Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Doh! Bummer that I had a good concept and developed it the wrong way. I was probably too fixated on the extra move action. I loved 3e haste, and am always trying to sneak it back into the game somehow (but with appropriate constraints).
I originally toyed with the glass heart granting healing, but that seemed bland. The original draft also didn't have nearly as many bonuses (only the extra move action) and added another disadvantage. It probably still would've been bounced because the effect was so powerful (and, the price too low), but in any event, it looks like I went the wrong direction with the electricity angle. I thought I had caught lightning in a bottle (or glass heart, as the case may be) with that concept, providing a better connection between "new heart" and "moves fast".
Also, it is intentionally meta-gamey, but I like to think of it as meta-gamey in the same way as the various Vecna appendages - do you really want to die (and risk death in the future) for such a powerful effect?
Here's the original draft:
Glass Heart
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Red and blue flames flicker and pulse within this fist-sized shard of glass, flaring brightly when it is successfully implanted into the chest cavity of a dead creature. Implanting the heart takes some skill, requiring ten minutes of work and a DC 25 Heal check. If the implantation is interrupted or the Heal check fails by 5 or more, the heart suffers irreparable damage and is destroyed. If the Heal check succeeds, the recipient immediately returns to life as if targeted by a raise dead spell. A particular glass heart can only raise a creature from the dead once.
In addition to being returned to life, the recipient of a glass heart gains supernatural speed, manifesting as an extra Move Action each round for as long as the heart is implanted.
A glass heart can only be implanted in a creature whose anatomy includes a heart. Because it replaces a creature’s organic heart, a living creature cannot receive the benefits of a glass heart without being killed in the implantation process (though it will immediately be returned to life). Recognizing that a creature has an implanted glass heart requires a DC 20 Spellcraft check.
Unfortunately, the heart is not a perfect substitute for a living heart and is very fragile. If the recipient suffers a critical hit from a bludgeoning weapon, she must make a Fortitude Save (DC 10 + the damage dealt) or immediately perish as the heart is pulverized. A glass heart is also vulnerable to the shatter spell. If the heart is targeted and the recipient fails her save, it is crushed and she is instantly slain.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, raise dead, haste; Cost 15,000 gp
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Aura strong evocation; CL 17th
Slot - ; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This book looks exactly like a tome of understanding yet hides a powerful curse. Whenever the book is read, roll 1d10 on the following table to determine the result.
- 1 - Every time the reader speaks the word, "Help," in any language, she slips and falls prone.
- 2 - The next item the reader touches shrinks as per the shrink item spell, except that the duration is permanent and the reader cannot expand the item.
- 3 - The next member of the opposite sex the reader speaks to explodes, as if that person had just read explosive runes.
- 4 - The reader can only verbally communicate in chicken clucks. He can still understand any languages he knows.
- 5 - The reader’s weight doubles, causing him to take a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity.
- 6 - The reader, along with all her gear, is instantly transported to the nearest occupied bedroom.
- 7 - The reader is polymorphed into a sheep.
- 8 - Whenever the reader draws a weapon, that weapon shouts an embarrassing fact about that character's childhood.
- 9 - A army of goblins declares war on the reader. This army is always within 20 miles of the party, and consists of any combination of gobliniods that add up to the party’s ECL +2. The army tracks the party consistently and aggressively, yet non-magically.
- 10 - Roll twice and keep both results.
All effects are permanent unless removed with a successful remove curse spell. Although Tomes of Deadly Pranks are created by error, many more are created by insidious Arcane Tricksters.
Construction
Magic Items any book or tome.
Was this a serious entry or a prank (no pun intended) entry?
I don't think this judge understands that incorporeal is a specific quality a creature can have.
You're right, I'm sure the judges just don't understand. :) That's got to be the problem...
*In reassessing this one, I've been going over the project image element that's built into the incorporeal duplicate of the caster. If you have a sorcerer (who already has Eschew Materials) that takes the Silent Spell feat, they can spontaneously boost all their spells (except their highest tier spells) with the metamagic of Silent Spell and absolutely rock against an opponent that can't touch an incorporeal creature. And, by the time you can afford this item (170,000 gp), that's still some potent spellpower to bring down on someone. Of course, at that point in your adventuring career, maybe you're facing opponents with a high enough CR to rock you back even if you are incorporeal.
In reading the judges' comments on my item, I noticed this discussion involving incorprealness.
I don't think this judge understands that incorporeal is a specific quality a creature can have. The gaseous form spell makes a creature's body insubstantial (made of mist, but in the case of this item smoke) but does not make it incorporeal. These are very different. An incorporeal creature is much more difficult to damage than one in gaseous form.
I think the main point was the item is too abusable in a boss fight either by a player or DM. I don't want to go into detail with why I would never use it of let my players have it, but if you want the community's input a separate thread would work.
Tome of Deadly Pranks
Aura strong evocation; CL 17th
Slot - ; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This book looks exactly like a tome of understanding yet hides a powerful curse. Whenever the book is read, roll 1d10 on the following table to determine the result.
- 1 - Every time the reader speaks the word, "Help," in any language, she slips and falls prone.
