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Now that voting for Round 2 has closed, I thought it was an appropriate time to start this thread – assuming everyone doesn’t have country fatigue by now.
So, you really wished you had made it to Round 2? You started working on a country anyway? You decided to try this as an exercise? You want to see how your work stacks up against the real Superstars? Post your country here!
Here’s one I prepared earlier…
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The City-State of Malashkar
“Malashkar – a cancerous brick and mortar growth, tainting all it touches with foulness … and you wanted to come back here?”
Veros Pol, adventuring wizard.
The City
Dark fingers of stone stretch into the smoky sky, belching choking soot, dwarfed by the great spire of the Fane. Brick by brick the city creeps over the land, swallowing fallow fields, stones lain by desperate citizens and rotting undead. Decaying boardwalks, thick with tar, reach over miles of stinking mud flats towards the oily sea. In the black heart of the Fane, a malignant presence exerts its divine will.
This is the Eternal City, rotten heart of Malashkar, an un-shining monument of brick and stone.
The Eternal City spreads ever upwards and outwards, a jumble of architectural styles and materials after a millennium of expansion. Work crews build faster than the population grows, and whole districts lie rotting and abandoned or new and unsettled.
The soot-stained streets of the city’s inhabited areas are filled with dull-faced laborers, desperate thieves, greedy merchants and haughty nobles. Tall buildings housing homes, businesses, factories, foundries, and taverns crowd close to narrow lanes and broad avenues alike.
Government
The Oligarchic Council governs the city-state, but real power rests with the Fane’s Keepers, the priesthood of The Dweller Within The Fane.
The current head of the Oligarchy is Grand Mayor Alast Kragen , who’s word is law, except when over-ruled by The Fane’s Voice, Nithail , who claims only to speak the will of the Dweller.
The nation’s power center is predominantly of Neutral Evil alignment.
The Fane
Built upon, around and within a great crag of rock at the city’s center, the Fane has grown as the city has, gnawing from within just as the city devours the land around it. The great spire is the tallest structure within the city, rising to dizzying heights. It is said that the ancient, partly flooded caverns beneath the structure stretch as far below.
The Fane’s Keepers draw clerical powers from the Dweller Within . It is forbidden to enter the Fane without permission from the priesthood; work crews who undertake the continual modifications and additions to the Fane are an exception to this rule.
No other temples or churches may be built within the state. The worship of other gods is not explicitly outlawed and takes place within private houses, open fields or hidden chapels.
The State
Malashkar stretches from the shores of the Bitter Sea in the east to the Kingdom of the Delsars in the west. The Yeghani Crags form the northern border with Varansin whilst the southern scraggy wastelands and dirt farms eventually give way to the Whispering Desert.
Existing at sub-tropical latitude, meager rainfall makes Malaskar a mainly dry land. The farms and ranches that struggle to temper the hunger of the Eternal City leech water from deep wells and muddy dams, or else cluster around the Ghar Eel River. The river grows fouled with runoff and effluent from farm fields well before it reaches the city and the sluggish sea beyond. Despite the dry, warm days, the nights grow bitterly cold, particularly towards the coast.
Rocky hills, dry plains and scrubby forests dominate the landscape. Nearer the coast, the terrain is claimed by great expanses of mudflats and salt-water marshes. Quarries, pit mines and sunken shafts scar the landscape, evidence of the state’s hunger for resources such as clay, stone, iron, gold, salt, and coal.
Janahal Tor is a logging and trade town near the Forest of Sot. The town has recently reached some type of accord with the wild elves of Sot, but whole-scale logging operations have not resumed.
Low Dirriton , located several miles south of the city, is the largest mining town in the state.
Babragel’s Rest is a large rural center , its population declining as farms fail and folk move to the Eternal City.
Fortress Spargen within the Yeghani Crags guards several gold mining operations.
Fer Hasko is an ancient ruin within the Whispering Desert, a day south of the hamlet of Nosk.
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Very Nice
Thanks man.
What do you think of how I did the "DM's secrets", with the spoiler tags scattered throughout?
When I was writing it, I thought it was a great idea ... when I saw the 32 real entries and realised no-one else had done it that way, I started to wonder if there was a reason for that ... and now that I've posted it, I think maybe it makes the entry look a bit dis-jointed. Would you have preferred to see them all clustered together at the end in their own section?
Very very nice Mothman. I think it certainly is better than some of the 32.
It makes you wonder what awesome countries we have missed out on, just because the author messed up while creating their magic item...or unknowningly copied one already in print (I had never read the Planar Handbook...).
Very Nice
Thanks man.
What do you think of how I did the "DM's secrets", with the spoiler tags scattered throughout?
When I was writing it, I thought it was a great idea ... when I saw the 32 real entries and realised no-one else had done it that way, I started to wonder if there was a reason for that ... and now that I've posted it, I think maybe it makes the entry look a bit dis-jointed. Would you have preferred to see them all clustered together at the end in their own section?
I think they do make it a little disjointed, yes. The content, however, is good. I especially like the purposeful use of the word un-shining!
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Very Nice
Thanks man.
What do you think of how I did the "DM's secrets", with the spoiler tags scattered throughout?
That's how I did it (should be posted later today).
I like the idea of putting the DM's Secrets next to the items to which they relate.
A block of 1000 words gets quite dense and hard to read online. It's a good sneaky way to break it up and make it a bit interactive. At least one of the official entries (Cyrehllan) did this, though he put all the secrets together at the end.
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Very very nice Mothman. I think it certainly is better than some of the 32.
It makes you wonder what awesome countries we have missed out on, just because the author messed up while creating their magic item...or unknowningly copied one already in print (I had never read the Planar Handbook...).
Yeah, I seriously messed up the magic item part ... kinda missed the point.
Cool! I look forward to seeing it - hope some others will post theres as well.
I will try to post by the end of the week. The reason I didn't enter is because I've been too swamped with work and life stuff. Even if I was fortunate to advance into round 2, there's no way I could meet those deadlines- pressure!
I love your 'entry', Mothman. It has a definite feel to it...a taste, even. Its like Lemony Snicket's world meets D&D- I love the medieval/industrial feel to it. You made no mention of dominant races or racial conflict. The world seems so bleak and hopeless that racial differences are trumped by misery. Love it. Cool, original situations for a DM to use immediately in a game. Unique idea without being weird or unplayable.
This would be in my top 5 had it had been in this round.
And yes, I like the DM secrets as you have them. More...interactive that way.
Yeah, I seriously messed up the magic item part ... kinda missed the point.
Heh, I based mine on a set of houserules that I've been using for so long I forgot they weren't RaW. Doh! Eh, it qualified on one of the bad item stereotypes anyway so I was probably doomed even if I had double checked the SRD before windmill-slamming the send button.
There's always next year, right?
I don't care much for the spoilers as DM secrets (kinda makes it hard to remember where the secret stops and the other text begins again), though if you had simply labeled them as such and not used the forum tags I thing it would have been less annoying.
Otherwise, there are definitely some good (bad) things happening in this country but I wish you were less vague in the secrets. These are the SECRETS after all, right? Don't say what it could be... tell us what it IS! If I wanted to have to the creative work myself I'd likely just make the whole thing up.
Had I been chosen for second round, this would have been my entry. It did benefit from reading the critics on round 2, but the facts would have been the same (and the entry was written in essentially one day, with some revising the next, to correlate the tight schedule of the real contest.
English not being my native tongue, prepare for clunky grammar. There are some passages there of which I am not happy about and which would need heavy rewriting...
Oh, and the entry is only 930 words so if you want to hear something more about something, I have 70 words to spare.
