Hi, I'm Trey, and I don't know much, but I do know stupid. I try my best to practice it throughout the day, both at work and at home, and, of course, here on the Paizo chat board. But I have to tell you, I'm starting to fear that my dreams of taking my stupid to the pro level are in danger.
Y'see, since I took up this perky little owl avatar to the left, archetypal associations have prompted some kindhearted folk to think I actually have some kind of idea of what I'm talking about. And that's a problem.
Being smart is hard work. Harder than I'm willing to work. So I'm hoping to reclaim the low esteem I feel I'm entitled to by coming up with some really incredibly bad ideas for the upcoming Pathfinder RPG. But I can't do it alone, and that's where the rest of you come in.
I know from reading the discussions on the alpha that you guys are smart. Really smart. But I also know that if they put in the wrong effort, reach down, and go for the bronze, even smart people can score some really dumb feats.
What do you say? No fair putting in ideas from people you don't agree with, like the sorcerers near the seashore. No, we are looking for truly spectacularly bad ideas, straight from your own heart of hearts.
For instance,
In PRPG, I want to see concept-powered magic, like the sin magic of the runelords, only instead of being powered by sin, I want it powered by puns, and the worse the pun, the stronger the magic. I want to see a castle that is protected not by a moat, but by a green lawn that is very difficult to breach because it is a magic sward. I want a lupine creature that is almost impossible to locate because it is a wherewolf. It can work for cursed items, as well. A Shakespearian-themed module could have a walking stick that at key moments, knocks its owner to the ground because it is a fall staff. And a well-informed adventurer could use Humor (Bad) to prepare for almost any BBEG by bringing along a simple cudgel, since the wurst monster in the dungeon is no more than truncheon meat.
I hope you will join me in this race to the bottom, but I hope that even if you don't, I have laid to rest the scurrilous rumors about my alleged wisdom, because they just aren't true.
All the wurst,
Trey
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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A terribly long time ago, I looked at some of the spelling errors in the original 3-book-with-supplements D&D, and took them seriously.
So we had the wand of lightening, which made things less heavy...
. . and the little mini-onions of Set running around the kitchen, sacrificing whatever they could to their dark master.
personally I would like to see a specific brand of sorcerer that gained powers similar to Inspector Gadget in the core rulebooks.
He would be bonded with a magical suit that changed his anatomy to do weird things...specifically a magical hat that turned into a magical helicopter to fly around with.
I recommend taking away these bloat mages and replacing them with "copter-mages"...fully equiped with springy hands and a wierd assortment of magical gizmos that spring forth from his person.
Each would automatically get a familiar-dog named Brain and would automatically get a little school-girl as a cohort.
According to Pathfinder #8, in the Leukodaemon entry (pg 81), in the "bleeding wastes of Abaddon" Apollyon sits on the "Throne of Files."
Which we all know is wrong, because Sebastian sits on that august seat. (Until September?)
Each would automatically get a little school-girl as a cohort.
What is this, a Woody Allen RPG?
As for art to go along with these "copter-mages"...here's a starting off point.
I hope this helps.
According to Pathfinder #8, in the Leukodaemon entry (pg 81), in the "bleeding wastes of Abaddon" Apollyon sits on the "Throne of Files".
So should we add bureaucracy to his domain?
Any who can pull off puns like that is all right in my
book. Your really on the the ball so to speak.You want to join the tribe.
We could use a new sage/jester.Lupin
Thanks for reviving the thread, Lupin, and everyone! I posted it a while ago on a slow night because (selfishly) I wanted to read some funny things, so I was trying to plant a seed. Nice to see it pay off. :-)
In the meantime, I have accumulated a few more bad ideas for inclusion into PRPG. The most recent is, why don't we set up some rules for monster funerals, you know, after we kill them and take their stuff, to show our appreciation that they sacrificed themselves so we could have fun. We could build cairns because there are always rocks around, and play some music that the monsters might have enjoyed before we killed them, and just share some memories of their particular uniqueness that they had before being hacked and blasted to bits.
I think it could really up the "feel-good" quotient of Pathfinder.
I think you should educate everybody on "stupid".
Being quite capable of the act of stupidity myself, most people think that stupidity is a singular trait that one person acquires via lack of hard work and practice. This is true, but the most choice form of stupidity requires numbers.
A brief and pointless history of stupidity:
Mobs Mobs are an oldschool form of group stupidity. Mobs are unthinking masses that are only capable of reaction and not reason. Mobs are one of the oldest examples of group stupidity. The reason the mob is so effective is because any chance of organization or decent thought is quickly trampled out by the majority in utter panic an mayhem, ensuring that stupidity is the letter of the day and nothing but. Be it getting run over by bulls, trampling bystandards at a sporting event, burning witches or combating armored vehicles with rocks...the mob is excellent for stupidity.
