A nearby bush begins to oddly giggle and snigger. Then you hear the familiar loud slurp of a goblin licking a toad, and a goblin steps out of the shadows. He has a dogslicer on his hip, several tiny cages hanging from his back--including one with a spider inside it--and he's holding a toad in his hands.
"Anyone want to say hello to Fat Frog?" He holds his toad out far enough for anyone to take a good lick.
You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.
Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions.
But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
You are now gathered outside the moot house, awaiting Chief Gutwad's invitation to enter. While you're waiting, take a moment to describe your goblins to the others, like Chuffy's done.
While waiting, a large female goblin stands next to a tree stump idly slashing a dogslicer at a bewildered mouse, a toothy grin on her face at its obvious fear. The goblin is just about to cut the mouse in two when she notices the bush and the other goblin stepping from it.
"GOT MY OWN FROG, YES YES," she yells.
She produces her pet toad and dangles it in front of her for anyone to see the lucky array of warts across its back.
"RETA BIGBAD. HI!"
Poog stands eerily serene in front of the moot house, his hands clasped in front of his chest as his calculating, predatory eyes watch the antics of his fellow goblins.
"Nothing on fire," he sighs, "Purifying Scribbleface's house great for Zarongel, but now... nobody burns. Chuffy, you book on you?" The last is asked with a sadistic hopefulness.
"Book? What's book? Is that some weird Zarongel thing? Fire is pretty, and makes for great shadows, but Chuffy never heard of book..." He takes a lick to calm his nerves, then puts Fat Frog away, and begins casing the moot house for good hiding spots.
"Good, good," Poog says with obvious disappointment at being denied the opportunity to dole out more punishment, "Was test. Poog would burn you for having book."
"Was book nasty disease you catch at Scribbleface hut? Chuffy was never there. That shadow in the corner was not Chuffy. Chuffy never went inside to loot. Just helped burn from outside..."
"Hmm." Poog eyes Chuffy for a long moment. "Good. Zarongel pleased with Chuffy."
"TALK TALK AND NO BLOOD ON GROUND!"
Reta produces a wriggling caterpillar from her pouch and pops it into her mouth, chewing audibly. A line of green goo dribbles down the corner of her mouth.
"Poog disa-- disa-- unhappy no burning, too. How Poog worship Zarongel if nobody on fire?"
Poog nods appreciatively at Mogmurch. "Yes. That be the spirit!"
Finally, a high-pitched nasal voice calls for you to enter. the chief's Moot House is a veritable museum of Licktoad heroics - crammed with trophies such as stolen weapons, shiny bits of treasure, and the brine-pickled bodies of dozens of brutally slaughtered small furry animals (mostly dogs). Chief Gutwad sits atop his great Teeter Chair in the Moot House. It is well known that no goblin can stand the chief's voice without running in fear except his aide Slorb, to whom the nasal voice belongs. However, to your shock and surprise, Chief Gutwad speaks directly to you in his deep, booming voice.
"You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren't fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission. You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface's hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there! I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!"
After the meeting, Chief Gutwad has little more patience to speak with you. He has Slorb give you the map and orders you out of the Moot House.
Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a Desnan candle firework. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat (snails, fish, and snakes). The chief brings out a barrel of fermenting cider apples early on and most goblins get drunk very quickly; whoever wants to indulge in the apples, please note so with a Fortitude save.
"B-b-but isn't map evil? Paper for burning! Chuffy no understand. Maybe ok if wise Poog uses it?"
"No. Look!" Poog says and points at the map. "Map have no words. Zarongel says is safe."
Poog thinks really, really hard about Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many.
"EAT MAP? RETA EATS FACES. MAP MADE OF FACES? GOOD RETA EAT!"
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Examining the map, Chuffy sees that the map is relatively simple, showing little more than the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the
coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs between the two locations. By following the creek, you should be able to easily reach the old wreck. Unfortunately, the old wreck is also located in the part of the swamp that all Licktoads know to be the territory of Vorka the cannibal.
