The Goblin Games/We Be Goblins (Inactive)

Game Master Wolfwaker

Gurp grins an ugly-yet-genuine smile. Thank you, Twitchy! Only five swamp curses now! He stows the slugs in his backpack. Not much good swamp mojo, but some. Ready to help.

Gurp prepares to cast Guidance when the event starts in earnest.

"Only five swamp curses!" Twitchy squeals with joy. "Twitchy can eat five swamp curses for breakfast!"

Twitchy motions those who have agreed to work together near her.

"If we can find Flamefinger, maybe we get some mojo from him too. Maybe he has some way of moving hive without getting stung. Or maybe he can set fires for our smoky sticks..."

Flamefinger, do you carry the cantrip magehand?

Remembering Flamefinger's legendary ears, Twitchy says in a normal voice, "It's too bad Flamefinger's not here. Maybe he could use his mojo. Become BIG hero!"

"Maybe Flamefinger actually helps now!" "Flamefinger, your mightest of might shamans, shall prove that he is worthy of being a hero of this tribe! Flamefingers voiced boomed as he came out of hiding, false confidence covering his fear of fai1lure. "Twichy Boom Boom! I shall give you my mojo to let you help me!

I humbly beg your forgiveness my computer freaked out and refused me the internet. It was horrible! But I am now returned! If I can make the stupid dice thing work that is.[/ooc}

Ronk stares sadly at Squealy Nord and sighs deeply and walks over to get his bag of slugs only to hand the whole bag to Gurp "If I give you this no thousand curses?" [ooc]If so Ronk will hand the bag over looking pleased with himself.

After that Ronk will walk over to Twitchy and lean in very close to Twitchys face and quietly says "So we not racing to the top?"

"Yes, yes!" Twitchy says. "The plan comes together!"

"Fast and tricksy? Medge does fast and tricksy for breakfast!" Medge brags. She studies the trees. "Big trees look like ship masts. Medge climbs those all the time! If Twitchy has sneaky plan then Medge is in!

Ronk raises his big stick with a hopeful look on his face as he gazes in the direction of Squealy Nord "Bonk?

Twitchy looks around at the assembled team.

"Good, we all in on the plan. Excellent!" She claps her hands. "Ronk, racing not the problem. The problem is getting bited all over by itty bitty stings. Not my idea of good time."

Twitchy holds up three fingers.

"Okay, for this plan, we need three things:

3) Once Medge down, Flamefinger uses mojo to move knife to hive. He cuts part of hive from the ground, then moves mojo from knife to hive chunk. Pull off chunk, bring it down to chief.

Twitchy says, "To sum up: this plan works because SOMEONE climbs tree, and SOMEONE gets honey, and whole tribe gets to watch Ronk bonk a pig. Ronk covered in glory. Medge and Flamefinger victorious."

"Does that work for everybody?"

Ronk offers a very toothy smile and raises his bonking stick. "Ronk will take care of the Squealy Nord. Bonk it so bacon will be tender! Ronk will be covered in GLORY!"

Well done playing to Ronks delusions of grandeur are they way to control him. To be noted if Ronk climbed the tree and fell he would try to bonk the tree to death so this is a good idea.

"Yes, you do good job!" Twitchy beams at Ronk. "Lots of bonks! Lots of glory!"

Twitchy pulls aside Gurp. "I have backup plan for you if Grack not distracted enough by Ronk."

To Ronk -- Yeah, this plan has something for everyone, doesn't it?

Gurp chuckles insanely. "You. Gurp likes way you thinks. The swamp smiles at this plan."

Medge nods her head so vigorously that she almost loses her hat. She quickly grabs it so she doesn't lose both the hat and the pet toad inside. Bandana grumbles her displeasure.

"I like this plan, it's very sneaky and good and sneaky. Plus I have this! With a look of triumph on her face she pulls a smokestick out of her pocket. "I can smoke out nasty bugs! Just tell me when to climb. Medge starts to sing"Sneaky Medge is good at things, She sound great when she sings! Gonna climb right up big tree, Use smoke to take out stupid bee!

"You have smokestick?!" Twitchy looks at the stick with awe. "Is sign! We not need gather pine needles, Not have to take long long time to make smoky fire! We just light, and you go!"

Wow. Seriously? I feel like Wesley in Princess Bride when he says, "If only we had a wheelbarrow and a holocaust cloak...

"We have good plan, good gobs, and good songs! You go now! I send Ronk off to bonk pig. Good luck. Remember, you have swamp mojo with you!"

