Judges, Please Critique My Item


RPG Superstar™ 2011 General Discussion

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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Bruce Snow wrote:
Boots of the Sneak Thief

*...Not exciting. And it's 90% boots of elvenkind. Reject.

*...Not innovative enough. This item might make a book of magic items, just not RPG Superstar.

*...The pricing seems off by 100 gp, unless that's what they're attributing to the masterwork thieves tools.

*...Vote to Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Kyr wrote:
Hell Brand Tattoo

*...Eesh. Certainly a dark item for evil players and villains. And that's a lot of abilities for 92,000 gp. Definitely a bit of SAK going on in the design, but almost all of those things make good, thematic sense. I'm a little bothered by the Informs ability of manufacturing stuff like claws. The designer should probably mention the damage those claws do would correspond to a creature's size as a natural attack. Clearly, they were going for minor creation to explain the simple tools and what-not, but should probably reference that spell in the description to explain how it works. That puts at least a couple of SIAC effects into it.

*...I don't know. I'm not really thrilled by this concept. But the idea of a magical tattoo could be a lot of fun. This one does more than I'd probably like. But, it's written very well. It has good flavor and mojo. They used the provided tempate almost perfectly. So there's good attention to detail here. I'm inclined to Keep.

*...Super SAK/shopping list.

*...Hell is a place, a proper noun, and thus should be capitalized.

*...In this instance, they were using it as an adjective, right? I don't know that I'd ding them too hard for that. In actuality, I wish they'd called it a hellbrand tattoo.

*...It's actually not written that well: missing commas, no info on how often you can do inkforms, diplomacy in lower case, "non magical."

*...Yep, you're right. I did like 25-30 reviews today. Maybe I skimmed this one or something? I went back and read it and more flaws become evident. I retract my well-written commentary. And that would certainly push me from an "inclined to Keep" to at least an "on the fence..."

*...It's slotless, but you can only wear one at a time.

*...Can't be removed, ever. Which means if you fight a guy with one of these, you can't loot it as treasure.

*...That would be kind of annoying.

*...It's a "Hell" brand tattoo, but it has a DEMON spirit in it.

*...Now that's just funny. I don't know why I missed that one.

*...Doesn't say "creator must be evil," and in fact doesn't even have any evil or conjuration requirements. Reject.

*...I've noticed a lot of people really enchanted with the notion of Hellknights and Cheliax as a nation they enjoy. It seems more and more like a trend of accepting those elements as not inherently "evil" has crept into the thinking of many gamers. Or, maybe they recognize it as evil, but they're more open to running evil characters or all-evil campaigns. I believe I know a certain developer at Paizo who runs such a campaign... ;-)

*...Regardless, your detailed analysis and rock solid logic have persuaded me entirely off the fence at this point. I'll move the lever over to the Reject side now.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Haraash Saan wrote:
GLOVE OF PEERING AND GRASPING

*...Why is blink in the spell requirements for these gloves? That spell pretty much avoids going through solid objects. Something like ethereal jaunt or passwall would make better sense.

*...That said, the item says what it does and does what it says. I don't see any duration for how long you can leave your hand inside (or through) a solid object. But I do like the 5-pound limitation on transporting anything through the solid object...and the 3/day usage (though, really, who needs to stick their hand through walls that many times a day?).

*...I'm concerned this item makes adventuring easier. But, so do spells like clairaudience/clairvoyance. If this were a SIAC item duplicating that spell 3 times/day, would we view it the same? I'm also concerned that you can see what's on the other side of the door...realize there are bad things there...and then reach back through with an alchemist's bomb, orb from a necklace of fireballs, etc. That'd be frustrating to deal with as a GM.

*...Also, I notice the designer didn't proofread this item well enough. There's a typo in the very first statement of the description. So, based on all that...I'm voting to Reject.

*...I can't get over the fact that it's a sense-altering glove. I can't think of any logical reason that something I put on my hand should affect what I can perceive. That's just not how magic item slots work. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Lars Lundberg wrote:
Disk of Launching

*...A manapult? I...don't know where to begin. Not particularly liking the core concept as a Superstar item. Leaning to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Roy Wagner wrote:
Cipher Ward Cloak

*...Interesting. It's like a hacker device for pass phrases built into abjuration spells. Of course, this wouldn't affect spells that trigger based on your alignment, race, etc. Just the ones requiring a password. On its surface, I kind of like the idea. It also has vibes of what I imagine a Cyphermage from Riddleport might design...or a high-level wizard arcane-spy-wannabe.

*...Mechanically, however, I'm wondering if a Linguistics or Spellcraft check makes the best vehicle for resolving password hacking. It's certainly an innovative way to go about it. But it also makes this item hard to price. Is 12,000 gp enough? I'm inclined to think it is...

*...Lastly, I'm also left examining this device and considering how often it would see use in a game. Do PCs routinely encounter password-coded abjuration spells? I don't think they do. And that makes this item feel a lot more like a home campaign item.

