Chortles's page

day job: prof oratory: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (11) + 13 = 24

I vote continue!

"Good enough for me. Tally-ho!"

"This is the tomb of the great Honacker Mojamick! He ate peanut butter sandwiches until he died! Amazing tale! Where should I begin..." Chortles scratches his head, "AH! The beginning. See, there once was an elephant..." Chortles drops in to chant and song as he relates the harrowing tale as he pokes around the chamber for a clue to opening the crypt.

search: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (16) - 1 = 15

Chortles chuckles with Osiris and casts detect magic on the room.

"Congratulations on being the first smart people we've met! Not only do you get to keep your lives, but you also get to spread the word that you are alive!" Chortles pats one of them heartily on the back. "Just stay away from any soup that large womanish thing over there tries to serve you," he points at the woman-hulk bashing in doors as he follows to the last room.

"Certified in Tree and Stone removing personally!" Chortles chimes in with a strum of his axe as he waits to see what prize is lurking behind the next door.

Chortles follows Osiris, singing a ditty about the pros and cons of being a mummy.

Chortles exams the dripping nose piece to discover what the fluid is.

knowledge (?): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (16) + 8 = 24

"You sure you want this dripping on you Osiris? It may be Stonelings nasal discharge."

He then heads to the West door to let Stone Tree blunder through it.

Chortles leans on his bow, ignoring the cracking of the ancient wood, and addresses the bandit, "Your wiser friends all scurried upstairs. You should probably join them."

"Stoner, they touch you? Shall we continue on?"

"Welcome back, Osiris! Missed you on that one," Chortles winks and swaps his bow for an axe.

"Have I told you guys the story of the mushroom queen and her entourage of dwarf mannequins?"

Let's try the door in the south west corner pointing east.

Chortles fumbles his bow in shock, "Well I'll be! This thing actual does work!" He loosens the string a little more to make sure it's ready and grabs the next arrow from his sheaf, ignoring how much of a bow the arrow has in it. "You'd better duck, Mr Sapling!"

bow attack @ previous target: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (15) + 7 = 22 for damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2

Chortles sighs, "Always involved in freeing your sorry carcass from the snares of villainy and the clutches of death himself."
He trudges to the corner, untangling his bow on the way and checking how loose the string had gotten. He finds an arrow that appears to be missing only one fletching, and fires it at the back of the charging Tree.

bow attack @ further bandit: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (17) + 7 = 24 for damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Chortles grimaces at the thought of Stone Tree's cooking, "Last time you cooked, I couldn't see straight for a week."

fort save: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22

He shouts down the hall, "The only weapons we carry are song and companionship. Surely you do not wish to disarm us of such amiable possessions!"

delay until after stone tree to make sure he takes a beating

"Forward March!"

"Yo momma's so ugly, she made an onion cry." /minor 3rd chord/ "Yo momma so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back." /dissonant 7th/ "Yo Mama's cooking is so bad, the homeless give it back. /major 5th diminished/

Chortles has a hard time keeping up with the party amid his gasping fits of laughter.

Chortles grins and continues strumming on his Axe as he walks down to the south door.

"Now, friends, take a second before we rush in to something we will all regret," Chortles brings up his Axe and waves a hand with a flourish. "I am here to provide some entertainment for your meal, thanks to your commander and chief herself."

Chortles strums a note and puts on a merry face as he steps in to the room, "Let me tell you the tale of a young tree-like man that lost all he had and won it all back again using only his keen sense of incivility."

versatile performance - bluff: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (9) + 13 = 22

Chortles sings as he walks through the kitchen, sniffing at bags of what surely was rotten goods.

"Seems they have your taste for eating excrement, Tree Boy," Chortles guffaws. "Osiris, what about grabbing a bag of that mold over there for Sapling's dinner." Chortles doubles over and almost drops his axe.

Recovering, he casts detect magic to see if anything in the room is worth investigating and heads to the South East door.

Chortles follows StoneTree to the next door, strumming a little ditty, "'Twas not yet yesteryear when our fair maiden laid an egg. And to his surprise, the father in disguise, jumped off a nearby bridge!" Chortles laughs uncontrollably, in his wheezy mirthful fashion.

Chortles frees the animals, "No use letting them starve to death here."

Chortles waves at the two men, "Well, be safe. If you want to join us, you're welcome to your share of the loot. Otherwise, please kindly find a wise path out of this place."

Chortles strums his Axe and heads to the South East door.

"Well played, my dear fellows. You truly gave us a run, but I am thoroughly gladdened that you came to your senses. Now, please toss your weapons over this way and we can avoid any further destruction." Chortles puts away his bow and draws his Axe, motioning with it for them to toss their weapons away from themselves.

