I've seen that--but only through the prism of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
That's the second film - the one where you don't get to see Oliver Reed's beer gut in glorious technicolour.
Why, I'm not sure. The same spirit of devil-may-care adventure that led Drake to circumcise the globe and Morgan to sack Pamela, perhaps.
Woopsie, guess I never saw it after all.
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Happily, I don't deal with customers.
Always a win.
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I can and have dealt successfully with customers, but I was always happier (and much more efficient) in the back, working the special orders desk.
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The only customers I can safely work with are publishers/editors receiving my freelance writing...
Happily, I don't deal with customers.
Heh. My mom specialized as an OR nurse rather than any other form of nursing because she preferred the patients unconscious. This apple did not fall far from the tree.
"Nurse, the patient is waking up!"
"I'll take care of that" *thump*
Something like that.
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Neutral Good Dwarf Fighter/Wizard (4th/3rd Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 15
Dexterity- 11
Constitution- 15
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 14
Charisma- 15
Alignment:
Neutral Good- A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.
Race:
Dwarves are known for their skill in warfare, their ability to withstand physical and magical punishment, their hard work, and their capacity for drinking ale. Dwarves are slow to jest and suspicious of strangers, but they are generous to those who earn their trust. They stand just 4 to 4.5 feet tall, but are broad and compactly built, almost as wide as they are tall. Dwarven men value their beards highly.
Primary Class:
Fighters- Fighters can be many things, from soldiers to criminal enforcers. Some see adventure as a way to get rich, while others use their skills to protect the innocent. Fighters have the best all-around fighting capabilities of the PC classes, and they are trained to use all standard weapons and armor. A fighter's rigorous martial training grants him many bonus feats as he progresses, and high-level fighters have access to special melee maneuvers and exotic weapons not available to any other character.
Secondary Class:
Wizards- Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (32)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (24)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXX (9)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXX (4)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Chaos --- XXXXXX (6)
Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
Neutral - XXXXXX (6)
Evil ---- XXXXX (5)
Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Elf ------ XXXX (4)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - XXXXXX (6)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXX (7)
Half-Orc - XXXXXXXX (8)
Class:
Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (-2)
Cleric ---- (0)
Druid ----- (-4)
Fighter --- XXXX (4)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-21)
Ranger ---- XXXX (4)
Rogue ----- (-2)
Sorcerer -- (0)
Wizard ---- XXXX (4)
Odd. At least I'm a Dwarf.
*shrug*
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So essentially you are a Dwarf Magus.
Pretty good stats for one.
*band head on desk* :)
Pretty good stats for one.
I wonder if they applied the racial mods in the final numbers?
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That's the second film - the one where you don't get to see Oliver Reed's beer gut in glorious technicolour.
Why, I'm not sure. The same spirit of devil-may-care adventure that led Drake to circumcise the globe and Morgan to sack Pamela, perhaps.
O_o
"circumcise the globe"!?
Ummm, I think you may have meant circumnavigate.
....or not.........
I could be wrong; I have been drinking.
That's the second film - the one where you don't get to see Oliver Reed's beer gut in glorious technicolour.
Why, I'm not sure. The same spirit of devil-may-care adventure that led Drake to circumcise the globe and Morgan to sack Pamela, perhaps.
O_o
"circumcise the globe"!?
Ummm, I think you may have meant circumnavigate.
....or not.........
I could be wrong; I have been drinking.
Don't you need a mohel and a rabbi for that?
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Present on all English privateers of the 16th century, of course.
The Mohel is coming up to retirement age, and his wife and family are having a tough time thinking of a suitable present for him. Then, Mrs Mohel remembers all the foreskins he's collected over the years. Inspired, she collects them all up and takes them along to a leatherworker.
"Alright", says the leatherworker upon seeing the small mountain of prepuces. "I'll see what I can do. Come back in a week"
Sure enough, Mrs Mohel comes back in a week. She walks into the shop, goes up to the counter, and the leatherworker hands her a wallet.
"WHAT?", she yells. "45 years' worth of foreskins and all you can give me is this wallet?", but the leatherworker replies,
"Yeah, but if you rub it it turns into a suitcase"
Hey, I heard there's foreskin jokes goin' on in here.
I approve.
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I learned 2 new words yesterday Murdochracy and Rupocrat.
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I learned a new word yesterday, too. Panjandrums.
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I didn't learn any new words yesterday, but I did have my works Xmas party, which was the first one I've ever enjoyed, since it involved attractive fellow co-workers booty-dancing with self. And I waxed my moustache, but no-one noticed.
Colleague: ...And of course, the most delicious meat is the flesh of man!
Me (after some thought): Eating hobbits wouldn't technically be cannibalism, would it?
Colleague: Er, no...
Me: I bet they'd taste quite nice, too. They eat a lot and don't do much.
Colleague: Yeah. Elves wouldn't, though. All tough and stringy.
Me: Mmm. They live on sunshine and acorns, though, so what do you expect? And dwarves would be revolting!
Colleague: Right. After all, all they eat is meat, and they live in the dark!
Me (excitedly): Let's start a hobbit farm!
