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Lantern Bearer

Artemis Moonstar's page

Pathfinder Society Member. 565 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.

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Pffft. Keep your folding chair. I only got one thing to say about it....


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I'm sensing some purposeful intent to derail the thread and be hostile here.

In any case, I can see where this thread is headed. Much as I'd like to stick around a help try to keep it on topic, it's starting to get a bit too heated in here for me to hold out much hope.

Comes from people thinking that someone's attacking their fave system. Knee-jerk, grab the bazooka, blast the tracks.

Wiggz, I'm writin' down what your group did and going to give that a try the next couple times around. Sounds like a pretty workable fix to me.

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Without getting into an edition war here...

I find the concept appealing... What I don't like was that in order to "Balance" everything, you were pretty much locked into your choices. Literally, after playing for a while, and looking very close at what everything did... It's all the same thing, across many of the classes. You weren't cookie cutters, but... Really... It was just a whole mess of the same stuff with different fluff and maybe a different damage type. My biggest gripe was the tiny number of abilities you get outside of utility powers.

I once had a guy tell me you could build more versatile and unique concepts in 4E than PF... It took everything I had to not laugh in his face.

Personally I prefer a breadth of options. Truly unique options. Which is why I like PF... At least until Archetypes started shanking other classes in the back and taking their stuff. At that point it became a major question of "Why play X anymore when Y can do it too, with all this other awesome stuff!"... Not merely from a desired power level stand point, but from the pure fact of I had a game where the rogue was seriously outclassed and incredibly unhappy with her character when the Bard was doing everything the Rogue was typically saved for, and BETTER! (Despite her being built with trap finding and disabling in mind.)

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I think it all boils down to the fact that, as written, the rules for the Pally's fall can be taken far too many different ways. In a system where even scratching your rump requires rules, you cannot be vague like the PF paladin is. Okay, so, you don't need rules to say "I'm scratching my tookus", but there have been several things that people were doing via house rules and handwave that suddenly cropped up as requiring feats to do. Unfortunately I cannot seem to recall them myself, but I know there was quite a big stink about it around here back at the time.

And I quote:

Code of Conduct: A paladin must be of lawful good alignment and loses all class features except proficiencies if she ever willingly commits an evil act.

Additionally, a paladin's code requires that she respect legitimate authority, act with honor (not lying, not cheating, not using poison, and so forth), help those in need (provided they do not use the help for evil or chaotic ends), and punish those who harm or threaten innocents.

Ex Paladins: A paladin who ceases to be lawful good, who willfully commits an evil act, or who violates the code of conduct loses all paladin spells and class features (including the service of the paladin's mount, but not weapon, armor, and shield proficiencies). She may not progress any further in levels as a paladin. She regains her abilities and advancement potential if she atones for her violations (see the atonement spell description in Spell Lists), as appropriate.

See? VAGUE! "And so forth"? This stuff does NOT belong in a system that seems to be trying to take anything you can think of and slap a set of rules on it. The simple addition of "and so forth" means that they are open for interpretation, and as this thread has proven, everyone has their own interpretation.

So, while you certainly CAN run a Paladin via RAW, there will be conflict between the player and the GM unless specific code rules are written for use.

The "willful" part only applies to committing an evil act. If you help a peasant, who then uses the result of that help to go knife their ex husband in the back one day... That's an evil end, and pop, fallen. Even if you were not willfully committing the act yourself.

Sad fact is, they're poorly written. The simple addition of "and so forth" violates the basic understanding that RULES are RULES, and NOT to be 'interpreted', for that could lead to much abuse. With the Paladin, this abuse comes in many of the forms commented within this thread.

So, yes. By RAW for a Pathfinder pally, you pretty much have to toss the rules out if you don't want to fall by yawning during the Chieftain's dull speech, or accidentally insulting their wife. Acting with honor depends on what honor you're following! In Tian Xia with Samurai, you'd pretty much never be able to walk away, surrender, or lose, because that would count as 'dishonor' to PF's bushido code. See my example above for helping those in need. If you see someone so much as punish a house servant with a few lashes, you're to "Punish" them for the abuse, which could be read as anywhere from a stern talking to and a serious fine, to flat out smiting them from the face of the planet. Hell, even picking up one of the rogue's daggers and using it, only to be surprised it has poison, would, by RAW, zap you of all your powers.

There is no "willfully" in those parts of the code. People an argue to hog heaven about the intent of the code, but the fact of how the code and ex-paladin sections are written are staring you right in the bleedin' face.

Which is why, as much as I would want to play a Paladin in PF (Stone Lords sound awesome!)... There would have to be some serious fixing going on by the DM.

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This one would best be saved until after the party finishes a quest or two, something noteworthy. Admittedly, this would be something that would start better at low-level, like, around level 2 or 3.

464. The Teller of Tales
You and your companions have arrived during [town name]'s spring festival after dealing with the threat that plagued the sleepy village. There's an old man sitting with his back to the bonfire, reading stories to the ring of children around him from a very large leather book in his lap. The tale you hear when you [approach/pass by], is a very detailed account of the quest your party had just finished. After this tale, he stands, and retreats to his tent. Later that night, as you all sleep, you dream of the massive leather tome... When you awake, you find yourselves in a world unlike any you've heard of... Except, as a child.

Basically, it's the plot hook/point/narration for a fairy tale campaign my GF and I are designing. Using all the old classics, mainly from the Brothers Grimm...

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This thread reminds me of a half-orc barbarian I made once... Had a habit of turning the skulls of his greatest challenges into cod pieces. At one point, we were facing the 'mirror evil party' the GM liked to use at the time.

Halfway through the fight, the barbarian grins at the enemy half-elf. "You great foe! When battle over, happy ending!" While gesturing toward his cod piece.

GM rolled a few dice... Then the half-elf ran screaming into the night. Apparently I made an intimidate check without even realizing it.

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Half-Orc Drunken Brute Barbarian, Half-Elf Drunken Master Monk, and a Dwarven alchemist with max ranks in Craft (Booze)....

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Imbicatus wrote:
You could use a Monk's Spade instead. It's a Martial weapon, it actually is a shovel, and it's a double weapon.

Also, just because I have to nit pick (big lover of Wu Xia films here).

No, it's not a shovel. Not after a certain point anyway. Which is where I assume PF's version sits.


Yeah, no, love that back story man. Almost fell out of my chair at it. I'm dying to hear how the game runs with him in it.

Should've figured the Shoveler. Love that freaking movie.

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I tend to play whatever floats my boat at the time. So, yeah, I do it regularly. And, I've never felt underpowered.

Then again, not only do I get creative with what I do, but my groups have generally had campaigns that aren't DPR focused.

I still have fun, because I just don't give a flyin' frag grenade about how many kills I rack up (seriously, Pathfinder isn't a freaking FPS, there aren't any leader boards, WTF do you care about getting the last hit on something!? Attack the wizard that's finishing the evil ritual, not the mook with 1 hp left that I've been soloing!).

Only time I didn't have fun was when I was playing an inquisitor, and the GM ruled that Called Shot + True Shot to the head = auto death, because the cleric was a whiny little *deep breath* that wanted to one-shot the big bad of that particular dungeon on round two. Oh, and this last one where the GM introduced a ton of house rules to turn Pathfinder into some weird Warhammer 40K/Star Trek/Serenity hybrid, equipped his Orks with an I-Win button (bomb that blew the ship if they started losing), and an impenetrable shield vs ranged attacks (and I was a gunslinger). On the other hand, those are due to house rules, not class mechanics...

