We B4 Goblins (Inactive)

Game Master Tyranius

"And now Poog avatar of CAKE!!! bellows our excitable goblin as he dives for the wedding cake, to baste in all it's frosted goodness.

Moggy wasn't letting those two losers have all the cake, so he grabs a huge section, throws off his kettle, and starts chomping away happily, even pushing a handful through the cage so that his toad could enjoy the sweet confection. "Good cake, pet toad!"

Between their wedding attire and gifts, Winnius and Wellma have a halfling-sized corset and bridal veil, a black vest, a bow tie, a child’s doll, 18 cloth diapers, four jars of moonshine, a bottle of perfume (tastes like flowers), a sewing kit, six shiny white buttons, a fine kitchen knife (counts as a masterwork dagger), and two gold rings worth 25 gp each.

Loaded with sugar, the wedding cake itself is perhaps the greatest treasure of all. Each of the goblins takes handful after handful of the cake and instantly feels the rush of pure sugar course through their bodies. With this much sugar the goblin tribe could take over all of Absalom.

Haste minutes: 2d6 ⇒ (4, 2) = 6

You are now under the effects of haste for 6 minutes

You have the Farmhouse, Boathouse and Outhouse left to explore.

Moggy wasn't sure what the corset and veil were, but they looked cool. He put both on, and tightly squeezed the veil over his kettle as he put both on. He chugged the bottle of perfume and took off running straight for the Farmhouse. "Come on dummy goblins! Maybe more cake to eat! And more hairy halflings to kill!". He was zooming over the grounds like an excited awful evil dog.

Chuffy grabs the shiny knife and the shiny buttons and runs off after Moggy to the farmhouse.

The sugar rush haste effect is possibly the best thing I've ever seen written into any D&D scenario, ever.

Reta dives head first into the cake, eating as much as she can before it's gone. She takes a pull from one of the moonshine bottles, and points out the rest to Moggy.

Moggy--this burn good? The thought holds her attention for a moment before she takes the child's doll, rips the head off, puts a gold ring on each finger, and sprints after the others.

Good catch, Reta. I was so excited by the funny stuff that I missed the moonshine. DM, mind if I retcon a bit and say I grabbed them?

Poog, reluctantly tears himself away from the cake. He begins to follow his goblin companions but stops at the very last second, dashes back towards the cake and pockets huge fistfuls which he stuffs in his loincloth, then snatchign the bow tie off of the groom to delicately "tie" around his own neck.

"Poog have moist snack for later, and looks dashing! Now where is stoopid Moggy going? MOGMURCH! ARE WE SLAUGHTERING FARM ANIMALS NOW???" before jumping down and following the bomb-throwing maniac as fast as his little legs and cake will allow.

Yup that is fine and very gobliny :)

The small group of goblins dash through the chaos and mayhem as they make way for the farmhouse. The walls of this farmhouse are flimsy and with few valuables. Though just as you open doors further in you find a mean old woman wielding a deadly looking frying pan. Her little terrier yaps and snarls from in between her legs.

Lottie readies her masive frying pan for any goblins that come close to her.

Round 1
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Lottie
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Mog
Poog
Chuffy
Reta
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Mitzen (Dog)
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"Bad doggie... shut up!" He hurls a dart at the dog.

to hit: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 4 = 17
dmg if hits: 1d3 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Reta advances with a sugar-induced speed, striking at the old woman.

attack old lady with reach, haste: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 2 + 1 = 21

damage: 1d8 ⇒ 4

Moggy, inspired by his sugar induced haze, charges right toward the woman and swings his club.

Attack 1d20 - 1 + 1 ⇒ (14) - 1 + 1 = 14

Damage 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

"THE AVATAR OF LIFE AND DEATH STRIKE AGAIN!!!" cries out Poog who goes up to the EEeeEEEvil dog to strike a blow for all goblinkind!

For Zarungel!: 1d20 - 1 + 1 ⇒ (18) - 1 + 1 = 18
Damage: 1d6 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

Mog charges the woman and smacks her with his club. Poog strikes out at the most evil creature in all of existence. his blade nearly severs on of the creature's legs as it yips in pain.

Chuffy tries to get the dog to shut up as he hurls a dart into its neck. Reta makes haste and slams her dogslicer into the woman's hip.

Mitzen bites at Poog.

Bite vs Poog AC 14: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 = 17
Damage: 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

The little dog leaps at Poog's throat and tears it open.

Lottie movs closer and begins to swing her pan wildly at Reta.

