Now I wonder if the judges missed that connection as well?
I changed my mind several times before finally submitting this item. For the name, I used "ersatz" to imply the synthesized copying of a potion, but I guess the word might also unintentionally evoke the idea of a lesser, imperfect copy more than a maximized version. Upon reflection, I probably should have stuck with just one effect as well. Finally, the pricing was more of an art than a science; I used the potion making rules as a guideline instead of the full magic item creation rules.
I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks in advance.
Ersatz Elixir
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot —; Price 1,000 gp (per ounce); Weight —
Description
A flask of ersatz elixir, when found, holds 9-12 ounces of the stuff (1d4+8). This silvery-white, metallic-looking liquid has two miraculous properties.
First, if poured into the empty container from a magic potion (a standard action), the elixir transforms into a maximized version of that potion. This requires a number of ounces, equal to 1 + the spell level of the source potion.
Second, if a number of ounces equal to spell level are poured into an empty container that has never held a magic potion, the elixir can store a spell (suitable for use as a potion) of up to 4th level--even a spell with a range of personal. This process changes the casting time of the spell to 1 minute (only if it is shorter) and the caster must have the elixir and any material components or focus the spell requires, in hand. Later, when the elixir is consumed, the spell released is empowered.
In both cases, the elixir expands or contracts to fit its container; is treated like a potion for drawing, imbibing, etc.; and the caster level is the minimum required to cast a maximized version (in the first case) or an empowered version (in the second case) of the relevant spell. If not consumed within 24 hours, the elixir returns to its pure form and loses any spell effects it was simulating unless 1 or more ounces of elixir are added (at a rate of 1 ounce per additional 24 hours). Ersatz elixir does not work with magic oils or anything else other than magic potions.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Maximize Spell, amplify elixir, imbue with spell ability; Cost 500 gp (per ounce)
Seekers Eye
Does it have to be the left eye? Now I miss Left Eye from TLC all over again. Do you see what you've done?
"as long as he can see the source of it" might be a little wonky. I understand where you're going here, but that's not something that's usually well-defined in the game.
The Expose Weakness power is kind of a pain for GMs. They'd need to dig into the stat block and figure out where the bonuses were. Or just +2/-2 it without even looking.
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 24,050 gp; Weight 9 lbs.
Description
This is an unremarkable baked clay pot affixed with a cord handle, of the sort used by beekeepers to smoke beehives. When the crock is filled with smoke-producing fuel—such as twine, burlap, pine needles, sumac, or rotten wood—and lit (both are standard actions), it produces a hazy smoke in a 15-foot radius that causes docility in vermin swarms. The smoke reduces visibility by half, resulting in a -4 penalty on Perception checks.
Vermin swarms within the smoke are rendered docile, as though under the effects of calm animals. This effect persists as long as the smoke occupies at least one square of the swarms' space. Any action taken that would end the effects of that spell immediately causes the smoke to disperse, ending the effect. Creatures within the smoke can move through spaces occupied by vermin swarms without ending the effect, so long as they move no faster than their base speed.
Once per day on command, the crock's bearer can direct one of the affected swarms to move toward and attack any creatures outside of the smoke. This effect is similar to dominate animal cast by a 5th-level caster, except the swarm will attack creatures two or more size categories larger than it. After this effect's duration ends, the swarm reverts to its previous behavior.
The crock produces smoke for 5 minutes. After this time, or if the crock is extinguished, it no longer affects the vermin and they behave normally unless it is fueled and lit again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Vermin Heart, calm animals, dominate animal; Cost 12,025 gp
The Not Lost Box
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot —; Price 9,000 gp; Weight 15 pounds
Description
This wooden chest has a nacre moon emblem on the lid and mystical symbols carved into all sides. It is big enough to hold anything 9 inches wide by 10 inches tall by 6 inches deep.
The first person who turns the moon emblem clockwise three times becomes the new owner. The owner can place any objects that will fit into the box. When he closes the lid, the items vanish so they do not appear to any one else and add no weight to the box. Only when the owner opens the lid do the items reappear. For all others, the Not Lost Box works only as a normal box.
Should the Not Lost Box be abandoned, stolen, or lost, it mysteriously reappears 1d100 minutes later within reach of its owner.
The box returns to unowned status upon the death of the owner or if the owner turns the moon emblem three times counter-clockwise. The same person, or a blood relative if the owner is deceased, can retrieve items left inside by becoming the owner again. A Not Lost Box can have many such previous owners, each with their own contents inside.
If the box is destroyed, owners can retrieve their contents if another box is constructed using more than half of the remains of the old one.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Secret Chest; Cost 4,500 gp
Smoking Crock of the Vengeful Beekeeper
It doesn't really seem that magical. Doesn't smoke usually make bee swarms calm? It would seem you wouldn't need Calm Animals for that aspect.
The other part about directing the swarm just seems like a spell-in-a-can effect.
Also, and I know this sounds facetious and was probably not intended on your part at all, but I read the title first as "Smoking Crack of the Vengeful Beekeeper". I asked "Is that a joke?" for a second before I re-read the title. I don't know if other people had the same reaction, but imagine a judge reading thousands of these just might have had the same reaction at first.
Also something about "Vengeful Beekeeper" just sounds comical.
I think this one was left behind as well:
Stygian Seal of Blasphemy
Slot should be "--" rather than "none", I think.
A burning shrine to Asmodeus? I dunno. Other items linked to gods do so in a more general way. With this, I would expect that even (non-Asmodeian) evil characters wouldn't want it. And with that narrow a scope, this seems like a hard sell.
The blasphemous seal bit seems way over the top. No save?
This seems way underpriced. 40' is a pretty wide swath and effectively negates any divine caster in the area, without recourse.
I dunno. It's definitely flavorful and does some interesting stuff. I think it needs to be pulled back a couple of notches and made a bit more general in scope.
OK, another straggler.
Haunt-Clad Shroud
OK, I'm sorry, but I don't get this at all.
A shroud would generally be shoulders slot, I think(?). Maybe not.
So this provides no benefit at all unless the opponent is shaken? Seems more cinematic than practical.
Also seems very expensive. +3 bracers are only 4,500 gp and they work all the time.
Using a 9th level spell as the req is odd. There sure aren't going to be many of these floating around. Lesser planar binding, maybe?
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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Thanks for taking a look at this, Joe. Your criticism is really helpful. I thought about some of the things you brought up, and it's good to see a fresh take on it.
Slot should be "--" rather than "none", I think.
I think I fixed the slot error when I submitted it actually, and forgot to save it; if not, then I agree it's sloppy presentation. At any rate, I didn't catch it when I reposted it here, so I may have missed it last time as well. :)
A burning shrine to Asmodeus? I dunno. Other items linked to gods do so in a more general way. With this, I would expect that even (non-Asmodeian) evil characters wouldn't want it. And with that narrow a scope, this seems like a hard sell.
I'm curious if it's the specificity that hurt it. It's a GM item mostly, and at that very, very specific. It's purposely intended to shut down all divine casters who don't worship Asmodeus (even evil ones). And that may be much too specific for this contest.
