Imaginary 4e. multiversal retcon thread


4th Edition

Liberty's Edge

Apologies if this one belongs in off-topic, but...

My idea is
Sigil is renamed the city of windows from the city of doors. The dabu's all have a cosmic freakout; they unilaterally refuse to do windows. This leads to much consternation on the part of the Lady of Pain; due to her inability to communicate effectively because of her total mysteriousness and all that, her call across the multiverse for adventurers who offer window cleaning becomes an impossible task.
This is resolved by a resourceful and somewhat mercenary corporate raider of a Yugoloth who, noticing that the succubi are now devils, and the erinyes have lost their jobs in hell due to recent downsizing and corporate reorganizing to take advantage of cheap succubus labor, has taken it upon himself to relocate the erinyes to Sigil and get them jobs as window cleaners. Their ability to fly makes them highly successful at this endeavor. It's a win-win, and the yugoloth is pleased at the irony of his person actually profiting from doing some good in the universe for a change.
The gargoyles of Sigil, however, get rather upset. They figure they've been there for ever, and hell-they got wings, so they should get the first crack at any and all labor contracts. So, like, there's plenty of intrigue and all that going on in Sigil for adventurers to get involved wit'.


Heathansson wrote:

Apologies if this one belongs in off-topic, but...

My idea is
Sigil is renamed the city of windows from the city of doors. The dabu's all have a cosmic freakout; they unilaterally refuse to do windows. This leads to much consternation on the part of the Lady of Pain; due to her inability to communicate effectively because of her total mysteriousness and all that, her call across the multiverse for adventurers who offer window cleaning becomes an impossible task.
This is resolved by a resourceful and somewhat mercenary corporate raider of a Yugoloth who, noticing that the succubi are now devils, and the erinyes have lost their jobs in hell due to recent downsizing and corporate reorganizing to take advantage of cheap succubus labor, has taken it upon himself to relocate the erinyes to Sigil and get them jobs as window cleaners. Their ability to fly makes them highly successful at this endeavor. It's a win-win, and the yugoloth is pleased at the irony of his person actually profiting from doing some good in the universe for a change.
The gargoyles of Sigil, however, get rather upset. They figure they've been there for ever, and hell-they got wings, so they should get the first crack at any and all labor contracts. So, like, there's plenty of intrigue and all that going on in Sigil for adventurers to get involved wit'.

Hm . . . I like it. Should have thought of this idea for my 4th edition Campaign Classics thread . . .

Wait, this can't be 4th edition, because you didn't mention exploding panes of glass, tightrope walking, and at least a flight of erinyes and gargoyles attacking at one time.


Forwarding to Bill Gates.


Meenlocks are now grimlocks and oozes can be any color except(gray) grey.


Yay for fuchsia oozes!


Tobus Neth wrote:
Meenlocks are now grimlocks

Meenlocks, grimlocks, and morlocks are now part of the same race, of course, because they all have "-lock" in the name.

Scarab Sages

The Abyssal Lord formerly known as Prince Grazz't, having been kicked out of the ranks of demons because he looks too human, can now be found in an alley of Sigil. He is filthy, reeks of booze, and carries as sign that reads,

"Will plan multiverse-spanning evil for food."

These days he only goes by the symbol ~


T.A.L.F.K.A.G.

Liberty's Edge

CourtFool wrote:
T.A.L.F.K.A.G.

que?


Heathansson wrote:
CourtFool wrote:
T.A.L.F.K.A.G.
que?

The Abyssal Lord Formerly Known As Grazz't


The Abyssal Lord Formerly Known As Graz'zt


djammit, you beat me

Liberty's Edge

"I knew a girl named Iggwilv, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend..."

Liberty's Edge

Iggwilv is no longer in 4E – she died of shame after realising all those errors she made in her seminal work, the Demonomicon, and that she had been made a fool of for the past thirty years or so. (“Malcanthet? Succubi? What was I thinking?? And Graz’zt? How could you!? You told me you were a demon just to get me into bed, didn’t you?!”)


Juiblex the Faceless Lord now has a face, he kinda looks like the pilsbury dough boy yet with more eyes and he's transparent green and Lawful Good and taste like green apple candy.


Demon Lords and Arch-devils will go through racial transmogrifications 'cause all the 'kewl new goodies' are in the standard races' benefits as compared to thier not-so-kewl complete lack of racial benefits.

Celestials will once again be hunted to near-extinction for thier (literally) heavenly down bedding material. (Also excellent for stuffing pillows!)

Undead will be feared more than dragons and the combined population of the Lower Plane(s) - especially since Undead will swarm you under in droves, gibbering about " mini's " and " tiles " while rendering your small army of hangers-on, henchmooks, hirelings and peons - even your cohort/loyal drinking buddy - into spawn faster than you can implement an immediate action.

Magic items will most often resemble a spork - the universal tool, which completes the Item Set along with a big knife, a crowbar, a sledgehammer and a shovel.

Trail rations will come in small metal canisters with a twist-off lid. Salt and water sold seperately.

Core races will be sublet into multiple distinct races that cover small clumps of formally seperated sub-races ... oh wait, they're planning that already. My bad. Although they will not publish point/counterpoint playable races in the same book ... drat, they're planning that already too.


Turin the Mad wrote:
Demon Lords and Arch-devils will go through racial transmogrifications 'cause all the 'kewl new goodies' are in the standard races' benefits as compared to thier not-so-kewl complete lack of racial benefits.

