Good Day (or evening depending on where you are in the world)all,
I just thought it would be fun to post funny things that happened during a gaming session, so we can all have a good laugh. It also helps to know you are not alone out there. I have often wondered if my friends and i are "normal". I suspect not, but i'll bet there are a LOT more of us out there.
I'll start us off with a short list of "Famous Last Words" (off the top of my head):
Rogue: Traps? who needs to check for traps?
Rogue(after checking for traps): All clear guys!
Fighter: Let me go first, I can take the most punishment.
Wizard: SR! of crap I forgot these things have SR!
Any PC: I wonder what this Lever does.
Any PC: Those? nah dude they're harmless.
Any PC: Trust me it's made of cheese! (long story there)
Party as a whole: And who's gonna make us?
Paladin: Orcus Schmorkus, he's evil and i'm wasting his ass!
Cleric turning undead (in this case a Demi Lich of great power): Bite me Mr. Demi B+$$#!
And there are a lot more moments of hilarity, but that's all I can think of for now...except for one other thing which stands out.
We all played in Canada (and like myself) we had a lot of gamers who are immigrants to Canada (consequently English is not their first language). This one guy in particular cracked me up. Whenever the party entered a crypt they all snickered and hoped to god in my description there would be a Sarcophagus. This poor guy could never pronounce it and always referred to it as a : " sacro faget!" LOL, the whole group was in stitches the first time he did it, and didn't know why we were all laughing. When we finally explained it he was a little embarassed, but the WHOLE group now takes to calling them that everytime.
Feel free to chime in guys.
Be safe all.
Trying to escape a hostile situation in the tavern, the PCs run upstairs to get their stuff and awaken their sleeping companion, a hermaphroditic lizardfolk shaman.
The rogue enters first and finds the shaman laying naked in bed, and starts yelling to wake up. The druid, followed by his dire badger, enters next, and starts to hang a rope out of the window, climbing out shortly after.
The dire badger crawls half-way out of the window, then starts to squeal as it can't go out, or get back in. The rogue grabs the squealing badger's hind-quarters, the (still naked hermaphroditic) lizardfolk grabs the rogue, and...
..in comes the town patrol, who stop, blink, and close the door with suspicious smiles on their faces.
As the door closes, the rogue yells, "Officer, it's not what it looks like!"
As far as famous last words go, let see:
I shoulder block it through the door! (The IT was a Half Giant Centaur Dragon and the character was a human who wasn't paying attention when I described what they were seeing.)
What do you mean he casts Heal on himself?
What do you mean he has Spell Turning?
THief: Why do I have to go check for traps? *Click*
Why is the Dm smiling? (Smiling knowingly to yourself can drop an adventure to a crawl as your group begins to creep along waiting for the ambush. Another is if you spend too much time describing a mundane item or chest.)
Mage: I run in and attack! (swear to god this just happened Tuesday night."
And my personal favorite: One of my PCs saw an older gypsy sitting in a dark corner of a tavern and for some reason that I can't quite remember decided to go and talk to him. The old gypsy is a recuring villian who is usually used for decimating high level groups and forcing PCs to run away, so the player knew the description, but with a 10th level fighter, he walked over and decided to start a fight. At which point the Gypsy ripped off both of his arms and disembowled him. The players response was to get mad at me, because he didn't think that I would put such a high level NPC in a game for 7th level characters, even though if he had simply left the man alone (Like the rest of the party was telling him to do, nothing would have happened)...Groan!
In a certain infamous 1st ed adventure many years ago...
Mage 1: "Well, I guess I jump in the devil's mouth"
Mage 2: "Me, too"
DM (me): "How about the rest of you?"
All: "We jump in, too."
DM: "Okay. You're all dead."That may be a little DM-specific humor, but, c'mon, a TPK in first room?! And the two mages were very experienced (as in going back pre-AD&D).
I thought it was funny...
Holy Copycats!!
The exact same thing happened to my group in that infernal crypt! What are the odds...
Ultradan
In a certain infamous 1st ed adventure many years ago...