The blasphemous seal bit seems way over the top. No save?
This seems way underpriced. 40' is a pretty wide swath and effectively negates any divine caster in the area, without recourse.
You're right. The seal doesn't have a save, and even if you suppress the zone, it still stays in place for four hours. It may be too over the top. You can remove the seal easily but it costs you. You must spend a standard action (which sucks), and you must expose yourself to the poison spell (which also sucks, but at least provides a save). In essence, if there are multiple clerics or paladins this is a potent item. If just one, not so much.
I dunno. It's definitely flavorful and does some interesting stuff. I think it needs to be pulled back a couple of notches and made a bit more general in scope.
I agree that this may be too much. I wasn't sure. I really like the item, but obviously it didn't make top 32. I'm curious to see what the judges say about it.
I wondered if it was a mistake to take away abilities from clerics and paladins. Does it make the encounter a fun challenge, or does it make it not fun for any divine characters?
I wondered if poison was the right spell. Should I use an actual poison affliction instead? Symbol of pain? Blasphemy,since the thing is called a seal of blasphemy (though I don't like save or die effects on a single-use item)?
A flaw I see in retrospect is that I call out how it can be suppressed, but not how it can be turned back on again, nor how long it takes to light the thing. I assumed the reader would know that it could be turned back on by eliminating the source of the suppression (greater darkness, dispel magic, consecrate, putting a bucket over it), but I think in retrospect I should have spelled that out more clearly.
So maybe I pigeon-holed myself too much here. I enjoy this item greatly. It seems balanced to me, but I'm the author and, as such, I may be suffering from tunnel vision.
Thanks much for the criticism. I totally see where you're coming from on those points, and I have to admit, I had some of those concerns myself. But it was the coolest of my items, so I submitted it.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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Nexus of Blessed Mists
I like the name. It sounds cool, and it gives the right connotation.
I really like this item, and I can see it becoming a staple for some churches. It looks like it should already be published. It's just a good, solid item.
I just don't know that this wowed the judges. It's cool and useful, but it's not really treading that new of ground. I wonder if it's too close to SIAC? You combine your channel energy ability with obscuring mist. I think it's well thought-though, and a nice clean, useful item. I'd definitely use this in my game, and it would be a great item to include in a sourcebook.
I think they were looking for something that is more innovative. Of course it's hard to tell because I think a few of the top 32 were no more innovative than this, and you definitely designed everything well, and thought through all potential abuse issues.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
Because you asked for feedback...
I like the idea of this one and for me the name is creepy sounding, but there are a couple of things that rub wrong:
- The permanency aspect might have been a dis-qualifier, especially for 3,800 gp. It might be more fun to see the disguise slowly melt at some random point.
- The cost and price should not be identical.
- How do you apply the clay to change height?
- If the disguise check fails, what does the observer notice?
The blindness, deafness or silence is an evil twist. But why use a magic item when a hot poker can do the same thing?
Searing Vestment of the Dawnflower
I didn't want to skip over this one completely. In truth, Neil covered anything and everything that I would have said about it (imagine that...).
It's a neat item. With a bit of tweaking, it would be really solid.
Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma
Because you asked for feedback...
This item would probably play out great on a movie screen as the big boss's final battle scene, but it's hard to imagine during an RPG session. Here's what bothered me a bit:
- It tries to do too many things; create a swarm, transform the wearer, animate a corpse. The first two stretched the item, the third broke it.
- The judges are very finicky regarding grammar and spelling.
- I can't figure out how to pronounce the name.
- Why an egg?
You get points for imagination though!
Also, and I know this sounds facetious and was probably not intended on your part at all, but I read the title first as "Smoking Crack of the Vengeful Beekeeper". I asked "Is that a joke?" for a second before I re-read the title. I don't know if other people had the same reaction, but imagine a judge reading thousands of these just might have had the same reaction at first.
Heh, you should've seen my first name for it: "The Smoking Pot of the Vengeful Beekeeper." Historically, bee-smokers were called "smoking pots", but had I left it at that, I was worried that it would be thought of as a joke. Well, since either way it's either "pot" or "crack" . . . ha!
In all seriousness, thank you for the feedback. :)
EDIT: Yeah, I'm not crazy about the name, either.
I like the name. It sounds cool, and it gives the right connotation.
Yeah, aspergillum of blessed mists falls of the mind's tongue like a lead fishing weight. I had to come up with something else.
I just don't know that this wowed the judges. It's cool and useful, but it's not really treading that new of ground. I wonder if it's too close to SIAC? You combine your channel energy ability with obscuring mist. I think it's well thought-though, and a nice clean, useful item. I'd definitely use this in my game, and it would be a great item to include in a sourcebook.
Yeah, maybe it just ain't cool enough. I really liked the thought of a bunch of undead or lower planar baddies writhing in pain while surrounded by holy water mist.
I think they were looking for something that is more innovative. Of course it's hard to tell because I think a few of the top 32 were no more innovative than this, and you definitely designed everything well, and thought through all potential abuse issues.
One place that I think I screwed up was giving undead the shaken condition. Shaken is usually fear-based and undead are immune to that, of course. I really just wanted that condition as short-hand for a minor incapacitation. Probably should have done that differently.
Many thanks for your feedback, Seth. I really do appreciate it.
As for the reqs on your Seal, I don't think it makes a huge amount of difference. So long as they're in the ballpark, it shouldn't matter much. Yours don't jump out at me and say "that's wrong".
Greetings my peers and fellow Pazioians!
For your consideration what follows is my Wondrous Item, thank you for your thoughts, critique, and feedback.
Aura strong transmutation; CL 13th;
Slot chest; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This coarse shirt of animal hair and hide is decorated with runes and fetishes related to giants and strength.
When worn a jotunblood mantle provides the following benefits, the wearer is treated as if he were Large-sized when initiating or defending against attacks or effects based on size, including combat maneuvers such as bull rush and grapple or defending against special attacks like swallow whole. His Combat Maneuver Bonus is modified as follows: his Strength modifier receives an additional +3 bonus, and he now adds a +1 bonus to his special size modifier. His Combat Maneuver Defense is modified by a -1 penalty to his Dexterity modifier (the Strength modifier and special size modifier retain their new bonuses). Additionally the wearer's skin hardens and thickens, granting a +2 natural armor bonus. The mantle does not provide any additional bonuses to other ability scores, nor does the wearer gain any extraordinary or supernatural abilities a Large-sized humanoid of the giant subtype possesses.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, giant form I;
Cost 7,000 gp
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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Aura moderate transmutation CL 11th
Slot neck Price 5375 gp (type I), 14,300 gp (type II), 28,125 gp (type III) Weight –
Description
This choker is made from three fossils, usually claws or teeth, bound to a leather cord. The fossil remains are from creatures long extinct in Golarion, although it is said the beasts still thrive in valleys hidden deep within the Tusk Mountains. The choker functions as an amulet of natural armor according to the table below. Once per day, the wearer can remove one of the fossils and crush it, brewing the powdered bone into a tea or other beverage in a ritual that takes five minutes. For the remainder of that day whoever drinks the emulsion can assume the form of a specific dinosaur, as though affected by beast shape, according to the table below. This effect’s duration is measured in minute increments, and need not be consecutive minutes. The natural armor bonus from the choker does not stack with the natural armor bonus granted while in dinosaur form. When the third and final fossil is consumed in the ritual, the saurian choker loses all magical attributes and becomes a mundane item.
