SHOUTS! "Tim, Bob, Logan, I still need your answers to this Happiness test."
1. "If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"
2. "If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
3. "If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel"
4. "Do robots make you happy?"
"In addition I need you to look at this" pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card "and tell me what you see"
"Let us get this Vend-o-bot filled,and get on to the next one."
"How is everyone?""Please answer the questions with full emotion"
"If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"
"If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
"If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel"
pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card
"What do you see?"
"I'm fine. Do I look fine? I feel fine. How are you?
"Am I killing this commie during a mission, or have I been designated as executioner?"
"What am I allowed to do to them? Aren't there some forms of execution that are beyond my security clearance?"
"Did I fail the mission because I wasn't good enough, or was it due to interference from commie-mutant-traitors?"
"It looks like a happy face. Is it a happy face? What do you see?"
"Another question troubleshooters, answer honestly..."
"How do Robots make you feel?"
"What sort of robots are we talking about? There are lots of varieties..."
Hygiene Officer's Report (to the group and entered into PDC):
Horton: Presentable and showing adequate hygiene. Administered treatment: Hair combing; inspection of potentially unsightly mole on the left side of the neck; generous dose of STA-Fresh breath spray, super-mint.
Boris: Presentable and showing adequate hygiene. Administered treatment:Anti-wrinkle porta-iron applied to jumpsuit for unsightly wrinkle; generous does of STA-Fresh breath spray, fresh algae formula. 5 credit fine for flinching during ironing.
Bob: Presentable and showing adequate hygiene; slight toejam odor from left foot. Administered treatment: Sonic footscrub; hair combing; single dose of STA-Fresh breath spray, fresh-waxed floor flavor.
Logan: Adequate hygiene, signs of rash, untraceable foul odor. Administered treatment: Various unguents applied to rashy area (unsure of actual effectiveness...no immediate change); vigorous scrubbing with moist towelettes; generous dose of STA-Fresh breath spray, special Teela-O bubblegum flavor, to mouth and anus. 5 credit fine for confusing hygiene officer.
GM, PDC entry:
smiles and glares at Tim with furious happiness... twitch twitch
"It would make me happy if you answered the questions from this happiness test WITHOUT asking a question as the answer, your answers are NOT ANSWERS, THEY ARE QUESTIONS! NOW, ONE WORD ANSWERS PLEASE!"
Tim cringes under the Happiness Officer's verbal assault, then stands to attention, fixes a large smile on his face, and answers:
Q: "If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"
A: "HAPPY!"
Q: "If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
A: "KILL!"
Q: "If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel?"
A: "SAD!"
pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card
Q: "What do you see?"
A: "HAPPY!"
"EXCELLENT!"
"WHAT ABOUT ROBOTS!?!?!?! DO ROBOTS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN A ROBOT RUNS OVER YOUR FOOT?!?!?!"
1. "If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"2. "If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
3. "If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel"
4. "Do robots make you happy?"
"In addition I need you to look at this" pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card "and tell me what you see"
"Oh boy! I love tests!" Logan beams. "I'm really good at tests.
1. Ha! A trick question! Everyone knows that Happiness is mandatory.
2. Ha! Another trick question! Whoever killed us is not only dead, but blown to bits. There is nothing left to do to him.
3. Ha! Another trick question! Everyone knows that Happiness is mandatory.
4. Ha! These are all trick questions! Everyone knows that Happiness is mandatory.
Logan films the Roa-R-SHK test. "Hmmm... I see... Success! WHOO!! Go team!"
pulls out PDC
Taps some keys, looks at Logan, taps more keys
TO PDC:
moves closer to Logan's face and whispers
To computer:
"Your zeal has been duly noted, Citizen Boris, and your great service tot he computer will be rewarded. Now let's unnnn..."
<Looks around.>
"They must have repainted."
<"And what's that smell?.>
Citizen Boris that information is above your security clearance. Have a nice day.
Boris
You have three kinds of pills to give out.
Yellow= general feel good happy pills
Red= feel good happy pills that give you a kick (speed)
Blue= feel good happy pills that mellow you out when you're a little too crazy.
While inspections are being administered and surveys conducted, the two orange guards at the entrance to the Dev Y institute watch with great amusement.
Assuming you are ready to enter, Horton presents them with his certificate and the doors open. You each go through carrying your box of happy shapey chippies.
Beyond is a wide hallway. With administrative type offices on either side. The hall doesn't go far before ending at a "T" intersection. Taking a left seems to lead to classrooms and lecture halls while turning right takes one to the cafeteria.
pops a blue pill
"Now, if Logan will answer my final question, and Bob answers my questions, I think I will be able to file my report and administer happiness to all"
"To the cafeteria brave citizens."
