A while back I had a query mature into an article request! Happy day, I found the process of putting together the arcticle helped a lot with my understanding of the game, and I enjoyed doing the writing. However, the article itself was rejected. I am okay with that. I may repackage it later, I like some of the spell concepts. Wes has been very cool about feedback on some other stuff I submitted, but as there are a number of aspiring writers out there and this submission is dead I thought it might be fun to ask the board to dissect the submission.
I am trying to hone my game writing so all input is appreciated. And I have reasonably thick skin so feel free to open up.
Thanks in advance.
Note: I was toying with increased casting time as a balancing factor for spell potency and level.
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Spell casters have for millennia seen the advantage of manipulating the terrain and turning it against their foes. The Lich King Amryn Sul was and is one of the foremost arcanists to cultivate this type of battlefield spellcasting. Over the span of many centuries Sul has filled whole libraries with his vast collection of mystic texts. Sul's accumulated manuscripts include all manner of arcane lore, including spell books, tablets, and scrolls that detail a number of unique and exotic spells.
Six decades ago a lone rogue, Khyraphel Darkwine, found his way into one of Amryn Sul's research libraries and was able to steal spell books and scrolls containing many of the Lich King's more unusual spells. When the theft was discovered Amryn Sul was not amused. What followed, is a cautionary tale still told to frighten thieves who dare too much. Sul unleashed his darkest servants and scoured the land to find the thief. Ultimately, Khyraphel's identity was discovered. Sul's armies razed Khyraphel's village, the destruction meted out was so complete that to this day the land around the village is blighted, no crops will grow, and all of the wells and springs are tainted. Kyraphel's village however was not enough to slake the undead tyrant's need for retribution. Sul's inquisition rooted out and butchered Kyraphel's friends, family, and associates (along with scores of others who simply had the bad fortune to be in the way). The agents of the Lich King gave special attention to those in the criminal underground who had done business with Khyraphel. Their fate was worse than death. Khyraphel himself was not slain, but rather twisted, cursed, and bound to serve the Lich King eternally as an undead slave.
In spite of the efforts of Sul and his agents, one of the missing manuscripts was never recovered, the Codex of Poisoned Earth. It is rumored that the Codex of Poisoned Earth is concealed in a nondescript leather bound tome like any beginner's spell book and that this is in part why it remains undiscovered. Nothing could be further from the truth. The spells listed below were some of Sul's favorites, and he preserved them by incorporating their texts and diagrams in a medium for more enduring and dramatic than ink on paper. Using wizardry, Sul literally wove the text and descriptions of his favorite spells into a collection of exquisite tapestries. These tapestries are enchanted so that the scenes they depict appear to shift and move. If the full collection were assembled and laid out side to side these tapestries would tell the story of the siege of Kanli (the conflict that led to Amryn Sul's rise to power). The illusion plus the objects' obvious value as art do more to conceal the true value of the tapestries than any lock or code. It is unlikely Khyraphel was even aware he had stolen more in the tapestries than costly and exotic wall decorations. In order to notice that the illusion in the tapestries does more than merely enhance their beauty requires a knowledge arcana check (DC 30). Once discovered, reading the concealed spell requires the use of a Dispel Magic spell (or some other method to pierce the illusion) and a Read Magic spell to unravel the writing hidden in the weave. The tapestries themselves are valued at 4000 gp. each purely as art objects. Each tapestry is a rectangle 10 feet wide by 15 feet high and weighs approximately 100 lbs.
Bloodfield
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 6
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 3 Actions
Range: Medium (25 ft. + 5 ft./level)
Area: A square with sides equal to 5 ft./caster level
Duration: 1 turn/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No
When cast Bloodfield places a powerful enchantment on the ground transforming a square with sides of 5 ft./caster level into a minefield. Any creature size small or larger within the area of effect has a 20% chance per round of discharging a magical burst. Each blast affects a 5 ft. radius for every 5 caster levels, these bursts do 1d6 of fire damage for every three caster levels (reflex save for half damage). Discharging a blast does not reduce the duration of the spell nor does it make that square safe for those that follow after, any individual square can be discharged multiple times. The material component for Bloodfield is a small bronze bowl filled with ash and oil.