Type I Natural armor bonus +1; deinonychus; 5 minute duration
Type II Natural armor bonus +2; megaraptor; 7 minute duration
Type III Natural armor bonus +3; allosaurus; 9 minute duration
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, barkskin, creator’s caster level must be at least three times the choker’s natural armor bonus, beast shape I (type I), beast shape II (type II), beast shape III (type III) Cost 2,688 gp (type I), 7,150 gp (type II), 14063 gp (type III).
The table is a bit wonky, I didnt save the post with all of the BBCode tags that actually made it look presentable for submission.
Aura moderate transmutation CL 11th
Slot neck Price 5375 gp (type I), 14,300 gp (type II), 28,125 gp (type III) Weight –Description
This choker is made from three fossils, usually claws or teeth, bound to a leather cord. The fossil remains are from creatures long extinct in Golarion, although it is said the beasts still thrive in valleys hidden deep within the Tusk Mountains. The choker functions as an amulet of natural armor according to the table below. Once per day, the wearer can remove one of the fossils and crush it, brewing the powdered bone into a tea or other beverage in a ritual that takes five minutes. For the remainder of that day whoever drinks the emulsion can assume the form of a specific dinosaur, as though affected by beast shape, according to the table below. This effect’s duration is measured in minute increments, and need not be consecutive minutes. The natural armor bonus from the choker does not stack with the natural armor bonus granted while in dinosaur form. When the third and final fossil is consumed in the ritual, the saurian choker loses all magical attributes and becomes a mundane item.Type I Natural armor bonus +1; deinonychus; 5 minute duration
Type II Natural armor bonus +2; megaraptor; 7 minute duration
Type III Natural armor bonus +3; allosaurus; 9 minute durationConstruction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, barkskin, creator’s caster level must be at least three times the choker’s natural armor bonus, beast shape I (type I), beast shape II (type II), beast shape III (type III) Cost 2,688 gp (type I), 7,150 gp (type II), 14063 gp (type III).The table is a bit wonky, I didnt save the post with all of the BBCode tags that actually made it look presentable for submission.
Hi Keldan,
I am by no means a professional, but I really liked the name of your item and that got me to read it. Ooh... saurian choker... without reading further that means dinosaurs to me... I'm already hooked (what boy didn't adore dinosaurs growing up)?
I can understand some of your design and/or mechanics choices here, and admittedly that was part of my "dilemma" with my own item, it provided a natural armor bonus as well, and I didn't want my item to be 'better' than an amulet of natural armor. (Better here having the same meaning as "provides same armor bonus, but cheaper than a nat. armor amulet). So, I think you priced that fairly enough. I'm not sure about the creator's caster level line "must be three times the choker's natural armor bonus." I mean, it works out for the final version you present (beast shape III is a 5th level spell, and a wizard would need to be 9th level to cast it) it just doesn't 'work out' as neatly for the lower level versions. And, minor nitpick, your CL 11th, only needs to be CL 9th. But that's minor as I said.
Overall, some slightly wonky mechanics or design "hiccups", but a really neat item, that as a player I'd enjoy the heck out of. And when I've used it up, I'd research the method and means to make my own. I'm sure that the judges will offer far better feedback than mine. I didn't see any glaring issues or errors, except the ones I mentioned, and I feel those were really minor.
I'd say tighten up you writing and game mechanics/design skills and really bang out an AWESOME item for RPG Superstar 2012.
I hope that helps.
~Dean
Alrighty, then. Back to where I left off.
Hungry Ghost Mask
Not a big fan of the opening salvo. Too backstory heavy.
I'm trying to decide how I feel about the effect. It just seems so minor. If the wearer has an 18 Con and there are two combatants nearby suffering bleed damage, you're getting 8 temporary hit points and doing 4 + 4 hp of damage. But, as priced, you aren't getting this until 6th or 7th level at least. By then the DC 14 save probably isn't terribly tough for the opponents to make. So let's say 6 temp hp if one makes the save and 4 + 2 damage. Once a day. And this seems like the best case scenario.
Without the synergy of several wounding weapons in the group, or some other way to reliably initiate bleed damage, this seems like it would go wanting.
It certainly has flavorlicious flavor, though.
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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[Hi Keldan,
I am by no means a professional, but I really liked the name of your item and...
Thanks for the feedback. The CL of items had me scratching my head a bit, since many items caster requirements didnt seem to match the overall CL of the item in the Core Rules. Items that had a third level spell effect had CL of 7. The description of item CL in the Core Rules seems to say its an overall level of the item for adjudication of Saving Throws and dispelling effects against it. I will have to go back and really study those rules to determine the mechanics and be sure to do it right next time. Im glad you liked the basic flavor of the item. I too was a dinophile as a kid, I still am, and now I volunteer in a fossil preparation lab at a major children's museum. I guess I had fossils on the brain when I came up with the item .
Penumbral Ligatures
Again, I don't think I have anything to add that Sean and Neil haven't already covered. The remote control spell casting bit is too much and I don't think you could tone it down enough and still keep the core idea of the item. I could well be proven wrong, though.
Hmm. I should probably go read more of the Top 32 at some point. Not now though, this is fun.
Ironwood Vest
Not sure why this is described as +1 per fastener. Who wouldn't fasten all five fasteners?
I don't think anything else in the game is qualified using the term "non-artifact", but OK.
Not liking the no save bit. I know it's restricted to melee only, but then you say that melee weapons that are hurled are also affected. So metal hammers, metal-headed javelins and spears, basically everything but arrows, bolts, and sling bullets.
Transmute Iron to Wood is not a spell, it's Transmute Metal to Wood (which you get correct in the reqs). Does the item get SR as outlined in the spell?
Ah, OK, I see the fastener bit now. So a critical threat, they don't even need to confirm the crit? OK.
It's expensive, but I guess it needs to be for what it does. You're looking at being 13th and probably more like 15th before being able to afford this.
It's interesting, but needs to be cleaned up a bit I think.
Dedicated Voter Season 6
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Searing Vestment of the DawnflowerI didn't want to skip over this one completely. In truth, Neil covered anything and everything that I would have said about it (imagine that...).
It's a neat item. With a bit of tweaking, it would be really solid.
Thanks Joe. Strangely enough everything Neil mentioned I kinda already knew could have been pitfalls (except for the italicized item description, totally missed that all on my own.)
Oh, hey, I think everyone who posted in the first page has had at least one feedback. Go us!
Ersatz Elixir
"holds 9-12 ounces of the stuff"... the stuff? Hrm.
So it's an Anything Potion, but better. That's not the end of the world, though.
Actually, there's a lot more going on here than metamagiced potions. Potion duplication and easy potion creation are in the mix too. And Personal Potions, another twist. Boy, this just breaks all kinds of potion rules. I'm not sure that's completely bad, but it raises all kinds of flags.