*...Regardless, there's some spark to this thing. It's written well. They used the provided template perfectly. Mechanically, it's a little suspect, but holds up. And thematically, it's got the seed of a good core idea. I'm inclined to Keep.

*...Only rogues can detect magical traps (like glyphs, symbols, etc.) with the Perception skill. This item lets you bypass that limitation, which means it's stealing from the rogue class. Reject.

*...Awww, c'mon...you telling me wizards wouldn't develop an ability (even in a wondrous item) to bypass one another's wards by figuring out the passcode rather than thunderously tearing down one another's abjurations with dispel magic, etc.? I mean, knock and find traps steal bits and peices from the rogue class, too. Besides, I always hated the fact that you had to be a rogue to bypass magical traps and glyphs. This is case where I think breaking that rule could be appropriate.

*...At-will detect magic to detect it. Dimension door to bypass it. Erase to erase it. Or, lacking erase, dispel magic to destroy it. So yeah, I think wizards (and bards) have the means to do this. They wouldn't create an item to do it... this item is a way for non-rogues and non-wizards (or bards) to get in on that action. Which means it's an item poaching a class ability. :P

*...Reject - makes adventuring easy. Requires DMs to track & convey excessive information to players. Boring.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

fatouzocat wrote:
Canary Cage Delver

*...A 40 lb. cage on wheels to act as a remote sensor and help you detect deadly hazards?! I don't even like the idea, much less the execution of it. Who's going to lug this thing around? Who's going to waste 10,000 gp on it? Why would anyone view this as innovative? And when is the need for using it going to come up all that often? To me, that's a knock against the creativity.

*...the very first sentence has some subject-verb problems. So that's a knock on the writing skill.

*...Mechanically, the item makes reference to being able to travel 15 feet per round over "coarse terrain" which apparently excludes "difficult terrain"...or just any terrain that requires (A)crobatics checks or (C)limb checks (both of which should be capitalized when referencing the skill names. Meanwhile, the item name itself and the spells in the construction requirements should be lowercase (and the spells need to be alphabetized and italicized). So, that's a knock against the mechanics of the item and another knock against the presentation.

*...Finally, we learn that the canary is also sold separately. Vote to Reject.

*...I agree....Also, why's this a cigar-shaped mirror? It seems like a much smaller item could be made to serve as a mining canary (which I'd have preferred to remain the item's theme and not it's literal use) and one that's much cheaper. Reject.

*...Summoned monsters aren't even killed when you kill them, so this item is pointless.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Guardianknight wrote:
Scabbard of Echoes

*...I consider mirror image as really more of a defensive spell than something that helps distract your opponent to improve your attacks. But setting that aside, this item boils down to a simple bonus on feint combat maneuvers.

*...The Improved Feint and Greater Feint feat chain under Combat Expertise only allow you to feint as a move action. This scabbard lets you do it as a free action. A lot of rogue builds favor the feint feat chain because it can let them get off multiple sneak attacks against flat-footed foes, even without the benefit of surprise or a flanking ally. So, this thing has the potential to truly magnify that situation for only 6,000 gp.

*...This is pretty much the true strike of CMBs executing a feint. And it can be done over and over when the weapon is drawn. So, presumably, you can keep resheathing and drawing the weapon to produce the effect like a samurai or something.

*...I don't know. It doesn't feel all that balanced to me. I've got concerns about the mechanics and the price. Leaning to Reject.

*...Yeah, mirror image is totally the wrong spell here. I would love to find a great feint-boosting item to include in the top 32, but this isn't it. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Nermal2097 wrote:
Arcanocrystal

*...With the use of the word "colours" this must be one of our friends from Europe, Canada, or Australia, I assume?

*...I like the idea of playing around with stuff that enhances a wizard's arcane bonded object. Don't like seeing it referenced with Capital Letters in the descriptive text.

*...Changing one energy type to another is not an innovative or even a new idea. We've seen many variant class abilities or evoker-oriented abilities in the past that allow that type of thing.

*...The item is WAY overpriced, in my opinion. Also, don't really care for the name. It's very uninspired. Vote to Reject.

*...It's basically a metamagic rod (Elemental Spell) in a different shape.

*...I like that it's specifically tied to an arcane bond item.

*...I like that it has charges (unlimited-use metamagic rods annoy me, means you don't need to take the feat). (I would have liked it even more if it had only 10 charges.)

*...But those features aren't enough to change that it's a feat-in-a-can. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Bugromkiller wrote:
Gloves of Passage

*...Way too powerful. Open to abuse. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Bart Vervaet wrote:
THIRD EYE

*...Eh. Not really a fan of the non-removable item without sacrificing 2 Con points.

*...Beyond that, it's really more of a prying eye than a clairvoyance spell...which should actually be written as clairaudience/clairvoyance and not stand-alone.

*...Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

*...Name is crap, too (autorej #16).

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

speed66 wrote:
The Ever Seeking Compass

*...Aiyiyi...Just all kinds of messed up in this submission. Poor writing. Poor mechanics. Poor presentation. Vote to Reject.

