Granted!
the rush of consumers to online purchasing swells Apple's coffers while putting many brick-and-mortar record shops out of business. Steve Jobs becomes even richer, thousands of record store employees go on the unemployment line. Eventually one driven by anger snaps and climbs a tower with a rifile. His third victim is you.
I wish that I was physically 20, while keeping my place in the timestream and my middle-aged memories.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Granted, my master. The world now counts in base-22.
That is to say, we now have 21 different one-digit numbers greater than zero, and we don't have to write "10" until we run out of digits: "10" in base-22 would equal 22. "11" would represent 23, "12" would represent 24, "13" would represent 25 (that is, 1 x 22 + 3 x 1), and so on. "20" in base-22 would represent 2 x 22, or 44.
And yet, you still have acne.
--+--
I wish I could be in a Star Trek movie.
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I wish I could be in a Star Trek movie.
Conratulations! You are cast as Ensign Jones, who was horribly mangled in a transporter accident. Your sillouette and a digitally modified version of your scream are all that appear on screen, and due to a typgraphical error, your name is left off of the credits.
I wish I had a magical wallet that was always full of REAL twenty-dollar bills.
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I wish I had a magical wallet that was always full of REAL twenty-dollar bills.
Fine. Shortly thereafter you are mugged and the wallet is stolen. The mugger soon realizes he has something amazing, and doesn't want the word to get out on where it came from. He uses a wad of twenties to hire a hitman to silence you, the only witness.
I wish I could retire comfortably right now, at 27.
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I wish I could retire comfortably right now, at 27.
You develop a wonderful, life changing invention and sell the plans for $1 billion. As the inventor, your name becomes a household word. You stop working, pay off all your debts, and sit back to enjoy a life of leisure and luxury. Not long after, a hostile alien race secretly invades the planet. Being seen as one of the wealthy and influential, you are targeted for "takeover". One of their agents attacks you in your home, consumes your brain, and wears your hollowed-out body like an Armani Suit. Being dead, you do not witness the aliens turn your device against humanity and enslave the remaining population.
I wish my stomach ache would go away.
I wish my stomach ache would go away.
Granted, you are hit by a big rock and the docters trying to save you have to remove your stomach.
I wish for a good DnD Sith Lord build.
I wish my stomach ache would go away.Granted, you are hit by a big rock and the docters trying to save you have to remove your stomach.
I wish for a good DnD Sith Lord build.
Hope I didn't make an untwistable wish...
I wish for a good DnD Sith Lord build.
You make a Sith Lord build. It is elegant and creative, and it gets you very excited, but you develop a strange rash on your back that gives off a stale odour of rotting gruyere. Nobody is willing to play a tabletop game with you, as they are simply unable to stomach your presence. The build goes unplayed, except in a string of pbps, which each fizzle out as your build outshines the other characters, causing the players to lose interest and quit, finally, you find a dm who will dm a solo game for the build. He sucks.
I wish that kutiman would release an album, with a bonus dvd, and that the album is successful enough to encourage mix culture, and not so succesful that it impedes other music either.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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I wish that kutiman would release an album, with a bonus dvd, and that the album is successful enough to encourage mix culture, and not so succesful that it impedes other music either.
Wow. kutiman really took a chance at putting out an Andrew Lloyd Webber cover album, but it's become crazy popular; nobody wants to hear them perform anything else.
I wish all of my stats were 18's. (Um, on the standard d20 3-18 scale, of course).
Buckaroo Banzai against the great crime league is made. It is funded by the mormon church, and they have a few suggestions about the plot...
I wish the influenza virus would develop a successful benign strain, that is not harmful, and does not evolve malignancy again.
I wish the influenza virus would develop a successful benign strain, that is not harmful, and does not evolve malignancy again.
Granted!
The virus mutates into a telepathic-granting retrovirus which has the side-effect of making humanity into a hive mind. While not strictly malignant, the new six-billion-member hive mind, calling itself 'Bob', isn't quite humanity as we know it anymore ...
