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I had an idea. Lets see what crazy magic items we can come up with, that follow the rules(mostly) and aren't too extravagant. Basicly, they're weird in the way that they're either counter-productive, but not cursed; or difficult to use, almost to pointlessness.
I'll start with two simple ones: Potion of Magic Missile, Manacles of Acid Orb
Devil's Ring of fire immunity (can only be used by devils)
Burial Shroud of Heavy Fortification (grants immunity to critical hits and sneak attacks to undead)
Things like that?
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Devil's Ring of fire immunity (can only be used by devils)
Burial Shroud of Heavy Fortification (grants immunity to critical hits and sneak attacks to undead)Things like that?
Kinda, but more like if the Burial Shroud was usable by anyone, however it restricts movement so much that you can only lie down and be hit.
Don't know if it fits but a character I DMed once wanted to create a Hat of Force Ladder. Basically it would be a pointy wizards hat that you could pull a ladder out of. Totaly not worth the head-slot, but funny as hell.
Hmm, I'd need to check which spells could be put into potions and oils, some of them would be rather odd. One which doesn't appear in DMG but has been created in our group was Potion of blindness/deafness (which does have some tactical benefit), but eg. Oil of grease would just be...silly.
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Yeah, I doubt spells such as Magic Missile could be turned into a potion by the rules, but the idea of a potion that the act drinking produces a Magic Missile is funny because: Where would it come from? What would happen?
Its okay to break one or two rules in thinking these up if its funny. That's the purpose. Something to make us all laugh. :)
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Oil of grease would just be...silly.
I'd say that this would actually be quite useful. You'd have a little slip bomb: Throw at enemies' feet, watch enemies fall onto their stupid faces. Or just throw into the crowd on the bazaar and have a heck of a laugh.
Yeah, I doubt spells such as Magic Missile could be turned into a potion by the rules, but the idea of a potion that the act drinking produces a Magic Missile is funny because: Where would it come from? What would happen?
Can you say soda pop rocks?
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(Massage) oil of shocking grasp!
Effigy Doll of Dimension Door: A little doll that is made in your image, and empowered with a personal item as well as some part of your body (like a lock of hair). When you throw it, you'll be teleported to the spot where the doll hits anything (cealing, floor, cliff face, doesn't matter). The doll will return to your hand and you'll appear where the doll hit, with your body in the exact same position the doll had.
Hammer of Tremor: When you strike the earth with it, everyone in 10' radius of the place of impact is thrown to the ground, including you (treat as trip attempt, large creature with str 22, no counter trip)
And some items I saw in some movie one time:
Ring of Sorta Invisibility: Makes you invisible, except to your worst enemies, who get a bonus on spot checks to see you.
Horn of Help: When in trouble, you can blow the horn and allies will show up in time to bury you.
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Unholy Longsword of Evil-Bane: A sword that can only be weilded by evil characters(without a negative level), and deals extra damage to evil characters.
Merciful Sap: A non-lethal weapon enchanted to deal non-lethal damage.
Boots of X-Ray Vision
Chainmail of Rusting Grasp: A suit of armor whose wearer has Rusting Grasp constantly.(Bye-bye weapons.)
Mirror of Major Image: Works as Major Image, but only while looking into the Mirror. It ends as you stop looking into the mirror.
Potion of Energy Drain
Lute of Summon Instrument
Eyeglasses of Blindness
Oil of Horrid Wilting
Lead Boots of Jump
Axe of Liveoak
.And some items I saw in some movie one time:
Ring of Sorta Invisibility: Makes you invisible, except to your worst enemies, who get a bonus on spot checks to see you.
Horn of Help: When in trouble, you can blow the horn and allies will show up in time to bury you.
Those were not in a movie if I recall. Weren't they in DM of the Rings? Or was the author quoting Monty Python again?
Mirror of Major Image: Works as Major Image, but only while looking into the Mirror. It ends as you stop looking into the mirror.
Ack! This mirror makes me look fat!
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Those were not in a movie if I recall. Weren't they in DM of the Rings? Or was the author quoting Monty Python again?.And some items I saw in some movie one time:
Ring of Sorta Invisibility: Makes you invisible, except to your worst enemies, who get a bonus on spot checks to see you.
