Dicey the House Goblin's page

OMG, "like to think," is a very passive aggressive sentiment; trust me, I know.

Random Paizo Politroll Nostalgia

It's kind of amazing that five years later, it's pretty much the same posters saying the same things to each other. On the other hand, it becomes obvious that these conversations aren't a complete waste of time. For example, I would never have voted at all in 2012. So yay! for you, although, I consider this a rightward drift on my part.

Can't believe I'm letting you liberals rub off on me.

As I said at the time, I'm calling that one a win, Doodles.

I'm amazed at the things you find amazing; you were also amazed at the number of posters in this thread, weren't you? I mean, why would you be amazed that the thread has a small number of participants, or that we have the same opinions that we did then? Those two things sort of exemplify the function of internet message boards IMNSHO.

That's exactly the same excuse you used for the stains on the carpets in Manse Dice, Doodles. And who had to clean it up?!

[Clenched fist salute]

. . . I really hope Lord and Lady Dice didn't see that!

Conservative Anklebiter wrote:

Never seen a union try to destroy another union. Well it is California I believe, which was us funny on a hypocritical sort of way.

No? I doubt you have much experience in the labor movement, then.

TRAITOR TO THE CAUSE!!

"'ACK!' shrieked the farmer. 'A FILTHY GOBLIN!'"

I'll read the rest of the book, but that one sentence tells the story of my entire life.

M'lord Dice says free rides are a gift given to goblins who prove themselves well behaved enough to ride in his carriage without causing any trouble. I mean, free rides are a birthright, just his and not goblinkind's. Toil, pain and hunger, that's a goblin's birthright.

Samnell wrote:

I'm almost done with American Slavery, American Freedom.

I've been meaning to read that for a while now. The intro to Theodore W. Allen's The Invention of the White Race (which I can't remember if it was written by Allen or the executor of his literary estate, Jeffrey B. Perry) had a ton of stuff on that book and Winthrop Jordan's White Over Black and a bunch of other books I've only heard of due to readings in Genovese. Don't remember much of what it said, alas.

Anyway, haven't made much progress in Butler, although it's not a very long book. It's good, I'm enjoying it, but it doesn't seem all that extraordinary to me. Should dig through the archives and see what Dicey said about her a whiles back.

In the meantime, for easy, bedtime reading, been re-reading Karl Kautsky's The Foundations of Christianity which reminds me that I need to finish Tom Paine and The Bible.

Also, was gifted a copy of a FLGS owner's debut novel Monday and the Murdered Man Hope it's fun.

Parable of the Sower? It makes me want to shave my head, dye myself blue, do some pyro and burn someone's house down! I mentioned the plot to m'lord Dice one time and he summarily banned its possession within within the boundaries of Demesne Dice.

I don't mean to sound dismissive, but Butler felt a lot more extraordinary before we had elected a black president who saw the Supreme Court recognize same sex marriage while in office. I wish she was still around to offer political critiques through a science fiction lens, it's just that the works she did decades ago were products of their time. Jeez, now that I can read that on the screen, it sounds very, very dismissive. Oops.

(Seriously though, was the drug called pyro? I haven't read that book in about 20 years.)

True fact, Doodles: one time I was making out with a chick and she was all, "This is so wrong!" Suddenly, her efforts to get sexy seemed very, very fake to me, so I replied "Y'know, I think you're right," and got out of her bed and walked back to my dorm room across a snowy campus.

I'm not sure if nice guys finish last, but guys who look for genuine interaction from a one night stand don't get either. :(

Yeahyeah, that version where she struts down the staircase all sexy was just too much for me; no seriously, all I remember is watching it for a little while, and the next thing I knew m'lord Dice was beating me about the head shoulders with his shoe for "staining the carpet."

House goblins just can't win, Maing.

. . . And my incisive reporting on self-improvement through literature, censorship by the upper classes, and the resulting popular art of the working class! Thatcher's Bloody Britain!!

Pillbug, I'll marry you just for knowing the whole phrase. (Full disclosure, I am a bad apple, and will most definitely "ruin your bunch.")

Alright, I watched the stinking video (when you Summon Comrade Anklebiter, Dicey the House Goblin "just shows up" to see what's going on) and here's what I'll say: I far prefer "Concernocrat" to "Social Justice Warrior" as a pejorative term for those I disagree with. Beyond that, I have no opinion.