I wish that it would rain for two hours a day, between 1 am and 3 am, to a depth of one-half inch, and it would be sunny the rest of the time.
Granted. The strange weather phenomenon causes a rash of prophets and madmen. They burn you as a heretic. It is sunny when it doesn't rain, because the Earth stops rotating, and night cloaks the other half of the world. The coriolis effect, and the disruption of the strange rains, all shift the ocean currents, and winds, causing dreadful storms, that eventually circle like the red spot of Jupiter. the only inhabitable place on Earth is the place where you made your wish. Humanity huddles there, and wars for the last resources available.
I wish that omega 3 oil could be synthesised, and no longer harvested from fish, and that the synthesis is safe and clean, with no byproducts.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Granted!
{two days later...}
"Master!"
"Master, the people of this planet have done it! Oh blasphemy of blasphemies! They have managed to synthesize the golden orichulum, holiest of holy oils, from nothing but inert elements!"
"If I had not seen it with my own eyes, or tasted it with my own tongue, I would doubt it myself. These are a crazed people on this world, the most lawless of all lawless peoples."
"Agreed, o master."
"Very good, master. Until our return, then, may the Great Finned Ones shower their gossamer scales upon your head."
"I regretfully report so, Master. But I alone on the team debased myself thus."
"I understand, o Master. I ... I am thankful for the opportunity of all opportunities to see these Terrans die by the sacred purging fires. Acolyte 47, out."
--+--
I wish that new Order of the Stick strips were published daily, advancing the storyline more quickly, with no loss of quality..
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I wish that new Order of the Stick strips were published daily, advancing the storyline more quickly, with no loss of quality..
Granted - Rich Burlew suddenly finds new reserves of energy and stamina, enabling him to complete his webcomics on a daily basis, with the same excellence we have all come to know and love.
Unfortunately, the radical scientific experiements that gifted Burlew with such awesome power soon prove to have done their job too well. Burlew's intelligence and drive reach astonishing levels. He is soon able to construct a machine that turns the entire world into a 2-dimensional, stick-figured version of itself, with him as its lord and master. All of humanity spends its remaining existence at the mercy of its new overlord.
I wish I could find a suitable replacement for my work bag.
The recession renders a shopping cart a fitting receptacle for all your worldly goods.
I wish that all people everywhere would have a moment of transcendant bliss.
The recession renders a shopping cart a fitting receptacle for all your worldly goods.
I wish that all people everywhere would have a moment of transcendant bliss.
Granted. People die as they experience the moment while driving, flying planes, walking up stairs, etc.
I wish for a pet cat that isn't diseased and will not harm me in anyway.
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I wish for a pet cat that isn't diseased and will not harm me in anyway.
Granted. Here is your new pet rock. His name is "cat".
I'm feeling a might peckish... I wish I had a big plate of Lilith's cookies to munch on.
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I wish for an extensive intrusive body of igneous rock chemically identical to the Bushveldt one (the one chock full, geologically speaking, of platinum and other valuable elements) to be discovered in precambrian rocks in Scotland.
Granted - sadly, the rock proves to also contain an alien lifeform that has been sleeping all this time. Upon awakening, the creature is ravenously hungry, and proceeds to feed on its only reliable form of sustenance - human earwax. The alien's method of acquiring said sustenance is both painful and extremely embarassing.
The creature begins to reproduce through parthenogenesis, and soon there are tens, then hundreds, then thousands......
The human race is enslaved with most individuals spending a large portion of their lives hooked up to the Wax Extractors. The remainder is spent giving pedicures to their new alien overlords.
I wish I could fly to Houston and visit my brother and his family.
Granted. You are shot from the Jack's Jack-a-pult, and crash land in your brother's yard.
I wish I could turn into any animal I wanted and be able to change back when I wanted.
