RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32
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I might have got lost down there had I not brought my trusty bushwacker. Carved up the area to look like a proper topiary of a bearded clam I did. I'm like the Edward Scissorhands of porn cuts really. Come see me at Astor Palace in NYC, I'll give you a freebie. Whaddya want? The Mr. T? The Li'l Hitler? Heart-shaped and dyed red to surprise your wife on Valentines Day? I'm working on one now called the Captain Sparrow... ARRguably the hottest look to come along in ages (if you don't mind me weaving beads and feathers into the braids, that is)
Yet another thread horribly corrupted by pubic topiary references brought to you by the messageboards at Paizo. :)
on a side note, I recall hearing somewhere that George W. did play d&d in college
Last time I checked, they gave him his sheepskin before D&D was a published game. Anyway, the witnesses have been disappeared so as not to lose the Jack Chick vote.
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on a side note, I recall hearing somewhere that George W. did play d&d in collegeLast time I checked, they gave him his sheepskin before D&D was a published game. Anyway, the witnesses have been disappeared so as not to lose the Jack Chick vote.
What cracks me up is that Skull and Bones secret society crap doesn't set off any bells and whizzers with the Jack Chick set, but dang near everything else there is, from freemasonry to dungeons and dragons to mormonism, is hardcore satanic cult indoctrination.
Everybody repainting AirForce one and such have neglected the awesome airbrush classic of the Frank Frazetta inspired barbarian, holding his scimitar aloft whilst a scantily clad barbarian lady grasps his leg, staring longingly at his loincloth. If this were 1976 and I had a van...okay, let's be honest, if I had a van PERIOD that's totally what I would airbrush on the side. Get the Zep playing, the shag carpeting, the strobe: makeout city. I would call it "The Second Base Mobile".
Where's your swagger, dude? Even if you never made it past first base, ya still gotta call it the homerun mobile!
Everybody repainting AirForce one and such have neglected the awesome airbrush classic of the Frank Frazetta inspired barbarian, holding his scimitar aloft whilst a scantily clad barbarian lady grasps his leg, staring longingly at his loincloth. If this were 1976 and I had a van...okay, let's be honest, if I had a van PERIOD that's totally what I would airbrush on the side. Get the Zep playing, the shag carpeting, the strobe: makeout city. I would call it "The Second Base Mobile".Where's your swagger, dude? Even if you never made it past first base, ya still gotta call it the homerun mobile!
Ah, my first bike...
I might have got lost down there had I not brought my trusty bushwacker. Carved up the area to look like a proper topiary of a bearded clam I did. I'm like the Edward Scissorhands of porn cuts really. Come see me at Astor Palace in NYC, I'll give you a freebie. Whaddya want? The Mr. T? The Li'l Hitler? Heart-shaped and dyed red to surprise your wife on Valentines Day? I'm working on one now called the Captain Sparrow... ARRguably the hottest look to come along in ages (if you don't mind me weaving beads and feathers into the braids, that is)I remember reading about your exploits in Penthouse Forum.
Something about Mother Nature and her "shambling mound".
I've always been a fan of the "Death of a Matador" cut. Macho, like a Hemmingway, but tragic at the same time. Or the "Portrait of a Guy Looking Concerned" if somebody asks why the guy looks upset, you just say your genitals owe money to the mob. Classic!
I've always been a fan of the "Death of a Matador" cut. Macho, like a Hemmingway, but tragic at the same time. Or the "Portrait of a Guy Looking Concerned" if somebody asks why the guy looks upset, you just say your genitals owe money to the mob. Classic!
Always happy to serve the fine art community. A few years back I lost a Parson's kid trying to administer A Sunday on the Isle of La Grande Jatte by Seurat. We still keep a candle lit for that poor bleeder. Pointiism hasn't been a hot seller since the tragedy.
Yet another thread horribly corrupted by pubic topiary references brought to you by the messageboards at Paizo. :)
I aim to sleaze. ;)
I nominate Cosmo for best 10 award...further entries still accepted
What cracks me up is that Skull and Bones secret society crap doesn't set off any bells and whizzers with the Jack Chick set, but dang near everything else there is, from freemasonry to dungeons and dragons to mormonism, is hardcore satanic cult indoctrination.on a side note, I recall hearing somewhere that George W. did play d&d in collegeLast time I checked, they gave him his sheepskin before D&D was a published game. Anyway, the witnesses have been disappeared so as not to lose the Jack Chick vote.
