Captain Yesterday's Guide To Skyrim Incompetence: Legendary Edition!


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

To think I've come so far since my first day in Skyrim, when I learned how ridiculous these Nords can be...

I was exploring the village of Riverwood and found myself in the mill owner's home. At first, a young boy in the house seemed open to answering a lot of my questions about current events in the region, but when I kept pressuring him to tell me more he copped an attitude and told me to stop asking him questions! My first thought was, Ugh, RUDE. Then he ran away from me and cowered behind his bed! My second thought was, What milk drinkers these Nords raise.

Which is about the time his mother stabbed me in the kidney with a dagger and his father buried an axe in my chest, screaming at me to get out of their home. As I collapsed bleeding on the floor, my vision tunneling into that narrow death, I looked at the clock and realized that it was a couple of minutes after midnight.

Silly me! I had accidentally overstayed my welcome. But I must say the family's reaction was an unnecessary escalation. Who knew Nords had problems with strange men in their homes badgering their children with questions in the middle of the night? Such a backwards part of Tamriel.


You think that's backwards? They get really upset if you turn into a werewolf in broad daylight, no matter how many dragons you keep from burning down their villages!! How quaint!


The Game Hamster wrote:
You think that's backwards? They get really upset if you turn into a werewolf in broad daylight, no matter how many dragons you keep from burning down their villages!! How quaint!

This is why vampires will win the war. People may not like the look of us, but so long as we can write it off as 'ataxia', we're good to go.


Lathiira wrote:
The Game Hamster wrote:
You think that's backwards? They get really upset if you turn into a werewolf in broad daylight, no matter how many dragons you keep from burning down their villages!! How quaint!
This is why vampires will win the war. People may not like the look of us, but so long as we can write it off as 'ataxia', we're good to go.

Not necessarily Vampire huggers! I was once a werewolf for 24 straight hours in the game. It took me from a level 3 (or thereabouts) werewolf to all of the wolf stats filled in, having every wolf perk. And I was able to transform immediately upon my change back.


There was a giant squatting in my garden, eating all my cabbage and swamp fungal pods. I let him stay for awhile, but then he started hanging out by the front yard stomping about.

So I summoned Flamer the Flame atronach, got my brand new shocking bow out, readied my force shout and get a nice healthy distance from it and plink him in the forehead, and let loose my shout.

Bad idea!

He gets up and blasts Flamer with one ground pulverizing blow and comes after me. So I run, go to the neighbors house, their door is locked, so I run some more (so that's what stamina potions are for!) And happen across Mister Bear. Sorry mister bear, no time today! So now I have a giant and a bear chasing me and I'm running out of potions. But luckily my shout was back and I could summon Flamer again! So I shout, summon and let loose a wild barrage of arrows, took out mister bear almost immediately and with Flamer's ever so momentary delay of the giant I was able to both back up and continue to fire arrows, no panic, just keep firing, and then as he was about to paste me across the mountain range three counties over I shot the killing blow pretty much up his nose.

I honestly thought I was going to die.

Rampageth!!!!


The problem with being a werewolf in Skyrim is it sucks.

Sure I can maul people and eat their faces but you can't drink potions, wield a sword, or anything else.

The problem with being a vampire is vampire fatigue, they're everywhere these days (same with zombie apocalypse fatigue).


captain yesterday wrote:

The problem with being a werewolf in Skyrim is it sucks.

Sure I can maul people and eat their faces but you can't drink potions, wield a sword, or anything else.

The problem with being a vampire is vampire fatigue, they're everywhere these days (same with zombie apocalypse fatigue).

I agree, if we are just talking base Skyrim. I only ever became a werewolf there so that I could join the companions, but with the dawn guard dlc I enjoy it allot.


Probably because you can upgrade your werewolf, and sort of "level up"


I tried levelling up my werewolfness, I wasn't impressed.

It's cool looking, but pretty useless to me. Ymmv.


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...
I shouldn't have opened this thread...
Now I want to waste more time playing Skyrim...
...
Oh whatevs.

Liberty's Edge

Yossarin wrote:
A while back I wandered through Riften and found my way into a neighborhood for homeless people located in a section of the sewer below town. The neighborhood would have been quaint except that some cretin had been in there littering the floor with things like bottles of wine, tomatoes and cabbage, iron cookwear, ratty cloth garments and shoes. As a thane of Riften I feel I have a duty to its people, so I tidied up their home by removing all of these meager possessions scattered around their sleeping area. I would have taken them to a local Goodwill, but there isn't one in Riften - a local jest of sorts that there is no "good will" to be found in there, ha ha! - so instead I did the next best thing: sold them to a merchant for some pocket change and bought some sweet rolls to reward myself for a good deed done. #keepskyrimclean

I once kind of did the exact opposite thing in Whiterun. I broke into every house and stole everything that wasn't nailed down. Then I stood at the top of the stairs leading up to Dragonsreach and systematically dropped every item, one at a time, until I had an asteroid belt of wooden plates, apples, brooms and other detritus floating around me. By the time I closed out my inventory and resumed the game, the rubbish clusterfork had so heavily taxed the graphics engine the game just gave up and crashed on me.