- 2 - The next item the reader touches shrinks as per the shrink item spell, except that the duration is permanent and the reader cannot expand the item.
- 3 - The next member of the opposite sex the reader speaks to explodes, as if that person had just read explosive runes.
- 4 - The reader can only verbally communicate in chicken clucks. He can still understand any languages he knows.
- 5 - The reader’s weight doubles, causing him to take a -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity.
- 6 - The reader, along with all her gear, is instantly transported to the nearest occupied bedroom.
- 7 - The reader is polymorphed into a sheep.
- 8 - Whenever the reader draws a weapon, that weapon shouts an embarrassing fact about that character's childhood.
- 9 - A army of goblins declares war on the reader. This army is always within 20 miles of the party, and consists of any combination of gobliniods that add up to the party’s ECL +2. The army tracks the party consistently and aggressively, yet non-magically.
- 10 - Roll twice and keep both results.
All effects are permanent unless removed with a successful remove curse spell. Although Tomes of Deadly Pranks are created by error, many more are created by insidious Arcane Tricksters.
Construction
Magic Items any book or tome.
Items like this made me mad as a judge.
Why even enter with crap like this? This is not a serious item, its a joke. And not even a good one. Just pure lameness.
As a judge, you spend countless hours of your free time reading these entries and critiquing honest and well-meaning entrants who try hard but just don't make it. And sometimes you really have some strong criticisms of a poor item. But you make that criticism because it is your duty to do that as a judge. But then, as you are reading and evaluating your 60th item for the evening, along comes a submission like this. And it just infuriates me. Because all the prior submissions that you have been critiquing, at least they tried to submit something serious and just fell short. Items like this are a disgrace to the contest.
Don't do this. And if you did your homework from prior years you would see that the judges don't like it. So its a waste of time for you and an annoyance to us (them). There is literally NOTHING Superstar about this.
Now, perhaps if the contest was Stupid Juvenile RPG Star, this would roxxors. But it isn't.
I dont know you, and I am not trying to be mean to you. You may be a great guy or girl. But this item is a poster child of what not to do. I'm not judging you, just the item. Sorry you had to be the cautionary tale.
Clark
I sure hope the judges who are volunteering their time to respond in this thread don't get all burned out by the time I am able to post my item later this evening, assuming I don't chicken out first. :D
I have a pretty good idea what obvious omissions and errors I made. I guess I was just hoping there was something redeemable about my item, that I was not totally off on the wrong track.
I think the main point was the item is too abusable in a boss fight either by a player or DM. I don't want to go into detail with why I would never use it of let my players have it, but if you want the community's input a separate thread would work.
I think the other criticism of my item was spot on correct. It did not deserve to be in the top 32 as it was very flawed.
However, the incorporeal criticism is completely out of left field and has no real association with my item.
You're right, I'm sure the judges just don't understand. :) That's got to be the problem...
I don't think it's the reason my item did not make the top 32, but this judge's comments do lead me to believe that he does not fully understand that incorporeal is a very specific creature quality and just because a creature is composed of smoke does not mean it is incorporeal.
Spirit Catchers
Aura Strong Evocation; CL 13th
Slot Hands Price 12,000 gp Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This ornate gauntlet is bespeckled with various jewels such as sapphires and rubies. On the underside of the gauntlet is an image of a ghostly figure struggling to break the grip of a warrior clad in heavy armor.While this item was made for the warrior who tires of the hit and run tactics of certain incorporeal beings. It also proves useful to those who wish to do something other than take what may be a meaningless swing, as the creature rushes past him to attack his allies.
This item allows the wearer to affect incorporeal creatures as if they were corporeal creatures for the purpose of CMB based attacks such as grapple, bullrush, and the stand still feat.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Grasping Hand, Cost 6,000 gp
bump
Sorry if I did not get overlooked. I know the name is not that good, and I couldn't decide on a price. Fire Away.
PS:I just noticed people who posted after me have been critiqued already.
I think that came out very strongly...i.e., it's a definite plot device item, willingly activated by whoever uses it, with a built-in "half curse" of afflicting yourself with a similar demand in exchange for getting someone to do what you want (or need) them to do right now. So, in that respect, you accomplished your goal. It just wasn't a good goal.
...Plot device items pretty much only work for the plots in which they have a role to play. Which means they're fairly limited and potentially boring if a particular plot and mechanic by which it gets introduced into the game doesn't resonate all that well with your players or a GM whose trying to craft a game or campaign. Plot device items are always niche items. And that's not a Superstar "box" to playing around in.
...Plot device items often appeal to people who are usually the GM, because they envision it helping their storytelling. Plot device items are rarely enjoyed by PCs unless there's some super-cool element that convinces them to keep it around despite the nagging plot device "anchor" that comes with it.
Neil, thank you kindly for this detailed response. This is exactly the type of highly-constructive criticism I was hoping for.
In retrospect, were I to rebuild this, it would be as a cursed item, not a wondrous one. I did consider this as a player as well, but even so what excited me about this was the idea of deciding when the situation was desperate enough to actually use the thing. That's pretty much spot-on a drawback-type cursed item. That solves pricing, too - solving the current tangle of being underpriced for its total effects, but overpriced for the effect any one character gets out of it.
