Wes Schneider: Urban Castaway!


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It's nearly 10:00 here in Paizo Town and it's been snowing off and on throughout the day. Seattle gets a little crazy in the face of winter weather, and word from the Trail of Frozen Tears - aka, route 520 - report commutes of nearly 5 hours (though Erik was still a good 10 or 15 miles from home when he called that one in, so who knows).

So, after a slightly scary foray onto the icy roads, I said "Screw it. I'll get more of 'Sanctum of the Serpent God' edited pulling an all nighter!"

It's not like I don't spend most of my week in my office anyway. Also, this way, I don't get marooned at home tomorrow. So I'm here at the office, up all night!

It won't be that bad. We almost got snowed in at the old offices once, which was one of the reasons I bought a couch with a fluffy throw blanket when I got my own office. I've also got tea, some snacks (what is a "Quack'n Bites?"), plenty (PLENTY) to read... my laptop (oooh, I could probably get Starcraft going - hmmmm, later)... um... a scarf, and in a moment Jason's deluxo space heater. So I'm probably good.

It does get a little creepy here, though. I mean, more so then when like James and Jason and Rob and Sean (especially those last two) are here. It's really quiet - which is sort of nice for a change - but with those extra horror movie bumps and creeks that only happen when you're alone. But there's also that creepy warehouse, which looks like the set to The Mail Room Murder versus the Forklift Flenser even with the lights on... aaaaand that's where the bathrooms are... great (that's going to be a fun episode here in a few hours). The cars driving by my window are also kind of spooky, going slow and silent on the road that isn't quite there. Can they see me? Maybe I'll start waving... I'm sure that couldn't be a bad idea. Oh, hullo guy in a parka walking around at 10:00 in the snow, you're not creepy or anything. Keep on truckin', brother.

Anyway. It's still snowing out and I've got some reading to do if this is going to be a productive little adventure. I'll check back here regularly if anyone wants to keep me informed of what transpires out there in the big wide world while I'm castaway.

But first, I might make a spear out of my extra pens in case I need to fend off the mean looking staple remover crocs that swarm in the supply room. Be back in a bit...

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10:10: Raided Sarah's fridge and discovered - SHOCK! - booze! I'm sure that'll get the ol' red ink flowing.

Not a twist off! Foul play! I don't carry a bottle opener - do I look like a frat boy... or Jason? And every time I try the whole table edge slap thing I end up with wounds, so that's right out.

Hummm...

Dark Archive Contributor

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:


Hummm...

Who's that outside your office window?

Liberty's Edge

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If you hear a knock at the door don’t answer it.

If you hear an odd noise coming from somewhere in the building don’t investigate.

Liberty's Edge

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As for the alcohol, does anyone there keep a Swiss army knife type device around? Is there a can opener in the kitchenette? Is there a kitchenette?

Silver Crusade

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Watch out for the scurvy, dude.

(I'm serious. I know someone that actually managed to get it, though he didn't have being stranded in white freezing death as an excuse)

And please try to resist the urge to resort to cannibalism until at least noon.

I'm praying for you.

Paizo Employee Managing Developer

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Give it a try, Wes. Just use something as a lever with your hand as the fulcrum. A lighter, desktop, metal ruler, latch on a door, whatever should do.

By the way, I encourage you to get creeped out and continue developing Carrion Crown. It'll be better for it.

Silver Crusade

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Adam Daigle wrote:

Give it a try, Wes. Just use something as a lever with your hand as the fulcrum. A lighter, desktop, metal ruler, latch on a door, whatever should do.

Last time I did that I wound up spitting out glass particles.

I may have been doing it wrong.

In all seriousness, I say roll with the theme. Trapped in the office by snow? Off the clock?

Download Steam and play either Team Fortress 2 (Viaduct map) or Counter-Strike(if only for the office map).

Creeping dread will quickly give way to angry and/or triumphant cursing.

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10:26: The door latch trick worked marvelously! Life skill aquired!