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It always surprises me how many people attack threads like these about non-god-of-DPR builds with what is, in effect, "You're having badwrongfun!"... I thought the advice forums were supposed to help people with their build, not bash them like some elitist MMO player VS a n00b that put a talent point in the 'wrong tree'.

That said....

The Alchemist crossbowman is a very, very fun build. Explosive Missile + Directed Bomb = much, much fun. (Far as I can tell, they work together, because I don't happen to see any asterisks next to them)

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Bandw2 wrote:
I'd say no... unless they can smell light.

Dude, my players are going to hate you. I'm gonna home brew a light smelling/eating monster now.

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Speaking of... I'd like to quote someone from another thread, and I have a question about it..

In modern D&D, character death is viewed as a failure on the part of the DM. Very different than the old days where surviving to "Name Level" was actually a big deal

When the heck did this happen? I've always run and played with the assumption that character death would be a very real possibility. Thus, Rule 2 in my games (Expect to die, Horribly/Stupid plans lead to stupid deaths).

Maybe that's why I get so bored I keep jumping characters these days? I may not sacrifice combat effectiveness, but as games continue to be easy, I keep making characters that are easier and easier to kill...

Hell, I enjoy my characters dieing. Gives some fantastic story potential! Let the GM raise my fighter was a Death Knight or maybe something soulless. I'll come back with a character that's a member of my last one's family, and is questing to save their soul from some archfiend or something.

All I know is... I hate when my characters die doing some awesome martyr thing to save the day... And the DM just randomly revives me without asking me. THAT seriously peeves me.

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Pan wrote:
This illustrates the combat as war mentality real well. The party shouldnt assume every encounter will be an apropriate challenge for them. Either you risk death by trying to even the odds, or you leave be and find someone your own size.

True, but many I've gamed with recently seem to think that way. Thus my 'expect to die' rule, which I'm paraphrasing when I say it like that. I have explanations after every rule, which in this one's case, is "Dumb things lead to dumb deaths, including but not limited to: Taking on a monster you can't beat, insulting a despotic royal and sleeping with his wife, and trying to find out what properties black powder has when introduced to a dragon's stomach with the Spark spell, among others"... Live, lived examples, one and all...

I actually love when I'm playing and the GM throws something huge we can't beat at us. Means I run the hell away and have something to work towards to beat.

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DM Under The Bridge wrote:
Haladir wrote:
Artemis Moonstar wrote:
That said, I wasn't sure 21 years would qualify me as an 'old timer' for purposes of this thread. Regardless, I posted anyways.
Ya may be a yung'un, but I like the cut of yer jib! Welcome aboard!

Lol, are you an old-timer if you started extremely young, but have actually been playing for a very long time (20 years), but are not yet old?


Child soldier in a dungeon

Lol, good question. I'll just operate under the impression of 'old timer' being someone from 2nd or earlier for purposes of this thread. That said, I get mistaken for 30s or higher all the time, I've grayed early! I'm 'skunked' at 25, and my back bloody creaks, don't get me started on mah knees. For a gamer nerd, I've had too active a life >_<! (lots of recreational sports/martial arts injuries/strains).

In the mean time... I just recalled an amusing anecdote. At least part of it...

AD&D 2nd, Forgotten Realms setting... Playing an Elven Thief (Whom my Paizo forum handle is named after). I can't recall what of my parent's home brew campaigns we were playing, but it was me, me mum, my old man, and an old family friend Steve. (Side track: Good gods these three could run some freaking games. Their casts were HUGE! Ten characters a piece was actually COMMON for them, I can't even wrap my head around it to this day! /Side track).

For some reason, we wind up in Elminster's tower, getting debriefed/conscripted to help deal with some extraplanar threat. One of Steve's more prankster types winds up lifting up Elminster's robe to see what kind of tricks he's got under there.

At which point my thief (remember I was about five at this point), who had been trying his damnedest to find something he could pocket the entire time, looks over at him and goes "That's just childish!"

Apparently, a five year old telling a grown man in his late twenties the actions of his character were childish was funny as hell.

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Holy flying monkies of doom. Who knew we had someone like Dr. D on the boards? My hat's off to you sir, Thief has always been awesome (and always my 'home' class when I get burned by the other ones).

That said... I did not know they made a Return to the Tomb of Horrors... I've always wanted to try it.

Was it Tomb of Horrors or Temple of Elemental Evil that had the Sphere of Annihilation in the gargoyle's mouth that I hear joked about so much?

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Mikaze wrote:
Artemis Moonstar wrote:

For that matter... Maybe someone could clue me in on this because I might be missing it, but...

Where the hell are the Amazonians? Where are the tall, buff, beautiful babes that can kick Valeros' ass? Every female I've seen, even those with muscle tone, are slender, curvy, and half the time pretty skinny.

Buffest female I've seen is Imrijka, and she's a half-orc. That gets no bonus points from me (despite the fact I do actually find Imrijka pretty attractive. Then again, I love a woman that can kick my ass).

Amiri the barbarian iconic? Most of the time, she's no more muscled than Ezren.

... Actually, that was pointless, because Mythic Wizard Ezren hulked out.

Muscle chicks need some love too man!

Besides noting that Imrijka and Valeros are the Internet's official Pathfinder couple(YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG, I ASKED THE INTERNET AND IT SAID IT WAS TRUE)...

There's Holomog, which I swear seems to be getting pushed a bit more and more as possibly getting explored in the not too distant future(I hope).

Basically, imagine it as this:

A matriarchal nation of African Amazons who ride dinosaurs, locked in conflict with Geb, the largest necrocracy on Golarion, and Droon, a nation of lizardfolk who ride dinosaurs.

Bad. Ass.

(Some folks have also voiced hopes that Holomog might be home to a female equivalent of the gay male-oriented Iridian Fold, which also needs some more exploration in setting material(and recently got a good bit of exposure in Redemption Engine and the webfiction "Boar and Rabbit" on the blog here))

edit-ALSO, almost every Shoanti woman ever. :)

I'm aware of the Imrijka + Valeros coupling (I've seen the fan *cough*art*cough*.

That said... Good to know. At some point, I might actually be able to see these females of which you speak, lol.

@Todd: Agreed. The fact that Paizo is doing anything at all with this kind of stuff is *bleep!*ing amazing.

Still hoping for a total-amazonian and a soft-featured slender male pair of iconics though... ^_^.

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Mikaze wrote:
We need more paladins of Lymnieris. ;)

Yes we do, lol...

For that matter... Maybe someone could clue me in on this because I might be missing it, but...

Where the hell are the Amazonians? Where are the tall, buff, beautiful babes that can kick Valeros' ass? Every female I've seen, even those with muscle tone, are slender, curvy, and half the time pretty skinny.

Buffest female I've seen is Imrijka, and she's a half-orc. That gets no bonus points from me (despite the fact I do actually find Imrijka pretty attractive. Then again, I love a woman that can kick my ass).

Amiri the barbarian iconic? Most of the time, she's no more muscled than Ezren.