I can see this item being made; just not by either of the two users.
A crime lord, a fiend, or demigod of anarchy, could see this as a means to set two noble families, merchant houses or guilds against each other.
Snorter, thanks for commenting. I'd really love to discuss this further, but I don't want to spread a back-and-forth discussion over this thread. So I've quoted and responded to you over on the Peer Evaluation thread. It'd be great to hear more of your thoughts. :)
Thanks again to all of you... this is really great stuff :D
I sure hope the judges who are volunteering their time to respond in this thread don't get all burned out by the time I am able to post my item later this evening, assuming I don't chicken out first. :D
I have a pretty good idea what obvious omissions and errors I made. I guess I was just hoping there was something redeemable about my item, that I was not totally off on the wrong track.
Neil? Burned out? I don't think you know the guy. :) He's a machine. In fact, he may be the Terminator. "He'll be baaaaack."
Neil? Burned out? I don't think you know the guy. :) He's a machine. In fact, he may be the Terminator. "He'll be baaaaack."I sure hope the judges who are volunteering their time to respond in this thread don't get all burned out by the time I am able to post my item later this evening, assuming I don't chicken out first. :D
I have a pretty good idea what obvious omissions and errors I made. I guess I was just hoping there was something redeemable about my item, that I was not totally off on the wrong track.
Heheheh.
But that is, in fact, why I wanted to get my item in early in this little 2-day window between when the thread was unlocked and the new submissions were due. I figured the judges would be rightfully busy with the real contestants.
I'm just hoping the feedback matches my own evaluation, since I'm still happy with my item but have learned a valuable lesson ....
Edit: Be patient. I'm on page three also, I think I'm the 75th item posted, and I believe Neil has covered about 16 items so far and Sean's covered about 19 items.
I sure hope the judges who are volunteering their time to respond in this thread don't get all burned out by the time I am able to post my item later this evening, assuming I don't chicken out first. :D
Don't wait. Really. You can post both earlier (and not get bumped back in the line), and before-you-might-chicken-out-ier.
The judges can find your item by user or by name. I'd take them up on it if I were you.
Wishing you helpful feedback :) If the judges don't get to you, lots of other kind souls surely will.
Neil? Burned out? I don't think you know the guy. :) He's a machine. In fact, he may be the Terminator. "He'll be baaaaack."I sure hope the judges who are volunteering their time to respond in this thread don't get all burned out by the time I am able to post my item later this evening, assuming I don't chicken out first. :D
I have a pretty good idea what obvious omissions and errors I made. I guess I was just hoping there was something redeemable about my item, that I was not totally off on the wrong track.
I'm very keenly anticipating his posts. Assuming he stays in posting order he's about 9 items away from mine. His posts and comments are always very thorough; giving a fair assessment of strengths and weaknesses.
Tome of Deadly PranksItems like this made me mad as a judge.
Why even enter with crap like this? This is not a serious item, its a joke. And not even a good one. Just pure lameness.
Though you're absolutely right, I'm afraid railing against it will do little good. It's in the nature of any contest large enough to have some small number of people who, by mistake or by poor humor, send in something really exasperating. I'm afraid ranting about it does little good, because generally speaking we're not talking about the guys reading up on auto-reject advice and judges' rants.
OTOH... the guy came back to ask. So... I guess he should know how exasperating an item like this is.
And the funny thing is, Golarion probably has bunches of wizards with unfortunate taste in humor. Some of 'em set death traps. Others craft Tomes of Deadly Pranks. On a real Golarion, I'm afraid this book would exist in thousands of copies :-/
Thank you all in advance for any assistance to help me improve my entry.
Earth Bread
Aura faint Alteration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 1250 gp; Weight - lb.Description
Earth Bread appears as small rounded pebbles ranging in size from peas to marbles and is much prized by travelers. When the stones are placed in the mouth, and gently sucked like a piece of hard candy they will either provide the sustenance of an average meal of food and drink, or will provide the affects of an Endure Elements spell for 24 hours. The user chooses the effect when they place the Earth Bread in their mouth. The Earth Bread must be sucked on for one minute before the effect will be realized. The Earth Bread maybe be shared between individuals with no ‘wait time’ between uses, but each user must suck on the Earth Bread for one minute to activate the effect. After five total uses, sustenance or Endure Elements, the Earth Bread Grows sour and no longer provides sustenance or Endure Elements. Sucking on an Earth Bread for less than one minute will have no effect and does consume a use.
After an Earth Bread has grown sour it can be ground with a stone mortar and pestle and mixed with an equal portion of pristine rock salt to produce a powder with medicinal properties. One piece of Earth Bread, regardless of size, will produce a powder with the effect of a single ‘Cure Light Wounds’ potion CL 5 (1d8+5) when sprinkled on a wound. Using the powder obeys all the rules of potion use.Earth Bread is believed to occur naturally in underground areas where the earth magic is strong or the first world lies near but they can also be created magically.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, create food and water, Endure elements, Cure Light Wounds; Cost 625 gp
Speaking only for myself...great job, Rick!