Heard what sounded like footsteps upstairs and remembered that I am not alone. Somewhere up there is Chris's triops. Lurking... plotting... running around in the air vents on those tiny tail things it totally wants you to think aren't stingers.

This pen and gum eraser spear will not serve in the tricloptic face of The Beast.

Hummm...

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Shame that the office is built on that old Duwamish burial ground and all...look into the light, Wes!

Dark Archive

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:

10:26: The door latch trick worked marvelously! Life skill aquired!

Heard what sounded like footsteps upstairs and remembered that I am not alone. Somewhere up there is Chris's triops. Lurking... plotting... running around in the air vents on those tiny tail things it totally wants you to think aren't stingers.

This pen and gum eraser spear will not serve in the tricloptic face of The Beast.

Hummm...

Be careful Wes I hear at midnight, the ghost of former occupants of that office arrive, plus don't open any doors you don't remember being in a location. Hope you survive the night.

Paizo Employee Managing Developer

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...and who knows what's going on in that weird quarry right over the hill?

Silver Crusade

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Does the building have a basement?

Or a sub-level of any kind?

Just throwings that out theres.

Hey, you've got enough free time to start watching Marble Hornets or EverymanHYBRID on YouTube now!

Adam Daigle wrote:
...and who knows what's going on in that weird quarry right over the hill?

The one he explicitly intruded upon on the blog? The one whose sanctity he disturbed?

Paizo Employee Managing Developer

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Mikaze wrote:
The one he explicitly intruded upon on the blog? The one whose sanctity he disturbed?

~

Yep.

That very one.

A shame really.


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Haha I really hope the effects of working in an obviously haunted office building over night will manifest in the AP.

I cannot express to you the joy that would come from reading it and being able to read between the lines and say "Ah...yes this is where Wes was assaulted by the spirits...oh and here is where he drank some!"

Silver Crusade

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Really considering having a care package sent over:
John Carpenter's The Thing (DVD)
The Shinging (DVD)
Prisoner of Ice (PC)
Silent Hill:Shattered Memories (Wii)

Should just about cover it...

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Mikaze wrote:
The one he explicitly intruded upon on the blog? The one whose sanctity he disturbed?

Bah! No site has ever been so ineffectually disturbed. And here I use "disturbed" in the context that means "almost broke our fool necks running away from a gravel pit because it was unexpectedly dirty."

I like to think our dirt ghost neighbors know we are no threat.


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ex-librarians should watch for werewolves during the night...LOL

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Trout wrote:
...oh and here is where he drank some!"

You could probably open half our books and point to any page and say that with a fair chance of being correct. Just saying. You gotta stop the screaming somehow.

Aside: My office faces a U.S. Postal Service Distribution Center. I don't exactly know what that is - though the name doesn't make it a great mystery - except that they don't like it when you try to mail a package there. It's also surrounded by fences and gates and scary no trespassing signs. It's also surprisingly busy right now. I hope that's normal. I really don't want to be the guy obviously sitting in the office building with only one light on when the Libyans go looking for the plutonium they accidentally stashed in the mailbox.


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I seem to recall an old way to spook out people (mentioned in Kult 1st edition, by the way, and no, it did not involve even a bit of splatterpunk).

Someone, preferably alone, hears a slight, scratching sounds coming from direction of a door. Upon investigation, the cause of the sounds is not found as there is apparently no one outside the door.

The sounds occurs several times over the course of a night.

Eventually, the hapless, slightly irate (or spooked out) subject finds out that the sounds were made by scratching the door from the inside.

Now, I don't want to give anyone wrong ideas. Maybe it was a local little haunt trying to vacate premises just before a huge cave in causes the whole block to disappear in a deep, deep cave in. Or maybe it was just a cat trying to get out. Or maybe, just maybe it was one's second self taking over during a short fugue.

Whatever the reason, ignore it if it happens more than once. You would not want to lose your sanity over something you cannot resolve anyway. Just wait for the dawn.

Regards,
Ruemere

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Mikaze wrote:

Really considering having a care package sent over:

John Carpenter's The Thing (DVD)
The Shinging (DVD)
Prisoner of Ice (PC)
Silent Hill:Shattered Memories (Wii)

Should just about cover it...