*...Pirates of the Caribbean called, they want their gimmick back. Reject.

*...Agreed. Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

SirGeshko wrote:

Gorum's Wrath

Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot -; Price 5,800 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
First developed by an Orc shaman, this pitted, iron sphere resembles a crude shot put, but is greatly feared by heavily armored Dwarven phalanxes. The ball explodes on impact, releasing a corrosive, blood-red mist that quickly fills a 20 ft radius. All ferrous weapons, armor, and creatures in the cloud are affected as if touched by Rusting Grasp each round they remain in the area. Magic items are immune to this effect. The fog lasts for 7 rounds or until dispersed as Obscuring Mist. Unlike that spell, Gorum's Wrath does not drastically reduce vision, granting only concealment (20% miss chance) to those inside.
Experienced generals know to target the carriers of these devices. Gorum's Wrath detonates whether thrown or dropped, but always turns the tide of battle.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Rusting Grasp, Obscuring Mist; Cost 2,900 gp

*...Gorum likes iron, he wouldn't destroy it. His druids are forbidden from using the rusting grasp spell. So this item fails on a lore basis. Which is sad, because in terms of its effects, I like it, even though it's a SIAC. Reject.

*...Hmmm...I too like the effects. This would make a much better alchemist-inspired item if they'd just ditch the Gorum backstory. You want to Reject just based on messing up Golarion lore? I can support that. Just want to know if that's a prime offense worthy of a full rejection...and, if so...I too vote to Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

TwoWolves wrote:
Lantern of Shadows

*...This is very similar to the other incorporeal-revealing lantern we already saw, but I think I like this one better. I'll have to go back and dig up that other one to really compare.

*...As always, pricing becomes an issue when a reusable item requires ongoing recharging using cost-specific components. What do others think?

*...Agreed...in that I like this one better. It also has better attention to detail, though the fuel crafting via alchemy and the burning of it gave me pause as I wanted to make sure I fully understood it. That said, this special fuel could be a fun item for alchemists to make and employ in this item if they go ghost hunting. Vote to Keep.

*...Agreed. Keep.

*...Note to my fellow judges...There have been two RPG Superstar items in prior years of the contest (2008 and 2009) that dabbled in this area. The first, a torch of solidity, has very similar themes to this thing. And the second, the horn of the dark hunt, focused more on tracking incorporeal undead rather than making them corporeal for the purposes of attacking them. Even so, we may want to reconsider how innovative we view this item to be. I have a feeling the designer may not have gone back to review all of the items from prior years (i.e., there's 96 of them now). And, they may have just carved out a niche they thought no one else had explored yet. Something to consider as we start lining up the Top 32.

*...I think an item that's this similar to an item from a prev year shouldn't advance. I don't want to start a trend that making an item like a prev Top 32 is an easy way into the competition... whether or not that duplication was intentional. Which means I think we should Reject this...

*...Yeah, if reading over those older entries, I think we have to reject this one on grounds of parallel development. We should add this to the auto-reject advice for next year, as in, "don't assume that because you haven't read past years' top 32s that your item can be similar and still get through." Reject.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Tarakin wrote:
Candle of Detection

*...Rough writing and typos throughout this description kills this item dead for me. Mildly interesting concept, though. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Rory_N wrote:
QUILL OF THE HEDGEHOG

*...They've got the price and the cost backwards on this thing.

*...There's no such thing as "nil" weight in wondrous item design.

*...Other than that, it's a passable low-level magic item. I'm just not sure it's got enough going for it to warrant inclusion in the Top 32.

*...I'm also put off by the "natural resistance versus the venom of a snake (+1)"...which I assume is meant to be a +1 bonus on Fortitude saves versus the poison of venomous snakes. It's just worded strange. And it leaves me with the impression that this designer doesn't fully understand the rules or how to craft a properly presented item using them.

*...As such, I'm leaning to flat out reject this one. But I'm curious to see if any of you want to champion it.

*...I think even someone championing it would be wasting his time. On top of the design issues you raised, the contestant also failed to utilize the formatting template, which in conjunction with clearly not having a strong grasp of the game rules, shows me that he or she also lacks understanding of the rules of the contest. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

WelbyBumpus wrote:
Bully Torc

*...So, you exude a menacing aura that makes people act friendly toward you...for 1d6 hours?! Yeah, right. More likely, they'd be scared to death of you, demoralized, and seek to avoid you for the next 1d6 hours...or more!

*...You then can get a +2 bonus on damage rolls...for 1 round? And, assuming you've got iterative attacks and that round is spent on a full round action...the damage bonus goes up for every swing-and-a-miss? Really? That's supposed to be Superstar design?

*...Lastly, if someone manages to put the "bully" in his place by frightening or panicking him, the torc goes dormant for 24 hours. Well sign me up! This is just the item I've been hankering for...! Not. Vote to Reject.

*...Well, the "act friendly toward you" is a normal use of the Intimidate skill (they revert to unfriendly afterwards), so this item is just extending the duration of the normal skill use.