Another country I was considering would have been LN lizardfolk country using skeletons and zombies as menial labor, and that would have caused an embarrassing situation...
Kerinnos
Lair of the Great Wyrm
Over the centuries, there have been many great nations around Lodonesa Mountains in the north. All have fallen, all except one: Theocracy of Dragon, Lair of the Wyrm, Kerinnos.
Alignment: LN(G)
Ruler: Ebrein (great wyrm silver dragon), called Dragon by Kerinnese, and its representative White Priest.
Capital: Tangustel (pop. 21000)
Notable settlements: Oudas (pop. 4000), Chein (military post, 800)
Population: 92% humans, 4% orcs and half-orcs, 4% others
Government and religion:
Kerinnos is a theocracy centered on a cult worshipping ancient silver dragon Ebrein, who resides on a mountain overlooking the capital city Tangustel. Visitors quickly learn that in Kerinnos it is impossible to separate the country, the cult and Dragon itself.
While Ebrein is the supreme ruler of the country, everyday matters are handled by religious Order of Dragon and their leader, White Priest. White Priest renounces his/her name and individuality and serves as representative of Dragon among common people until death.
Nowadays Ebrein leaves its lair only when polymorphed as humanoid, sometimes incognito to see and hear things it would miss through the official channels. Few people living today have seen Ebrein in its draconic form.
Almost all the people of Kerinnos worship Dragon as their god and protector. To be Kerinnese is to follow Dragon; that is the way of the people. Those with the closest connection with their god and blessed with divine powers form Order of Dragon. The domains Dragon is associated with are Law, Magic and Protection.
Other religions are not actively persecuted but their followers are considered outsiders and not true Kerinnese.
Geography:
Kerinnos is a large valley surrounded by Lodonesa Mountains in west, north and east. In the south, wide grasslands separate Kerinnos from other countries considered civilized. River Eldad flows south through the country and serves as connection between Kerinnos and the countries in the south. Tangustel is located on western bank of Eldad, on foothills of Ebor Mountain where Ebrein lives. Rest of the country is mostly farmlands and mountains. Thermal springs can be found all around the country.
Miner town Oudas is close to the southern border, and mountains in the north have several small military posts, largest one of them Chein (populated mostly by orcs and half-orcs).
Ebrein is not interested in expansion and due to the lack of any opposing force significant enough, life has been peaceful and borders unchanged for several generations.
People:
Kerinnos has become major center of civilization in its area, surrounded by orcs and goblinoids in north and nomadic tribes in south. It is attractive trading centre for small mining towns all around Lodonesa Mountains and also for brave explorers interested in the ruins of countries of the past. Self-sufficient as it is, its isolated nature causes prices for goods to be ~20% higher than normal.
Kerinnese are almost exclusively human. Orcs and some goblinoids live on the mountains and Oudas has considerable gnome population and also a small number of dwarves. Halflings can be found all over the country. Elves are rare and they are usually travellers and merchants.
While being completely polite, people of Kerinnos tend to be proud, haughty, insular and even a bit suspicious towards "outsiders". Theirs is a great country with long (if rather uneventful) history and mighty god, and they are surrounded by barbarians and dead. Order of Dragon and Ebrein itself are generally benevolent and just in their actions but if they view something to be a threat to the country, they react quickly and do not err on the side of mercy. Kerinnos is a good place to live for common people but it is not always a good place to be uncommon.
Kerinnos has had peaceful status quo for a long time, but that status quo is ultimately fragile and should things change, the whole country is likely to join its dead brethren.
DM secrets:
While Ebrein is one of the more powerful beings in the world, it is not a god and thus personality cult surrounding it is without foundation. Ebrein itself is fully aware of the situation but keeps this a secret even from White Priest, as people's faith in Dragon is what has kept the country together, not Ebrein.
Cabal of the Sacred Hunt, a secret society whose goal is to kill gods, have agents in Kerinnos and while they are not aware of Ebrein's mortality, they are looking for the ways to harm Dragon or at least lessen its power in Kerinnos.
Orcs in the north have started to move more and more south. Kerinnos has allowed some of the orc tribes to live in the country in exchange of military support (thus several military posts in northern mountains have considerable orc presence) but if the military strength of Kerinnos is enough or can be trusted is questionable.
Traders going up and down Eldad have to cross considerable distance across wilderness. More and more travellers have had problems with raiding barbarians.
Adventuring:
Kerinnos works best as home base for low-level adventures. Tangustel is a busy trading point for goods and people travelling long distances in wilderness, needing protection or rescue. Tribes surrounding Kerinnos need to be watched, as do independent miner towns.
There are also considerable amount of ruins and remains of other countries in surrounding areas, valuable secrets hidden among them. Secrets in which Order of Dragon is also interested but also secrets which Ebrein might want to stay hidden...
Tangustel is usable also as a setting for urban adventures, while other towns in Kerinnos and especially in surrounding areas have more borderland ambience.
Re: Malashkar
I notice thematic similarities with my entry, theocracies where the god itself resides (even though I decided to go for "good theocracy" route which IMO is less explored)
It was quite hard to keep track on what size the country was, at first only the main city is mentioned (which brought to mind that it's quite large city, I hope there is enough agriculture to keep it alive), then later I did get the picture that the area covered seems to be quite large. I like to be surprised but not confused (just see hobgoblin entry Malar in the actual contest).
I liked your writing style even if sometimes it felt you went a bit baroque in the beginning, resulting to rather choppy introduction to features for the rest of the country.
And you write good names.
Dropping the spoilers in the middle of the text made choppy reading, I don't think it was a good idea. Also some of the secrets were a bit "meh".
I also did not quite get what are the interests and plans of Dweller and its clergy. There was some vague hinting but I would need to know more what that is about.
I do hope I'm not too harsh here...but you wouldn't have made my top 5, it's interesting but half-baked entry.
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Had I been chosen for second round, this would have been my entry.
Magdalana, thanks for posting your "entry"! I like the idea behind this one - although I've seen similar before, this does not stop it from being a strong entry; and quite classic. I like the idea of this (presumably good aligned) silver dragon masquerading as a god to keep it's country strong and unified, even if it is somewhat uncomfortable with the deception.
I like the way that you've set out your entry, it is very neatly done and easy to read, and I think you've presented the information in the correct order. I like the addition of the "adventuring" section, nice touch!
I'm also impressed that you were able to present your country with the sort of detail and completeness you provided, whilst coming in 70 words under the count. I really struggled with word count on mine - I think I came in at about 998, but I had to par it down from nearly 1700!
As you mentioned, your language is a bit stilted - you probably need to put in a few more instances of "the"! I actually quite like the rythym to it actually - as an aside, where are you from?
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Re: Malashkar
No, not harsh, thanks for the feedback! Yeah, as I said, I cut a lot, and I think it shows somewhat in the way my entry is structured, and the fact that a lot of it is a bit vague.
I put the spoilers like that both to try to do somehting interesting with the format, provide some "secrets" for each part, and to save on word count (so as not have to re-describe too much in the secret for various bits), but based on my own feeling on how it looks and much of the feedback, I think I would have been better not putting it in spoilers. And yeah, some of them were probably too vague.
Yes, I think maybe I was a bit too vague about the Dweller - again, that suffered from word cuts, but I also wanted to keep a bit of mystery about it - let individual DM's make up their own minds about it. I'm happy to share my thoughts further if people would like to know.
EDIT: re area, yes the city is probably the most important area of the country by far, but as a whole I'm imagining the country to be about two to three times the size of Lichtenstein.