"My name, as I am known throughout this part of the world, is proclaimed by kings and commoners alike. There's not a tale that hasn't passed these lips nor fair maiden. Why, even that large mound of human flesh over there... Yes, the one picking his teeth with a knife, can commend my every deed. So fear not, you are in good hands." Chortles flashes a brilliant smile and waits for the weapons to be delivered.

"Now, I hear that you have fallen in to a bad lot. And who can blame you, when the money is right? But now that you are on the right side of the tracks maybe you can help us out a little? See, we heard something about a certain person named Klarkosh that might be a cause of contention and would like to do something about it. You have anything that might point us in the right direction?"

That's more like it! lol

Chortles smiles proudly and swings his bow like a scepter as his arrow ends the creature's life, "Never say I don't do anything, Mr Rock."

Chortles grins as he flexes his mended arm, "Now we shall finish this combat!"

He unslings his bow, sings out "Watch out Rock Man", and lets fly a shaft of death at the cobra.

bow attack: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (18) + 7 = 25 for damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Woah! That might actually be a hit?

"GAWK! I'm hit!!! Stone tree, you buffoon, you didn't block that!" Chortles screeches in agony, holding his shoulder. "I shall never be able to perform again! The world will never feel joy, nor sadness, nor maddening lust, nor the relief of a tale completed..." Blood oozes around the shaft.

Chortles closes his eyes, grits his oddly caninish teeth, pushes the arrow through, and snaps off the arrow. His eyes dilate madly as the pain overcomes him.

"I am done. Continue without me. I go to the darkness." Gasping breaths, he drops to his knees, closes his eyes, and rubs the hole in his clothes as he chants a song of prayer.

cure light wounds: 1d8 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7

"AH HA! Now this is the way to enter a battle! I love the pizzaz, the color, the flair. Stoner, you should work on your showmanship. Sure, you bloodied a few noses, but this man has shown us how to really work the stage!"

Chortles takes a moment to envy the new comer's savoir faire before slinging a grase ball at him.

Grease on 10X10 squares containing the snake and the magic user.

Chortles frowns and does not release his bats, "You always have this effect on women, Mr Stone?"

Delay until someone takes damage and then tap them with a wand of cure light wounds
wand clw: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (7) + 1 = 8

Chortles casts a swarm of bats behind the lady in the door.

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/animals/bat/bat-swarm

Chortles prepares to summon a swam of bats behind whoever is at the door.

"And... your grandma is here," He chides Stone Tree.

Chortles yell back so the lady can hear, "Dragos, put your clothes back on! We have guests!"

Chortles inspires confidence in StoneTree's ability to dash a non-animate target, "Your grandma could hit harder than that! I should know, for she chased me from her house that night I was with your sister!" Chortles chuckles long and hard as he experiments knew chord structures on his Axe.

Inspire Competence: +2 to check

"This particular water closet is the once great armoire of the noble grand master of StaulenTown. A once great city nestled in the back hills of Old Shiren. He stole from the rich and gave to the poor until he discovered that the poor were now the rich and the rich hunted him down and fed him to a local band of cannibals."

Chortles plays a little interlude ditty on his Axe to keep his audience enraptured.

"Rumor has it that his chest contains the secret to his looting. AND! This very warddrobe has a magical aura of the grand master's favorite school of magic! Conjuration! We must see what is in this box!"

Chortles steps back, giving the big man-monster room to punch a hole in the side of the box.

Chortles casts detect magic on it to see if it's worth breaking in to.

"... and that's why you never pinch your neighbor's ass!" Chortles chuckles as his fingers play a little ditty on his Axe.

Looking up, he sees Tree's door open and goes to take a peek.

perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (18) - 1 = 17

"I've done my share of fishing in life," Chortles agrees with Dragos, "caught all sorts of ladies and insults."

Chortles prepares to recant his life with the aid of his Axe while searching the lake and continuing South.

perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

"I strongly suggest turning down his offerings of 'food'." Chortles mutters to the lady.

He strums one last chord, and puts his Axe away, "Well, on to the next adventure, my friends." and walks towards the doors in the South East.

Chortles ignores her mace and continues his fanfare, "Are specialization in mysteries also covers the mysteries of preserving the fairer sex. Our mission is to aid your glorious cause in whatever way we can."

Chortles pauses, winks, and continues, "I have heard of this Splinter. He controlled a gang of four who ran the underground and destroyed the mighty Shredder. May we join your cause and rid the evil Klarkosh?"