Mage 1: "Well, I guess I jump in the devil's mouth"
Mage 2: "Me, too"
DM (me): "How about the rest of you?"
All: "We jump in, too."
DM: "Okay. You're all dead."That may be a little DM-specific humor, but, c'mon, a TPK in first room?! And the two mages were very experienced (as in going back pre-AD&D).
I thought it was funny...
Holy Copycats!!
The exact same thing happened to my group in that infernal crypt! What are the odds...
Ultradan
Aye...Had a group do the same thing...
ASEO out
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WAAAAAAYYYYY back in the days of AD&D, I played in a groupwith a guy that was a total power gamer with the theif's backstab ability. one adventure, we were crossing a narrow bridge in an underground chasm when we were attacked by a giant bat. Said player ties one end of his 200 feet of rope ( he made a big point of this number) to the bridge and used the other end to lasso the bat. With the bat now leashed to the bridge , he shimmied up the rope and climbed on to the bat's back. Then, he decides to backstab it, doing ungodly amounts of damage killing it instantly. As the bat falls, the player is unconcerned because he has that 200 feet of rope with one end tied to the bridge.
Unfortunately, he took damage when he hit the ground- from 200 feet above the bridge to the ground only 100 feet below the bridge. (= 300 ft falling=30d6 pts of damage) Time to make a new character
I had a gamer play a half elf fighter that decided to get "fresh" with a beautiful woman they had just rescued from a dungeon. Little did he know that she was actually a higher level mage.
FTR: Well I can think of a way you can thank me (slaps her on the rump)
Mage: (Smiles sweetly) I can think of somthing even better... (Casts Ray of Emfeeblement and goes to town beating the snot out of him while the rest of the party stands back and gawks.)
Another one of my favorites is when our 8 level Half ogre barbarian fell off a rope bridge and into a 100 foot drop canyon...amazingly he survived the fall. Bad rolls on my part.
Hey I just remembered a really funny "Famous last words" that my party still laughs about to this day:
DM to the party: You DID hear me say "DIRE" right?
The PCS: Dire or not they are still ONLY Squirrels!
The slaughter that ensued still brings mock rage from my players followed by side splitting laughter.
Twilight 2000 is a brutal game system for a brutal game setting. Heroic deeds and cinematic action? Well, not in this game system.
While chugging up the Vistula river in a gunboat, the party got ambushed by river pirates, firing on them from both sides of the river. Unable to shoot machineguns or rocketlaunchers to defend himself and his party, (if you don't have the skill, you can't shoot it, not even with a penalty), the player has his character jump into the river to SWIM towards the MACHINEGUN wielding bad guys. He ends up shot, floating face down.
Player: "What kind of f@~!ing game is this?"
Other Player: "It's a game of high fantasy!" (This became a recurring line)
Player: "This sucks, can we play Axis & Allies?" (another famous recurring line)
The same player, after rolling up another character, decided to try to roll a handgrenade down the barrel of a moving T-72 main battle tank to try to blow it up. He ran up to the tank, tried to leap up to grab the barrel so he could shimmy his way to the muzzle, flubbed his jump and got run over.
"Don't I get a saving throw?"
"Not in this game--60 tons of tank just squished you into the Polish mud"
As he was headed out the door he said "Call me when you guys are ready to play Axis & Allies."
Other player: "It's a game of high fantasy!"
(Twilight: 2000 remains one of my favorite games....as well as Axis & Allies)(This player gave up RPG's altogether soon afterwards and we lost track of him, although the lines he's spawned have survived 20 years--I ran into this guy again a few years ago at the store--he asked if we were still gaming and I said yes, but mostly just games of high fantasy--we both had a good laugh then, with many strangers giving us weird looks)
Setting: PCs were infiltrating a secret base underneath the Karrnathi Embassy in Sharn looking for a captured ambassador. They had found some gith silver swords.
Me, the DM: Okay, you walk in the room, and sitting at the desk is a middle-aged man, obviously writing some letters, with numerous corrospondence on his desk.
Party: We make him talk.
Warlock: Yeah, or else I'll kill him.
