I know there are family gamers out there. I'd like to find out how to make it work so the wife and kids don't feel like i'm wasting all my free time on the game and not them. I could really use the help so i can play and still have time with my family. It seems kinda unfair for me to ask all my players and DM to come over to my house all the time. so any advice i can get from family man gamers would be really appreciated. Thanx for the help
Rotate location of play (if feasible).
Have your players rotate through dinner & snack responsibilities (so as to not burden one family or person consistently).
Have your players say "Thank you" at the end of the night to your wife & family. A little gesture like that will go a long way. :)
I only play on alternate saturdays. That way, I have alternate full weekends with my wife. It did cause some stress with the gaming group, but we have found the spacing allows the others to do other things with my off weekends- like play a minature game.
My wife and I have no children, so that doesn't come up. My friends who make gaming work with family have tried to involve the family in the game. Are your kids old enough to paint or to play with plastic minatures? Maybe they would enjoy making a model inn or some terrain for the game. Are there other wives in your group? Maybe the wives could join your group for a social evening while you play.
Unfortunately, there spread of years where the children require more of your time. I have seen many of my gaming friends drop out of games for those years. It happens alot, but only you can decide what's right for your family.
Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder
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We play every other week, and just switched to playing online through Maptools. That way, DM can stay at home and be there for his family. I can keep my two boys at home, so they don't go crazy at someone else's house. Everyone happy.
We do play face to face about every third session though. It's nice.
Plus, everything Lilith said. Gaming followed by potluck dinner (or pizza!) is cool too.
Our gaming group consisted of two couples (both of whom had newbie spouses), and three others who's wives would turn up on occasion. A typical night would be as follows: Take Out/ Pot Luck, followed by a casual gaming session (usually D&D). It was agreed for Thursday or Friday nights, since weekends are simply to hard to coordinate.
Our sessions lasted weekly for more then 18 months, we got through a campaign and only broke up when we moved away. The main thing is to get everyone involved- those not gamers could play a board game and such- it was put forward as a chance for everyone to chill out and hang with friends and family first and foremost.
My family moved in the last year so I've been out of gaming for a bit. I'm finally stabilized enough at work (I was brought in to help fix up a bad situation) that I'm looking at starting a group up again. Tragically I'm halfway in the sticks of South Carolina so not a huge pool of gamers.
Fortunately my wife games with me (and she does love her barbarians, lol) and a good buddy of mine is about to take a position at the same place I'm at. So that gets me halfway to a gaming group.
Our bigger challenge will be gaming while watching two little kids who want to play with the dice, pencils, paper, cups, and everything else on the table, lol.
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I know there are family gamers out there. I'd like to find out how to make it work so the wife and kids don't feel like i'm wasting all my free time on the game and not them. I could really use the help so i can play and still have time with my family. It seems kinda unfair for me to ask all my players and DM to come over to my house all the time. so any advice i can get from family man gamers would be really appreciated. Thanx for the help
I have 3 problems with my wife... 1 I have been able to solve 2 I have not..
Problem 1: The game is Evil and can make the person violent *same problem with video games*..
No matter how many times I tell my wife this is not true...and I tell her it has done no such thing to me and I have been playing for 25 years..she still refuses to believe me. and insists our children *when we have some* will have nothing to do with the game.. grrrrrr
Problem 2: my friends are wierd
well yeah...umm so am I...nothing I can do..;-)
Problem 3: My friends are slobs..
Make sure your guests always clean after themselfs.. and they are kind to your wife....only advice I have for you here..;-)
Problem 1: The game is Evil and can make the person violent *same problem with video games*..
Ahhh, the people we love. My wife just thinks I'm weird.
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Ahhh, the people we love. My wife just thinks I'm weird.
Problem 1: The game is Evil and can make the person violent *same problem with video games*..
I have no idea where she gets this idea.... she never even heard of RPG until We met..and does not know about the 80's western culture things that this game was evil...
She is Turkish..and Muslim...
I think she just puts them is the same category as video games.. and video games are known about and she has a low opnion on violent ones..
Ahhh, the people we love. My wife just thinks I'm weird.
Problem 1: The game is Evil and can make the person violent *same problem with video games*..
I am blessed in that my wife is every bit as weird as I am. It really takes the pressure off. And RPGs make people violent? Sheesh, seen the news lately? Or sports? The world doesn't need any stimulus to become rabid. Gamers are usually (except when someone changes their game edition) relatively rational and mild-mannered.
