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That's just it. The only reason I GMPC at all is because what I really want to do is play, but I'm the only one who can run it. This is my problem IRL too. I really want to just play, but because nobody else ever wants to GM, it's my responsibility by default. And it's even worse IRL because I can't even GM because my work schedule's centered around evening shifts, with Monday and Tuesday being my most regular days off, but all my friends have 9-5 Monday through Friday jobs, so our schedules aren't in sync regularly enough to have a game at all.
I've never liked GMing. I always feel like it's too much math and time to juggle. But if I don't do it, then I simply don't get to play at all.
Also, I'm not so sure about bringing my RP buddies here. At least part of the reason our group formed in the first place was due to a preoccupation among the majority of our members with encounters of a more...intimate, nature. Case in point, I introduced Rise of the Runelords, and at least two players (the admin and his girlfriend, specifically) both made a beeline for the Pixie's Kitten, Sandpoint's brothel. I didn't do anything to dissuade them, and I hope they get it out of their system. But the fact remains that our community's somewhat built around the fact that we allow explicit stuff into the roleplay, which is actually something I myself have become much more uncomfortable with.
And in addition, I feel really, really nervous about applying. I feel like once an AP reaches a certain amount of people interested in it, it's too late to apply, much like applying for a job or auditioning for a part. The people who come first are the ones that are most likely to get picked. And it would be rude to ask someone to run an AP for me. That smacks of entitlement and laziness.
Z-dawg: it's OK buddy! We've all been there. Or at least, every GM I've ever met IRL, myself included. You GM well for a long enough time and you just sort of become the defacto GM. Then you get the urge to gat on the other side of the action and your players don't understand. "But... you're our GM? Who's going to run?"
My advice would be, if you have the time maybe jump into a game here. I know; in your 2nd paragraph you explained why that's a challenge and that's another thing we all have in common: stage fright; social awkwardness or anxiety.
I tried a meetup.com group in my area but one guy's game was full and then when I did get an invite I chickened out b/cause I was nervous about meeting strangers. I felt desperate and stupid and didn't like myself for being so anxious and nervous.
I stopped gaming altogether at that point but made a point to still be social w/my players. I went to board game nights w/them. I also joined a public speaking group called Toastmasters through my work. When I finally started gaming again I put a thread up here in the "recruitment" boards and I got a couple hits. We met in public, at a neutral game store, and because I'd taken some time out of the frustrations for a while it helped me have the confidence to carry through with it.
It ended up being a great experience. I was honest w/my new players and they eventually let me play in a couple of their games so I got to be both PC and GM. Also they were into RP like I am, so I got the experience I wanted.
The cherry on top was that one of my tactics friends joined us and he had some fun. He actually got into some of the RP stuff and wanted more of it. Eventually these new folks and I parted ways, but my old gaming buddy helped me sell a similar game to my old group and now I'm playing the game I want with my good friends. We've even invited still other new players to the table.
I'm not saying you'll have a similar experience but I can say that from what you say carrying on the way you are will make you miserable. I hope you can commit to trying some of the following and see if it makes a difference in your gaming life and fun:
- Tell your players ALL of what's bothering you.
- Take a break from running, even if its a short break.
- Explore other players/games.
- Be willing to ask for things; don't demand, but ASK.
A note on the last point: there's nothing wrong w/asking people for stuff. That's not lazy or entitled; that's human. But there's a way to ask that's respectful and considerate. Then there's demanding things.
I've asked my players to be more into RPing. Some have, others haven't. For those who've either enjoyed RP before or are willing to give it to me I include some more RP scenes in my game. However I know some of my players aren't served by these scenes so I try to have at least a little action every game. This compromise is my way of saying to my players: "I'm asking, not demanding more RP. I know some of you said no, and that's ok, so I'm including your needs WITH mine."
Archy, there's nothing that says you can't ASK someone to run you through something. It's what happens if they say no that defines your level of "entitlement." If you at that point demand, threaten, or in any other way try to FORCE them to do it, you're entitled. However if you TALK w/them, find out why they can't or won't run for you, and come to some kind of compromise like maybe not now, but in a week or possibly if you can get 3 friends or whatever, THEN you're all good.
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I just don't want to violate forum etiquette. The other forum I roleplay on besides the one I've been talking about is Giant in the Playground, where they're very strict about posting rules to keep the forum clean. Plus, the people who'd found the forum I've been talking about (including myself) started said forum because our original RPs on the official Dungeons and Dragons mature board were declared to be spam by the administration there.
So is there any advice in this thread that you DO like AZ? It seems as though you have a reason not to do anything suggested here. You know the cycle of your gaming and are able to articulate it well. You also know the points you wish to change. You know what you're capable of. Finally, you've heard several people's suggestions of what they would/have done about it in your situation.