*...I would have liked it better if they let the damage apply to thrown weapons; bullies throw rocks and stuff all the time, and it's a Strength-related application of the rage source spell.

*...And I kinda like the increased damage if you miss. But I would have added an attack penalty to it, like Power Attack does. Not bad, but could be a lot better. Tinker with it and maybe it'll stick next year. Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

MeanDM wrote:
Zalindi’s Minute Wardrobe

*...Boring. Don't care for the "show your math" at this stage of the competition either.

*...Nothing Superstar about a tiny wardrobe with several changes in...um, wardrobe. I also don't get why the outfits grant a bonus on Diplomacy with each class. Regular clothing doesn't do that and there's nothing that says these outfits are any better than those. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Marley Gable wrote:
Gallowsrope of Sacrificial Wisdom

*...Well it's a SAK. And it's mechanically baffling. Reject.

*...Yeah, tons of SAK here, though the item is nice and creepy.

*...The problem with learning the target's name is it means you see right through disguises; "that's not Bob the Vizier, it's Malthas Blackstab the assassin!" Reject.

*...Yep. Too much knowledge gleaned from this one. This too could make the GM's job harder if someone wants to use this a lot. I'm not real big on the hanging theme anyway. Vote to Reject.


Neil Spicer wrote:
Nik Beattie wrote:
Goblin Wolf Whistle

Cool :)

I was trying to aim for something that would help Gobbos train all those pesky wolves they normally assosciate with :p

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6

Neil, You are the man!
please give the PIXIE BEAD from Teth Evik a look over and review, don't know how it got lost, but is an awesome item IMO.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

yarb wrote:

Neil, You are the man!

please give the PIXIE BEAD from Teth Evik a look over and review, don't know how it got lost, but is an awesome item IMO.

I can't serve up the feedback on what I can't see...or didn't review. Any search I've done for Pixie Bread comes up empty. Either Teth Evik must have called it something else, never submitted it, or it got lost or eaten by the Post Monster. Maybe one of the Paizo web-tech guys can research it.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Joshua Kitchens wrote:
Band of the Slithering Swarm

*...Well...they're really trying hard for some flavorful abilities and imagery based off a snake swarm. I'm not really bowled over by the actual effects, though. It's mostly a Swarm-in-a-Can...plus some weird snakeswarm armor that sounds like it would impede the wearer as much as it protected them. Leaning to Reject.

*...The first ability seems well templated. The second gives me pause. Can you do this over regular armor? How does it interact with spells that would affect snakes? Can it be banished? I may be being too picky. These are pretty minor corner cases. I'm a weak keep.

*...This is a really weird way to gain concealment.

*...I don't like that creating the dome is a swift action. Man up and use a standard action, like most magic items.

*...I need to know if these snakes count as summoned monsters, which means a bunch of protective effects (like prot. evil) would keep the snakes off an enemy using such protection.

*...Can you attack the snakes at all? Or can I fireball you 10 times and all these snakes are unharmed?

*...The swarm armor aspect is ambiguous...do all of these effects last 5 mins? Or is it just the Intim that lasts 5 mins and the rest of it is until you reverse it? Ah, you're using swarm skin as a root spell...but that lets you turn your flesh into mobile swarms, so it's still not explaining how this works.

*...Thematic item, but I think they tried to make it do too much and had to spend words describing its basic effects (as there are no spells that do this), leaving them no extra words to clarify these sorts of questions. Reject.

*...Rejected.


Neil Spicer wrote:
TwoWolves wrote:
Lantern of Shadows

*...Note to my fellow judges...There have been two RPG Superstar items in prior years of the contest (2008 and 2009) that dabbled in this area. The first, a torch of solidity, has very similar themes to this thing. And the second, the horn of the dark hunt, focused more on tracking incorporeal undead rather than making them corporeal for the purposes of attacking them. Even so, we may want to reconsider how innovative we view this item to be. I have a feeling the designer may not have gone back to review all of the items from prior years (i.e., there's 96 of them now). And, they may have just carved out a niche they thought no one else had explored yet. Something to consider as we start lining up the Top 32.

*...I think an item that's this similar to an item from a prev year shouldn't advance. I don't want to start a trend that making an item like a prev Top 32 is an easy way into the competition... whether or not that duplication was intentional. Which means I think we should Reject this...

*...Yeah, if reading over those older entries, I think we have to reject this one on grounds of parallel development. We should add this to the auto-reject advice for next year, as in, "don't assume that because you haven't read past years' top...

Thank you for reviewing my item Neil. You should have blisters on your fingers!

I, in fact, did not even look at the top 32 in any year, so I had no idea I had made an item with overlap or similarities to previous entries. But here's the REAL kick in the pants: I had invented this for LAST year's contest, but missed the deadline by THIRTY MINUTES, due to a combination of holiday travel and a brain fart concerning time zones.

At least I might have made some contribution to the contest, albeit in a future warning of what not to do! LoL!