As for the original poster's dillema, have you tried pointing out that gaming (used in moderation) is a lot better way for you to utilize your spare time rather than 'traditonal' male pursuits? Some husbands go to bars, poker nights, bowling, sports events, strip clubs, etc. etc. leaving their families behind. Gaming seems relatively benign considering some of the alternatives. You can't get in too much trouble slaying imaginary creatures, whereas a night at the bar can lead to DUI, hangovers and acts commited with lack of judegement.
I make sure my wife has some time to do her own thing, when she has no pressure to be home.
In return I get some gaming time.
I'd like to find out how to make it work so the wife and kids don't feel like i'm wasting all my free time on the game and not them.
First off, make sure you're NOT wasting all your free time on the game and not your family. I have more than two friends who have divorced due to spending more time with friends/computers/D&D/RPGs/on-line games than their families. And it was actual time away from family, not just "perceived" by the offended spouse.
I've been married for over 10 years, and we currently have three kids. The needs of the family have grown over the years and the adding of children, but things have worked out for us.
My past few groups each had their own dynamics, but they all turned out well.
My current group meets only when our mult-tangled schedules coincide, so there's lots of weekends I'm not playing.
My last group I ran, we met every other weekend at my house. I'm in the military and out-ranked everyone in the group, so having people over for a game a dinner is actually highly approved in most parts of the military. You just don't need to spread the word that you're playing D&D. :)
On the weekends we didnt' play, they all had other games they were in, so, like another person said, it really worked out for the ones that like to be in more than one group or play more than one RPG.
As for always playing at your place, that's not so unusual. Many of my groups met at a time or place that made it easier on one specific person. If the others don't mind, then you shouldn't either.
If your wife minds... then that's a different thing altogether. I like the advice for everyone to thank your wife for using your house. A nice word goes a long way.
I know there are family gamers out there. I'd like to find out how to make it work so the wife and kids don't feel like i'm wasting all my free time on the game and not them. I could really use the help so i can play and still have time with my family. It seems kinda unfair for me to ask all my players and DM to come over to my house all the time. so any advice i can get from family man gamers would be really appreciated. Thanx for the help
The games I play in are play-by-email. They're generally much, MUCH slower than you might be accustomed to, but my wife doesn't usually have a problem with me sending off a few emails while watching TV (say) as opposed to going off to hang around with my weirdo friends and leaving her home alone. (She's not a gamer wife, unless you count "Rayman Raving Rabbids".)
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As for the original poster's dillema, have you tried pointing out that gaming (used in moderation) is a lot better way for you to utilize your spare time rather than 'traditonal' male pursuits? Some husbands go to bars, poker nights, bowling, sports events, strip clubs, etc. etc. leaving their families behind. Gaming seems relatively benign considering some of the alternatives. You can't get in too much trouble slaying imaginary creatures, whereas a night at the bar can lead to DUI, hangovers and acts commited with lack of judegement.
Oddly enough..first thing my wife told me was she would rather me be playing my RPG and video games then going out to bars/clubs/stip clubs... Because She knows before we were married I used to do that to..;-)
As for the original poster's dillema, have you tried pointing out that gaming (used in moderation) is a lot better way for you to utilize your spare time rather than 'traditonal' male pursuits? Some husbands go to bars, poker nights, bowling, sports events, strip clubs, etc. etc. leaving their families behind. Gaming seems relatively benign considering some of the alternatives. You can't get in too much trouble slaying imaginary creatures, whereas a night at the bar can lead to DUI, hangovers and acts commited with lack of judegement.
In my short amount of time being married and my more extensive experience dating... I've found that it's not really a good idea to justify your hobbies by saying "I could be doing worse!"
It's not a good idea, IMO.
I think that in a relationship people need to be understanding where there are differences. And some of our spouses and loved ones do not understand our hobby no matter how much we try to explain it, so sometimes it comes down to us saying, "well, would you rather I was doing things that you can understand, like playing billiards at the pub or watching football and getting drunk?"
It's not really that we are saying "I could be doing worse" it's just part of the explanation.
Personally, though, my meatspace game is work. I teach English as a foreign language in a Chinese university and my players are there to practice English and have fun.
Yeah, I can see that. Luckily, my wife tolerates my gaming. Although she doesn't like it when we game late - and she isn't too fond on my Pathfinder addiction..