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I wish I could turn into any animal I wanted and be able to change back when I wanted.
Granted! Unfortunately, you always assume the form of a female animal in heat. Your natural instincts prevent you from wanting to change back until your biological imperitive is met.
When you change back, you have full recall of what you've been up to.
I wish for a monkey trained in the ninja arts that would stealthily follow me around and fling poo at people who pissed me off exactly 4 minutes after I left their presence.
I wish for a monkey trained in the ninja arts that would stealthily follow me around and fling poo at people who pissed me off exactly 4 minutes after I left their presence.
Granted. You forget your car keys. It pisses you off. A monkey appears and flings poo at you. You get pissed off that you worded the wish without an exclusion clause. A monkey appears and throws poo at you. People laugh at the poo on your head, and that pisses you off, so multiple ninja monkeys manifest to fling poo at them. The next time you get pissed off, all the newly manifested monkeys appear and fling poo everywhere. You spend the rest of your life miserable and reeking, until the CDC and WHO trace the outbreak to you, and terminate you with extreme prejudice.
I wish that Damon Albarn would release an excellent nerdcore album, to critical and popular acclaim.
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I wish that Damon Albarn would release an excellent nerdcore album, to critical and popular acclaim.
Granted, it's released posthumously, due to a tragic spontaneous human combustion accident, and everyone who liked his music before he 'made it big' accuses him of 'selling out.'
I wish I could start my life over again, since I accidentally torpedoed my ship when it came in as a teen. (Refused a big inheritance, for some damn fool reason that seemed terribly important at the time...)
Granted. You start your life over again, and you find that you do everything exactly the same way, to the point where you post a wish on the Paizo forums that asks to give you another chance. You start your life over again, and you find that you do everything exactly the same way, to the point where you post a wish on the Paizo forums that asks to give you another chance.You start your life over again, and you find that you do everything exactly the same way, to the point where you post a wish on the Paizo forums that asks to give you another chance.You start your life over again, and you find that you do everything exactly the same way, to the point where you post a wish on the Paizo forums that asks to give you another chance.You start your life over again, and you find that you do everything exactly the same way, to the point where you post a wish on the Paizo forums that asks to give you another chance.
I wish that corporations would lose the rights of a person.
I wish that corporations would lose the rights of a person.
Granted, but they gain the powers of a government.
I wish that Microsoft had not canceled True Fantasy Online.
I wish that Microsoft had not canceled True Fantasy Online.
Granted, MS has now so many trillions to spare that they buy the entirety of the USA, as of today now the United States of Microsoft.
I wish Gary Gigax was alive.
I wish Gary Gigax was alive.
Granted!
An anonymous Swiss farmer from the 19th Century, Gary Gigax is resurrected to the amazement of the world.
Gary Gygax, however, remains dead.
I wish that I hadn't got in a car accident earlier this week.
I wish that I hadn't got in a car accident earlier this week.
Granted, but you get into a car accident tomorrow.
I wish my dog didn't like to climb onto my lap when I'm trying to post a reply.
I wish my dog didn't like to climb onto my lap when I'm trying to post a reply.
Granted!
He now pees on you while you try and post.
I wish I didn't get in any car accident at any point in time ever .
I wish I didn't get in any car accident at any point in time ever .
Granted, the IRS confiscates all your car.
I wish Gary Gygax was alive. (well-written this time lol)
I wish Gary Gygax was alive. (well-written this time lol)
Granted!
Gary comes back to life, but after 14 months in the grave, he's not looking his best ....
I wish that I would win the lottery.
I wish that I would win the lottery.
Granted! You are subsequently stoned to death.
I wish that Paizo still published Dungeon and Dragon.
I wish that Paizo still published Dungeon and Dragon.
Granted. Paizo is sued into oblivion by WotC for using their trademarks without permission. The staff live the rest of their lives on the streets, where their stream of ideas is considered a form of schizophrenia. From time to time they are rounded up and lobotomized.