... Actually, that was pointless, because Mythic Wizard Ezren hulked out.

Muscle chicks need some love too man!

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Okay, this thread would be WAY too long for me to read and reply to tonight...

All I'm gonna say before I finish reading the rest of this thread, is that I too am rather disappointed with the lack of hot male eye-candy, and even hot male romantic interests in the adventure paths. Out of the material I have, only Socothbenoth is mentioned as a hyper-sexed male, though Book of the Damned 2 alludes that his isn't so much sex as other vices.

As a bi guy, I'm actually kind of depressed about it. Not that I'm looking to turn Pathfinder into the Book of Erotic Fantasy or anything, but I'd actually like to have the option of some maleXmale romance in some published stuff. Maybe I'm just picky, but my characters have never gone for that 'rugged' type (unless the 'rugged' was a battle-scarred amazonian female, but that's a whole different 'rugged' altogether). Every supposed attractive male I've even heard of in paizo published material is of the 'handsomely rugged' territory, with the exception of elves. What about those fair-faced kimono wearing Tians!? Nope, 'rugged' seems to be the only attractive male descriptor Paizo can use.

It's not a big gripe, it's not something I'd quit buying Pathfinder stuff over (though I have slowed down a considerably). It is something, however, that has made me stop bothering with NPC relationships in an adventure path. I'm bored with female NPCs, because they always turn out the same kind of sexualized female. Always goes pretty much the same route.

On that note: My girlfriend also is annoyed that there's no real potential males in most APs. For example! She managed to charm Orik Vancaskerkin in RotRL:AE (Anniversary Edition) into joining the party as an NPC (later became her Cohort)... Yet, while he's got a nice description of 'ruggedly handsome' (There it is again!).... He doesn't look that great in his picture.

The only hot males we've seen in the actual art, would be Seltiyel, the Not-eldritch Knight/The Magus, and the Alchemist whose name I've forgotten (even then, it's only his main picture, all the rest of the art kind of falls short). Every other guy's kind of... Bland... And generic, actually... They look alike most of the time...

So... I think I've rambled with this, but to sum it up... We need more equality with the sexualism of male and female characters and creatures in Pathfinder. Just my 2 cents.

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If you want unkillable.... Go Orc Fighter with the orc's racial FCB, Unbreakable Fighter. Probably pick up Guardian for mythic. Make sure you max out your con as much as you can. Get Deathless Initiate and Deathless Master as soon as you can.

Laugh as they bring you to -47 hp, then bash their face in.

Seriously.... Orc's FCB: +2 to the amount over con they need to deal to kill you.

Oh, and for S&Gs, Born Alone feat to get temporary hit points = your con bonus, and Tenacious Survivor for the capability of being healed back to life with healing spells when you are DEAD within a number a rounds = your con bonus...

I've played this character (minus the mythic).... It made my DM cry when I single handedly stood on a narrow mountain path and blocked an enemy army's advance while the rest of the party was back at the fort preparing for the enemy to get there. Granted, I kind of min/maxed for AC, Saves, and HP, but still... The orc lasted for a full day and night (thank you lucky rolls and pots), until reinforcements arrived right as he died.

Cleric healed him back up before the 9 rounds were up, and he popped right up with two negative levels and waded right back into the fray.

Needless to say, he was later mercilessly assassinated in his sleep with a vorpal scythe (Urgathoa's cult was not pleased), but he went down in the setting's history. It was glorious.

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Something that works for me, I'm not sure if it'll work for everyone else, but...

My dice used to completely hate me. Most of them are left overs from my parents (They've been playing D&D since 1st ed). I used to keep them all in a single Crown Royal bag, and d20s absolutely loathed me (ironically, d4s and d6s, on the other hand, loved this treatment). After about a year of horrible rolling, where I just figured it was my own luck got lost with my 1st ever dice sets (a very nice black and orange one for my dwarf, and a black and green one for my elf), I asked my mum how she always managed to roll fantastically.

The answer was so simple I face palmed myself thrice. When you've got multiple sets of dice, keep them separated, and loyal to characters. Don't just switch 'em out.

So, I did just that. Pulled out the old plastic tool bits box (the ones that stand upright with the drawers for screws and bolts and stuff), and separated them all back into the box. From there, I've assigned them to character types, personalities, or race/class combinations, since I never seem to have a particular game last more than three or four sessions before whatever group I'm in gets bored or upset with their characters (and instead of fixing or changing, they just scrap the whole darn thing).

To my surprise, they've been rolling better. At least until the box broke and I have to use the crown royal bag again recently. I hope to one day get some sort of dividing box again.

That said, if you're using inherited dice (like I am, and I shall likely pass them down to any gamer kids I may eventually have, thus turning them into family heirlooms), try to stick to the character types originally associated with them. They seem to like sticking with what feels familiar, curmudgeony old things.

Also... I've recently purchased some new d20s (well, like four years ago). The elders seem to either not care, or feel threatened, depending on what the old fellow was used for.

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Haven't read more than just the OP, don't have the time, but here's my 2 cents. (A more up-to-date 2 cents shall come later when I've read the entire thread). So, yeah, sorry if i'm totally late to the party with the following.

It sounds like you're kind of misunderstanding how terribly badass the fighter's bonus feats are, and the whole point (far as I'm concerned/aware), is being totally fraggin' awesome in combat. Specifically, close-quarters combat.

In my games, I've done a bit of consolidating on feats. Power Attack, Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, and Weapon Finesse are now inherent to the system themselves (with CR getting replaced with some other feat that does effectively the same thing). This opens up a TON of feats for the fighter to get to do their thing.
From there, I've also determined that any Improved or Greater feat chains get rolled up into their basic feats. TWF being the prime example, soon as you meet the requirements for ITWF, you're runnin' with that instead. Meet GTWF? Bust out those three extra attacks baby.

This basically allows fighters to do their fighter thing, by getting excessive amounts of feats. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than watching a Fighter perform his ridiculous feat dance of death through a battlefield, utilizing every choice and actually being effective at it. I know my players absolutely love it, and actually play and do well with fighters.

Effective is the key word here. In my experience, Fighters sort of sag at higher levels if they want to do anything particularly cool with their feats that doesn't require two or less. Yeah, sure, I finally got exotic proficiency katana with greater two wep fighting and improved critical /focus/some strike! Big bloody whoop when the dragon just eats me since I had to put all my feats toward that set up! Meanwhile, Mr. Wizard over there blasts the dragons to smithereenies with Mr. Fighter still inside of it.

If the fighter's big thing is supposed to be his bonus feats (which it seems like to me), then the simple fact that he has to WASTE so many of them on silly feat taxes doesn't constitute means he's being held back from what he was meant to do.

1) The fighter's extra feats don't mean less now, it means they get more feats with which to hit things.

2) What is he gonna do with em? Actually get some defensive feats as well as his offensive feats, or maybe some control feats like Spell Breaker or something!

IME, it's not that fighter's design around feats is hurting the game, it's that the way the feats are designed are hurting the fighter.

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I used to wear pants like you, until I took an arrow in the knee...

Which is why I now wear my Loin Cloth of Holding. Next time I take an arrow to the knee, it'll be just the knee!

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I always viewed Adamantine as a dull, light-absorbing black. Mithril, for it's part, was a bright silver with a blue sheen.