This was the first item I came across in the judge's feedback thread that jumped out at me.
Perhaps not Superstar (tm), but it's a subtle, real-world use kind of item that would be selling for good coin in towns on the fringes of civilization. I also like the naturally occurring variant - it's got flavor (pun intended).
I'll be using this in my game sooner or later; it might be faint praise, but if anything, you gained one fan.
Tome of Deadly Pranks
This item violates at least two auto-reject threads.
No further analysis necessary.
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Oh man, I got on board late. This is going to take forever. Whoever answers this, thank you from the bottom of my shrivelled, black heart. I can't promise that this is a carbon copy of what I submitted, I can't seem to find the copy I saved of the precise wording/formatting I used. If it's different enough to matter, you're welcome to post exactly what I sent through.
Lantern of Mesmerizing Shadows
Aura faint enchantment; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs
Description
This otherwise mundane hooded lantern is adorned with a thin band of worked iron around its base. The iron band has been carefully crafted to resemble a chain of figures dancing, joined at the hands. When the lantern is lit and a performance is started within 40 feet of the lantern, the figures become animated and begin to dance, casting flickering shadows on the ground in a 5 foot radius around the lantern.
The lantern is lit as a normal lantern, and functions under the same conditions as a normal lantern. Perform checks made by performers who are within 40 feet of the lantern receive a +2 circumstance bonus. Creatures attempting a Will save vs. fascinate while the dancing effect is in place suffer a -2 to the saving throw. Additionally, while this effect is in place and a target is fascinated, the target takes an additional -2 penalty on all skill checks made as reactions, such as Perception checks. If multiple performances are started within 40 feet of the lantern, the lantern augments only the performance that was started first.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotism, silent image; Cost 1,000 gp
And the funny thing is, Golarion probably has bunches of wizards with unfortunate taste in humor. Some of 'em set death traps. Others craft Tomes of Deadly Pranks. On a real Golarion, I'm afraid this book would exist in thousands of copies :-/
Good point, but while something like this could possible be found in an adventure with the correct tone, it is completely inappropriate for Superstar (tm). There is a very important difference.
to be fair, one of the top thirty two violates 4.Tome of Deadly Pranks
This item violates at least two auto-reject threads.
No further analysis necessary.
Yes, the auto-rejects are more of guidelines. Sean even made it abundantly clear in the last rule that any of the rules could be broken if done in an awesome enough way. I'm just paraphrasing here.
to be fair, one of the top thirty two violates 4.Tome of Deadly Pranks
This item violates at least two auto-reject threads.
No further analysis necessary.
This one does more than that:
1. Item already exists2. Not a wondrous item
3. Doesn't follow format
4. Makes the GM's job harder
5. Is a joke item
6. Is a monster in a can
7. Chance item
...
Honestly it's almost like he took all the advice and did the exact opposite.
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to be fair, one of the top thirty two violates 4.Tome of Deadly Pranks
This item violates at least two auto-reject threads.
No further analysis necessary.
This one does more than that:
1. Item already exists
2. Not a wondrous item
3. Doesn't follow format
4. Makes the GM's job harder
5. Is a joke item
6. Is a monster in a can
7. Chance item
...Honestly it's almost like he took all the advice and did the exact opposite.
Does he have to roll a d10 to determine what it does? :D
Wow. This Thread has proved a considerable and commendable effort by all those who have posted before me.
Clay of the Master
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This pliable material appears like any other tan clay and can be molded into a variety of shapes. When a command word is spoken, the clay hardens instantly, becoming a functioning tool, weapon, or item for up to 1 hour before turning back into moldable clay. Any item made has a masterwork quality to it, granting a +2 bonus. Any weapon created functions as a weapon of masterwork quality, but also provides the /magic quality needed to overcome damage reduction. The user does not need to make a craft check, to succeed in creating the masterwork item.
The Clay of the Master may be used as a whole or in separate chunks, and contains enough material to create the following:
- 20 arrows, bolts, or bullets
- any two handed weapon for a medium creature, or two one-handed weapons
- up to 3 separate keys
- up to a heavy shield (for a medium-sized creature)
- other handheld or carried items at the gamemaster’s digression
The command word can be used up to 3 times per day. All pieces of the Clay of the Master are effected by the command word, and will harden, regardless of a specified use, when the command word is spoken. Several sets of clay may be combined to create rowboats, battering rams, or other larger items.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate; Cost 10,000 gp
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Clay of the Master
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This pliable material appears like any other tan clay and can be molded into a variety of shapes. When a command word is spoken, the clay hardens instantly, becoming a functioning tool, weapon, or item for up to 1 hour before turning back into moldable clay. Any item made has a masterwork quality to it, granting a +2 bonus. Any weapon created functions as a weapon of masterwork quality, but also provides the /magic quality needed to overcome damage reduction. The user does not need to make a craft check, to succeed in creating the masterwork item.
