The Goblin Games/We Be Goblins (Inactive)

Game Master Wolfwaker

Out of bombs, Twitchy fires her crossbow at the giant frog.

Crossbow Attack: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11
Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 6

"That was a warning shot! Down! Flee! Your mistress is gone!"

Handle Animal: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (16) + 7 = 23
It's only a DC 10 to command an animal to do a trick it knows. Does it know either down or flee?

Gurp, you rolled a 1d6d6 for Squishy and still got a 1!

Hmmm, does that work on neutral or hostile animals? I suppose it has some incentive to run away anyway.

tongue: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (11) + 5 = 16

Gurp's rock bounces off without much effect, causing the frog to poke at him with its tongue, but it misses. Through some combination of accumulated injury and Twitchy's frog whispering, it seems to decide that it would be better off elsewhere, and it hops to the stern of the ship and then leaps off into a shallow pool. It seems you have cleared the ship of hostile creatures.

And now Medge will be pissed because she has a mouth full of fire and nothing to use it on!

Twitchy lands. She grabs Ronk and kisses him. Then she hugs Medge, Gurp, and Flamefinger all in turn. "We did it! Shall we explore the ship? See what Vorka has hidden for us?"

Then she looks at Ronk and takes his hand. "And afterwards, we can see if our Pirate Captain wants to make us mates!"

Even as he gets glomped, Gurp glares at the frog as it hops away. "Bah! Coward frog not as impressive as Gurp thought." He then takes his sickle out and walks over to Vorka's body. "Explore in a second. Someone help Gurp get proof of victory! Gurp's sickle too dull to get job done alone."

A big toothy grin dominates Ronks face until Gurps words and then he frowns while looking over to Vorka. Ronk will help, We must do something...

And now Medge will be pissed because she has a mouth full of fire and nothing to use it on!

Sad Medge is sad

Medge runs to the stern of the ship and looks down. Maybe the frog is still close enough to breathe fire on?

Actually, I just realized that Medge goes before Twitchy in initiative. Go for flamed frog, Medge!

Oh. Ohhhh. Fire? FIRE!

ALL THE FIRE, SUCK IT FROG: 4d6 ⇒ (5, 5, 1, 6) = 17

The frog is flambe'd, as Medge breathes flaming death on it. (Frog barbecue tonight.)

Searching Vorka's body, you find 3 potions of cure light wounds, 2 potions of barskin, and a Desnan candle firework. The rest of the ship has no more dangers, you find lots of bones including goblin ones, and some creepy witchy trinkets. There are also many delicately crafted items made of fine pottery depicting long wiggly dragons, humans of an unfamiliar culture (Dragon Empires), and other animals like big stripy cats. You probably can't recognize the writing, but it looks even stranger than the letters Scribbleface wrote, with detailed characters like little pictures.

The gems and carvings are obviously worth something. You need a DC 20 Appraise to recognize the value of the bamboo and paper paintings (600 gp).

You also find a big heavy chest of fireworks (14 Desnan candles, 20 paper candles, 7 skyrockets) and the following items.
140 gp
a silver and jade lantern that looks like a coiled dragon (150 gp, need appraise)
12 masterwork shuriken
an ivory and gold fan depicting a gecko and cherry blossoms (80 gp but has a crude map of the swamp on the back)
a long hairpin with a pearl (150 gp)
a wand of create food and water (2 charges)
an elixir of love in a heart-shaped (50 gp) crystal vial

What next, return to the chief, or go off on your own?

Untrained Appraise: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9

Twitchy has no idea what some of this stuff is worth. She carefully unfolds the ivory and gold fan. "Think this is a menu of some sort? That gecko looks tasty!" She turns it over. "Hey, and here's the restaurant's map!"

On the other hand, the chest she exclaims over. "Look at all this boom!" She looks to the others. "Do we want to return it to Chief Fatty Face? I know that's what we set out to do, but... Wiil the Chief use these as well as we would?"

