The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.


Gamer Life General Discussion

3,751 to 3,800 of 19,058 << first < prev | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | next > last >>
Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
Is that a thing? Do women talk with their hands more than men?

It is, in fact, a thing. There are a lot of subtleties of language if you sit down and watch/listen with an eye/ear for differences. Women tend to look you in the eye more. They talk with hands. The tonal shift through a sentence is much more expressive. The sibilant S that a lot of women speak with can help as long as it isn't too pronounced and it doesn't become a lisp(seriously, don't do that). Even just the way you stand. I had a list of six things that I noticed and worked on throughout my pretransition. Everything was so subtle that over the 7 or 8 months that I was actively working on it, noone around me really suspected anything BUT i was regularly getting properly pronouned by strangers on the phone. It was an interesting time. Obviously, phone conversations are less dependent on body language.

Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
I wonder if this affects sign language. Do women have a different 'accent' than men when using sign language?

I would assume that it would have to to some extent. Women tend to flow into their body movement while men tend to be very pointed. Men don't often lift their arms up and mostly move their hands with their elbows while women tend to use their shoulders more. But the only people I've spent significant time with that knew ASL were women so it's hard for me to guess. That might make for an interesting google search. =)


Is it easier to change your locale as well? How important to a sucessful transition is that?

Sovereign Court Contributor

It seems to me that some aspects of what Lissa is describing are specifically American gender markers. Or not? I am more Mediterranean than the rest of my (mixed but culturally WASP) family in my body language, yet am a straight guy. Not that it really matters whether carriage is a cultural or inherent thing - gender is highly constructed and trans* people identify with the American variety of their gender.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

Kryzbyn wrote:
Is it easier to change your locale as well? How important to a sucessful transition is that?

As in, move away?

Forty years ago, the only way the medical community would allow you to transition is if you made a complete break from your old life and went deep stealth, hiding everything about your past and never acknowledging who you were and what you've done, even to the point of cutting yourself off from family. Needless to say, this approach was sick and deeply rooted in patriarchal notions that being trans is shameful, and I'm glad the practice has been abandoned. These days, I don't think moving is necessary unless your physical safety is threatened or your community is bigoted and transphobic enough to make day-to-day life depressing and stressful.

I moved across the country, but that was years after my transition. But I know plenty of trans people who stay in the same community, keep the same friends, and work at the same office after transition.


Yeah, as in move away.

Ahh. Yeah it would be better to remain where you are, I'd think psychologically, as long as it was in a non-hostile environment.


I just wanted to share this. I ran across this beautiful journal entry on the subject of being trans.

Y'all are beautiful people. :D

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Jeff Erwin wrote:
It seems to me that some aspects of what Lissa is describing are specifically American gender markers. Or not? I am more Mediterranean than the rest of my (mixed but culturally WASP) family in my body language, yet am a straight guy. Not that it really matters whether carriage is a cultural or inherent thing - gender is highly constructed and trans* people identify with the American variety of their gender.

I'm sure there are lot of differences in body language in different countries. Like I said, these are my experiences and observation so definitely in the US. The most obvious example of that difference that I can think of is the amount of comfortable space people need in different countries to have a conversation. I'm sure transgendered men and women have different obstacles on anything that sociological when they live in a different country. =)

Silver Crusade

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Jeff Erwin wrote:
It seems to me that some aspects of what Lissa is describing are specifically American gender markers. Or not? I am more Mediterranean than the rest of my (mixed but culturally WASP) family in my body language, yet am a straight guy. Not that it really matters whether carriage is a cultural or inherent thing - gender is highly constructed and trans* people identify with the American variety of their gender.
I'm sure there are lot of differences in body language in different countries. Like I said, these are my experiences and observation so definitely in the US. The most obvious example of that difference that I can think of is the amount of comfortable space people need in different countries to have a conversation. I'm sure transgendered men and women have different obstacles on anything that sociological when they live in a different country. =)

This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Kryzbyn wrote:
Is it easier to change your locale as well? How important to a sucessful transition is that?

