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RPG Superstar 2015

9 Blazing Months


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

251 to 300 of 538 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | next > last >>
Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

RonarsCorruption wrote:


Mirror Shield

I might repeat some other folks, but I tried to read their comments first...

*slot none is probably correct, but since you need to hold it like a shield (unless can you wear a shield while carrying this?) should it be slot shield? Does it cause arcane spell failure? EDIT: you addressed this later, but I dinnae know where you plan to end with it :)
**Where the mirror shield truly comes to life is spell-combat, where it has three daily charges the wearer can make use of.. This sentence is a little clunky. Where, comes to life, make use of, could all be removed or at least moved. They do not make the item stronger and IMHO drag it down by sheer volume. Also I would move the fragility info to the end, to get to the shiney sooner (yeah I went there :)
***does the reflection require a touch attack on the user's part? can a ray or pass through a square (not having line of sight?) I guess that is more for the line spell. Gaze attack is a Su ability, would this work on other Supernatural abilities (breath weapon line maybe?) Gaze attack has an area effect also, does the user reflecting a gaze attack prevent everyone from taking the attack? (did someone already catch all that?) (EDIT: at least partially :)
I like the shield item that is not a shield, and I desperately desperately desperately need something to counter the sorcerer's souped up enervate against my critters. Nice!

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Fetching ball

*I only got the energetic dog bit because of your intro. Not sure how to improve that image, but (based on my pups) sound is where I would go: scrambling claws, a bay or howl like a hunting dog, panting excitement, the clicking of KLIK. The imagery worked for me, but I did not the intro :)

** pricing seems fine, except it does last for a while. Especially as it apparently can move 400' pick up an object (move action) and move 400' back. Other spell options include mage hand (0 level) and unseen servant[/i] (1 level). though I think this would be a little SiaC in those cases.
***No weight limit? No size limits? If I am carrying the dwarven cleric across the chasm (climb in full plate?) and drop him 60 feet down, I can use the ball to retrieve him? Ok, 'object' is a game term, so dropped character would not qualify. But if I dropped him and he died from the 6d6 then it would be legit.

Still I like the image and it certainly has a usefulness. Maybe not great wyrm usefulness yet, but still good. :)

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


Minecart of Action and Adventure
Aura moderate conjuration and faint evocation;

Love the name! I think this is correct for aura, with enough concentration more can be discerned. Also in the feedback thread, Neil went into more detail on this. If it is still in my favorites I will link it.

*I would prefer this to be usable only underground, just for flavor and maybe to address Ronars concern.
**bullet lists usually are frowned upon, but I think that is because they are trying to cram too many things into an item (SAK). There is precedent for bullets in items however (gem of brightness, ivory goats, helm of brilliance. I think a line saying the cart 'has a base speed of X as modified by' with a list of inclines/number of people etc. would simplify much of this. I do not really have questions about it, but it would require a book being pulled out to adjudicate and a bullet list would make things easier on the GM & player. DC and modifiers might also benefit from this, but it might look more complicated and I would limit bullets to the movement if it did. It may also alleviate some of the word count issues. :)
***I agree the number of people is different small versus medium. what about large? why six? Three seemed kind of crowded and one of them was short stop...

Heitz's Dwarves had a system like this and I wanted to create one while reading the book. I am sure he was inspired by Indy as well :).

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

A quick question if I may?

I am working on an item that is worn from the ears (i.e. pirates ear-rings), but checking the slots, there doesn't seem to be a perfectly suitable slot.

Neck does list obvious things plus brooches, scarabs but no ear related adornments.

Head slot seems to me to just be too big a slot and so wrong.

Headband could be an option but again, headband slot doesn't mention ear rings in its list.

To add to my confusion, the eyes do have a dedicated slot!

I'm thinking that if I were submitting to Superstar, then I shouldn't be creating a new slot... so I'm leaning towards headband at present.

So what do you think would be correct for an ear-ring item - using a "new" slot of "Ears" (like the Eyes slot) or should I utilize the existing "headband" slot ?

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Oh dear dear me... pirate items are far too much fun to create.

The ewww factor can run off the scale so quickly...

(currently reviewing this bit of ewww)

"The addition of whale’s blood and seaweed to boiling ships hull tar produces this slimy black gum. The consistency of the gum when first chewed is like that of a desiccated tail of a shark that has been hung to dry for a month and the taste is like chewing unwashed socks of a sailor after a three month voyage.

After 4 rounds of chewing, the gum starts to produce an excess of liquid bile with the following properties: "

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Anthony Adam wrote:

Hey all

I am going to have a go at Wayfinder I think, a collection of 3 or 4 pirating items. So before I get on with them, I thought some general theme feedback would help me winnow my choices down to the ones you think might be worth pursuing (I'm listing them my favorite first to least favorite last)...

Items

...list...

Good luck Anthony!

The only ones I did not like were the essence of the octopoid (too niche), wailing flashpowder (too soon to tell, but i can think of abuse options), and the sustaining peg leg (leg that feeds you seems odd).

As for the ear item, you could list it as slot none if you didn't want to use a head slot. Maybe limit some wording to limit one pair worn?