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** spoiler omitted **
You should totally submit this to Not Always Working and maybe win something in their latest giveaway.
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I started a new campaign on Sunday that I am provisionally calling Kingpinmaker as it revolves around a couple of halfling gunslingers trying to take over the illicit substance market in Pezzack.
My players whined and cried and I let them start at 6th-level.
The party is:
Brother Makao, half-orc monk from the Sanctuary of Shazam
Giles O. Beck, human rogue
Esmerelda Abandawax, halfling bard
Barbie Ragnarock, "human" slayer
Genny, halfling gunslinger
and her older brother who doesn't have a name because his player was de-bedbugging his parents' house and didn't come to the first game.
I am mildly upset that I've had to give up my wonderful 4e wizard, who I'd based on a cross between Jeremy Irons in the first D&D movie and Dastardly, due to Hitting Other Sweaty Men With Nylon Swords (or HEMA, if you prefer) starting up again, but never mind.
I've still got a Tiefling bard; female Tiefling art (or all the art I could be bothered to find) is verrry cheesecakey, and it is slightly odd to have your imaginary bosoms become one of the main themes of the campaign. No doubt there are people who have to deal with that sort of thing all the time in reality.
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So my group is finally getting in on Runelords.
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I started a new campaign on Sunday that I am provisionally calling Kingpinmaker as it revolves around a couple of halfling gunslingers trying to take over the illicit substance market in Pezzack.
My players whined and cried and I let them start at 6th-level.
The party is:
Brother Makao, half-orc monk from the Sanctuary of Shazam
Giles O. Beck, human rogue
Esmerelda Abandawax, halfling bard
Barbie Ragnarock, "human" slayer
Genny, halfling gunslingerand her older brother who doesn't have a name because his player was de-bedbugging his parents' house and didn't come to the first game.
I can't wait to read the recaps on this adventure. Hey Doodlebug when we getting lunch next?
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**Anklebiter, your people need you!
[Puts out an apb for Shalelu, anti-goblin bigot and pointy-eared biznitch.]
G-man, they changed my shift while I was on vacation, so lunch is pretty much out of the question Monday through Thursday. Fridays are still free, but not this Friday, alas.
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My group is FINALLY getting off the island in Serpent's Skull. It was getting to the point where I (the GM) was sick of the island. I need to go blame Cosmo.
So, I chose Pezzack because the first module I'm going to run is From Shore to Sea. Did a little reading on Pez, and I was like, "Woah, I didn't know there was a Galtan-inspired revolutionary city in Cheliax!" I started making up stuff and the day before the game my hetero life partner was like, "Did you see Towns of the Inner Sea?" (or whatever it's called) which made things a lot easier.
I rewound the clock to two years before the siege and started with Brother Makao stepping onto the docks in his orange Shaolin robes and being a handed a flier for a performance of Amalia Wraxton's latest hit opera Abrogail II at the Glass on the Hill Theater.
The title role was performed by Esmerelda Abandawax who, alas, is kind of a lackluster actress. But she nailed the arias and even rolled a Nat 20 on the flute solo. The military governor and the high priest of Asmodeus (with his daughters) were in attendance and they grew more and more angry as the play went on. It probably didn't help that Genny pegged the High Priest in the head with her empty noodles wrapper.
Anyway, they stormed out of the theater, the crowd went wild, and all of the PCs rushed backstage where they joined in an afterparty with absinthe, politics and flayleaf. Genny ran into a rival drug dealer, a tiefling named Brucks, who gave her a free dose of a new hallucinogen called "iced tears."
The party got all kinds of inebriated and, as the after party started winding down, Genny invited the party members back to her brother's bar to continue the night.
But, on the way, they were jumped by three undercover agents of the Inquisition who were on their way to bump off Esmerelda. One of them even turned out to be a barbazu, but the party, despite various forms of inebriation were able to take them out.
The next morning, Genny's brother went out and heard the scuttlebut on the street that the Inquisition was looking for Esmerelda and a half-orc in orange robes (the only two party members who were observed by passers-by) and he told them to get out of town until things blew over. He gave them directions to a "campsite" operated by a friend.
When the party got there, it turned out to be a still for "denner's resin" (a drug from the Patrick Rothfuss books) and they found all the still workers ripped to pieces. Further stealing from Rothfuss, I had the party fight a denner's resin-addled chimera. They kicked its ass.
Anyway, both of those fights were to see what the party could do with 2 gunslingers and no spellcasters (other than a bard). Well, one of the gunlslingers didn't make it, but they beat down the chimera no problem, but had difficulty with the barbazu due to his damage reduction. Good to know.
Next game, I'll get them on the road to Blackcove and start the prepublished module, which I hope will be awesome.
due to Hitting Other Sweaty Men With Nylon Swords (or HEMA, if you prefer) starting up again, but never mind.
Delayed reaction: You've mentioned sword-fighting a whole bunch, Limey. What gives? With how many weapons are you capable of killing a filthy pinkskin? Details, please.