I can't wait to play a 3rd Level Abyssal Demon-Lord/Tiefling Warlock! New Edition GO GO GO!


Heathansson wrote:
"I knew a girl named Iggwilv, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend..."

"Purple Worm, Purple Worm..."

"Let's go chaotic neutral... Let's get nuts!!"
"Gonna party if 4.0 is only $19.99!!"

Dark Archive

swirler wrote:
Heathansson wrote:
"I knew a girl named Iggwilv, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend..."

"Purple Worm, Purple Worm..."

"Let's go chaotic neutral... Let's get nuts!!"
"Gonna party if 4.0 is only $19.99!!"

"I ... would ... roll a die for you..."

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber
Mothman wrote:
Iggwilv is no longer in 4E – she died of shame after realising all those errors she made in her seminal work, the Demonomicon, and that she had been made a fool of for the past thirty years or so. (“Malcanthet? Succubi? What was I thinking?? And Graz’zt? How could you!? You told me you were a demon just to get me into bed, didn’t you?!”)

Actually, to find out what Malcanthet has been up, all you need is

utube Follow the series it gets better (and worse).


Reckless wrote:

Actually, to find out what Malcanthet has been up, all you need is

utube Follow the series it gets better (and worse).

Holy cow thanks for posting that!

funny yes, but turns out, I used to hang out with one of the creative people behind it and some of the actors.
weird small world


swirler wrote:
Reckless wrote:

Actually, to find out what Malcanthet has been up, all you need is

utube Follow the series it gets better (and worse).

Holy cow thanks for posting that!

funny yes, but turns out, I used to hang out with one of the creative people behind it and some of the actors.
weird small world

Rawr. Too bad she's like, almost jailbait ...


I blame Vecna. He's the one who's created all the rule changes since 3.0.

Bleh, bleh "I have to escape Ravenloft and become a god by entering Sigil..."

Thanks buddy.


yeah, Vecna, that handless, one eyed freak
Vecna probably never got picked for sprts teams

Scarab Sages

swirler wrote:

yeah, Vecna, that handless, one eyed freak

Vecna probably never got picked for sprts teams

Not to mention that all the martial-types probably kept giving him wedgies and shoving him in lockers...


Aberzombie wrote:
swirler wrote:

yeah, Vecna, that handless, one eyed freak

Vecna probably never got picked for sprts teams
Not to mention that all the martial-types probably kept giving him wedgies and shoving him in lockers...

Yeah but You just know that whenever there was a test, everyone sucked up to Vecna hoping to get a cheat-sheet. Why I bet Vecna even knows what the appendix and tonsils are for! (Near as I can tell, his only take up magic item slots without actually providing any benefits. Er, at least I hope those were his tonsils...)

*twitch*

Scarab Sages

Laithoron wrote:

Er, at least I hope those were his tonsils...)

*twitch*

I couldn't actually laugh out loud, since I'm at work right now (Shhh!). I did laugh silently, however.


hmm
yeah you never hear about the gallbladder of vecna
eww
or the "taint" of Veccna
rofl

Liberty's Edge

swirler wrote:

hmm

yeah you never hear about the gallbladder of vecna
eww
or the "taint" of Veccna
rofl

The gallbladder could be full of gallstones--ioun gallstones.

Cholecystic doom, byoch!

Liberty's Edge

Iffin I was writing 4e., I'd make a core race out of some little penguin people.


Heathansson wrote:
Iffin I was writing 4e., I'd make a core race out of some little penguin people.

Dowhar rule!

Liberty's Edge

KnightErrantJR wrote:
Heathansson wrote:
Iffin I was writing 4e., I'd make a core race out of some little penguin people.
Dowhar rule!

What are those? (PYOW--off to wiki dowhar...)


Heathansson wrote:
Iffin I was writing 4e., I'd make a core race out of some little penguin people.

Those'll be the 4e iconic hobbits .. er, "halflings". Beer-seeking wanderers, never satisfied with most brews, always psychotic when they come across "swill"...

Liberty's Edge

Turin the Mad wrote:
Heathansson wrote:
Iffin I was writing 4e., I'd make a core race out of some little penguin people.
Those'll be the 4e iconic hobbits .. er, "halflings". Beer-seeking wanderers, never satisfied with most brews, always psychotic when they come across "swill"...

Yeah? good. Well, then instead of half orcs, I was thinking orangutangumen, that brachiated, and they're in lieu of half orcs okay.

ANIMAL HEADS FOR THE WIN!

Liberty's Edge

And the orangutangumen are a-1 157% ANTI-ninja.


Heathansson wrote:

Well, then instead of half orcs, I was thinking orangutangumen, that brachiated, and they're in lieu of half orcs okay.

ANIMAL HEADS FOR THE WIN!

To continue my Masters of the Universe theme tonight . . . its Beastman's people! (Did his species have a name?)

Liberty's Edge

KnightErrantJR wrote:
Heathansson wrote:

Well, then instead of half orcs, I was thinking orangutangumen, that brachiated, and they're in lieu of half orcs okay.

ANIMAL HEADS FOR THE WIN!

To continue my Masters of the Universe theme tonight . . . its Beastman's people! (Did his species have a name?)

You sent me to Wiki twice yesterday--that's no mean feat.


I'll have to add that to my spell like abilities.

Liberty's Edge

...heh....heh....I coulda got a claw-claw-bite and a rend in on this party of intrepids skulking about in my demesne, but....oddly, I was compelled to look up the population of Latvia on Wiki.

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