darthfrodo's page

I would be very supportive of your efforts.
Darth Frodo

Can I call dibs on a print version through Paizo?

Print version please.

Congratulations to all of you. As I posted in my thread, this has been a great learning experience and I am very eager to see what you who have advanced can come up with now.
I for one shall be unbiased but demanding in my choice. May the worst villain win! :)
Rennie aka Darth "creepy avatar" Frodo

I like your focus on making sure your setting is integrated and continuous. It certainly plays a role in compellingly consistent storytelling at the game table.

Thanks for noticing. I think this is where I got into trouble with too much history. I want everything to make sense so I develop a consistent back story. But I probably should have included less of it in this particular format.

Hey Darth, you can't post stuff like that here. Please see the revised Rule #14.

I've suppressed your post so nobody else can see it.

Gary,

Thanks to everyone for the great critiques! Whether or not I advance I am going to give this an edit based on feedback.
I've learned A LOT from this process.
Thanks again,
Darth Frodo

And the avatar is SUPPOSED to be creepy...
:)

I was under the impression that we could discuss design decisions as long as it didn't add to the entry. My bad if I misunderstood. But I guess that leaves me with nothing to say. :|
Darth Frodo

Hey Darth, you can't post stuff like that here. Please see the revised Rule #14.

I've suppressed your post so nobody else can see it.

Sorry I haven't taken the time to chime in, I've been reading the other submissions. Let me give a wee bit of feedback as to why I made certain design and writing choices.

I had originally started with the crunch at the beginning, but in the guidelines it said that it was okay to try something original. So...
What I tried to do is give a 'reason' for why the Twisted Lands are the way they are in one paragraph. Perhaps it is only for DMs and designers, but I personally like to have a reason for something existing. I used implication and inference, obviously somewhat unsuccessfully, to show that there is geography, trade and monsters. They were intended to be hints; starting points if you will. In the second paragraph I explained, again through prose, why adventurers might find dire bears rather than grizzly bears or run into demons, etc.
In an effort to find something unique I set up a struggle between Law and Chaos with the PCs very likely taking the side of chaos even though it may be inherently more dangerous.
I had in fact planned on using a vadween character as my villain. Perhaps if I make it through this round I will get the chance to present that to you.
It is interesting the parallels folks have drawn to other settings because I find it most like Dark Sun. But I did my best to design away from that setting for multiple reasons.
The last sentence of the submission, like everything else, was written in the hopes of generating ideas for engaging story lines and conflict.
As a last point in this response; I am in fact a native speaker and writer of English. However, in my defense I had shoulder surgery on Monday the 26th and wrote most of this under the heavy influence of pain killers. But looking back at it now as the haze is clearing, I stand by the submission, except that perhaps I would have left the crunch/data at the beginning.
Thanks to you all for taking the time to read and respond.
peace,
Darth Frodo

Fellows,
Thanks for the critique and analysis. I already see how I would approach an edit based on your feedback. Hopefully I will have a chance to apply my new wisdom in the next round!
peace,
Darth Frodo

Vic and William,
Thanks! That answered my questions.
I'm looking forward to Wednesday!
peace,
Darth Frodo

I have a few questions about the voting process.
At what time on the 5th will the entries be available to read?
Is each voter (forum member) allowed 1 vote?
Or are we voting for several as in our favorite 3 or 5?
Approximately how many people do you expect to vote? (I can't tell how many forum members there are).
If this info has already be posted could I be directed to it?
thanks in advance,
Darth Frodo

I submitted on Sunday evening and then took a break to watch football. I had a great time with the challenge of making each sentence rich with possibility and hoping that the description elicits a response of the reader wanting to visit, but not building in too much restriction.

As far as responding to questions, it seems clear that a discussion of design decisions is encouraged, ie, "I wrote more about x than y because I wanted to emphasize adventure/role play/politics, etc" is encouraged. But saying that "I left out this really neat city that is so cool because blah-blah..." is not.