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Quick rewrite, then I brush my hands. Thanks for the list idea Curaigh! They had a replica of the cart from movie the at a museum. We were able to squeeze 8 adults in it standing, 4 crouching. It was about 3 foot wide and 4 long.

Minecart of Action and Adventure
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 80,000 gp; Weight 400 lbs.
Description
This well-worn large steel minecart (5 ft. wide, 10 ft. long; 4 ft. high) covered in shallow dents, scrapes, and rust is a rectangular bucket with 3 foot tall sides, 4 wheels, and a lever on the front. The minecart holds 2 Medium or Small (max 6 if squeezing) occupants and can carry 1,000 lbs without penalty. The cart must travel along metal rails to function.

Moving the lever is a standard action. Pushing the lever forward accelerates the minecart 30 feet per round, to a max speed of 90 feet. The minecart accelerates down slope or decelerates upslope by 30 feet per round until reaching max speed. The minecart is decelerated 30 feet per round by pulling back the lever with a Strength ability check (DC 10 + 2 per 30 ft. of current speed). A single occupant can use Aid Another to assist. The cart must make a Reflex (DC 5 + 5 per 30 feet of speed) save or fall off the rails when turning. An occupant may lean in the direction of the turn as a move action, decreasing the save DC by 2 each.

The mine cart uses the following modifiers to its max speed:

  • Weight: -10 for each additional 100 pounds.
  • 10-45 degree upslope: Reduce speed by 1/2.
  • Greater than 45 degrees upslope: Reduce speed to 0.
  • 10-45 degree down slope: Double speed.
  • Greater than 45 degrees down slope: Triple speed.

The minecart of action and adventure has AC 9, hardness 20, 40 hp, CMB +1, CMD 11, and base save +0. Ramming the minecart reduces the ramming damage by one size category.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, phantom chariot; Cost 40,000 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Anthony Adam wrote:

Hey all

I am going to have a go at Wayfinder I think, a collection of 3 or 4 pirating items. So before I get on with them, I thought some general theme feedback would help me winnow my choices down to the ones you think might be worth pursuing (I'm listing them my favorite first to least favorite last)...

Items

...list...

Good luck Anthony!

The only ones I did not like were the essence of the octopoid (too niche), wailing flashpowder (too soon to tell, but i can think of abuse options), and the sustaining peg leg (leg that feeds you seems odd).

As for the ear item, you could list it as slot none if you didn't want to use a head slot. Maybe limit some wording to limit one pair worn?

Thanks. I have now confirmed with the editors that I should aim for only 4 or 5 items for a single article, so your feedback is very helpful. I will probably develop them all and then post here the one's I don't submit. :)

The peg leg description wasn't brilliant - it's actually the fish, barnacles and anemone decorations that are removable and become edible - which in turn gives a limit to the number of "meals" it can provide.

Yeah, the essence is quite niche, but also not limited to shipboard uses - I'll see how it turns out in the wash so to speak.

The wailing flashpowder is also under-going some revision - with the typical one shot pistols of the setting, I am thinking about giving it a fear check on hit type of effect - those pirates with guns could really scare you now! This might become the main power with the misfire wail becoming some sort of minor secondary power. Again, it's currently in the washing machine of my sub conscious being mulled over.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015 aka motteditor

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Here's the rewrite, which clarifies attacks of opportunity possibilities; gives it an effective Strength, which will now limit it to 10-pound items (thus preventing you from throwing a dwarf down a cliff, retrieving him and casting resurrection); and deals with it being constrained. I'm going back and forth on whether it needs a Strength and the latter restriction, but am leaning toward being pedantic. I also thought about just saying it can only retrieve items 10 pounds or less, which would be basically the same point as the Strength score. Also, not really worried that the dog image isn't coming across fully; that was more just explaining my inspiration.

Fetching ball [281 words]
Aura faint conjuration (teleportation); CL 1st
Slot none; Price 3,600 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This fist-sized ball, made of iron bands, thrums with energy, trembling in a user's hand.

When the user speaks the command word, the ball leaps from her hand toward any object within 400 feet that the user has dropped, thrown or fired, retrieving it and returning it to the user. This functions as if the object had the returning quality, though it will be returned to the square the user occupies even if she has moved from where she was when she dropped, threw or fired it. The fetching ball, which has an effective Strength score of 1 (so can only return items up to 10 pounds), will retrieve one item per round in the order that the user chooses as long as the item is not being restrained in some way (i.e. held by another creature, in a container, etc.). It functions until the user speaks the command word again or the user has no more items to be returned within range.

The fetching ball has AC 20, 10 hit points and hardness 10. It avoids threatened areas as it moves to an item but may provoke an attack of opportunity if the item that it is fetching is in a threatened area. If it is damaged, it returns to the user without any object. Any hit that causes it to gain the broken condition or that happens after it has the broken condition causes it to fall to the ground and not function until a user gives it the command word again.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, returning weapon; Cost 1,800 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

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Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


Minecart of Action and Adventure

"Quick rewrite" indeed :P - but what a transformation has occurred - very nicely done.

In the first sentence, in the measurements, I would stick with comma in place of that semicolon - but that's just me.