But, honestly... and ofcourse wives are very different and we all have to learn how to explain ourselves very differently.. I've never found the "I could be doing 'y'" as a legitmate rebuttle and argument(for lack of a better word) ender.
Like I said.. that's my experience. If there are wives that will accept that... your are very very lucky. Mine would throw a fit! haha
Just realized I'm not really being coherant... stupid lack of sleep...
Just ignore my ramblings... :D
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I'm lucky. I have a geek wife. How Geek?
I bought here a GenCon VIG pass for her birthday. $500 of Geek worth just there alone.
Consider doing somethings that might help. Get your kids involved in gaming. Try picking up the basic D&D boxed set if you can and play with your kids. Or perhaps get some D&D minis and play with your kids with those.
I also tend to game with other people who have kids. they bring thier kids to the house when I run my games and no one seems to mind when the kids raise a ruckus in the next room. That might get your spouse interested or if she stays being a D&D widow perhaps hanging out with one of your friends wives.
If that doesn't work, consider getting a sitter while you play and maybe the wife would like to get out and see something or a friend while you game. (This might get you out of seeing a movie that you don't want to see.)
For a while now my gaming group has been Myself as the DM, My wife and son, and a couple and thier son who we are very close too and a new friend my wife met thorugh connections. At this time I would have to say that this is the best group that I have had in a long time. The boys are 11 and 12 so we have the next generation of gamers coming up. My wife loves to play D&D and hanging out with friends and I admit, I like it to, but I like the game mastery part more than the actual play. Our friends get to play and know that they aren't avoiding eachother and that thier kids are at a place having fun with supervision.
Here is another thing I recomend. Find some other game your wife can play. Try "Apples to Apples". Great game, though not an RPG. Its simple to learn and in many cases a laugh riot. I'm sure that your friends could play as well. Let her see that games are just another way of getting with people and having a good time with them and learning to relate with them. Once you have her playing that, try Chez Geek, and then Munchkin. If you can get her into that, RPGs are just a step away. If you can't get her into it though , no big deal, chances are you have built up a stronger understanding of games and you should have an easier time of getting the group together.
Oh, and get your friends to pickup after themselves. SHe's got your kids to mother, She more than likely doesn't want to mother your group. :P
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I am blessed in that my wife is every bit as weird as I am. It really takes the pressure off.
QFT!
My girlfriend is not an RPG'er, but she can hardly take the piss out of me for playing D&D, when she's spent the evening on Animal Crossing, putting up rude signs ('STD Clinic' or 'Brothel') on people's houses that she doesn't like.
Yeah; would she rather you came home with a DMG, or an STD?
Haha that struck me very funny.
My girlfriend is not an RPG'er, but she can hardly take the piss out of me for playing D&D, when she's spent the evening on Animal Crossing, putting up rude signs ('STD Clinic' or 'Brothel') on people's houses that she doesn't like.
For a second, I thought that said:
"...when she's spent the evening on Animal Crossing OR putting up rude signs on people's houses..."Now that would be an unusual hobby. :)
I have a 10 month old daughter and work at a boarding school (read: time-leeching soul-crushing pit of despair), so my wife could very easily get frustrated when I dash off every weekend to spend a whole day running my D&D campaign. The reason she doesn't is that she knows that this is my one outlet for fun. She doesn't understand the fascination of RPGs, but she is willing to let me have my one day a week that keeps me from melting down.
I make sure, though, that it really is only one day, which is why I have my Pathfinder subscription. I am the groups primary DM, mostly because I know the rules so much better than anyone else in the group, and if I had to write my own stuff, it wouldn't work out. So milk those subscriptions and keep the family happy! The other six days a week, I am home and helping with the little one. Along those lines, I make sure that my wife gets out of the house, too. She is more of a night-owl and bar-lover, so at least once a week she goes out with friends and gets her drink on, while I watch the baby. This way, she feels like the time away is equitable.
As an aside, the other 6 players in my group are 3 married couples, so I know that family role-playing is an option, and the couples seem to enjoy the time together.
O
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Things to keep in mind:
1) Always put your family first. This means you'll have to bump gaming sometimes because you have spouse/parent duties. Sometimes you won't get a chance to write the summary until tomorrow night, or wok on the next BBEG until Thursday.
2) Make sure gaming isn't a full-time hobby. If you don't want your wife to think you're spending all your free-time on gaming, then don't spend all your free-time gaming. My group meets "every other Friday night," which means sometimes we go 3 weeks without meeting (like this week). In college, you can get away with gaming for 24 straight hours every weekend; not so much when your married with kids.
