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Hello squishy man-thing.
You has problem?
You has players who has problem?
You has DM who has problem?
Grod here to help.
You ask advice, Grod give advice.
If a ship leaves Westcrown sailing for Sargava on Kuthona 5, how many days does it take until the captain is assasinated by Red Mantis assassins and the ship is boarded by pirates?
Have you ever fed someone's man-parts to goats? If so, why? And if not, again, why?
Well... there's this girl. She's really pretty and I really like her, but she doesn't seem to really think of me as anything more than a friend. What should I do Grod?
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Was Gorum a half-orc or a human? Please, this is urgent. I'm taking my vacation in Urglin and a half-orc wench just asked me and now she's eyeing me up and down and grinning from the opposite corner of the bar! Is this common among your kind? I am worried! Should I be worried?
-Sincerely, Muser ap Riddwan, scholar of Varisian history
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If a ship leaves Westcrown sailing for Sargava on Kuthona 5, how many days does it take until the captain is assasinated by Red Mantis assassins and the ship is boarded by pirates?
If captain hire Grod as bodyguard, he not die, no pirates.
100 gold, Grod guard you long time.
Have you ever fed someone's man-parts to goats? If so, why? And if not, again, why?
Not a lot of goats where Grod from. Grod feed man parts to boars once. One time Grod also throw manparts at bear as distraction. Why? Why not?
Well... there's this girl. She's really pretty and I really like her, but she doesn't seem to really think of me as anything more than a friend. What should I do Grod?
Girl-things like confident warrior. Not every man can be pretty like Grod, this Grod knows, but girl-things like man who take charge and know what man want.
Was Gorum a half-orc or a human? Please, this is urgent. I'm taking my vacation in Urglin and a half-orc wench just asked me and now she's eyeing me up and down and grinning from the opposite corner of the bar! Is this common among your kind? I am worried! Should I be worried?
-Sincerely, Muser ap Riddwan, scholar of Varisian history
Gorum rise from metal bits in war between Orcs and man-things. Orc-bits is spikier, man-bits is more protecty. Grod think this make Gorum half-orc... but more Orc than man-thing. Maybe quarter man-thing, two-halfs Orc.
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Does this mean that almost hitting with an axe is the same as hitting with an axe?
Grod, show me your best barbarian builds, running through at least 17th level.
Does this mean that almost hitting with an axe is the same as hitting with an axe?
Sometimes when Grod almost hit with axe, Grod hit something else and that falls on top of Grod's foe.
So maybe sometimes.
What should I blow up first?
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Grod, show me your best barbarian builds, running through at least 17th level.
Pick all feats that make you axe-ier.
What should I blow up first?
The moon. Then everyone see your work.
Who would win in a fight: Gary Busey vs. Skeletor?
Grod, that answer was more disappointing than D&D 5th edition will be.
What about builds for a goblin alchemist who wants to blow things up? Like the moon?
Who would win in a fight: Gary Busey vs. Skeletor?
Little known fact:
Heman is a story about the far future, where man-things never die.
Skeletor IS Gary Busey.
Grod, that answer was more disappointing than D&D 5th edition will be.
((Without getting into extreme detail, I think a fun and powerful build is to go with the Breaker archetype. This forsakes some mobility of the Barbarian for increased skill in sundering and breaking objects. You then take every feat you can find that is Sunder related as you level.
You eventually find yourself in a position where anything armed with a weapon isn't much of a threat to you, and you can sunder your way through stone walls quite easily.
You also have the ability to use a broken object as though it was not broken, meaning you can smash a BBEG's weapon and then pick it up and use it against him.))
What about builds for a goblin alchemist who wants to blow things up? Like the moon?
Grod know very little about alchemy-ists.
What is greatest in life?
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What is greatest in life?
To crush Grod's enemies, see them driven before Grod, and to hear the lamentations of Brad as he cleans blood out of Brad's fancy clothes.
Many, many lamentations. Thank the gods for prestidigitation.
One more question. Are you and Brad sharing a keyboard?
Heavens no! I'm still on my first. Grod's gone through about twelve.
... Make that thirteen.
barbarian keyboards suffer from a combination of "sunder typing" and drool lock.
Not to mention "improvised weapon syndrome".
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Groasdjkl;h
*replaces keyboard*
Grod speak with gnome about having special word board made of adamananma... really hard metal.
If Grod were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?