Also as you have it as 4 foot tall, you probably can dispense with the "3 foot tall sides" - wheels on mine carts aren't usually a foot in radius. :P

Obvious one, spell checker just pulled it up "Minecart" is not a word, stick a space in there, title and descriptions. :D

If it's a word count problem, once it's identified as a "mine cart", you can probably get away with just "cart" from that point on.

But yeah, much better rewrite - nice one.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Slap Stick

I will have to recheck the gnomish gprankster when I get home... Again I might be repeating some other critiques :(

*this line: "Cut-out wooden hands attached with a hinge that allows them to clap when shaken top this foot-long wooden stick." can be thinned. suggestion... Two hinged, wooden hands clap when shaken. can save you eight words. I think the original has a run-on feel to it (though technically it is not :) of course my fix lacks much to be sure... FWIW the second sentence is more evocative IMHO.
**perform check instead of a save? Raises a flag, though it does lesson the SiaC taste. It also ties in with the bardic performance so maybe it is enough to avoid SiaC. Does this work like a meta-magic rod then, elemental admixture with dancing instead of [fire]? errr... might even be a rod instead of a wondrous. but meh, it works for the practice of it. should there be a duration to it?
***is the +2 bonus once a day? does it have to be against targets of the same type since humor doesn't 'translate' well :)

Like I mentioned the garish face & corn silk hair really jumped out at me. Nice :)

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Anthony A. Scott wrote:

Here is the link to my original item with Sean's comments

Shelyn’s Thrush

Again, I think it is really cool of SKR to provide this kind of feedback to the near finishers :) I dinnae read the link just so I could get a fresh view first.

*when did the bird start flying? the user can catch it, it can be struck in combat, it reverts to its inanimate form, but nothing in its description tells me it animates or is not being wielded. In fact, the suggestion is that it must be held (RAW: presented) like a holy symbol to function.
**The feathers fade sentence could be simplified with some punctuation. Not saying it is the best way to go, but just that it is an option. Frex: While singing one feather fades per round (or 2 rounds in half time; or 2 feathers per round in double time). Also there is a guideline in normal writing to write out numbers under 10 ('two' rounds.) I THINK the digit 2 is preferred in game design though I will have to do some follow up on that. Cube of force and sovereign glue differ in this. Any thoughts??? :(
***drop the holy symbol bit until the end. The shiny is the song so list that first. Also not sure how many bard/cleric combos are out there. The appeal to characters might be limited (unless the holy symbol held some bonus for a perform check?)

I do like the singing bird with the glowing feathers, very Shelyn. Nice!
I am sure I read the feedback when it first posted, but now to go do so again :) Congratulation Anthony

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015 aka motteditor

Curaigh wrote:

Slap Stick

*this line: "Cut-out wooden hands attached with a hinge that allows them to clap when shaken top this foot-long wooden stick." can be thinned. suggestion... Two hinged, wooden hands clap when shaken. can save you eight words. I think the original has a run-on feel to it (though technically it is not :) of course my fix lacks much to be sure... FWIW the second sentence is more evocative IMHO.
**perform check instead of a save? Raises a flag, though it does lesson the SiaC taste. It also ties in with the bardic performance so maybe it is enough to avoid SiaC. Does this work like a meta-magic rod then, elemental admixture with dancing instead of [fire]? errr... might even be a rod instead of a wondrous. but meh, it works for the practice of it. should there be a duration to it?
***is the +2 bonus once a day? does it have to be against targets of the same type since humor doesn't 'translate' well :)

I think you're the first to critique this, so thanks. You're definitely right that that first sentence is a bit awkward and not as evocative as the second one.

Shouldn't be a Perform check vs. a save issue. It basically casts hideous laughter during a performance, so the save would have to be made normally. It's definitely a spell in a can, which is one of the automatic reject rules I called out that I was breaking.

I should have clarified that the +2 was while it was being held. Didn't think of having it be against the same type. But since Perform (comedy) could be used to benefit allies, who aren't necessarily of the same type, I'm not sure if that would work.

Star Voter 2013

@slot for earrings - While no slot for earrings has been defined in the past, one of the RPGsuperstar judges suggested that a magic earring should take up the ring slot. And, if it doesn't, then I'd vote for the head slot - the headband slot is almost exclusively for mental-boosting items. So much so that they added it in Pathfinder specifically for that. If you're going to use it, it better be worth the slot.

@Minecart v2 - I... still don't really like it. Most of the time, creatures won't mind squeezing into the fast-travel-machine. And the biggest difference, to me, is that it requires rails to run. Which means it's not a car anymore, it's a train.

@more mirror shield feedback - I really need to rewrite that thing.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

I was being tongue-in-cheek with humor not translating well (lo and it proved my point :) and that is a part of the spell. A DC is needed if it is casting the spell (so it does not scale with the user :)

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:


Headhunter's Elixir

*headshrinkers seems a more appropriate name, but hunter has more flavor. I am not sure what could be done to change it, or even if an oomph is needed.

