Deep 6 FaWtL

[gran rey de los nekkid]

A woman went to a psychiatrist and said "I think my husband has gone crazy. Every morning, after he drinks his coffee, he eats the mug! All he leaves behind is the handle!" The psychiatrist said "That is crazy. Everyone knows the handle is the best part."

Edit: I'm not sure who's supposed to be nekkid in this one, but someone surely is.

[gran rey de los mono]

I went to the doctor for a check-up and he asked me "Do you do sports or other athletic activities?" Desiring clarification, I inquired "Does sex count as an athletic activity?" The doctor said "Yes." So I said "In that case, no."

[Vidmaster7]

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

[gran rey de los mono]

Man 1: "Well, you know what they say. In life when one door closes, another one opens."

Man 2: "I don't care what they say. I'm still not buying this car."

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

My dog used to constantly chase people on bicycles. I thought it was hilarious, but apparently not everyone else did. Eventually the police received so many complaints that they came and took away his bike.

Aww the poor puppers bike.

[gran rey de los everything]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Then I guess you better start swimming.

[NobodysHome]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Reading Vidmaster's quotes out of context is really delightful, like the old Monty Python sketch with the phrase book.

"Mystery solved!"
"I cannot afford a plane ticket to Spain."
"My hovercraft is full of eels."

Yeah, I know he posted other stuff, but reading random things is how FAWTL roll.

[Vidmaster7]

I once saw that movie about the couple going scuba diving and getting left in the ocean.. horrible horrible movie complete waste of time and I felt like I was watching a high budget snuff film, but my point is no.

[gran rey de los mono]

The other day my wife and I were out shopping and saw a young couple who were clearly deeply in love. My wife said to me "Look at that. See how he holds her hand. How he keeps kissing her. How he can't bear to look away from her. Why can't you be like that?" I said "Well, of course I'm not like that. I've never even met the girl!"

[Vidmaster7]

NobodysHome wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Reading Vidmaster's quotes out of context is really delightful, like the old Monty Python sketch with the phrase book.

"Mystery solved!"
"I cannot afford a plane ticket to Spain."
"My hovercraft is full of eels."

Yeah, I know he posted other stuff, but reading random things is how FAWTL roll.

It won't let me like it more then once!

[gran rey de los mono]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I once saw that movie about the couple going scuba diving and getting left in the ocean.. horrible horrible movie complete waste of time and I felt like I was watching a high budget snuff film, but my point is no.

That's easy to fix. Don't take a SCUBA tank.

[gran rey de los mono]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Reading Vidmaster's quotes out of context is really delightful, like the old Monty Python sketch with the phrase book.

"Mystery solved!"
"I cannot afford a plane ticket to Spain."
"My hovercraft is full of eels."

Yeah, I know he posted other stuff, but reading random things is how FAWTL roll.

It won't let me like it more then once!

Create accounts for Vidmaster8 through 17, and keep clicking.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

The other day my wife and I were out shopping and saw a young couple who were clearly deeply in love. My wife said to me "Look at that. See how he holds her hand. How he keeps kissing her. How he can't bear to look away from her. Why can't you be like that?" I said "Well, of course I'm not like that. I've never even met the girl!"

See he actually does get married and promptly divorced as much as you would think.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Reading Vidmaster's quotes out of context is really delightful, like the old Monty Python sketch with the phrase book.

"Mystery solved!"
"I cannot afford a plane ticket to Spain."
"My hovercraft is full of eels."

Yeah, I know he posted other stuff, but reading random things is how FAWTL roll.

It won't let me like it more then once!

Create accounts for Vidmaster8 through 17, and keep clicking.

That is brilliant but to much work.

[gran rey de los mono]

The other day I was at work at two large ladies walked in. They both had an unusual accent. I said to them "I like your accents. Are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them angrily replied "It's Wales, you idiot!" So I said "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's all I remember until I woke up on the floor in a pool of my own blood.

[gran rey de los mono]

I forgot to go to the gym today. Wow. That makes seven years in a row.

[Drejk]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Huh. I probably could. I would starve to death afterwards, and not paid my bills, but I think I could. At least until I go pay bills.

[gran rey de los mono]

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me she was pregnant with my baby. My telephone number has changed, my address has changed, my name has changed, my appearance has changed...

[Vidmaster7]

See when I said afford it had the not starve to death caveat built in.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I forgot to go to the gym today. Wow. That makes seven years in a row.

I think you've used that one before, but what should I expect of mister no gym for seven years...

[gran rey de los mono]

There was a report on the news about a bug going around town. They said that 9 out of 10 people who caught it suffered from diarrhea. I can't help but wonder about the 10% who apparently enjoyed the diarrhea.

[gran rey de los mono]

I went to the movies today, but they threw me out because I brought my own food. Can you blame me? They charge an arm and a leg for popcorn, and I was really in the mood for those BBQ ribs.

