In my experience the guys that handle character death best are the same ones that have a bunch of characters and character ideas already lined up. Its a lot easier to take loosing a character if you happen to have spent some of your recent free time creating four other builds and now your going to have to choose which one to bring in.
In fact I'd go so far as to speculate that what we are seeing here is not really a gender split on character death so much as a gender split on how many back up characters one has and wants to try out. A female player that spends some of her free time rolling up new characters for fun will take character death much more in stride while a male player that never builds a back up character but only makes a new one if the current one dies is going to be pretty unhappy.
I don't find back-up characters to be the dividing line at all. I've always looked at character death (and taught new players to look at it) this way: never get attached to a sheet of paper. That's all a character is when you get down to it. it's not some psychological extension of my psyche, it's numbers and words on a sheet of paper.
Only very recently have I started having back-up characters at all, since writing up new characters has never taken me that long. The only time I've ever been even slightly upset over character death is when a DM engineered it as a plot device. Deaths should happen when the rules say they should, not when the DM feels it is cinematically appropriate.
Women "aren't into" gaming the same reason they "aren't into" math and engineering.
Note: The reason isn't in their brains.
Why don't women go into gaming? Maybe because people tell them their brains are too weird to handle it. That isn't a huge selling point, you know.
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Tabletop gaming is predominantly male oriented.
That may have been true once, but not any more. I am setting a up game for my son, my ex-wife, my two daughters and my god-daughter.
However they're still in the minority. And I'd say a part of it is all the chainmail bikinis and similar.
Last game I ran, I had to make up rules for chainmail bikinis - because the FEMALE players all wanted their characters to wear them. At the first Paizocon UK in 2009 there were descriptions of semi-naked female spell-casters who had to use endure elements to avoid dying of exposure ... all played by girls.
The chainmail bikini has gone from being on offence to feminism to light artillery in the battle of the sexes across the gaming table.
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Tabletop gaming is predominantly male oriented.That may have been true once, but not any more. I am setting a up game for my son, my ex-wife, my two daughters and my god-daughter.
However they're still in the minority. And I'd say a part of it is all the chainmail bikinis and similar.Last game I ran, I had to make up rules for chainmail bikinis - because the FEMALE players all wanted their characters to wear them. At the first Paizocon UK in 2009 there were descriptions of semi-naked female spell-casters who had to use endure elements to avoid dying of exposure ... all played by girls.
The chainmail bikini has gone from being on offence to feminism to light artillery in the battle of the sexes across the gaming table.
Yeah I am actually pro cheese cake art and more. Just as long as that isn't all the art. :)
While Eric the Pipe is mostly correct about historical Mediaeval European society, we're talking about a FANTASY world here...
... and even more importantly, that comment is apposite about characters in your game world, not about the people who play them.
And Gary's not the only DM who has assumed that just because I am female, so is my character!
I would agree, but would gygax.
Yeah I am actually pro cheese cake art and more. Just as long as that isn't all the art. :)
Yes, the female players have realised the Power of the Cheesecake is theirs to command ...
And I'd say a part of it is all the chainmail bikinis and similar.
I'm all for bringing back the CMB.
Tabletop gaming is predominantly male oriented.That may have been true once, but not any more. I am setting a up game for my son, my ex-wife, my two daughters and my god-daughter.
However they're still in the minority. And I'd say a part of it is all the chainmail bikinis and similar.Last game I ran, I had to make up rules for chainmail bikinis - because the FEMALE players all wanted their characters to wear them. At the first Paizocon UK in 2009 there were descriptions of semi-naked female spell-casters who had to use endure elements to avoid dying of exposure ... all played by girls.
The chainmail bikini has gone from being on offence to feminism to light artillery in the battle of the sexes across the gaming table.
Anecdotal evidence and nothing more. Not that his evidence is less anecdotal.
Just remember: Personal experience doesn't have to be representative.
First of all, whatever accusations of chauvinism we'd like to imply on the part of our founder for whatever extraneous tables he might have included in early editions (having read a lot about the man, I think it's safe to give the benefit of the doubt and assume this was another attempt at inclusion of all things he perceived as medieval), the fact of the matter is that male and female brains are, proven by scientific method and modern instruments, different.
It is not a matter of superiority or inferiority, so taking offense or attempting defensive posturing as a means of debate, is not going to produce an honest outcome. It is easily understandable that the two genders handled different tasks over the course of our evolution, and so came to specialize in different ways. This is a good thing.