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Well, it'll be a long time until I turn into a crumpet-fuelled Whirlwind of Death (or a death-fuelled Whirlwind of Crumpets. I hope), but the answer is probably two or three - military sabre, longsword (used two handed, but not a greatsword), and regular sports fencing sabre, though that's not actually a weapon. Still, it bloody hurts if someone whacks you somewhere unprotected with it. Also have a scimitar, since the techniques are similar in some ways to sabre (as far as I can see - no manuals to speak of, though there are some neato tulwar videos on Youtube). Will no doubt come in handy when the zombies come, since we're not allowed guns over here.
I hear cricket bats and New Order 12"s will work in a pinch.
Possible Lurking Players of Mine, Get Out!
Other than Craft (dolls)--which he's spent skill points on--anyone know of any good voodoo doll rules? I don't see anything with a quick glance through the Boards and the PRD. But I am getting tired...
Thanks in advance!
Well, it'll be a long time until I turn into a crumpet-fuelled Whirlwind of Death (or a death-fuelled Whirlwind of Crumpets. I hope), but the answer is probably two or three - military sabre, longsword (used two handed, but not a greatsword), and regular sports fencing sabre, though that's not actually a weapon. Still, it bloody hurts if someone whacks you somewhere unprotected with it. Also have a scimitar, since the techniques are similar in some ways to sabre (as far as I can see - no manuals to speak of, though there are some neato tulwar videos on Youtube). Will no doubt come in handy when the zombies come, since we're not allowed guns over here.
Ooohhh. When do I get to see this? I'll even bring crumpets. I have fenced, BTW, though it's been awhile. As I seem to recall, boobs are sensitive. Very sensitive. And if someone really comes at you, those teeny little aluminum satellite dish things are for shiznit.
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Thank you, G-man!!, but no further work is necessary. The Black Goblin has all of those.
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Please forgive me using this thread as scrap paper, but throwing down these unfinished notes for my new character in an online Wrath of the Righteous campaign.
Doodlebug Anklebiter, the Goblin Who Wants to Be a Paladin
AL: ?
Male Goblin Rogue 1
Size: Small (3'6", 45 lbs.)
Age: 7
S 13 D 18 C 13 I 12 W 7 C 14
Armor Class: 19 Touch: 16 Flat-Footed: 15 (Lamellar armor)
Comeliness: (Hmmm, I was hoping to be hawter than that)
Hit Points: 10
Initiative: +4
F +1 R +6 W -1
BAB +0 CMB +0 CMD 14
Attacks:
Bola-- +5 1d3+1 x2 10' non-lethal, trip
Blowgun (20 darts)--+??? 1 x2 20'
Sling (20 bullets)--+5 1d3+1 x2 50'
Cestus--+2 1d3+1 19-20x2
Dogslicer-- -2 1d4+1 19-20x2
Battle aspergillum--+2 1d4+1 x2
Spiked gauntlet--+2 1d3+1 x2
Skills: Acro +6 Bluff +6 Disable Device +7 Perception +2 Profession (Torturer) +2
Ride +7 Stealth +14 Use Magic Device +6
Feats: Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Bolas
Goblin Features: Small, Fast, Darkvision 60', Skilled
Languages: Goblin, Common
Rogue: Sneak attack +1d6
Trapfinding
Traits: Advantageous Distraction, ???
Equipment:
Paladin's Kit, soldier's uniform, ice skates, fire carrier, 2 jars of goblin pickles, 5" rubber ball, pack of cards, pair of dice, kite, air bladder, teapot, pony named ???
** spoiler omitted **
Thanks!
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Yadyadyadswords
Ooohhh. When do I get to see this? I'll even bring crumpets. I have fenced, BTW, though it's been awhile. As I seem to recall, boobs are sensitive. Very sensitive. And if someone really comes at you, those teeny little aluminum satellite dish things are for shiznit.
Most of the lady fencers I've spoken to have said the same thing. They do make these moulded sort of body armour things (exactly like breastplates, if you'll excuse the pun) - not sure how much use they are, though, and you get hot enough wearing all your regular gear without having to be strapped into a solid wodge of high impact plastic as well.
Also, I think DA's pony is going to be called
Wouldn't it be helpful if we all chipped in with suggestions!
Hee hee!
Am considering it, comrade.
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Woot!
It turns out we're starting Wrath of the Righteous at 2nd level and I've got 900 more gold to spend on my Goblin Who Wants To Be a Paladin!!
Woot!
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Awesome I am curious to see how that turns out.
Also how did the other stuff work out?
On another note I am getting ready for Total Con. I spoke with the wife and I have the day. She will take care of the grandkids. I am looking forward to seeing you and Patrick and getting in some serious gaming.
I haven't been to The Black Goblin's house yet. I looked through Amby's links and made some notes, but because of ingrained laziness, I am going to point them out to the player and make him do all the hard work.
Thanks again!
Re: Total Con--I invited another poster, Grimmy, and he said he's down if he's got the day off work.
Hitdice, if you're reading this, Iron GM! Last February in Saturday, you've got plenty of time to ask for the day off!
I should get in touch with Friend Set as well.
Not far enough, sez I!
Heya. Hope it's okay if I post here.
If not, just say so and I won't post further.
Of course you may!