DM: The middle-aged man, upon seeing your threats of violence, says, "Well, hello there."
Warlock: What is going on here?
DM: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.
After a successful intimidate check...
DM: We're... researching these swords. That's all I'm supposed to know. But... there's something else.
Warlock Interrupts: Talk, or I'll kill you!
DM: Umm... He was still talking.
Warlock: I cast darkness on him.
DM: Okay... *rolls eyes*
Player: What are you doing that for? He was still talking.
Warlock: Oh. Nevermind.
Had a pretty good one at my last session.
Set up: The players are in a Kobold lair trying to kill the varments that have been eating all their mules whenever they go to explore some other part of the Cave Complex.
Player A: Ha - I smash the boulder from the Kobolds trap into the fleeing kobolds!
DM Jeremy: Interesting! The 'boulder' breaks when it smashes into the kobold as its actually just paper Mache painted to look like a boulder. Out of it streams a Wasp Swarm like a buzzing river with wings...which (roll some dice) kills the kobold. Then I guess the wasps turn toward you.
Player A: F@$#! I hate Kobolds! They are always trying to kill you with grade four arts and crafts.
Setup: Our (2nd Ed) party consisted of a priestess of an animal goddess (half elf that dressed like a country bumpkin), a paladin that preferred redemption over vanquishing, an oriental fighter, a (not an evil) necromancer, a goody two shoes wizard, and a halfling "merchant" (psionicist thief). Most of us were titled nobles of one of the world's kingdoms; our party leader, the priestess, being the one of most station - she was a duchess, the rest were barons.
At a border crossing, the Lieutenant of the Guard started talking to the priestess like she was some tramp for the taking. Here's what followed:
Guard's lewd conduct continues...
Halfling: "Jazar?"
Paladin: "Yes Jordan?"
Halfling: "May I borrow your rod?" (club like weapon)
Paladin: "...Why?"
Halfling: "I'll return it in a few moments."
Paladin, suspicious: "...okay, but I want it back."
Halfling smiles: "Thank you Jazar."
Halfling dismounts, then begins walking around about, making his way to the guard and the priestess. Nobody takes much notice.
Then:
Hafling, to Guard, smiling: "Hello."
Guard, briefly: "Yeah, hi."
Halfling kneecaps guard. *WHACK* then, while the party is recovering from the shock, reads the guard the riot act. Halfling explains the priestess' station, title, and just how she was disrespected while the guard screams his apologies.
The party rushes in. The paladin picks up the halfling by the scruff and carries him off while the priestess heals the injured guard - who continues to apologize /profusely/, I might add. Both the Paladin and the Priestess take turns having a talk with the halfling about his actions.
Heheheheheh. Beware smiling halflings with blunt objects.
Heheheheheh. Beware smiling halflings with blunt objects.
Yes! I love it! My halfling did something like this in one of our games. The paladin was questioning a tied up thief and my halfling walked up to him with a smile and said "Let me try." The paladin scowled at him, but walked away. My halfling nodded his head and said to the thief "He's the good cop, so that makes me the bad cop." A broken finger and three loose teeth later the thief was talking, although it was slurred from the blood and missing teeth. God I love Halflings!
A bit from my Hoarde
God I love Halflings!
What made it all the more shocking is because my character was not the nasty kneebiter stereotype. He was usually calm, actually suave, and the voice of reason in most situations.
Another of his conversations... and had more than once:
Halfling: "So let me get this straight; we're going to rush into this, without a plan, no idea of what we're up against, and hope we don't die?"
Priestess: "Yeah, pretty much."
Halfling: "Got it. Standard Operating Procedure. If we survive, remind me to discuss with you the virtues of common sense."
Bugs and Elmer Fudd
Was running a group through a campaign a few years ago and had a situation that we still laugh about...
Party stops at the top of a cliff and sends two members of the group down the narrow path to scout ahead. Just then two goblins emerge from the brush at the bottom of the cliff and spot the two party members... the chase is on!