Horn of Help: When in trouble, you can blow the horn and allies will show up in time to bury you.
Ring of Sorta Invisibility = The One Ring
Oh yeah, just remebered. We used to have a potion of protection against dehydration. But we usually called it by a shorter name: water.
Those were not in a movie if I recall..And some items I saw in some movie one time:
Ring of Sorta Invisibility: Makes you invisible, except to your worst enemies, who get a bonus on spot checks to see you.
Horn of Help: When in trouble, you can blow the horn and allies will show up in time to bury you.
They were: The movie's called "The Lord of the Rings", after a book written by some Englishman with lots of names ;-).
Though I admit that I wasn't the first one to interpret these items that way.
Well, according to Terry Pratchett, one of the most dangerous magic items are Seven League Boots. One of the things your crotch really doesn't want is your feet to attenpt to make a 21-mile-step. Those boots were a real rip-off.
What about a Condom of Fertility?
Manacles of Freedom
Lead Lenses of X-Ray Vision
The Amazing Burrowing Carpet
The Hammer of Healing
The Harp of Silence (play at full volume and drive mimes nuts!)
The Toenail of Vecna
Throwing Returning +1 Boomerang
The Glass Mask of Disguise As Self
Abi-Dhalzim's Awesome Attic
Oil of Oberon's Offensive Odour (or just OOOOO) (Seriously, everyone knows that abbreviation. Really, use the stuff and get near someone, and they utter "Ooooo!")
Ooze Bane Warspoon
Ring of Commend Elemental (intelligent item. Can't shut up about how awesome this or that elemental is)
Potion of Remove Paralysis.
Staff of Blades (turns into longsword whenever you use it)
tooth of Magic Fang! this tooth can bite through the special DR/magic hamburger you've been dreaming about eating!
the Finger of Death! Only 10 in existance! Pick your nose, amaze your friends, with Death's own finger!
Animal-Shapes Animal Crackers- eat the cracker, turn into that animal.
wand of Friendly Fireball- a wand of fireball that only works if one of your allies is in the target area.
Oh yeah, just remebered. We used to have a potion of protection against dehydration. But we usually called it by a shorter name: water.
In a similar vein, potion of acid splash is not exactly the most useful thing ever...
In RAW I think magic missile potion would be possible, though since the caster and target are the same person, it would be one of those "damage to imbiber" potions. Same goes for that potion of blindness/deafness I mentioned above, or potion of bestow curse...
Or how about potion of charm person? Nice pick-up for people suffering from low self-esteem, that sudden realization that they are their own best friend.
Weirdness starts to abound on potions with non-living or otherwise unusual targets...potion of animate dead? Or animate rope? How exactly would those things work?
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Oh yeah, just remebered. We used to have a potion of protection against dehydration. But we usually called it by a shorter name: water.In a similar vein, potion of acid splash is not exactly the most useful thing ever...
In RAW I think magic missile potion would be possible, though since the caster and target are the same person, it would be one of those "damage to imbiber" potions. Same goes for that potion of blindness/deafness I mentioned above, or potion of bestow curse...
Or how about potion of charm person? Nice pick-up for people suffering from low self-esteem, that sudden realization that they are their own best friend.
Weirdness starts to abound on potions with non-living or otherwise unusual targets...potion of animate dead? Or animate rope? How exactly would those things work?
Well, Animate Dead and Animate Rope would make sense if they were made into oils, but the idea of watching someone spend time to grease either one of those down with oils is still funny. Plus if you were going to need to climb the rope, it might be a bit difficult.
How about a potion - Whisky of Fire Ball Belching. Imagine the drunkin bar brawls with a dwarf whos been pounding shots of this stuff.
Well, Animate Dead would make sense if they were made into oils
A potion works if not the whole body is supposed to be awakened. I know I often read about this potion in pill form. Whenever I look into my spam folder I get about a dozen mails that want to sell me that stuff.
Deck of Too Many Things: Similar to Deck of Many things, but utilises every Magic: The Gathering Card ever. You need a full deck (i.e. all Magic Cards) and each has a different effect, according to the list (you can download for free as a 3GB .txt file)
Mask of Antipathy: Puts a glammer on you so you look to everyone like their worst enemy. Was created by Xanderghul by a whiny minion who complained that he was not powerful enough. Xan' figured that with more mortal combat comes more experience comes more levels (Runelords were such metagamers, and the Lord of Pride even more so).