I entered this contest on a lark, even though writing for gaming is one of my loves and is a career choice I have seriously considered, I didn't figure on it going anywhere. The first idea for a wondrous item that jumped into my head was the Beacon of Hope. And I kept thinking I needed something more flashy such as the Brooch of Bard-like Charisma or Really Swank Shoes of Blue Suedeness. But I stuck with my first impulse and here I am. The thing I love most about this so far is the discussion that this has engendered. I have rarely had this much fun around gaming without actually playing. Thanks to the judges, voters and the other winners. I am looking forward to reading the entries.
peace,
Darth Frodo

Since were planning on playing the Savage Tide adventure path in a month or two and that it took us 2 years to finish the Age of Worms I'm not worried about 4e as of right now. In fact I view it as the Vista of RPG, I'll give them a year or two to work out the bugs!!!

This is my feeling also as we are playing Shackled City. I am excited for the possibilities of 4E, but to use your metaphor, I'm still using XP...and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

Secure in the Blessed Embrace of the Eternals

The Twisted Lands have suffered through 1000 years of peace. It is a peace that is enforced with draconian laws, countless regulations and swift justice that is dispensed by the powerful Order. The empire of the titans had been a member of the Seven Nations that included human, elf, dwarf, halfling, gnome and giant. But their civil war became the Unspoken War. It grew until it involved every race and covered all of the land. In the end the Titans of Law defeated their brethren the Titans of Chaos and in
the aftermath the world became known as the Twisted Lands. The forces of chaos that had been unleashed brought change to every living thing; creatures and plants in equal measure. The only means of survival is through adherence to the strict laws and regulations laid down by The Twelve, Titans of Law that through victory have achieved the status of demigods. Known as the Eternals, the titans have each grown their own living city. Remnants of the Seven Nations plus two races that had come into being during the war, the vadween and the hidden, were invited to inhabit them. Spread across the Twisted Lands, the Living Cities each hold sway over their immediate surroundings. Chaos reigns in the great stretches of wilderness between.

Idalia lies on the southwestern edge of the Kuhpil continent now known as the Twisted Lands. It is bordered by Aster on the east and the border is drawn by the mighty Hanahash River which flows to the sea. Calbanor lies to the north and the border is drawn by the low, rugged Ox Tooth Mountains. The rugged cliffs of the Taris Sea create its third border in the west.
Two Living Cities share the country of Idalia. In the wild, temperate forests of the northeast stands the modest Living City of Budwiv, its inhabitants giving fealty to Sallajaj the Eternal. Far to the west, in the mountains overlooking the Taris Sea stands the grandest and richest of the Living Cities, Jadin. The city is ruled with brutal efficiency by the Parliament in the name of Maladacius the Eternal.
There are several communities of hidden, the largest being Betrath the Forgotten which is built into the mountainsides 300 kilometers north of Jadin.
Nomadic tribes of vadween travel the wilds hunting, trading and scavenging the ruins of fallen empires.

The chaos storms that sweep across the Twisted Lands have turned the natural world into a nightmare. The simple beasts have been replaced by monsters, unnatural creatures and supernatural beings that infest the wild spaces between the Living Cities and make travel between these bastions of law and order treacherous and life-threatening.

Idalia of the Twisted Lands; AL LN;
Government: All the countries of the Twisted Lands including Idalia have autonomous city-states and independent communities rather than centralized governments. Each city and settlement has its own ruler.
Cities & Settlements:
Jadin (living city metropolis): Monstrous; AL LN; Population 40,000 adults; 100,000 gp limit; Assets 37,500,000 gp; Mixed (giant 35%, elf 20%, human 10%, gnome 10%, halfling 5%, dwarf 5%, vadween 5%, hidden 5% other 5%).
Government: Theocracy ruled by the resident demigod Maladacius the Eternal. The daily business of ruling is handled by the Parliament whose members are selected from three powerful organizations. By far the most influential of these three groups is the Order. This is a select group of high-level clerics led by Hierophant Ubimor XIV, stone giant (cleric 16). The Cartel is a small group of wealthy merchants that control the extremely dangerous but highly lucrative trade with the other Living Cities of the Twisted Lands. The chief representative of the Cartel is Habjar Duli, high elf (aristocrat 12). The Craft is a large but politically weak alliance of the many trade guilds in the city. They currently have 15 members in parliament, but each is awarded only one-third of a vote, keeping them in political check by the Order. The chief representative is Abuyar Jist, halfling (expert 8), master of the Humble Guild of Potters.
Militia: Patrols of Beloved generally consist of a myrmidon captain (fighter 8) and three hoplites (fighter 4). Select patrols also include a Hand of Maladacius (cleric 4/fighter 2/HoM 2).