**What is the weight of a shrunken head with the shriveled body still attached? IE can the sorcerer carry home the dead cleric & his plate mail? Does the gear also shrink? I assumed it did, but maybe only the body does? Does it matter if it is a halfling head or the tarrasque's?
***The simplicity of the item means I have very little to comment on. I think someone pointed out the commas being inside the italics bracket already.

hmmm... trying to think of ways to get from mature drake to great wyrm... person carrying the head may access one language or knowledge skill of the deceased... the carrier gains one commune question or speak with dead... carrier gains bonus to necro saves... carrier gains the ability to see into the etheral/astral/whatever plane... the owner of the head can be affected by cure/restoration spells (need some kind of limit) that manifest at resurrection/raising of the dead. All these suggestions will likely overcomplicate (read: ruin) your item, but i'd be happy to brainstorm more if you want to :)

A few rewrites to go over still, but I have my own rewrites to work on first :) any other comments on the bifurcating belt?

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Quick rewrite, then I brush my hands. Thanks for the list idea Curaigh! They had a replica of the cart from movie the at a museum. We were able to squeeze 8 adults in it standing, 4 crouching. It was about 3 foot wide and 4 long.

Minecart of Action and Adventure

Glad it helped :)

The speed in the list repeats some of the second paragraph. metal rails limits this severely (even mines turned dungeons rarely have rails...) "is decelerated" should be 'decelerates' :) Still a lot of fun. :)

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

Hey all

My pirate item tinkering for Wayfinder 8 continues and I have just imagineered a new item with a new mechanic - that of sacrificing HP (or possibly Con) permanently to gain a permanent bonus to a skill check.

It's a surgeons needle item, that guarantees wicked pirate scars - and if you sacrifice health when being sewn up, you gain a once only bonus on your intimidate skill, and equivalent penalty on diplomacy skill.

What are peoples thoughts on this?

... I'm thinking of a range (word count permitting) something like

no health sacrificed = nasty scar, no benefits
5 hp sacrificed = +1 bonus intimidate, -2 diplomacy
10 hp sacrificed = +2/-2
1 con point sacrificed = +2/-1
2 con points sacrificed = +2/no penalty.

Sacrificed health/Con cannot be restored even if the scars are magically healed away (via the Heal spell). You get one shot and one shot only when this item is used.

Any feedback gratefully received.

To Curaigh:

Hey Curaigh

If your offer is still open to review my first draft items, the first one is in your pm box. Thanks.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Bifurcating Belt

I have been waiting to see a rewrite. Anthony and Jacob covered the initial problems with the item and I didn't notice anything else.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Bifurcating Belt

I have been waiting to see a rewrite. Anthony and Jacob covered the initial problems with the item and I didn't notice anything else.

Me too - it had lots of promise for mayhem for my PCs :)

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015 aka motteditor

Anthony, I'm not sure I like that idea all that much, I'm sorry to say. Granted, I tend to be very conservative as a player, but there's no way I'm permanently sacrificing HP, and certainly not at a rate of 5 hp for a net -1 to skills.

Although this is what I'm thinking of doing, if I were you, I'd consider looking at the rules in the player's guide for the pirate scars, seeing if there's anything you can mine there for ideas.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Anthony Adam wrote:
I have just imagineered a new item with a new mechanic - that of sacrificing HP (or possibly Con) permanently to gain a permanent bonus to a skill check.

For the human Skilled racial trait it seems 1 hit point is equal to 1 skill rank. So 5 HP seems like big exchange. The only difference is this exchange lets you bypass the skill ranks per level and would need to be a typed bonus (i.e. circumstance). Since you are granted both a bonus and penalty, there should not be much of a problem for balance.

I think reducing the Diplomacy check takes away from the flavour.

Instead of creating an exemption to sacrifieced HP/Con, you could require that a higher level spell is needed to remove the scar and bonus/penalty.

I am preemptively stealing the idea for my game on Sat!

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

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Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Anthony, I'm not sure I like that idea all that much, I'm sorry to say. Granted, I tend to be very conservative as a player, but there's no way I'm permanently sacrificing HP, and certainly not at a rate of 5 hp for a net -1 to skills.

Although this is what I'm thinking of doing, if I were you, I'd consider looking at the rules in the player's guide for the pirate scars, seeing if there's anything you can mine there for ideas.

No need to apologise - we can't please all of the people all of the time as they say.

The values were an example, not a final tie down. I do aim to make it a kind of shift points thing - like the old old old rule of minus 2 from one attribute to add 1 to another that I half recall from some edition or other. I do intend also to make the sacrifice a "skill profit" rather than a skill loss in the final version.

Ohhh, there is a book with pirate scars in it - I assume you mean the player's guide for the shackles campaign? If not, let me know which one. Thanks.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Weird I thought I made a bunch of posts yesterday, but maybe it was Thursday and I am caught up. Have I missed critiquing anyone's item?

@anthony: As JM suggested look for rules on scars, but include tattoos in the search, they are often synonymous. Several deal with intimidation as well. I dinnae like the trade, but a needle to create intimidating scars IS a good idea.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Another deadline is upon me which I must keep, so I am postponing the rewrite for a couple of days. PaizoCon has really messed with my schedule :P

Corvid’s Caravan

Spoiler:

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

A simple looking wheeled box hold black, painted wings on its sides. The front of the box has a series of rope and leather straps that can be fit onto any tiny animal. Despite the name, any tiny creature may be harnessed to the caravan. Once attached, the box’s interior grows larger while its outside dimensions remain unchanged. The corvid caravan remains active for 5 hours each day, after which its contents are dumped out unceremoniously.