The Clay of the Master may be used as a whole or in separate chunks, and contains enough material to create the following:
- 20 arrows, bolts, or bullets
- any two handed weapon for a medium creature, or two one-handed weapons
- up to 3 separate keys
- up to a heavy shield (for a medium-sized creature)
- other handheld or carried items at the gamemaster’s digression
The command word can be used up to 3 times per day. All pieces of the Clay of the Master are effected by the command word, and will harden, regardless of a specified use, when the command word is spoken. Several sets of clay may be combined to create rowboats, battering rams, or other larger items.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate; Cost 10,000 gp
The first thing that stands out for me is making it too much work for the DM. How does the math work for this? If I use part of the clay to make 10 arrows, do I have enough to make 1 key? Fractions always hurt my head.
Having read the top 32, I can see that some of my failings on this item include a lack of evocative imagery, and a few missing template details. Which is a bummer, but my own fault. I am very interested if there is any other feedback the judges or anyone has for me here.
Insightful Eye
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 35,000gp; weight 1lb
The eye emblazoned on this bandanna scans its surroundings at all times, watching for anything that might be a threat to its wearer. The eye is, in all ways, an additional eye for the wearer. It is able to see with whatever vision the wearer normally has, even to the point where it blinks when the wearer does.
Having a third eye is beneficial in many ways to the wearer, especially as the headband does not need to be tied with it facing forward – it can be tied forward or backwards and changing the direction of the eye is a move action that provokes an attack of opportunity. If the headband is tied in reverse, the wearer gains all-around vision, making it impossible for them to be flanked and granting a +4 bonus to passive perception checks.
While the Insightful Eye is tied facing forwards, the eye remains ever-watchful. Normally this grants the wearer a +4 bonus to all active perception checks, but if the wearer allows the eye to study a particular target, they also gain another benefit. By spending a standard action focusing on a target, which does not provoke an attack of opportunity, the eye sees the weaknesses in the target’s armor, allowing wearer to ignore up to five points of AC granted by armor for all attacks against the target next round. If the bonus is not spent that round, the effect is still expended and the wearer must re-focus.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, True Strike; Cost 17,500gp
edit: and for those of you interested, this is an item that kinda grew out of the following other item i considered submitting. I changed it because I felt this second item was too much 'turn into a medusa in a can'.
Aura faint divination, moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot: head ; Price: 29,000 gp; Weight : 3lb
The constantly undulating pattern of this bandanna seems to be formed from dozens of tiny snakes, slithering along the surface. The only break in the shifting pattern is the single silver eye emblazoned on one side, which opens whenever it is worn, staring with unnerving focus. The eye is, in all ways, an additional eye for the wearer. It is able to see with whatever vision the wearer normally has, even to the point where it blinks when the wearer does.
Having a third eye is beneficial in many ways to the wearer, especially as the bandanna does not need to be tied with it facing forward. If the bandanna is tied in reverse, the wearer gains all-around vision, making it impossible for them to be flanked and granting a +4 bonus to passive perception checks.
If the bandanna is tied facing forward, the wearer gains a +4 bonus to all active perception checks, as well as access to the eye’s gaze attack. The wearer can, once per day, activate the bandanna to gaze at any one target they can see, upon which time the bandanna separates into a hundred tiny snakes like the hair of a medusa. Also like the medusa, the gaze petrifies the target as a spell Flesh to Stone, unless they pass a DC 18 fortitude save.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, Flesh to Stone; Cost 14,500 gp
** spoiler omitted **
The first thing that stands out for me is making it too much work for the DM. How does the math work for this? If I use part of the clay to make 10 arrows, do I have enough to make 1 key? Fractions always hurt my head.
I also don't get the masterwork, but +2 and counts as magic for DR. Why doesn't it just make +2 magic items then?
I might also run afoul of the "makes adventuring too easy" guideline. It can become anything, but unlike something like the marvelous pigments, it is reusable so the PC's never have to worry about having a piece of mundane equipment again.
Forceful Bracers
*TK in a can
*Why only living creatures?
*Why as a move action? That means you could hit them with a sword AND hurl them against a wall for 2d6 damage.
*What is "blunt damage"?
Philosopher's Spell Guilders
* This item makes my head hurt. And metamagic rods already have this ground covered, don't they? I'm also not a fan of the presentation of multiple items like this using a bastardized version of the provided template.
* Autoreject #6: Item is a variant of an existing item--in this case, a metamagic rod in another shape.
Philosopher's Spell Guilders
* This item makes my head hurt. And metamagic rods already have this ground covered, don't they? I'm also not a fan of the presentation of multiple items like this using a bastardized version of the provided template.
* Autoreject #6: Item is a variant of an existing item--in this case, a metamagic rod in another shape.
I think mark did a few for you. The last one he did was the
Gem of Enduring Legacy
Haunt-Clad Shroud
Also:
* Don't base the effect of the item on the wearer's ability score modifier, it makes it hard to price accurately.
* Don't migrate existing common bonuses (cloak = resistance, ring = deflection, belt = physical stats, headband = mental stats) to other slots, that's just a way for characters to better customize their "Christmas tree" and avoid making hard decisions about which is the best item for them.
