I'm starting to think this house was built on a mages' sacred burial ground, and at least a couple made regular use of time stop.
{puts tentacles on TV screen}
I thought those were aliens' crop circles. Huh.
If they're for summoning fiends, that could explain alot. However, it does pose a new question: Why are the summoned fiends so interested in rectal probing the Prime Material yokels?
I made some yolk 'L's one time when I was cooking.
Why is my hair on fire?
What's especially weird about that is I have no hair.
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Well, after the CDC confiscated the leprosy-laden armadillo petting zoo, you cracked open a bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit and started drinking. About an hour later, you shouted something about Mrs. Frisby and Nicodemus weighing the same as a duck and therefore witches... so you set your Burt Reynold's Franklin Mint Commemorative Toupee Collection on fire.
CH & I made s'mores though. {offers plate of s'mores to CF}
Well, after the CDC confiscated the leprosy-laden armadillo petting zoo, you cracked open a bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit and started drinking. About an hour later, you shouted something about Mrs. Frisby and Nicodemus weighing the same as a duck and therefore witches... so you set your Burt Reynold's Franklin Mint Commemorative Toupee Collection on fire.
CH & I made s'mores though. {offers plate of s'mores to CF}
I really miss the Cannonball Runner, now that I've had time to sober up.
*discreetly returns flask to interior of coat*
What do you mean "sober up"? Since when does the Celestial thread allow booze?
I didn't get drunk in the Thread Celestial.
I blame imps. Or cacodaemons.
{quietly hides half-eaten cacaodaemon left over from Eekster}
I've heard they're magically delicious.
{knocks over garbage can outside, rummages around for any non-turnip leftovers to eat}
Om nom nom!
I remember when I thought you were a weird little squirrel, CFO.
You ain't f$$$ing kidding.
Feed me, CeFo!
Aw, darn it. The magic turnip salesperson told me that those turnips would never spoil.
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OK. OK.
The boss is getting married, and I haven't met his fiancé yet. I should tidy up the place for when they show up. We need to make a good first impression!
Married? That means a f#*!ing bachelor party! I know this club in Gehenna where the strippers literally strip their skin. This is gonna be f++@ing awesome!
You don't f**+ing know the half of it.
On the one hand you've heard correct, yeeeeessss.
On the other... well... how do you feel about energy drain?
On the other... well... how do you feel about energy drain?
I only hire succubi that are EnergyStar compliant.
Er, so I've heard.
Ummm... wait, no, that wasn't me. Nosiree, nope not me.
Well... technically life force qualifies... at least as long as you have a soul or reasonable facsimile thereof remaining....
<drools>
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{gently scoots CF over to the plastic sheet on the floor}
Hey! Is there a market for celestial follower drool as a spell or alchemical component? Or as a refreshing bottled beverage? We could charge primo moolah if we could put it in a blinged-out bottle and call it something upscale.
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I just got back from the year-long (I think? Time is really wonky in the planes) cooking college. The professional chef teaching the class said I could burn toast in ways she'd never seen before. At graduation, she said I inspired her to pursue a career in law.
I've been waiting 7 long years. Where's my free turnip?
And squid! Fresh from the Outer Dankness.
That's how you know it's good.
*CHOMP*
All squids are heartless bastards. And they never call the next day.
Ooh, um, I hope this one wasn't a friend of yours.
*nom nom nom*
You did.
Next time please pay the cleaning people.