Round 3
Poog tries to break free and so does Reta, but both fail. Poog takes another point of fire damage, but Reta's avoids the contents of the next bucket. Taunting the other goblins from outside the pie is Chuffy, who's already safe.
Mogmurch avoids the hot pie poured from a bucket, but does nothing else. All three of the eagles also avoid the hot pie from the buckets.
One of the eagles attacks Poog with all its got. It's not much: both talons and the beak miss Poog.
Round 4: Scores + turn progression:
Chuffy (21/26 HP) 15 points
Mogmurch (16/23 HP)
Poog (11/23 HP)
Reta (21/30 HP)
Eagle 1 (-1 HP & 2 nonlethal damage)
Eagle 3
Eagle 4 (-2 HP & 2 nonlethal damage)
"Poog fed up with pie, fed up with eagle. RRR!"
He makes a last effort to smack his head into the eagle one last time.
Poog headbutts the weakest eagle, and it goes down. He earns 5 points! Reta tries to escape her bonds again, but fails.
Both Reta and Poog, despite their bonds, manage to dodge another load of hot pie.
Round 4: Scores + turn progression:
Chuffy (21/26 HP) 15 points
Mogmurch (16/23 HP)
Poog (11/23 HP) 5 points
Reta (21/30 HP)
Eagle 1 (-1 HP & 2 nonlethal damage)
Eagle 3
"Stop!" wise Mummy Sprattleharsh shouts, "This is taking too long! It's almost getting dark, get out of that pie!"
Several goblins come to the heroes' aid, and pull those who are still inside out of the pie. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh looks at the heroes and nods her head. "Chuffy was the only one to get out of the pie. He earned 15 points! Poog was the only other goblin to kill an eagle, and earned 5 points! Reta and Mogmurch... Yeah..."
Poog provides the necessary healing, and a few of the Birdcrunchers pitch in where needed. Everyone's back to full health before Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh announces the final scores: "I'll now announce the final scores! Fourth place is for Mogmurch, with a total of 4 points. Third place is for Poog, with a total of 5 points. Second place is for Reta, with a total of 14 points. And the new chieftain, the one with a total of 37 points, is Chuffy!"
The goblins of the Birdcrunchers clap their hands and cheer. Some even set random objects on fire out of pure joy. "Chieftain Chuffy! Chieftain Chuffy!"
With the honor of becoming chieftain, chuffy's allowed to select the other goblins who competed in the dares to be subchieftains. As promised by Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, the chieftain gets to wear the Crunchy Crown. This crown is a nonmagical hat, but nonetheless grants a +2 bonus on all Intimidate checks made against Birdcruncher goblins while it’s worn. In addition, the new chieftain and any subchieftains get to loot the tribe’s treasure chest.
The Birdcrunchers, as it turns out, have a particularly large cache of treasure. There are several items in the large and filthy chest that the PCs can make use of. Among the 840 gp in assorted coins, art objects, trophies, jars of pickles, shiny rocks, dented armor fragments, broken dogslicers, and bird parts in various stages of decay are the following items of particular interest: four potions of cure moderate wounds, a potion of fire resistance, a wand of lesser restoration (9 charges), a +1 flaming dogslicer, a Small cloak of elvenkind, a bead of force, a necklace of fireballs (type I), and 5 ounces of sovereign glue.
For the rest of the evening, the Birdcrunchers are in a celebratory mood—they have a new leader, after all! During this time, the chieftain and subchieftains are the focus of goblin pandemonium. Some of the subjects prostrate themselves before the new leaders, moistening their feet with kisses and runny noses, while others scream and sob and bring gifts of food and offers of goblin frolicking. Goblin after goblin comes forward to try to impress the new leaders—by juggling live stoats, by head-butting stumps, and particularly, by setting things on fire... themselves included.
"Chuffy is the new chief! Reta, Poog and Mog be seconds in command."
Looking at the items, he looks at all of it and puts it all in a bag...except the wand, which is handed to Poog. "When we go out, we share the spoils."
"Poog hate dares. But this turn out ok. It better than being last goblins alive from toadlick tribe."
"Reta, Roast bird with this and be tribe's chief 'forcer!" With that, Chuffy pulls out the the dogslicer and tosses it to her.
After a long evening filled with feasting chieftain Chuffy and the subchieftains go to bed. The next morning, when they exit the chieftain's hut, the entire tribe's waiting for them. The Birdcrunchers expect their new leader to head out today to challenge and, hopefully, defeat or drive off the ogre known as Pa Munchmeat.
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh has a few words of advice for the heroes before they set off—she warns them that the fire-breathing pigs breathe fire, and that Pa Munchmeat hits hard. He also casts spooky plant spells and has a mean daughter with a pet weasel bigger than a horse, and there might be other monsters living on the farm as well. She gives the heroes a crude map of the area that shows the way to Pa Munchmeat’s farm before shooing them on their way, implying that you shouldn’t bother returning to the Birdcrunchers until the task is done. And so the journey to the farm begins.
Chuffy gives each goblin one of the healing potions and a vial of sovreign glue (keeping two for himself). Placing his new cloak on his own shoulders, he smiles a broad smile as he views the cloak as his symbol of being the chief. He keeps the potion to resist fire and the necklace to produce fire, but gives Mogmurch the bead of force. "Here we go!"