Some people do, some people don't and the definition of easy here is somewhat difficult to translate. Some people lose everything: parents, friends, loved ones, wives/husbands, children. Those people have an easier time making a clean cut. Some people have bad associations with their former life that make it easier. Sometimes people take their biases and assumptions in with them through transition and make a clean cut to avoid as much embarassment as they think they can. I knew a woman once who went from 0-female in about 6 months with very little experience or counseling. She had her surgery basically in seclusion and quit her job as a high paid civil engineer and became a nurse because she saw that as a more acceptable job for a woman. After a few months, I don't think I ever saw her not drunk and depressed. =( People who cut off all ties and move away and try to forget their past are generally referred to as being deep stealth. It has it's dangers and the draw back of likely having to lie or avoid a lot of questions but, at least in every day life, it can make things easier.

Still others find safety within the bounds of their friends and family. Me being transgender was alarming but in the grand scheme of things, a better turn out than most of my family. After I told my mother, I went at my friends like a chess game and in the short term, I didn't lose anyone. My best friend from high school eventually... well we don't speak anymore. It makes me sad. It's like having a brother not want to talk to you anymore. He was kind of macho guy and eventually joined the army. But other friends from that period are still awesome and one of my best D&D buddies and I have stayed fairly good friends and still talk to each other like family. =) It was good for me, but when you do that way you tend to be a lot more open about your past and it does mean people treat you differently to those that don't know you or don't know your past. Just the way it goes really. So there is a tradeoff.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.

It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.


Judy Bauer wrote:
And while we're on the combined subject of queerness, gender, and ASL, I totally recommend this ASL cover Somebody I Used to Know, respun as a conversation between lesbian exs in SF.

That was great. Thank you.

Silver Crusade

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.

It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Drejk wrote:
Jessica Price wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Jessica Price wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Kajehase wrote:
Blame the Norwegians.
I thought those were from Norway?
A lot of them moved to Wisconsin in the mid to late 19th century.
Actually, we're mostly German, Irish and Polish. The Norse are mostly in Minnesota.

Ah, the Royal We, how I have missed thee.

:3

Though I am prone to speaking of myself in the collective, that "we" was actually intended to refer to Wisconsinites in general.

Wisconsinites or Wisconsinians?

Interesting... My Chrome marked Wisconsinians as erroneous but not Wisconsinites.

Most definitely Wisconsinites.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3

She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.

The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.

I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.

Silver Crusade

Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.

Wait, so are you saying you don't have adorable little tusks that can easily tear through a person's neck?

Silver Crusade

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.

And not as intimidating pretty please.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.

I think you mean "She could be base off a more immature, scrawnier, less-attractive me"

Also, you don't have the tattoos

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
Wait, so are you saying you don't have adorable little tusks that can easily tear through a person's neck?

I don't have the tusks OR the pointy ears, but I am otherwise eerily similar to Imrijka in appearance

Sovereign Court Contributor

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.

Wow, it's one of my favorite pieces of PF art. You must be a stunner.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Jeff Erwin wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.
Wow, it's one of my favorite pieces of PF art. You must be a stunner.

She is impossibly gorgeous.


Lissa Guillet wrote:
Being 40+ comes with signficant baggage but it also usually comes with being somewhat free of some family obligations. Kids are going to college, etc. Hormones still have effects at this age but are not nearly as significant as pre-25. Testosterone is extremely strong and 30 years of pumping it through your body will leave you with very little that can be done. A lot of bone growth is well and truly halted. Fat distribution is still possible and likely at that age and can still greatly affect your facial features. Physically by this point, it's much more difficult.

And there are those who realize later in life, or accept later in life that they're trans, but find themselves unable to transition due to relationship or family obligations (or location or finances or etc.). That can be a difficult road to travel if you don't have some sort of support and understanding.

As someone transitioning at 40+, there's definitely baggage connected to age. I'm single, so I don't have any relationship obligations, or potential difficulties (or potential boons, depending on the relationship), but there's always that question of "What if I started at 30" or "What if I started at 25 or 21" that hangs out there. You have to learn to manage that, manage your expectations, and be patient with the process (after nearly a year on HRT, I'm still not up to what will be my full dose of estrogen - we step it up bit by bit). Patience and managed expectations are I think necessary for anyone going through the process. But it can be difficult sometimes for me to see people who transitioned younger, even though I'm very happy for anyone who does.