Field of the Archmage
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 turn (see below)
Range: Long (400 +40 ft./level)
Area: A circle with a radius of 20 ft./level
Duration: 1 turn/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: Yes
The great Lich Amryn Sul created a number of spells to cover the movements of his armies and hamper the actions of his enemies. One of the best known and most potent of these spells is Field of the Archmage. Field of the Archmage is a more sinister variant of Magefield. Once cast any creature size small or larger within the area of effect has a 30% chance each round of triggering the field and being attacked. Once a creature is attacked, attacks continue at a rate of one per round until they are able to exit the area. These attacks take the form of spectral hands (or if the caster wishes it: tentacles, vines, roots, talons, swarms of bugs, etc.) that rise from the earth and strike at the creature that triggered the field. Every creature moving across the area of effect rolls independently to determine if they trigger the spells attack effect. The exception to this is if one creature attempts to help another being attacked by the spell. Helping another automatically stimulates the spell to attack the creature tying to provide assistance. Each attack from the Field of the Archmage has all of the following effects:
„X Make a successful will save or attempt flee as though affected by a Fear spell.
„X One melee attack at a BAB equal to the caster's level doing 1d12 of claw damage.
„X Make a successful fortitude save (DC 25) or suffer 1 point of temporary strength damage.
„X Make a successful fortitude save (DC 25) or have movement reduced by 5. A subsequent saving throw is required each round the affected creature is within the spells area of effect. These reductions are cumulative until the affected creature is held in place.
The material component for Field of the Archmage is a small gold bowl filled with ash, crushed bone, oil, and blood (100 gp). This component requires 8 hours of preparation time and cannot be more than 3 days old at the time of casting. Casting consumes the components.
Field of the Damned
Necromancy
Level: Sor/Wiz 9
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Hour
Area: A radius of 1 mile centered on the caster
Duration: 1 hour/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No
Originally created by Amryn Sul as a final defense for his palace in the event of a siege, Field of the Damned became known as Sul's signature (and most feared) spell. When cast, all creatures slain inside the area of effect within the last week rise two rounds later as zombies (with hit dice appropriate to their size and equipped with whatever gear is still on corpse) under the control of the spell caster. Similarly, any creature that dies within the area of effect rises as a zombie in the service of the caster in 1d4 rounds. As long as they remain within the area of effect of the spell, zombies animated by this Field of the Damned regenerate at a rate of 2 hit points per round (unless completely destroyed by fire, acid, or disintegration). Zombies remain animated for the duration of the spell (even if they are ordered to press the attack outside of the area of effect) after which they fall to the ground lifeless. Undead animated by Field of the Damned cannot be turned, rebuked or controlled by clerics paladins, extraplanar creatures, etc. though they can be destroyed.
[Begin sidebar] Sul was known for arming then slaying peasants and seeding his courtyards with the corpses to take full advantage of this spell.
Few people who challenged Sul and faced this spell knew of its consequences to the caster. This is because Sul was loath to cast Field of the Damned from memory. He would scribe it onto scrolls and pay the price at his convenience during creation of the scroll rather than in the heat of battle. [End sidebar]
Any creature animated by Field of the Damned retains a dark taint that makes them particularly difficult to raise or resurrect. Prior to being raised or resurrected the creature must first be washed (using holy or unholy water of the priest performing the spell) and must receive a Restoration spell (though this Restoration has no effect save to purify the body for revivification).