She wavers a moment, and then says, "But if we don't return, we can't set fire to Grack's house!" She turns to the others. "What do you want? Go back as heroes, set fire to Grack's house, have big party in our honor... Or set out on our own with all this cool stuff and start our own goblin tribe?"

Untrained Appraise: 1d20 ⇒ 15
Gurp doesn't now anything about the stuff, so he settles on shoving all of Vorka's witchy doodads into his pockets.

Gurp listens to Twitchy with a puzzled expression on his face. "Why we have choose one? We hide half the boom, burn house, have party, and sneak away with leftovers when they all passed out! Best of both!" Gurp make better chief than stupid Gutwad. Gurp actually listen to Gurp's advice!

Twitchy grins. "You. I like how you think! Is great plan!"

She turns to Ronk and grabs the big warrior's hand. "We're on a ship, Ronk. We got a pirate Captain. We got two other gobbo witnesses," she says, indicating Gurp and Flamefinger. "We got two animal witnesses too. More if you count Squishy's babies!"

She fishes in her pockets, and hands him her best dead rat. "Ronk, will you be my mate? Plenty of timber here for goblin cages! What do you think?"

Twitchy did promise this
With a boat and a kiss
In sight of our Gob crew
This is Our new dream come true
Change is on the rise
Here and now you are Our Prize
Yours We will always be.

Ronk stares with a look of longing at the boom thinking while the others talk. Ronk will be Hero when we bring this back! Even though we missed the Bonking...We missed. His green head moves back and forth as Twitchy and Gurp make plans. By the time Twitchy is done speaking Ronks mouth is hanging open Twitchy still wants Us? Ronks runs and jumps on Twitchy, hugging Twitchy.

Ronk's CMB beats Twitchy's CMD and she is grappled... And doesn't mind one bit. "Oh Ronk! How could I not want you? You're Twitchy's best friend and cute too!"

She kisses Ronk's hand and then stops, staring at it. The ring! The ring!

"If we go back, we have to give up the ring I gave you... And Medge's great sword that Flamefinger gave her and the vest of useful things that are also useful! And half the BOOM!"

She glances at the others. "That party and that house burning -- maybe they cost too much."

Gurp watches the affectionate display with a neutral expression, then ponders Twitchy's words for a few minutes. "Hmm. That good point." He scratches his chin before snapping his fingers. "Ha! Gurp have genius plan! Unless it go wrong. Then it not genius."

He looks around at his fellow goblin heroes with a blank look on his face. "Now, before Gurp reveals master plan, Gurp has question. Any of you actually, really, truly like big Chief Gutwad?"

Twitchy looks up at Gurp curiously. "Ol' Fatty Face? Nah, I don't like him. Who would? He mostly sits on his butt and boasts of his former glory. On the other hand... Gutwad is no fool and has just the right amount of healthy paranoia to stay alive. So... Gurp. What's your plan?"

Medge has been dancing around going "Loot loot, all the loot! Shiny pretty happy loot!" Being an awesome pirate captain she knows all about booty!

Appraise: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13 Medge makes a face at the painting. Humans sure do like stupid stuff!

Appraise: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24 The lantern though, that's good stuff! Look at how shiny it is! Gobs could get lots of gold coins for it.

And look at the rest of this! Shiny spikey thing you could throw and stab people at a long distance! You could stab somebody with the fancy hairpin too. And use the wand to make stuff and then the fan that has the swamp map

"Let's look at the swamp map! Maybe it shows sneaky hidden things." Then she realizes that everyone else has been talking while she's been looking at the loots. Whoops! She goes back over the conversation in her head.

"Yeah, we should hide some fireworks and shiny loot. Stupid Gurtwad is dumber than the dumbest dumb thing ever! I bet he wants Medge's cool battle turtle back and he can't have Mr. Shell!" Medge takes off her captain's hat. The turtle is curled up with her pet toad Bandana.

"The stuff here is worth lots of shiny coins. We can call this the SS Flaming Frog and make it our base and Medge can make Twitchy and Ronk mates and then they fight over who gets to be First Mate and nobody has to give stuff to dumb chief who is dumb!"