Liberty's Edge Star Voter Season 6

Neil Spicer wrote:
yarb wrote:

Neil, You are the man!

please give the PIXIE BEAD from Teth Evik a look over and review, don't know how it got lost, but is an awesome item IMO.
I can't serve up the feedback on what I can't see...or didn't review. Any search I've done for Pixie Bread comes up empty. Either Teth Evik must have called it something else, never submitted it, or it got lost or eaten by the Post Monster. Maybe one of the Paizo web-tech guys can research it.

well, thanks for the response and all the other feedback. I Hope the tech-guys figure it out. I know Teth Evik worked very hard.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Rusty Ironpants wrote:
Weaponcharm Bracelet

*...The "objects on a charm bracelet" item has been done before. This one only stores weapons and lets you add the masterwork property as you summon them. And it doesn't let you add new stuff to it. I'm not bowled over by it. And that last statement about adding further properties to the charm's weapons worries me.

*...this is a bunch of weapons masquerading as a wondrous item. Vote to Reject.

*...How long do these last?

*...Anyway, item is a group of weapons pretending to be a wondrous item, which makes this a...Disqualify/reject.

Dark Archive

Neil Spicer wrote:
yarb wrote:

Neil, You are the man!

please give the PIXIE BEAD from Teth Evik a look over and review, don't know how it got lost, but is an awesome item IMO.
I can't serve up the feedback on what I can't see...or didn't review. Any search I've done for Pixie Bread comes up empty. Either Teth Evik must have called it something else, never submitted it, or it got lost or eaten by the Post Monster. Maybe one of the Paizo web-tech guys can research it.

bead not bread

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

tanonev wrote:
Link Prisms

*...Hmmm...firing rays (at a -5 penalty) from over 700 feet away? :-/

*...Seems over the top to me. Granted, it's only once a day. The -5 penalty to hit might offset the advantages of most ranged touch attacks, but it still feels somewhat overpowered. I can appreciate the concept of refracting rays of light (or, in this case, magical energy) through prisms like a tetrahedron. The idea is innovative. The execution is iffy.

*...In addition, the viewing mechanism for up to 7 minutes per day is fairly limited to just 700 feet, else the devices shut down. And, whoever carries the other one within range of some opponent is likely to lose it unless that single ray attack brings them down. Still, if you're ready to go rushing in as soon as you launch enervation or even ray of exhaustion, it could be pretty devastating.

*...And, what really turns me off is the idea of stringing more than two of these things together. That just bends credibility a little too far for me. I want to like the mojo behind it, but I'm having a hard time justifying Keep. Thus, I'd vote weak Reject at the moment unless one of you feel strongly otherwise.

*...It's a webcam. Reject.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Callum Finlayson wrote:
bead not bread

Ahhh...much better!

Teth Evik wrote:
PIXIE BEAD

*...Kind of a toned down version of faerie fire, maybe? I think the designer missed the new rules around light conditions. For instance, "magical darkness" comes in a variety of dim and dimmer now. Maybe the qualifier of it being snuffed by any magical darkness is okay though. I'm not keen on seeing the "ground mica" as a construction requirement. We don't need material components for magic item crafting singled out in a formal writeup. I'm not crazy about this one. Weak Reject.

*...You could just get a scroll of glitterdust for 150 gp and it would affect multiple creatures. Fine as a "book of items" item, but it's not Superstar.

*...It's a neat low-cost single use item to deal with a problem PCs have before getting to 3rd level and being able to counter invisbility, but it doesn't grab me. I think the construction requirements are odd enough that it gets rejected on those grounds alone. Reject.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Beorn the Bear wrote:
Shaman's Rain Stick

*...Decent thematic item, but the writing needs work and a closer eye on proper formatting. Reject.

*...For me, this item falls into that category of "good enough for a book of magic items" but the idea/theme just isn't quite Superstar innovative enough to separate itself from the pack. It's an item I'm fairly sure I've seen explored elsewhere. But it's not plagiarizing any prior published item.

*...I can also tell the designer really put some thought into it in making sure the mechanics got thoroughly covered. And, though the template formatting isn't 100% accurate, it's better than several others we've seen so far. Still, those minor problems aren't helping any. This designer is on the cusp of finding the right mix of idea and execution to make it. They're just not there yet.

*...Vote to Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

BQ wrote:
Coin Spider

*...First, they put the template together almost perfectly. Really good presentation. The list of commands (though lengthy) remind me a little bit of an apparatus of Kwalish (or the crab) in that it's a construct with a variety of possible functions. Is that SAK? Yeah, maybe somewhat. And some of those functions, I don't care for as much (like the Record thing which could make a GM's job harder...but I like that it's got the same limitation as sending with the 25 words). Some of the other abilities (like Trip and Restraint) aren't defined enough in game terms to explain how they're used. I think that's an oversight. The designer was probably running out of words to expound very much, but that's the breaks.