Also you have cross-class spell reqs. I don't think the judges mind it too awful much, but I do my best to avoid it. And you have Maximize, but not Empower. Seems like you'd need both or neither.
Alrighty, then. Back to where I left off.
Hungry Ghost MaskNot a big fan of the opening salvo. Too backstory heavy.
I'm trying to decide how I feel about the effect. It just seems so minor. If the wearer has an 18 Con and there are two combatants nearby suffering bleed damage, you're getting 8 temporary hit points and doing 4 + 4 hp of damage. But, as priced, you aren't getting this until 6th or 7th level at least. By then the DC 14 save probably isn't terribly tough for the opponents to make. So let's say 6 temp hp if one makes the save and 4 + 2 damage. Once a day. And this seems like the best case scenario.
Without the synergy of several wounding weapons in the group, or some other way to reliably initiate bleed damage, this seems like it would go wanting.
It certainly has flavorlicious flavor, though.
Thank you for your feedback.
What 'backstory'?:
Finely crafted from greenish-white porcelain, this example of a Hungry Ghost Mask is in the image of a Jiang Shi, one of the many exotic horrors of Tian Xia. Dots of seemingly ancient blood fleck the mouth of the mask as though, in antiquity, the fine spray from a wound covered the mask. It would appear that no one has cleaned it since.
Reading it back to myself, all I see is a description and that is all I see. Their is no commentry on origins, no descussion the use within society. It describes a blood splattered porcelain mask of a hopping vampire. So it it that the item is to back story heavy, or is it that my prose there to purple?
Price:
Yes, 10,000 is a lot, but i was taking the following into account:
- The mask provides a free action source of temp hits
- The mask provides a free action source of damage to multiple foes
- Providing there are bleeding foes, it is garentee an effect.
- There is no limit to the number of foes who can be affected, other than the area, which means that feats like Belier's Bite (Combat), and rogue talents like Bleeding Attack can make the total damage done fairly large.
- High con raises the damage done, spells and items that boost con boost the damage also.
All that said, perhapes being 2/day or 3/day item would have worked better for the price.
Flavour: Thank you.
Hey, folks, here's another easy target if you're interested:
Bone Melter
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot wrists; Price 4,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These wrist cuffs melt the bones of humanoid target creatures. They are quite difficult to apply; the target creature must submit to having them put on or be grappled or rendered helpless. Once placed on the target’s wrist, the Bone Melter liquefies along with the bones of the wearer (and is consumed).
The subject loses the structural integrity necessary to perform any voluntary movement and his life processes are slowed such that any ongoing effect from disease, wounding, poison or the like is halted. Eating, drinking, and respiration are unnecessary in this form, though the subject’s natural lifespan is not extended. The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form. Every three days the creature must make a Fort save with a DC equal to the number of days spent in the amorphous form or die. The DC of this save can be reduced by half if another character takes an hour during that three day period to clean and maintain the target creature.
This state persists until the magic is removed (such as by a successful dispel magic spell).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, baleful polymorph; Cost 2,250 gp
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Anyone want to take a swing at this?
Phoenix Knights' Misericorde
Aura strong conjuration and enchantment; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 22,425 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This dagger-shaped pendant is made of a transparent, volcanic crystal. Its crimson core beats with a faint, golden light. “Pick me up. Send me home,” it whispers to friendly ears.
Favored by knights opposing the foulest spawn of the lower planes, the pendant is activated and deactivated by a command word. When active, the magic of the item is triggered when the wearer is killed or is the subject of a successful attack that would trap or destroy their soul.
When triggered, the pendant pierces the wearer’s heart, and its hollow core fills with blood. The wearer’s soul is drawn into the core. The pendant then teleports away as the body is consumed in a column of fire, which fills the square it occupied for 15 rounds causing 3d6 points of fire damage per round to any creature inside (DC 19 reflex save for half).
The pendant appears either in a preset location, or in a random location upon dry land within 150’ of a member of the owners race; the choice is made upon activation, and usually determined by whether the wearer’s home is about to be overrun. The soul can draw creatures towards itself with a sympathy spell, once per day. It may whisper to anyone within 10’, and perceives its surroundings through the senses of anyone in physical contact.
The presence of the soul and part of the body combined within this item allows a raise dead spell to restore the wearer to life, as an exception to the normal requirements of that spell. Similarly, the wearer can be regenerated.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, flaming sphere, sympathy, trap the soul, teleport; Cost 11,212 gp
I've just realised that this doesn't contain the 'corrupt' part of 'trap, corrupt or destroy their soul' line that the judges didn't like. Looks like I fumbled somewhere during my final edits and saved the finished version locally but submitted a prior revision :(
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Bone Melter
This is a nice, useful item. Good for allowing a party member to survive long enough to reach civilisation for treatment or for bringing back the quarry of a hunt alive.
Problems:
I don't understand what the target ends up like. Do you need a bucket to carry them, for example.
"The form is not natural to the creature and no extreme adaptations are made to accommodate the new form." — no idea what you are trying to say here.
Halving the DC and having a 3 day repeat means fractions.
Ways to terminate the effect are only partially defined. Having a clearer way to do this would be good.
Could a caster affected by this still cast stilled, silent spells? What about other abilities of that kind?
I'd be interested to know what peers think of this item.
Nightmare Flask
Aura faint abjuration; CL 1st
Slot neck; Price 1,750 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This smoked glass flask is capped with a pewter skull crying tears of chains which loop to form a raspy necklace. Embossed with the ebon seal of the Umbral Court, these flasks are often worn by Nidal's shadow-touched aristocracy and the clergy of the Midnight Lord.
If the flask is empty and the wearer would become shaken, frightened, panicked, or start cowering, the wearer does not suffer that condition; instead, the fear is diverted and manifests inside the flask as a shadowy essence. The essence swirls and hisses restlessly while contained but cannot escape the flask and cannot be poured out. The flask may be used an unlimited number of times per day but must be emptied in between each use. The only way to empty the flask is for one willing sentient creature (which may or may not be the wearer) to drink the essence within. Tricking or coercing a creature into drinking the essence is an evil act. The drinker must succeed at a Will save (DC 15) or suffer as if subjected to a nightmare spell (a supernatural ability).
If the flask is destroyed (hardness 1, hp 2), any essence within vanishes into the plane of shadow, traveling thereby to return to the former wearer from whom it was originally diverted, affecting that creature as if he or she drank the essence (Will save at an increased DC 25). A drinker may voluntarily fail the save against the nightmare effect, an act considered an offering of fear and pain to Zon-Kuthon.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove fear; Cost 875 gp
I'd love to get some feedback if anyone is game!
I'm hoping that its at least better than last year's submission! Did I gete auto-rejected for anything I didn't realise? Or was it just wierd, lame, boring?
Mask of the Mystic Hunter
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot head; Price 57,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This strange fleshy mask looks like a flayed human face with many saggy folds of extra skin. The only apertures in its mottled brown surface are for the eyes and the tip of the nose, the mouth is entirely covered in pendulous flaps of skin.