Oh wait, I too think that a person has to have done more than play a video game once a week to deserve the classification "Gamer," but that's sample methodology for you.

Those who have been around may remember me yelling at a bunch of the participants in this thread and calling them "stooges of imperialism." I am not in the least bit sorry.

I never denied it, Doodles!

(Yes, this is how I dot threads.)

Quark Blast wrote:

By law, anyone can vote regardless of ability to hear and understand the issues on the ballot.

Were there other changes in voting rights in the 60s, I'm not thinking of?

Or is this just general hippy-bashing? What are you talking about?

Well, that is why m'lord Dice won't recognize democracy, rather than plutocracy, as the sanctioned system of government within the bounds of Demesne Dice: The lower classes always vote for the wrong people! And until they can learn to vote the right way, that just undermines the whole system.

But Andrew, you do understand that "plenty left over to can" is such a work intensive proposition that the system you're espousing results in feudalism, right? Cause M'lord Dice and other such masters of industry grok that junk in technicolor.

thejeff wrote:

Andrew R wrote:

Also having things taken from you is theft, being told how you can use other peoples things doesn't even resemble theft

But you don't want just "being told how you can use other people's things", but if you take government money, they get to control even your money.

Those working full time, but needing some food stamps to get by. You don't want them to be able to spend the money they earn as they wish. You think government knows better.

if you "need foodstamps to get by" how can you afford booze and smokes to begin with?

I couldn't even begin to figure this one out, so I, with my scarred back and urine clogged lungs, repeated the question to m'lord Dice. He said, "My God, Dicey, was that some sort of right-wing, capitalist Zen koan? I may have hope for you yet!"

M'lord Dice said that a system that denies services to those who legitimately require assistance because some cheat the system isn't fulfilling the basic functions of government. He also said that if you think the requirements for, and oversight of, welfare aren't stringent enough, you're actually in favor of bigger government, not lower taxes.

Of course, this was while he was forcing my head into a barrel containing the collected contents of every chamber pot in Manse Dice (if you think water-boarding is bad, just try being urine-boarded), after he had pelted me with rotten vegetables and worked me over with a cat-o-nine tails, so I may have misheard him, or simply been delirious.

I don't know about any of that; I'm not political. I do know that Outside of the Inside is m'lord Dice's favorite song ever. When he heard it, the tears ran down his cheeks, and he sobbed, "Finally, somebody gets me!"

In the version I'm familiar with, everyone just kept saying "Yes, your majesty, that's a wonderful set of clothes you've got there."

Doodles, I didn't even do anything aside keep from myself occupied and go outside when I was told to. All I know is, it was real quiet carriage ride back Manse Dice, and when we got there m'lord Dice said, "Well, Dicey, I may not be able to evict you, but I can do this."

He put me in the pillory, had the kitchen staff gather all the rotten vegetables they could find and threw them at me himself, and he's not the type of guy to get his hand dirty unless he's feeling really emotional. When he was done, I saw he had all the hall-boys lining up with the chamber pots, and I yelled, "You can't, in a pre-industrial world like this one, urine's a commodity you can sell to the tannery guild; Think of the money you're losing!"

"Oh don't you worry," he said. "I certainly plan to tan one hide today."

So if I had to guess, I'd say it was pretty disappointing council meeting.

I was going to fling poo at Lord Dice, but instead, I decided to link one of my all-time favorite moral philosophers.

You did fling poo, dude, and it splattered all across m'lord Dice's face. I was all like, "M'lord and master, let me get you a napkin."

But he said, "Oh Dicey, don't trouble yourself," and he picked me up and wiped his face off with my housecoat before I could actually take the thing off and offer it to him in place of napkin!

Doodlebug, you have literally besmirched me!

I asked Doodles that exact question, and he just shot me right then and was all, "That was your re-education."

[Types a four-letter word, followed by a three-letter word]

Gobbo revolution's gonna getcha, Humual!

Oh, I know, were the words "love you?"

I don't know what to tell you, Doodles. Sometimes the world is just an awful, awful place; even m'lord Dice was aghast, but sometimes it's too late to save anyone by the time it's hit the airwaves.

<crawls past the picket line>

Noooooooo ... gonna get that job ... just can't carry heavy loads now ...

Scabby, m'lord Dice would like very much to hire you as . . . wait, you can't carry heavy loads because you've been kneecapped? Well. He'll probably want to hire your relatives, provided they hold your views on unions, so that'll be at least a little money coming into the household.