Sense Motive to see if she is evil?
sense motive: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

Does Chortles recognize either the Splinters or Klarkosh?
knowledge (arcana): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23
knowledge (dungeoneering): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28
knowledge (history): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (4) + 8 = 12
knowledge (local): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (2) + 8 = 10
knowledge (nobility): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (16) + 8 = 24
knowledge (religion): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (8) + 8 = 16

uhh.... maybe more like a truth check? lol. Chortles has Versatile Performance and can use his Perform (Act) check (+13) in place of bluff/disguise. So the roll in the post would be his bluff check. Sorry I didn't spell that out better.

Chortles slashes at the air with his axe as he fells the giant spider and shouts a victory ostinato!

Chortles mutters under his breath to Stonetree, "Would've worked if you weren't so blasted bloated! Ripped all our goods with your gut!"

Chortles bows low to the woman with a flourish of his hat, "Gracious lady, my friends and I have been absconded and abandoned in this abysmal darkness. We are seeking aid and to aid any we find. Please point us in the direction of greatest need and we will perform to our best."

Chortles untethers his Axe and strums a note.

"My colleagues are the insatiable Dragos and his business partner Tarantio who have capitulated the largest monetary take overs known to this region. Never a finer pair you will find. The great and powerful Osiris Neter-iry, who single handedly stopped the revolts and pillaging of the greatest empire known to man. And lastly is this lump of withering inhumanity." Chortles points to the lump of withering inhumanity.

"I am the utterly humble and unobtrusive Susanoo-no-Mikoto of the Kitsune villages of the high lands. I come from far distance to be here today solely for your entertainment. Let me detail to you the journey and hardships so that we can more strongly begin a friendship that will never burn out."

Again Chortles strums a note of love and unity.

"Open your ears! and unblind your eyes! For I will now tell you the tale of our journeys through goblin infested towers, and trap laden paths that led us to the presence of you, our fair maiden in distress..."

Chortles launches in to the greatest performance of the day, detailing the great spiders and other atrocities the party has encountered, plying his trade to make a friend of a stranger.

perform: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (11) + 13 = 24

Chortles continues singing:
Bravely bold Sir Tree
Rode forth to the door.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Tree.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Tree.

low-light vision and a torch

Chortles continues his Detect Magic on the room to check for areas of concern and loot.

"I haven't seen a door opened so well in a long time! Bravo good chap!" Chortles slaps The Tree heartily on the back. "Reminds me of the story of the Hairy Chicken Leg Soup.."

Chortles strums his Axe, "Dragos, you couldn't have put it better. Once you've learned your calling in life you have no other choice but to be the best at it that you can be."

"No smell can be as bad as you, Stoneree. When was the last time you bathed?"

Chortles casts detect magic on the statue to see if there is anything of interest that the trap may be guarding.

Chortles throws his bow across his shoulder, not noticing the frayed looseness of its string. "Well done, friends! This reminds me of the tail of the brash donkey and the wounded lass." Chortles dives in to a promising story of a donkey breaking through barn doors, yet falling pray to the wiles of the lass.

He strides towards the North East door as his story concludes.

Chortles untangles his gear as he rushes forward. Once his bow is restrung and an arrow unsnagged from his armor, he shouts, "You may want to duck!" and fires a shaft in to Stone Tree's man.

bow attack: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (1) + 7 = 8 for damage: 1d6 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Swarm on stone tree? What's to be careful about?! HA! Ooo, didn't notice that the swarm lasts 2 rounds past when you stop concentrating on it...

"Well done big man! All you needed was a little encouragement!" Chortles dances a little jig as he continues to strum a gallantly inspiring tune.

What about a Summon Swarm of bats to attack the arrow slot instead?

Chortles is a little frustrated that the door hasn't buckled. He takes a few steps back out of range, untethers his Axe, and begins inspiring the door breakers to greater effectiveness, "Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door..."

Inspire Courage: +1 charm/fear; +1 attack/damage

Chortles casts Grease in to one of the arrow slots hoping to make the archers' weapons too hard to hold.

Reflex save DC 15

As he sings, he moves towards the northern door to open it and quickly step back for StoneRoot to take the damage.

Stone tree has also moved to the north door on the map, so I think we've got the two votes to move to the north.

Day Job:
profession actor: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (11) + 13 = 24

"What fun we will have!" Chortles swooshes in, making sure to steal the conversation. "We have conquered the ever tainted layer of traps and spider! We have defeated the great monster goblin! We have solved mysteries beyond compare!"

Chortles lowers his voice for effect, "Now we truly will prove our worth! This place can not stop us. We will prevail!"

perform: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (15) + 13 = 28

He He pulls out his "axe" and begins a power ballad about about a forlorn prince running from an irate mother in law.

As he sings, he moves towards the northern door to open it and quickly step back for StoneRoot to take the damage.