Attaching the harness is a full round action, though a magical beast may shrug itself into the harness in three minutes. The creature pulls the caravan without encumbrance though the DC to turn increases by 5. If attached to a magical beast, the box becomes a caravan large enough for eight creatures. Entering the caravan is a standard action requiring a touch attack (using the beast’s AC). A person inside that shares an empathic bond with the harnessed beast, may concentrate to share senses and may communicate with it as normal. He may also cast any transmutation spell that creates an extra-dimensional space (such as rope trick), to increase the duration of the caravan one hour per spell level. Other characters inside the caravan have no awareness of, and may not affect, the outside world.
When attaching the caravan to an animal that is not a magic beast the inside becomes large enough for items weighing up to 500 pounds. This usually requires pushing the animal, but the person attaching the caravan gains a +5 caravan bonus on handle animal checks with the creature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, rope trick Cost 5,000 gp

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

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Corvid's Caravan
Ohhh, Tardis on wheels - love it

Can use my familiar magical beast to pull it - get in.

Like this item, very cool idea... but being a Whovian makes me slightly biased :) Unfortunately it made me put my thinking hat on - might be a bit bumpy ride this one :D (couldn't resist)

Some initial issues I had with the current write up...

Corvid is genus of the Jay family (e.g. Blue Jay), couldn't work out the link in the name and I couldn't find a Pathfinder reference other than someone winning a corvid-blooded boon... I'm guessing it's Advanced Races maybe or not in the PRD that I could find?

"When attaching the caravan to an animal that is not a magic beast the inside becomes large enough for items weighing up to 500 pounds" - so how many pounds do you equate to the magical beast "eight creatures" size? (I suggest 8 small or medium, with a Large creature just squeezing in taking 2 medium slots, nothing larger can get in) and also add some weight for non creature portage ( a small or medium driver with 800lbs portage (magical draft beast) / 500 lbs portage (non-magical draft beast)... otherwise evil GMs will...

"You find this blue wheeled box with a clock counting down. It looks like the original setting was 5 hours, but there's only 5 seconds left. What do you do?"

... 5

... 4

... 3

... 2

... 1

Poof, A rather bemused Tiamat and 4 ancients of her sisterhood seem to have emerged simultaneously from the box... they appear to be hungry and tetchy. Roll for Init..."

What happens to the content if the magical beast is unharnessed with content / creatures still inside? How long does it take to shrink back when the beast is removed?

"I summon my familiar into the harness with the small box gently resting on the dragon's head... dragon's head slips inside, now immediately dismiss the familiar - oh dear, it pulped the dragons head - load up that hoard :D"

If the owner doesnt have an empathic bond, how does he know how to steer the beastie from inside the box - or does he have to sit outside in that instance?

I'm not sure I want to put a beast on a caravan and then have to attack it to get inside, I think that should only be needed if you are not "welcome" by the person who attaches/owns/has link with the beastie.

You might also want to consider letting anyone inside taking over if the current controller dies whilst inside (or unceremoniously dump them out).

Finally, what happens if a naughty mage casts dispel when the box is occupied? - hey, it could happen :P

It also seems slightly pricey for what is effectively a portable wagon - I would probably get a real one, some horses and a professional driver and pocket quite some change.

Sorry, a few holes for you to fill, but I do like the idea :)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Corvid's Caravan

Like Anthony, I didn't get the name connection to the powers of the item besides the wings painted on the box. A crow animal companion becomes a magical beast. And it carries the box? Why not companion's caravan so it is less inclusive.

How big is the box? This would effect the opening to put items inside. At 1 pound the box could not be very big. Fine or diminutive sized?

Why not use secret box as the prereq spell? I read this item and immediatley thought of a box of holding.

Why increase the turn DC? Is the box a vehicle? I picture it more like a box worn like a backpack.

Can creatures inside breathe normally?

Anthony pointed out most of the possible abuses for the item.

I think this item is priced slightly too cheap. It is the equivalent to a bag of holding, type II limited to 5 hours a day (expandable), but 4% of the bag's weight, most likey a much smaller size, and the ability to carry creatures.

My favorite part is the ability to increase the usage by giving up a spell. Pretty nifty!

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

It's been a week people! Get a crackin'.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Agreed. Two rewrites by the end of the week (Saturday for me :) to hopefully answer some questions. I think the rule changed from 3.5 to PF about animal companions. Are they magical beasts?

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
It's been a week people! Get a crackin'.

Sorry, been working on my wayfinder submission. The items I have ideas for that don't make my cut for that submission will, in all likelihood, end up herein :)

Star Voter 2013

Right, I've been putting it off for way too long. Here's that rewrite I said I'd do.

Spellwatcher Mirror (mirror shield v2)
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 80,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Inside this glassy circle bound in gold, with a simple steel handle mounted at one end, one can see more than one’s own reflection. Through the mirror, one can see the subtle weave of magic reflected as well, lines normally invisible to the naked eye. But this is only a shadow of the mirror’s true power, which lies in spell-combat, where it can deflect, or even reflect spells and similar effect.