That said, I shall now make all Adamantine in my game pink (which used to be saved for a special homebrew copper that radiated anti-magic). Thus, the big-bad general of the latest massive orc uprising shall be clad in Hot Pink Adamantine! Fear the Pink Orc!

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I'm a little late to the party, and I've generally only skimmed, but...

Was this decision based off PFS or the published adventure paths? If so, why not just ban the thing, or put an addendum to the PFS rules that the MoMS can't pick it up or something?

Basic question is... Why smash a feat into the ground like this and punish those of us who don't use the AP or play PFS, based off a 'standardized' set of rules that bastardizes what's in the rule books anyway?

True, MoMS getting it at level 1 or 2 is OP... Which only lasted until the lower mid levels, balanced out around mid, and shouldn't be a problem at like, level 9+.

Or maybe I'm just a cruel GM who actually makes things challenging for my players. 'Oh noez, there's more than one monster attacking me with more than one attack! GMCHEAT!'.... Seriously, if Crane was such a problem, just throw more mooks at the guy! Problem freaking solved!

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Handy Haversacks. Need I say more?

I love playing 18+ strength characters equipped with Muleback Cords and Heavyload Belts. I always have high STR characters have these as backups in his inventory.

Heavyload Belt:

Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot belt; Price 2,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

This wide leather is held together with two strands of oxen skin threaded through holes on each end.

The belt’s wearer is affected as though subject to a permanent ant haul spell.

Craft Wondrous Item, ant haul; Cost 1,000 gp.

Muleback Cords:

Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot shoulders; Price 1,000 gp; Weight 1/4 lb.

These thick leather cords wrap around the wearer’s biceps and shoulders. When worn, they make the wearer’s muscles appear larger than normal. The wearer treats his Strength score as 8 higher than normal when determining his carrying capacity. This bonus does not apply to combat, breaking items, or any other Strength-related rolls, it only contributes to the amount of equipment or material the wearer can carry.

Craft Wondrous Item, bull's strength; Cost 500 gp.

Ant Hault:

The target's carrying capacity triples. This does not affect the creature's actual Strength in any way, merely the amount of material it can carry while benefiting from this spell. It also has no effect on encumbrance due to armor. If the creature wears armor it still takes the normal penalties for doing so regardless of how much weight the spell allows it to carry.

I think I calculated it out with a 20 str character at being able to drag something like 15000 pounds or something. Just put all the loot, dead allies, and that dragon carcass on the sled, and I'm draggin' it back to town.

Oooh, I just thought of something... Put those two magic items on a pack mule or something xD.

Edit: Need those boulders moved? Check. Need that felled ancient oak rolled out of the road? Check. Need to carry a near TPK + Gear and Loot back to a healer? Check.

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Aww ^-^. Ashiel, you're too awesome. I think some of the best gaming chat I've had (or read) in my two decades of gaming comes from you (top ten!). I'm still around, for the moment. I may lose internet temporarily in two days X_X.

PS: Sweet. I've been swamped with other things and haven't been able to even think about expanding the list myself. Been trying to pound out these three story commissions before I lose net, and life has seen fit to smack my creative matrix with the stress stick. Plus, Pathfinder is fantastic procrastination material!

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My GF's a gamer, though not as much as I am. Still, she absolutely loves gaming, though not as much as our free-form RP story making. Which is how we met BTW, free-form RP online.

That said, she's also into card games (went second at a UFS Pro Tour circuit a while back while I got 16th), and video games... Anime, manga, and so forth as well. This otaku guy got lucky and got himself an otaku gal. Been together for almost 5 years now, and we're still goin' strong.

For myself, gaming's a fairly big part. It's about the only thing that works to kill my stress these days, with the exception of cuddling up with my girl and a good anime (something about her just soothes me like nothing else). It's also a fairly big portion of my 'fun'. Sports, cars, and so forth, can sod off. Give me a controller, some cards, or some dice, and I'm a happy guy.

That said, my first few GFs were in the 'Supportive, but uninterested' category. It works, for those that can do that. I, however, currently cannot get enough of my woman, and when neither of us are in a particularly foul isolationist mood, thoroughly enjoy as much time and activity as I can get with her that I can (fortunately, we live together, so I get time with her quite often, even if it's just being in the same room). If she weren't that interested, I'd be a little distressed, but luckily that's not the case ^_^.

I wish you luck!

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Hmm... a "wait, whut?" moment in game...

For my girlfriend, she claims thus: In Bastards of Erebus, we were stealthily raiding the bandit camp. I'm not sure if it was in the book or if our GM was just weird, but two of the tieflings were having some boy-boy relations in one of the abandoned buildings when her character, the fetchling rogue, failed her stealth check to sneak up on 'em...
Before they attack, they do the whole "Who are you!? What are you doing here!?"... She asks if she can join in (one seemed interested, the other smacked him upside the head). Combat winds up happening, and we slaughter the both of them (I can imagine one saying to the other in hell 'this is why I wear armor all the time, even during THAT time!')...
So, we go to the main building. Rest of us hide while she tries to pick the lock, and fails. She has one round to hide. She used the fetchling SLA to turn into one of the two tieflings. Door opens up. "What do you want?" "My boyfriend left me!"...
Long story (of the rest of it) short, it worked, she made 30 gold off the gambling table, and got us a lay of the land, and a key.

For myself? I claim this: In a home brew campaign, I was playing a really buff dwarf grappler, decked out with as much AC, HP, Strength, and CMB/CMD as I could muster... We wind up fighting in a mountain stronghold (My dwarf's home, actually, and part of his personal story arc). I manage to bowl through everyone to reach the casty BBEG drow that had taken over the stronghold. A small chase scene ensues, with the party dealing with the second in command anti-paladin, and the minions to prevent them from getting to me as I chased the drow up the tower.
Confrontation at the top! Spells get slung, my dwarf takes some damage, and shrugs it off like the arms of so many exhausted bar wenches. Get right up on him, and grapple success!
But wait, something's wrong. This drow knew this prodigal dwarven son, and knew his weaknesses! Utilizing a spell, the drow began to siphon his life as the spiked dwarf of doom was crushing the life out of him. Worse, the spell kept him locked around the drow! What to do?
"I drag him over to the edge." Success on the roll. Another turn passes. The drow laughs at the weakening dwarf, taunting him with the fact he will die, and the drow will forever own this stronghold.
"I'm locked around him, meaning I couldn't let go if I wanted too, right?" "Yeah." "Alright then... Flint takes the drow, and leaps off the tower with him."
Thanks to a lucky roll, the damn priest goes splat beneath the spiked full-plate clad Flint, very squishy like, in the middle of the battle between the other PCs and the priest's minions. Combat pauses as both sides are stunned. Then, grunting and groaning, Flint staggers to his feet with one hp left, bits of priest flesh, bone, and brain matter dripping and flaking off his spiked armor.
"Alright... Who's next?"
With a successful intimidate check, the foes wet themselves and either surrendered, or ran screaming into the tunnels.... It was a good day.

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I blame Cosmo for not knowing who this Cosmo person is. He should do more talk shows, it would make them more interesting. Which I shall also blame him for.

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Sup William. Glad to see other folks are as perturbed by this phenomena as I am.