3) Rotate responsibilities. When it's time to game, find out which of your players wants to volunteer to host. Don't always rely on yourself and, by extension, your wife to host. Start off with dinner (even if it's just pizza), but make sure your players each have something to bring (chips, drinks, dessert).
4) Include your family. In my group, the wives (none of whom game) often get together to scrapbook, watch movies, let the kids play, etc while we game. I'm glad my daughter is finally old enough to sit in my lap and hold a d20 without shoving it in her mouth. Pretty soon, it will be exciting for her to roll the dice for daddy, even if she doesn't understand why.
I didn't read the thread, but I'm sure you've gotten this advice several times by now. Hope it helps.
-Skeld
Suck it up. You chose to have a wife and family, that comes first. How often are you playing? If it's more than twice a week, then yeah, it's too much.
For us, I get one night off a week and the wife gets one night off a week. My night off is playing D&D, hers is dinner out with friends/off reading/whatever.
Consider playing via computer: Maptools, kloogewerks, FantasyGrounds, etc. At least then you're home.
I went from single with a social-gamer girl-friend to Dad of a 6 years old and a 3 years old with a social-gamer fiancer (She still likes beating up monsters).
When we had a baby (or a toddler and a baby) I'd play once a week in the basement (unfinished but appropriate) with friends after the kids went to bed on friday nights and I'd take my turn with the bottles later that night/morning.
She and I would play together with a couple of gamer friends who are in the same kids/age situation as we are but only once in while. We'd go to their house (or they'd come to ours) for the day, the kids play together and we all sleep over and play after the kids are of to bed.
Now that the kids are a not so young, we play once every two weeks with other friends at our house. The kids get to see our friends (two are their godfathers actually) before going to bed. We still go over (or host over) for sleep-over games with our other friends close to once a month.
The sessions are shorter than the full-day-night we used to have before the kids but they may come back in a few years.
In short, I have friends who understand the kids dynamics (some of them have them, some had them and some just get it). I actually stop playing with a group that didn't get that so much :(.
Since my girl-friend's a gamer (was before we met) I didn't have to convince that it was O.K. But trading "off-time" with your wife could help (might also give a push out to her own off-time, that sometimes gets neglected by mothers ...).
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As much as possible, try to incorporate your family into your hobby(s).
My wife (going on 15 years this year) did not originally like RPGs when we first got married. We were in college and as I was DM, we always gamed at our place. She tolerated it and cooked for the guys but mostly thought it was silly.
After college, I talked her into playing with some friends, she enjoyed it and while it is still mostly my hobby, we've gone to Gencon together, game together with out kids when we can and the game is not percieved as time spent away from family, rather for all of us it is an activity that brings us closer as a family because we do it together.
Generally speaking, the more you and your spouse do together (and enjoy together), the better off you are.
On the flip side, when possible, I try and make it a point to participate in some things just for her sake that I might not otherwise engage in.
EDIT: IMO It also helps to game with friends who share similar family situations as you. Married, Dating, Married with children, etc.
Interesting topic.
I'm single, and don't date often, so you'd think I'd have nothing to add.
Not so. Many of the folks I game with or have gamed with in the past have been married. One of the best games I've been in consisted of two married couples, another fellow who was married (his wife, whilst a gamer had a work conflict at that time) and myself.
What made the game fun was the wives really getting into the game. One had been gaming with her husband for years, the other one was just being introduced to gaming. She took to it like a fish takes to water. She loved the roleplaying aspect of the game, and when her and her husband moved overseas she was planning her own campaign out to run.
Another couple I know (just recently moved away sadly) it was the wife that introduced the husband to gaming.
I'd take some of the advice of the folks here. Another really good intro game, if you can find it, is Dungeoneer. It's a card game that is essentially a dungeon crawl that lets you control your character, and what monsters and traps attack your opponents.
If your wife has any leanings towards games in general having a family game night might not be out of the question. My parents did this while I was growing up quite frequently, and while it was usually cards (though there were nights it was Nintendo). It gave something for them, myself and my siblings and their spouses (I was the youngest) to do when we got together to relax and enjoy each other.
Lot of good advice on this thread.