Potion of Other's Splendour: Brewed with prime ingredients like yeast and malt after an ancient code called Reinheitsgebot, this gives everyone the trinker sees a +1 bonus to charisma. Like all unnamed bonuses, this bonus stacks with itself and others, so you can imbide multiple doses of the Potion to greatly increase other people's charisma. With enough potions drunk (varies from person to person) you also gain the effects of heroism and tongues.
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Cornucopia of Glamered Bounty - this horn produces food and drink as Create Food & Water upon command. The food appears real in all particulars, and even appears to sate hunger and thirst, but is completely illusory, and anyone attempting to survive on such fare will starve and dehydrate in short order, while feeling full and sated...
Clothing of Faerie Fire - the wealthy nobles who commision these elegant outfits (typically cloaks and gowns) have them enspelled with Faerie Fire. Sure, it makes them easier targets, but the goal is to be *seen* and to look fabulous, not to live forever!
Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.
Self-Coiling Rope - this fine silk rope has been animated to keep itself coiled for ease of stowing away. It resists any attempt to uncoil it, unknotting itself and slithering back into a coiled state if necessary.
Glider of Feather Fall with a 10 minute Craft (glider) check, this sturdy contruction of bamboo and hide can be activated to provide a Feather Fall effect. It falls apart on impact with the ground and must be re-assembled to be re-used.
Well, Animate Dead and Animate Rope would make sense if they were made into oils,
Oil of Animate Dead was a popular item in my Hollowfaust campaign. The nasty cold reddish punguent-smelling jelly (kinda sterno-like) took a minute to apply, but then sat idle, potentially forever, until the command word was spoken to activate the magic. The NPC Necromancer BBEG had her full allotment of undead to throw at the party, and as they fell, she was able to speak the command word and call up replacements from the treated bodies lying around her workspace for just such an emergency. A few extra Skeletons or Zombies 'on hold' above her normal command rating proved to be quite handy, if insufficient to stop those pesky adventurers...
Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.
Excuse me, sir, but these do not appear to be 'Safety Goggles'. They do, in fact, appear to be a large black hood placed over the head, thus preventing the wearer from seeing a thing.
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Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.Excuse me, sir, but these do not appear to be 'Safety Goggles'. They do, in fact, appear to be a large black hood placed over the head, thus preventing the wearer from seeing a thing.
This is Gnomish technology, sirrah. Just back away Kobold, it's clearly beyond your understanding.
And try these handy bracelets, they are decorative and the chain helps keep them from getting separated, as well as restraining the limbs, so that you do not hurt yourself with sudden movement. Really, quite considerate.
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Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.Excuse me, sir, but these do not appear to be 'Safety Goggles'. They do, in fact, appear to be a large black hood placed over the head, thus preventing the wearer from seeing a thing.This is Gnomish technology, sirrah. Just back away Kobold, it's clearly beyond your understanding.
And try these handy bracelets, they are decorative and the chain helps keep them from getting separated, as well as restraining the limbs, so that you do not hurt yourself with sudden movement. Really, quite considerate.
Kobold struggling with 'bracelets'... a kender walk by look interested in the struggle, and walk away.... the 'bracelets' are gone from Kobold's wrists
Them kender are obnoxious, but they got those dang things off.
Now to have a word with that meddlin' heyena known as 'Set'...
Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.Excuse me, sir, but these do not appear to be 'Safety Goggles'. They do, in fact, appear to be a large black hood placed over the head, thus preventing the wearer from seeing a thing.
Oh, not at all, my koboldy friend.
By the way, may I interest you in an amulet of protection from gases? Cloudkill, stinking cloud, and other spells and poison gases that would eat your lungs or similar things will be negated by this invention. And behold its simply elegance. The ropy texture and the fine slipknotty design that enhances your rear neckline. Would you care to try it on? Just step up on this fitting-scaffold - the merchandise is affixed to yonder beam because many were stolen, you understand. This town teems with halflings! - Stand here and watch yourself in that mirror, while I just walk over to this here lever, which is completely irrelevant, let me assure you.