In order to cast Field of the Damned the wizard must prepare a special elixir using his own blood and several rare ingredients at a total cost of 10,000 gold pieces, 1000 experience points, and requiring 5 days to create, further the caster must possess the Craft Wondrous Items feat to create to material components. This elixir is consumed in the casting. While Field of the Damned is active the caster can act normally, fighting, casting, etc. However, after the duration of the spell expires the caster sleeps in a coma-like trance for a week. During this period the caster cannot be woken by any means including a Wish, and is correspondingly vulnerable. When the caster wakes he is greatly weakened, temporarily 5 wizard levels lower than when he initiated the casting. These levels return at a rate of 1 per day until the caster is fully recovered.
Field of Thorns
Evocation
Level: Brd 1, Clr 1 (War, Protection), Pal 2, Rgr 2, Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Medium 100 ft. +10 ft./level
Area: One 20 ft. by 20 ft. square/level
Duration: 1 turn/level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No
The caster throws a caltrop on the ground where it doubles and doubles again until the area of effect is completely covered. For every 5 feet of movement through an affected area a creature has a 50% chance of stepping on a caltrop. These caltrops are considered +1 magical weapons for the purpose of overcoming damage resistance, and do 1d3 instead of 1 point of damage, otherwise they hamper movement (moving at one quarter normal speed allows creatures to avoid damage) and are as their non-magical counterparts for the duration of the spell. The material component is a normal caltrop.
Magefield
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 8
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 10 minutes
Range: Medium 25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels
Area: A square with sides equal to 5 ft./level
Duration: 1d4 days/caster level
Saving Throw: No
Spell Resistance: No
This spell places a powerful enchantment on the ground turning a square of earth (with sides 5 feet per caster level) into a minefield. Any creature size small or larger within the area of effect has a 20% chance per round of discharging a magical burst. Each blast affects a 5 ft. radius for every five caster levels, these bursts do 1d6 of force damage (like magic missile) for every three caster levels (reflex save for half damage). Once cast Magefield remains in effect for 1d4 days per caster level.
[Begin sidebar] It is said the Mage Klys Rho Thane protects his inner courtyard with fields layered with multiple castings of the Magefield (cast by his lieutenants as well as himself) acting in conjunction. This layered effect means that in each round of movement through the area of effect there are multiple chances to trigger a burst. [End sidebar]
The material component for Magefield is a small gold bowl filled with ash, oil, and blood (50 gp), the casting consumes the components.
Tripwire
Evocation
Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area of Effect: See Below
Duration: 1 hour/level
Saving Throw: Yes
Spell Resistance: No
When cast Tripwire creates a wall of energy. For each caster level the caster creates a wall of energy squares 5 ft. wide by 5 ft. high. These individual walls can be strung together in a line or organized into a variety of more complicated shapes. However the wall can only be organized in two dimensions, length and height, Tripwire cannot be cast horizontally to cover a field, and there can be no gaps in the barrier. Any creature of small size or larger that comes into contact with a square of energy causes the spell to discharge. This discharge causes a violent eruption of magical energy. This eruption of energy does 1d6/3 caster levels (maximum of 5d6) to all creatures within 10 ft. plus 2 ft. per caster level (reflex save for half damage). In addition, the caster is immediately aware that the spell has been discharged.
The energy can be of any type however each type of energy is a different spell. Thus there is a Lightning Tripwire, a Flame Tripwire, a Sonic Tripwire, etc.
I commented about this in the other thread where you posted the spells, but I'll add it here, too:
The material component for Bloodfield is a small bronze bowl filled with ash and oil.
Keep in mind that a material component is completely used up when a spell is cast. That means the small bronze bowl goes *poof* and the caster will need to find a new one for the next time. This isn't a huge deal, since your bowl has no listed GP value.
You can alter this by making the bowl a focus, and leaving the ash and oil as material components.
I liked the spells; I didn't, however, read over things carefully. I'll see if I can give it a detailed reading later on.
Not to be an ass or anything, but I must say that most editors would use the apostrophe correctly.
To be an ass?
:P :P :P
Precisely. I was just going to post the same thing about the apostrophe. ;)
--Erik
Great minds think alike. Or people are irritated by the same things.