As an immediate action, the bearer of the spellwatcher mirror may expend one charge to deflect any one ray or gaze attack they are aware of and is targeted at them, harmlessly deflecting and dissipating the original energy. The bearer of the mirror can use this ability up to three times per day.

Alternately once per day as a readied action, the bearer can instead reflect any gaze effect, ray or line spell targeted at them or that would otherwise have to pass through their space. The bearer of the spellwatcher mirror must be aware of the incoming attack, though they do not need to know of its exact nature.

When reflected, the effect continues in a direction of the bearer's choosing, including choosing a new target if the spell or effect is a single target effect. The new target can be targeted so long as the effect does not surpass its maximum range, including the distance from the original source to the bearer. If the effect had an attack roll, the bearer of the spellwatcher mirror must make a new roll.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning; Cost 40,000 gp

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Right, I've been putting it off for way too long. Here's that rewrite I said I'd do.

Spellwatcher Mirror (mirror shield v2)

*, the word 'one' appears too often IMHO in the first sentence (I might be including bound phonetically). Same with target and targeted.I think repetition is high overall.

**mechanically I think this is a spot on, but again a little repetitive. I like the maximum range mechanic.
*** last word para 1 needs an 's', Choose a gender and leave 'they' out.

The name works with the 'common' item and evocative hint to its purpose. I was expecting a bit of arcane eye, or spellcraft in the item, reinforced by the 'through the mirror one can see...' but still good.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Spellwatcher Mirror

Through the mirror, one can see the subtle weave of magic reflected as well, lines normally invisible to the naked eye.

I would clean up that sentance. "Through the mirror, the bearer can view the subtle weave of the magic being reflected, which is normally invisible to the naked eye." Maybe? Or did you mean anyone can see the invisible magic? Sentance was a bit confusing for me.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
As an immediate action, the bearer of the spellwatcher mirror may expend one charge to deflect any one ray or gaze attack they are aware of and is targeted at them, harmlessly deflecting and dissipating the original energy. The bearer of the mirror can use this ability up to three times per day.

Needs clarified. The first part lists charge use and the second lists a use per day.

RonarsCorruption wrote:
Alternately once per day as a readied action,

I would use "additionally" in the place of alternately. Or "instead of" if that is what you meant.

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Curaigh wrote:
Agreed. Two rewrites by the end of the week (Saturday for me :) to hopefully answer some questions. I think the rule changed from 3.5 to PF about animal companions. Are they magical beasts?

No. You are right animal companions remain animals. Familiars become magical beasts.

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
RonarsCorruption wrote:

... Through the mirror, one can see the subtle weave of magic reflected as well...

Hey Ronars,

I also struggled with the first paragraph (and everyone knows I'm not the best at those bits).

I also had issue in particular with the snippet I have quoted.

I am assuming we are referring to looking at the reflections in the mirror surface, which made me wonder, have I now got a mirror that gives free detect magic in the reflections on it's surface? Mirror pointed at cat - no wavy lines, mirror pointed at bag of holding, ohhh wavy lines.

I think possibly you meant that weaving lines of magic traverse the images within the surface of the mirror maybe? i.e. it's the visible exhibition of the magic inherent in the mirror itself and not a reflection of magic weave being shown for items being viewed via the mirror?

I hope that makes sense, as I struggled to describe clearly the interpretation that could be made.

Star Voter 2013

Well, it was more flavor text than anything - I was implying that one could see ley-lines in the mirror, a magical power source that is implied in may campaign settings but never really confirmed for Pathfinder.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Rewrite of Bifurcating Belt

Spoiler:

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot belt; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A grim face comprises the buckle on this belt of thick iron. Closing the buckle splits the face into two profiles turned back to back. As a swift action the wearer may split her upper torso into two copies for the round. The two halves are back to back on the same pair of legs and each wields whatever weapons or shield the wearer was holding at the time. Each copy counts as an ally for the purpose of any combat teamwork feats she may have. The multiple arms grant an additional attack when the wearer takes a full attack action (at her highest attack bonus). The dual heads grant a +4 bonus to perception. The copies meld together at the end of her turn.
The wearer may also split her form as an immediate action. Bifurcating this way prevents the wearer from being flanked as well as sharing teamwork feats, and the perception bonus. She also gains her shield or Two Weapon Defense bonuses even if she used the item to attack during her previous action. The copies meld together at the beginning of her next turn.
The bifurcation can be used twice a day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, beast shape III; Cost 9,000 gp

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Bifurcating Belt

I am pretty sure beast shape III in not the appropriate spell for this item, since that would infer an animal form. I think monstrous physique or alter self is more appropriate.

Why doesn't the flanking prevention happen for both forms?

Does the copy have armor on?

Why two different actions to use? Keeping the same action and base abilities could save you word count and make the item easier to use/remember.

Always capitalize skills, you forgot to capitalize Perception twice.

Craft Wondrous Item, not Items

Bifurcation is not mentioned in the first paragraph. Since the first usage does not mention it, a rules lawyer could argue there is unlimited uses for the first activation and 2/day for the second.