Now, individuals being individuals, there is no doubt plenty of overlap on both sides, over a wide swath of the population. There are certain tasks at home traditionally given the wife/mother that I seem to be better at than my wife is. On the other hand, she kicks my butt at most video games. On the other other hand, she watches, but doesn't like to play the horror games I love, and she likes to roleplay but doesn't bother to memorize a single rule from any of the rulebooks.
Which brings me to my own experience over the course of thirty years of tabletop gaming. In all of that time, I have known only two female DMs, but have gamed with neither (though I respect them both a lot as creative people - we simply aren't in the same gaming groups). I have had at least seven ladies as players at my table, two of them for about ten years (one being my wife), and a good amount of gaming under my belt with a few of the others. They were some of my best players in terms of creatively changing the plot or interaction with NPCs, and I love playing with them. One, interestingly, likes the game most when she's slaughtering foes by the thousands. Only one was ever interested in reading up on the rules, and she only a bit interested.
Thus, I specialize in what we call "the girlfriend game," a term I use amongst all of us friends and which the ladies in my groups understand and do not take offensively at all. This means I handle rules issues behind the scenes, and just ask them what they want to do and tell them which dice to roll to accomplish it. They trust me, which may be part of the appeal of the game for them. Ladies like trustworthy guys, which makes me a popular gamer in the circles in which I run.
None of these ladies, with great exception to the two DMs I mentioned earlier, care much about wargames (both DMs work for one of my FLGS and involve themselves in all sorts of games). One of my players refers to wargames as "sausage fests," despite my insistence that more and more ladies are getting involved.
To that end, I think that you can't discount environment in this argument. As traditional gender roles are more relaxed, girls have more time for gaming, which makes for a larger number of available gamer ladies down the line. So more girls are involved than ever before as a matter of course.
Anyway, that's my experience. Take all of this as you will.
There are certain tasks at home traditionally given the wife/mother that I seem to be better at than my wife is.
That is curious. Do you, perchance, have any females in your ancestry? That could explain it!
Bruunwald, this is a bit tangential, but I take note of your wording and note that not once do you refer to the female gamers in your group as "women" (I just ran a CTRL-F to find it).
You refer to "girls"--a diminutive--and "ladies"--a term that is sometimes respectful (referring to a woman of high station), and sometimes patronizing (referring to a woman who is seen as delicate and helpless), depending upon context. In my personal experience, and take that as a grain of salt, I find particularly male gamers tend to use "ladies" when they're trying not to piss women off, and therefore the usage has come to make me suspicious. Likely, not rightly so, but that is where I sit at the moment. (I also admit, I've always hated being called a "lady," which goes back to childhood issues not worth going into here.)
Please correct and enlighten me as to your usage. I also have to wonder why you entirely eschew using the term "woman," which is both neutral but yet easily acknowledges a female gamer's maturity/adulthood (assuming of course, we are not talking about 12 year olds).
As for your commentary, I don't know if you read my post above, but I noted that the the complexity of RPGs makes them able to appeal to a multitude of brain types. I think we agree there. I am surprised that all the women gamers you know tend not to be interested in the rules. I've been in fairly mixed gaming groups my whole life, and many of the most clever rules afficionados and tinkerers were women, and likewise some men more interested in story than rules tweaking (though of course I've also seen the opposite in both cases as well--really, the point is it runs the gamut). I wonder what other factors are at work, like region and generation (or if it's just coincidence).
Women "aren't into" gaming the same reason they "aren't into" math and engineering.
Note: The reason isn't in their brains.
Why don't women go into gaming? Maybe because people tell them their brains are too weird to handle it. That isn't a huge selling point, you know.
Hmmmm
Anecdotal evidence and nothing more. Not that his evidence is less anecdotal.
Just remember: Personal experience doesn't have to be representative.
That depends if you gather enough of it to become a statistically significant sample or not, really. By and large though, as the years have passed, I have seen more girls getting 'into' gaming. I think that's a good thing - partly because they are often more pleasant to look at across the table, and partly because a game that can appeal to both sexes has double the potential market.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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First of all, whatever accusations of chauvinism we'd like to imply on the part of our founder for whatever extraneous tables he might have included in early editions (having read a lot about the man, I think it's safe to give the benefit of the doubt and assume this was another attempt at inclusion of all things he perceived as medieval), the fact of the matter is that male and female brains are, proven by scientific method and modern instruments, different.