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I should be careful how I put this: I probably wouldn't have chosen this one to submit. That's not because it's an easier option or less interesting than the entry I never wrote, but its history, politics and society are rather sketchy and, by the criteria that I set for myself before round 2, it's restricted in the adventures and characters that the country will support. Frankly, not being in the contest frees me to take some risks with ideas that interest me.
Before the start of voting I had 1650 words. As I mentioned in the other thread, I haven't added to or rearranged this after reading the entries, though I've edited it down.
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Lacustra
"The one with the canal"
Alignment: LN
Capital: Lacustra (population 11,000: Human 65%, Elf 6%, Half-Elf 1%, Dwarf 5%, Gnome 7%, Halfling 3%, Insectila 10%, Others 3%)
Notable Settlements: Armaris (population 4,200)
Ruler: His Sublime Magnificence of the Ibis Chair Prince Zaid Fortysixth of That Name (LN male human aristocrat 9)
Government: Hereditary Prince, subject to the Eternal Laws and the Tribunal who ratify the Prince's decrees.
In a past age, the living god Ramesses decreed the building of a wonderful Canal from the sea to the Great Reed Lake, served by a new-founded port city. The urbane people of Lacustra maintain a final remnant of imperial dignity against pirates, marsh raiders and ambitious neighboring states.
The barren and worthless Midgestone Hills decline towards the lowest part of the coast before the land spreads into an untameable leagues-wide expanse of ooze. The brackish marshes of the Lacustrine Lowland steam with thick smells of salt and rot over winding channels and cypress-bearing knolls. Broken remnants of volcanic ridges project from the bog.
From its seacoast entrance, flanked by massive sphinxes worn almost to featurelessness, the Canal's stained walls run between watchtowers and milestone statues of obscure gods. A cluster of basalt spires, the Fists of Geb, blocks the shortest approach, necessitating a sweeping bend, where stands the canal port. Lacustra's grandly planned curtain walls, quays, trading halls, temples and palaces rise from an artificial island in ancient ashlars of moss-streaked sandstone. Sprays of water, scented oils and flinty lamp fumes compete with the airs from the swamp. A disused causeway called Ramesses' Tread, thrown with great labor across the mud-flats, arches from the city towards the former imperial heartland.
The beys, a solely human warrior class, maintain gleaming chariots ready to rake the marshes with their arrows from the causeway, if only as far as the first break in the ancient stonework. The garrison, more dole-fed political agitators than soldiers, walk the walls and run inventories of pristine stores of alchemist's fire.
River Detachments of spearmen and archers, including dwarves, elves and insectila, trained to assault ships and shorelines from the city's war-barges, combat marsh bandits and dwarven raids and levy tolls from merchants. Vessels that refuse are dealt with summarily, the bodies of their crews displayed upon their broken spars along the banks.
Power Groups:
The Eternal Laws provide for the rights and duties of many classes, the most numerous jurists, priests, nobles, beys, clerks, merchant traders, ship-owners, foot-soldiers, artisans, boatmen, laborers, garbage-pickers, beggars, felons, foreigners and those without lawful employment.
Prince Zaid, a remote and occasionally ruthless man of obscure scholarly interests, but a dutiful follower of Osiris, his six wives and his advisers share the half-empty Nomarch's Palace.
Positions on The Tribunal circulate among old jurist, priest, noble and merchant families.
DM Secrets:
Osiris, the reborn god, remains the patron of the Prince and noble families.
Lacustra's first Nomarch (governor) dedicated the city to the goddess Isis. Her priestesses crown each Prince upon the Ibis Chair, representing one of Isis' aspects. Her temple, led by Zoraida, She of the Mysteries (LG female human cleric 11) is the second largest in the city and her congregations especially devoted.
Elves of the Tributary Lands: From a brief era of expansion, Lacustra protects a wedge of rocky tableland and dunes where the Canal meets the sea, with its chief town, Armaris. Elves fish the nearby coast and cultivate terraced pockets of wheat.
Oil gnomes: The gnomes control the trades of alchemy and perfumery. They obtain oil for lamps and cooking-burners from natural seeps deep in the marshes, in their blackened mineral-oil-smelling punts, braving (by their accounts) flame toads and other constant dangers.
Insectila: Legend has it that the ancestors of the insectila, in their devotion to Khepera, scarab-god of life and creation, chose rebirth within the eggs of a gargantuan beetle. They make up many of the working boatmen within Lacustra and the marshes. Their humanlike bodies have chitin-layered greenish-white skin, compound eyes and antennae.
INSECTILA
- -2 Charisma, +2 to player's choice of Dexterity, Intelligence or Wisdom.
- Medium size.
- +2 natural armor bonus.
- +1 racial bonus on Fortitude saves.
- Inscrutable Mind: +2 racial bonus on Will saves against enchantments, phantasms and thought detection or reading.
- Racial bonuses of +3 to Spot, +2 to Balance and +1 to Climb.
- Extra Hit Points: Any feat or class special ability that permanently increases an insectila's hit points adds an additional 2 hit points, once only.
- Automatic Languages: Common. Bonus Languages: Any (other than secret languages).
- Favored Class: Ranger.
Priesthood of Khepera: The Eternal Laws tolerate worship of the scarab-god, as he inculcates the useful values of forbearance and hard work, but restrict the cult's activities.
DM Secrets:
The dark-skinned Marsh Dwarf barbarians pilot their coracles skilfully in all kinds of channels and pools and are noted spear-fighters, worshipping the crocodile-god Sebek, forbidden within Lacustra.
Among the towering basalt plugs of the Fists of Geb, manticores and wyverns lair above and lava tubes, rumored to extend deep below the marsh, harbor nests of troglodytes.
DM Secrets:
Were-crocodiles are common in some dwarven tribes.
A dwarf clan corrupted by the troglodytes worships dire abberant powers.
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I love your 'entry', Mothman. It has a definite feel to it...a taste, even. Its like Lemony Snicket's world meets D&D- I love the medieval/industrial feel to it. You made no mention of dominant races or racial conflict. The world seems so bleak and hopeless that racial differences are trumped by misery. Love it. Cool, original situations for a DM to use immediately in a game. Unique idea without being weird or unplayable.
Thanks man. A few people have told me I should read Lemony Snicket - I guess I should pick it up!
My most immediate influences here were probably Rats and Gargoyles, Perdito Street Station, Chronicles of an Age of Darkness, and 'Necromunda'.
And yeah, you should post yours!
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Kerinnos
Lair of the Great Wyrm
I like the Adventuring section that you included. Other entries imply what adventures can be found there but you've addressed it directly.
I would have to say this is a fairly generic country beyond its unusual religion. The personality of a silver dragon might make it interesting, though - in a way, it already has, with the dragon accepting the nation's worship though it knows itself not to have divine powers. (Is Ebrein male or female, by the way?)
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I don't care much for the spoilers as DM secrets (kinda makes it hard to remember where the secret stops and the other text begins again), though if you had simply labeled them as such and not used the forum tags I thing it would have been less annoying.
Otherwise, there are definitely some good (bad) things happening in this country but I wish you were less vague in the secrets. These are the SECRETS after all, right? Don't say what it could be... tell us what it IS! If I wanted to have to the creative work myself I'd likely just make the whole thing up.
Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I think I was too vague with some of the secrets... I like to leave things up to other's individual styles, but I can see how that can be annoying. I've certainly got my ideas on these things if you want to hear them (but to describe them in my "entry" I would likely have gone over the word count).
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I should be careful how I put this: I probably wouldn't have chosen this one to submit.
Starglim, you've made good use of language and structure witht this entry - some very evocative language in fact. And what you did with the spoiler tags was the sort of effect I was aiming for, but you achieved it much more successfully than I.