Hey, it's all about the public's incredible ability to sustain enormous amounts of cognitive dissonance without becoming terminally cynical. I think the whole thing's about to blow up soon, though--the Jack Chick set can turn a blind eye to corruption and influence peddling, but not to people covering up for pedophiles.
Apologies to F2K for letting this thread drift into political commentary.
10. Prez launches a new national educational initiative, requiring mathematics and computer science curriculum to include extensive training for students at all levels in solid geometry, probability, and architectural design. "We must keep ahead of the Chinese in the critical economic sector of game design," he says, "and these technical skills are the key."
9. National education initiative also includes requirements for English, history, and geography. "Test results show our students consistently cannot identify the literary significance of such great authors as Leiber, Vance, and Howard. They have no idea what the Invoked Devastation was. And they can't even find Greyhawk on the map with both hands. My program aims to eliminate this gross cultural illiteracy."
8. In violation of WTO agreements, the president announces subsidies to ensure the continued financial viability of our nation's key gaming enterprises, such as Paizo, Wizards, Green Ronin, and Malhavoc Press. "These companies are a critical part of our gaming infrastructure, and we cannot afford to let them fail," he says in his speech.
7. The SCA becomes a prominent lobby in Washington, exceeding even the NRA in its influence.
6. White House hosts a gnarly dungeon-style haunted house at Halloween every year as a charity event, raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for schools in the DC area. The event is very popular but shocks some conservative observers and animal rights activists. Jack Chick says "The succubi in chainmail bikinis are proof that the White House is running a satanic cult to corrupt the youth of this country." PETA representatives accuse the White House of cruelty to the hundreds of thousands of earthworms genetically altered to glow green for the "Tabernacle of Worms" room.
5. Archery and fencing replace baseball and football as our national sports.
4. No one suspects anything when a huge black pearl is installed as the decorative centerpiece in the lobby of the new Homeland Security building . . .
3. FAA mandates "detect evil" devices installed at airports across the country to beef up anti-terrorism security.
2. Disney corporation announces creation of a "Castle Greyhawk" theme park in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. (It is later discovered that this is a scam to tap into the "National Gaming Infrastructure Security Subsidies").
1. Gary Gygax's original campaign and game-design notebooks are enshrined in the Smithsonian Museum. "These are valuable treasures comparable with the original copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution," the director of the museum notes.
10.The califonia coast line will be known as the "savage Coast"
9.Alaska will be known as "cania"
8.Cheyenne Mountain will be known as "under mountain"
7.Each region of the US has its own
"game World"(ravenloft/greyhawk/forgtten realms/and so on...)
6.Air force one would be called "Spelljammer"
5.civillians must wear tunics/rags
4.all feudal forms of currency will be renstated
(ie.1/100=CP-10/100=SV-100/100=GP-1000/100=PT)
3.cars will now be pulled by the # of horses = to there Horse power
2.the presidents wife will be know as the "valsharess"
1.technologly is either outlawed or worshiped
(like the "back in the day" style of DnD)
I know this all sucks but hey,thats just the first year of presidentsey!
If a gamer became President
All would be right in the Universe. Till Underverse come.
Man, it'd never work. He'd start a nuclear holocaust in the mistaken impression he could just call it a "TPK" and start a new campaign afterwards. Real life, alas, also fails to use the Action Points variant.
2) Federal funding for NPR and PBS would be at an all-time high, with Nova, American Experience, and BBC imports getting a good cash injection. The FCC would MANDATE that Mystery Science Theater 3000 return to Comedy Central.
I second all of this...though Adult Swim would get a piece of that pie.
And TV's Frank would be reincarnated!
The only Boyle nobody would mind having. (May he R.I.P.)
7. USMC White House Guards would wear armor along with their swords....actually, USMC personnel who served on ships in the late 18th century and the early 19th century did wear leather armor on their chests and necks as protection against sword slashes....from which the USMC acquired the nickname of "Leathernecks"
The First Pet: Dogmeat.
1. The Pope would be visiting the White House and see President Lincoln's ghost. It makes its final appearance right before the Pope turns it.
