Welp, there goes that eyebrow. Was one of the better ones I had too. Oh well.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
*stomps through the thread, roaring in barely contained wordless rage, searching, sniffing, hunting the kobold that dared call on him*
He^ seems touchy, cantankerous, irritable, ornery, and bad-tempered.
One could but it might be slightly over the top. (lmao)
* walks in carrying the severed head of GoatToucher, which continues to chatter *
Ugh, enough of this.
* tosses GT's head onto the ground and walks off *
That's step one of permanently killing GoatToucher. Did you remember to complete steps #2-1313?
* pulls out checklist *
Let's see...
Still got # 1313 left. Does anyone have - let me see here - one hundred pounds of royal jelly from killer bees and a handful of Ronald McDonald's chest hair? Wait, what? Those two items are what's needed for the final step? I need a drink.
Last time I take a job from Rovagug.
:sits up, reaches into vest, pulls out a suppository of Cure Light Wounds, inserts it:
Ahh! Back to the drawing board for you, I'm afraid.
I wasn't aware that you could use a wand that way.
We are talking about GoatToucher here. If anyone can find an unusual and unexpected use of an object it is he.
I wasn't aware that you could use a wand that way.
Ventnor...
That isn't a wand
On second thoughts, maybe it is. That Hitachi must be a great and powerful wizard indeed!
|
I never should have left the Opera Event, or Karazhan in general, had I known that I would encounter a being of such great power like GoatToucher!
*Thinks about it for a moment then shrugs it off.*
Time to see if the rumours about various groups of bugbears camping in the area are true.
*Sniffs the air to get a scent then prowls away, on the hunt.*
Folks, we are talking about GoatToucher here - the man has a reputation for unorthodox uses of everyday household objects. He IS the very type of person to use a wand in that way.
Poog be having nice bonfire tonight.
Remember not to go to sleep in the middle before your friends decide to light it!
It is perfect bonfire weather.
Every kind of weather is bonfire weather if you do it right!
I'm a born again pyromaniac.
Careful, Schism, some goblins might mistake your hair for grass and attempt to set it ablaze to see if it burns like grass. Then again, we are talking about goblins - they might attempt to set you, me, and everyone else on fire just because.
* puts on fire-proof suit and hands out fire extinguishers, just in case *
Now you're just tempting fate, Teddy!
* smiles evilly as I pull out the marshmallows, hot dogs, burgers, brats, and steaks *
Now why would I do that?
Because he can...to certain limits.
Hey now, just because I want to hold the wold's biggest cookout and need help getting the fires going doesn't mean I really want the little gobbos to start burning everything in site. I just need a few large fires going to cook all of this meat. And no, hellfire just won't work - tends to make the meat too oily-tasting.
|
|
*Nose starts to tingle as a new sent is picked up from 10,000 miles away.*
Smells like a roast beef steak, with burgers and hotdogs too! Perhaps I'll see if I can join the party later. But first, I must deal with these bugbears whom I have managed to track to this cave.
*Approaches the cave and looks confused and concerned.*
Odd... bugbears don't usually smell so bad, what's going on?
*Enters the cave, sees it littered with dead bugbears and impaled through the chieftain is a standard with the Grizzlepaw Clan banner on it.*
Ah, so THEY were here! Looks like they really did a number on this place! Well, if there's nothing to do here, I will just leave.
*Goes to leave, but quickly spots a newspaper with the headline reading: "Uncle Teddy's bear, Fred wins the election to become a congressman by accidentally ripping his trousers". Finding the article somewhat amusing, leaves the cave.*
:takes a thick, greasy sausage, then enjoys some barbecue:
* walks in, wiping blood off my face, as a huge cart full of baked goods follows *
Stupid bugbears - thinking they could steal my treats for the bar-be-que. Oh my, looks like I've got some of that chieftain's blood under my fingernails.
* sees The Big Bad Wolf of Karazhan *
Well, hello there.
* scratches The Big Bad Wolf of Karazhan behind the ears *
Who's a good boy? You are! Yes, you are!
* hands The Big Bad Wolf of Karazhan a cupcake *
No! My elite cadre of bugbear pastry theives!
WHY DID I PAY THEM IN ADVAAAAAAAANCE!?!?
So you're the one responsible.
* smashes Sinister Stan with Banhammer, Jr. *
Nobody steals GW's treats!
Not even GoatToucher has succeeded, and that is saying something.
I come here cause I hear there's pastries, then learn there's blood on'em.
Just another Thursday, I guess.
I think that was 'The' Poog of Zarongel, not a cupcake, but it's an easy mistake to make.
Vick Tim, don't worry about the blood - that's just the top layer on the cart - the bottom 9 are blood-free.
Don't feel so bad, Master Wolf. GW's baked goods are so good that even Rovagug himself will stage caged if given one of his cookies every now and then - in fact that's the main reason he allowed himself to be locked up.
Wasn't Poog a fruitcake?
Not even GoatToucher has succeeded, and that is saying something.
Not that I've ever tried. GW's definition of "treat" and mine differ wildly. Disinterest, combined with GW's seeming cosmic power, keep his pastries safe from me.
I have, however, done some wonderful things with the clone bodies of Uncle Teddy that GW creates every time I violate the old one into madness. I have six or seven.
I wonder when Uncle Teddy will start wondering about the gaps in his memory that begin after conversations with me, and will he ever look at the back of his neck with a mirror and discover what number Uncle Teddy he is?
And what the numbers have been drawn on with?
* sends another 10 bad Uncle Teddy clones GoatToacher's way - mixed in are two zombies dressed in replica Uncle Teddy armor *
I don't know why but I get some twisted joy watching GoatToacher mess with those clones while the original is safely out of his reach. I wonder what he would say if he actually saw Uncle Teddy without his helmet. Then again, looking upon the face of the Avatar of Madness would be too much for most beings to handle.
Then again, looking upon the face of the Avatar of Madness would be too much for most beings to handle.
On the other hand, it did help me forget what happened last week. So, y'know, there are perks.
Yeah, sorry about that - and that was just a brief glimpse of my chin. At least your flesh didn't melt like the last poor soul or your head explode like the one before that.
Behind the helmet?
Helmet hair.
So, a lot less maddening than advertised.
Poog be eating chipmunk and bird tonight, WOOHOO!!
Unfortunately, I'm already the universe's chew toy, and the universe doesn't like to share.
Ooop. Looks like Vick Tim wins the thread...
Well, almost.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Poor Vick Tim. Allow me to play a sad song on this violin.
* attempts to play a Stradivarius, ending up destroying the expensive violin *
Hey, you try to play a violin with massive claws.
We've all crossed a giant lobster with a fiddle at one point, surely?
Well, that lobster is the protagonist in The Devil Went Down to Georgia.
Wrong type of claw, Pulg, and don't call me Shirley.