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I am married, self employed and have 4 boys ages 5-14. Needless to say I am a busy guy. However, I have been able DM for a group of 7 people for the last 8-9 years once a week on Thursday nights almost without fail. I finally developed a system that works great for us. If you want to do the same, sit down with your wife and discuss the below with her, making sure she buys in along the way.
This is how I do it:
(1) I established my priorities - work, family, fun in that order (of course family comes first in crisis, but I am speaking in general). Since my wife doesn't work, I need to do whatever it takes to put food on the table first. She understands this. I am sure it would be the same if you both worked.
(2) I explained the importance of running my game and being involved with gaming. I made this very clear before we got married (16 or so years ago) and my emphasis on this has never wavered.
(3) I set aside a regular day to play. For me this is Thursday nights, 7pm-whenever. Having a set schedule simplifies the issue and allows planning for other events to take place. We both strongly honor this commitment. I leave for my game at 6pm every Thursday without fail even if she is very busy. I stay only if going would be harmful to my kids or cause some other calamity. She shoulders all of the homework/kids/dinner issues this night. I would say that I have missed my game night perhaps 3 or 4 times in the last 8 years for reasons outside of work where my wife needed me. If needed, I delay the game start by an hour or so so I can do whatever it is I *have* to do before going. Also, I don't have to "ask" to go to my game. It is understood I am going unless something drastic occurs.
(4) I make every effort to attend all of my kids' functions, go out with her, attend family functions and whatnot the other 6 days of the week and even attend kids' ball games on Thursday night, working with her so I can see some or all of the game and then leave from the field afterward. I also cover for her any night she wants to go out with friends. I do the homework, laundry, cooking whatever it takes so she can just up and go at any other time.
(5) When we schedule birthday parties, events or whatever, we leave Thursday nights free. This is very important as it respects the time you have both agreed to set aside. If kids' ballgame or other schedules conflict with my game night, we work together to get me to my game as soon as practical. Perhaps I will go to the next game while she goes to the Thurs night game (with 4 kids in sports and 2 adults, we can't be everywhere at once and rarely can go to the same event together, so we switch back and forth so we can see our kids play and still keep other commitments). Also, by respecting the schedule, she has found she can plan a regular time away from home as well for a girl's night out with friends or hobbies. I honor her commitments on other nights in the same way she honors mine on Thursdays.
(6) Lastly, I work on my game while she is watching TV. I sit out with her and semi-watch and plan out the next adventure. I use Paizo products of course, so I can focus on doing only what has to be done rather than homebrewing from scratch. This gives us additional time together and still lets me get things done for the game.
This has worked so well for us that I was able to add a monthly game night in a nearby city with some old friends. Again, I schedule this night as far in advance as I can (usually 1 month) and thus far have not had a problem with my time.
In short, with my commitment to spend at least 85% of my evenings with her I get a break for one night and give her the same opportunity and more the other nights of the week. Works for us.
It's a tough one and no mistake. Especially if your partner doesn't game. My wife doesn't do D&D and always laughs at my 'funny game with elves and dice' but she understands how important it is for me. that's the first thing.
The second thing is time. Cathy would really start resenting D&D if it intruded on either the kids time or on our time as a couple, so I ensure that doesn't happen. I prepare for the game when the kids are in bed and the missus is watching some naff human interest show that she knows I wouldn't be watching anyway, and the weekends are always family oriented.
The third thing is commitment. Funnily enough, everything runs smoother when Cathy knows I will not ever miss D&D unless a crisis occurs or work intrudes. conversations about friends coming over or appointments that might run into the early evening always have the following comment "...and I know Thursday's is out of the question, so I thought this day might be better". I don't need to say anything. Even my mother-in-law knows about Thursday nights and sometimes volunteers to babysit if she knows something would upset the applecart.
The fourth thing is extenuating circumstances. When I'm late to a game, Lee (hi DMDemon), Bob (hi Snorter) and the others always know that it's because of a childcare situation, or parent's evening (always Thursday nights for some reason) or some such event. Inability to attend is the same, only normally it involves Casualty (umm... A&E department at the hospital, not the TV show).
Of course it helps that the game is normally run in a mobile phone dead zone and Cathy doesn't like bothering people on their land line...
The last thing is about attitude. Playing D&D is pretty inoffensive and safe, and unlikely to result in injuries or upset (rules lawyering excepted). Plus Cathy knows that if I get a night off, she can also catch up with friends one night a week (and if my night is more time intensive, hers is almost always more expensive, and likely to be weekend!) It's a balance that I find makes everything easier.