I tried again, but closed out my inventory after dropping every 12th item. Victory! I laughed mightily as every wave of garbage rolled down the stairs and into the city below. Any trash that landed behind me was scattered across the Dragonsreach bridge by my thu'um. After that, I just kind of avoided Whiterun. That city was a Divines damned mess.


What I learned from playing as a Vampire Lord for awhile... the only reason the dragons took over is that the vampires didn't care enough.

How I learned this!:
I started to get into the high level stuff when the powerful dragons start to come by. I could go and beat them up, shoot 'em, use magic, but it always took awhile. The Legendary showed up and was definitely out of my league.

In desperation I transformed into the Vampire Lord and the blood magic blasts killed it in 9 hits. I stood there in shock for a few seconds and realized how much more powerful the vampire is than the werewolf.


Wraithguard wrote:

What I learned from playing as a Vampire Lord for awhile... the only reason the dragons took over is that the vampires didn't care enough.

** spoiler omitted **

Eh...

I've killed a vampire Lord as a werewolf. Their charge attack will stagger dragons, mammoths and giants and can be used up close on the larger creatures continuously, just because they aren't magical potent shouldn't be the deciding factor. The werewolves are stronger and faster, and with the totems ferocious out in the open. Without space, the vampire would stand better, but with free range, an inhuman stamina, a charge that knocks opponents down, and a gigantic strength and healing boost, played right, those werewolves are nothing to mock.
Edit: of course, run into silver and you have a bit of an issue... Till you eat their heart anyhow.


So, someone's been breaking into my house and baking s*@& in my kitchen.

Everyone is a suspect...


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It was the butler.

...it's always the butler.


Dragonbait is happily living up to his name, as there isn't a dragon in Skyrim that won't attack him while wandering down the road, chatting with some fellow travelers or clinging to the side of a cliff.

However, with a dwarven greataxe of consuming and taken to wearing a dragon priest mask I can't help but think it might've taken a darker turn then where Jeff Grubb and Kate Novak would've gone with it.


A couple days ago, I broke my game.
I got a rescue Belethor quest from the companions. He isn't really supposed to be an option for that quest. So the game got confused on where I was supposed to be, put one marker on my map, and a different one on my compass, and neither was the right place. I found the tunnel, but Belethor was not there. He had literally glitched off-world. I had to use console commands to fix it so that I could move on with the quest.


So, I'm rampaging through this Not Pathfinder Goblins cave and find this skull, so I pick it up, but it turns out it weighs like 3 pounds and I can't drop it.

Great, now I have a big f~+%ing skull I'm lugging around.

So I find this other Not Pathfinder Goblin cave, this one very tall and annoyingly circuitous, and at the top is a mess of Not Pathfinder Goblins in a big courtyard or something. After getting mauled by dude riding his f$&&ing pig (that will NOT do pig!) I was able to climb up the wall a bit and rain down hell with my bow (which I named A Dark And Stormy Bow).

After my rampage I notice a throne while I was pillaging that matched my skull, so I put it where it's supposed to go.

Turns out it resurrects some icy megazord or something, luckily megazord guy helpfully kicked me across the courtyard against the door.

So I left.


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Wise choice. That giant is pretty tough. Though last time I fought him, he punted me and closed while I got up. My health was going down and I swung 3 times at him with my mace before I realized it said 'search'. Oops.


Yeah, I occasionally go back to pepper him with arrows when I start to get cocky. :-)


I hope those are some serious arrows then!


I think I got one stuck under his fingernail, once.

But no, dude doesn't feel s%&~.


Sounds right.


Deathbrand Armor doesn't exist in my current game for some reason (because i can't have nice things!).

I went to all the places, but nothing's doing.

F$!& it.


You DO have the treasure map, right? And no mods that alter those locations?


No mods, the treasure map never appeared where it was supposed to.


That's rather odd. You killed everyone there?


Oh yes, everyone.

In hindsight I should've gone back to a previous save but I was fairly confident in my ability to find it without the map.

Too late now, that was forever ago and I've already found a spellbook for summoning a Dremora Lord.

Maybe I'll finally get to the vampire DLC.


Too many times, you need to find the map before you find the loot, and I think Deathbrand qualifies.

I do recommend Dawnguard. But get ready for a lot of random attacks. When I got done, I kind of missed them to be honest. Ended up getting a few mods to generate some more.


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How to tell some things never change:

Off exploring a bit in the mountains, filling in the ol' map. I'm not too far from the Stonehill camp and a couple shrines when a frightened woman runs up to me, telling me she escaped from bandits. I offered to escort her to civilization but she felt safe enough travelling on her own. She thoughtfully informed me of their whereabouts and I looked at the map: Mistwatch. One of only a few places I haven't cleared! But my memory is telling me something is wrong with the place....