*...I like the overall core idea of this pet "spider"...but in some ways, I think it might be better served to stat up as a variant golem or something. In fact, Craft Construct probably ought to be in the requirements. Bottom line, there's enough troublesome things here that I can't quite champion it. But it was a bold swing for the fences. Vote to Reject.

*...I might reject this because it makes adventuring easier, but it's really an "escape" strategy once you've been captured, or a way to generate some (very) limited intelligence neither of which are game-breakers for me.

*...I might reject this as a SAK (which it really is) but some of the effects are things that are expensive/hard to find/otherwise unavailable in other items or have lots of class limitations that aren't really material to their application.

*...I might reject this because I despise spiders...but I'm trying to be a better man than I used to be.

*...If I was a Level 5-10 PC and I got one of these, I'd be pretty damn happy. As a DM, I wouldn't be very concerned. Its a smart, tight design with high utility. I like it. Keep.

*...Item is a shopping list of abilities.

*...Alert: doesn't say what size of creature, so it activates when a fly or a worm moves by.

*...Restraints: Given that this is a Tiny spider, I doubt it can bite through any sort of restraints, even rope.

*...Retract: What does "remains animated" in this context? Just to hide it temporarily?

*...Spin: Doesn't explain if this wire attaches itself to something, doesn't list strength of the wire, doesn't give a pointer as to what sort of wire it's emulating.

*...Item has the stats of a scarlet spider, which is mentioned in the Bestiary but doesn't actually have stats (just a CR, size, and HD), so to use this item the GM needs to create the stats for it. Which means the item tries to save words (it's at 298/300) by referring to an existing monster, but said monster isn't statted, so....

*...Doesn't include a bunch of appropriate spells in the Requirements section that it should have (alarm, clairaudience, message, know direction).

*...Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Jason Rice wrote:
Songbird of Suppression

*...Is this a defensive item or an attack item? Do you really have enough problems with harmful gas attacks that you're willing to hold your breath with a 14k gp magic item to deal with them? Reject.

*...So, it helps defend against spellcasters, creatures with breath weapons, command-activated magic items, etc. if an opponent is within 30 ft. of the canary's owner. Also protects from any gas attacks or suffocation (i.e., cave-in) possibilites. That's pretty darn powerful for 14,000 gp. Sneak up on a spellcaster with this thing and you've got them at a major disadvantage...and they get no-save vs. the effect. Based on that, I vote to Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Vincent Emond wrote:
Throbbing Orb

*...5d4 bleed damage?! Is that per round? Or a one-time impact on a direct hit with the splash weapon? Seems like it's priced a little low for negating all bleed damage while bestowing the wounding property (which could potentially stack with existing weapon properies on an already magic weapon). Not really a fan. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Rogue Eidolon wrote:
Astral Tear of the Lonely Wyrm

*...This is essentially a flavorful, preprogrammed use of the transmogrify spell lifted straight out of the Advanced Player's Guide. The only difference is a) they've pre-chosen all the eidolon's evolutions to make it dragon-like, and b) They've thrown in a couple of skill bonus evolutions for Knowledge (arcana) and Knowledge (history) to reflect a dragon's legendary skill with magic and long-lived memories. Meanwhile, the item also grants a +5 bonus on Knowledge checks related to dragons...which would be what?...Knowledge (dungeoneering)...Knowledge (nature)?

*...I'm of two minds on this one. First, the idea isn't all that innovative, even though the flavor lifts it a bit. Two, it's fairly well-written and presented using the provided template. Mechanically, it just leans on transmogrify for the most part. I'm not really inclined to push this one through based on those things. Leaning to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Ernest Mueller wrote:
Harness of the Hero's Helper

*...So you can slip this harness on your raven, toad, cat, or snake familiar, too? Yeah. Not very thought-through. This comes out more like someone who wanted to boost their bonded mount and then widened it out to include all animal companions and then threw in familiars, too, for the heck of it...all so they could boost those creatures' abilities by one extra level. Having the effect end as soon as the owner releases the lead is really blah to me. The magic ought to be in the harness, not the person who's electrically connected to the lead. Vote to Reject.

*...There's a feat in Seekers of Secrets for multiclassed characters that increases your effective level of an animal companion by +4 (maximum equal to your actual character level). This is the same principle, except more limited. Not really innovative. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Dawsjax wrote:
Death’s Burnt Offering

*...Wow...a super nuke'em channel power at full HD rather than every other cleric level. Of course, that's a one-time kill shot. But still. Potent. Maybe too potent for 10,470 gp? Or maybe not. I mean a scroll of undeath to death wouldn't run you that.

*...The rest of the writing is kind of confusing in the description, though. And access to both the domain powers and bonus spells is probably a bit much. It's basically giving you an extra domain as a cleric. And what if your deity doesn't even really have anything to do with that domain?

*...I don't know. I think this one probably goes a little too far in jeopardizing game balance. Leaning to Reject.

*...Domain-in-a-can, even if that domain isn't appropriate for your deity. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

John Turner 736 wrote:
Arcane Antechamber

*...And if you leave objects inside the extradimensional space and move the door to another wall, are the items still there? I'm assuming so. But the description could be more clear there.