As to venue - we play in the DM's house. That's logical and gives him a bit of breathing space. We thank the wife/hostess/player for letting us come, and we don't treat it like a hotel. my kids are 1, 3 (nearly) and 6 so they're in bed before I go. Cathy sometimes wonders why we don't play in anyone else's house, but to be honest that doesn't work, coz we don't have the space and my kids especially would treat it as an excuse to mess around (one child could possibly be ok, but a toddler and a six year old would be mental, like playing with a miniature tornado and a noise machine right next to you).
Bit long, hope it helps. Good luck!
I don't know if I can add too much as my wife is part of our gaming group already (and really she's the reason I got back into D&D after a 10-year hiatus since she had seen her sister play and wanted to learn to play too). Our son isn't old enough to learn yet (he's 3) but when he gets a little older we'll certainly see if he wants to learn.
My main suggestion would be to try to get your family to play. If your children are old enough try to set up a family game to see if they want to learn. If your children aren't old enough to learn yet, then maybe see if your wife wants to run through a one-shot adventure to get the basics down. A little understanding of what you're actually doing during gaming nights would go a long way. If she likes it, then maybe see if she wants to join your group, or even start another one with other friends she feels comfortable with (i.e. not necessarily a "boy's club" group). Since getting back into D&D I've been blessed to have groups that are 50-50 in terms of the male/female split so that it doesn't become a boy's club (I remember way back in high school my group at the time was a boy's club, and when I tried to entice a girl who wanted to play D&D into our group she ultimately decided against it as she didn't want to be the only girl there).
I always scheduled gaming for Sunday afternoons, when my wife was leaving for work -- she'd say, "Hi, folks! Sorry I can't stay!" (She finds RPGs a bore, but doesn't mind that I'm into them.)
Then I'd be sure to clean up before she got home.
Have your players say "Thank you" at the end of the night to your wife & family. A little gesture like that will go a long way. :)
...and make sure they pick up after themselves at the end of the session. Nothing peeves a partner more than feeling forced to pick up after sloppy friends.
Splitting weekends has worked for me in the past. One night would be guys' game night and girls' night out. The other night would be couples night. With kids in the equation, I suppose the latter becomes family night.
Tragically I'm halfway in the sticks of South Carolina so not a huge pool of gamers.
Where in SC? That's where I learned D&D, before I escaped to Alaska.
I just came back to my D&D group. Took six months off of DMing due to my newly born daughter.
Family does take its toll on ones gaming habits, though with my, family matters comes first.
We no longer schedule sessions on weekends, that's my time with my family.
I now try to get home from work earlier then usual at least twice a week. Your work place must be flexible enough for you to pull such a fit.
We schedule a session on one of those two nights (starting at around 19:00 tops, and finishing around 23:00 for a four hours session a time).
My other gaming habits (PC gaming) suffers, so I quit my current MMO subscription due to lack of time. (was very hard to pull away from WoW but it can be done).
Hopefully, when my kids are older, I'll be able to DM for them too and maybe... just maybe... pull my wife into the game too
Best of luck to ye.
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Not that it will be any help but the wife has played with me and will play if there are other people she knows that are playing. However she enjoys a game of munchkin over D&D. As for our daughter she is almost 5 and is already asking me to teach her how to play D&D Minis. She has some of her own that I have given her, larges and huges only. Her favorites are her Huge Fire Mental and Placer Beast. In minis we play with normal melee attacks only and I tell her how many spaces each piece can move. She counts them out and decides what she wants to do. My son is still floating in the womb(only one month to go) but he gets to listen to us as we read to his big sister. Who loved the book, "The Dragons of North Crittendon." Next up is Treasure Island.
My wife and daughter (6 years old) enjoy playing "Faeries Tale" on a regular basis (read: 1-3 times/week). This success facilitated my wife's comfortable transition into D&D twice a month on Sunday evenings. Our D&D group is small, but could still intimidate a newer player because of rules experience and out-of-game player histories.
Our success with Faeries Tale arose from powerful storytelling. Rules were important, but getting players' characters involved became more important. Set-up was H-U-G-E! I cannot tell you how long I have spent making character cards* for my wife, daughter, daughter's fiends who visited and played the game. I've been able to incorporate music for scary scenes, stuffed animals for...well, animals; hey, they aren't always Paizo goblins to kill in Faeries Tale! Once my wife felt she understood what was going on with the game, and saw me transition similar practices into D&D, things transitioned smoothly, I feel.