I infiltrate the keep, no guards outside (not alive, at any rate). I get to the bottom of one tower and hear someone calling me over as I check a door that won't open. I then realize what I'd gotten myself into. The Questgiver starts talking...then goes chasing off after the bandits who just came through the door I couldn't go through yet.

Mr. Questgiver is a commoner, a peasant. He's down in one hit.

My quests update with orders to find the guy's wife in another tower. He didn't say that to me before rushing to impale himself on some bandit's steel sword, but hey, I give it a try. I sneak through the whole complex, dropping double-cast Destruction spells from the shadows, once in a while using my staff/dragonbone warhammer on someone after picking their pockets. Finally I find the woman I'm looking for.

She doesn't want to talk; she wants to fight. Then she gets scared, runs off into a cell and tries to hide there. I try to end the fight and she just won't talk to me. So my staff goes up, comes down, and off with her head. I loot her, wisely leaving the wedding ring behind. I now have an update to go find the guy who did a great job skewering himself on a bandit's blade. So yes, I have tasks to talk to dead people...and me without a good ghost-summoning spell.

Needless to say, I'll live with the tasks, I cleared the keep, now I'm off to Lakeview to do some more enchanting.


Has it been almost a month since I last played a video game.


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Looks like it. Been playing Halo Wars a lot. Also, good morning, everyone.


That's a shame, cap'n. I just shifted over to some Diablo 3 for a bit myself.


Let's see where we left off...


Level 39 and deep in Alfrond's sphincter.


Skills!

Conjuration 65
Enchanting 61
Smithing 37; it's boring.
Two handed 54
One handed 54
Archery 92; yeah, I'm pretty good (now).
Light armor 64
Sneak 94, but I don't put any perks there.


captain yesterday wrote:

Skills!

Conjuration 65
Enchanting 61
Smithing 37; it's boring.
Two handed 54
One handed 54
Archery 92; yeah, I'm pretty good (now).
Light armor 64
Sneak 94, but I don't put any perks there.

Smithing may be boring, but it is so very useful. It is about the first or second skill I max out because of that.


My character has gone legendary three times so far on smithing.

And now I see the word I've waited for...Bruma....

Scarab Sages

I've never quite understood going legendary. Do you lose the ability to smith all of the cool stuff until you level up to it again?


Yes, you do. But it means you can keep leveling up. That's helpful for those of us who either a) want to bring back the entire dungeon as loot (thus needing stamina), b) want to fight everything at once (need hp), c) want to cast the biggest spells over and over (need yet more magicka), or d) want to become the highest level person in the land. Because at points, it gets really hard to level do to the grind of needing to boost skills up.

Scarab Sages

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I never even thought about bringing home all of the miscellaneous items like clothes irons and brooms until I found out about the magic forge in the college basement. Almost everything you can pick up has some use.


So the last time I played, I had the idea to incorporate the College of Winterhold into my homebrew world as I have a Skyrim/Land of the Linnorm Kings/Viking culture analog country called Nordheim. I wrote down all of the faculty and students' names, races, and magical specialties, and will eventually get around to statting them out for world-building funzies. Not sure why I was inspired to do so. I was playing my least-mage-like character who is also the Archmage, and I was equipping the apprentices with adept-level robes and hoods. The college will be bigger, with more lower-level apprentices than the three newbies in the game. I see those three as the Skyrim equivalent of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. :P


Also, re: legendary, KarlBob...I've made my smithing legendary FOUR times so far because I could. I am pretty sure I'm the premier jewelry craftsman in all of Skyrim. And Solstheim. And Bruma now too.


What's this, a new play through!

I needed a break from Jojo and New Vegas for a bit, and one thing I learned from both New Vegas and Fallout 3 is you don't get a full grasp of these games until your third play through (or maybe that's just me).

Anywhoo, third time it is! This time I'm going more sneaky elf with death arrows, and less summon everything.

I have a high elf with kinda scary war paint named Maribelle.


First lesson learned!

While shooting chickens with a bow is a hilarious way of experience mining, it turns out the guards get super pissed if you shoot them all.

Or at least more than one.


"You're pretty, I'll give you that, just stay away from my husband!" - Some lady walking by.


I'm also working on my illusion spells like fury and fear.

So far I've pissed off a wolf enough he attacked... Me.

And scared a bandit enough he ran away and got all his buddies...

I might need to work on my strategies with those spells...


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I am convinced that chickens were put into the game as part of a joke. Not for any sort of immersion, but as a way to get hordes of players to kill one and then get mangled by the guards.

That said, undead chickens are just plain funny.


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I'm a huge fan of zombie bunny bombs.


Second lesson learned.

Just because you can cast fury on everyone, doesn't mean you should cast fury on everyone.

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