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** spoiler omitted **
The first thing that stands out for me is making it too much work for the DM. How does the math work for this? If I use part of the clay to make 10 arrows, do I have enough to make 1 key? Fractions always hurt my head.
I also don't get the masterwork, but +2 and counts as magic for DR. Why doesn't it just make +2 magic items then?
I might also run afoul of the "makes adventuring too easy" guideline. It can become anything, but unlike something like the marvelous pigments, it is reusable so the PC's never have to worry about having a piece of mundane equipment again.
The never worrying about mundane equipment again wouldnt bother me. After level 3 it's not really too much an issue. But, I would have made it where the clay could make up to a certain weight of product base on the weight of the amount of clay you had. So, 1lb of the clay could make any item of up to 1lb.
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Lantern of Mesmerizing Shadows
Fantastic name. Immediately conjures an image of shadows playing in the light of a lantern or campfire, etc. Very appropriate. And they're "mesmerizing" shadows so that gives us a very good hint at what this item is likely going to explore. Well done.
Aura faint enchantment; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs
Aura and CL are mostly appropriate due to the 1st level hypnotism and silent image as the basis for the item's construction requirements. Personally, I might have bumped this one up a bit higher than CL 1st, though, just because the net effect is more than hypnotism by itself. That's only a very minor quibble, though. Slot and weight are appropriate for a lantern. Pricing seems okay on a cursory glance.
Description
This otherwise mundane hooded lantern is adorned with a thin band of worked iron around its base. The iron band has been carefully crafted to resemble a chain of figures dancing, joined at the hands.
Well done lead-off descriptive text. Sets an immediate image in the reader's mind. Right off the bat you can picture this thing.
When the lantern is lit and a performance is started within 40 feet of the lantern, the figures become animated and begin to dance, casting flickering shadows on the ground in a 5 foot radius around the lantern.
Small stylistic point. Should be "5-foot radius"...
The lantern is lit as a normal lantern, and functions under the same conditions as a normal lantern.
A little loose on your language here. The "normal lantern" getting referenced twice just feels repetitive. Maybe work on a better way to convey this information without repeating those words.
Perform checks made by performers who are within 40 feet of the lantern receive a +2 circumstance bonus. Creatures attempting a Will save vs. fascinate while the dancing effect is in place suffer a -2 to the saving throw. Additionally, while this effect is in place and a target is fascinated, the target takes an additional -2 penalty on all skill checks made as reactions, such as Perception checks. If multiple performances are started within 40 feet of the lantern, the lantern augments only the performance that was started first.
The rest of this is okay. Seems like every year we see items that enhance or play around with the bardic performance mechanics. The problem you ran into, though, is that the item (while technically-sound) just didn't have quite enough mojo to really capture our collective interest in a way that screamed Top 32.
What do I mean by that? Well...let me finish off the rest of the in-line comments and I'll get to that.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotism, silent image; Cost 1,000 gp
Solid presentation here. Price/cost ratio is good. Great attention to detail. Spells in the construction requirements all seem pretty appropriate, though I might have suggested hypnotic pattern over hypnotism and maybe something about shadow conjuration would have been a nice tie-in over silent image (which isn't necessarily shadow based). In other words, I think a spell with the "shadow" descriptor could (and maybe should?) have made an appearance.
So, what's the bottom line:
Well, I'll be frank.
Your item VERY nearly made the Top 32. In fact, it made my personal alternate list. All four judges voted to put it in the Keep pile. It unanimously made that leap. However, of those four Keep votes, three of them were what we call "weak Keeps." Meaning, we found nothing mechanically bad about it. The presentation and writing were decent. The idea was sound. It just wasn't compelling enough to get us all that jazzed up about it. Particularly since we've seen several bard items in the past with similar (though still different) abilities.
So, I was really hoping whoever crafted this item would step forward and request feedback in this thread, because...dude...you were THIS close. And, with that in mind, I wanted to do what I could to help you understand what your item could have done better to cross that threshold and make the Top 32. And, what it really boils down to is you just needed something with a tad more mojo...a little more spice or jazz...or something that would highlight or scream innovation, awesome, cool idea!
The other pieces were there. And that's why I almost always cite "idea" as the first and most important element of a wondrous item submission for RPG Superstar. It serves as the foundation you build upon. After that, you need to show you can write well. Then, you need your mechanics to be as tight as you can get them...and even play around to be innovative in a way that still demonstrates proper game balance. Lastly, you need to get your presentation right by following the provided template and making your item look like the text straight out of the Pathfinder Core Rulebook.
You had a lot of those top layer aspects lined up. But, your foundation...the core idea behind the item...just didn't have enough "oomph" to it to bring the whole thing together for us. So my primary advice to you is that you work on your well of ideas. Take a good, long look at the innovation being explored in the Top 32 items (both this year and in prior years). Try and form an idea that's got as much pop to it as some of those do. Keep your mechanics sound...and maybe even get a little innovative and surprising there, too (but in a good way, not by going off the deep-end into game-breaking material). Continue to work on your writing and prose. Maintain your attention to detail. Come back strong next year. And take a major swing for the fences on blowing the judges' socks off!