If a creature holds this droopy mask against their face for a minute, it spreads out and fuses with their flesh along the jaw line, or whatever the boundaries of the face are on stranger creatures. Once bonded to a creature in such a way, the wearer gains the scent special ability, and a +5 bonus to Survival checks to track other creatures. The only method of removal is for a creature to pull at the mask for a minute.
The true power of this mask, however, comes in its ability to track magic. The wearer may use detect magic at will and may make Spellcraft checks untrained, receiving a +5 bonus when attempting to identify a spell being cast. In addition, once per day they may begin to track a magical aura of moderate or greater strength as a creature using follow aura (APG pg. 224) tracks an alignment. If the aura was left by a spell they track the caster of that spell, and may continue to do so for 1d6 days after they find the aura. The wearer follows the trace of this aura along the ground as if tracking a scent with the Survival skill. They can only track one such aura at a time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bloodhound (APG pg. 206), detect magic, follow aura (APG pg. 224), 1 sq. ft. of bloodhound skin; Cost 28,500 gp
Ersatz Elixir
Thanks for the feedback Joe. You definitely made several valid points--some of which I had debated with myself during the creation process. I haven't seen official feedback from the judges, but I'm sure they shared one or more of your opinions.
"holds 9-12 ounces of the stuff"... the stuff? Hrm.
I didn't particularly like this language myself, but it's straight out of sovereign glue; I was trying to follow existing item templates and wording as much as possible.
So it's an Anything Potion, but better. That's not the end of the world, though.Actually, there's a lot more going on here than metamagiced potions. Potion duplication and easy potion creation are in the mix too. And Personal Potions, another twist. Boy, this just breaks all kinds of potion rules. I'm not sure that's completely bad, but it raises all kinds of flags.
I was very conscious that I was breaking more than one rule, which isn't always a bad thing since it is suppose to be a wondrous item, but in hindsight I think it might have been better to just have only one effect instead of trying to do to much.
Also you have cross-class spell reqs. I don't think the judges mind it too awful much, but I do my best to avoid it. And you have Maximize, but not Empower. Seems like you'd need both or neither.
Initially I had Empower Spell as a prerequisite, but during my research I came across the amplify elixir spell from the APG and I decided that was the effect I was going for and it seemed like a good fit since it was an alchemist spell--at least at the time.
Again, thank you for your time.
Star Voter Season 6
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My opinion regarding Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma...
** spoiler omitted **1: your grammar and spelling isn't really of a professional standard. Your first sentence alone would make any pedantic writer cringe and it took me quite a few reads...
hmmm, thanks for the in detail reply
Hey folks, I'm still waiting for the judges' feedback but, meanwhile, I would greatly appreciate your critique of my item. I struggled a lot with the numbers on this one, but here's how it came out in the end:
Urn of the Giant Horde
Aura moderate transmutation and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 34,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
Reliefs of a rioting mob adorn this marble funeral jar filled with ashes of giants. Once a day, upon speaking the command word, the urn vibrates to the uproar of hundreds of savages trapped within.
The area in a 20-ft radius of the urn shakes violently and is considered difficult terrain. Casting spells while in the affected area requires a concentration check (DC 15 + spell level).
After 3 rounds, the forces inside the urn start trying to escape. The urn opens and the ashes explode in a 30-ft cone-shaped emanation unless the bearer makes a DC 10 Strength check each round as a standard action to keep it shut. Two hands are required to bear the urn successfully. While the urn is closed, the bearer may deactivate it as a swift action by speaking the command word. If the ashes are released, the cone becomes the new area of effect and the initial effects persist in it. The bearer can spend one move action each round to redirect the cone.
The ashes shape into a horde of giants that stomps everyone in its path. It attempts to trip huge or smaller creatures using a +15 CMB. Prone creatures in the area take 2d6 subdual damage each round and must make a DC 15 Strength check to stand up.
Before dispersing, the ashes emanate for 4 rounds, during which the bearer can make a DC 10 Strength check as a standard action to close the urn. Success pulls back the ashes and ends all effects.
The urn loses all powers if the ashes disperse before being imprisoned again.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, solid fog, telekinesis; Cost 17,000 gp
Note: This is a very slightly different version of the item entered. Due to unfamiliarity with Microsoft 2010, I saved over that version.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
there is a group of pcs in a cave right now that is not going to like this any where as much as i do
I'd love to see what you all think of my item (and alternate, original item) too.
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot head; Price 35,000gp; weight 1lb
The eye emblazoned on this bandanna scans its surroundings at all times, watching for anything that might be a threat to its wearer. The eye is, in all ways, an additional eye for the wearer. It is able to see with whatever vision the wearer normally has, even to the point where it blinks when the wearer does.
Having a third eye is beneficial in many ways to the wearer, especially as the headband does not need to be tied with it facing forward – it can be tied forward or backwards and changing the direction of the eye is a move action that provokes an attack of opportunity. If the headband is tied in reverse, the wearer gains all-around vision, making it impossible for them to be flanked and granting a +4 bonus to passive perception checks.
While the Insightful Eye is tied facing forwards, the eye remains ever-watchful. Normally this grants the wearer a +4 bonus to all active perception checks, but if the wearer allows the eye to study a particular target, they also gain another benefit. By spending a standard action focusing on a target, which does not provoke an attack of opportunity, the eye sees the weaknesses in the target’s armor, allowing wearer to ignore up to five points of AC granted by armor for all attacks against the target next round. If the bonus is not spent that round, the effect is still expended and the wearer must re-focus.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, True Strike; Cost 17,500gp
Aura faint divination, moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot: head ; Price: 29,000 gp; Weight : 3lb
The constantly undulating pattern of this bandanna seems to be formed from dozens of tiny snakes, slithering along the surface. The only break in the shifting pattern is the single silver eye emblazoned on one side, which opens whenever it is worn, staring with unnerving focus. The eye is, in all ways, an additional eye for the wearer. It is able to see with whatever vision the wearer normally has, even to the point where it blinks when the wearer does.
Having a third eye is beneficial in many ways to the wearer, especially as the bandanna does not need to be tied with it facing forward. If the bandanna is tied in reverse, the wearer gains all-around vision, making it impossible for them to be flanked and granting a +4 bonus to passive perception checks.
If the bandanna is tied facing forward, the wearer gains a +4 bonus to all active perception checks, as well as access to the eye’s gaze attack. The wearer can, once per day, activate the bandanna to gaze at any one target they can see, upon which time the bandanna separates into a hundred tiny snakes like the hair of a medusa. Also like the medusa, the gaze petrifies the target as a spell Flesh to Stone, unless they pass a DC 18 fortitude save.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Arcane Eye, Flesh to Stone; Cost 14,500 gp
What 'backstory'?:
Reading it back to myself, all I see is a description and that is all I see. Their is no commentry on origins, no descussion the use within society. It describes a blood splattered porcelain mask of a hopping vampire. So it it that the item is to back story heavy, or is it that my prose there to purple?
To me, "Finely crafted from greenish-white porcelain" is the description. Everything after that is extraneous and it goes on for three long sentences. It's just seems like far too much.