:)
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Poison of Cure Light Wounds.
Ha ha! Actually, healing potions restore hit points, and poisons can deal ability damage. A poisoned healing potion is pretty nasty.
Safety Goggles - these Gnomish goggles protect the wearer from gaze attacks, blinding lights, the harsh glare of sun on snow and irritants affecting the eyes. They work by casting a Blindness spell on the wearer, thus protecting the wearer even if the strap slips and the goggles fall away from the eyes.Excuse me, sir, but these do not appear to be 'Safety Goggles'. They do, in fact, appear to be a large black hood placed over the head, thus preventing the wearer from seeing a thing.Oh, not at all, my koboldy friend.
By the way, may I interest you in an amulet of protection from gases? Cloudkill, stinking cloud, and other spells and poison gases that would eat your lungs or similar things will be negated by this invention. And behold its simply elegance. The ropy texture and the fine slipknotty design that enhances your rear neckline. Would you care to try it on? Just step up on this fitting-scaffold - the merchandise is affixed to yonder beam because many were stolen, you understand. This town teems with halflings! - Stand here and watch yourself in that mirror, while I just walk over to this here lever, which is completely irrelevant, let me assure you.
:)
*Whacks fool and proceeds to buy copy writes for 'amulet'*
Oil of Animate Dead was a popular item in my Hollowfaust campaign. The nasty cold reddish punguent-smelling jelly (kinda sterno-like) took a minute to apply, but then sat idle, potentially forever, until the command word was spoken to activate the magic. The NPC Necromancer BBEG had her full allotment of undead to throw at the party, and as they fell, she was able to speak the command word and call up replacements from the treated bodies lying around her workspace for just such an emergency. A few extra Skeletons or Zombies 'on...
Yeah, that can be actually quite nice item...oil of animate rope might have those greasiness issues though (and oil of calm animals would be a slapstick moment if it was ruled to have an application time of, say, one minute...though any cat owner would still love that item).
Dagger of Healing
This masterwork alchemical silver dagger heals 1d8+1 hp to any creature it damages.
Faint transmutation; CL 1; Craft Magical Arms and Armor, cure light wounds; Price 2322gp; Weight 1 lb
Jeb's Hotsauce (Potion of scorching ray.)
Scissors of Mending (mending)
Sammy's Ever-Plentiful Sauna (obscuring mist & burning hands)
Amazing Farg's Flying Crop Duster (fly + obscuring mist + repel vermin)
Dagger of Healing
This masterwork alchemical silver dagger heals 1d8+1 hp to any creature it damages.
Faint transmutation; CL 1; Craft Magical Arms and Armor, cure light wounds; Price 2322gp; Weight 1 lb
No, it's a longsword that heals 1d8+Strength modifier (plus half again Strength modifier if used with 2 hands).
Amazing Farg's Flying Crop Duster (fly + obscuring mist + repel vermin)
You know, "I read Farg's Flying Crotch Duster" and the repel vermin made so much sense.
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Potion of Thirst: The more you drink, the more thirsty you become.
Incense of Calm Emotion: Light this and inhale the scent to mellow out.
Ever-Extinguished Torch: Torch that is always out.
Horn of Sonic Resistance: Blowing this horn provides everyone that hears it Sonic Resistance 10 for ten minutes. The wielder of this horn is immune to this effect.
Returning Greatsword: Good luck on throwing it.
Returning Arrows +2: Make sure you're not in the same place when the arrows come back.
Throwing Sling
Vorpal Sap
Longsword, +3 vs Party Members
Merfolk's Ring of Swimming: Only usable by Merfolk
Never-movable Rod: This varient of the Immovable Rod lacks the button, and cannot be turned off.
Indestructible Tent: Still has Saern trapped inside...
Time Travel Face Bag - Invented by traveling bards William Murderface and Toki Wartooth, this shiny black bag allows the wearer to travel through time. If the bag is placed over one's head, one is able to travel through time at normal speed. When the bag is removed, it's the future!
Caught that. Metalocalypse
No, it's a longsword that heals 1d8+Strength modifier (plus half again Strength modifier if used with 2 hands).Dagger of Healing
This masterwork alchemical silver dagger heals 1d8+1 hp to any creature it damages.