Bruunwald, I keep up with the literature for this kind of stuff professionally, and that's news to me. How are they different: in terms of chemistry or in terms of size of some region or another? Given a neurotypical brain, how would you determine its sex?
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Kyrt-Ryder: gaming immersion:
As I've perceived it, guys in general have much more experience with video games than girls do growing up. Geeky guys are much more likely to get related toys and other geeky family members/friends introducing them to D&D and fantasy related books, etc. Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.
Yucale – Why don't you start talking about gaming with one of these guys – and make it clear you know what you're talking about. Ask what edition they play, and if they're running an AP or a home-game. Bring a set of dice in a dice bag & a miniature and offer to play a cleric or a bard. D&D parties can always use more clerics & bards! (Though you may be getting yourself into a sterotype)
Removed some posts and their replies. Please keep this on-topic and civil.
There also is a limited degree of truth to differences in the brain, simply because D&D is very math oriented, and more males than females lean towards such. It's also why you see more females in game systems that are not so heavy on the rules. Of course, there's still plenty of women who like math, and men that don't, that's just the natural brain tendency at work.
While I agree that there are natural differences in brain chemistry between men and women, I am not at all convinced that these differences have much effect on either gender's ability to do math. If there are such differences, I should point out that several studies have shown that women are actually better at doing simple arithmetic than men are, so I doubt that some simple addition, subtraction, and multiplication would deter most women from playing.
On the other hand, I would agree that there are social stigmas that discourage women from getting involved in both mathematics and roleplaying games. However, I think that these are more cultural, rather than biological.
Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.
Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
Bruunwald, this is a bit tangential, but I take note of your wording and note that not once do you refer to the female gamers in your group as "women" (I just ran a CTRL-F to find it).
You refer to "girls"--a diminutive--and "ladies"--a term that is sometimes respectful (referring to a woman of high station), and sometimes patronizing (referring to a woman who is seen as delicate and helpless), depending upon context. In my personal experience, and take that as a grain of salt, I find particularly male gamers tend to use "ladies" when they're trying not to piss women off, and therefore the usage has come to make me suspicious. Likely, not rightly so, but that is where I sit at the moment. (I also admit, I've always hated being called a "lady," which goes back to childhood issues not worth going into here.)
Please correct and enlighten me as to your usage. I also have to wonder why you entirely eschew using the term "woman," which is both neutral but yet easily acknowledges a female gamer's maturity/adulthood (assuming of course, we are not talking about 12 year olds).
As for your commentary, I don't know if you read my post above, but I noted that the the complexity of RPGs makes them able to appeal to a multitude of brain types. I think we agree there. I am surprised that all the women gamers you know tend not to be interested in the rules. I've been in fairly mixed gaming groups my whole life, and many of the most clever rules afficionados and tinkerers were women, and likewise some men more interested in story than rules tweaking (though of course I've also seen the opposite in both cases as well--really, the point is it runs the gamut). I wonder what other factors are at work, like region and generation (or if it's just coincidence).
Umm...Does this mean I shouldn't have hyped my all-girl game a page or so back? Because I've been calling it that since college(interestingly enough, my women's studies professor was happy I was doing it, which intrigues me because she was opposed to almost everything else I did).
Umm...Does this mean I shouldn't have hyped my all-girl game a page or so back? Because I've been calling it that since college(interestingly enough, my women's studies professor was happy I was doing it, which intrigues me because she was opposed to almost everything else I did).
No, not necessarily. The particular context struck me as odd in his post, is all, which is why I asked him about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with the world "girl" in and of itself (I use it all the time myself). When certain words are used to the exclusion of others, however, I do notice.
Also, please let me take the opportunity to clarify something: I am not offended by bruunwald's post. I don't think he said anything wrong. His diction simply puzzled me, so I asked him to explain. That's all. If my tone indicates otherwise, it is accidental and due to my poor ability to communicate via Internet text.
Umm...Does this mean I shouldn't have hyped my all-girl game a page or so back? Because I've been calling it that since college(interestingly enough, my women's studies professor was happy I was doing it, which intrigues me because she was opposed to almost everything else I did).No, not necessarily. The particular context struck me as odd in his post, is all, which is why I asked him about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with the world "girl" in and of itself (I use it all the time myself). When certain words are used to the exclusion of others, however, I do notice.