There's also the fact that I'm transitioning into the role of a woman in early middle age (or approaching middle age, depending on where you figure that starts). There's always an awareness of all of the time and experiences I've missed. Again, I think you have to learn to manage these things, otherwise depression and despair rear their ugly heads.

I think younger transitioners have to deal with aspects of this as well, but it feels like it gets amplified as you get older. On the other hand, for me, transitioning now sure beats the alternative of not transitioning at all.

Silver Crusade

Crystal Frasier wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
Wait, so are you saying you don't have adorable little tusks that can easily tear through a person's neck?
I don't have the tusks OR the pointy ears, but I am otherwise eerily similar to Imrijka in appearance

Badass dresser?

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
Wait, so are you saying you don't have adorable little tusks that can easily tear through a person's neck?
I don't have the tusks OR the pointy ears, but I am otherwise eerily similar to Imrijka in appearance
Badass dresser?

Badass dresser, nice boobs, sunken eyes, noticeably stronger than Valeros...

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Nice. :3

I don't know who is luckier.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

3 people marked this as a favorite.
KSF wrote:


And there are those who realize later in life, or accept later in life that they're trans, but find themselves unable to transition due to relationship or family obligations (or location or finances or etc.). That can be a difficult road to travel if you don't have some sort of support and understanding.

As someone transitioning at 40+, there's definitely baggage connected to age. I'm single, so I don't have any relationship obligations, or potential difficulties (or potential boons, depending on the relationship), but there's always that question of "What if I started at 30" or "What if I started at 25 or 21" that hangs out there. You have to learn to manage that, manage your expectations, and be patient with the process (after nearly a year on HRT, I'm still not up to what will be my full dose of estrogen - we step it up bit by bit). Patience and managed expectations are I think necessary for anyone going through the process. But it can be difficult sometimes for me to see people who transitioned younger, even though I'm very happy for anyone who does.

There's also the fact that I'm transitioning into the role of a woman in early middle age (or approaching middle age, depending on where you figure that starts). There's always an awareness of all of the time and experiences I've missed. Again, I think you have to learn to manage these things, otherwise depression and despair rear their ugly heads.

I think...

Regretting the time lost and experiences missed is universal. We all feel it and get depressed, no matter when you begin transition. But there's no singular experience of womanhood. Every woman has or misses experiences that set her apart from what is supposedly the "normal" female experience.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

KSF wrote:

And there are those who realize later in life, or accept later in life that they're trans, but find themselves unable to transition due to relationship or family obligations (or location or finances or etc.). That can be a difficult road to travel if you don't have some sort of support and understanding.

As someone transitioning at 40+, there's definitely baggage connected to age. I'm single, so I don't have any relationship obligations, or potential difficulties (or potential boons, depending on the relationship), but there's always that question of "What if I started at 30" or "What if I started at 25 or 21" that hangs out there. You have to learn to manage that, manage your expectations, and be patient with the process (after nearly a year on HRT, I'm still not up to what will be my full dose of estrogen - we step it up bit by bit). Patience and managed expectations are I think necessary for anyone going through the process. But it can be difficult sometimes for me to see people who transitioned younger, even though I'm very happy for anyone who does.

There's also the fact that I'm transitioning into the role of a woman in early middle age (or approaching middle age, depending on where you figure that starts). There's always an awareness of all of the time and experiences I've missed. Again, I think you have to learn to manage these things, otherwise depression and despair rear their ugly heads.

I think...

Doing it late in life is very difficult. I've had good friends along each of the paths and by 40 the transition is both sociologically difficult as well and physically traumatic. It's always been worth it to them and most of them were sufficiently endowed that they could throw money at many of their problems, but yeah they get plagued down with "why didn't I do something about this earlier" a lot more than I did. Even at 25 I had that. I was fully aware of what I was when I was 12 or 13. I hid it well and had a small breakdown when I turned 19(I got an offer to live and transition in Canada and almost ran away to live with complete strangers. So. Stupid.) that ended in me biding my time until I could get money to do what I needed to do which turned into about 6 years. Regret that I was too scared or cowed or whatever for those 10 years still haunts me.