Price:
Yes, 10,000 is a lot, but i was taking the following into account:
- The mask provides a free action source of temp hits
- The mask provides a free action source of damage to multiple foes
- Providing there are bleeding foes, it is garentee an effect.
- There is no limit to the number of foes who can be affected, other than the area, which means that feats like Belier's Bite...
But even with those feats, and with a bunch of opponents, how many are going to be suffering bleed damage at the same time and not lying on the ground?
It is nice for a mobile rogue with Bleeding Attack, true. I still wonder how many opponents you could get with this at once.
Grafting Clamp
Aura strong necromancy; CL 15th
Slot varies; Price 32,000 gp; Weight 1lb
Description
This circular clamp has small barbed hooks all around its edges. When activated, a freshly removed limb from one creature can be grafted to another willing creature as a full round action. A limb can only be removed from a creature that is dead and must be attached to the wearer within one minute of the donor creature’s death.
The donor creature and the wearer of a grafting clamp must be within one size category of each other.
If a grafting clamp is successfully dispelled with dispel magic or antimagic field the limb falls off. The limb can be reattached within one minute after which a newly harvested limb must be used.
Different limbs can be attached as follows:
Arm: Body Slot; The wearer gains the reach of the donor creature’s arm when using the grafted arm. If the donor creature had a natural attack with the arm the wearer gains a secondary attack equal to the donor creature’s natural attack with the arm. Use the damage dice and strength modifier from the donor creature. The wearer does not gain any special attacks the donor creature had. The arm cannot wield a weapon.
Head: Shoulder Slot; The wearer gains the ability to hear and speak the languages the donor creature knew. The wearer gains a +2 profane bonus to all knowledge skills in which the donor creature had ranks. The attached head is always awake allowing the wearer to be alert while sleeping.
Wings: Chest Slot; The wearer gains a fly speed equal to half the donor creature’s fly speed with poor maneuverability.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, make whole, animate dead; Cost 16,000 gp
BTW- Let me say that I'm just a guy giving a from-the-hip overview of what I see in these items. Many of these are really cool and innovative. I'm just trying to find where, for me, they fall short or need help. No hard feelings?
OK, skipping a couple that have gotten some love already.
Jotunblood Mantle
You have the italicized text intro that the judges have been railing against.
The first effect is neat. I think it could have used a little more explanation, though. Especially on which special attacks this helps to defend against. Looks like there was some word count left on the table here.
Also, maybe instead of "treated as Large-sized" the wearer would be treated as one size larger?
The addition of the nat armor bonus seems kind of like a tack-on. All of the CMB and combat maneuver stuff was pretty tightly themed until then.
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Penumbral LigaturesAgain, I don't think I have anything to add that Sean and Neil haven't already covered. The remote control spell casting bit is too much and I don't think you could tone it down enough and still keep the core idea of the item. I could well be proven wrong, though.
Thanks Joe. I figured everything that could be said about it probably has been said, but wanted to throw it out there in case anyone had some ideas... it's not often you find this many people in a mood to provide feedback. :) Your time and response is greatly appreicated.
Clay of Flesh Crafting
I see a few problems with this immediately: First, how long does someone stay malleable? Enough time for one craft check? Two? Taking 20? What if they leave in the middle, can they shape their own flesh? What if they get attacked, would it make them easier to injure?
A time limit, say, three rounds would help here. But beyond that there's no real need for this item, it's disguise person in-a-can with a few kinda weird effects thrown in. And a permanent effect save for wish? That's a bit harsh for a mere 3,800gp. (side note, your cost should be half your price) Best have it as a permanant duration magical effect, which can be removed by break curse or dispel magic or something.
Overall, there are too many issues with the balance of this because of unclear time frames for the use of the item.
Egg of the Flame Toxoztesoma
Your item is an interesting idea, turning into a swarm and a skeleton. But then you bog the item down with these being so complicated. You'd need a separate character sheet for each potential use of the item. And there are issues with the templates you are applying too. Burn has to have damage and a catch fire DC attached to it, for instance.
The raising a creature from the dead ability feels way tacked on, and is way too powerful. Carry one or two of these around, apply them to your allies who fall against the BBEG, and they get a free few rounds of supercharged combat. No thanks, that's a game breaker. Especially for 12,000gp.
Also, what the heck is a toxoztesoma. I can't even spell it normally, let alone pronounce it.
Next time, try for something simpler. Find one cool effect, and go from there.
Scabbard of Reforging
A few problems with your rules-fu too, your skill requirement shouldn't have ranks, and most enchantments don't have a caster level requirement. A +3 sword for instance.
And most importantly, your restrictions on what weapon types fit the scabbard are really weird. So you're saying I could fit a small longsword, but not a small shortsword (because that is equal to a medium dagger). And I could fit a medium greataxe, but not a large greatsword? I could turn a wooden club into a sword too the way it's written, but it should stay wood? That wouldn't be very useful.
Ultimately, your issue is the lack of wow. This item, cleared of rules issues, just isn't exciting - about on the level of a bag of holding, okay, but not something you get all worked up about.
Paranoid Charm
Then, it's an item for more bookkeeping. It isn't clear as to whether the item heals the damage the user took, or if it blocks upcoming damage of the last type the user took before dawn. That lack of clairity as to which type of extra bookkeeping is bad enough, but you';re also not clear what happens when the user then takes more damage. (side note - don't use asterixes to emphasize a word, that's what bold and italics are for) What if the user took 59 points of damage, then got hit for 10? Does it absorb all the damage? Does it only take one of the damage, and the rest bleeds through? Does it do nothing until the user gets hit for only one damage? And after that, what? Does the item break, or just go dormant for the day?
And then why does the user need to take more damage of the type in order to activate it that day? It seems a lot of overkill and overcomplicated to boot. Two points? So if I'm being mauled by a half dozen monsters dealing one damage a round, I'm stuck?
I think this item is too much bookeeping, and too much in need of a trim. It needs to do one thing well, not nine things okay. And I would never want this item myself because of the amount of work I can see it being to keep track of.
Stump Dust
Now that's done, moving on. Bad writer using so many brackets. You shouldn't need them in an item description, if your writing is so unclear you need to clarify in a bracket, you need to rewrite or add another sentence. Plain and simple.
And they don't all even clarify either. What is 'spraying' the dust? That's not a game term, handfuls of dust can be thrown, or sprinkled, not sprayed or dropped or anything else. Be careful with your game terms, use the right ones. Also, you don't clairify what happens if the dust isn't carefully sprinkled versus thrown at someone. That's a big hole.
Now, onto the item's actual effect. Or the first of them. The will save is good, I like the idea you have in the core of the item, it could have been great. But then you add in this 50% chance thing. So, first I have to fail my save, then I have a chance of something bad happening? And that something bad is then randomly chosen from any possible bad somethings? That's shooting yourself in the foot. The user should make a will save, and on a failure they should automatically make the wrong decision. It's as simple as that. They turn back, convinced they took a wrong turn, or they actually take a wrong turn convinced it's the right one. None of this 50% chance stuff, that's for invisiblity.