Poog thinks hard and manages to recall that there are plenty of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more often simply as "Lotslegs,") is the most notorious. The giant spider lives somewhere in the marsh between the Licktoad village and the coast, and the route that Scribbleface's map shows leads right through the giant spider’s territory.
For now, feel free to have fun in the feast and describe your goblinous actions.
Chuffy lurks in the shadows, stealing choice bits of food and drink from other unsuspecting revelers, looking for some game that catches his eye.
When he finally gets caught (because he'll keep doing it until he does), he gets belligerent:
"I am great hero, Chuffy! It is honor I steal your food. Now thank me for honor!"
Poog dances around the bonfire that was once Scribblefaces house.
"Poog say Zarongel is the best, he help burn things and heal the rest!" He pulls out a squashed, dried toad from his satchel.
"Oops. Wrong toad." He shoves the dead toad back in and pulls out a living toad, which he promptly licks.
"Zarongel's favor makes Poog blessed, and Poog also stab you with knife if you make fun of how he isn't good at riding animals." Not the best wordsmith among the Licktoads, he continues to dance and summons balls of fire, which he tosses into the bonfire explosively.
As the evening progresses, word that you are going on a special quest spreads, and the other goblins of the tribe begin daring you to show off your heroics. You can indulge in these dares or not as you wish, though only one prize will be awarded per dare - since the prizes for completing the dares (supplied by the chief himself) are relatively significant rewards, participating and winning could make the difference between success or failure in tomorrow’s quest. As for why the chief doesn’t simply give these valuable tools to you, well... that’s just not how things are done in the Licktoad tribe.
The first dare is the Dance With Squealy Nord.
The goblins describe Squealy Nord as a fearsome boar who lives in a muddy pit in the middle of the village, right next to the goblin baby cages. His pit itself is circular, nearly 20 feet in diameter, and just over 10 feet deep. "Dancing with Squealy Nord" requires a goblin to spend 18 seconds (3 rounds) riding on the piglet's back. Squealy Nord is tethered for this dare, then released into the pit from a narrow corral with the mounted goblin clinging onto his back and generally screaming a lot.
If you want to step up to this challenge, please make me a Ride check for each of the 3 rounds.
"Chuffy the best, will pass this test. Squealy Nord will dance for me, because I am mighty Chuff-EEEEE
Poog mounts the boar and holds on for dear life. "Poog--AAAAHHH!"
The Licktoads seem delighted to see all four heroes jump to the task. Chuffy chants his victorious song as he mounts Squealy Nord, then flies off within mere seconds, drawing laughter and thrown rotten vegetables from the crowd. Poog follows suit, falling of the pig within moments and planting his head in the ground , but doesn't draw nearly as much excitement, as the Licktoads know what happens when someone mocks Poog's riding skills. Reta's performance rouses cheers from the crowd as she remains mounted for nearly 16 seconds, finally losing balance and falling off flat on her back . Finally, Mogmurch enters the fray and holds on to Squealy Nord for the entire 18 seconds, screaming excessively but maintaining his grasp. A delighted Chief Gutwad hands Mogmurch the legendary Dragon Brew Gourd - an elixir of fire breathing.
Next is the challenge Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick.
Bull slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the goblins, they're considered particularly foul-tasting and, because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult to chew. A covered wicker basket containing the slug bag is brought before you, along with a napkin made out of a soggy leaf. You have 1 minute to eat an entire bag of bull slugs to win this dare. Eating the slugs is not a problem, even though they wriggle, taste of rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed. Eating a full bag in a minute is the hard part. There are five slugs in the bag, and successfully eating one requires a DC 15 Fortitude save (this drops to a DC 10 Fortitude save if the goblin doesn't bother to spit out the slug's mildly poisonous slime bladder - but neglecting to take care not to eat the slime bladder could have repercussions). Eating a slug is a full-round action (because of the squirming), and a goblin who fails a save can attempt to swallow the same slug on the following round.