Meetings I believe this form of stupidity reached it's peak of popularity in the 80's but I'm not positive and am not about to look it up (correctly following the theme of this thread). The way the meeting ensures stupidity is quite excellent and is actually a form of magical transformation from smart to stupid.
Here's how it goes... you gather and listen to an idea from a person who has a well thought out concept on something. Then the "group" which most likely lacks the full understanding of this concept takes it as their own..then misinterprets, ignores, or changes many of the key parts of it. They then come to a consensus on their new "stupid" idea to replace the originally smart concept that was first presented, and cements it in stone. If anything goes wrong with that idea, then the person to blame is obviously the one who originally came up with it. This is basically how government works.
The internet
This is currently the most sophisticated way to enact stupidity known to man. You take both the choice parts of "mob and "meeting", inject blatant goofiness, and then broadcast it instantly all over the world. Not only does this stupidity take place and travel all over the globe instantly, but their is often a permanent copy for all to see for years and years so that which is most stupid can be referenced time and time again in a very haphazard sort of way.
The internet is a massive pathway of data that involves numerous companies, technologies, and talented people to both form and keep running....but since stupidity has been transfered so effectively on it, we credit Al Gore with it's creation.
In conclusion I think the best way to truthfully spice up the game is to add mobs, meetings, and the internet directly into the flavor of every game. I find no other way quite as effective.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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why don't we set up some rules for monster funerals, you know, after we kill them and take their stuff, to show our appreciation that they sacrificed themselves so we could have fun.
(uncomfortable shuffling....)
Actually, Trey, ...
I've played that character. Sedwig was a shaman (Complete Divine) who would, whenever possible, communicate with the spirits of the monsters we'd just fought. It was the way of his tribe:
- they would give thanks to the spirits of the food animals who sacrificed their lives so he could eat,
- they would speak with the spirits of fallen rival tribesmen, either humon or orc, congratulating them on a good fight and offering to testify for them before the gods if there was any question as to whether the fallen deserved a warrior's afterlife,
- they would ocaissionally complete simple tasks for th fallen, or send word to their people that they would not be returning home.
A couple of times, this respect for the dead actually paid off: speak with dead would garner some useful information, and once, we ran through a module that planned for the party to kill some bandits early on, and those bandits would rise as vengeful wights half-way through the adventure. Sedwig's respect kept that from occuring.
So, maybe, not so stupid?
I think the wizard class needs to be completely revamped. As is, it just doesn't live up to its name. For some reason, D&D wizards have always been based off wannabes like Merlin and Gandalf. But if you mention wizard to the average person on the street, what do they think of?
That's right! A giant head and a man behind the curtains! The Wizard of Oz!
The Pathfinder wizard should have his own little curtained-off chamber and a sound system allowing him to boom phrases like, "I am the great and mighty Oz!" Only then will a wizard truly be a wizard.
Now, about munchkins...
So, maybe, not so stupid?
Oh my God, so sorry, Chris, no, the way you present it, it's actually fantastic. Actually, I am going to pass it along to my girlfriend for consideration when we try to DM for her nephews.
The reason it occurred to me was when we started playing WoW, we didn't (and actually still sometimes don't) feel so ok about killing the monsters assigned to us by the quest givers. This ranged from wolves and owls (sorry, avatar) up to these beautiful frost dragons in the snowy areas. So I just kind of extrapolated out that discomfort into a more ham-handed approach than the cool stuff you are doing.
I don't think the significance of being able to craft the world (unlike in an MMO) has totally sunk in with us, so we will be feeling our way through for a while.
Also, anyone, when I am suggesting stuff, I am mostly making fun of things that pop into the head of a doofy noob (namely, me), please feel free to educate me a bit like Chris did. I'm hoping we can have fun, and really, really do not want to offend anyone, but sometimes humor can be a little chaotic.
Thanks again for your post, Chris.
In conclusion I think the best way to truthfully spice up the game is to add mobs, meetings, and the internet directly into the flavor of every game. I find no other way quite as effective.
grumblegrumblegrumble
Voice 1: David, Tuesday is not good for us! How about Thursday afternoon?! Are you free then?!
Voice 2: Do you have our telco information?! We are on LinkedIn or you can write on our Facebook wall!
Many voices: We look forward to showing you our Powerpoint presentation!
GRUMBLEGRUMBLEGRUMBLE
I think the wizard class needs to be completely revamped. As is, it just doesn't live up to its name. For some reason, D&D wizards have always been based off wannabes like Merlin and Gandalf. But if you mention wizard to the average person on the street, what do they think of?
That's right! A giant head and a man behind the curtains! The Wizard of Oz!
The Pathfinder wizard should have his own little curtained-off chamber and a sound system allowing him to boom phrases like, "I am the great and mighty Oz!" Only then will a wizard truly be a wizard.