Dashing through the bushes the two PC's come to a screeching halt 100 yards away from the cliff as they stumble into the entire goblin encampment. The goblins, emboldened by their superior numbers rush the PC's... the chase is on!
Dashing through the brush, the PC's arrive back at the cliff face and rush to join the rest of the party at the top, sreaming bloody murder about "goblins!" as the goblins charge up the cliff. Several rounds of combat later, the surviving goblins have had enough for today and decide to beat feet back to camp... the chase is on!
To this day, all someone has to do is mime two figures chasing each other back and forth to produce a laugh! :-)
Back in the day, we also had a halfling in our group who was an endless source of entertainment.
This character, originally a thief, converted (unwillingly) to become a cleric of Blibdoolpoop after an unfortunate chain of events in the D series that might be recalled by other old farts like me. From that point forward, he took to his new calling with gusto, to the dismay of the party paladin. He took to wearing an set of black plate mail that made him look like, in his own words, "a Franklin stove". For some reason, whenever he would sacrifice an enemy with his wicked black mace, he would cry "Nom de Plume!"
Back when he was still a thief, the PC attempted to leap from one flying hippogrif to another, missed, fell about two hundred feet. Smeared across the landscape, he asked the DM, "Can't I roll with it or something?"
Famous quote: (Said with great volume and genuine disgust) "Why do I always die in the last room?" (Much more philosophical that it first appears.)
His name was Bulbus the Blah, by the way.
This was the actual "PC history" sheet I gave to my player who was joining my group of seasoned adventurers... He was a halfling also:
The High Cost of Living
or
(The Chronicles of Wellby)
Lived a pretty uneventful life.
Went to a local tavern for the first time about two years ago.
Got real drunk and stole a shiny dagger from a bouncer.
Bouncer found you sleeping under a chair the next morning.
Swore to never steal again if bouncer spared your life.
Stole a shiny dagger from bouncer.
Left town twenty minutes later.
Stole a backpack from sleeping adventurers.
Arrived at the village of Leafhead.
Tried to sell contents of backpack to an adventurer.
He happened to be the same adventurer you stole the backpack from.
“Accidentally” killed the adventurer with a shiny dagger.
Stole the adventurers’ gear and horse and left town.
Swore to yourself that this behaviour has got to stop.
Lived off the countryside for a while.
Found a place called Marbek.
With the adventurer’s gear, you passed yourself for a seasoned mercenary.
Heard of Lanhkmar and it’s promises of untold riches.
You’ve been asked to join a local thieves’ guild by a dark and strange man.
“Accidentally” killed the dark and strange man with a shinny dagger.
Stole the dark and strange man’s gear and map of the guild’s hideout.
Went and found the hideout to join the guild.
Stole a few (all) magic items from the hideout and skipped town.
Swore to yourself that this was the last time you ever steal anything.
Lived off the countryside for a while.
Made your way to Lanhkmar in search of fame and fortune.
Heard about the ruins of Undermountain. Decided to go have a look.
Got about half-way through the swamp and decided to call it quits.
Went back to Lanhkmar to look for an easier way to find fame and fortune.
Borrowed 25000 gold pieces from a loan shark.
Found a high-stakes gambling facility.
Bet 25000 gold pieces on a game of knucklebones.
Lost the game of knucklebones.
Swore to yourself to never borrow money from that particular loan shark ever again and left Lanhkmar twenty minutes later.
Lived off the countryside for a while.
Went to a town on the other side of the lake.
“Borrowed” an unattended horse that was in front of the sheriff’s office.
Turned out that the horse was the sheriff’s mount.
Turned out the sheriff was a paladin.
Got caught; Served three gruelling hours in an electrum mine.
Stole a shovel (well you didn’t really steal the shovel; it was given to you) and some food, pick-pocketed three guards (looking for a key) and escaped the mines with a cart-full of raw electrum ore.
Buried the ore with the shovel and left town.
Lived in the surrounding wilderness for a while.
Looked around for a “legal” job.
Heard that Cauldron was running low on adventurers.
Went to Cauldron with a caravan of mercenaries hoping to get hired to protect the town.