What are you prepared to do?
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Prepare a a character in advance for an AP I want to play and keep an eye on the recruitment forum so when it comes up I can pounce and be one of the first ones to apply, thus reducing the chance someone will have the same race/class combination and I'll be redundant, and reducing the need to play something I don't want to play just in the hopes I'll be recruited?
Ditch my GMPC and talk to the admin about him doing an AP (I know he has Kingmaker) so I can devote my energy to playing in his and GMing in mine?
Play a freeform RP on my forum set on Golarion that isn't an AP, which is more my group's speed?
Stew in my insecurity and self-delusional shame?
I recommend that you PLAY another campaign that is overtly "beer and pretzels" style. It's very freeing and you'll realize that you can have fun winging it too. Plus beer will help you be less controlling. Unless you're THAT kind of drunk.
Hiya.
My suggestion is to tell the players the basic story outline about the Adventure Path. Seriously. If you are going to be running, say, Savage Tide...
"You all have lived in a big sea-side city called Sassarine. It's in the sub-tropics, basically. You guys get hired by a rich check named Lavinia who has problems with her nutty, probably evil, hedonistic, greedy brother. You do some basic pirate treasure hunting and find something really powerful. A lot of ship and ocean going adventure for a while, then you shipwreck on the Isle of Dread (where you were heading to anyway). Trek across it to a certain location, set up a town, do some exploring of the isle, etc. There's more pirates, some ancient temples and tombs, that kind of thing. Eventually you figure out that a major demon lord (or lords) are trying to destroy the world, basically, so you oppose them and fight the big bad Demon Lord at the end. So...sound fun? Wanna do that one?"
When I told my players they were uncomfortable at first. Then I explained...it's called an Adventure Path for a reason. I told them they had to basically "go along" with the story, at least try and stay around the edges. They thought about it, and agreed. When the blunt-force-story-hook-trauma to the head smacks you, don't fight it. Just go with it (e.g., Mystery Men scene with The Spleen is getting his leg humped by a skunk, and Invisible Boy says..."Don't worry. Just go with it."). When making characters, tell them to make guys they think would be good, knowing the basics of the AP...ships, water, wilderness survival, human/pirate fighting, demon hunting.
This took a HUGE load off my shoulders right away. I didn't have to worry about a player deciding to play a book-worm sage-type city boy mage who can't swim. Or a fighter specializing in heavy armor, sword and shield. Or a dwarven cleric of the god of the mountains who's afraid of water.
So, with AP's, give the players the "synopsis" of the "story". Think of it like a movie trailer. You're going to see a movie, and you know the general premiss and maybe have an idea about what's going to happen, but the trip along the way to the end is what you're paying to see. Think of an AP like that; a series of adventures with a more or less per-determined ending. Taken that way, you're players will thank you, and you'll likely find yourself a LOT less "controlling" because you won't have to be.
^_^
Paul L. Ming
Edit: I just re-read that. Did I just equate AP's with having your leg dry-hummped by a skunk? ... ... That can't be good...
From my experience as a dungeon master: control, flexibility, fairness, and honesty with your friends are the virtues and vices for all dungeon masters. Yet they all require balance to harmoniously work together. If one of these things are lacking or overshadowing, it can turn a pleasant and fun night of role-playing into a less enjoyable experience. It may take some time to adjust but in the long run it will make dming into less of a handful when dming for friends and more of a enjoyable experience with your friends. :)
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So how do I politely ask if someone here is interested in running an AP? Or more importantly, how do I structure my question to leave the possibility open for future AP playthroughs to go off the "canon" established by the previous ones. I keep noticing little things in each AP that only make sense if you've read the previous ones. This is most evident in Shattered Star and Jade Regent, as they're explicitly intended to be sequels, but there's also Ramoska Arkminos, who stars both in Curse of the Crimson Throne AND Carrion Crown, and how Council of Thieves, Serpent's Skull and Skull and Shackles seem to form a kind of pseudo-trilogy showing Cheliax's facade of dominance starting to crack (I keep hoping for an AP in the future that will cover a Second Chelish Civil War in full).
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AP Z-man: Here's what I'd say:
"Hey, anyone here interested in running an AP?"
That's just me though :)
Seriously though, don't overthink it. You're just asking for someone, if they have the time and inclination, to run a game online, not for their kidney.
As for insecurity as I said upthread kid: we've ALL been there. We get how scary this is but you've already passed the first hurdle by starting this thread and sticking with it. Great Job!
Personally, if I ran APs I'd throw an adventure up right now for you to run through, but I only use homebrew stuff. As for canon and story maintenance between APs, I wouldn't worry so much about that either. You can pick up wherever you need to in the plot through techniques like summaries, flashbacks, narration or NPC interaction.