Also, please let me take the opportunity to clarify something: I am not offended by bruunwald's post. I don't think he said anything wrong. His diction simply puzzled me, so I asked him to explain. That's all. If my tone indicates otherwise, it is accidental and due to my poor ability to communicate via Internet text.
AH! Okay. Just so long as I didn't offend. And yeah, there's no voice inflection online, so things sometimes get muddled.
Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
Me too! Except I do like sports. And I was going to say that I don't have a female avatar, but ships are referred to as "she," aren't they?
Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
+1!!!!!!
Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
LOL, well I am a guy, and I'm not much into sports and beer, and cars to me are a necessity, not a extension to a part of me that usually stays hidden. But I'm very good at math and love gaming. I know gamers, male and female, who suck at math but love gaming.
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Make that +2. (Except I do like sports, but I'm an avowed non-alcholol drinker and for cars I'm mostly just interested in having one that works :P)+1!!!!!!Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
Yet I am a girl who never read Narnia, who does like sports, cars and beer... ok not the last one so much, I am more of a tequila girl cause it makes me flirty but that's for another thread some day.
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That sucks, but sadly not to surprising. There is certain age groups where boys want nothing to do with girls. That won't always be true though.
Have you considered looking for a online group? I know some people play using varies online programs and voice chat programs to run TT games online. That could be a option.
Kyrt-Ryder: gaming immersion:
As I've perceived it, guys in general have much more experience with video games than girls do growing up. Geeky guys are much more likely to get related toys and other geeky family members/friends introducing them to D&D and fantasy related books, etc. Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Yucale – Why don't you start talking about gaming with one of these guys – and make it clear you know what you're talking about. Ask what edition they play, and if they're running an AP or a home-game. Bring a set of dice in a dice bag & a miniature and offer to play a cleric or a bard. D&D parties can always use more clerics & bards! (Though you may be getting yourself into a sterotype)
I actually talk about gaming with one of the guys every PE class (because we both think PE is boring as all h***), and health class, and occasionally in Lit. or Language Arts, and a few sentences during break. The other guys won't talk to me... I already know they play Pathfinder/3.5 in a homebrew campaign that has very little continuity. I mainly talk about DMing, since I haven't played a PC in a while, and my min/maxing sister, and it should be evident from the conversation that while I'm not a rules lawyer, I've been DMing for over a year and know what I'm doing.
I've brought my rulebooks and dice to school, and actually played with my all-girl group about fifteen feet away from them during lunch.
I've asked to join the group and, yes, offered to play a cleric to pretty much any other class. The guy who will actually talk to me has said that if there's an opening in the party, I could join, but hasn't said anything else about that afterwards. I'm pretty sure he has no problem with my joining, but the rest of the group is still suspicious of me.
One of the main reasons men like to keep women out of 'masculine' activities is the nagging fear that they will turn out to be very good at it. They are probably intimidated by your awesomeness.
Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
ACK!!! Don't like beer?!?! Blasphemy!!!!!
Yet I am a girl who never read Narnia, who does like sports, cars and beer... ok not the last one so much, I am more of a tequila girl cause it makes me flirty but that's for another thread some day.Make that +2. (Except I do like sports, but I'm an avowed non-alcholol drinker and for cars I'm mostly just interested in having one that works :P)+1!!!!!!Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Hey! I read the Chronicles of Narnia, and I'm as manly as the next guy! Granted, I don't like sports, cars, or beer, and I have a female character for an avatar, but that's entirely beside the point. :-P
Kyrt-Ryder: gaming immersion:
As I've perceived it, guys in general have much more experience with video games than girls do growing up. Geeky guys are much more likely to get related toys and other geeky family members/friends introducing them to D&D and fantasy related books, etc. Geeky girls get books. About things like horses and Little House on the Prairie & Chronicles of Narnia. And make-up and hair & girl toys.Yucale – Why don't you start talking about gaming with one of these guys – and make it clear you know what you're talking about. Ask what edition they play, and if they're running an AP or a home-game. Bring a set of dice in a dice bag & a miniature and offer to play a cleric or a bard. D&D parties can always use more clerics & bards! (Though you may be getting yourself into a sterotype)
I actually talk about gaming with one of the guys every PE class (because we both think PE is boring as all h***), and health class, and occasionally in Lit. or Language Arts, and a few sentences during break. The other guys won't talk to me... I already know they play Pathfinder/3.5 in a homebrew campaign that has very little continuity. I mainly talk about DMing, since I haven't played a PC in a while, and my min/maxing sister, and it should be evident from the conversation that while I'm not a rules lawyer, I've been DMing for over a year and know what I'm doing.