Faint transmutation; CL 1; Craft Magical Arms and Armor, cure light wounds; Price 2322gp; Weight 1 lb
It does heal that amount, but it still does damage as well.
Ex: 1d8+1 (+Str mod) damage and 1d8+1 healing
Oh, yeah. Forgot the enhancement bonus to damage.
Spiked Chain of Throwing
Shark's Helmet (Headpiece for sharks that casts scorching ray.)
Vlad's Tropical Coffin (Coffin + Tanning Booth)
+1 Flaming Club (Most expensive torch ever.)
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Dagger of Healing
This masterwork alchemical silver dagger heals 1d8+1 hp to any creature it damages.
Faint transmutation; CL 1; Craft Magical Arms and Armor, cure light wounds; Price 2322gp; Weight 1 lb
Actually with just a little work I could see this being very useful in your average torturer's chamber.
"So tell me..., how does it feel when I plunge this dagger into your liver? Remember, this is for posterity, so... be honest."
Unholy Longsword of Evil-Bane: A sword that can only be weilded by evil characters(without a negative level), and deals extra damage to evil characters.
Merciful Sap: A non-lethal weapon enchanted to deal non-lethal damage.
Boots of X-Ray Vision
Chainmail of Rusting Grasp: A suit of armor whose wearer has Rusting Grasp constantly.(Bye-bye weapons.)
Mirror of Major Image: Works as Major Image, but only while looking into the Mirror. It ends as you stop looking into the mirror.
Potion of Energy Drain
Lute of Summon Instrument
Eyeglasses of Blindness
Oil of Horrid Wilting
Lead Boots of Jump
Axe of Liveoak
Actually some of these aren't so bad:
Unholy Longsword of Evil-Bane: A sword that can only be weilded by evil characters(without a negative level), and deals extra damage to evil characters: Can you say "Blood War"?
Merciful Sap: A non-lethal weapon enchanted to deal non-lethal damage Hey that's 1d6 extra nonlethal.
Boots of X-Ray Vision: See DMG item affinities page 290 or so I think for eyeglasses of Giant Strength
Chainmail of Rusting Grasp: A suit of armor whose wearer has Rusting Grasp constantly.(Bye-bye weapons.): There are plenty of wooden hafted weapons in the game
Potion of Energy Drain, Oil of Horrid Wilting Feed these and others to the monsters by telling them these are beneficial potions/oils, and THEN jump 'em while they're weakened
Dagger of Healing
This masterwork alchemical silver dagger heals 1d8+1 hp to any creature it damages.
Faint transmutation; CL 1; Craft Magical Arms and Armor, cure light wounds; Price 2322gp; Weight 1 lb
It does do damage as a magic dagger 1d4+1, it just also applies a CLW at the same time. It was actually mentioned in a previous thread that I can't remember the name of at the moment.
Oh yeah, just remebered. We used to have a potion of protection against dehydration. But we usually called it by a shorter name: water.In a similar vein, potion of acid splash is not exactly the most useful thing ever...
In RAW I think magic missile potion would be possible, though since the caster and target are the same person, it would be one of those "damage to imbiber" potions. Same goes for that potion of blindness/deafness I mentioned above, or potion of bestow curse...
Or how about potion of charm person? Nice pick-up for people suffering from low self-esteem, that sudden realization that they are their own best friend.
Weirdness starts to abound on potions with non-living or otherwise unusual targets...potion of animate dead? Or animate rope? How exactly would those things work?
Trick monsters into ingesting the magic missile one or blindness/deafness or bestow curse then strike once their weakened >:)
Animal-Shapes Animal Crackers- eat the cracker, turn into that animal.wand of Friendly Fireball- a wand of fireball that only works if one of your allies is in the target area.
Animal Crackers-extra Wild shapes for Druids
Wand of Friendly Fireball-Depending on caster alignment this one would not necessarily be useless. Also good if the ally in the area has fire immunity
Potion of Remove Paralysis.
Staff of Blades (turns into longsword whenever you use it)
Staff of Blades would allow you to conceal the fact that you have a weapon other than a quarterstaff until its time to strike