Here are some examples that made me do a double take, then go '... So, why?'.



Flavor: The best spies are like chameleons, but not only can they
change their appearances to fit the situation, they can also
change their personalities, allegiances, and even loves
if that’s what it takes to achieve their clandestine goals.
Spies are the ultimate manipulators, and even those who
commission their services sometimes find that they’ve
merely served the spies’ own interests.

Mechanics: 1/2 level on bluff checks to deceive someone, and poison use.... Yes, rogue talents for fulfilling everything else, but there's nothing specifically in the archetype fitting the 'change appearance, personalities, etc'. Would've been better with the bonus to disguise IMO.


Flavor: Some rogues are not content with just disabling traps—
they love to build them, finding a captivating beauty in
the turning of gears and the slither of ropes over pulleys.
The trapsmith may have started out putting together traps
in order to better understand how to disable them, but for
most, it’s long since gone beyond that—they now relish the
challenge of creating the perfect combat machine.

Mechanics: It's all about not setting off traps, and bypassing them. Absolutely nothing on actually building them. (I'm a trap lover, so this one irks me to no end)



Many barbarians distrust magic. While most just shy
away from magic, others focus their rage on users of such
foul arts. These barbarians are naturally distrusting,
and develop keen senses to protect them from harm. A
superstitious barbarian has the following class features.

Mechanics:... So, they get a bonus to AC in the surprise round... And they get better vision as they level up... What is this.... I don't... wut? Yeah, ok, better vision for the 'develop keen senses' part. Where's the whole whole 'distrust of magic' in the archetype mechanics itself?

And that's just from the APG in 2 classes... Ok, well, yeah... Maybe I'm being picky, but in my mind, if an archetype is written a certain way... It should actually give you something concerning that, in the core mechanics of the archetype itself. Not in something selectable, for those that have Arcanas, Talents, Discoveries, etc.

Trophy Hunter Ranger.... Get no proficiencies with guns... Hrrrmmmmmmmm....

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Rynjin wrote:
Durinor wrote:
Whale_Cancer wrote:
The Elusive Trout wrote:
I hate it when the player next to me hasn't bathed properly and will say so to his or her face.
You are a true hero of our hobby (no sarcasm intended).
In the real world this is called being rude.
So is refusing to bathe and then sitting at a small table with somebody for multiple hours.

Never use the swimming pool at a gaming con... It turns into a bath.

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I build characters in my off time, usually off the wall non-optimized concepts.

I love dwarves, kobolds, goblins, and orcs.

When I GM, I like to passively try and kill my players... Characters. (Sphere of annihilation in a gargoyle's mouth anyone?)

I am addicted to traps, both as a PC and when GMing.

I'm addicted to poison, no matter how much it sucks late-game.

I'm in the process of totally bastardizing the Pathfinder rules with a metric ton of house rules, and stuff from 3.5 Unearthed Arcana (spell points, combat facing w/ shield facing, hex grid, variable modifiers, Armor as DR, class defense bonus, among others).

I absolutely LOATHE distracted gamers, and punish them severely when GMing (put that mother @$*^ing gameboy AWAY!).


Oh, and I find 4e fascinating. As much as I hate the whole power mechanics of it... I can't stop myself from dying to play my teleporter warlock. I am in LOVE with the idea of offensive teleportation effects.

I also think that Paladins should be renamed to 'Templar', and their alignment must match their deity. Class abilities adjust accordingly.

-My girlfriend's list-
I hate magic items being sold in stores, though I love magic weapons being sold in stores.

I hate point buy systems.

I think everyone should get a free 18 before adding racial bonuses

I think monks are broken.

I hate archetypes that dabble in the affairs of other classes.

I believe only rogues should have trap finding (this might fall into the above).

I believe characters should not chose to do everything (our last group tends to have their characters try and do everything the other characters can do, only better. Spotlight whores).

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Catfolk Hunter iz in ur PF, stalk'n' ur BBEGs...

..... Couldn't resist that old thing.

Seriously though, I'd love to see the Female Dwarven Swashbuckler and the Female Amazonian-type Elf Bloodrager. Muscle Babes FTW.

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Wow this has been necro'd a lot... Glad it did, or I'd never have seen the FAQ ruling. In the mean time....

I've pretty much gotta say I'm very disappointed with Paizo... Or at least whatever team handles the FAQ. Put out an archetype that's far off the mark of it's actual intention, doesn't quite stack up with what it's offering, and in effect becomes more or less a waste of space.

Would it seriously have broken, or at least unbalanced, the game if Massive Weapons worked the way it was originally intended? judging from all the number crunching I've seen on it, it definitely seems like it's considerably less than what others can throw around at equivalent levels.

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It may be my play group and luck, but in my experiences, dwarves are very much a PITA to kill. I've played as one a few times, played in a group with a dwarven sorcerer, and GMed for a party with two dwarves. So.... Avoiding a particularly long series of anecdotes, mainly due to too much time passing since my last game with a dwarf to recall fine details, I'll just say that dwarves are, in play, some of the toughest, meanest, most terrifying SOBs in the core races... and quite a bit of the ARG too.

My dwarf, specced for background and plotline (primarily centered around defense, base fighter -> Stalwart (Dwarven!) Defender), not only outlasted but out-obliterated most encounters. Above and beyond our human barbarian, aasimar sorcerer, tiefling oracle, and ifrit gunslinger (total initiative fiend). Most of them were optimized to the point of near munchkinism. Now, perhaps that was just my (potentially) superior knowledge of battlefield tactics (and what kinds of combat tactics our GM ran (total IRL war fanatic)), perhaps the other players weren't that great at prioritizing what's what in combat (despite the fact that all of them besides me and one other were only really playing for the combat), but the results were the same. Arngier Blackstone trounced encounters through sheer survivability when most fell.

As an aside, this was in a home game. I have yet to manage to drag my sorry rump over to a PFS game, as much as I would like to.

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Charisma is one of those skills more important to those who value either RP, or diplomatic interaction in general. It's not much use to those who seek every last + they can shove into their pockets. It's just the way Charisma is, as a theme, as a concept... Accept it and move on. Sad but true.

(Sorry if this may come across as harsh, but I've heard too many 'charisma is trash' arguments in recent months)

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Ashiel, awesome work. As soon as I get a printer, I plan on printing it out. Excellent read, the parts I had time for. Looking forward to future updates!

Edit: Now that I think about it, I may draft you if I ever get my gaming company up and running. Sadly it takes money to make money, as well as getting those pesky business licenses and what not... *grumble*

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When it comes to controller sorcerers, I must suggest that you don't focus entirely on Save-Or-Suck and buff spells. I would highly suggest investment in the Wall spells, any of the various Pits, and even some cloud/fog spells. The Protean bloodline is perfect for this, particularly it's level 1, 9, and 15 abilities. It's spell list is fairly good, and it's bloodline arcana is perfect for your Transmuation school buffs. I would also advise picking up summon spells, to provide yourself with some meat shields, trap bait, and of course extra muscle.

Beyond that, just be tactical. Go play some RTS or war games and hone your tactical skills. For this sort of build, proper target selection, and proper placement of AoEs, as well as proper timing, are required. I wish you luck!