Gurp looks over to Medge. "Well, Gurp's plan was more like shove mud into Gutwad's mouth when he sleeps until he dies to death, then take over Licktoads. But you plan good too! Gurp say we vote! All who like Gurp's genius master plan say 'Gurp have best mojo!' and all who like Medge's okay master plan say 'Medge have okay mojo I guess!' Gurp vote first. Gurp have best mojo!"

It always amazes Twitchy how many goblins want to be chief. They all crazy. Who want a job with all the blame and none of the fun? Not Twitchy. Twitchy want to be power behind the throne. Make wise suggestions, and let the rulers take the fall if plans fall through.

Twitchy knows that she needs to tread carefully between her two friends.

"You have powerful swamp mojo, Gurp. No one curses like you. But running the Licktoads requires more paranoia and suicidal tendencies than I think even you got. Instead of spending your time doing cool stuff like naming squishy babies and protecting the swamp, you'd have to spend hours on end judging disputes between squabbling gobbling morons. Bah. No fun!"

"I want fun!" Twitchy throws up her arms, gesticulating wildly. "Let's go with the Okay Plan! All hail the SS Flaming Frog! And no need to argue. Medge Captain, 'cause she has the hat. Ronk First Mate, 'cause he climb good! Gurp Mojo Man! And Flamefinger can be your Cabin Boy." She grins. "As for me, I'm Gunnery Mate in charge of BOOOOOM!"

Then to seal the deal, she says to Gurp, "I know you don't like Vorka's skull motif. I don't either. Too many bones crunching under foot. So, you wanna be in charge of redecorating?"

Thank you Gurp you made the whole room laugh! And curse you all for making poor Ronk have to decide.

Ronk looks back and forth between Twitchy and Gurp with a rather tortured look on his face. What do pick! Cannot anger the Twitchy but the Swamp Curses! Its Not Fair! Ronk spins around to look for anything that will get him out of having to cast his vote.

Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (15) + 5 = 20

"What?" Medge says eloquently. Did she come up with a plan? She didn't mean to, but she's not going to say that. Maybe there's a way to do both plans? Gurp does have the smart swamp mojo.

"Ok. Medge has even better plan! We leaves most of the stuff here. It's our super secret base the SS Flaming Frog! We take some fireworks back to dumb Chief. All the gobs in the village see that we are best, bravest gobs of all! And then we shovel mud into stupid chief while he sleeps...OR we have Twitchy make something that sets off the fireworks BOOM while the dumb Chief has them. Then no more dumb Chief and we all run Licktoads AND we still has secret base so we run alll of the swamp!"

Gurp's face scrunches up in annoyance. "Okay then. Gurp vote Gurp, Twitchy vote Medge, Ronk have panic attack, Medge try to change plan, Squishy say nothing, and Flamefinger just stand there and stare at wall. That very helpful." Gurp scratches his chin in thought, before snapping his fingers. "Gurp knows answer! Gurp ask most important baby Squishy."

Gurp fishes around in one of his bags for a while, before pulling out a seemingly random slug. "Dread Overking Squishy! We need you guidance. We stay or go?" Gurp puts the slug next to his ear for a few seconds, before frowning and putting it back in the bag. "Dread Overking Squishy say we should eat frog meat and make camp. That not helpful at all."

Twitchy says, "I don't know. Frog meat always a good idea." Then she glances at Medge, and says, "Unless it's Bandana, then it's not. But Vorka frog is fine!"

While the eat the tasty, smoky frog, Twitchy thinks about their current stalemate. "Maybe we going about this all wrong. If we can't decide, you know what must happen next, right? By the immutable laws of musical theatre, we need to sing our feelings until we find a resolution."

This is our song
Ba da da da
Everyone sing along
Ba da da da

Do we want death and blood
Mouths filled with mud
Or just be free
With pirate bonhomie
Ba da da da?

She looks at the others, cueing them to join in.