Also, not everyone is cognitive of that lost experience or willing to believe that it would have sufficiently changed their views. Major kudos for that. Honestly, I think that's one of the hardest parts of transitioning at an older age.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

Removed some posts. Please do not sexually harass the staff.

Silver Crusade

My apologies.

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

The thing that has helped my voice the most I think, is working in a call center. When I started I started keeping a tab of every time I got "Ma'am'ed" and every time I got "Sir'ed" By the end of two months it was about 85-90% ma'ams.


Apologies....


Crystal Frasier wrote:
Regretting the time lost and experiences missed is universal. We all feel it and get depressed, no matter when you begin transition. But there's no singular experience of womanhood. Every woman has or misses experiences that set her apart from what is supposedly the "normal" female experience.

Oh yeah, totally agree with that.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Doing it late in life is very difficult. I've had good friends along each of the paths and by 40 the transition is both sociologically difficult as well and physically traumatic. It's always been worth it to them and most of them were sufficiently endowed that they could throw money at many of their problems, but yeah they get plagued down with "why didn't I do something about this earlier" a lot more than I did. Even at 25 I had that. I was fully aware of what I was when I was 12 or 13. I hid it well and had a small breakdown when I turned 19(I got an offer to live and transition in Canada and almost ran away to live with complete strangers. So. Stupid.) that ended in me biding my time until I could get money to do what I needed to do which turned into about 6 years. Regret that I was too scared or cowed or whatever for those 10 years still haunts me.

Yeah, those what if's are difficult. I didn't mean to imply that no one else had them, sorry if that's the way that came across. Just that the specifics shift and accumulate. (Or maybe they don't, I don't know.) (Edit: That's as much in reply to Crystal's post as it is to this one.)

I think the thing that's helped make it more manageable for me is that I'm surrounded by supportive people who treat me properly, treat me kindly, and treat me as myself. If I had transitioned sooner, would I have been able to find such a good environment and set of friends and co-workers for it? I don't know. Maybe, but maybe not. Being grateful for what I do have helps stave off the what if's a bit. As does having a good, deeply satisfying job that occupies much of my time. (Now if only it paid more.)

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Also, not everyone is cognitive of that lost experience or willing to believe that it would have sufficiently changed their views. Major kudos for that. Honestly, I think that's one of the hardest parts of transitioning at an older age.

Thanks.

I think doing a lot of reading and thinking on the subject (particularly Juila Serano and Helen Boyd) while I was closeted and trying to work up the nerve helped out, as well as trying to pay attention to the experiences of the women I've known, particularly women in their 30s and 40s, and listening to them when they've talked about those experiences. Approaching transition as a student rather than as a presumed master, as it were. Not that I always succeed in that, but that's what I try to hew to.


Bradley Cooper is a younger, thinner, taller, more hair on his head, stronger chin, brighter eyes, squarer shouldered, nicer smile, version of me!

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

1 person marked this as a favorite.
KSF wrote:
I think doing a lot of reading and thinking on the subject (particularly Juila Serano and Helen Boyd) while I was closeted and trying to work up the nerve helped out, as well as trying to pay attention to the experiences of the women I've known, particularly women in their 30s and 40s, and listening to them when they've talked about those experiences. Approaching transition as a student rather than as a presumed master, as it were. Not that I always succeed in that, but that's what I try to hew to.

Yeah, I'm extremely over analytical on just about everything and I approached my transition as a student and later, as I did more and more work in the GLBT sector, as both a student and an ambassador. Which means I have a tendency to think about how others view as a possible person to look up to and what that means in my arena of expertise which is both liberating and constricting.

I have to say, having an open and supportive work group was something I only partially had and I'm a bit envious(Note: I have it now). ^_^ Having supportive people willing to teach without condescension, I think, is the key to a good transition.