Got hired by the Lord Mayor to fetch some local heroes in Womtham.
The pay was really not that great.
Thought he was a cheap bastard, but since you swore to yourself to go straight…
Found the heroes and brought them back to the lord mayor.
Decided to stick with these “heroes” because they seem to know how to get rich the good old fashion way (by killing and taking!!!).
Ultradan
Ultrada, I haven't laughed that hard at a bio for a long time. Mind if I use that particular bio for an NPC in my next quest?
Ultrada, I haven't laughed that hard at a bio for a long time. Mind if I use that particular bio for an NPC in my next quest?
Of course you can... Just edit the town names to fit your campaign. (And even if I said no, how would I stop you?)
Ultradan
Ultrada, I haven't laughed that hard at a bio for a long time. Mind if I use that particular bio for an NPC in my next quest?Of course you can... Just edit the town names to fit your campaign. (And even if I said no, how would I stop you?)
Ultradan
Of course you really can't, lol. I was just trying to be polite. And thanks too.
Good Day (or evening depending on where you are in the world)all,
I just thought it would be fun to post funny things that happened during a gaming session, so we can all have a good laugh.
A human monk of mine that was turned into a drow: Elves! Why does it always have to be Elves?" With much disgust I might add.
"Stupid pointy eared Bas#$%@s!" Half-elf cleric! his upbringing was complicated.
" Wheeeeeee!" Halfelf cleric, he had robes that acted similar to a cloak or feather fall but instead of slowing him from the start they didn't work until about 20 feet above the ground.
the gnomish thief/illusionist was out of magic spells and tried to hide, the player flopped and rolled a 1! so when we were looking for him he was basically pretending to be a tree on the side of the road! ah, silly gnomes!
years ago, back in second ed., i had a guy that was running a 1oth or so level half elven fighter who thought he was the most awesome thing in the world after he survived a "football" game with some giants(no, he wasnt the ball)
so any ways, the next encounter we had was underground and it was with a nightmare, i placed the creature there to try to teach him a lesson....when he rolled a 19 on his first attack and got ready to do some major die rolling for damge, the look on his face was classic when i told him the sword hit but does no damage...he forgot that he was using his non-magical bastard sword....his next action was to run
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Two stories:
The first involved our party going through the Tomb of Horrors. The party had heard about how deadly it was, so we spent large sums of gold having contingency and raise dead cast on each of the party members before they entered. I'm not sure that this was entirely within the rules, but our DM was confident that we would need the help.
Anyhow, our party got to the tilting corridor over lava-pit trap and listened at the door. Of course, we heard the (illusory) sounds of people on the other side of the door running away. The party monk (1st edition monk) announced that he would throw open the door and run after them full-speed. Monks in the old days had movement rates that were truly frightening, BTW. So the monk speeds off down the hall...
The rest of the party waited a moment, then we heard something strange:
"AGGGHHH!"
(pause)
"AGGGHHH!"
The monk had fallen into the lava and died, was raised by contingency while still in the lava, and promptly died again.
The other one involved a different group that had become trapped in the Underdark and had used up all our rations. We were starting to take damage from starvation and we were all pretty miserable. The halfling thief (rogue) had been killed in a previous encounter and we had been hauling his bod around with us in hopes of getting him raised or ressurected at the earliest opportunity.
The party fighter non-chalantly asked the cleric, "How much of a person's body is needed to ressurect them?"
"Just one small piece will do, really." the cleric responded.
"Good," said the fighter as he set down the halfling's body and cut off one of its fingers. He then wrapped up the finger and put it in his pouch.
Catching on to the fighter's intentions, the cleric exclaimed, "We can't EAT him! That's CANNIBALISM!"
The fighter looked at him, shrugged, and replied, "I'm not a halfling..."
The fighter looked at him, shrugged, and replied, "I'm not a halfling..."
Now thats funny!
I DMed a group containing a paladin and an evil monk a while back. During one adventure they came upon a holy shrine that the monk wanted to loot but the paladin stoped him. Just before they left though, the monk managed to sneak two candelabras into his sack without the paladin noticing.