Edit: I've decided to share my planned spell list from my Anarchic Bloodline Human Sorc. He's got a bit of a preference for Dispelling, since my GMs typically use a lot of humanoids, and a lot of spell casters.

0: Flare, Light, Spark, Ghost Sound, Haunted Fey Aspect, Touch of Fatigue, Mage Hand, Mending, Prestidigitation, Open/Close, Detect Magic, Message

1: Grease, Obscuring Mist, Hydraulic Push, Ray of Enfeeblement, Break, expeditious excavation, touch of gracelessness

2: Twisted Space, Create Pit, Fog Cloud, Haunting Mists, Pyrotechnics, eldritch conduit, frost fall

3: Dispel Magic, Spiked Pit, Shifting Sand, Battering Blast, force punch, ice spears

4: Acid Pit, Black Tentacles, Obsidian Flow, Volcanic Storm, Fleshworm Infestation, river of wind

5: Hungry Pit, Constricting Coils, Icy Prison, Echolocation, Hold Monster, Spell Absorption

6: Sirrocco, Tar Pool, Acid Fog, Greater Dispel Magic, greater eldritch conduit

7: Reverse Gravity, Mass Hold Person, Scouring Winds, Spell Turning, Hungry Darkness

8: Rift of Ruin, Polar Ray, Greater Shout, Wall of Lava, Greater Spell Absorption, (one free to pick)

9: Imprisonment, World Wave, Time Stop, Mages Disjunction (via Expanded Arcana)

Just some food for thought.

Edit 2: some of these spells come from Inner Sea Magic and arent on the srd yet

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Another use for clubs! If they're wood, you've got some firewood. If you have some oil, grease, or other flammable liquid, soak some hemp rope in it, tie it to the end, and set it alight! Ta da, torch! Torches also are treated as improvised bludgeoning weapons that deal damage as a gauntlet of their size + 1 fire damage. Edit!: So, if you've got a lenient DM, they may allow you to deal damage as a club, with that extra +1 fire damage...

I've got something for those low-level parties that prefer to fight smart.

It's a trap!: Traps are a wonderful way to do many wonderful things. A single ball of string/twine is only 1cp, weighs a half a pound, and gives you 50 feet of it, though it does have hardness 0, 1 hp, and a break dc of 14. Setting up camp you can use it to rig up an alarm system with a bunch of sticks, bone, or even bells (though I find bells dubious since they didn't list a perception dc!). If you're feeling particularly devious, or just want to make life hell for some baddies in a dungeon, invest in some of the following. Marbles, Caltrops, Tanglefoot bags, Bear Traps, Trespasser's Boots, any form of paper or parchment, and fishing hooks.

Marbles and Caltrops really only work in the really low levels, but if you spread enough of them out the baddies are going to have to try and carefully tip toe through them without falling down/getting stabbed in the foot for a point of damage. You wind up with prone, or half-speed enemies. Tanglefoot bags can be rigged with twine as a wire-trap that can drop a bag onto an unsuspecting opponent. Bear Traps and Trespasser Boots, while weighing a bit much, can hold a creature in place while doing a fair amount of damage! You could even use them as improvised weapons, jamming an armed bear trap on an enemy (2d6+3 damage) then grab hold of it's chain to keep it from getting away (grappled perhaps?), or making a medium creature's unarmed attack slip into the Trespasser's Boot (2d4 damage) effectively making sure it can't use that attack until it takes it off since it's deep enough for a medium sized character's lower leg. It's also wood, so.... Burn baby burn!

Paper and parchment can be used as a warning system too. Crumple them up, uncrumple them, and lay them out. They should now make a sound when stepped on. You could get creative and lay out some caltrops, lay some paper over it, then camouflage them so you have hidden caltrops. The fun with the twine comes in the form of fish hooks. You can easily construct a small twine net, weaving the fish hooks into them for some nasty little barbs that'll hook in an enemy. I'm not sure how most would rule that, but I myself would call it a point of damage for, say, every five fish hooks in the net or so, since not all of them are going to be able to catch a bite. Set this up as a falling trap, or my personal favorite, a forest of hanging strings with a lot of fish hooks. Don't forget that the twine can easily have the caltrops threaded into them!

For nearly all these traps, cunning mages can throw out some Grease spells. Cover an area that has bear traps, or caltrops, or a stringed net of hooks/caltrops. Slip! PAIN! Need I also point out falling jugs of flaming oil full of caltrops? Or worse yet, falling jugs of tangle foot bags!

Let's go fly a kite!: Kites, given appropriate circumstances, can be used to deliver an aerial pay load. You can rig almost anything with string/twine... Rain down flaming alchemy flasks upon your foes!

Alkali poisoning: Alkali flasks... For those pesky oozes! They're ordinary acid flasks, but against oozes, they deal double damage. Alkali salts can be mixed with water, creating a substance that protects your metal from black pudding & gray ooze dissolving qualities for 1d3 contacts! My dwarf, with his spiked full plates, spiked gauntlets, and dual spiked tower shields (GMs idea, not mine) would have LOVED to have this item... Before he got swallowed by a death ooze, I think, and turned into a naked, bald, beardless dwarf...

THIS DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PEIRCE THE HEAVENS!: Drills can be phenomenally useful. It can bore a 1 inch diameter hole in stone, wood, or metal. Sure it has a dc 15 check to hear the drilling, but think of the USES. You could drill through the second floor, and pour some alchemist fire down to rain flaming doom upon the doomed heads of your doomed enemies. Or, you could drill into the ground some and set some iron spikes up as a trap (I love traps). Make a peep hole through a door. Maybe even lob a cross bow bolt through it! Or a blow gun dart! Poisoned darts through a closed door, they'll never know what hit em!

Dressed to kill: Never underestimate a good set of clothing. The Adventurer's scarf gives you a bandoleer of six secure pouches. The pocketed scarf gives you small pockets to hide small objects in and grants a +4 on the sleight of hand checks for it. Perfect for a rogue or bard to slip that vial of poison into a dark lord's ball. Doctor's Mask grants you a +1 circumstance bonus to fort saves versus airborne toxins or scent effects, while a Doc's Outfit grants a +2 circumstance fort vs disease. Cold weather outfits, snow shoes, cleats, hot weather outfits, furs, all good for differing environs. Reinforced scarf acts like an 8 ft long chain!

Couldn't think of anything witty for cages...: Picking up a cage or two for Fine/Diminutive, and Tiny sized, will provide for some good game-traps for survival. Catch some small things, and cook em!

Death Spike!: Iron Spikes are particularly useful. You could use them as improvised weapons, potentially spiking an opponent to a surface, possibly a thrown improvised weapon, or just stab someone in the face. They make for decent door jams, or can be used to pin something to a wall. Maybe spike an orc to a wall as an announcement to it's brethren in a dungeon when you set up camp for the night (if you're high enough level, casting explosive runes on the note that was spiked to him makes for a STRONG message!). Hell, spike a bear trap or a chain or something to the ground! Get creative people! I typically used them with a high strength character, get a warhammer or an ordinary hammer and you can easily spike someone to a surface.

Well that's all I have time for for now. If no one else tackles them, I may do the feather tokens next time.

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Hmm, true. When I was originally going for it I was basing it off Rumpel, but as time went on I decided to focus more on the contract aspect, and went a little more Faustian with it.

