Had an interesting game this evening in which the character's hometown was attacked by a number of minor fiends.
After repelling the attack, the PCs (not having the proper knowledge skills to have any idea what the attacking creatures were) went on a red herring side quest into the "Goblin Wood" nearby. Knowing that goblins made regular raids on their town, they got to thinking that maybe they had begun to step up their game with some kind of transformative magic.
The small forest, being infested with goblins, it wasn't long before they came upon a patrol of six of the green-skinned miscreants. Knowing that they couldn't hope to sneak up on them with the dwarven paladin in full plate, the party split up. The sorcerer and fighter flanked the goblins while the paladin moved straight in as a distraction/bait.
In mere moments the dwarf had become surrounded by the little goblins, who were all pulling their loaded bow strings (except for one who seemed to have forgotten his arrows at home--though he still pulled his bowstring back very threateningly).
The goblins began to discuss whether or not they should eat him and in what manner. The thing was, the dwarf could not speak goblin, but the flanking characters could. It went something like this:
G1: Should we eat him?
G2: Yes. Look at me. I'm just wasting away.
G3 (no arrows): Maybe we should take him back to the chieftain?
G4: *shoots G3 dead* Nope. We're going to eat him. I'm hungry!
G5: But I don't like dwarf! They're too tough and get stuck in my teeth.
G6: Should we boil him in a pot?
G1: No. Let's roast him on a spic!
G2: How about we...
At that point the two flankers moved in cutting down two of the goblins while the dwarf cut down another. G6 responds by dropping his bow, quickdrawing his shortsword, hamstringing G5 and bolting into the trees to hide.
The party sorcerer blasted G6 dead with a magic missile as it tried to hide behind a tree far too narrow to conceal it. Then the dwarf smashed the ham-stringed goblin with the broadside of his axe, knocking it out with nonlethal damage.
The party tied it up and healed it back to consciousness. Due to his battered face, they opted to name it "Squishy."
The poor goblin came to, saw that he was surrounded and simply began screaming...and screaming...and screaming until the sorcerer jammed a dirt clod into its mouth causing it to choke. Squishy spit out the dirt and in rapid-goblin-speak begged, "Please don't eat me! I'm small! And all skin and bone! Possums are much better eating! I can show you where a family of them live so long as you promise not to eat me!
Fighter: (in goblin) Shut up. We're not going to eat you.
Squishy: *begins to cry* Please don't hurt me! I didn't want to eat you! I didn't want to eat anybody!
Fighter: We just want to ask you a few questions.
Squishy: Quest-ons? (clearly not understanding the meaning of the word)
Fighter: *sighs* We want to talk to you.
Squishy: *begins to perk up* Oh? Talk? Yes. Yes. I can do that! I'm good at talk! Did you know there is a family of yum-yum possum over the...
Sorcerer: Shut up. Do you know of any red, horned creatures with wings and barbed tails? (describing the fiends that attacked the town)
Squishy: Oh yes. Yes I do.
Fighter: Where are they?
Squishy: There's one right there *points past the PCs*
*Party spins around drawing weapons ready for another fight, only to see a harmless bird up on a tree branch*
Squishy: Yep-yep. That one's got wings. There's also rams with horns by the big rocks, porcupines in the burrows with barbs, and...
Fighter: Shut up. *sighs* That's not what we meant. Can you at least tell us where your tribe is at? Maybe your chieftain can tell us something?
Squishy: Yes.
Fighter: How far away is your tribe?
Squishy: *thinks hard, which seems painful* That way! *points*
Fighter: But how far? If we walked that way how many times would the sun pass overhead before we reached him?
Squishy: five-four-seven-two-eleventy-one...?
Sorcerer: He clearly can't count.
Fighter: Don't know what I was thinking with that one.
Sorcerer: If you take us to your tribe, I will give you wings like that bird.
Squishy: *beaming with joy and hopping excitedly despite being tied down* Really!? Really really!? I've always wanted to be a bird! They're so yummy!
Sorcerer: Yes. I shall grant you wings so you can be a bird. Lead the way.