Several adventures later the party was batteling demons and for some reason (that I can't remember) they were all struck deaf. At this point the monk walks up to the paladin and shouts:
"I stole two candelabras from the shrine!"
I DMed a group containing a paladin and an evil monk a while back. During one adventure they came upon a holy shrine that the monk wanted to loot but the paladin stoped him. Just before they left though, the monk managed to sneak two candelabras into his sack without the paladin noticing.
Several adventures later the party was batteling demons and for some reason (that I can't remember) they were all struck deaf. At this point the monk walks up to the paladin and shouts:
"I stole two candelabras from the shrine!"
LOL!!
A buddy of mine's favorite character from 1st/2nd edition was his half-ogre named Arn. Arn carried an oak door as a shield. The door had a knocker. Every time he ran, he had to make an INT check (just once per run) to avoid stopping in the middle of the run to look over his shield and see who's knocking. INT of 4.....The player initiated this and I used to routinely give him extra XP every time he did it voluntarily in the middle of a crucial fight.
This is kinda dumb, but okay:
We were playing D&D with me as the DM. They had just met a cultist leader of Vecna who was the BBEG for the adventure. It went like this...
DM (Me): You enter the room. Unlike all the others, it is wide and spacious. Fancy symbols of eyes and hands line the walls, the tiles on the floor appear to be made of amethyst, and a large obsidian altar, covered in fresh blood, is near the back of the room. A tall, handsome human in purple, yellow, black, and red robes stands by the altar. He turns around and looks at you and then says *long plot-related speech*. Congatulations, you've met your main plot-related villain.
PC: Cue the Sephiroth music.
I had a player try to lasso a huge black dragon once...I asked him twice...and he said YES that is what I want to try...needless to say it went bad.
i was playing a monk in a campain where we had finally discovered the evil wizard controlling the duchess and were searching through his tower to find out were he was hidding
we had no rogue so i was the one that had to open doors in case of traps. we enter a huge circular chamber with a dozen doors at the end of 40 ft corridors terrified of traps we spend nearly an hour befor we go through each door. We find some nasty surprizes but the doors themselves were clean.
Finally we get to the last door and the party, expecting the climactic confrontation with the wizard, lines up in the 5ft corridor and starts disgussing possible strategies.
DM:(annoyed) how long are you going to keep chatting in the hallway?
Paladin:Okay fine but first we should use that detect magic wand on the door incase it's trapped.
Ranger: Who has the wand?
Sorcerer:I have detect magic as a cantrip the h@$$ with the wand
Monk: fine just do it
Sorcerer: My bad guys I have READ magic as a cantrip not detect
Ranger: Does the wand even have any charges left?
Monk: screw it! the monk grows impatient and throws open the door!
The DM laughs as he begins to roll damage for the lightning bolt that rockets from the door frying every one of the perfectly aligned party members.
I pulled a funny one In our AoW campaign. Tigerlilly is the Dm, and it was in the 9th modual where the volcano erupts. Because most of our party has stuff to make them resistant to fire, she substutied the ancient red dragon out for an ancient green. My character is a Kobold Paladin, using flying magic attacks the dragon in the air. The dragon seizes him with a bite, but the kobold ends up just getting caught inside the dragons mouth. He begins attacking the inside of the mouth succeding in mainly just pissing the dragon off. The dragon then opens his mouth drawing in a deep breath and prepares to eject the kobold via his breath weapon. The Kobold pulls a rod of lordly might and instead of attack the dragon with a feapon function off of the rod, activates the climbing pole and extend a 50 foot long Stick down the dragons throat. THe Dm makes her roll and the dragon fumbles, gaging instead of using it's breath weapon and succeds in spitting out the kobold. The dragon then couldn't get the rod out and continued chaoking, failed it's check to see if it could remain air born and crashed head first into the ground inflicting enough damage to itself to kill it. the kobold survived, Me as the player almost did not. This was just one in a series of big monsters that she had thrown at us that ended up dying comically while much smaller easier monsters kicked the crap out of us when we should have made short work out of them.