Summary:
Great name
Mediocre idea
Decent, competent, safe mechanics
Well-written flavor and description
Near-perfect presentation
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Star Voter Season 6
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Ah, and there I was trying to be innovative and creative coming up with a different sort of effect. Well, back to the drawing board and next year, a new cool idea will be, hopefully, presented much better.Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower*unorthodox "use your damage as your CMB check" mechanic
*rays using splash mechanics are also strange (especially as part of a teleport)
*40 ft. radius is a HUGE circle of flame, bigger than most dungeon rooms
*has an italicized descriptive intro, which no magic item in the Core Rulebook does
*"Behind" doesn't exist in a game without facing.
*overall, cool idea, presentation and rules-fu is lacking
For the facing issue you can say that the wearer or bearer of the Vestment is invisible to target.
Amulet of Reverse Incantation
*I've thought about designing a spell or feat that does this sort of thing.
The problem with it is you're basically designing a subsystem in the form of a magic item, and (1) it's hard to do an entire subsystem, (2) it's not really the place for a subsystem. You're always going to get weirdness with how this item interacts with curveballs like protection from evil that have more than just bonuses and penalties... does this give the target a penalty on AC and saves against evil creatures and attacks, but it still hedges out summoned creatures and gives immunity to possession? Likewise, holy aura grants bonuses and also gives you SR against evil creatures, does it only flip the bonuses and still give the target SR? Or does it flip the alignments it effects (the item doesn't say it flips stuff like that). In other words, requires the GM to make a lot of rulings.*Seems potentially game-breaking to me. Too open to interpretation on reversing spells, as many of them wouldn't fit the description of having a counterspell...or provide a bonus/penalty setup. And, even if such an effect were allowable, the price seems really low for what it would do.
*This was a tricky item to design. I like the I initiative shown. There is really only one issue; the second ability. First the toss off "if they ever were" is irritating. Second, I know exactly where the designer is going: change the sign of the buff/debuff. This seems to get around Sean's larger scope of "reversing" a whole spell. It's much easier to adjudicate a simple sign change.
*There are mechanical elements that aren't fully baked. There are some issues with the writing and the toss-away phrase indicated. I agree the designer is trying hard. This is one of those ideas for an item that really belongs more in a new book about magic and counterspelling than an item itself...hence, the sub-system would get a full write-up outside of a wondrous item. If this guy seeks feedback, we really need to let them know they had some good stuff here...the core seed of a good idea. But the execution needs some tightening up, especially with regards to the mechanics of the item and how it interacts with everything else in the rules.
* my point was that some spells have numerical buffs and some other effect, and if you flip the sign of the buff and leave the rest of the spell intact, it doesn't make sense. Frex, prot. evil... Right off, I don't know if an inverted version of this spell would give penalties to AC and saves against evil creatures. I guess it would. And the possession-effect immediate reroll would remain in the spell. But would it be at a -2 penalty instead of a +2 bonus? Is it weird that it would let you try again, but worse than before? How does this interact with the penalty from the first paragraph? And then the bodily contact bit... So even though the spell makes you have a lower AC and saves against evil creatures (paragraph 1), and lets you reroll possession saves (paragraph 2), it still prevents summoned evil creatures from touching you... so you're worse off against evil creatures, unless they're summoned, in which case they can't touch you at all. I like the idea of this item. I miss reversible spells from 1e/2e. I could see someone doing a small PDF of reversed versions of core spells that could reasonably be reversed. But a 300-word magic item isn't sufficient to cover this topic well enough. It's like a magic item that invented the concept of the AOO in a game that doesn't allow AOOs... there's a lot of baggage with that, and you don't have room to describe it.I'm not saying this author doesn't have superstar potential, he obviously has the knack to find a hole in the system that could use some attention. But he needs to learn where certain battles are fought, and where certain kinds of rules belong.
* Just for the purposes of furthering the discussion, I was under the impression that a protection from evil spell would get reversed into a protection from good. Those spells are already polar opposites. And, I think the designer was striving to indicate those kinds of spells would flip with one another in the second paragraph. Same goes for protection from law vs. protection from chaos. That said, I think there are probably many more examples of spells with the numerical benefits in the form of bonuses with other effects that can't be reversed quite as easily. Thus, this item winds up creating a need for spell-by-spell assessment on the part of the GM everytime it's used. And that makes the GM's job harder.
* True, but ... the item doesn't say that, it says "If the wearer casts a spell that can counter or dispel another specific spell," and none of those protection spells say they counter or dispel each other. So while I can see that was where he was going with this item, it's not specified, and thus requires the GM to rule whether or not an entire category of spells (spells which have clear or semi-clear opposites) can be flipped. Which is a questionable ruling precedent because of the "semi-clear opposites." Does blindness/deafness flip to remove blindness/deafness? Does remove disease flip to contagion? Does chaos hammer flip to order's wrath, and holy smite to unholy blight? Or cloak of chaos and shield of law? Can you flip harm into heal? (It's an interesting example case because it's not listed as a countering spell and it's not called out as a cure/inflict spell flip in the item.) I could see hardline GMs saying "no, it can't flip these, the wording doesn't say it can," and lenient GMs saying "yes, it can flip these, the designer's intent is obvious." And either answer greatly affects the item's price because a yes answer means it affects MANY more spells than those specifically allowed in the item's description.