Gaming always takes a backseat to family, but gaming can help facilitate family time. My daughter was interested in reading because of her character card. She talked about values her character had, and commented why some bad guys were "bad." She makes her decions and sees consequences. The game time isn't our platform to express morality, but to show certain things. Sometimes, it's just good to slap the goblin, return his ill-gotten to the bear family, and go home with a belly full of S'mores (but there should be REAL S'mores if this is the plan! :)
* Character cards are like baseball cards. Because Faeries Tale uses so few statistical categories, I could fit most of the numbers, abilities, etc. on a 2.5" x 3.5" card. Creative spacing on the card allowed players to decorate the card with stickers, markers, glitter-glue ("faerie dust!"). Place the card in a shiny colored sleeve. place the sleeve in a colorful folder. Give a couple GameMastery Item cards to players for treasure. Give a space to write or doodle or both. Tah-dah: instant character investment by players.
My wife and daughter (6 years old) enjoy playing "Faeries Tale" on a regular basis (read: 1-3 times/week).
This sounds like a perfect way to induct my daughter into gaming! I thought she could play a familiar when she was old enough, and then expand from there. Who produces Faeries Tale?
A healthy balance is the key. My wife and I had a few issues when I spent far, far too much time on D&D. Not playing time though - it was mostly (over)doing my preparation.
Luckily, despite my urge to create a vast backstory and screeds of detail for my campaign, I finally twigged that my players didn't care. They were seeing maybe 10% of that work. Out of the 5, maybe 3 wanted to ground their characters in the story properly, but they never needed the breadth and depth of info I'd slaved over. The other 2 just really wanted to 'kill stuff' and blow out the stress from their day jobs.
So I cut right back on all that extra time spent not with my wife.
I also made a conscious decision to cut out PC gaming. At least my D&D night is a social experience where my wife can wander in and out, and chat to the guys etc. PC games may as well be me locked away in a black box for 10 hours. I tried getting her to play a few times, but while she had fun she has the attention span of a 2 year old at times, so se'd just want to go off and do something else mid-game.
Key things I've learnt as a married gamer with a kid:
- Give time AND HELP to your wife and kids first. You know the old line about nothing turning a woman on more than seeing a man doing the dishes? Gamings easier when you've accumulated some bonus credits.
- Have a space for game stuff, keep it tidy, and if you bring stuff out, make sure it goes back. Then she won't feel like it's slowly swallowing her house.
- Get your kids some plastic minis. It will keep their mitts of the metal ones you slaved over for hours.
- Stand up for your hobby. If she thinks it's a bit weird, or silly, or nerdy, make it clear that it matters a lot to you and you will NOT allow it to be used to tease, belittle, or embarrass you.
- Game with people who, if they don't have kids/spouses, at least understand the pressures that come with family life.
And finally, the golden rule:
NEVER, EVER, EVER SPEND MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE, OR THAT IS NEEDED FOR BILLS/GROCERIES/KIDS, ON GAMING STUFF. EVER.
Good luck!
This sounds like a perfect way to induct my daughter into gaming! I thought she could play a familiar when she was old enough, and then expand from there. Who produces Faeries Tale?
Firefly-games.com. Paizo.com also sells the .pdf and a spooky adventure here. Realize that there are about 5 adventures for the game, but only two are sold ($3.00 or so). I do NOT know if the Paizo edition is the Deluxe edition or not; go with the deluxe edition.
If memory serves.. my copy says Green Ronin Games
Cool -thanks! I'll look into it.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, the ideas were very helpful, and may solve a lot of issues. It's nice to know that there are ways to work it out. Thanks again.
Wow, thanks for the tip about Faery's Tale; I think my six year old would love it.
I game once every two weeks on a weeknight as suggested above and we play at one of out FLGSs (we are lucky that way!). When I DM I use pre-written material (Pathfinder is awesome for this; DCC's are good too) to minimize prep time. I also broke the computer gaming habit. All of this minimizes time away and has worked out well.
My wife is also a gamer (again, lucky me) and we have one whole very full shelf of two player games.
My daughter likes to re-write the stories in her journal. At age 6, I'm excited about her enthusiasm about reading and writing. She re-writes parts of the story that she would change, like a future DM. See- another reason to be a good parent: having my character avoid random lightning bolts from my DM Daughter later in life.