Budwiv (large living city): Monstrous; AL LN; Population 22,000 adults; 40,000 gp limit; Assets 15,000,000 gp; Mixed (elf 35%, halfling 25%, dwarf 15%, giant 10%, human 5%, vadween 5%, hidden 2%, other 3%). Government: The demigod Sallajaj the Eternal and a parliament similar to Jadin.

Betrath the Forgotten (large town): Conventional; AL CN; Population 3,400 adults; 3,000 gp limit; Assets 1,125,000 gp; (hidden 85%, vadween 10%, other 5%); Government Tribal; Headman Yusi Tcakto (warrior 9).

DM Secrets
Clerics receive their spells from the patron Eternal of the city where they are trained. Other religions are not allowed in a Living City although it is rumored that cults worshiping other Eternals and other gods exist.

Beloved is a template that may be added to any humanoid race. Beloved are the warriors that fought for the Titans of Law during the Unspoken War. Transformation is provided by Maladacius to those who have proven their loyalty.

While not directly outlawed, wielders of arcane magic are looked upon with disfavor by the Order. There are many laws and ordinances which restrict the behavior of mages and the use of arcane magic. The grumbles of dissatisfaction are growing.

The hidden are humans that were subjugated by the Titans of Chaos to serve as their warriors in the Unspoken War. They were given the ability to shapechange in order to take on the characteristics of creatures. Many hidden are tiring of the persecution and isolation.

The vadween are a race of elves that have embraced the elements. The zephyria, aligned to elemental air, are the most common in Idalia. Some whisper that the vadween are tied to the origin of the Eternals.

Oppression breeds rebellion. Stagnation breeds chaos.

This item is one of my favorites. I can really see this being used by a bard. I only wish they didn't disappear after use. Leaving behind a paper figure as a calling card has nice role-play flavor. I agree with some of the posters that I probably would have kept the bonus in line with other books, say a +5 and made each spell a different DC. But it still works as written and I'm glad it is a keeper. Good luck on your country Mauricio!
Darth Frodo

I just want to add my 2cents here; this item is wonderfully evocative! I think you did a great job of making it understandable within the word limit and if used in an adventure I assume it would be given more word space.
Creepy and interesting. Good Luck!
Darth Frodo

Well thought out item. This has come up in oh so many games I've been a part of. I could even see a use for those times when your rogue has been executed and you are given the right of burial. Place him in the crypt. Take the shroud home and poof, Mr. or Ms. Hand in the Cookie Jar is back!
I look forward to seeing your city. Good luck.
Darth Frodo

I like this item quite a bit because I prefer magic items that enhance a characters class abilities which I think this does nicely for warriors. I have a high-level mage who would gladly buy this for any warrior in the party! Well done.
Darth Frodo

I had considered Status as a core spell of the item, but it seemed as though that would make it a Cleric-specific item that you would attune to your party on a regular basis. The Beacon was intended to be a type of magical transponder, such as they have on lifeboats(except for the magical part), that anyone can make use of. And because it alerts *any* Friendly creature within range, the item may end up alerting a non-party member. I liked the role-play implications of that aspect.
Darth Frodo

I am pleased that folks appreciate the simplicity; it is a guiding principle of my design philosophy.
Ragwaine, the 600 feet is because that is the distance limit of the spell for a 5th level caster.
Watcher, I didn't go for Find the Path because I didn't feel it was appropriate to the function and while Discern Location would be perfect, it is an 8th level spell which takes it way beyond the accessibility I wanted for the item.
Thanks for the feedback everyone, I'm at work on my country!
Darth Frodo

This delicate amulet is crafted in the form of a beacon lantern. Through a simple divine ritual the amulet is attuned to the bearer’s deity so that when the bearer falls unconscious or is dying, friendly creatures within 600’ can sense their location without error.
Faint Divination; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, Clairaudience/Clairvoyance; Price 3,000 gp

I'm about to run a Ptolus campaign, I also have the SCAP hardcover. I am just wondering if there are any chapters that would be easily ported to a different city. I am looking for urban adventures, I really don't want to put my players through the "evil demon has some sort of a plan involving a prophecy campaign again" (we just finished AOW.)

Any good urban plots in SCAP I should take a look at?

SCAP is a GREAT urban campaign, BUT it is centered around an "evil demon prince has gone mad from being imprisoned and wants to use this city as a gateway" arc soooo...you can't get away from that here.