All that being said, the rules interpretations needed for actions against the equipment, equipment with once a day abilites being doubled, and the copy being used for teamwork feats does not really set well with me.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Hi guys,

I have thrown together these five items for the PC's in my Realm of the Fellnight Queen PbP. While these are specifically tailored to the characters, and not all together up to Superstar quality, I'd still like to hear what you think of them. Note that the price of each is just a very rough ball-park, and that I have not judiciously prof-read them.

Badge of the Faithful Companion:

Badge of the Faithful Companion
Aura faint abjuration and enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This circular disk of darkwood features mithril inlays depicting a hawk soaring over a crescent moon. A small pin on the back allows it to be fastened to a cloak or shirt. It functions as a holy symbol of Ketephys.
If a worshiper of Ketephys is wearing a Badge of the Faithful Companion while casting shield other on his animal companion, the bonuses to AC and saves granted by the spell are doubled. In addition, the caster is granted 10 temporary hit points, which may only be used to negate damage taken through the spell.
Construction
RequirementsCraft Wondrous Items, aid, shield other Cost 4,000 gp

Feyfriend Circlet:

Feyfriend Circlet
Aura faint abjuration and transmutation ; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 8,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This delicate silver circlet is decorated with images of various fey creatures engaged in frolic. It is usually presented as a gift to non-fey to better help them participate in fey festivities.
If the wearer of a Feyfriend Circlet possesses the Iron Will feat, he is treated as having Improved Iron Will. This includes instances where Iron Will is gained through temporary means, such as magic items or the adaptation ability of a ranger with the infiltrator archetype.
In addition, a Feyfriend Circlet grants the wearer a +2 bonus to diplomacy when dealing with fey.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Iron Will, eagle’s splendor, resistance, Cost 4,000 gp

Helm of brutal discouragement:

Helm of brutal discouragement
Aurafaint necromancy; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The visor of this metal helmet is wrought to imitate a fearsome demonic visage. When worn, it amplifies the wearers ability to weaken the resolve of his opponents.

If an opponent that the wearer has succesfully made shaken through the use of demoralize attempts to directly attack the wearer, even with a targeted spell, it must first make a DC 13 Will save. If the save succeeds, the opponent can attack normally. If the save fails, the opponent can't follow through with the attack, that part of its action is lost, and it immediately becomes frightened for the remaining duration of the demoralize.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, sanctuary, scare; Cost 4,000 gp

Stormcaster gloves:

Stormcaster gloves
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 8,000 gp; Weight -
Description
These fine grey gloves are adorned with five clear gems on each hand. Whenever the wearer casts a spell with the [sonic] or [electricity] descriptor, one of the gems on each hand fills with a swirl of dark clouds.

Once all five gems are filled, the wearer of the gloves can activate them as part of spellcasting to apply the Thundering Spell metamagic feat to that spell. Using the gloves in this way does not change the slot of the altered spell, but a spontaneous caster must still use a full-round action to cast a spell in this way. Once the spell is cast, all five gems turn clear again.

Alternatively, the wearer may expend just one active gem when casting Gozreh’s trident to give the summoned bolt the thundering special ability. Using the gloves in this manner does not count towards charging up a gem.

If the wearer removes the gloves, all gems turn clear.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Thundering Spell, blindness/deafness; Cost 4,000 gp

Necklace of Arcane Resonance:

Necklace of Arcane Resonance
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot neck; Price 8,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This exquisite necklace is crafted from dozens of tiny, brightly colored crystal rods. When worn, the rods seem to resonate softly whenever the wearer speaks or sings.
If the wearer uses a spell trigger or spell completion item while maintaining a bardic performance, he may as a free action expend another daily use of his bardic performance to increase the save DC or the caster level of the item by two.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Harmonic Spell, arcane concordance; Cost 4,000 gp

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Bifurcating Belt

I am pretty sure beast shape III in not the appropriate spell for this item, since that would infer an animal form. I think monstrous physique or alter self is more appropriate.

Why doesn't the flanking prevention happen for both forms?

Does the copy have armor on?

Why two different actions to use? Keeping the same action and base abilities could save you word count and make the item easier to use/remember.

Always capitalize skills, you forgot to capitalize Perception twice.

Craft Wondrous Item, not Items

Bifurcation is not mentioned in the first paragraph. Since the first usage does not mention it, a rules lawyer could argue there is unlimited uses for the first activation and 2/day for the second.

All that being said, the rules interpretations needed for actions against the equipment, equipment with once a day abilites being doubled, and the copy being used for teamwork feats does not really set well with me.

errr...

I am failing to make something clear that I need y'all's help with. I think when I get that right, the rest of the stuff will hopefully fall in place :) (spoilered below). I chose beast form as it is the first to offer pounce (and enough other items to justify the feat working) which is the closest thing I have found. I will check the other spells you suggested, I am sure they will work better. :)

Spoiler:
the bifurcation does not last for a full round, it only lasts for your turn in the round. Not the round itself. Flanking has no affect on you during your turn, but if you want to not be flanked I can use the extra words. Similarly dropping a duplicated weapon can't be picked up (a move action) until someone else's turn by which time it is already gone. Magic and wands or other once a day items have no affect. Casting a spell is a standard action. Using a wand is a standard action. The extra attack granted requires a full attack action. Full attack action is called out in the item, but the belt offers no bonus to a standard action. Actually it works just like haste in that regard, but with only haste the feat needed something. As written this is clear to me. As written it is not clear to y'all. How can I make it more clear? :)
Really an "S" that is a cut and paste at this point, How did I screw that up!?!, I am such a dork. :)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Curaigh wrote:
I chose beast form as it is the first to offer pounce (and enough other items to justify the feat working) which is the closest thing I have found.