The Thing is the ONLY movie I have on my laptop (soon to be joined by Scott Pilgrim if my Amazon order decides to ever show up). Oh, that's a lie, Sherlock Holmes is on there as well (because someone reached into my brain, ignored all the horror stuff, and made a movie of what they found)

Prisoner of Ice? Explain.

Silver Crusade

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Turn on more office lights!

Silver Crusade

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:


Prisoner of Ice? Explain.

Point-and-click adventure game from the early 90's. Set in the Arctic, ship gets entangled with a German U-boat, crate with some Lovecraftian horror is on board, hilarity ensues. I think it was part of a loose series with Shadow of the Comet, maybe. edit-or it's about you on a British submarine heading to a Nazi base in the Antarctic. It's been a while....

I'm pretty sure some clips of it can be found on YouTube. Full playthroughs of those old games are fairly common now that I think about it...

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ruemere wrote:
Just wait for the dawn.

WAIT FOR THE DAWN!!! What kind of answer to anything is that!? This is Seattle! In WINTER!? It'll be like four months before we see anything like a dawn. Lighter gray, yes, but you can't really call that dawn.

On the upside, I found James dogslicer Tom Beckett and those awesome kids from the da Vinci Arts Middle School gave us. Tonight it's my security dogslicer.

And I'm sure this totally won't have dire ramifications for Jeff, Will, and Matt in the warehouse when they roll in here around 7:00 tomorrow.

Silver Crusade

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:
And I'm sure this totally won't have dire ramifications for Jeff, Will, and Matt in the warehouse when they roll in here around 7:00 tomorrow.

Use warehouse stock

Build fort
Wait for aid

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Mikaze wrote:


Use warehouse stock
Build fort
Wait for aid

But it's coooold in theeeeeere.

Speaking of which... beer was a poor choice for one trying avoid going into the creepy warehouse where the bathrooms are. There are bathrooms upstairs too, but they're in a long dark hall and that's just a little to Ju-on for me.

Outside... there's parka yetis and Libyan plutonium rustlers.

Decisions, decisions.

I'll decide after five more pages of Neil's adventure. Turns out, by the by, Mr. Spicer and Mr. McCreary are damn good at their jobs. Might have to give them a salary bump up to four magic beans.

Paizo Employee Director of Game Design

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Wes,

Couple of notes.

1. The space heater words great.. until the fire demons crawl out at midnight and consume the souls of the innocent. It happened a few times during the APG mad dash at the end. Just an FYI. Nothing you should worry about too much.

2. If you get desperate for victuals, feel free to raid my frozen meals in the freezer.

3. Do not feel free to touch my booze supply. I know how much is there and I will cut you.

4. Whatever you do... do not, under any circumstances, close your eyes in the warehouse. There are things in there.. and they hunger.

Jason


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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:
.... Might have to give them a salary bump up to four magic beans.

But that's..that's almost twice as many beans!

Paizo Employee Creative Director

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I, being the last person to see Wes alive (may be jumping the gun here a bit) would like to claim his fancy chair as my own. Just getting that bit in here ASAP.

On a more serious note, Wes... here's my tips for how to survive a night at the office:

1) Remember that you can watch streaming Netflix awesome on a computer, so you're just a few clicks away from an episode or ten of MST3K. Or perhaps the movie I just finished watching, House of the Devil. Which was a VERY well done and creepy movie; made in 2009 but in the style of a movie made in the early 1980s and also set in the 1980s. Very effective movie.

2) You've got Jason's space heater set up, so you're good there. Well played.

3) Close your blinds. If you hear something scratching or tapping, slip your iPhone up under the blinds and take a picture on the sly; don't let The Snorkel know you're on to him! Woah... wait. That movie's got a 6.8 on the old IMDB. Higher than "House of the Devil" even. Despite its name... might be worth investigating.

4) Prisoner of Ice is a delightful game, although its Lovecraft connections were a little... sketchy. Still cool, though.