*...I'm not really bowled over by this one. There are some small presentation problems in there with skill names not being capitalized and such. They don't need to list the masterwork door in the construction requirements either. I could see something like this in a book of magic items, potentially. Not sure I want to champion it for the Top 32, though.

*...On the fence...maybe a weak Keep based on concept...maybe a weak Reject based on the item making adventuring too safe.

*...It's just a big rope trick with some permanent bag of holding storage. And it's a 7' door, for chrissakes. Who is going to tote that around? Plot device, at best. Reject.

*...magnificent mansion-in-a-can. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

AranMull wrote:

Witch’s Promise

Aura Moderate necromancy; CL 6th
Slot none; Price 3,600 gp; Weight varies.
Description
Typically fashioned as a broach, cloak pin or small knife a Witch’s Promise creates a bond between a witch and the bearer with just a drop of blood from each. The witch must be willing. The bearer need not be and may save against the effect as they would against the witch’s hex.

The Witch’s Promise allows the bearer to whisper a message to the witch once each day. If they are both within 100’ of each other this communication works like the message spell lasting 10 minutes. The nature of the bond allows messages to be sent over longer distances. Such messages travel at 1 mile per 10 minutes until they reach the witch. This communication is one-way, although the bearer may engage in a ten minute soliloquy. The bearer also suffers a -2 penalty to any saves made against the Witch’s spells and hexes for as long as the bond is active.

Once each day the witch may channel a hex through the bond targeting the bearer regardless of distance (provided they are on the same plane). A witch may never have more active bonds than the number of hexes they know and a separate Witch’s Promise item is required for each.

A bond may be broken by the destruction of the item, the death of the witch or bearer, the bearer forming a new bond with another witch or it may be removed like a curse (DC of 15 + the witch’s level).

Although most commonly given to family, friends and trusted servants Witch’s Promises have occasionally been used to more sinister purposes.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, message, bestow curse, must know and be able to use hexes; Cost 1,800 gp

*...I don't think the long-range spell targeting is a good idea...regardless of the involved process to facilitate it. And certainly not for just 3,600 gp. They also wrote right up to the word count limit. And, if they had properly written "100'" as "100 feet" they'd have gone over. That's not that big a deal. I'm just saying it could be problematic if it's any indication of the designer behind the item itself. I actually like the writing ability behind this thing. You can tell they really wanted to jazz it up and poured a lot of creativity into it. I think it just falls victim of some poor game-balance considerations and potential for abuse. Leaning to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

*...It's "brooch" not "broach."

*...Two of its forms are slotted items, but this uses no slot. Based on its price, it's probably priced as if it were slotless, which is wrong.

*...Rejected.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Kyrian Dundragon wrote:
Kyreth’s Amulet of Musical Accompaniment

*...Ugh. Three different items. Very poorly presented. No costing information provided, just construction requirements. All kind of mistakes throughout the provided template. And I don't dig the reference to Kyreth, the great narcissist archmage/bard who apparently thought enough of himself to invent these things.

*...None of these items have a duration or limit to the ongoing musical accompaniment and effects. That's broken design. And I don't even like the idea. An annoying soundtrack to your own action film? And it actually improves your Diplomacy and Intimidate checks? I'd either be ticked off by the background music and less likely to care about the owner's Diplomacy checks. Or, I'd be laughing at him in battle as he tried to Intimidate me with the thrumming music behind him.

*...The heroism and fear versions don't add anything anymore compelling. They're just more broken.

*...Also, there's no such thing as an "amulet" slot. Should be "neck." Vote to Reject.

*...My PC Kyreth is really cool! He made an item that gives him a personal soundtrack! Here is that item! Also, here are better versions I crafted because I'm the coolest wizard in the campaign, and all the ladies lined up to date me and buy my magic items! Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

caith wrote:
Spider Key

*...Makes adventuring easy. SIAC. Reject.

*...I remember something similar to this item in one of the "Clark, Please Critique My Item" threads from prior years. And the knock against it was that items that automatically remove or disable these kinds of obstacles don't improve the game. Vote to Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

MInerva's blade wrote:
Huntsman Whetstone of Blood

*...Auuugghh! Another weapon special property stacking item! No! Bad design! Vote to Reject.

*...Yeah we have a whole class of "meta enhancements" this year for sure. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Duncan Forsyth wrote:
Boots of the Unexpected

*...Maybe these should just be called Matrix boots since they facilitate virtually every acrobatic combat maneuver in existence. And those aren't feint actions. Feinting is an actual combat maneuver that doesn't involve running up walls or doing backflips. Vote to Reject.

*...Matrix boots would have been cool. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Leper27 wrote:
Shroud of Undeath:

*...There's a lot of bad stuff in this one. Aside from the algebra involved in computing everything...and the references to "subject" vs. "sacrificer" all the time...the notion that failing either save causes the subject or sacrificer to immediately rise as an undead creature "with an equivalent encounter level" is just dumb. And that's not even citing that there are no ELs in Pathfinder. It's all just CR now.