Then there's the secondary effect, which while an interesting idea is better left to the DM's digression. I'd cut it entirely, and have focused on the one, solid idea the item is based around. There's just way too many little issues for the original coolness of your idea to come through.
Hammer of the Master Craftsman
In summmary, not exciting, too expensive for the effect, and really not exciting. I'm sure you see where I think you fell down.
Gloves of Elongation
Now, onto the 'wonky'. The arms provoke AOOs, right? and they're still attached to the wearer? Then why don't they subtract damage from the wearer's hit points? And how fast do the arms move? Instant? Do they have to be activated, or is a swift action to allow the user to do something else that round with the effects?
And if the user grapples someone 20ft away, what happens if someone wants to pass the intervening space in the meanwhile? Or what happens if the arms hit points run out while doing so, does he let go? If so, what about if he has a weapon in his hands, does he drop it? And if not, why is there a difference?
Now, the other two abilities. They might seem logical extensions of your magic item's powers, but again it's best to leave it simple and let edge cases like that fall into a GM's house rules. Why wouldn't a wearer extend all 30ft of his arms immediately to gain a +3 on CMB? (side note: the bonus is to CMB, not to the die roll) Your last sentance here is totally garbage too. "manipulate a target 30 feet affecting creatures up to its size"? What does that mean at all? That alone is a submission killer, it shows you might not proofread your work.
And the snapping to a distant location is tacked on too. Do you provoke a second AOO? I dunno, it's not clear, especially on the crashing into a solid creature bit.
Summary: be clearer. Really.
Stygian Seal of Blasphemy
And you don't clairify a few important cases - can a caster cast a spell with the symbol in that round before the wax reforms? What happens if the flame is doused, can you relight the candle? How long does the supression last if you consecrate it?
Cool ideas, cool visuals, but way overpowered, especially for the price.
Stygian Decanter
Except that it seems a little counterproductive. You gain a bonus to bluff checks, unless you lie - in which case you're poisoned? Isn't the point of the bluff skill TO lie? One or the other, really, and the latter is really cool except for the minor issue of it being a DM item more than a player item.
Reciprocity Coin
So, you give the item to someone. They don't need to know about it, and they immediately make a will save. If they fail, they do something, and if they pass they... write it down? That's weird, if they pass the while cycle should be moot, or at least cut to the next step immediately.
Actually, every time I see this discussed people write out the whole process of what goes on. If that's how your item is described it's too complicated. period.
How does the receiver know that he can make the other person do something, too? Does that get whispered to him? How does he know what the other person can do? A lot of issues here, and is a plot device waiting to happen.
And then the coin might suddenly become useless. But if it doesn't, the new owner can use it again, and that new owner could potentially use it again? way too complex. One (double) use should be enough for the price tag.
Haunt-Clad Shroud
And then, this is a really finicky item too, you need to have a high charisma, and the ability to make people shaken. If you're making them shaken, you probably want them running away, not attacking you slightly less well.
Needs more flavor, and ultimately relies on too many outside factors.
Amulet of Reverse Incantation
First, that's a very specific list of spells you have there, and that makes it limited to a very specific set of spellcasters. What baout wall of wind becoming wall of vaccuum? There are a lot of other cases the wearer might want, but they're precluded by you saying that only a few actually work.
And as to working, how easy is it to cast a spell backwards? It'd be pretty hard if you ask me - at least requiring a spellcraft check or concentration. Try saying your own name backwards. And how backwards, too? backwards word order? syllable order? letter order?
This item might have been neat, but it goes too far and them cuts itself off halfway there. Sorry, I don;t like it.
...and, I'm out of time. I'll try to get to the rest of you later.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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I like the name. It sounds cool, and it gives the right connotation.Yeah, aspergillum of blessed mists falls of the mind's tongue like a lead fishing weight. I had to come up with something else.
I just don't know that this wowed the judges. It's cool and useful, but it's not really treading that new of ground. I wonder if it's too close to SIAC? You combine your channel energy ability with obscuring mist. I think it's well thought-though, and a nice clean, useful item. I'd definitely use this in my game, and it would be a great item to include in a sourcebook.Yeah, maybe it just ain't cool enough. I really liked the thought of a bunch of undead or lower planar baddies writhing in pain while surrounded by holy water mist.
I think they were looking for something that is more innovative. Of course it's hard to tell because I think a few of the top 32 were no more innovative than this, and you definitely designed everything well, and thought through all potential abuse issues.One place that I think I screwed up was giving undead the shaken condition. Shaken is usually fear-based and undead are immune to that, of course. I really just wanted that condition as short-hand for a minor incapacitation. Probably should have done that differently.
Many thanks for your feedback, Seth. I really do appreciate it.
As for the reqs on your Seal, I don't think it makes a huge amount of difference. So long as they're in the ballpark, it shouldn't matter much. Yours don't jump out at me and say "that's wrong".
I don't know. I liked the shaken effect. It reminds me of the 3x turn undead ability where they run away from you, or cower. Even if they're immune to mind-affecting spells, it doesn't mean they can't ever be afraid, does it? Undead SHOULD be afraid of a cleric I think. But maybe mechanically they never can. If that's the case, then I think that's a real shame.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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So, this feels like an instant gimp to divine casters. And for the price, holy cow! I mean, I like the devils bit, and the wax forming on holy symbols is cool, but - it basically kills half the divine spells that are out there. For 6k, that's crazy.
And you don't clairify a few important cases - can a caster cast a spell with the symbol in that round before the wax reforms? What happens if the flame is doused, can you relight the candle? How long does the supression last if you consecrate it?
Cool ideas, cool visuals, but way overpowered, especially for the price.
Thanks very much for your comments!
It looks like I did a lousy job of communicating, so I deserve to be on the outside looking in with this item.
I guess I felt the gimp factor was balanced by the fact you could take the wax off the symbol, at the cost of getting hit with the poison spell. But it's apparent that wasn't viewed as enough.
As for cost, I thought 6k might be a bit steep for an item you can only use once. The math was hard to work out, and I probably ended up low-balling it by basing it on poison + desecrate + continual flame, since it's possible to end up poisoning multiple opponents with this item, plus the gimp factor for those who don't want to get poisoned.
I stated that the wax instantly forms when the symbol is brought into the zone. It was my intention to clearly communicate by that, that if you move, then it seals after the move, but before you can use a standard action. Maybe I should have been more explicit. It's always a balance to decide how much to call out; I assumed that the judges would understand that point, but I could have been very wrong.
And yeah I totally should have talked about relighting the candle. I assumed that if you dispelled it, consecrated it, covered it, or concealed it with a darkness spell then it's suppressed. And you'd resolve countering the spell normally (such as with dispel magic, consecrate, continual flame (or any light spell equal or higher than the darkness spell). In retrospect, I shouldn't have left that as it is. I should have just said that you could relight the thing as a standard action, which would turn it back on. It's certainly an elegant solution.
Also in retrospect I should have made the radius 20' for the wax effect (so that part only works in the area where the profane light burns brightest). That may have made it a little easier to swallow.