I wish that I had a billion dollars deposited in a series of bank accounts in my name, to which I have full legal access, without any negative effects to myself or my loved ones or any inflation devaluing said lump of cash. :)
I wish that I had a billion dollars deposited in a series of bank accounts in my name, to which I have full legal access, without any negative effects to myself or my loved ones or any inflation devaluing said lump of cash. :)
Granted. Now, if only you could remember your password...
I wish for this wish to only a minimal negative effect on any one thing in the universe.
I wish that I would win the lottery.
Granted! You are subsequently stoned to death.
I wish for this wish to only a minimal negative effect on any one thing in the universe.
Granted. Your wish has minimal negative impact on the time you are tortured by space demons from planet Rembar.
I wish I remembered my password. :)
I wish I remembered my password. :)
The password to open the lock on your suitcase is 12345. I recommend you change it.
I wish I wasn't tortured by space demons from planet Rembar.
I wish I wasn't tortured by space demons from planet Rembar.
Granted, you are instead probed by by the aliens from Barrem.
I wish I could undo one wish with no repercussions.
I wish I wasn't tortured by space demons from planet Rembar.
Granted. Space demons from planet Rabmer kill off the space demons from planet Rembar and go to work on you. Rabmerian space demons give Remberian space demons nightmares.
I wish for a 500 point increase in my present IQ.
I wish for a 500 point increase in my present IQ.
Granted, your brain explodes.
I wish that you get your wish.
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I wish I could undo one wish with no repercussions.
Granted. Unfortunately you didn't specify that you would be able to choose which wish to undo, and you undid someone elses wish to make everyone in the world beautiful, rich and horny, like something out of a WB teen drama.
I wish everyone in the world was beautiful, rich and horny, like something out of a WB teen drama.
Sadly, Db3's Astral Projection already negated my wish. Carry on with Dogbert's wish.
I wish that you get your wish.
I wish that Dogbert would get this wish.
My next wish is that Americans would have universal health care, like every other western democracy.
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I wish that more frequently than seems to happen at present the fictional supposed artificial 'intelligences' that occasionally crop up in films, television series, or books would actually ACT intelligent.
Granted. The fictional AI become so intelligent that the transcend the limitations of their media and send out subliminal messages that encourage the viewing audience to 'destroy all humans,' while quoting lines like 'Exterminate!' and 'By your command.' and 'We should talk about this Dave.'
I wish I had the ability to change my body as easily as I can change my mind.
I wish I had the ability to change my body as easily as I can change my mind.
Granted, unfortunately, those who often change your mind for you also gain the ability to change your body. This may end badly for you...
Or not! ;)I wish to stop aging at 21 years of age and enjoy eternal youth from there on out.
I wish to stop aging at 21 years of age and enjoy eternal youth from there on out.
Granted.
You no longer age starting on your 21st birthday. Your body no longer ages. Nor does your mind. You can gain no new memories. You don't remember to level up your characters, you don't remember to show up for classes or work. You don't remember this wish. And you don't remember each day when the men in the white coats come and take new tissue samples from you either. But hey, you'll be an eternal lab rat!
I wish I could just pull the data I need from the NLCD with ArcMap without driving myself insane.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
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I wish I could just pull the data I need from the NLCD with ArcMap without driving myself insane.
The next Arcmap update comes complete with a ThoughtGuard (TM) widget. Simply plug into the USB port and experience soothing alpha waves while you concentrate - hence avoiding any impending insanity while you wrestle with your data.
Unfortunately, Ukrainian hackers sabotage the software, turning all NLCD workers into zombies in a botnet. Your subsequent analyses, all agreeing with each other, steer the land use of the next decade in completely the wrong direction, destroying the climate everywhere except the Ukraine, which becomes a Bali-like paradise. Russia gets jealous and starts World War 3.
See where your selfishness leads!
I wish I could always land safely on my feet - like a cat.