You head towards the cafeteria. As you enter you see that it is a busy place. There are many red citizens sitting and eating. Some of them look like they are busy studying intently.
You scan for vending machines and you soon see one. The wall opposite the door, is one giant vendobot.
It doesn’t cover the wall; it is the wall. Imagine a vending machine big enough to carry entire meals, then stretch it to fit a 10-meter wall. The vendobot has almost every conceivable
food available for YELLOW Clearance or lower on large metal poles. The slot near the floor is even big enough for a citizen to crawl through.
There is a fairly lengthy line up of citizens waiting to scan their ME cards and punch in the codes for the items they want.
The citizen currently at the vendobot keypad area looks quite perplexed and the people in line seem to be getting impatient with her.
SHOUTS! "Tim, Bob, Logan, I still need your answers to this Happiness test."
1. "If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"
2. "If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
3. "If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel"
4. "Do robots make you happy?"
"In addition I need you to look at this" pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card "and tell me what you see"
1. More happy than I can say!
2. I'd shove my laser pistol up their a*cough, cough*, ahem, so far up it touches their brain, then blow it off.
3. I would be less happy.
4. I love robots almost as much as I love The Computer
It looks like the pure unrefined love Friend Computer has for us all, as long as you aren't commie scum."
GM:
Bob
Your contacts reply- "There likely won't be much of use for our project in a tech services training facility, but keep you eyes open for fellow Pro Tech members. There are known to be several Pro Tech members working for Tech Services. Watch out for Frankies are your team. We still believe their is at least one, and if the mission involves bots they will likely do anything they can to sabotage it.
4. I love robots almost as much as I love The Computer
gets a funny look in his eye, and leans in closer to Bob
"And how much is that Citizen Bob-R-DTE?" hold PDC up to Bob for the answer
...
"I'm hungry. This is great! Let's eat."
"What? It's time to eat? Team Leader? Good, food makes me happy, happiness is mandatory, shall we get in line?"
Boris
4. I love robots almost as much as I love The Computer
gets a funny look in his eye, and leans in closer to Bob
"And how much is that Citizen Bob-R-DTE?" hold PDC up to Bob for the answer
** spoiler omitted **
Boris
** spoiler omitted **
4. I love robots almost as much as I love The Computer
gets a funny look in his eye, and leans in closer to Bob
"And how much is that Citizen Bob-R-DTE?" hold PDC up to Bob for the answer
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **
"What? It's time to eat? Team Leader? Good, food makes me happy, happiness is mandatory, shall we get in line?"
"That's why we came," Horton says through his ridiculous grin.
"I wonder what's holding up the line."
<Horton seems to have completely forgotten the mission.>
"WHAT ABOUT ROBOTS!?!?!?! DO ROBOTS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN A ROBOT RUNS OVER YOUR FOOT?!?!?!"
"YES! PASSIONATELY!!! PAINFULLY PASSIONATELY!!! TECHNOLOGY CAN DO NOTHING BUT MAKE OUR LIVES EASIER!"
"Aren't we supposed to be inspecting the vending machines, Team Leader? We have a pass. We could probably just go right to the front of the line."
Tim fumbles with his box, shaking it slightly.
"I wonder how many bags of chippies are in each box? I love Happy Shape Chippies."
"Aren't we supposed to be inspecting the vending machines, Team Leader? We have a pass. We could probably just go right to the front of the line."
"Oh, yeah, pass, mission...."
<He turns to the team.>
"Okay men, we need to open and check this machine for traitorous meddling. I'll get us through then you guys inspect the machine. I'll do a final check when you're... unnn. When you're done."
<Lifts the pass above his head then starts pushing into the line.>
"Coming through. Vendebot refilling. Happy shapey chippies coming through."
pops a blue pill
"Now, if Logan will answer my final question, and Bob answers my questions, I think I will be able to file my report and administer happiness to all"
Logan smiles happily. "Everything I said was truth. Nothing was a lie or propaganda. Fact: There is nothing left of whoever killed our predecessors, so I can't do anything to him. Fact: Regardless of the circumstances, happiness is STILL mandatory."
Pushes the box of chips along with his foot while typing into his PDC, oftentimes violently, muttering to himself and smiling
Amendment: ACK now Logan is wanting to torture people, that's just not right for normal citizens!!!
End of Report
2. Ha! Another trick question! Whoever killed us is not only dead, but blown to bits. There is nothing left to do to him.