BTW sorry about some of the repeats, I didn't see that Mark was working down this part of the list at the same time. :)
Gauntlets of Desperate Defense
* Just do not like this...for all kinds of metagame reasons. That's a boatload of afflictions and conditions you get to ignore...just...because? And for how long? Always? Um, no thanks. I'll pass.
* There's a nugget of cool in here, but the designer kept stacking stuff on top until it became unwieldy and collapsed. SAK, lets you ignore TOO MANY debilitating conditions and act normally (despite being stunned or whatever). It's like he took a ring of freedom of movement and slapped some slightly different effects on it, but the goal is the same and the price is the same.
Rucksack of Instant Armament
* So it's a portable costume-changing Superman phone booth with some bag of holding elements to it? Don't really care for the name. Rucksack smacks more of military speak to me than a fantasy medieval campaign setting. For 3,000 gp this really boils down to not having to bother with rules for donning armor. And that's really all you get. Not super-excited about this one. And we've seen better items involving armor/clothing storage and transposition.
* Yep, this has been done before, and done better.
Haunt-Clad Shroud
Also:
* Don't base the effect of the item on the wearer's ability score modifier, it makes it hard to price accurately.
* Don't migrate existing common bonuses (cloak = resistance, ring = deflection, belt = physical stats, headband = mental stats) to other slots, that's just a way for characters to
Thanks - I'll take it to heart
Eyes of the Time Thief
* Someone took inspiration from the Time Thief class from SGG. That said, aside from the full 300-word writeup and flavor, this really boils down to a SAK of mostly SIAC effects.
Paak’s Configuration Clasp
* I get the gist of this...but is it an innovative Superstar idea? So, you add this clasp to an existing container and you can make it look like something else. Or, you can add it to a magical container that holds ammunition and change the type of ammunition it accommodates? That seems a bit fringe. Adjusting size categories of containers up or down seems like it might need shrink item or something, and I'm not sure I've needed to haul away very many Large-sized sacks or crates or barrels or treasure chests that often. This item just doesn't seem to be exploring a niche of magic item usefulness that would warrant inclusion in the Top 32.
* This is a meta-game item to fix DM laziness (or capriciousness).
* And when I put this on my portable hole, what happens then? And is "paak" pronounced like "pack?" Sure looks that way. Pun title combined with naming it after someone who I don't know is not superstar.
Sky Barnacle
* Meh. These weight-nullifying items just open up a whole can of physics concerns. I'd prefer not to go down that road. Just use levitate and be done with it.
I'm afraid railing against it will do little good. It's in the nature of any contest large enough to have some small number of people who, by mistake or by poor humor, send in something really exasperating.
I know. It does little good for me to rail against it. But I do think it is only fair (even if at his expense) to let people know the reaction these items trigger in judges so they can take that into account in future years. Again, sorry he or she had to be the cautionary tale.
Featherweight Slippers
* Good presentation and use of template. Well-written. Decent idea. Mechanics seem passable at first glace... however, interpreting some of those references into hard game terms seems a little open-ended (e.g., not activating pressure plates, standing on thin branches, etc.). Seems like this would negate most difficult terrain, not just sand or snow...but maybe that's just me. I also think the ability to walk on water and other liquids ought to include water walk as a spell requirement rather than just levitate. Maybe pass without trace should be slipped in there, too, since it leaves no tracks. Lastly, a ring of water walking alone costs 15,000 gp. This item doesn't let you move at full speed across water, though...but a ring of water walking also doesn't do all this other stuff. So, I think the item is way underpriced. I think the designer came close to a Superstar item, though. It just needs more polish and definition. They left 160 words on the table which they could have used to tighten this down.
* there aren't game rules for how much pressure you need to put on a pressure plate to activate a trap, so that seems to be mainly a flavor elements here, which is a problem. I don't want an item that negates most touch-triggered traps.
Amulet of the Mana Wastes
* the item of "I hate wizards."
* Take damage automatically? If this item at least included a save DC against the mass pain strike effect, it might be worth a further examination. As is, I can't see myself voting for this one.
Gauntlets of Desperate Defense
* Just do not like this...for all kinds of metagame reasons. That's a boatload of afflictions and conditions you get to ignore...just...because? And for how long? Always? Um, no thanks. I'll pass.
* There's a nugget of cool in here, but the designer kept stacking stuff on top until it became unwieldy and collapsed. SAK, lets you ignore TOO MANY debilitating conditions and act normally (despite being stunned or whatever). It's like he took a ring of freedom of movement and slapped some slightly different effects on it, but the goal is the same and the price is the same.
Sigh. The idea was that you got to ignore the debilitating conditions in a few very specific cases only (AoO/threatening) but otherwise were debilitated. I guess that didn't come across as clearly as I thought it did.
Maybe something a little simpler mechanically for next year.
In any case, thanks for the feedback because that's really not where I had thought I went wrong.