I can definitely see it as a triggered Bestow Curse item... The question is how does one go about altering reality to apply in accordance with the contract? Easiest guess would be Wish/Miracle, which automatically denotes the guy's at LEAST 18th level. Admittedly at the moment this is the part I'm most interested in.

I'd like to know what else the actor is in, as I'm hoping to watch some more of his stuff to know if he's as awesome as he appears to be. In the mean time, while my GF and I initially was a little 'meh' with Once Upon a Time, finding Grimm a better show... Once Rumpelstiltskin showed up, and as it went on, we both fell in love with the character and he has skyrocketed the show up to the top of our favorite list. We definitely plan on buying the series on DVD when it's released, mainly for that character.

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Love it, love everything about it. Need to get 7 bucks + S&H to see the final product (or pester the SRD guys to put it up in 3rd party archetypes lol), but so far, love it a lot.

I may have to talk to my GM about using this + Maxximilius' Dandy archetype... Just seems to fit so well.

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I'd like to reiterate the point I brought up earlier that got lost in the later sea of posts and flame.

Honestly, if the party Wizard who takes a lot of the Crafting feats, want's to charge 10% to party members for time expended, then by all means he is free to do so. In fact, I would say that the party should be encouraged to do so. Allow me to explain why....

That extra gold can very easily go to expanding his spell book. These are all spells that will inevitably benefit the party, weather through more combat spells, or utility spells. Even more spells to craft a wider range of magic items. Not only that, but that is all gold that could be going to wands, scrolls, and potions. Even the Wizard saving the extra gold to buy a magic item for himself whilst he crafts magic items for others is a good idea, because it keeps the Wizard viable in this games ever scaling requirement of +s. Oh, and if it's another class, like the cleric, that extra gold can go to CLW wands, for example.

Seriously though. It all really boils down to players perception on the game. If they view it as a game to 'win', then any form of a player gaining an advantage over them, no matter how small, are going to find the above idea abhorrent. Those who are more into it for the joy of the game, do more role playing and thus do things from an IC perspective, or just generally don't care, those are the ones who'll enjoy the above idea.

In either case, it's something that should be discussed before taking said feats.

YMMV, really.

Also, I'd like to add that if anything, a crafter can craft items on credit, either for gold, favors, or other things to occur later. Or they can even waive the fee if situation calls for it.

What would really put a problem on things is a notion of interest, which is what my old playgroup used to do when loaning gold to people for magic items... THAT is a jerk move. One person even had compound interest (and yet people still borrowed gold from him), every character.

And yes, I've skimmed a few pages afterwords to see if anyone commented, or even read it. Only to see more flame and hot temper.

I'll have to go back and read everything else, curious how the whole 'communist' thing got started, lol.

Hoping I didn't reinitiate a war of napalm?

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Honestly, I say just Speilburg the situation. Pregnancy works, mother appears to miscarry, Wolf Mother kidnaps baby like you have planned (and makes sure it lives), and you wind up with a reverse Vader-Luke situation.

Given the natural lycanthropy, you can even have the child age supernaturally fast, it's a handwave, sure, but it might make sense, specially if the Wolf Mother has a ritual to increase the age of her offspring (which would also give her new 'Vader' an army to command). Intense training could give it class levels.

The story potential is HUGE here, don't miss out.

Edit: And yet another of Ashiel's posts to favorite :). Stop that!

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Ok, I haven't really read a lot of the posts. Got tired of reading the same exact BS over and over again.... Got to about page 10 or so before tiring of it.

Honestly, if the party Wizard who takes a lot of the Crafting feats, want's to charge 10% to party members for time expended, then by all means he is free to do so. In fact, I would say that the party should be encouraged to do so. Allow me to explain why....

That extra gold can very easily go to expanding his spell book. These are all spells that will inevitably benefit the party, weather through more combat spells, or utility spells. Even more spells to craft a wider range of magic items. Not only that, but that is all gold that could be going to wands, scrolls, and potions. Even the Wizard saving the extra gold to buy a magic item for himself whilst he crafts magic items for others is a good idea, because it keeps the Wizard viable in this games ever scaling requirement of +s. Oh, and if it's another class, like the cleric, that extra gold can go to CLW wands, for example.

Seriously though. It all really boils down to players perception on the game. If they view it as a game to 'win', then any form of a player gaining an advantage over them, no matter how small, are going to find the above idea abhorrent. Those who are more into it for the joy of the game, do more role playing and thus do things from an IC perspective, or just generally don't care, those are the ones who'll enjoy the above idea.

In either case, it's something that should be discussed before taking said feats.

Edit: YMMV, really.

Also, I'd like to add that if anything, a crafter can craft items on credit, either for gold, favors, or other things to occur later. Or they can even waive the fee if situation calls for it.

What would really put a problem on things is a notion of interest, which is what my old playgroup used to do when loaning gold to people for magic items... THAT is a jerk move.

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After reading a lot of the same thing... I skipped out on the last five to ten posts... I only offer this idea to fix the whole 'class' problem. Granted, this almost wrecks the d20 system to it's core.... But eh.

Just axe each and every class, make a giant list of class abilities, and let players pick and chose as they level up. Make damned sure they have prerequisites that both make sense, and keep them in the same general power range as ordinary d20. Group certain ones together as 'class packages' that people can chose to simplify it for them.

I know, "WTF" right? This stems wholly from my belief that classes, at their core, are merely a list of class abilities and skills that someone has decided to learn, rather than a job description that straightjackets a character... Sadly, d20 does not share my view, but it's still a fun system nonetheless.

I know my idea would take a crap ton of work, but it definitely allows individuality and customization to characters, above and beyond what multi classing can do, and really let players get their character mechanics to fit the fluff they want. It's something I also feel will prevent a lot of the loophole based optimaxing (Barbarian-Oracle rage-cycling for example) given that such a system would be far easier to monitor and compare power. Of course, that's IF the class abilities that are busted (don't work, confusing, broken, or just generally 'WHAT THE!?' inducing) actually get FIXED.

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I have two Anecdotes to share. Great thread btw, haven't laughed this hard in a while.

Spoilered for... Not sure what but I'm not certain it's politically correct...

So in a homebrew campaign, we were the poor shmucks who unwittingly partook in the theft of a deific artifact, the Heart of Shelyn, from her major temple in Absalon. The real thieves bumped into us, dropped it, and as the fates would have it, it broke. We found out later about some big shpeal about the rage of a broken heart and fated lovers reuniting mends all heart wounds (as it turned out, the bard was the one who bumped into the female thief carrying the item, and therefore their destinies were intwined and only love would mend the heart).

We track it all up and down the inner sea, using our half to find it. Dealing with various pirates, thugs, bandits, and wraiths and other ghosts an enraged Shelyn kept sending after us. Turns out Shelyn acts like any other woman when her heart is broken, and we were guilty by association (DM's words, not mine). Finally we get to one of the smaller port cities of the eastern inner sea, I can't recall each one, and we follow it's signature trail to a warehouse.

Long story short after some investigation, my inquisitor of Pharasma, the bard, and for some reason the cleric of Gozreh, decide to sneak in through the back. The rogue wanted to slide in through the roof. The Barbarian was off having her own sub plot at this point (which lead to her multiclassing into witch), while the sorcerer sat out front trying to figure out what she was going to do... Finally, she walks up to the door, and knocks.