Contributor

Icyshadow wrote:
After looking back at all my story ideas and seeing just how many main characters I try to write up are female (especially when I seem to take a lot more time on developing them than I am on my male characters),

I know exactly how that feels.

When I'm writing I have to consciously remind myself to be aware of this, and make sure that I have an even mix of characters by gender, otherwise I've also found myself with a tendency to predominantly populate stories or campaign locations with female characters, especially those that I spend more time developing personality and background for.

This isn't really a problem when I'm writing material for publication, because my head space tends to be a little different if I'm writing for someone else, working from their outline, tailoring something to fit their ideals, their setting, etc. But when it's for something for a home Pathfinder campaign or fiction I'm doing for myself, it can be something that I need to watch. In the past year for instance I wrote up a location, wrote a bunch of characters, planned their backgrounds, motivations, etc and then stepped back, looked it at all, and realized that every single one of them was female.

At least for me, I think that I can look back on earlier writing of mine and see that yes, I tended to focus more on developing those female characters that I connected with, and the male/female ratio of PCs I played in campaigns tended to be rather skewed towards the female end as well. I don't know if this sort of self-insertion is common among trans gamers or writers, but it was there for me.

Of course I've also been trying to make a deliberate effort to create more male characters just to be a better, well rounded writer in the future. Unconscious tendencies being what they are, it's important for me as a writer to not have handicaps when it comes to writing a specific character type.

Silver Crusade

Jeff Erwin wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Crystal Frasier wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Lissa Guillet wrote:
Rysky wrote:
This is interesting since I'm a male US resident but I use gestures constantly while I'm talking and tend to be unnerved with making direct eye contact with people. Maybe it has to do with the fact I slur my words. Hmmm.
It's a tendency and not a rule. ^_^ Categorizing all women as being one way would be deeply wrong but these are things that helped me.
It really doesn't help matters that your profile pic is staring me down :3
She is a little intimidating. I think that's why I like her. ^_^ That and all of the the sun iconography.
The creepiest part is that is exactly what Lissa looks like IRL. I have never seen anyone look so much like their avatar on these boards. it's uncanny.
I am... rounder in many ways and my chin is a little broader but the lips and hair are right. She could be base off a younger thinner me.
Wow, it's one of my favorite pieces of PF art. You must be a stunner.

I think Jessica Price's picture is beautiful. I like to think of her looking like that. Green hair optional. : )

Silver Crusade

Lissa Guillet wrote:
Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
Is that a thing? Do women talk with their hands more than men?

It is, in fact, a thing. There are a lot of subtleties of language if you sit down and watch/listen with an eye/ear for differences. Women tend to look you in the eye more. They talk with hands. The tonal shift through a sentence is much more expressive. The sibilant S that a lot of women speak with can help as long as it isn't too pronounced and it doesn't become a lisp(seriously, don't do that). Even just the way you stand. I had a list of six things that I noticed and worked on throughout my pretransition. Everything was so subtle that over the 7 or 8 months that I was actively working on it, noone around me really suspected anything BUT i was regularly getting properly pronouned by strangers on the phone. It was an interesting time. Obviously, phone conversations are less dependent on body language.

Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
I wonder if this affects sign language. Do women have a different 'accent' than men when using sign language?
I would assume that it would have to to some extent. Women tend to flow into their body movement while men tend to be very pointed. Men don't often lift their arms up and mostly move their hands with their elbows while women tend to use their shoulders more. But the only people I've spent significant time with that knew ASL were women so it's hard for me to guess. That might make for an interesting google search. =)

Fascinating. I always like to learn more.

I'm interested in body language, and can tell (fairly reliably) if a person is male or female by the way they walk or stand. Also if they are, or used to be, fat.

I've been told that I make more eye contact than most people, but (straight) men don't tend to gaze into each others' eyes (it's seen as a threat), so that might be why I didn't know that women make more eye contact than men.

If you're transitioning, I suppose you need to know these things.