Just, be warned, m'lord Dice takes a dim view of shirkers, so don't let him see you while you can't work. Also, don't hide under the veranda during your convalescence; he knows about the crawlspace, and if thinks you're down there he'll set his dogs on you and you'll just end up back at work all covered in bite marks. Trust me, it's just worth it to go back to work with half healed kneecaps the first time he finds you.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

BigDTBone wrote:

Well then... That would be my bad. On the cell phone so no mouse over :(

Welcome to the OTD, BDTB! It's a fun and welcoming place, but you have to be on the look-out for some of its more, um, colorful characters.

For example, Grand Magus (and all of his/her various avatars) who likes to make threads suggesting that the average person is much less intelligent than him/her and has a wonderfully charming habit of ending his/her posts with "Hooray for Public School!"

Then, there is this communist goblin whom we can't get rid of, no matter how much we ignore him, who likes to post links about striking proletarians and loves to yell out slogans, like,

Organize the Unorganized!
For $15/hr and a Union!
Vive le Galt!

There are gossips that goblin has some amount of troll blood somewhere in him but we hadn't confirmed if he bites (which would explain troll blood).

We may not have confirmed if he bites, but he slaps you an awful lot if you manage to work your way out of the goblin kennels to a position with the house staff . . . :(

I just got a rainbow wheel (one with NBC peacock-tail wedges; nice!) which lasted so long that I never actually watched the the story, so all I can talk about is the headline. But I agree with that headline.

M'lord Dice refuses to even acknowledge the possibility of redistribution of wealth, and while I as a stooge of the plutocracy, certainly can't endorse revolution, I will say this: socialist is no longer such a dirty word. For instance, if I was in the goblin kennels ladling out slops, and I heard two goblins discussing socialism, I would wait to hear what they thought of it, instead of just reporting them right off the bat.

Willing stooges, Doodles, willing stooges.

In fact, Doodlebug-tono, I too am "one who serves."

Doodles, have you seen The Lives of Others? There's no full on state sanctioned execution, but it is a story about art and individuality vs the fascist state with a (somewhat) happy ending.

What's this have to do with gender roles in modern culture? Absolutely dick!

Indeed, Darst (nice avatar, btw), if your character is an over the top, freewheelin' extrovert, that's just good role-playing. I guess I'm saying a prima donna character is a whole 'nother animal from a prima donna player.

All of the pillows in my attic garret are entirely unstained.

Hm? No, I don't know what the word "gelded" means, or understand why the term is germane to our conversation.

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

we were still victimized by some thief who strolled through our campsite and stole my beer, my iPod, The Chronicles of Corum...

Admit it, you were so overwhelmed by the pressure to finish this volume that you engineered the theft yourself, doubtless by bribing some other wretched goblin to do the dirty work in exchange for said beer.

...Hic!

It's probably worth noting that with one exception, all the major hobbit characters we see are among the shire's wealthy elite. Of course they have full larders. They can afford to pay whatever they need to for whatever they want, essentially in perpetuity. Completely aside Bilbo's share of the dragon horde, they surely had ample rents to supplement their family fortunes and secure for themselves a lifestyle much like that of, say, the British aristocracy.

We don't see the Shire farmers on the razor's edge of starvation, one famine away from deciding if their children are family or food, because such people simply don't matter to people of Frodo's class unless they're pet servants like Sam. Otherwise, they're just furniture. Maybe in bad years Frodo would toss a few scraps their way, but entirely to assuage his own conscience rather than strictly for their benefit. He's a big man, after all.

Which isn't far off from how the wealthy often view the less fortunate in any era.

What about pet servants now?

If my butt's already big, do I get a pass on the racism?

People only mention a drug induced haze after Doodlebug has left the thread for the day? Talk about a missed opportunity!

(Bubble, bubble, bubble...)

That's three, Doodlebug!

M'lord Dice And I agree that it was, in fact, too much, but m'lady Dice said something about how "it should be enough to destroy the establishment from the inside." M'lord dice looked miffed, but I just smiled and tried my best to maintain my quiet dignity.

Dicey the House Goblin wrote:

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

What am I saying now, Dicey?

[Smack]

Well, I can't read, So I took your note to m'lord Dice, and asked him to read it. He glanced at at, and then he asked me for his reading glasses. I gave them to him, and he read your note.