*The party unties Squishy and puts him in a Gollum-like rope harness.*
[Squishy and the party survive a few random encounters]
A few hours later, the party of four come across a tribe of goblins, which ambush them from the ground and from the treetops with their deadly arrows.
Before many can respond the sorcerer blasted a third of the goblin archers out of the trees with a well-placed fireball.
Two goblin dogs rushed out of the brush and flanked the dwarf while the fighter returned fire taking out many of the treetop snipers.
Many of the enemy goblins attempted to shoot Squishy (shouting "traitor!" and "I never liked him anyways!"), all of whom missed due to poor rolls. Squishy shouted back "Not this again guys! Don't ya know you can't hit me?" --obviously oblivious to the fact that his tribesmen were trying to kill him (again).
Many of the goblins on the ground swarmed the dwarf paladin, but none could get through his full plate or past his shield--son one of them through feces into his visor, blinding him long enough for them to get a few good shots in. A few goblins grabbed burning branches that had caught from the fireball and threw them back at the sorcerer, taunting all the while. One goblin attempted to squish the fighter by pushing his comrade out of a tree and onto the fighter's head below.
A minute later, all of the goblins were dead (except for Squishy) and the PCs searched the bodies for clues as to how they might have brought about minor fiends (such as spell components). By the time they had finished (finding nothing) Squishy had come out from behind a tree with his rope harness having been modified to fit a tree branch and several goblin bones that now stuck out of either side of it. From this wide frame hung several palm fronds, making it look like an extremely crude set of wings.
"I took you to friends so now I can fly now! Yes?" Squishy screamed excitedly.
"Yes, yes you can fly now." *sorcerer casts the fly spell on Squishy and lets him go*
Squishy takes off soaring through the air with loud "wheeeees" and "whooooohoooooos" and "hahahahahah! I'm a bird!"
When the spells duration was near its end, the PCs began to encourage squishy to fly higher and higher, until he was but a tiny dot in the sky. Then the spell ended.
Squishy was so high up, the soft fall effect ended long before he made it to the ground. He fell straight through the forest canopy (screaming in joy the entire way), broke his neck on a tree branch, and got caught in several vines, becoming suspended forever more like some kind of ugly bird flying through the trees (with a broken wing).
The party gave up on their red herring and moved on.
The side quest made quite an impression on my players, so I wanted to share it with you. Squishy the bird goblin and the s+@&-faced dwarf, in particular, will be remembered for a LONG time to come in our group me thinks.
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FlySchool transmutation; Level sorcerer/wizard 3
Casting Time 1 standard action
Components V, S, F (a wing feather)
Range touch
Target creature touched
Duration 1 min./level
Saving Throw Will negates (harmless); Spell Resistance yes (harmless)The subject can fly at a speed of 60 feet (or 40 feet if it wears medium or heavy armor, or if it carries a medium or heavy load). It can ascend at half speed and descend at double speed, and its maneuverability is good. Using a fly spell requires only as much concentration as walking, so the subject can attack or cast spells normally. The subject of a fly spell can charge but not run, and it cannot carry aloft more weight than its maximum load, plus any armor it wears. The subject gains a bonus on Fly skill checks equal to 1/2 your caster level.
Should the spell duration expire while the subject is still aloft, the magic fails slowly. The subject floats downward 60 feet per round for 1d6 rounds. If it reaches the ground in that amount of time, it lands safely. If not, it falls the rest of the distance, taking 1d6 points of damage per 10 feet of fall. Since dispelling a spell effectively ends it, the subject also descends safely in this way if the fly spell is dispelled, but not if it is negated by an antimagic field.
EDIT: Just noticed that you specifically mentioned the soft fall, and that Squishy was so high that it didn't really matter.
My question: did the dwarven paladin encourage Squishy to fly higher along with the rest? Cos...not really paladin-esque behavior. Hell, it's not really paladin-esque even if he simply ignored that the others were encouraging Squishy towards his death.
Don't be such a stick in the mud! Don't you know Rule of Funny?
Awesome post!