I read a book a few years ago (can't remember the name) written by a lesbian who spent a year pretending to be male as an experiment to gain a greater understanding of the male psyche. Reading her insights actually gave me a greater insight into the female psyche. : )

She said that when a man stares at you he either wants to fight you or f*@$ you. When she first started passing as a man she found it disconcerting that men seemed to be ignoring her.

Project Manager

Self-Made Man, I believe, is the book you're referring to.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Todd Stewart wrote:
In the past year for instance I wrote up a location, wrote a bunch of characters, planned their backgrounds, motivations, etc and then stepped back, looked it at all, and realized that every single one of them was female.

Given the highly annoying over-representation of males in fantasy literature and art, at least in active and heroic roles, I would actually not have any damn problem with the over-representation of females as well developed characters and males as mostly eye candy and background. While it's not ideal storytelling all the time, some of this would be a welcome antidote to the annoyance of all the heroes and interesting characters always by default being male.

Quote:
At least for me, I think that I can look back on earlier writing of mine and see that yes, I tended to focus more on developing those female characters that I connected with, and the male/female ratio of PCs I played in campaigns tended to be rather skewed towards the female end as well. I don't know if this sort of self-insertion is common among trans gamers or writers, but it was there for me.

I almost always *play* male characters if I am thinking of them as a self-representation to any extent, but as a writer it is easy for me to slip into any viewpoint - male, female, other gendered, alien, animal, etc. Actually it's much a more fun and interesting writer's challenge for me to get into a completely alien head and live in that skin as vividly as the story calls for. Gender is only one aspect of that. My written characters are very much not me, and as a writer I generally do not feel drawn to do any self-insertion at all.

Actually, even my PC's tend to be very not-me, very much their own personalities, sometimes evolving places I wouldn't have personally wanted to go and making decisions in character that I would definitely not choose if it were me. Yes, I could overwrite and override them, but I generally don't, since the storyline and character development are largely the point of RPG's for me. I'm okay letting them 'come to life' and be the interesting characters they are.

@Malachi - I once took a day-long drag king workshop and discovered that I didn't actually need the 'walk like a man' part of it, as that was already how I moved without thinking. As I make no effort at all to pass as male in my day to day life, I imagine it probably causes some mixed signals and subtle confusion. Much to my advantage actually, since I move with 'aggressive, dominant predator' body language and a direct "do not mess around with me" stare even when I am being courteous. Generally people just don't, which suits me very well. I'm not sure they always very clearly know why they don't want to mess with me, but that is generally the outcome.

Silver Crusade

Found this awesome story from a few years back of a lady and her friend getting her license updated to show her correct gender.

Silver Crusade

Jessica Price wrote:
Self-Made Man, I believe, is the book you're referring to.

Yeah, I just looked up that title on Wikipedia and that's the one!

Have you read it? What did you think?

Silver Crusade

I recently went through the last 23 characters that I've actually played in all systems. I guessed that it would be about 50:50. The answer was 12 male and 11 female.

I don't consciously try to make it even. I visualise characters as I make them; they evolve in the creation process in terms of both game mechanics and personality. At some point, it becomes clear to me that the character itself is male, or female.

Liberty's Edge Digital Products Assistant

Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
Jessica Price wrote:
Self-Made Man, I believe, is the book you're referring to.

Yeah, I just looked up that title on Wikipedia and that's the one!

Have you read it? What did you think?

Good book, and it rang true with a lot of my experiences. Especially the end where she has to stop the experiment because she's having panic attacks and a nervous breakdown from trying to impersonate a man all the time.

Silver Crusade Assistant Software Developer

Crystal Frasier wrote:
Malachi Silverclaw wrote:
Jessica Price wrote:
Self-Made Man, I believe, is the book you're referring to.

Yeah, I just looked up that title on Wikipedia and that's the one!

Have you read it? What did you think?

Good book, and it rang true with a lot of my experiences. Especially the end where she has to stop the experiment because she's having panic attacks and a nervous breakdown from trying to impersonate a man all the time.

Yeeeeaaaah.


Wow.
Gender is stressful and difficult.

3,751 to 3,800 of 19,058 << first < prev | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Gamer Life / General Discussion / The LGBT Gamer Community Thread. All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.