If someone gets too mouthy, is it better to rip out their tongue or poor molten lead down their throat?
Have you ever ripped someone's arm out if his socket and then used it as a club to beat him to death? How did that make you feel?
Dear Grod,
Recently I have come into a problem where I hate Summoners of the Master type. I know its wrong to hate as a GM, but I want to hit him with a chair. What is your advice?
Sincerely,
Awesome in Cleveland
What about Master Summoner does you not like?
Sometimes Grod see summoner make combat very slow and not smashy.
Is that problem?
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Dear Grod,
Recently I have come into a problem where I hate Summoners of the Master type. I know its wrong to hate as a GM, but I want to hit him with a chair. What is your advice?
Sincerely,
Awesome in Cleveland
What about Master Summoner does you not like?
Sometimes Grod see summoner make combat very slow and not smashy.
Is that problem?
Its a combination of that and the annoyance that comes with having 10-15 things between my guys and the guys I want to smash.
Dear Grod,
Recently I have come into a problem where I hate Summoners of the Master type. I know its wrong to hate as a GM, but I want to hit him with a chair. What is your advice?
Sincerely,
Awesome in Cleveland
Us too, our regular summoner ended up having an eidolon that was far more effective in combat than the rest of us and his high DC spells were encounter ending in more than a few fights. It has been banned as a playable class since.
How does Grod feel about ice cream?
If Grod were a tree, what kind of tree would he be?
Axe tree
If someone gets too mouthy, is it better to rip out their tongue or poor molten lead down their throat?
Cut out tongue with hot knife. Best of both worlds.
Have you ever ripped someone's arm out if his socket and then used it as a club to beat him to death? How did that make you feel?
Once you rip of man-thing's arm, they tend to fall over. So Grod use arm to beat other man-thing to death.
Grod find man-thing arm not very good weapon, take thirty or forty hits to make sure man-thing is proper dead.
Proper dead is when man-thing's head is not on neck.
How does Grod feel about ice cream?
Not enough meat.
Except for bacon ice cream.
Good amount of meat in that.
Grod has wizard friend that say dispel magic word on summoned creatures.
Greater dispel work in 20 foot burst.
PALADIN AM STUMPED ON IMPROVING PALADIN/ORC RELATIONS. AM AGREEING ON SMITING, AND AGREEING ON DISAGREEING ABOUT WHAT TO SMITE WITH. (PALADIN AM GREATSWORD, ORC AM GREATAXE. BOTH AM GREAT.) PALADIN AND ORC NOT AGREEING ON WHAT TO SMITE. WHAT GROD THINK?
Grod think at level of fundament that Paladin and Grod see eye to eye.
Sometimes smite things with both weapons better than smite things with one weapon.
Grod and Paladin just need common enemy to smite.
Does Brad count as "a common enemy" if no others are available?
Does Brad count as "a common enemy" if no others are available?
H-hey!!
You wouldn't do that to me, would ya big guy?
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Despite being man-thing, Brad is very useful for Grod.
Sometimes Grod cannot fix problem with axe.
Yes, this rare happening.
When Grod cannot fix with axe, Brad fix with talk.
When Brad fail at talk, Brad encourage Grod to axe things better.
Brad also good distraction.
If you break an axe, can Brad fix it with talk?
... yes, actually. Sometimes. *casts mending/make whole on broken axe*
Grod has Breaker Archetype.
Grod use broken axe better than he use fixed axe.
What does Grod do if his axe doesn't work. You can't ax a ghost anything. And it must get boring to watch Brad ask the ghost anything
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One time ghost mock Grod.
Ghost say "Grod can't hit ghost! HAHAHAHA!"
Grod hold breath until he die.
Grod become ghost.
Grod strangle other ghost to more death.
Gods try to make Grod go to afterlife.
Grod ask gods if they sure they want Grod.
Gods let Grod go back in body.
Cheapest resurrection ever.
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I picture Grod's time in the afterlife much like the comic book where Lobo dies and goes to heaven and hell.
The reason why Lobo can't die is because God and Satan banned him from the afterlife after he destroyed the place.
Where would one find the actual AM Barbarian build, Grod?
I have searched but search results turn up thousands of mentions of AM Barbarian, and some with a synopsis, but I have yet to find the build. So I ask you, oh wise one, where I might find this build?
Who would win in a fight: Grod, or AM Barbarian?