Interesting approach with the Egyptian theme - I admire the approach, but I can see why you might not have wanted to go this route for a "real" entry - with various entries getting slammed somewhat for using elements of real world myth, it would have been a risk. I think there might be a little too much 'real world' in here for my taste, but I like how you really stuck with your theme - oh and I like the unifying theme of the Canal.
I also really like how you've described how various races can fit into this setitng, and given them unique roles and flavour. And including a new playable race is cool! - something I dont think any of the 32 did, but I would have liked to have seen. Some nice flavour on the Insectila too, although I'm not convinced by the name.
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I should be careful how I put this: I probably wouldn't have chosen this one to submit.Starglim, you've made good use of language and structure witht this entry - some very evocative language in fact. And what you did with the spoiler tags was the sort of effect I was aiming for, but you achieved it much more successfully than I.
Interesting approach with the Egyptian theme - I admire the approach, but I can see why you might not have wanted to go this route for a "real" entry - with various entries getting slammed somewhat for using elements of real world myth, it would have been a risk. I think there might be a little too much 'real world' in here for my taste, but I like how you really stuck with your theme - oh and I like the unifying theme of the Canal.
I also really like how you've described how various races can fit into this setitng, and given them unique roles and flavour. And including a new playable race is cool! - something I dont think any of the 32 did, but I would have liked to have seen. Some nice flavour on the Insectila too, although I'm not convinced by the name.
Thanks, I probably would have been OK with using Egyptian deities in a real entry, although my other ideas, as far as they went, assumed the D&D core pantheon. Gods have to come from somewhere, so provided I made thoughtful use of them within a clear theme (as I believe I have) I don't see a reason to disguise them. By using a known source, I can pull in extra content without spending words on description.
The insectila are basically OGL insectare, though naturally my version is better. I'll see if I have time to work up a spell write-up for the create insectila ritual, which has some aspects that people might enjoy.
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Thanks, I probably would have been OK with using Egyptian deities in a real entry, although my other ideas, as far as they went, assumed the D&D core pantheon. Gods have to come from somewhere, so provided I made thoughtful use of them within a clear theme (as I believe I have) I don't see a reason to disguise them. By using a known source, I can pull in extra content without spending words on description.
Let's see if I can clarify what I meant there. I could either invent or disguise a number of gods, which would take up space and not be all that original anyway, or just use a known source that's within the rules. A well-executed pastiche could easily have worked better for the entry than a poor invention.
Magdalana, thanks for posting your "entry"!
Thanks for your and Starglim's comments.
Those "a" and "the" are the bane of me, I always underuse them (Finnish doesn't use them so for me they will always be unfamiliar grammatic feature whose point is a bit unclear).But several people have commented over the years that I write compact text, sometimes too compact (and hard to follow). So staying under the word limits is rarely a problem.
Adding the adventuring section came from reading the criticisms for the country entries, it was something critics always discussed so maybe I should address it directly.
Some flavor came also from the "where have all the good countries gone" thread, so Kerinnos is a good country even if not necessarily nice one.
There was the theme of personality cult, going from real world examples of, say, Mao or Castro or Louis XIV (who is a good example, the way he ritualized his whole existence to be the center of France). Of course some of the worse excesses of cults like that are avoided by the fact that the personality is LG with INT 30 and WIS 31. But Ebrein is indeed somewhat uncomfortable of the deception, weight of duty is heavy but it cannot be abandoned...
Nobody (except Ebrein obviously) knows its gender, in my campaign however Ebrein is male.
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Let's see if I can clarify what I meant there. I could either invent or disguise a number of gods, which would take up space and not be all that original anyway, or just use a known source that's within the rules. A well-executed pastiche could easily have worked better for the entry than a poor invention.
Thanks, I probably would have been OK with using Egyptian deities in a real entry, although my other ideas, as far as they went, assumed the D&D core pantheon. Gods have to come from somewhere, so provided I made thoughtful use of them within a clear theme (as I believe I have) I don't see a reason to disguise them. By using a known source, I can pull in extra content without spending words on description.
Yeah, I get that, and agree with it to some extent at least. But I suggest that the approach may have taken some criticism (as others who took a similar approach did) if one of the 32.
But I agree, your theme was clear, and your use of real world deities thoughtful and appropriate within this theme.
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This is just a 2nd draft - I'd knocked together the 1st draft before I saw the requirements, and this added a few formatting and content issues I'd noticed I had when I saw other countries. Third pass would have been to edit this monstrosity down from 1850 words to a lean 1000, and to remove the one Marid reference that slips them out of folklore and into product identity.
Kaf Archipelago
Alignment: CN
Ruler: Morvarid, Malekah and Regent, mother of His Most Resplendent & August Caliph of Grandiose Merit, Wise & Clever Patron of the Glorious Tide and Wave, Master of the Straits and Currents, Beylerbey of the Nine Oceans, Mushir of the Surging Cerulean Legions, Commander of Peri, Conquest of the Div, Büyükamiral of the Unceasing Sunward Fleet, Pasha of the Guyots Chinampa, Urgol, and Tesrae, and Protector of Sstakak, the Derebey Sulztanzada Mehrzad Bey-Effendi.
Government: Maridocracy
Description: In the Ocean called Sea-Meets-Sky by its inhabitants, wild Merfolk herders guide their schools through the open waters, threatening or sinking ships that violate their ancient taboos. Sahuagin Pirates clamber over unsuspecting ship railings on moonless nights, only to discover Aquatic Elf privateers already commandeering the vessel. Meanwhile, in the twilight depths below, doughty Locathah warriors and their retiring Octopus allies hold back the horrors that dwell in the abyssal depths. Watching over all, an ancient Queen keeps her unruly subjects in line using silver tongue and iron fist in equal measure. She seeks to aggrandize her son's future domain, with her eye on the final prize of seizing the great Marid Padishate on the Elemental Plane of Water.
The "Land"
Below the cold waters of the Aschenult Ocean, a range of seamounts lies, dotted with the undersea plateau-islands known as guyots. An archipelago that never knows air, covered with forests of pale coral and tangled kelp-swamps, the Kaf is home to many peoples.
Juherabad –The City of Gems is more fortress than city. Those treasures which are not incorporated into the architecture of Shad-u-Kam, or adorning a marid or its entourage, are stored here. It contains the accumulated bounty of hundreds of years of shipwrecks and ransoms, and is said to be guarded by abyssal horrors conquered and bound to service by Malekah Morvarid herself.
Merjan– The most sacred of the Dereketoh skerries, Merjan is a bleak and windswept rock entirely uninhabited most of the year. It is here that Atargatis discovered the hidden rites that allow the merfolk to reproduce; it is here that the elders of all the tribes return to once a year to re-enact that discovery. Any fry that are born from these rites will be Tritons, and held in the highest esteem by the Dereketoh. The merfolk kill without question any who defile its barren shores, and attempt to sink any air-man vessels that pass within a hundred miles of it. Rumors among the air-men persist that ancient treasures and magical artifiacts of the Dereketoh tribes are stored here.
Sek'a - An isolated and forbidding seamount, so tall it breaches into the Air Above. The sahuagin have built a great basalt tower here, in which they imprison those surface dwellers they seek to ransom back to the kingdoms of air-men. Barely tamed scrags live in caves surrounding this isolated redoubt, and serve as an additional deterrent to those men who think they can simply swim away from Sahuagin captivity.
Shad-u-Kam - The seat of the Regent's governance, this is a city that rivals even the greatest city of the air-men. Named Pleasure and Delight in the language of the Marids, the City of Wave and Tide is a glorious, impractical conglomeration of coral, pearl, and gold, towering over the lesser palaces of the marid aghas who administer their Derebey's realm.