Pounce? Feat? What are you talking about? I am more confused now...

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
equipment with once a day abilites being doubled

What I meant here was if you had a shield with the blinding special quality, how does the copy shield resolve the use/day limit? Same as if a weapon had the spell storing quality and was then doubled, would the spell be stored in the copy sword for release?

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

Jacob Trier wrote:

Hi guys,

I have thrown together these five items for the PC's in my Realm of the Fellnight Queen PbP. While these are specifically tailored to the characters, and not all together up to Superstar quality, I'd still like to hear what you think of them. Note that the price of each is just a very rough ball-park, and that I have not judiciously prof-read them.

Very good campaign specific items. Good flavour for them and I hope the bearers of the items appreciate your effort on their behalf. Prices are a little off, but not by much, but I am guessing you were more worried about not creating a wealth disparity amongst the group. Magic item names in the description are not normally capitalized unless it is a proper name but should be in the Title.

Badge of the Faithful Companion The imagery is very appropriate for an elven god with the animal domain. I would expand to the effect to the spell being cast on any animal. Would be more useful for a larger variety of character concepts. This item was my favorite of the bunch.

Feyfriend Circlet "various fey creatures engaged in frolic" doesn't read well for me. Maybe remove various and change engaged to another verb. Again a very niche item. You could grant Iron Will with the item and Improved Iron Will if the character already had Iron Will.

Helm of brutal discouragement The abiltiy paragraph feels disjointed.

Stormcaster gloves I like the optional use with the Gozreh's trident. I think saying "thundering special ability" should not have italics. If you had said "the bolt becomes a thundering weapon" italics are needed.

Necklace of Arcane Resonance Bardic performance is not tracked by uses per day. You should refer to additional rounds being used to increase the caster level or DC. But using one round of bardic performance to increase by +2 seems a little much. I would only allow a +1 to the check. Spell Focus allows only a +1 to a specific school DC, this ability allows a +2 to either a caster level or DC for any school making this item worth much more than 8k, I would figure closer to the 24k gp area. This is the only item that is drasctically priced wrong in my opinion.


Hello.

I'm new to this Wondrous Item designing. Never done this. Sure, I've made some items to my homebrew but not with so much detail. And never critiqued anyone either about their items.

But still, I want to do this. Badly. Because it feels like fun! So just you wait, I'll begin my practice with The Beard Braids of Sustenance! ..which are not yet ready, but soon!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Thanks a bunch for your feedback, Thomas. I adjusted the items based on your advice. I just posted the final versions in my Realm of the Fellnight Queen game. In case you are interested, there is a link to the game in my profile, and lurkers are always welcome.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

hargoyle wrote:

Hello.

I'm new to this Wondrous Item designing. Never done this. Sure, I've made some items to my homebrew but not with so much detail. And never critiqued anyone either about their items.

But still, I want to do this. Badly. Because it feels like fun! So just you wait, I'll begin my practice with The Beard Braids of Sustenance! ..which are not yet ready, but soon!

Welcome hargoyle,

It is definitely a fun contest to participate in, the atmosphere on the boards is real friendly and you can learn quite a lot, even if you don't make it into the Top 32.

There is a lot of great stuff hidden in the various threads from past years, so better start reading. I'd say that you can find everything you need to make a great wondrous item right here, if you have the ability to absorb all the fantastic advice that is distributed from judges and participants alike.

Star Voter 2013

Absolutely, welcome to the brainstorming, Hargoyle!

And if you want to critique any of the items you see in the thread already, go ahead. We relish the feedback. We also ketchup it.

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Absolutely, welcome to the brainstorming, Hargoyle!

And if you want to critique any of the items you see in the thread already, go ahead. We relish the feedback. We also ketchup it.

*ouch*

Welcome Hargoyle

Also *nom nom nom* :)

Sczarni RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Champion Voter 2013, Champion Voter 2014, Marathon Voter 2015

hargoyle wrote:

Hello.

I'm new to this Wondrous Item designing. Never done this. Sure, I've made some items to my homebrew but not with so much detail. And never critiqued anyone either about their items.

But still, I want to do this. Badly. Because it feels like fun! So just you wait, I'll begin my practice with The Beard Braids of Sustenance! ..which are not yet ready, but soon!

I wish I had practiced before my first submission in the 2011 competition. It turns out creating an item only a derro would be crazy enough to use was a bad idea and I felt a little discouraged after reading the feedback. But I read through the judges feedback from previous competitions and created quite a quite a few items before 2012. Which went much better...

Star Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

wow still 50+ words over, this one is taking me while to clean up (probably too complicated eh? :)

Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014, Star Voter 2015

Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Comics Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion Subscriber
Curaigh wrote:
wow still 50+ words over, this one is taking me while to clean up (probably too complicated eh? :)

he he, know that feeling.

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