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Okay GM, I think we're ready to do Goblin Mayhem. Other than climb checks, what does Medge have to roll for her part to lull the bees? Also, Ronk will need to know what he needs to do to engage Squealy. Let us know what we need to roll. Thanks!

Ronk jumps up and down in joy and then hugs Twitchy "I get my vengeance! Twitchy has such intelligence! Stupid piggy gonna DIE!" Ronk mumbles "So long as nothing goes awry"

I feel weird about how excited I am to attack this pig considering what other critters I have killed in the past. Though this will be my first pig. I am legitimately enjoying this temperamental Goblin.

Twitchy's excited enough that she hugs Ronk back.

"First we watch Medge climb tree.
As she starts smoking bee,
You will charge the demon pig!
Make commotion; I'll yell BIG!"

I feel like such an enabler...

Twitchy goes up to Grack. She speaks loudly, so the whole village can hear:

"We decided who'd be first to try
Climbing trees, facing FEARSOME bees
Who swarm all comers then sting and fly!
It's Pirate Medge! Think she'll die?!"

____________
How late were you up, Ronk? Of course, who's talking? I couldn't sleep this morning either...

Grup casts Guidance on Medge.

Just a reminder that Twitchy told everyone who agreed to join the plan about the alternate tree route in GM spoiler. It's up to Medge what route she picks.

Twitchy grabs more barbecue, hangs out with Gurp and Flamefinger, and sits back to watch.

Ronk follows Twitchy to the barbecue and grabs a handful of food. He opens his mouth and stops with the food right in front his mouth. "So Ronk gets to bonk now? Need precious food for the bonking." Then promptly shoves the hand full of his toothy mouth and turns away.

I was up late and that will now be the norm for me since I started a new job, normally home by 2 or 3 in the morning.

Ronk makes in a few steps away then runs back. He swallows the last of his massive mouthful then speaks, "Why haven't you yelled BIG yet?"

is it manners or a want to keep all food in his mouth? Who knows.

"Have more barbecue. Medge just starting to climb! Once she up, go get pig!"

_____________

Medge, Wolfwaker said (in the discussion thread) to just go ahead and make the climb checks on the tree of your choice when you get a chance.

GM, what will Ronk need to attack the fearsome Squealy?

The toothy maw of Ronk is now turned down in to a frown and the bonking stick is hanging loosely from his hand and drug along the ground as Ronk walks back towards the barbecue and sticks his tongue out at Twitchy as he passes. He grabs another handful and shoves it in his mouth.

Medge heads for the vine covered tree, her smokestick clamped between her lips.

climb: 1d20 ⇒ 15
climb: 1d20 ⇒ 3
Medge gets halfway up the vines before she puts a foot wrong. She slips and lands on her rump. "Ouch! Dumb tree!". Medge dusts herself off and gets ready for a second attempt.

I just wanted to check. She's going at a quarter speed which means about 7 feet each roll right? Since this one is 10 DC what's the numbers for falling out of the tree. Especially for that acrobatics try.

"Medge can go the job!
Medge is one brave gob!"

__________
Do you get a bonus to climb off of being a pirate? I think the bonus from guidance only covered your first roll, alas.

Falling damage is nasty -- 2d6 from 20 feet up. Although Twitchy is not great at climbing, Twitchy is "bouncy" and could probably take the fall better. Do you want me to try?

Yes! Ronk has the power
Once Medge defeats that tree
It will be his hour
And he will get a bonking spree!

Soon all will know this story
Before Ronk all will cower
Ronk will be wrapped in glory
After Squealy gives a bloody shower

Ronk could get angry and try to climb if you want

If Ronk wants to attack the pig, just do an attack roll. I"m not sure it's necessary (yet?) but I guess it makes sense in goblin logic.

I think normally you would round down to 5' but well call it 7.5 and just require 3 climb checks.

Your choices are climbing the pine tree (DC 15 3 times)
or climbing the viney tree (3 DC 10's and then Acrobatics DC 20).

Ronk will wait but not for long. He wants his vengeance. It is necessary, very necessary.

"Once Ronk kills Oinker, Flamefinger can makes bacon for celebrate!!! Til' thens Flanefinger stays focused!! Flamefinger wiped away the drool from the thought of bacon as he turns his attention the the bee hive.

readied action to use Mage Hand

Twitchy sighs. "Gurp, can you give more swamp mojo to Medge and Ronk? We gonna need it."

"Medge, you wanna try climb again, or want Ronk to climb pine tree while we come up with other way to distract Grack together? (Other way require sneakiness too.)"

If you all want giggles, Twitchy can attempt some climb rolls, but she'd rather engineer a team win.