I've brought my rulebooks and dice to school, and actually played with my all-girl group about fifteen feet away from them during lunch.
I've asked to join the group and, yes, offered to play a cleric to pretty much any other class. The guy who will actually talk to me has said that if there's an opening in the party, I could join, but hasn't said anything else about that afterwards. I'm pretty sure he has no problem with my joining, but the rest of the group is still suspicious of me.
See, to me, that's just nonsensical. Even thinking back to HS and all my issues with girls at the time(I was distrustful of the average girl), I wouldn't just keep someone away from a game that I truly enjoyed on dint of their sex alone. Maybe it's not so much of a boy's club as it is a "me and my friends only" club? I have certainly encountered that over the years, and I have been guilty of that type of thinking myself.
See, to me, that's just nonsensical. Even thinking back to HS and all my issues with girls at the time(I was distrustful of the average girl), I wouldn't just keep someone away from a game that I truly enjoyed on dint of their sex alone. Maybe it's not so much of a boy's club as it is a "me and my friends only" club? I have certainly encountered that over the years, and I have been guilty of that type of thinking myself.
I'm kind of leaning this way myself. There was a girl in our D&D group when I was in high school and no one really had a problem with that.
Now we where sometimes kind of dicks with her (making her uncomfortable when we really should not have) and there was a scene where my mother basically told her and one of the other guys to 'go upstairs this does not involve you two'. and then my mother proceeded to rip the rest of us a new one because we were acting like jerks to the girl in the group.
All that said it never went so far as to actually exclude her - I think this may be partly an immature boy thing and partly that these guys in particular are being a-holes above and beyond what is normal for insecure young males.
See, to me, that's just nonsensical. Even thinking back to HS and all my issues with girls at the time(I was distrustful of the average girl), I wouldn't just keep someone away from a game that I truly enjoyed on dint of their sex alone. Maybe it's not so much of a boy's club as it is a "me and my friends only" club? I have certainly encountered that over the years, and I have been guilty of that type of thinking myself.
I'm kind of leaning this way myself. There was a girl in our D&D group when I was in high school and no one really had a problem with that.
Now we where sometimes kind of dicks with her (making her uncomfortable when we really should not have) and there was a scene where my mother basically told her and one of the other guys to 'go upstairs this does not involve you two'. and then my mother proceeded to rip the rest of us a new one because we were acting like jerks to the girl in the group.
All that said it never went so far as to actually exclude her - I think this may be partly an immature boy thing and partly that these guys in particular are being a-holes above and beyond what is normal for insecure young males.
Mom rage is never good. What did you guys DO?!?
The guy who will actually talk to me has said that if there's an opening in the party, I could join, but hasn't said anything else about that afterwards. I'm pretty sure he has no problem with my joining, but the rest of the group is still suspicious of me.
Hmmm...have you offered him a seat in your girls game? He sounds alright and maybe you could pick up a new player.
Mom rage is never good. What did you guys DO?!?See, to me, that's just nonsensical. Even thinking back to HS and all my issues with girls at the time(I was distrustful of the average girl), I wouldn't just keep someone away from a game that I truly enjoyed on dint of their sex alone. Maybe it's not so much of a boy's club as it is a "me and my friends only" club? I have certainly encountered that over the years, and I have been guilty of that type of thinking myself.
I'm kind of leaning this way myself. There was a girl in our D&D group when I was in high school and no one really had a problem with that.
Now we where sometimes kind of dicks with her (making her uncomfortable when we really should not have) and there was a scene where my mother basically told her and one of the other guys to 'go upstairs this does not involve you two'. and then my mother proceeded to rip the rest of us a new one because we were acting like jerks to the girl in the group.
All that said it never went so far as to actually exclude her - I think this may be partly an immature boy thing and partly that these guys in particular are being a-holes above and beyond what is normal for insecure young males.
Razz her mainly. Pretty much the locker room humour guys do to each other all the time. Except, since she was female, she never really played back and, much worse, when she was around it was like all we did was razz her instead of heaping the abuse equally out among the whole group.