It is the center of trade for the Kaf, and is a city of constant celebration as each community or guyot bringing tribute to the Derebey attempts to outdo the others in ostentation and lavish homage to their queen and her beloved heir.
The People
Dereketoh (Merfolk) - Humanoid from the waist up, possessing the bodies of various fish from the waist down, the many tribes of the Dereketoh swim in the sunlit upper reaches of the Aschenult, following the schools of their totem fish. They are the least controlled of the Kaf peoples, but pay tribute to the marids in order to retain access to their sacred skerries, where the Dereketoh enact their breeding rites. Raiders and hunters, ranger is a Dereketoh's favored class.
Their chief goddess is Atargatis. Swimming forth from the primal chaos, Atargatis spent 470,000 years exploring the great earth-seas, reveling in the feel of sun on the waves, and of tides in the depths, and in the estuaries between earth and sea. But she grew lonely, and sought to make children to serve as her companions. But she was unique – the air-men with their thrashing limbs and protrusions were disgusting, but the great fish were too stupid to be good mates. She despaired, and sang to the stars, which alone are older than water, and after 20,000 years they taught her the sacred rites. Today, the oceans teem with her children, who alone are blessed with true knowledge of the stars.
Locathah - Broad-finned and slow, the Locathah live on the slopes of seamounts and on those guyots that never rise above the twilight depths of the mesopelagic zone. They are farmers, cultivating marine fungi and raising crustaceans and mollusks of the depths. Peaceful and slow to anger, they never forget a slight or a grudge once their ire is raised. Their favored class is fighter.
They worship the sea-god Ea. It was Ea who learned of Kraken's betrayal of the gods, it was Ea who led the battles that drove Kraken into the abyss, and it was Ea who died, crushed by Kraken's tentacles and pierced by Kraken's beak. The fragments of Ea's torn body settled into the rich mud of a nearby seamount, and in six turnings of the tide, had risen as the Locathah. Each carried within itself a spark of Ea, and when they die battling the Kraken's horrors, that spark joins its brothers. Someday, Ea will be reborn in his entirety, and he will rain vengeance upon Kraken and Kraken's horrors.
Octopodes - The retiring octopus is considered the youngest of the Kaf peoples, despite an oral heritage reaching back into the days of the Aboleth empires. They were the first to offer tribute to the Derebey, and are treated accordingly by the Marids. Before the conquest, they were considered mere animals by the other inhabitants of the Kaf range, and even today it is suspected by many that an octopus which disappears while traveling has ended up in a locathah's or sahuagin's stomach. Their favored class is druid, and their chief deity is the hermaphroditic Na Kika.
Na Kika raised the islands from the bottomless depths, and planted the corals so that he would have many good places to hide. She shaped the sharks and the fish from the dark mud, and he carved the clams and the snails from the rocks, so she would never go hungry. Na Kika sang the tides into being so that the waters would always be fresh and clean, and Na Kika made a bad joke called air-men to drop many interesting objects into the sea so there would be things to play with. Then Na Kika got an itch, and inadvertently stuck his copulatory arm under his mantle to scratch, and surprise! she gave birth to millions of tiny octopodes! And this is how the world was made.
Sahuagin – The shark-men are the most restless under the Pax Maridia, and the most often visited by marid emniyet and their orca. They are apex predators in what they see as a savage ocean, and they chafe even at the prosperity they enjoy thanks to not losing 70% of their males in ceaseless war with the Uacuescha. Without an obvious opportunity to overthrow their overlords, nor wishing to displease them by failing to offer tribute, the Sahuagin turn their aggression upon the air-men and their wooden treasure vaults. They have even learned from the Dereketoh that some air-men are worth even MORE treasure from other air-men. Their favored class is barbarian.
The Sahuagin venerate the goddess Imacuauh. Imacuauh is the devourer, the hunter, the slayer. She swims in the depths below, endlessly hunting Kraken. The universe was born when she tore herself open in a blood frenzy, and all that she had devoured, led by Kraken, escaped from her belly. She seeks only to take all back into her, where everything belongs.
Uacuescha (Aquatic Elves) – Bearing a superficial resemblance to one of the indistinguishable races of air-men, the Uacuescha feel the greatest burden to impress their Malekah. Not quite as clever as the Octopodes, nor quite as swift as the Dereketoh, nor even as savage as the Sahuagin or patient as the Locathah, the Uacuescha are better at being clever than everyone BUT the Octopodes, and so on. They are generalists, and favored by the Marids for dealing with unruly air-men or capturing a desired ship without too much bloodshed. Their favored class is rogue.
The Uacuescha worship the god Dagon. Dagon, alone of the sea-gods, does not come from the sea. He descended from the Sky Above, attended by his nommo. He taught the primitive Uacuescha how to cultivate kelp for food, and how to steal the secret skills of the other sea-folk. After bestowing his gifts, he returned to the Sky Above, where he watches over his favorite people. It is said that it was he who sent the marids to bring peace, because he was sickened in his heart at the savagery the Uacuescha were descending to in their war against the devilish shark-men, who are Uacuescha who blasphemed against Dagon.
Marids – Powerful magical beings from an ocean far from Sea-Meets-Sky, these genies are the absolute masters of the Kaf range. They descended upon the sea-peoples, who had known only war for generations untold, and showed incredible mastery of true war. They conquered, and they pacified, and then they left alone. They only have two laws they imposed upon their new subjects – Sea-People shall not slay Sea-People, and Worship Your Gods, but Pay Tribute to Your Masters. They encourage their subjects to raid and steal from the soft and foolish air-men, and it is said that their magics can even summon and control Kraken's spawn, hidden in the deepest abyss.
Marids worship nothing but their own magnificence.
DM Secrets:
Mehrzad resents his mother's regency, convinced that he is surely old enough to inherit what is rightfully his. He listens to voices from the abyss below, who flatter his already swollen ego, and help him to plot.
Rumors speak that the air-men called dwarfs are developing suits of armor that allow them to descend into the Kaf, and make war upon the sea-peoples. These rumors are partially true – the dwarfs do not seek to make war, but to trade on an even footing.
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This is just a 2nd draft - I'd knocked together the 1st draft before I saw the requirements, and this added a few formatting and content issues I'd noticed I had when I saw other countries. Third pass would have been to edit this monstrosity down from 1850 words to a lean 1000, and to remove the one Marid reference that slips them out of folklore and into product identity.
Kaf Archipelago
You should definitely have kept the entire Ruler entry.
Guyots, skerries, mesopelagic zones - the vocabulary and research here is brilliant. I really like the dwarves in diving suits as well.
Unlike one of the official entries, the different undersea races aren't used here as just percentages of the population but are as different from each other as gnomes, elves and orcs bound into one nation, if not more so.
Though, over-length and with three times the allowed time, it's not a fair comparison, I see potential in this that's well ahead of either of the official oceanic entries.
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The City-State of Malashkar
There's a nightmare quality to the mad out-of-control growth of the city beyond what its struggling hinterland can support. "Cancerous" is an appropriate description, I think.
There's that "mal-" syllable again.
Just noticed the {ooc} tags for game stats which is a well-considered use of the message-board format.
The secrets don't need to give the DM options or tell him that he can decide what's going on. It's your country - better either to state a definite reason or keep a few things unexplained.
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Though, over-length and with three times the allowed time, it's not a fair comparison, I see potential in this that's well ahead of either of the official oceanic entries.
Oh, no. Absolutely, it's entirely not a fair comparison. I did a quick pass before posting it here to see if I could get down to the alloted size, and good GOD, after that it was nowhere near as good as the other undersea countries. My respect for all the superstars increases every time I attempt their challenges!