The bonking stick is waved in the air "Ronk will still take the Squealy Nord but Ronk can take the tree too! Ronk will take them all!"

Woot for delusions of grandeur!

"Bah! Only so much swamp mojo to go around. After this, I start charging."
Gurp casts Guidance on Medge and Ronk.

"Better not say word 'charging' around Ronk," Twitchy whispers to Gurp, "or he think you wanna go face big-nasty-not-yet-bacon too."

Huh. If Ronk's gonna climb, we may need to prep back up distraction plan for Grack.

Twitchy is going to hope that information about who lives in her village is common knowledge, allowing her to roll an untrained Knowledge Local roll.

Where is Grack's house and who lives in it?

Knowledge (Local): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11

Is everyone who lives there out? Twitchy looks around at the crowd gathered around the tree. Don't wanna kill a dumb kid by mistake.

Twitchy is actually chaotic neutral, so has a pesky conscience that sometimes interferes with her best plans.

Don't wanna be seen, either. With whole village watching tree, is there a way to sneak around Grack's house to set fire if needed without being seen?

Perception: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7

"Those kids run around too much," Twitchy mutters to herself. "Lost count of where they all are."

______________
Only so much swamp mojo to go around? Gurp, you crack me up!

Okay you two. Add +1 to your next roll. And good luck!

Twitchy hands a small dead pine branch to Ronk. "I'm hoping Medge will lend smoky stick, but here is back up smoky stick, just in case. Pine needles very smoky when catch fire. They pop, too! Very hot!"

Twitchy waits to see if Medge wants to try to climb again, or if she wants to be sneaky distraction for Ronk's climb.

Meanwhile, she decides to get the attention of the kids in the village the old-fashioned way. She brings Fluffer over, and starts petting him and feeding him barbecue. "Who's a good birdie? Fluffer is, even if he not allowed to climb stupid trees!"

_________________
If Medge decides she wants to be sneaky distraction, Twitchy will let her know about the backup plan she hatched with Gurp in the spoiler.

Readied action:
If we need to set fire to Grack's house, Twitchy is prepared to ask the village kids, "Who wants to pet the birdie?" That should get them out of the way and create a distracting ruckus all by itself.

Ronk whips his head back and forth between the glory of climbing the tree and battling the mighty bees and the glorious vengeance against the vile Squealy Nord. After what is most likely a bad case of whiplash he stares down at the pitiful stick Twitchy gave him and his wonderfully massive bonking stick.

"Ronk doesn't know what to do
He is so torn
We are trying to trust this crew
If failing so much scorn

Ronk wants to bonk the Squealy Nord
Bathed in glory
Ronk will be the Lord
If he can pick a quarry!"

Ronk looks around for Twitchy and squeals to the sight of the birdie. He races over, dropping the pine twig and pokes Twitchy. "Ronk wants to pet the big birdie! Please! Please! Oh Please!" Ronk is bouncing up and down while saying this.

Twitchy does a face palm. With allies like this, who needs enemies?

Get it together, Twitchy. She shakes herself. Ronk just needs direction! Who better to direct than you?

"Pet birdie, then climb pine tree quick before Gurp's big swamp mojo runs out!"

Handle Animal: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (4) + 7 = 11

She keeps Fluffer quiet while Ronk pets the birdie.

With gusto Ronk pets the birdie "Thank you! Ronk will defeat this tree then!" He runs to grab the droped twig and runs to the tree.

I wil wait to see if Medge will climb. So much potential glory and so little time!

"Now up the tree you go
Climb it fast not slow
Use big swamp mojo!

Then set twig fire
Make bees yawn and tire
Get glory you desire!"

_________
Yeah, let's wait for Medge to post... Give her a second chance at the tree if she wants. Victory will be ours -- somehow!

Flamefinger must proves worthinesses to tribe. If Flamefinger wants to rule tribe someday with his mighty mojos he must first play Chiefs games. Twitchy good planner. Maybe makes good advisory. Medge has good inspirations and other usefulness skills. Gurp, nobody like Gurp. None cept Flamefinger. Flamefinger and Gurp only two goblins with such amazing mojos. Keep Gurp around when Flamefinger becomes chief. Gurp mojo help when taking over human tribes. And Ronk Bonk. Flamefinger can't stand Ronk!!! Nobody else knows Ronk caused Flamefingers mojo. So much stupid bonk bonk bonking in cage next to Flamefinger!! When Flamefinger couldn't stand it anymore his mojo awakened and he burned his cage to get away. No one must knows that!!! But Ronk is strong. Maybes stronger than Cheif now. Perhaps if Flamefinger can put up with hi. He can make him personal body gaurd. Or mayhaps vanguard if gobo armies! But firs just secure alliances an play chiefs games. Flamefinger stands ready to help other Gobs!! Should I defeat Oinker since Ronk will climbs? Flamefinger smiles helpfully, allowing flames to spurt from him finger, a glint of grandure in his eyes.