[Vidmaster7]

mmmm ribs. now I have to go to a good BBQ place soon.

[gran rey de los mono]

A man called me today and tried to sell me life insurance. I told him that I refuse to buy life insurance, and that I have a really good reason. When he asked me what the reason was, I said "This way my wife and kids will be genuinely sad when I die."

[Vidmaster7]

man who knew there was so many bad dad jokes out there?

[gran rey de los mono]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I forgot to go to the gym today. Wow. That makes seven years in a row.

I think you've used that one before, but what should I expect of mister no gym for seven years...

I expect I've used several of these before. I know, it should be easy to keep track of which ones I've used. It's not like I've posted that many jokes here.

[Vidmaster7]

only about half of the 3000+ pages I would imagine.

[gran rey de los mono]

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The love of your life.
LIAR! Chocolate can't speak!

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?
The love of your life.
LIAR! Chocolate can't speak!

WHAT chocolate is knocking on your door now? WTF chocolate I thought we agreed on going steady!!!

[gran rey de los mono]

I was at a club the other day. I went up to a woman and asked "Do you want to dance?" She smiled and said "Yes. I love to dance." So I said "Great! You go dance, and I'll talk to your much more attractive friend here."

[gran rey de los mono]

Today I found my first gray pubic hair. I was excited. The other people in the elevator were less excited, however.

[gran rey de los mono]

It's true that money cannot buy happiness. However, crying is much more comfortable in a new BMW than on a beat up old bicycle.

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I was at a club the other day. I went up to a woman and asked "Do you want to dance?" She smiled and said "Yes. I love to dance." So I said "Great! You go dance, and I'll talk to your much more attractive friend here."

And that folks is how you get both maced and stabbed in a club. also clubbed...

[Vidmaster7]

gran rey de los mono wrote:

It's true that money cannot buy happiness. However, crying is much more comfortable in a new BMW than on a beat up old bicycle.

true fact: money and happiness do correlate until you get above the poverty line. turns out going hungry not having medical treatment when its needed and struggling to live week to week does not a happy person make.

[Vidmaster7]

Just so you know gran I do ever so enjoy offering commentary on your nightly "stand up"

[gran rey de los mono]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

Just so you know gran I do ever so enjoy offering commentary on your nightly "stand up"

You expect me to stand up while I'm posting this s$%&?

[gran rey de los mono]

Drejk wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Huh. I probably could. I would starve to death afterwards, and not paid my bills, but I think I could. At least until I go pay bills.

Kileanna might feed you while you are there. Maybe.

[gran rey de los mono]

Hmm. A quick peek on google flights shows that I could fly to Madrid from the airport here in town for about $1800 round trip, with at least one layover. Or, if I get to Chicago (about a 2 hour drive), I can fly non-stop for about $900 round trip. That's a lot more reasonable than I would have expected, but it's still not gonna happen.

[Vidmaster7]

Hmm your probably right she would feed me. It would probably be yummy too.

[Kileanna]

Drejk wrote:

Vidmaster7 wrote:

I can not afford a plane ticket to Spain. (Or anything in the spain area really)

Huh. I probably could. I would starve to death afterwards, and not paid my bills, but I think I could. At least until I go pay bills.

Oh, but you would be welcome to stay here. I could find a use for a red dragon.

Sorry for disappearing for so long, but too few time to do everything!

[Vidmaster7]

At least she still knows when we are talking about her so she shows up for a cameo^^

[gran rey de los mono]

Maybe she's like Bloody Mary. Go look in a mirror and say her name three times. She might show up.

And kill you.

[Vidmaster7]

why don't you test that out for us. if it works just don't post anything from that point on.

[gran rey de los mono]

Sorry, no mirrors around here. Not in the whole hotel. And certainly not over the fireplace 15' from me.

[Vidmaster7]

You have a fire place? nice.

[gran rey de los mono]

Yeah, a little gas one that we use in the winter. It's mainly for ambiance, but can actually produce a surprising amount of heat.

[Vidmaster7]

Doesn't have the same charm as a wood burning one but easier to clean.

[The Game Hamster]

Vidmaster7 wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

It's true that money cannot buy happiness. However, crying is much more comfortable in a new BMW than on a beat up old bicycle.

true fact: money and happiness do correlate until you get above the poverty line. turns out going hungry not having medical treatment when its needed and struggling to live week to week does not a happy person make.

I've lived my entire life well below the poverty line here in the US.

Turns out, poor people in the US have two cars, food every night, and a couple of pets, and sometimes a house of their own, if they budget well.
OR
They can be drug addicts who waste all their money, and then live out on the street starving and high.
Granted, there are those with absolutely nothing, but the government is so generous with the handouts, that living on the streets is mostly (noted not always) reserved for morons here.

[captain yesterday]

Lower back still tight, but s@~# gots to get done today, so.