So it finally got to a point that she could no open her mouth without one of five guys (well four really - one of the guys never did this to her or any one else) twisting her words into something gross or sexual or both. Because we often played at my house Friday and Saturday nights my Mom figured out what was going on and stepped in. Generally we were a lot better about it after that actually. I'm not really sure even we had realized what we were doing and once it was pointed out how hurtful we were being we felt guilty about it.
This is a quote from Gary Gygax on the style of his Gord the Rogue series and the female characters portayed within.
Gygax: As I have often said, I am a biological determinist, and there is no question that male and female brains are different. It is apparent to me that by and large females do not derive the same inner satisfaction from playing games as a hobby that males do. It isn't that females can't play games well, it is just that it isn't a compelling activity to them as is the case for males.
So how about it female and male players? How many of you women were dragged into this hobby by your significant others? Does the game tend to descend to a locker-room atmosphere? The modules?
We never had girls game with us until we got into college, but in doing so I found the game became far more compelling. Women brought a variation in the responses you could expect from players that I never saw before, and I found the whole game took on a different direction.
However, I have also been in campaigns where the women sat back bored and mostly ignored what was going on. Why? Because the GM just didn't figure out how to engage them.
It is imperative that a good DM/GM know his players and understand how to engage them. What might appear to be a "bad roleplayer" may actually be a great roleplayer stuck with a DM that doesn't understand them. Women are different then men, but that doesn't mean men can't be good GMs to women (and vice-versa).
My suggestions:
1) Relationships: Not "boy-friend; girl-friend". Relationships between characters and NPCs is important to women. Men are perfectly happy ordering their minions into certain doom, but a woman will probably not just command their henchman to leap off a cliff. Women expect the GM to put some effort into developing the NPC personalities, and expect the other players to have more than 1 dimensional meat cleavers for characters.
2) Story: No "the dragon needs to be killed" will be good enough for a woman (in my experience). There must be a good reason for the character to get involved. Give them a good story.
3) Violence: Women don't usually believe that violence solves everything. They may resort to it when all else fails, but they will usually try other tactics first.
4) Stereotypes: Belive it or not, most players like stereotypes. The "Dour dwarf", the "Nature Loving Elf", the "Happy Halfling" are all perfectly acceptable characters. Why? Because having stereotypes is what makes having non-stereotypical characters fun. Just in this way, don't try too hard to not let women play stereotypes. If she wants to be a "damsel in distress" then let her. If she wants to be a "seductress sorceress" let her. However, if she insists that her character is nothing of the sort don't force her to be. On the other hand, women are used to fighting stereotypes and if the region the characters are in assumes certain stereotypes of women, don't pull the punches just to be PC. It will be just that more satisfying when the character proves them wrong.
5) Romance: Some women really like it, and you shouldn't forget it because it makes you "uncomfortable". If you're a good Roleplayer than you can introduce romance into the story without being mocked by the other players. You must, though, decide on some guidelines. At what point will the romance become a "downtime" event? Will you allow flirting with PCs/NPCs? Will you allow descriptions of romantic interludes? Will you cut it off when it gets "R-Rated"? My suggestion is yes. Don't go that far, or it does become uncomfortable for everyone. MOST of all, remember to keep it In Character. Just because the Handsome Knight and the Sensuous Sorceress are having a torid affair, doesn't mean Sally really like Harry. Sally may be married to Bob. Bob may not be comfortable with any of this, and his feelings should DEFFINATLEY be taken into consideration. Don't do anything that upsets the real people. The characters are just that, stories in a book. Don't forget that and you'll be fine.
Other advice:
Read a romance novel or two. Nothing too torrid, but a bodice ripper may just give you some insight to the expectations of the female fantasy roleplayer. Don't focus on the intimate scenes, but pay attention to how much story there really is.
Most men can enjoy a few pages of such stuff before their eyes roll back in their heads and they pass out. Women will often read book after book after book of what seems to be the same story but with slightly different characters. HOWEVER, men will read a fantasy novel that is almost exactly like the last fantasy novel he read, and insist it was TOTALLY DIFFERENT!
THAT is the difference between men and women in gaming.
At least, in my experience.
In the end, women want the same thing men want out of gaming:
A chance to imagine themselves living in a fantasy world doing things that they only read about in books. They want to have fun acting this out with their friends, and not feel like total dweebs doing it. They want it to be taken seriously to some degree, but in the end just be a game.
Girls just want to have fun :P
Ken