I feel required to tell you this actually made me laugh out loud. It is only logical that most of Ronks generation isn't fond of him due to the bonk bonk bonking.

Where is Grack's house and who lives in it?

Is everyone who lives there out? Twitchy looks around at the crowd gathered around the tree. Don't wanna kill a dumb kid by mistake.

Grack lives by himself in a hut near the center of the village (say 100 yards away). While the other goblins would enjoy the fire, bonking the pig is less likely to get you in trouble (unless you don't get caught).

The newly-formed team has come up with a good plan. Who is going to climb?

While they are waiting, a tall, thin goblin named Narg gives the tree a try.

Climb: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (7) + 7 = 14

The crowd has a good laugh, but are disappointed he didn't fall further.

climb: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 1 = 20
climb: 1d20 ⇒ 5

Medge makes it halfway up the tree before she stalls out. She grabs hold of the tree and slides slowly back to the bottom. Standing up, she paces in a circle before giving it another go.

climb: 1d20 ⇒ 7

This time she hardly gets off the ground before her peg leg gives way and she's back on a flat surface. A loud growling noise is coming from her.

climb: 1d20 ⇒ 20
climb: 1d20 ⇒ 2

Once again to the halfway point, once again falling straight to the ground. Medge's face is turning red...

climb: 1d20 ⇒ 18
climb: 1d20 ⇒ 6

Medge starts slipping in the same exact spot. Furiously she tries to stay aloft. Her hands dig into the sides of the tree, leaving marks behind as she slips further down. In desperation Medge bites the tree. The strength of her bite actually holds her in place for a few seconds. Her limbs windmill as she tries to to find purchase but there's none to be had. She opens her mouth to let out a screech that ends when she hits the ground, having forgotten that her teeth were the only things holding her in place.

Medge leaps up from the ground, spitting pieces of pine tree out. She yells. "STUPID DUMB TREE, MEDGE HATES IT FOREVER, TREE NEEDS TO DIE" She then pulls out her dogslicers and starts slashing at the tree, taking out a flurry of tiny chunks.

Fortunately, Medge is chopping at the vine covered tree, which still leaves the pine tree with the bees available.

Twitchy says, "Ronk, go climb now!"

Then she walks over to Medge and says, "You chop fierce!"

"Okay, let's make new plan! Ronk climbs pine tree (or tries to, anyway.)" She whispers, "Pine tree might let him climb. It's made of wood, just like Ronk's head."

"We come up with other sneaky things for clever Medge to do. Maybe we work together, and throw bombs at vine-covered tree to distract Grack!"

________
Now I almost want to try making the climb rolls, considering how laughably bad Twitchy's -1 to climb would be. I'm feeling left out here.

Going to step in here with a correction. Even with no ranks in Climb, Medge should still get her Dexterity bonus, so she should have a +4 climb bonus.

Also, by the climb rules, failing by less than 5 means you don't advance, but also don't fall.

And you have a choice of the straight pine tree (20' of DC 15 climb) or the vine-covered tree (20' of DC 10 climb, then a DC 20 acrobatics.)

So go ahead and pretend you fell once, and give it another try (maybe on the other tree).

Going to step in here with a correction. Even with no ranks in Climb, Medge should still get her Dexterity bonus, so she should have a +4 climb bonus.

Technically that's wrong, since Climb is a Strength-based skill. But I'm just going to rule that Small characters can use Dex for Climb. (By the Square-cube Law, they should have a bonus rather than a penalty.)

It seems like a fine house rule!

Twitchy crosses her fingers for Medge's next attempt.

so ronk is going to wait

Ronk begins to pace back and forth occassionally swinging his bonking stick. He screams out "once more then I will slay the tree!"

Wolfwaker wrote:

Going to step in here with a correction. Even with no ranks in Climb, Medge should still get her Dexterity bonus, so she should have a +4 climb bonus.

Technically that's wrong, since Climb is a Strength-based skill. But I'm just going to rule that Small characters can use Dex for Climb. (By the Square-cube Law, they should have a bonus rather than a penalty.)

Do I have to since it makes mine worse?

Is the GM's ruling that climb is based off of strength bonus + dex bonus?