So, who is up to this disgusting dare?
Poog waves the slave goblin over. "Give Poog slugs. Poog master of beasts!"
He gobbles down the first two without a problem. With each slug, he spits out the poisonous bladder like a water melon seed. The third one tries to escape through his nose, but he manages to snort it back and swallow it. The fourth is less rambunctious and goes down swiftly. The last is a bit of a challenge, but he finishes with time to spare.
"Ha! *BURP*"
"Great big gobs of greasy slimy sluggy guts,
poison that will drive you nuts,
Making Poog really yack,
Chuffy will just knock them back!"
Chuffy fills his cheeks with the poison glands until he's finished, then spits them out in a stream at his fellow contestants before emitting a loud belch that sprays slime and slug guts all over Poog, Mogmurch and Reta.
Nothing like slug sliders!"
He spend the last couple of rounds mocking the ones who can't finish.
Poog glowers at Chuffy as he wipes the slug slime off of his face.
The Licktoads cheer on Poog and Chuffy as they both successfully gobble down the slugs while keeping their innards mostly safe. The goblins then turn to those who've not yet chosen to participate, sticking their tongues out and making rude gestures.
"Ha! Mogmurch and Reta weenies, they can't eat a bag of bull slugs real quick! They not real heroes!"
"RETA NO WEENIE!"
She sits down and folds her legs and plops the bag in her lap and begins to shovel them into her mouth, but Reta can only get three in before the time limit.
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The crowd is slightly dissatisfied as all heroes properly spit the poisonous bladders out, but happily throw Longshanks food at Reta while Chief Gutwad presents the dare's reward, the Gorge of Gluttons - a +1 Dogslicer that functions as a Bane weapon when used against horses.
This is the goblin version of hide and seek. The dare-taker rushes off into the marsh without any weapons and attempts to find a good hiding spot (make a Stealth check to determine your success at hiding). The other goblins try to find him, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the previously hidden goblin with a club.
The infamous Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past (at any one time, partially severed goblin ears can be found tangled in its sharp internal coils), the Rusty Earbiter is both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads. The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting hat), but his legacy lives on.
A PC who agrees to this dare must climb into one end of the Rusty Earbiter and then wriggle through it, coming out the other side. There’s no time limit to get this done, but the faster the better! Climbing through the Rusty Earbiter requires a series of three DC 15 Escape Artist checks as the goblin must writhe through a series of tight squeezes. Each Escape Artist check takes 1 full round to attempt, and each one must be repeated until a successful check is made before moving on to the next one (or, in the case of the last check, successfully crawling out the far end of the tube). Each failed Escape Artist check causes 1d4–2 points of damage (a result of less than 1 point of damage indicates no damage is taken) from the Rusty Earbiter's spiky spikes.
Poog eyes the Rusty Earbiter. "Uh... Zarongel say Poog no need to do Rusty Earbiter."
The cleric runs off to hide and, hopefully, not get clubbed.
"Chuffy the best! You'll only find the rest! Can look for Chuffy all the day, but you'll never find him to play "Beat the Goblin" any day!"
Chuffy's ears will not be bit, 'cuz he's crafty and so quick. Not afraid like silly Poog, who'll sit on the side and eat his boog(er).
"We can see that Chuffy the best! Only one to pass every test. The others are so weak and scared, Chuffy is the one who dared. Hero of the Licktoad clan, and to every goblin woman."
"Chuffy not best--!" Reta pokes her head out from her hiding spot to shout at the gloating goblin only to realize too late that it gives her position away.
”Reta no big loser! Poog get bonked too many times in head, he think he’s Reta. Who Wouldn’t?!”
Reta runs off to find a good hiding spot, nestling in the gooey trunk of a rotting fallen tree.
She hides so well she doesn't even bother to deal with the Rusty Earbiter.