5) Don't mess with my dogslicer. It's kinda cursed, and after the witching hour, it starts to sing. You don't want to be holding it when it starts to sing.

6) If you end up like Jack Torrence at the end of "The Shining," try to leave your creepy leering body somewhere non-startling to anyone who might walk around the corner and get a start upon seeing the unexpected frozen dead.

7) Running out of advice. I think it might be time to go watch another bit of streaming Netflix. What's this I see? Sasquatch Horror? HELL yes!

Paizo Employee Chief Creative Officer, Publisher

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A wise choice, as it was still more than an hour between when I called you and when I finally got home.

Mark it at about 4.5 hours, all told.

If you start to starve, eat an ENnie. Those things are like iron rations.

Paizo Employee Director of Game Design

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See Wes, we are helping. Helping you to understand the horrors, to know about the terrible things that lurk in the dark places, where your mind wont let you look, where your thoughts don't dare to tread...

Helping.

Paizo Employee Creative Director

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Ugh... sounds like exactly the length of time it took me to get home back in Renton that one time it started snowing. No fun... ESPECIALLY if you're low on gas.

Spoiler:

Now that I live in Redmond, getting home took no longer than normal; about a minute. I put this behind a spoiler so that the poor souls who had 4 to 5 hour commutes wouldn't think I was a jerk.

Paizo Employee Managing Developer

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It's nice Wes has so much positive support.

Edit: By the way, I work in A LOT of commercial buildings, and those places have a TON of crawlspaces, and such.

Be vigilant. Morning will come.

Dark Archive

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Wes, about the thing in the warehouse, I can't tell you what it is exactly, but my last subscription loose scale a green feather and some sort of purple viscous gel in the envelope. I suggest staying away from there.

Silver Crusade

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So you guys are ready to deal with a possibly feral Wes when you get to work next week, right?

Paizo Employee Creative Director

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Mikaze wrote:
So you guys are ready to deal with a possibly feral Wes when you get to work next week, right?

I'm not sure how we could tell the difference.

HA! See what I did there?

Okay. Back to Sasquatch Horror.


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Adam Daigle wrote:

It's nice Wes has so much positive support.

Edit: By the way, I work in A LOT of commercial buildings, and those places have a TON of crawlspaces, and such.

Be vigilant. Mourning will come.

Silver Crusade

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James Jacobs wrote:
Mikaze wrote:
So you guys are ready to deal with a possibly feral Wes when you get to work next week, right?

I'm not sure how we could tell the difference.

HA! See what I did there?

Okay. Back to Sasquatch Horror.

Jason Bulmahn wrote:

3. Do not feel free to touch my booze supply. I know how much is there and I will cut you.

James Jacobs wrote:

6) If you end up like Jack Torrence at the end of "The Shining," try to leave your creepy leering body somewhere non-startling to anyone who might walk around the corner and get a start upon seeing the unexpected frozen dead.

Erik Mona wrote:
If you start to starve, eat an ENnie.

I've always appreciated this sense of caring and comraderie amongst the Paizo staff.

Dark Archive

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Hey Wes, you ever see that episode of "Supernatural" where this converted commercial building was turned into apartments, and it was haunted by americas first serial killer who would stalk people through holes in the walls and then abduct them dragging them into the crawlspaces in the walls screaming in terror, then locking them in a small crawlspace in an old abandoned sewer junction below the building. Luckily he would only terrorize them for a few days then brutally murder them. That was such an awesome episode. Anyway Wes sweet dreams *whistles innocently*

Silver Crusade

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Jeremy Mcgillan wrote:
Hey Wes, you ever see that episode of "Supernatural" where this converted commercial building was turned into apartments, and it was haunted by americas first serial killer who would stalk people through holes in the walls and then abduct them dragging them into the crawlspaces in the walls screaming in terror, then locking them in a small crawlspace in an old abandoned sewer junction below the building. Luckily he would only terrorize them for a few days then brutally murder them. That was such an awesome episode. Anyway Wes sweet dreams *whistles innocently*

Oh yeah, that was about H. H. Holmes!