And then he said ,"The line is, How you like me now?" and hit me with his shoe, again and again, and then yet again. And now I'm down in the scullery, scrubbing out pots and pans. I don't even know what I did, but take it from this goblin: Literacy hurts!

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

These jobs that pay a king's ransom nationally, they apparently pay less and less the closer they get to you.

Still not getting your point.

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

Recap

It sounds like your players want to be, I don't know, Kapos or something. You should turn it into a social game with a lot of alignment issues, I guess? (That's the sort of junk I live for.)

Freehold DM wrote:

Paypal seems a bit far fetched, but may be I'm not getting something.

I guess what you're not getting is that just because I link something doesn't mean I think it's the same thing. Sometimes, I am just flipping through the internet and I find articles and I think, "Ooh!, I wonder if anyone on Paizo's seen this?"

So, we're talking about the AP scandal and Wikileaks obviously comes up, and I'm flipping through the internet and I find an article on the Paypal 14 and I think to myself, "Hmmm, I remember that, I wonder if anyone else on Paizo's seen that?" and I link it.

No conspiracy needed.

Btw, I have no opinion on what the Paypal 14 did or are alleged to have done because I don't understand what they did or are alleged to have done. I'll let the IT nerds duke that one out.

So you're just linking nonsense? Exactly what I'd expect from a goblin! *sniff*

Doodlebug, this is entirely the wrong thread for it (there's no right thread goblins such as ourselves), but have you watched I, Claudius? It was produced by the BBC in the mid to late seventies.

I only ask because I know you like Rome, the HBO series, and I, Claudius has at least two characters in common. You can probably get some version at your local library, but RI public television has been showing it thursday night at 10.

No, it's not ready for prime time; Yes, I watched back when I was pre-pubescent.

[Peeks back in]

I will lend you a little goblin credibility, but only if you're polite in front of other goblins. :P

I may well get chastised for asking, but do you think there's room between pro-gay and pro-straight? Speaking for myself, I never saw it as a us-or-them situation.

You're next, Dice! After Terquem and all you other pig-dogs!

Huh? What, Comrade Gnomunist? Oh.

Uh, nevermind, Dice, Terquem, everybody, nothing to worry about. You can all go back to yelling at dear Sissyl. Nothing to see here.

It's too late, Doodlebug; I named names.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Racists and plutocrats, you will all pay!!!

Except for Comrade Gnomunist who is quite correct that there are no copyright laws on the collective but here in the belly of the beast, in the words of Tracy Marrow,

I gotta get paid tonight, you're motherf@#+ing right
think of my grip, check my biznitch, keep my game tight.

Vive le Galt!

PENSIVE SIGH

REGIME THINKS YOU ARE IN THE CORRECT

COMRADE ANKLEBITER'S PLAN FOR INSIDER COLLAPSE OF PIG-DOG SYSTEM IS A GO

BUT KEEP SECRET. WE HAVE NICE-PERSON OUTSIDER IMAGE TO MAINTAIN

That's how I started out, but then m'lord Dice started feeding me his table scraps and letting me sleep on the hearth, and I was all, "Of course I want to be a stooge of the plutocracy, sleeping inside beats the hell out of the goblin-kennels."

Both Doodlebug and m'lord Dice want me to redeem myself through labor, but Doodlebug wants to give my earnings to the needy, whereas m'lord Dice gives me sips of his wine when he's feeling jolly. What would you do?

I think all you pinkskins suck, even if your skin isn't pink.

Green pride!

Look, Doodlebug, if you've got something to say to me, you can just go ahead ahead and say it to my face, instead of trying to be subtle. . .

FAWTL Refugees: Corrupting the morality of the youth since 2011.

Late start, dude, late start.

BigNorseWolf wrote:

bugleyman wrote:

Libertardian?

Come on, I wanna play too!

The only way to win is not to play.

How about a nice game of chess?

Where you sacrifice "pawns" to protect your king?

More plutocratic crap.

Vive le Galt!

One time I was watching m'lord and m'lady Dice play chess, and I said "If there are so many pawns, how did the king get to be the most powerful piece?"

M'lord Dice laughed and laughed, until m'lady Dice pointed out that the Queen was the most powerful piece. She started to explain what happens when a pawn reaches the opposite side of the board, but m'lord Dice sent me to get more crackers right then.

I never did get an answer to my question. :(