"What if someone dropped a grenade through a hatch in the elevator and killed us all..." hmmm?
Bob cheerfully carries his box of algae chips to the vendor-bot.
pulls out his happiness pills kit
"Here are the pills I am assigning to you based uppon the happiness test I administered"
Horton: 3 Red pills
HORTON:
Logan: 1 yellow happy pill eye twitches You passed with flying colors citizen Logan"
Tim: 2 Blue pills and 1 Yellow Pill
TIM:
Bob: 1 Red, Yellow and Blue pill
Tru: 1 Red Yellow and Blue pill
Loudly
"Remember Team, Happiness is Mandatory!"
Louder
"Even if you fail the computer on a mission...Be Happy, as you will have another chance to serve the computer, even in failure, you will be useful to the computer!"
Loud enough to be heard in the entire cafeteria
"Even in Death, when your body is minced into little bloody bits in the food vats, you will continue to be usefull to Alpha Complex!!! I'm sure our last clones are being eaten right now...perhaps by these very citizens in this very room!!!" "SO BE HAPPY!" "ALL HAIL THE COMPUTER"
GM:
GM:
2. Ha! Another trick question! Whoever killed us is not only dead, but blown to bits. There is nothing left to do to him."What if someone dropped a grenade through a hatch in the elevator and killed us all..." hmmm?
"If that is the case, then I would torture him until he tells us who he is working for. Then I'd blow his brains out. All while smiling happily, of course." Logan smiles happily.
raises an eyebrow
"OK then citizen Logan, here have 2 blue pills to calm down your perverse ideas"
LOGAN:
<Horton takes his meds.>
"I don't feel anything.... Let's eat.
*Takes pills*
"We have to stock the algae chips first, Team Leader Horton."
Access PDC: Mission Report:
*Takes pills*
"We have to stock the algae chips first, Team Leader Horton."
"Oh, right."
*Twitch, twitch*
<Endorphins begin blasting through Horton's bloodstream as the happy pills (speed) takes effect. Horton's concentration improves a hundredfold and time slows down.>
"Completingthemissionisreallyimportantletsgettothefrontoftheline."
"GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!"
<Horton begins pushing people to the floor as he wave the certificate above his head. The last few he just throws out of the way.>
"OutofthewaypeoplewehaveamissiontostockhappytittiechippieswhichwealloveLOVE ...LOVE."
<Points to the access panel.>
"Okmenletsgo! GOGOGOGOGOG!."
<From the way he is glancing around it looks like he may break his own neck.>
<Mere seconds later.>
"Whatareyouwaitingfordon'tyoulovethecomputerslackers? GOGOGOGOGO!"
<Pulls out his PDC.>
"Youwantmetoputyourlazyassesonreport? GOGOGOGO!."
OOC:
I think you and I should wait a little bit now, the GM has a LOT to process...LOL
There are some angry folks as the Horton madly hurls himself through the crowd to the front of the line. The woman who was struggling to enter her order shrieks and runs out of the way- seeing Horton's wild eyed look.
As you get closer you can see that their is a rail in the machine to hold algae chips. It is currently partially full. You don't really know how to open the front of the machine. Though, there seems to be some kind of key hole near the console where you punch in your orders.
A large red citizen that was next in line seems particularly pissed off by your rudeness. He starts getting blustery and calls out.
"HEY THERE JERKOFF, I WAS NEXT IN LINE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
He doesn't appear to be armed.
OOC: there's my entire Happiness report I filed also...
gets in the Red citizen's face...really close
"We are here on the Computer's authority Citizen!" "NOW STEP ASIDE SO WE CAN DO OUR JOB!" FURTHER INTERFERENCE WiLL BE CONSIDERED TREASON!"
OOC: there's my entire Happiness report I filed also...
"HEY THERE JERKOFF, I WAS NEXT IN LINE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"YOUTALKINTOME? ISAIDYOUTALKINTOME?"
*Twitch*
<Holds the authorization in the guy's face upside-down. Simultaneously with Boris above, just way faster>
"OUTOFTHEWAYORI'LLHAVEMYMENTHROWYOUINTHEVATSCITIZEN!"
<Turns away from red citizen.>
"Fearless leader, is there a problem?"
"WhyyoutalkingsoslowTru? DOILOOKLIKEIHAVEAPROBLEM? WHATKINDOFPROBLEM? NOW! GetthatvendebotopenASAP! THATS:ASSOONASPOSSIBLE!"
*Twitch*
*Crrrrrrruuuuunnnnnch*
<The sound of Horton grinding his teeth is so loud that everyone can hear it over the shouting caused by his butting in line.>