Frying Pan vs Reta AC 14: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 2 = 7

Reta ducks under the swing, avoiding the blow.

Round 2
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Lottie (-4)
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Mog
Poog (-2/5)
Chuffy
Reta
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Mitzen (Dog) (-3)
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Moggy again swings his club, cackling with glee as he did so, his veil billowing in the breeze.

Attack 1d20 - 1 + 1 ⇒ (13) - 1 + 1 = 13

Damage 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

Chuffy moves up and attacks the girl with his brand new shiny cake-cutting knife.

to hit: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 = 20
dmg if hits: 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Poog! You weren't supposed to die first! Reta steps back to enable the full reach of her blade, hacking at the woman again and again.

5 ft step back

First attack vs old lady with reach, haste: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 2 + 1 = 7

damage: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Second attack (hasted) vs old lady with reach, haste: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (20) + 2 + 1 = 23

damage: 1d8 ⇒ 3

Second attack crit confirm: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 2 + 1 = 7

crit damage: 2d8 ⇒ (3, 7) = 10

Moggy forgot his haste attack, so if the lady is still standing he will swing his club at her.

Attack 1d20 ⇒ 12

Damage 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Chuffy forgot his haste attack too...

to hit: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (6) + 4 = 10
dmg if hits: 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

nvm, lol

Happy Beat badge GO!

And while it looks like the ferocius beast in fact has devoured Zarungel's beloved, nay, his greatest disciple Ever (TM), Poog instead bounces away, mostly unharmed.

"I meant to do that! Poog is awesomest!" he exclaims, before courageously retreating next to Chuffee. "Poog decide Avatar of Life is pretty demanding job and I should focus my efforts on meeting our quarterly targets."

Full withdraw action.

Mog's veil swings easily in the breeze as the goblins pummel the life from the woman and what remains of her dog. Ac was only 10

The pair lie wounded and bleeding on the floor of the cabin. Her skillet rolls from her hand and lies still on the floor as the majority of her bones are left broken and mangled.

Chuffee considers grabbing the skillet but decides to pass...

Poog grabs ahold of the skillet, brandishing it high: "BEHOLD THE SKILLET OF SEARING AND BREAKFAST!!! OhohohOH! It's still warm! Who wants it!"

"And now, let us go forth to the house with the giant boats! We will take them and begin building a great Licktoad fleet!"

"Poog, when goblins am done, should put dog in pan and fry dog up. Eat dog, and take dog evil power. Make goblins strong!" If there is anything flammable near the woman, Moggy will empty a jar of moonshine and strike a flame, setting everything in the area ablaze.

"Poog never have hadded dog before. Wonder what it taste like."

The goblins quickly jimmy the door open to the boathouse and find it to be empty. Inside are four hammers, three daggers, twelve sacks of millet, a bucket of flammable tar, and six barrels of terrible quality corn whiskey (That doesn't taste like corn at all.)

Moving onto the last spot at the outhouse. The small chamber provides no treasure for the goblins at all though it may serve as a good hiding spot if they so choose.

The goblin raid was a success as the entire wedding party is killed and the many buildings ruined and on fire. The young additions to the tribe earn a solid reputation and guarantee their importance for many ears to come.

With Corpule Gnaders killed Sandpoint doesn't think to investigate the farm for days, giving the Licktoads time to loot anything they like as they come down from their several days worth of sugar rush. Slaying Lottie's vile dog the new members of the tribe are honored with special chairs next to (but not quite as tall as) Chief Gutwad's.

As part of their celebration the four new goblin heroes essentially train into their new heroic classes as they are now on their way to becoming goblin heroes and infamous legends in their own right.

The young piglet eagerly follows the goblin tribe home once the raid is over. The brave piglet is placed in a small pen and newly named Squealy Nord!

That is the end of the scenario. Feel free to continue to roleplay it out. I will get chronicles out tomorrow. Still need Reta and Poog's information for reporting purposes and chronicles.

Moggy made sure to grab the bucket of flammable tar. It would be all the better to burn down Rempty's hut, if she didn't agree to leave him alone. He looked at all his shiny new treasures, especially fond of his new kettle helmet that in his opinion showed he had become a great goblin warrior now.

Chuffy sat on his little special chair and shook his head from time to time to jingle the bells on his jingly hat with the stuffed raven on it and cleaning his fingernails with his new shiny (cake)knife. Finally a real member of the tribe, he waggles his eyebrows suggestively at any available females, even Reta. Time to make more baby gobbos!