Congratulations! This little bugger made it to the Top 16! Looking forward to what you do next!
Jason:
First of all, congratulations on making it to the Top 16. I thought I would wait until after the voting for Round Two ended before offering any commentary or advice. And I'm going to come at it a little differently, in that I'm not going to focus primarily on your design this round. Rather, I'm going to have a go at examining your entire portfolio to this point to sort of assess what you've done well, where you could shore up a few things in your overall design and writing, and then give you some more pointed advice on stuff you could showcase in future rounds to maybe improve your chances of going all the way to the end. So, with that in mind, here goes:
Looking back at your Round One wondrous item, I thought the bracelet of smoke and mirrors was a somewhat weak name. And the Caltrop Golem isn't necessarily super-inspired, but I think it's a spot-on accurate choice. Why? Because I know what a caltrop looks like visually. I know what golems generally look like visually. And, when I put the two words together, my mind starts conjuring up all kinds of possibilities on what an artist's rendition of that might look like. So kudos in that respect. I don't know if you consciously chose the Caltrop Golem name to serve up that level of visual inspiration...or if you just lucked into it. Regardless, it works for me...and well enough that I spent one of my votes on your creation.
Now, having said that, I'm still not completely sold on your writing. It doesn't flow as well as I'd like...and I see a lot more passive voice in your Caltrop Golem description than I saw in the wondrous item round. I think you still need to work on refining that. Your ideas so far have been your strong suit. But the descriptiveness and presentation of those ideas through your writing could take it up a few more notches. So keep editing and refining until you get it polished well enough that it flows and reads like something straight out of a published product and I think you'll set yourself up better for future rounds.
In addition, from a mechanics perspective, your bracelet of smoke and mirrors left a lot of unanswered questions for the reader. So, I don't think you've demonstrated your rules-fu to a level that voters can take a high degree of confidence in it. Therefore, Round Three could really help you if you can put together a flawless stat-block and explanation for the various powers and special abilities you select for your monster. This means, you really need to stand out both in your knowledge of the rules as well as your descriptive writing and grammar. But then, everyone at this point in the competition needs to do the same.
Best of luck,
--Neil
Congratulations! Though you did not get my final vote, this was a strong entry and a strong candidate for me.
Visual: 8 Charisma
Creativity: 18 Intelligence
Would I use it: 14 Dex
Overall: 16 Strength
I really like the concept, hurting the golem hurts you: just like a caltrop should. Hurt it too much and it slows you down. I think the creativity in the critter is logical, inspired, and well thought out. I found the description a little ho hum, but I would definately want my PCs to face these in any wizards lair.
Good job and good luck in future rounds!
I do plan on making some clarifications and posting my version of the stat block, but not until round 3 voting is over. I thank you all again for your feedback, especially you Neil. I hope I can live up to the faith many of you have shown in my ideas in round 3 and beyond.