At any rate, I'm still uncertain on how powerful it is because it's really easy to bypass the gimp effect. You (or an ally) just have to make a sacrifice by taking the stygian venom into your body to get back your communion with your god.
But I can clearly see I failed to pass muster for many of the reasons you pointed out. I still think this is a great villain item, but it's obvious it needs work still, and despite last year's lucky break I'm still not ready for this contest. Because to me it looked balanced. :-/
THANKS LOTS for your critique!
Bone Melter
This is a nice, useful item. Good for allowing a party member to survive long enough to reach civilisation for treatment or for bringing back the quarry of a hunt alive.
I didn´t even realize this use, all i saw was the mentioned incarceration-method.
Admitedly there IS a certain Half-orc Ranger-Marshall in our Kingmaker-Campaign that would love to have a Bone Melter, to threaten certain elves, should he ever catch one alive, but... its a bit nasty.
He would use this to get a injured man home, but this condition does not seem to make this much easier. On cursory glance on the spell i don´t see why the melting of bones should affect poison, wounding or disease ? I also would like to know what you wanted to say with the form/accomodation-part ?
I wonder in what context you saw the main use of your item ?
Other than that: Its tight, very well written, as far as i can say even more than that, straight to the point, i´d like to say all angles covered, but i too see the points Brock is making , exept for the use of the word nice;)
That was the pit-fall essentialy it seems, i wonder what my item fell into:)
Paranoid charm** spoiler omitted **
There's some weirdness with the item being a once per day item that lasts 24 hours. It'd be easier to say that the user chooses at dawn what effect he gets and leave it at that.
Then, it's an item for more bookkeeping. It isn't clear as to whether the item heals the damage the user took, or if it blocks upcoming damage of the last type the user took before dawn. That lack of clairity as to which type of extra bookkeeping is bad enough, but you';re also not clear what happens when the user then takes more damage. (side note - don't use asterixes to emphasize a word, that's what bold and italics are for) What if the user took 59 points of damage, then got hit for 10? Does it absorb all the damage? Does it only take one of the damage, and the rest bleeds through? Does it do nothing until the user gets hit for only one damage? And after that, what? Does the item break, or just go dormant for the day?And then why does the user need to take more damage of the type in order to activate it that day? It seems a lot of overkill and overcomplicated to boot. Two points? So if I'm being mauled by a half dozen monsters dealing one damage a round, I'm stuck?
I think this item is too much bookeeping, and too much in need of a trim. It needs to do one thing well, not nine things okay. And I would never want this item myself because of the amount of work I can see it being to keep track of.
Wow - here I was thinking that the description was clear enough - that's my big lesson from this year's competition. I was under the impression that the term "absorb" was a PF core rules term used and understood clearly; I'll need to do more research.
As for bookkeeping: No more effort than tracking any other long-duration spell a player might use.
Thanks for the point about the syntax formatting - I missed the use of those asterixes in every proofread.
All of your probing questions have logical answers that a typical GM could cover, so I'm not going to address them individually. I'll just say that those contingencies were all considered and their resolution would be no different than that of any typical protection effect; refer to the spell descriptions for protection from energy and shield for more details.
Thank you for your input!
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
aka ugly child
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Any opinion guys?
The Journal of Pernicious Replication
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.Description
This unassuming and scuffed journal appears as a log of accounting transactions, such as a store ledger or a tax auditor’s record. Once per day, when this journal is placed in contact with another document and the command word is spoken, the content of the journal changes to that of the document touched. The cover and shape of the journal remain that of the mundane log or ledger. The user may erase (as the spell) all or part of a document they have just copied. This does not allow the copying of scrolls, spellbooks or other magical texts and such text results in garbled content in the journal. The erase effect cannot affect magical text unsuccessfully copied. The journal can copy up to 400 pages of text and illustration before reaching its capacity. Copying a document requires a standard action which does not provoke an attack of opportunity. You may return the journal to its original state by shaking the journal roughly and speaking the command word as a standard action, this removes all copied content from the journal. The journal is favoured by clerks and spies for copying important texts quickly.
Construction
Requirements Craft wondrous item, erase; Cost 2,500 gp
BTW- Let me say that I'm just a guy giving a from-the-hip overview of what I see in these items. Many of these are really cool and innovative. I'm just trying to find where, for me, they fall short or need help. No hard feelings?
OK, skipping a couple that have gotten some love already.
Jotunblood MantleYou have the italicized text intro that the judges have been railing against.
The first effect is neat. I think it could have used a little more explanation, though. Especially on which special attacks this helps to defend against. Looks like there was some word count left on the table here.
Also, maybe instead of "treated as Large-sized" the wearer would be treated as one size larger?
The addition of the nat armor bonus seems kind of like a tack-on. All of the CMB and combat maneuver stuff was pretty tightly themed until then.
Hi Joe,
Thanks for the feedback. I hadn't realized the judges were railing against using italicized for an item's intro. (I thought it helped to differentiate the description vs. game mechanics). Oops. I'm going to spoiler the rest of my reply...
I wrestled with the "one size larger vs. treated as Large-sized" (in fact one size larger was in my earlier drafts) but in keeping with the effects of giant form I, I chose the latter instead.
I get were you are coming from regarding the natural armor bonus, although I didn't consider it "tacked-on" it's actually half of the bonus you get from giant form I, and for the price I didn't want it to be better (and cheaper) than a +4 amulet of natural armor.
But, your feedback and opinions have been helpful, and I appreciate the time you took to give it to me. If nothing else, I feel I was "almost there" but for a few missteps.
Thank you,
Sincerely,
Dean; The_Minstrel_Wyrm
I guess I felt the gimp factor was balanced by the fact you could take the wax off the symbol, at the cost of getting hit with the poison spell. But it's apparent that wasn't viewed as enough.
Here's more-or-less my reactions while reading:
This wax seal suppresses all divine spells and abilities that require a holy symbol, unless the symbol’s owner worships Asmodeus. The blasphemous seal persists if the symbol is taken out of the zone of corruption, or the zone is suppressed.
That's nasty. Cool and nasty.
As a standard action, a character may grasp the corrupted symbol with a bare hand and remove the blasphemous seal. Grasping the seal draws the corruption into the flesh, and diabolical venom courses through the target’s body with the effects of the poison spell (Fortitude DC 17 negates).
Ouch. Vicious.
If the holy symbol is within the zone of corruption, the seal instantly reforms.
And at this point I think we've jumped the shark. If the seal instantly reforms, then taking the poison hit was for naught.
@seth - Joe beat me to the punch, the key is the line where you say "instantly reforms". Which means if you try to stop it, you get poisoned and still remain gimped. Therein lies your demise.
...a good friend of mine had offered what I felt was good advice (at the time) and encouraged me to 'leave out' how the effects are similar to giant form I and in my revision I think I cut out to much. I had at least 100 more words, and could have (as you pointed out) done much more with an explanation.
Ah, OK. That's my fault for not circling back and checking the spell that you based it on.
Giant Form I actually makes you Large size. This doesn't. Since you're only pretending to be Large size for certain things, I think more expansion is needed on what that means.