They have a sister to. She did not look like either a goblin or a kobold. Very polite young lady.I lose track of them all sometimes.
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Ward, honey, watch where you're driving! You almost missed him!::JUMPS the CURB and comes BARRELING at GALLY at 80MPH::Nope. You're a smvnf. ::Backs back over Gally and then spins wheels, sending chucks and goo everywhere:: What was that, dear? No, don't shout. Stay right there and I will drive over. ::Depresses clutch, revs engine, releases and peels towards June::
Nope. You're a smvnf. ::JUMPS the CURB and comes BARRELING at GALLY at 80MPH::
::Roars into thread:: Now you know why I'm always trying to run that beeyatch over. ::Roars out of thread, swerving towards Gally or the Cleave, if they appear::
Listen to your mother, Cleave, and don't play in threads were you don't belong. ::Peels out of thread in his Fury, running over KC as he goes:: Wups! Now, let that be a lesson to you, Cleave. Clean up your mess on the way out. ::Burns rubber, swerving and catching June's face with the side of his grill::
::Rips into thread:: His momma drank a lot when he was in the oven. ::Peels out of thread::
*Rips into thread, swerving to "miss" June.* Don't blame me. I left Cosmo's Wandering Eye to babysit him. *Peels out of thread, in his Fury.*
*Cruises through thread, looking for women that look better than June. Notices that even the men look better than June, too.*
Drives car wildly through thread, hoping to run over June, accidentally loses control and swerves and runs over Papa Paizo.
Men are always trying to get at my lady bits. I don't let them, though.You can't blame the coronoer for trying to do his job. Psst. I think that was my clone, dear. Be careful, he might be malfunctioning. Which in your case, come to think about it, is a good thing!
Very good. I see that my clone is operational. Now to escape in my Plymouth Fury!
Sees caltrops, swerves for kobold construction ramps, which takes it airborne, heading back toward June now from the side. Yee-haw! Fury from above!
Pulls into thread, engine of Plymouth revving. And we would know the difference, how? Speeds towards June, windshield wipers and spray wash on full power.
You were the only one, that night.That's what she told me too.More likely that you told him that he was the only one.You mean there are others? You told me you were the only one Ward!I support women being on top.Ward never lets me be on top. He actually prefers to have me sedated. Girls...girls! As long as we all agree June needs to be run over, we can head back to my place afterwards and settle this with Jello-wrestling.
You mean there are others? You told me you were the only one Ward!I support women being on top.Ward never lets me be on top. He actually prefers to have me sedated. Put your seatbelt on, Bunny...June's tried to kill the others. I lose more secretaries that way.
I support women being on top.Ward never lets me be on top. He actually prefers to have me sedated. Speeds into thread. That way, she doesn't know when I push her out of the bed for a girl from the secretary pool.Peels out, swerving for June.
Kitschy post
Is that why our family name is Cleaver?That's no way to treat mom!Quiet, SC. Dr says mom won't get better without her medicine. And your father just might get homicidal if mom doesn't get better. Yes, son. But don't go blaming all the mutant genes on me. Those are from your mother's side of the family. Maybe you'd rather build a trap? Build one for your brother the Cleave...I'd hate for him to attack the family again.
That's no way to treat mom! Quiet, SC. Dr says mom won't get better without her medicine. And your father just might get homicidal if mom doesn't get better. Why don't you go outside and play ball?
I agree. You know what would do wonders for your self esteem, dear? A new head.I was going to say a divorce. Dear, you only say that because you haven't been taking your pills. Dips huge pills in oil, slides then into oversized straw. Now, which of these bloody pipes goes to your stomach? Ah, yes...the silent one. Blows into straw, shooting June's "nerve" pills straight to her stomach. There you are, dear: that should help.
I agree. You know what would do wonders for your self esteem, dear? A new head.
Are we talkin 20/30s starlet Ball, or 50s sitcom Ball? Because if it's the former, have her come over right now and we'll send the Beave out to play.
Those aren't extraneous nipples dear, they're piercings. How many times do we have to go over this? I work in a very stiff industry in the '50s...I need my inner life.
The eyes detect what's easier to look at...I told you to get that scowl taken care of.
Do you need to ask that question?~aims the shotgun at the annoying one~Hey! Why are you aiming that shotgun at Kobold Cleaver? June, you'll shoot a lot better if we get you that new head. I sure wouldn't want you to miss the Cleave just over a little female stubbornness.
Speeds maniacally through thread, looking for a head. The Fury runs over both the hideous Sebast-Sis and the cross-dressing dragon as it speeds on its way.
But dear, this one can actually type, too. Let's try and find a nice head that's not getting used...there's lots of those around. June, getting your head replaced and our mistake buried in an unmarked location where the ground is hallowed and covered with several feet of concrete will be just about the swellest thing we've ever done, to quote the Beave. By the way, did you notice that the Beave is actually a poodle?
But dear, this one can actually type, too. Let's try and find a nice head that's not getting used...there's lots of those around.
I didn't kill you dear, it was the Cleave. You're getting hysterical again. Let's just get you a nice new head and all this business will sort itself out. Lights pipe and scans the thread for pretty heads.
June...pats her hand...dear, I don't care about that. That's what my secretary's for. Now let's go find you a new head so I don't have to listen to you gurgling out of your neck stump. Besides, the interior of the Fury is turning into a real mess, dear.
You're almost as slow as that useless husband of mine. June, how are you talking without a head? We've got to find you a pretti...ur, I mean, living head to attach to your body before it's too late, then get back to our misbegotten brood of Cleavers.
Note taped to fridge:
Spoiler: Dear Beave,
Please stay close to Walleye and keep an eye on him. But be careful, he's getting dangerous. If anything goes wrong, check under your bed. Also, your mom left some cookies on the stove. Be back soon, - Dad
Don't worry boys, I'll get the Missus a new head. Say, you boys are kind of homely, but you seem like good kids. I'm glad KC has some friends who aren't so moody...do the boy some good. Cleave, you play nice with your little friends while I take your mom in search of a new head. Speeds out of the thread in his 1961 Plymouth Fury 4-door hardtop.
Ouch! How dare, you, ya little bastard!I don't think I'll ever be able to watch "Leave it to Beaver" again without this thread popping into my head. Drags June's decapitated corpse into the safe room and locks himself in. That's too bad. Well, those frown lines were looking pretty permanent...I wonder were I could find a prettier head with an acceptable brain to put on old June? Her body is still in pretty good shape. This could be what saves our marriage!
I've got it. Put something in his milk and cookies and sneak it up to him, like you're going behind my back. He'll stuff his scaly little face, pass out, we'll drown him, then bury him in the flower garden tonight while everybody is out at the carnival. It's not as good as selling him to the gypsies, but at least the nightmare will be over and we can start to live again...
Hey, I'm all for selling the Cleave. It's partially the risk of conceiving another neurotic, reptilian mess like him that has driven me to spend more time at the office. It was just that the gypsies were pitching way low for someone that could obviously make a lot in the freak-shows off of the midway. But believe me, if I had known that he was going to be this much of a problem, I'd have given him to the gypsies then for free! I MADE A MISTAKE. There, I said it. Are you happy?
Well, maybe if you took your pills more often, your sour face wouldn't be such a mood killer! Besides, the vacuum cleaner was supposed to be a hint, dear!
June, you look angry. Did you forget to take those pills that the Dr prescribed for your 'female nerves'?
I'm sending the Cleave to his room...he has some things he needs to think about.
Now Cleave...how many times to I have to tell you? Call me "Dad." Now just what seems to be the trouble? |