Now, about munchkins...
And the wizard will wield a great deal of might, vulnerable only to pissed-off pigtailed Kansas farm girls.
Mobs really are a great source for stupid. As Terry Pratchett said: The IQ of a mob is equal to the IQ of the dumbest mob member, divided by the number of people in the mob.
I have some really great typoes - or speakoes, if you want (and, of course, I could never shut up about it, I had to mercilessly mock the people, till they cried, or more often, i.e. always, beat me)
"I cast mayor image"
"Mayor Image? That's a very specific spell, to look like the mayor. Or does it deal with a mayor's image? How the public sees him?"
"I cast beer's endurance"
"Beer's endurance, eh? What kind of beer? A small can, or are we talking about a litre Maß? Still doesn't have a lot of endurance on the Oktoberfest. One flourisch and it's gone."
This one's mine:
"I take my bow and turn the guy into a pincushion. 16 (5 damage) - 21 (7 damage!) - 15...."
"... wait, he already dropped."
"Oh, well then I shit on the other guy."
"Wha-"
"Whoa! Did I just say that? I didn't, did I? I though this only happens in text, or bad movies."
About stupid things to do:
One character (minotaur, of all things) had to hide some knowledge from his peers, so he had the brilliant idea of seeking some psionicist to modify his memory. That was in Sigil, and not only that, he went to the seediest district and chose the guy everyone said was a bastard.
Long story short, that psion messed up his mind big time, and made him buy some lust potion (not just love potion), and the minotaur started to drool and grunt whenever he saw a cow.
And I thought I was the only Al Jaffee fan! :)
Mobs really are a great source for stupid. As Terry Pratchett said: The IQ of a mob is equal to the IQ of the dumbest mob member, divided by the number of people in the mob.
That's an old saying for when mothers speak of boys getting into trouble.
Something to the effect of, "One boy, one brain. Two boys, one brain. Three boys, one brain."
Hey Trey, is that a burrow owl?
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And the wizard will wield a great deal of might, vulnerable only to pissed-off pigtailed Kansas farm girls.I think the wizard class needs to be completely revamped. As is, it just doesn't live up to its name. For some reason, D&D wizards have always been based off wannabes like Merlin and Gandalf. But if you mention wizard to the average person on the street, what do they think of?
That's right! A giant head and a man behind the curtains! The Wizard of Oz!
The Pathfinder wizard should have his own little curtained-off chamber and a sound system allowing him to boom phrases like, "I am the great and mighty Oz!" Only then will a wizard truly be a wizard.
Now, about munchkins...
They easy to get to get around. You just get a Kansas farm boy. Then you tell him he has to distract her. And let nature take its course.
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Hi, I'm Trey, and I don't know much, but I do know stupid. I try my best to practice it throughout the day, both at work and at home, and, of course, here on the Paizo chat board. But I have to tell you, I'm starting to fear that my dreams of taking my stupid to the pro level are in danger.
Y'see, since I took up this perky little owl avatar to the left, archetypal associations have prompted some kindhearted folk to think I actually have some kind of idea of what I'm talking about. And that's a problem.
Being smart is hard work. Harder than I'm willing to work. So I'm hoping to reclaim the low esteem I feel I'm entitled to by coming up with some really incredibly bad ideas for the upcoming Pathfinder RPG. But I can't do it alone, and that's where the rest of you come in.
I know from reading the discussions on the alpha that you guys are smart. Really smart. But I also know that if they put in the wrong effort, reach down, and go for the bronze, even smart people can score some really dumb feats.
What do you say? No fair putting in ideas from people you don't agree with, like the sorcerers near the seashore. No, we are looking for truly spectacularly bad ideas, straight from your own heart of hearts.
For instance,
In PRPG, I want to see concept-powered magic, like the sin magic of the runelords, only instead of being powered by sin, I want it powered by puns, and the worse the pun, the stronger the magic. I want to see a castle that is protected not by a moat, but by a green lawn that is very difficult to breach because it is a magic sward. I want a lupine creature that is almost impossible to locate because it is a wherewolf. It can work for cursed items, as well. A Shakespearian-themed module could have a walking stick that at key moments, knocks its owner to the ground because it is a fall staff. And a well-informed adventurer could use Humor (Bad) to prepare for almost any BBEG by bringing along a simple cudgel, since the wurst monster in the...
Piers Anthony much? Xanth needs your wit! Crewel Lye, Isle of View, I love the Xanth series....if you haven't read it you need to.
Piers Anthony much? Xanth needs your wit! Crewel Lye, Isle of View, I love the Xanth series....if you haven't read it you need to.