Thank you for your kind words. If anything, I hope we can see a Golarion under the sea sourcebook in upcoming years.
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Here's the spell:
Create Insectila
Transmutation
Level: Clr 5, Drd 5
Components: V, S, M, DF, XP
Casting Time: 10 minutes and see below
Range: Touch
Target: One willing living humanoid
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Fortitude negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
The creature touched passes through the shell of the component beetle's egg, replacing the developing insect inside, leaving all items that it carried or wore outside the egg. After one round (in which the subject may immediately escape, if it chooses, destroying the egg and ending the spell without effect) the subject enters a state of complete suspended animation, lasting at least 30 days and then ending at noon on the next solstice or equinox, thus incubating from 1 month to just under 4 months.
At the same time that the subject enters suspended animation, any permanent magical effects upon the subject, including curses, but excluding instantaneous effects of previously cast spells, end as if mage's disjunction had been cast affecting only the subject.
During the incubation period, breaking the egg or dispelling the spell kills the subject immediately.
At the end of this time, the subject hatches from the egg and becomes an insectila.
- The subject loses any racial abilities that grant unusual forms of vision, such as darkvision or low-light vision, that grant racial bonuses to Spot checks, or that allow the subject to count as a member of a different race.
- The subject retains its other existing racial abilities and adds the racial abilities of an insectila. All of these effects stack.
- The subject loses its existing subtype of humanoid and gains the insectila subtype.
This physical change can only be altered by further permanent transformative magic, including wish or the exceptional effect of miracle, just as if the subject had been born into the insectila race.
Material Component: A viable egg of an unknown type of gargantuan beetle.
XP Cost: 600 XP.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Alright, I'll have a go.
Demeros
“An opal-hearted country, beneath a pitiless blue sky”
Ruler: Provisional Governor Hansabal Thrice-Locke (LN Male Dwarf Aristocrat 7)
Capital: Stormleigh
Alignment: CN (Tablelands), LN (Stormleigh)
Government: Kritarchy (Tablelands), Reluctant Autocracy (Stormleigh)
Demographics: Gnome 64%, Dwarf 22%, Human 10%, Others 4%
Description:
“Dad, is it true that the sun will never set on Demeros?”
“Yes son,” the leathery gnome replied, squinting into the heat haze, “because not even nature would trust bastards like us when the lights are out.”
Demeros has a vast expanse of land calling for exploration, harsh terrain full of bones, fires and droughts. The native Demer gnomes have long eked out an arduous existence in the arid soil on lonely stations. A trading colony of dwarves and humans sprawls on the coast, lured by Demeros’ natural wealth.
Thalantir Ocean:
“Don’t worry; there aren’t any sharks out there”
“Yeah,” confirmed his sardonic companion “the krakens ate them all years ago”
This vast body of sparkling water stretches to the east of Demeros. It is haunted by vicious sea-beasts that lurk in the vibrant coral reefs that parallel the coastline.
Sapphire Rampart:
Pine-clad ridges raise their torn and rugged battlements, regularly foiling the coastal storms from advancing into the country’s dry heart. They are named for the fine, blue-tinged vapour of pine-oil, which clings to the slopes during the hot, gold hush of the day.
The range is also filled with an extensive network of limestone caves, formed from eons of erosion. Deep in their bowels lurk mobs of slime-covered trolls who relish lives of dark, immortal slaughter.
Sanguine Desert
These scarlet sands engulf the western border of Demeros, and are home to degenerate tribes of frill-necked kobolds who roil in the carved vaults of a long-lost dragon empire. Rumours of an inland sea persist, despite the failure of several determined expeditions.
Demer Tablelands:
The Tablelands are a broad swathe of arid land between the Sanguine Desert and the Sapphire Rampart. The land supports a mix of sparse scrub and spindly grasses, veined with green tangles of trees that trace parched river beds. In times of flood, ushered by decade-brewed, violent thunderstorms, the plains turn into seething brown seas.
The Demer gnomish population dots the plains, their makeshift homes constructed on stilts to avoid ravening monsters, poisonous fauna and the too-rare floods. Each station sports the ubiquitous Demer Windmill twisting in the breeze, spouting water into scorched cattle-troughs.
Burrowing monsters, including the insatiable bulette, stalk the Tablelands. Bands of professional hunters, often riding hippogriffs, are hired by station owners to drive off these predators. One particularly mad rider, Clazza of the Underflow, captures and breaks Landsharks for cavalry duty.
Notable Settlements:
“You have been sentenced here for the term of your natural life. You will serve it free.”
Stormleigh (pop. 21,450): Sheltered by the headlands of Camphor Bay, this thriving trading colony is a confluence of races and creeds, propelled by an influx of convict labour.
Hansabal Thrice-Locke is an apologetic tyrant, ruling out of necessity to hold back the prevailing anarchy. His private soldiers act as the local constabulary and keep law and order as best they can. Without this security, foreign vessels would not dare the month’s dangerous journey to the port.
Thornfield (pop. 2,800): One of the rare dwarf-operated towns in the Tablelands, Thornfield is currently in the middle of a gold rush. The governor’s soldiers collect claims-taxes, which strains relations between the miners and the dwarves.
Culture:
“They have not the slightest pretension to being gentlemen or civilised. Their faces are coarse and hard bitten. The Demer manner is blatant and self assertive and their voice likewise. I am afraid I never wish to meet any more Demer. My servants too, complain that they are a rough lot.”
- Hansabal Thrice-Locke
The Demer by their larrikin nature are wry in calamity and nonchalant in triumph. For some in Stormleigh a ‘heroic defeat’ is considered a tautology; for gnomes it is an oxymoron.
Despite Stormleigh’s complaints, they are not more antagonistic than their neighbours, just more direct and brazen. Indeed, there is a curious innocence to much of their behaviour. Those that come with open minds can find hospitality and appreciation hidden beneath their brash exterior. However, they are quick to resent patronising behaviour, and the notion of class distinction or systemic authority is distasteful to them.
The favoured class of Demer gnomes is Ranger.
Feats:
Cynical Bastard [Regional]
You have had extensive contact with Demer Gnomes.
Prerequisites: Born in Demeros or 1 rank in Knowledge [Local – Demeros]
Benefit: You gain a +2 skill bonus on sense motive checks and a +2 bonus to will saves against illusions and enchantment effects.
Ramshackle Crafter [Regional]
You can make do with the most basic of materials. The results are not pretty, but they are effective.
Prerequisites: Demer Gnome
Benefit: The cost of materials for mundane and magical crafting is reduced by 50%. Your magic items are not required to be of masterwork quality before enchantment.
Special: Everything you create looks like junk. Items crafted with this feat have no resale value.
Religion:
“Why would you venerate the bastard that left us in a place like this?”
The Demer are predominantly atheist. Sermonising missionaries of the migrant races are often treated for concussion injuries.
Magic:
Arcane Demer tend towards sorcery, and are popular with their people (they can pull off the best jokes). Demer druids exist, venerating nature, rather than specific deities.
Gnomish Windmills are enchanted to compress wind to precipitate water from the atmosphere. A Windmill can create water (CL 1st) once per day.
Equipment:
The Demer, renown for their crossbows, have unique ammunition for their favoured weapons:
Caltropults: (4 gp) This ammunition disperses a 10’ square of caltrops. Range: 80’. 8lbs.
Crossbow Bolas: (6gp) This ammunition fires a small bola with an 80’ range increment.
DM Secrets:
A mysterious ship arrived a fortnight ago and began recruiting for some far-off war. They have found plenty of eager volunteers from the Demer looking for adventure.