2. The weapons of mass destruction would finally be located through locate object spell.
3. Each country would be assigned a level in order to determine its military power and overall capability.
4. The World's Largest Dungeon would be built under the sands of the middle east.
5. Many terrorists would lose their jobs because everyday citizens have access to fly spell and flying carpets.
6. The CIA would be disolved and the American Government would have a secret organization known as the Scarlet Brotherhood.
7. The President would get advice on all political matters from former Presidents via Speak with Dead.
8. WOTC Game day would become a holiday recegnized throughout the world. All government offices, schools, banks and other place of employment would shut down in order to game.
9. Nuclear weapons would be revised in order to allow a saving throw.
10. The guiliten would once again become the most recognized form of capital punishment.
Battletech pod centers would make a resurgance. (Just make sure they're running MechWarriorIII - cause that was AWESOMENESS defined.)
Fixed.
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2) The UK has Tolkien!!!! Aaaaargh! Smaug in charge at the Bank of England! Oh well. At least with a dragon sitting on top of a huge mound of gold there would be assets there, even if bankers not being able to do anything at all with them might be problematic for them. And banking chiefs would suddenly find it advisable not to look quite so plump and well fed.
Yes but you also have Harry Potter.
...The UK has Tolkien!!!! Aaaaargh! Smaug in charge at the Bank of England! Oh well. At least with a dragon sitting on top of a huge mound of gold there would be assets there, even if bankers not being able to do anything at all with them might be problematic for them. And banking chiefs would suddenly find it advisable not to look quite so plump and well fed.
Lofwyr would kick Smaug's arse.
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RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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10. Jack Chick joins Westboro Baptist Church in protest.
9. Terrorists are classified according to CR.
8. One additional justice is added to the Supreme Court, which is subsequently renamed the "Circle of Eight." If your DM makes a ruling you don't like, you can appeal.
7. Like "corporate lawyer" and "real estate lawyer," "rules lawyer" becomes a viable specialization for an attorney.
6. Andoran faction wins PFS forever. FREEDOM!!!!
5. Constitutional Amendment XXVIII is passed, protecting gamers and geeks of all kinds from discrimination in the workplace. And dating.
4. The First Lady's fashion style brings dice bags hanging from the belt back into vogue.
3. Reroll of leaners becomes Federal law.
2. Secret Service investigates allegations of encumbrance fraud.
1. CHA is no longer a dump stat.
I'm Jack Chick, and I'm deeply troubled by the implications of this thread.
The Li'l Hitler?
SCORE!!!! And what a score it is!
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How embarrassing. :(Fixed for you.8. One additional justice is subtracted to the Supreme Court, which is subsequently renamed the "Circle of Eight." If your DM makes a ruling you don't like, you can appeal.
Nah, don't worry about it. I just remember the palindrome: "Do nine men interpret? Nine men, I nod."
The First Pet: Dogmeat.
You know, I get that reference. That's good.
1) Federal funding of research into alternative energy reaches an all time high, when asked the reason for the increased spending the president responded “Well I can’t power a Gundam with gasoline now can I? That would be stupid.”
2) Washington Monument receives a new black paint job, and renamed Orthanc.
3) Gary Gygax’s birthday declared national holiday.
4) State of the Union given at Gen con
5) Oval office renamed “The Dragon’s Lair”
6) When putting forward unpopular policies the President explains that it’s a ‘DM Ruling’
7) Air Force one renamed ‘The Millennium Falcon’, The President says “Punch it Chewie!” at every take off.
8) President pulls strings, Bruce Campbell named man of the year.
9) In addition to Fire and Earthquake drills all Public Schools now have Zombie Attack drills on a regular basis.
10) All RPG publishers given same tax exempt status as religious institutions.
1) Federal funding of research into alternative energy reaches an all time high, when asked the reason for the increased spending the president responded “Well I can’t power a Gundam with gasoline now can I? That would be stupid.”
Stolen for when I take office. Just plain STOLEN. I want my RX-78. NOW!
...The UK has Tolkien!!!! Aaaaargh! Smaug in charge at the Bank of England! Oh well. At least with a dragon sitting on top of a huge mound of gold there would be assets there, even if bankers not being able to do anything at all with them might be problematic for them. And banking chiefs would suddenly find it advisable not to look quite so plump and well fed.Lofwyr would kick Smaug's arse.
+1.
1) Peter Mandelsen, the business secretary, is discovered to be Asmodeus in disguise. Oddly enough, this makes Britain the...
Now this I can believe.