I know that it probably seems small to some people, but after editors for magazines and college professors tell you something enough times, you realize that they may be right. Grammar counts.
Senior Software Developer
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Heh. I have to fight the urge to correct spelling and grammar in messageboard posts and thread titles -- especially the thread titles -- all the time. Mainly I don't do it because it involves fiddling with some of our internal Paizo tools, and I'm lazy.
Maybe I'll make a little "edit" button for admins....
Out of curiosity, why did you put so much background information in the article? You had 2,000 words for this Spellcraft article, but use 577 of them for the introduction. That's nearly 1/3 of the article (28% at any rate). If you had shortened the background, you might have been able to fit more than six spells. As a reader, that would have been my preference, anyway.
Agreed! I like fluff with my crunch, but the majority of your word count should be the article itself. Maybe submit that, and then offer the extraneous background stuff for readers on the forums.
Thanks Knight Otu, your feedback was very helpful, I'll try to be clearer with regard to the things you caught going forward. I still have some 1st edition vocabulary I'm trying to overcome.
As for the apostrophe comments, I realize having an error in punctuation in the subject line isn't going to win any brownie points with the editorial staff, however I did actually catch the error myself. Once I previewed the post however I couldn't change the subject line so I was stuck with it. I will try to proof my posts more carefully in the future.
Agreed! I like fluff with my crunch, but the majority of your word count should be the article itself. Maybe submit that, and then offer the extraneous background stuff for readers on the forums.
Thats actually kind of funny, I put in that amount of fluff, because I wrote it to try and get it published. That is because I thought that was what the magazine and the readers were looking for.
I don't really like any fluff for myself - it generally doesn't fit with my style or my vision of the game world so I just toss it and keep the crunchy bits. (It's hard to tell an interesting back story in so few words).
That said, I kind of liked the little backstory I had and the idea of the spells being woven into tapestries rather than on pages. I thought hiding the spells in plain site through an alternate medium was more fun than just another spellbook. I also liked the idea of DMs being able to hand out some rare spells without the players/characters necessarily knowing what they had. I also liked the owners of the spells/tapestries having built in adversaries trying to get them back.
In retrospect though I think you're right. The set up is too long, and a background that detailed, plus the description of an alternate medium, plus the set up of folks hunting the spells down, is probably too much to try and cram into a single submission.
And you're absolutely right I could offer extra details on the board. Do other writers do this? Is it common? Is it frowned on or endorsed?
Thank you for the feedback.
I don't see there being a problem with offering additional background on the forum. As long as you understand that whatever goes on the forums is purely of your creation, and that no one is expected to follow it. I know if I wrote and article, which did nto have all the stuff in it I wanted, I'd ptch it to folks here. If they wanted more, that is.
I'll voice an opposite opinion here. I don't think his word count is too far off at all. Spellcraft in issue 340 contains about the same - it has six spells, and one page of intro text. I think the intro text was cool and interesting, and helps to set the tone for the spells.
I'll voice an opposite opinion here. I don't think his word count is too far off at all. Spellcraft in issue 340 contains about the same - it has six spells, and one page of intro text. I think the intro text was cool and interesting, and helps to set the tone for the spells.
Thanks.
Do you have a rule of thumb you use for intro length, or do you focus primarily on the idea you are trying to get across?
I've never had a spellcraft published; and, in fact, up until now I've only had the short version of Class Act articles published. In that format, I was limited to no more than 700 words for the article. I tried to keep my intro to 100 words or less so roughly 14%.
I'm looking at a Bazaar of the Bizarre that's sitting in Mike's slush pile; the entire article is 1898 words, and the intro to the article is 298 words - 15.7%.
That may or may not prove useful. ;)
Thanks.
Do you have a rule of thumb you use for intro length, or do you focus primarily on the idea you are trying to get across?
from the Dragon Writers Guidelines:
"If your article begins with a narrative vignette or piece of example dialog, it should be no more than 200 words long."