The Munchmeat Farm lies about two-thirds of a mile from the Birdcruncher village. As the bird flies, it’s a relatively short distance; on foot through the trackless tors, it’s an hour-long walk to get to the farm. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh’s map is crude but accurate, and unless the heroes would deliberately ignore it, they reach the ogre’s home—but not without incident.
About 45 minutes into the walk, the heroes have approached close enough to the farm that they attract the attention of Pa Munchmeat’s animal companion Piggy. When the heroes arrive in a relatively wide valley with little undergrowth, everyone but Mogmurch spots Piggy hiding in a patch of huckleberries. Mogmurch's quickly alerted to the danger by chieftain Chuffy.
Round 1 - turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy
Mogmurch
Poog eyes the piggy and snarls.
"Grrr...you die soon, you make good stew."
Piggy's eyes grow wide as he realizes this won't end well for him, leaving him shaken.
Round 1 - turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy
Mogmurch
Sweeping off to the side to try and get the creature's flank, Chuffy launches his improved attacks on the pile of raw bacon.
"BACON!!!"
Piggy's unimpressed by the two goblins who try to hit her, and easily dodges both Chuffy and Reta their attacks.
The boar tries to hit Chuffy with her tusks, but Chuffy also dodges her attack.
Round 1 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy
Mogmurch
Round 2 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy
Mogmurch
Poog tries another snarl at piggy.
Mogmurch heads up to the one free spot around piggy and swipes his dogslicer at the pig.
Mogmurch moves up to Piggy and swipes his dogslicer at the pig, but the attack misses. Poog snarls at Piggy, but this time Poog fails to impress.
Round 2 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy
Mogmurch
With another quick slash of his blade, Chuffy attempts to end the piggy. Wishing he had the old chief's blade.
Chuffy's blade slashes into Piggy's flesh, but Piggy takes the hit like a boss. The boar snorts loudly, and instead of hurt it just looks angry.
Round 2 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog
Piggy -7 HP
Mogmurch
Reta glares at the pig and, flanking with Chuffy, lashes out.
Reta's attack doesn't penetrate Piggy's hide.
The boar seems to be getting quite frustrated by the goblins and opens his mouth, letting out a 15-foot cone of fire the envelops both Mogmurch and Poog.
Round 2 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog -2 HP
Piggy -7 HP
Mogmurch -3 HP
Round 3 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog -2 HP
Piggy -7 HP
Mogmurch -3 HP
Another slash, cackling all the while!
"Goblins laugh and goblins fight.
This boar dies here tonight!"
Mogmurch attacks Piggy with his Dogslicer, or at least that seems to be the intention. Where Mogmurch's aiming isn't really clear.
Chieftain Chuffy slashes open Piggy's side. While Poog snarls loudly, spooking the boar, Reta attacks Piggy with her flaming dogslicer. She slices off a nice piece of instantly cooked bacon.
Piggy turns his head and grabs hold of a gourd attached to a belt tied around its body. The boar gulps down the contents of the gourd and directly opens his mouth let out another cone of fire.
The flames envelop both Mogmurch and Poog again. Luckily they resist part of the damage by spitting and thus quenching the fire on their arms.
Mogmurch tries again, but once more it's unclear where Mogmurch's aiming.
Round 4 - Turn progression:
Reta
Chuffy
Poog 15/23 HP
Piggy -25 HP
Mogmurch 17/23 HP
Chuffy enjoys avoiding the flames by being off to the side.
Poog moves in to join the slicing.
Chuffy, Reta, and Poog (for a bit) hack and slice up poor Piggy till it drops to the ground. Piggy's still breathing, but slowly bleeding out.
The heroes continue their journey to the Munchmeat Farm. The remainder of the walk is uneventful, except for a moment where Mogmurch observes a very pretty toadstool: "It red! Like big boom, haha!"
Surrounded by a rickety wooden fence and thick mud, Munchmeat Farm slumps in a soggy valley between two low tors. A slimy-looking creek winds through the farm, which is barely anything to look at. A house in the center of the fenced-in area leans against two hefty buttresses holding up three large beams. It’s balanced on numerous thick log stilts that create a cage-like hollow in the mud below the building. North of the house are a few filthy chicken coops, and to the west an upturned boat, propped against the fence, has been built into an impromptu shelter. A shed sits to the south of the building, and south and east of this shed are a few tired stretches of garden that look like they’re best at growing mud and weeds.
A single rickety farm gate allows passage through the wooden fence here, below an archway made of broken branches and bleached bones. A sign hangs from the arch, its words scrawled onto the wood with what looks like blood. Three severed, maggot-covered goblin heads sit on poles driven into the ground to the left of the gate. A second sign leans against these poles under the heads. The gate is unlocked. The fence is generally about 9 feet high but is very shoddily made; you could climb over it.
Prior to the gate, poog will use the rod of Clw on himself and Mog.
21 charges remaining
Chuffy slips through the fence with little effort.
"Ouchies are gone! Most of ouchies are!" Mogmurch informs the others after Poog's healing. He then expertly climbs over the fence and follows the other heroes.
Nothing happens once the goblins are on the other side of the fence.
Chuffy aims with his weapon.
"We explore broken floater." (boat)
An upturned boat, an old river barge by the look of it, sits in the mud here. The boat’s stern has been built into the fence, and a large hole has been smashed in the southern side to provide entrance to the dark hollow created by the hull.
Inside the upturned boat, wedged against the entrance, is a fat and sleeping pig that prevents entrance. You could, of course, attempt to squeeze by to see what's inside.