No one really knows just how widespread his antics were.

Contributor

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Mikaze wrote:
I've always appreciated this sense of caring and comraderie amongst the Paizo staff.

Yeaaaaah, it's totally different then working with a bunch of half-funny chuckleheads.

In order of egregiousness:

Jason: You know... I probably wouldn't have even gone back into your office after looting it for heat. But now, what's this? Imported you say? Serve cold - keep on ice? Why Mr. Deer, he doesn't seem to be following any of these instructions. Why don't you come keep me company, eh? Oh, and might I say how dashing you look in green.

James: You know me better than that, I wouldn't leave a corpse out in the open. Given the choice, I'd prefer to go much more like the Grudge, leaving something to skitter around in the rafters with Chris's triops.

Erik: Why does victory taste like a new dental filling? If anyone asks next week, those marks are from the year we told Sutter ENnies were filled with bean curd.

Paizo Employee Director of Game Design

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Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Jason Bulmahn
Lead Designer without his "medicine"
Paizo Publishing

Contributor

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Jeremy Mcgillan wrote:
Hey Wes, you ever see that episode of "Supernatural" where this converted commercial building was turned into apartments, and it was haunted by americas first serial killer who would stalk people through holes in the walls and then abduct them dragging them into the crawlspaces in the walls screaming in terror, then locking them in a small crawlspace in an old abandoned sewer junction below the building. Luckily he would only terrorize them for a few days then brutally murder them. That was such an awesome episode. Anyway Wes sweet dreams *whistles innocently*

H. H. Holmes is totally awesome! Well, you know, as much as a real trap laying serial killing psychopath can be. I remember Sernett wrote a neat Masque of the Red Death bit on him for Polyhedron (I think) like a decade ago. Also one on the Grand Guignol. They were separate things, but I remember them being really really cool.

Sorry, just a case of Plinko brain there.

But yeah, Supernatural seems like it has a lot I'd like in it, but it also kind of has that wantabe X-Files vibe, so I've never sat down and watched one.

WHOA! Watched a car spin out. Seeing that happen in utter silence is pretty weird.

Contributor

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Jason Bulmahn wrote:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Jason Bulmahn
Lead Designer without his "medicine"
Paizo Publishing

Hey, what does "Auszug Edekster Krauter" mean?

Paizo Employee Director of Game Design

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:
Jason Bulmahn wrote:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Jason Bulmahn
Lead Designer without his "medicine"
Paizo Publishing

Hey, what does "Auszug Edekster Krauter" mean?

Extracted from precious herbs.

/weep

Jason

Contributor

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Jason Bulmahn wrote:


Extracted from precious herbs.

/weep

The key word being "precious," right?

Contributor

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12:15: A pleasantly cenobite-free jaunt through the warehouse. Even washed my mug. Now what goes good with instant coffee... hum, hum, hum, what indeed.

Aaaaand there's parka dude walking past outside again. I'm going assume that's a different guy and not the chilly ghost of an Arctic explorer who can only make left turns.

Contributor

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12:22: Tastes like Robitussin.

Dark Archive

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Wes you could:

A. Turn the horror tables back on James and sleep over at his place.
This is Poetic I think.

B. Put some new art on the blog. I know, I know... it takes three people to create the blog, etc. But multiple personalities have to count.

C. Start an Off Topic discussion thread '1001 Things to do at the Paizo office in the Dead of Night'

D. Man the phones for the first 24 hour Paizo Customer Service/FAQ/Rules Questions/Tell Me About Your PC day.

E. F. Wesly Schneider 'I'm Managing Editor by day/Phone Sex Operator by Night'... hey I have Holiday bills don't judge me.

F. Start on Pathfinder Epic Psionic Space Opera rules now.

Paizo Employee Director of Game Design

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F. Wesley Schneider wrote:
12:22: Tastes like Robitussin.

If there is anything left of you the next time I am in the office...

You'll pay for this treachery!

Jason

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