Bloody Evil Bastard's page

Handke Animal or Ride check. Since these are supposed to be domesticated animals, you can do Handle Animal untrained. Personally, I have my doubts about the training on horses and have heard camels are even worse…

I have heard camels are worse than horses as well...

Anyone have a flying carpet?

**HAAAUK-SPITOOEY**

spit (ranged touch): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13

Bloody Evil Bastard considers.

Adjust for wind, and acceleration.

**HWAUK-SPITTOOEY!!**

Meanwhile, around the corner of the building, the Bloody Evil Bastard's mind furiously crunches the numbers to determine the optimum trajectory for the payload it has in his mouth.

y = h\ -\ 4.9\cdot\left(\frac{x}{v\cdot\cos\left(A\cdot\frac{\pi}{180}\right)}\right) ^{2}\ +\tan\left(A\cdot\frac{\pi}{180}\right)\cdot x\ \left\{x\ge0\right\}

Meanwhile.

Outside, sits the dazed "horse" with a growing lump on its head.

And if I haven't said it before: *BRAY!*

"[BRAAAAY!!]"

The camel runs the numbers on the outcome of the battle again in the sand.

A camel watches with moderate disinterest from the hallway slowly chewing the food that was left with him outside. Part of the camel's brain is working out the party's chances of survival given that most of the group originally sent here were finesse fighters with pokey weapons and no ability to power attack and that half the monsters encountered in the dungeon have hardness or DR.

She is told by the handler that to get it to go she should yell at it and hit it with a stick. If she wants it to go faster she should yell some more and hit it harder. Then to stop it she should hit it with a stick and yell at it. He demonstrates.

"You Bloody Evil Bastard!" the man shouts.

The camel turns to look at them and then hock a gob into Apollyanna's face.

Bloody Evil Bastard notes the presence of a fat blow fly 15 yards out. He adjusts for wind, and fires.

"Ha! How accurate is that 'cannon' of yours, Oloch?" A lithe half-elf dressed in a chain shirt steps forward. Her ease of motion evinces a strong sense of kinesthesia, but belies a lifetime of training resulting from a lifetime on a ship. She has a warm, sincere smile.

Random target of random camel aggression - 1) Jirelle, 2) Oloch, 3) Apolllyanna: 1d3 ⇒ 1

Using the quadratic equation, his intimate knowledge of parabolas and arcs of fire, as well as his strong sense of narrative irony, Bloody Evil Bastard takes aim and fires.

camel spit v Jirelle (ranged touch): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18

**ptooey**

Followed closely by the braying sound of camel laughter.

Using his newly attained mythic power Bloody Evil Bastard completes the final calculations necessary to ascend to demigod status and does so in a spectacular burst of light that can be seen spreading along the horizon from the party's position.

"Brrrah!"

Ages from now, Bloody Evil Bastard is depicted as a camel-headed, toga-wearing humanoid holding an abacus and measuring rod. The toga of course has a pocket protector.

In that distant time, men shall look upon his effigies and the holy tax collectors and inquisitorial auditors of his church and cry out one: "BLOODY EVIL BASTARD!"

And Bloody Evil Bastard will think: Good! Those human buggers deserve it.

For a chase? Like this

[ooc]Otherwise check the chronicle sheets we received at the end of the last scenario, here.

"Its a bit murky down here"

"These pillars look a little unsteady one good push and you could bring the place down. Don't touch em"

She then turns to see if that camel is following

spit v Omrijka (range touch): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (16) + 3 = 19

Fort save DC 13 or be sickened for 1d4 ⇒ 3 rounds before we go in.

"BRAAH!"

Fort save (endurance): 1d20 + 5 + 4 ⇒ (12) + 5 + 4 = 21
Fort save (endurance): 1d20 + 5 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 5 + 4 = 11

Meanwhile outside.

Bloody Evil Bastard contemplates the effects of local moisture upon the Bagnold formula, and how he might compensate for it in his calculations.

Meanwhile, outside.

A disheveled man rushes out of the desert wilds, and asks Bloody Evil Bastard "Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of the Sebouillia. Are you the Gatekeeper?"

Bloody Evil Bastard carefully weighs his response, in light of an old, oft-repeated desert proverb.

Chances of success = < 0.

... sin²A + sin²B = 1.

*Condescending camel sigh*

Str. check: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18

....

"BRRRAAA!!" Brays Bloody Evil Bastard.

Bloody Evil Bastard calculates the acceleration, and vectors of the three gnolls over the sand, as well as the relative strength of saddle friction vs. centripetal fores should he bolt out from under Apollyanna.