Believe it or not, I have never really read much fantasy humor, mostly I think, because it's hard to identify in the stores. I had no idea that Piers Anthony wrote in humor. All I've seen so far is Robert Aspirin's books, and (though I wasn't expecting it when I picked it up) the Cugel the Clever stories in Dying Earth. For some reason, I've never gotten to Pratchett, though I don't know why.
As for the puns, I'm afraid it's a family affliction I inherited from my father. It's not unlike lycanthropy, except not as many people feel sorry for you. :-)
Hey Trey, is that a burrow owl?
lol
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's
The Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are
You looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl."
I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick! Everybody knows
The burrow owl lives in a hole, in the ground. Why the hell do you
Think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?"
I've never gotten to Pratchett, though I don't know why.
I don't either. Go and buy his discworld book. Do it NOW. :P
Perfect example about what happens when someone thinks logically about all the illogical stuff that happens in fantasy worlds. Great characters, and most of them are not just parodies of fantasy tropes. The great part is that the stories themselves aren't humorous - sometimes there's nastier stuff going on than in other fantasy novels.
All this leads to stories you can laugh at, but you won't tire of them as they're more than just a string of jokes. The man's a genius. He should write for Pathfinder. ;-)
By the way, Trey, do YOU know, what the elves, are doing to our soil?
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I had no idea that Piers Anthony wrote in humor.Well there is two schools of thought about that. :)
His Xanth books are certainly filled with puns though.
The whole crux of the situation is whether or not you find puns to be funny. I find them mildly amusing. Piers Anthony is an excellent writer IMO, and the puns inject some light-heartedness into the series that I found oddly refreshing and different from anything else I have read.
In short, I enjoyed them immensely. Funny? Meh. Punny? Heck yeah.I would most assuredly recommend reading them if one likes puns.
Director of Narrative
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The 31st annual O'Henry Pun Off happened in Austin Saturday...
"There was a man who entered a pun contest and submitted 10 different puns, hoping that at least one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."
I've never gotten to Pratchett, though I don't know why.
I don't either. Go and buy his discworld book. Do it NOW. :P
seconded, Pratchett is a wonderful author, i think i managed to track down a copy of everything he's published for my collection. he's also one of the few that i have no hesitation in picking up a random book to reread at any given time.
I was a kid when I read Xanth and I loved it. I was even infatuated with Irene.
I was a kid when I read Xanth and I loved it. I was even infatuated with Irene.
Ogre Ogre is still one of my favorites. I keep a copy of it on the same shelf as my Conan and Elric novels.
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I had no idea that Piers Anthony wrote in humor.Well there is two schools of thought about that. :)
His Xanth books are certainly filled with puns though.
The whole crux of the situation is whether or not you find puns to be funny. I find them mildly amusing. Piers Anthony is an excellent writer IMO, and the puns inject some light-heartedness into the series that I found oddly refreshing and different from anything else I have read.
In short, I enjoyed them immensely. Funny? Meh. Punny? Heck yeah.
I would most assuredly recommend reading them if one likes puns.
Actually as a kid I found Xanth far more readable than I do today. I greatly enjoy Puns and found the Xanth puns amusing, but never really funny. And I guess I never really thought of Anthony as an excellent writer. He's a talented hack (using hack in the best sense of the word) but there's better.
I think Pratchet is far funnier as was Adams. I would also recomend some of Gordon R. Dickson's works - The Right to Arm Bears and his Hoka series especially I find funny.
Humor is so often a visual thing that it takes a lot of talent to really pull it off in literature.
Now, about munchkins...They're called gnomes :D
I think in PRPG there should be weregnomes, so that when the conditions are right, members of the 3.5e gnome player race turn into 4e gnome monsters. Best of both worlds!
seconded, Pratchett is a wonderful author, i think i managed to track down a copy of everything he's published for my collection. he's also one of the few that i have no hesitation in picking up a random book to reread at any given time.
I think I'm missing one - The Unadulterated Cat, but I have everything else. The two spacey novels were good too - Dark Side of the Sun and Strata.
I loved his (novel character's) explanation for why god never really manifested to mankind: It would destroy man. Man are arrogant bastards who work on the assumption that they're the greatest thing that is out there. They might believe in god, but they don't know he's there. If they got absolute proof, they'd plunge into depression and would never again get anything done.
I think in PRPG there should be weregnomes, so that when the conditions are right, members of the 3.5e gnome player race turn into 4e gnome monsters. Best of both worlds!
I demand a new gnome subrace: the garden gnome. They get the following special abilities:
Silly hat (Su): Garden gnomes may wear silly pointed hats. (There's nothing actually stopping other races from wearing silly hats, but only garden gnomes get to call it a special ability.)
Stand still (Ex): As long as they are standing in someone's yard, garden gnomes may stand perfectly still.
Stand still (Ex): As long as they are standing in someone's yard, garden gnomes may stand perfectly still.
lol, nice.