*...Plus, once you shave off all this extraneous crap and get right down to it...it's just a resurrection SIAC. And not a very good one. Besides, a scroll of resurrection will run you just 2,275 gp rather 7,000 gp...and it carries no risk of any of this animate dead junk. Vote to Reject.

*...Plot device. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Frederic Lignac wrote:
wonderful vial of magical blood

*...SAK. Poorly written. Random item power generation. Also not a fan of the name, despite the explanation in the backstory. Not Superstar. Vote to Reject.

*...Author seems to lack mastery of the English language. Probably not a native speaker, but that shouldn't show up in a professional submission. Compounded with the random power generation and silly name, this one's a non-starter. Reject.


I think my item submission: Hell Brand Tattoo was skipped over - or maybe that in itself is a testament to how much improvement I need to make - even if it is cold, I would sincerely like the feedback.

If it I have misunderstood the sequence and it is still in the queu I apologize - not trying to line jump.

And thanks to Mr. Spicer and all of you taking the time to comment on the item submissions.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Ian Eastmond wrote:
Conch of the Twisted Tide

*...I like this one. It flirts with SAK, but everything fits together thematically and the flavor of the writing is good. They also flawlessly used the provided template. I'm not sure about the reference to the Mordant Spire elves (are they mountainous elves rather than sea-related elves?), but I love everything else about the item. Vote to Keep.

*...I'm meh about it. Other judges?

*...Zelda called. She wants her ocarina back.

*...If you have this in your possession and you're not in the water, do you die from asphyxiation?

*...Seems under priced.

*...Continuous bonus languages. Continuous breathe water. Continuous ability bonus to skill checks. Continuous swim movement rate (or improvement to preexisting same).

*...Then, for 20 minutes a day, you and your whole party get an unslotted +3 natural armor bonus, and a built-in automatic damage infliction ability.

*...What does any of this have to do with elves?

*...How do you mount a darkwood mouthpiece on a shell?

*...Why are there astrological carvings on it? Do people who live under the sea see the stars much? (Speaking as someone with extensive nighttime undersea experience I can tell you they do not).

*...How do barnacles relate to conch shells?

*...Why does the barnacle effect work out of the water? How would you "blow" this underwater if you're breathing through your gills?

*...It's a SAK with a lot of flavor handwaving. Make it either something you use to exist in an underwater environment ala Jedi scuba gear (and get tagged for being science masquerading as MAGIC), OR something you use to armor up "in the theme of" barnacles (and get tagged for being dumb). Trying to link all this together should make it really expensive, and really munchkin. Reject.

*...I agree that this flirts with SAK but doesn't cross it and like how everything's tightly themed. But I also agree that the actual mechanics are overpowered and underpriced. In the end, I would love to see what this designer could do with a bit of reining in, but s/he isn't quite Superstar yet, and on this item's merits alone, I don't think should be considered for the top 32. Reject.

*...And the Mordant Spire elves are sea-elves...

*...Meh. Name them something sea-related then. Sea elves on a "spire"...? Sure, there are mountains under the ocean, but that kind of name doesn't conjure up images of sea elves. ;-P

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Steven T. Helt wrote:
Scabbard of the False Peace

*...Looks like someone was tired of having their favorite sword stolen out from under them by sadistic GMs. We saw an earlier item like this one that fakes out people into thinking a weapon is peace-bonded when it isn't. And that's still a pretty lame way to justify a wondrous item. The scabbard-summoning trick on this thing is actually a bit more interesting, but it's nothing that instant summons wouldn't do for you (and that spell really ought to be in the construction requirements rather than teleport). Vote to Reject.

*...Yep, I still hate fake peace-bonded items, and the summons is just a SIAC. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Richard Baird wrote:
Crown of Deceit

*...Ummm...no. Way overpowered in relation to cost and all good commonsense. This is someone's uber-item from a home campaign or something they wish their PC enchanter had. Vote to Reject.

*...Agreed. Reject.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Kyr wrote:
I think my item submission: Hell Brand Tattoo was skipped over...

Nope. It's back there somewhere. I remember doing that one.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Looks like I've reached page 13...and by my count, there's only around 12-13 left to do. I'll probably take a look at them during my lunch hour today.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 8 aka shiverscar

Neil Spicer wrote:
shiverscar wrote:
Gauntlets of Icy Grasp
Note: This one made the Keep pile and had a lot of discussion. If you're going to design an item that stacks a weapon property on top of another, this is a slightly bette approach to it...but still not rock solid.

Neat! Thanks for continuing to pump out the feedback. It's good to know where I was on the right track and where I need improvment. I'll keep reading this thread to get a better handle on Wondrous Items in general; the feedback everyone has received has been extremely helpful.

I definitely agree with the issues of stacking and pricing. I only considered one eventuality for stacking (frost property on a weapon that already possesses frost) and pricing is a serious weak point for me. I'll need to take a much broader view of the items I build in the future.

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