While the desert does not hold an inland sea, it does conceal Mattisser’s Reef, a vein of gold as tall as a man.
A human outlaw named Yellek is at large, stealing cattle and ambushing soldiers. He entered his life of crime after thwarting his sister’s mistreatment by the governor’s soldiers.
The Demer farming practices, including the use of the Windmills, are the cause of the encroachment of the desert eastwards.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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I'll be honest with you, Dementrius. You probably would have made my top five. Lots of uncut gems here; I've always been a sucker for quotes establishing setting/character.
Ahhh, but I cheated! I couldn't bring myself to cut out those last 100 words to take it down from 1,100 to 1,000. It was hard enough getting rid of the Bulette-riding gnome prestige class!
Demeros....Yeah, this would have definitely been a contender for my top 5...Some of the humor verges on metagame humor, but I'm twisted enough to enjoy the jokes and references. Well done.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Demeros....Yeah, this would have definitely been a contender for my top 5...Some of the humor verges on metagame humor, but I'm twisted enough to enjoy the jokes and references. Well done.
I was particularly pleased with myself when I came up with the term "Caltropult". As a Demer would ask "Why were you flinging cats at people in the first place?"
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Alright, I'll have a go.
Demeros
Crikey! It’s Australia with gnomes.
Complete with Thornleigh, opals, a coral reef, Blue Mountains, red deserts, frill necked lizards, Clancy of the Overflow, a convict past, cynical bastards with an odd sense of humour, and Ned Kelly.
I like the quotes (they add a lot of character, and add information and atmosphere very well without a huge word-count), and the crunchy bits (the cynical bastard feat in particular I think I need to use). The windmills and weapons are a nice touch too.
I think that your influences are probably a bit too blatant for those who are aware of them – I would probably tone it down a bit, although I do like a lot of the stuff. One thing, there are some quotes that suggest the place may be (or have been) a penal colony, but other parts of the entry do not really seem to support this.
Interestingly enough, one of my country ideas was a former penal colony with a somewhat Australian twist to it…
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Alright, I'll have a go.
Demeros
Crikey! It’s Australia with gnomes.
Complete with Thornleigh, opals, a coral reef, Blue Mountains, red deserts, frill necked lizards, Clancy of the Overflow, a convict past, cynical bastards with an odd sense of humour, and Ned Kelly.
I like the quotes (they add a lot of character, and add information and atmosphere very well without a huge word-count), and the crunchy bits (the cynical bastard feat in particular I think I need to use). The windmills and weapons are a nice touch too.
I think that your influences are probably a bit too blatant for those who are aware of them – I would probably tone it down a bit, although I do like a lot of the stuff. One thing, there are some quotes that suggest the place may be (or have been) a penal colony, but other parts of the entry do not really seem to support this.
Interestingly enough, one of my country ideas was a former penal colony with a somewhat Australian twist to it…
Oh, yes it is unreservedly based (*cough* stolen *cough*) on Australian history circa 1851 - why should the Europeans have all the fun? The idea was cemented while watching an ANZAC documentary - they were a bunch of tough, funny bastards. Perfect for a +2 CON modifier and the ability to make jam tins into explosive devices.
Clancy of the Overflow was a sissy. He would have been a real legend if he could have ridden a god-damned LANDSHARK "Man from Snowy River" style off the edge of a cliff.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the desert... (start JAWS music)
I definately would have toned it down a little for the competition and changed a few names around, but it's fun to let it all hang out here with nothing to lose. At least I didn't put in "Drop Bears".
Now you've got me thinking about Tasmanian Baatezu.
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Clancy of the Overflow was a sissy. He would have been a real legend if he could have ridden a g!!-d!*ned LANDSHARK "Man from Snowy River" style off the edge of a cliff.Hah! Awesome.
And I was expecting drop bears...
Perhaps they would have made an appearance in the "3 monsters" round, along with the other Australian legendary creatures, the "Rainbow Serpent" and the "Mate That Always Offers To Shout The First Round Of Beers" (MTAOTSTFROB).
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Coming from the other side of the world, I think I would've picked up the Australia parallels. I think it would work well though on this side of the globe; the stuff isn't that well known over here; what might seem kinda like regurgitation of middle school history to you would be new and exotic over here.
I'd prefer something like this to "Mutants Down Under," i.e. a book written in the same mode of Edgar Rice Burroughs by somebody who has never actually set foot in the "obscure" region he's writing about.
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"Mate That Always Offers To Shout The First Round Of Beers" (MTAOTSTFROB).That most rare of mythical creatures. Sure, you can convince tourists of the existance of drop bears, but no-one really believes in the MTAOTSTFROB.
But even if he does exist, he's a LEGEND.
The Drop Bear entry would have read: "Use anthropomorphic Polar Bear statistics"
This is the country I would have posted, but possibly not this exact entry.
The Gnollish Gynarky
Pirate priestesses of the Crater Sea
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Capital: Biccemynster (CE, 58,000)
Major Settlements: The Bastion of Praxis (LN, 25,000), Flinder's Cove (CN, 1200), Pebblewyrm (NE, 1500), Saffrona (LG, 18,000), Tantivy City (CE, 32,000).
Demographics: Population: 22,000,000 (79% gnoll, 17% human, 4% halfling). Common monstrous creatures include worgs, vampires, ghouls, hags, lamia, and gynosphinxes.
Exports: wine, lumber, beef, pork, venison, iron, spices.
Imports: gold, silver, gunpowder, tools, weapons, armor, cloth.
Description: Prior to the Starfall, the lands of Gnollish Gynarky was a penninsula jutting out from the mainland of the Khelementine Empire. After the Starfall, the creation of the Crater Sea made the Gnollish Gynarky a large island, 2000 miles long and 300 miles across. It is primarily a subtropical forest and marsh, with the Raingnaw Mountains running along the entire length of the island. The northeast quadrant is farmland made up of fortified haciendas from the region of Ibalia that was cutoff from the mainland by the Crater Sea.
Ruler: Gynark Krokuta (female chaotic evil gnoll ranger 6/blackguard 10). She is a canny and ruthless politician, capable of sudden savagery. While not particularly inventive herself, she values new discoveries and makes extensive use of the alchemical devices being developed in the more "civilized" nations.
Government: Council of Clan Matriarchs. Several dozen clans each have a matriarch that represents them and their needs to the Gynark. Most matriarchs are literate and make use of the tin angels to communicate with the capital.
Behind the Throne: Several factions seek to gain control of the most powerful naval power remaining in the world.
The Blood Jester (male chaotic evil halfling vampire bard 15). The Blood Jester advises and entertains Gynark Krokuta. He is also a member of the Starborn Scions and manipulates the Gynark for his own fell purposes. The Starborn Scions worship the Starborn (CE, domains: Chaos, Death, Evil, Travel, Water), the mysterious entity that fell to earth 100 years ago, destroying an empire and creating an ocean. Their cult has grown tremendously in the last century, where it now rivals worship of the B*%+% in the hearts of many gnolls. The Starborn Scions are responsible for setting the bloodtoll, the blood sacrifice that is necessary to safely sail the Crater Sea. Crews of most sailing ships rebel at the thought of pouring their own blood into the sea; this has created a market for bloodwhores, folk desperate enough to risk their lives bleeding for gold. Many bloodwhores congregate at the bloodangel lairs, which act as bizarre conglomerations of temple, night club, and trading company.