Guard: Who's there? What do you want?
Sorc: I'm looking for something.
Guard: Oh yeah? What?
Sorc: Something I need.
Guard: And what do you need?

At this point, the entire group busts up laughing. After about five minutes of breathing and stifling the giggles, the DM decides to roll with it.

Guard: A man with a tattoo on his dick huh? Hold on.

The guard calls Johnny over.

Guard: Johnny, there's a pissed off looking woman here looking for a man with a tattoo on his dick. Who's daughter did you knock up now?
Johnny: No one, I swear! At least, not that I've been told!

Johnny looks through and has no idea who our sorcerer is. So after a bit of back and forth I can't quite recall, she asks for confirmation he is who he says he is. There is some shuffling of crates behind the door, as Johnny stick his wang out of the peep hole (or whatever you call the sliding window door things).

Sorc: (out of character) I handle it for a few seconds to 'make sure', and afterwords.... MAGIC MISSILE!

Guy takes 3d4 points to the crotch, laughter is had by all (including Johnny's fellows). Thanks to Johnny being blown backwards enough, Guard finally notices that our rogue has been offing the people from behind and dragging them off to the shadows after he fell off his rope and into a barrel of fish. The rogue, at this point, was dragging the corpse to the darkness, stopped what he was doing, and announced he was the janitorial service. This opened combat with my True Shot -> Called Shot crossbow bolt to the FACE with a double crit confirmed (auto-kill in our group). To this day, "Man with a tattoo on his dick" elicits prolonged giggling, and the legend of Johnny permeates every game we have played since, even in different campaigns and different time frames.

Good times, good times. The only other anecdote of hilarity I can recall is from one of my oldest memories of my first gaming group.

I was playing a half-elf rogue in 3.0. Having maxed out and gotten as many bonuses as I possibly could to Pick Pocket, I was deemed the guy who could steal anything, in plain sight, in broad day light. Somehow the bard talked all of our way into a royal ball, so we could deal with the king's corrupt adviser. After the bard makes several failed diplomacy and bluff checks, I decide to liven up the rapidly darkening mood. The adviser found himself with no clothing, in the middle of a packed ball which has ceased entirely to witness the exchange.

This immediately swings things backs into the bard's favor, and my DM decides to give my womanizing, drunken, pocket filching rogue a reward for such quick thinking. The eldest, and sluttiest, princess finds her way over to him, having witnessed what he did while no one else had. Complimenting him on his fast finger work, she comments on the fragile delicate beauty of a woman's virtue, and how my character could probably steal the purity from a convent-bound princess. I decided to roll a pick pocket, and with a nat 20, declared "I already have..." while making my exit as smooth as any super spy movie.

This elicits quite a few laughs on it's own. What added to it was the DM expounded on that with her having to retreat to her bedroom to fix her dress and her hair... The smarmy barbarian (good friend of mine) goes "And thus begins the horrible legend of Kaelaran, the only man to be in and out in under two seconds."

Took us all ten minutes to recover from that one.... Man, humor was so different back then. Or at least that kind of humor was more humorous than what we got now xD.

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Howdy doody folks! I was just listening to my youtube playlist, consisting of various power metal, symphonic/melodic metal, 80s rock, and random tidbits of other genres, most of which I listen to on my MP3 player. Then I thought back to one of my older groups, and got nostalgic.

One of my best DMs had a small laptop full of hundreds of MP3s, which would be played at certain points in the sessions. There was never a session where there wasn't SOMETHING playing. We had battle music, boss battle music, scenic travel and town music, and then good ol' fashioned 80s rock during break time. It really set the mood for the game, and honestly was one of the best times of my life. Pizza, soda, friends, music, an epic tale, and a chance to bash some skulls in! (Not literally!)

Never before, or since, have I found a group that has done such a thing. My last group had one guy with a smart phone who would constantly play various final fantasy battle musics during combat, but the same thing got teeth-gnashing after a while (I play enough of the games at home, thank you very much). It was, admittedly, something that I find lacking in every group I have joined since, since as one of my earliest groups it colored my perception of a fun session. I tend to take my Mp3 player and listen to my playlist in one ear while the game goes on these days, even if the pizza and epic tales are lacking.

So, as I put together my own campaign for my first foray into a levels 1-20+ story line, I now find myself trolling* around for some epic music to set the mood during game play. My current favorites: almost anything from Dragonforce (Through the Fire and the Flames, and Last Journey Home, make for excellent Pathfindering), Nightwish.... Well I haven't really looked around that much but yeah.... All I do know is Welcome to the Jungle is perfect for the big, corrupt, decaying socially sort of cities like Rome, perhaps usable for Taldor and it's cities in Pathfinder.

So, do you guys play music while you game, at any point in time? Have you, or anyone you know, used music to set the mood and done it WELL? Do you like it, or the idea of it? Or would you rather background be so silent you can hear a pin drop during games? If you've got any RPG-themed playlists that fit for one reason or another, be it a character theme song or a general feel of a portion of the story, feel free to post up your suggestions and favorites of music (and why, if you can)!

See the Intransitive Verb and Synonyms. Posted for clarification since I know how the interwebz has corwupted Engrish!!1!

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Luckily I havent had this problem myself in recent years, as my last group's DM reflavored Paladins to be Templars, the militant arm of their church. Required being the same alignment as the deity. I actually quite liked that fix...

However, one of my earliest games with 3.X, and the reason I never played a paladin again until my most recent DM, was particularly... Unenjoyable. See, the DM had a strict rule of at game start, no one was allowed to know what everyone else was. This was mainly due to cutting down on the group asking, during character creation, things like "who has healing?/who has what languages?/who has what spells?" and taking all the mystery out of the game. I rolled up a LG paladin, three others rolled up NG (fighter, cleric, and bard I think), and we had one CG (a rogue), and one N wizard. A mostly heroic party...

As the game progresses, people are doing quite heroic things. Then after a few sessions, my character, whom had to keep his identity a secret due to some underhanded dealings going on back in his Order, finally wound up revealing that he was a Paladin with some good ol' fashioned smitey goodness (... Until then they had thought I was a multiclass Cleric/Fighter or something... Hadn't had the chance to SMITE! yet). Spit hit the fan.

Almost immediately afterwords, the party started to do more and more evil things. That CG character rapidly started being CE. Suffice to say that long story short it wound up with three dead PCs, in the middle of a dungeon, with no rogue to get the rest out of the rapidly filling water-room trap... Good times were had by most, but there was much bad blood between the Rogue player and I afterwords, as he took the whole thing as a personal assault. Seeing as he was the main lease holder and half the rest of the group were roomies with him in their apartment, I resolved not to trouble them further and excused myself from the group two sessions later....

Personally though, a Paladin can only take so much before smiting the rogue that is constantly prodding them to fall, in the face, with a triple nat 20. What confounds me is he had stated he was alright with PVP between the characters to enhance the story. Not my fault my dice loved me...

That reminds me. I need to find that d20.... And a new group.

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Feat: Throw Anything

Items needed: 4 Greatswords, 1 vat Sovereign's Glue

Process: Sovereign's Glue 4 Greatswords in the shape of a shuriken

Ta Da!

When in doubt, Sovereign's Glue!

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