Tender Aloruz Iris of the Conservancy (male lawful neutral human druid 3/rogue 5). The Tender of the Conservancy offers economic and ecological advice to the Gynark. He and his predecessors are responsible for the maintenance of the nature conserves that the gnolls hunt in. The Conservancy was also responsible for creating the accord that protects the former Ibalian humans from slavery and predation by the ruling majority of gnolls. The Tenders of the Conservancy in the Gynarky are cut off from their authorities in the Holts, and this has lead to some members of the Conservancy to take on a paranoid, fascist aspect, particularly those that worship Praxis (LN, domains: Air, Earth, Knowledge, Law, Plant, Sun, War) in the Bastion.
High Priestess Garu (female chaotic evil gnoll cleric 9/thaumaturgist 5) is the head of the church of the B@!*$ (CE, domains: Animal, Chaos, Destruction, Evil, Strength). She has seen her followers succumb to the gold and glory that the Starborn, and she seeks to rectify matters. She rules over her faithful in the huge cathedral of Biccemynster.
DM Secrets:
A secret cult called the Moonkissed believe that all gnolls are cursed werehyenas locked in their hybrid form. They are planning to sneak into the Selenaria, the infamous insane asylum of the Bastion of Praxis, and abduct the Lead Jester, the insane derro alchemist. The Lead Jester invented an alchemical device so diabolical it drew a star out of the sky. The Moonkissed want the Lead Jester to build a device to bring the moon to the earth. They believe that will lift the curse inflicted upon the gnolls. The Lead Jester's device magnified and focused a Sphere of Annihilation.
I didn't work on it earlier, but seeing this thread inspired me...
The Galldrothi Wastes
“The least desirable post in all The Empire”
Alignment: CN
Capital: Seggelli Falls (pop. 1,270)
Notable Settlements: Bratthalli Feg (pop 380), Cott’s Rest (pop 740), Kruune (pop 620)
Demographics: 36% human, 21% halfling, 19% gnome, 16% dwarf, 8% other
Geography
The Galldrothi Wastes is an immense tract of territory in the Southwestern reaches of The Holy Verrastti Empire. It consists of a sprawling network of shallow marshlands, twisting streams, unfathomably deep lakes and countless islands, in total covering nearly 55,000 square miles of plateau in the midst of the Chaktrag Mountains. The Wastes are the headwaters of the Sillvarri River, a major trade route of the Empire, though the route remains innavigable due to the multi-tiered 1,800’ waterfall from which the capital of the realm takes its name.
Government
The Wastes are largely ignored by the Empire, considered a worthless holding captured centuries ago after defeating the godless people of Kotrecht. It is nominally overseen by an assigned Regent but in practice the territory is too vast and simply not worth the effort to properly govern. Historically the office of Regent has been used as a punishment for military officers who prove inadequate, as is the case of its current holder, Tanner Hestrol [male half-elf paladin (fallen) 7 / fighter 4], who lost a critical battle two years ago in the Eastern Crusade because of a careless oversight.
Seggelli Falls
This small but well-kept farming town was founded at the base of its namesake waterfall, which provides power for its many well-used mills. It is a quiet, peaceful village on the extreme outskirts of the region, and in fact many of its inhabitants insist that they don’t live in the Wastes at all despite being the official capital of the territory. The inhabitants know that anyone sent to fill the office of Regent is either a fool or a political malcontent, and thus they place their trust in their mayor Nestra Shalleaf [female halfling rouge 3 / bard 4] and the policies set forth by Cennassi, the next nearest imperial realm. Regents reside here with responsibility only over the Galldrothi Guard, a smaller unit than even the town militia, and tend to spend the majority of their stay in the local tavern, The Shallow End.
The Wastes
The Galldrothi Wastes are a lawless mess threatened by wild things of all sorts common to mountains, lakes and bogs, including Aboleths, Chull, Grey Oozes, Ettercaps, Stirges, Tojanidas, Yrthaks, Water Nagas, and a trio of young Black Dragons. The majority of the population, called Wastrels by outsiders, lives in well-armed small tribal enclaves, interspaced with flotillas of migrant boatfolk, bandit gangs, and lunatic wanderers. The locals are a curious mix of individuals looking to avoid scrutiny from Empire forces and simple folk whose families have lived here longer than the Empire has existed. The only noteworthy religious following in the area is simply known as The Deep Faith (CN: chaos, earth, and water) an animist tradition growing among the Wastrels that resembles druidic teachings though it also pledges fealty to a nameless spirit of the land.
Bratthalli Feg
This riverside hamlet is the recently founded base of operations for an independent expedition into a newly discovered cave system beneath the watery landscape. The cavern was discovered by digging into a roughly cylindrical vertical stone structure, only to learn that it was in fact mostly hollow. Preliminary explorations have found little of value, though the cave system does seem to be infested with several varieties of never-before-seen aberrations. Similar stone features are quite common throughout the Wastes and it has been suggested that they may all be connected, possibly a constructed structure similar to an ant colony.
Cott’s Rest
One of the few island settlements in the area, Cott’s Rest is a conglomeration of six gnomish families and various other folk who have congregated around them. These six families, thoroughly interbred into a state of eerie physical similarity but producing a startlingly high number of sorcerers, maintain strictly delineations between them along maternal lines. Other villagers subsist on fishing, common trades, and securing the favor of their gnomish masters.
Kruune
The dwarves of Kruune are a copper mining colony that does not recognize the Empire’s authority over them, though it is doubtful the Empire knows or cares that they exist. Occupying a bronze-clad fortress and an orderly system of tunnels stretching into the heart of Mt. Zannastti, The colony maintains trade with the Kingdom of Treshal to the south but they certainly won’t turn away a chance to do business with anyone who wanders by.
DM Secrets
The Regent has recently begun a plan in coordination with the sorcerers of Cott’s Rest to construct a magical lock and damn system around the falls. In order to make it profitable they also need to connect it to the River Kestia, a main trade route of the Kingdom of Treshal, and the easiest access point would be to connect it though the mines of Kruune.
Mayor Shalleaf was originally one of the migrant boatfolk from the Wastes, now living well among peers that despise her kind. She maintains ties to her former life and uses her position to move people, food and weapons secretly between these different worlds.
Cott’s Rest is in fact a mispronunciation of the vanquished country Kotrecht, and the gnomes there are the descendents of the former royal family and advisors. Living in secret exile, they currently plan to stir up a war between The Empire and its southern neighbor.
The mysterious caverns are all connected, but not as a constructed colony. Rather the structure is the fossilized remains of an immense beast that crashed to earth eons ago, the impact of which gave rise to the Chaktrag Mountains. Though long dead, a spark of life has been rekindled within by the spreading Deep Faith, giving rise to the various aberrations born from the preserved flesh of The Great Thing. Deep Faith Clerics that learn this this secret gain the madness domain.
Re: Lacustra
The headline "The one with the canal" did make me smile. Several other names there were also veering on jokey but managed to come off as realistic if not exactly great names.
Indeed there are issues about basing the entry too clearly on real world culture (while it can be evocative, it can come off a bit cheap) but your "Egyptian" entry did do rather nice job. Having actual Egyptian gods (and Mephistoteles) feels a bit odd but I can see the reasoning there.
The geography section in the beginning is a bit problematic, it drops references to formations one after the another bu it is not that easy to get a whole image, how all these things are situated in reference to each other.
What exactly is the role of the Tribunal?
Insectila are interesting, there are crunchy stats and some flavor but I'd want to hear more about them.
"A dwarf clan corrupted by the troglodytes worships dire abberant powers." is sort of combination which is at the same time "huh?"-inducing and interesting...as are were-crocodile dwarves.
I think you did better work than Mothman in the way you introduced DM secrets, they were connected to relevant sections in the text but didn't break the text.
Interesting entry with good ideas but sometimes it was quite hard to make sense how it all comes together.