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This thread is for the off-topic things that don't fit in any other off-topic categories. Example:
Best. Quote. Ever. -
"Sticks and stones can break my bones and I have my Swiss Army knife if they hit me and if I kill them it will be self-defense and I won't go to prison."
Also, last night, I was sitting in my basement with all the lights off, watching my ever so precious Firefly DVDs, when I heard an ominous sound.
Someone was knocking on the basement door.
At two o'clock in the morning.
I grabbed a flashlight and a Bowie knife, and went to investigate.
I shined my light through the panes of glass in the door. There was nothing there.
I tentatively opened the door. I looked down, and I beheld...
...a f$*+ing TOAD! It had been f*&+ing slamming its warty little body into the door, scaring the living s&%&e out of me! I moved it away, and closed the door.
Fifteen minutes later, it was back. Five minutes after that, I gave up and went upstairs to bed.
Once, shortly before I graduated college I was eating breakfast at the counter at a diner near the studio and an old woman was sitting next to me. I finished, and I was waiting for my check. She looked over and said,"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure.", I said.
"Are you a monk or something?", she asked.
I didn't know what to say. Of course, I said no, maybe a little faster or more bewildered than usual. She assured me she meant it as a compliment. It was awkward.
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Random poem I found on DeviantArt:
Rudolph, he will change his name,
'Cuz Rudolph just sounds pretty lame.
Now we'll call him Ragnagord, the evil reindeer overlord.
His nose, it shall be red no more,
It will be blackened to the core.
His eyes will glow an evil glow,
To guide the chariot through the snow.
I was once walking home from the pub with my friend at midnight, we were both 18 so this is quite a few years ago now. It was freezing cold and there was a thick fog everywhere. I grew up in a country town so we were walking straight down the middle of the highway through town. As we got near my place we heard a clip-clopping sound, and a HORSE WITH NO RIDER OR SADDLE came out of the fog at us. We moved aside and he trotted between us like we weren't there.
Niether of us to this day knows whether it was real or a GHOOOOooST HOOOoooRSE. We just kind of went "dude, did you see that? Yeah? Wierd."
Random poem I found on DeviantArt:
Rudolph, he will change his name,
'Cuz Rudolph just sounds pretty lame.
Now we'll call him Ragnagord, the evil reindeer overlord.
His nose, it shall be red no more,
It will be blackened to the core.
His eyes will glow an evil glow,
To guide the chariot through the snow.
that is freaky
Mr. Shiny; does the 'Mr Shiny' part of your name come from the story 'Fat Face' by someone whose name currently escapes me or is it just coincidence?
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Mr. Shiny; does the 'Mr Shiny' part of your name come from the story 'Fat Face' by someone whose name currently escapes me or is it just coincidence?
Actually, I have read that story, but interestingly enough, it's a coincidence. I came up with the name a few years before. Basically, myself and my frien Alex (Dirk Gently on the boards) were trying to come up with a rather bizarre take on the traditional superhero archetype. I finally came up with a white-and-green striped wierdo called Mr. Shiny. Alex added the 'Eldritch' part because we were (and still are) into the works of H.P. Lovecraft, and the guy seemed to overuse that word.
The proposed comic book never really got off the ground, bu the name stuck, and I have been using it as my net alias ever since.
By the way, did you read 'Fat Face' in the 'Cthulhu 2000' short story collection? If so, did you like 'The Barrens'? Personally, it's one of my all-time favorite short stories.
I just noticed as i was making a map for my campaign based off Resident evil 0 that i know every room in the train( the beginning part of the game) which is sad, but at least i don't know the whole Umbrella mansion.
I just noticed as i was making a map for my campaign based off Resident evil 0 that i know every room in the train( the beginning part of the game) which is sad, but at least i don't know the whole Umbrella mansion.
AWED... you need help.
I once was attacked by two ducks...
In a Toys R Us parking lot...
In the middle of Montreal...
Need I say more?
Ultradan
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I have a very similar story,
Once I was working on a paper late at night like 2 or 3 in the morning and I hear this noise. It was this really strange thumping or like some one trying to break in. the first two times I ignored it but then in my dozy daze I noticed it coming from near my door. So I arm my self with my longest kitchen knife and I walk extremely quietly to my door and I looked out the window of the door and I see absolutely nothing out of the ordinary but all of a sudden I hear it again. But then I realized that it is coming from one of my draws so I open my draw armed with my kitchen knife and I see a mouse trapped in a glue trap. So I left the mouse until I finished my paper and got a nap in.
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I was at Busch Gardens in Tampa. There was a herd of 10 elephants there. I got up on a plastic escarpment/boulder and did the Tarzan yell. They all lifted up their trunks and started trumpeting at me. It was awesome. I never knew they would do that.
Everybody thought it was part of the show. I guess it was.
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I was at Busch Gardens in Tampa. There was a herd of 10 elephants there. I got up on a plastic escarpment/boulder and did the Tarzan yell. They all lifted up their trunks and started trumpeting at me. It was awesome. I never knew they would do that.
Everybody thought it was part of the show. I guess it was.
Thats awesome, its so awesome that even if it was a lie it would be awesome.
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Also, last night, I was sitting in my basement with all the lights off, watching my ever so precious Firefly DVDs, when I heard an ominous sound. Someone was knocking on the basement door.At two o'clock in the morning. I grabbed a flashlight and a Bowie knife, and went to investigate.I shined my light through the panes of glass in the door. There was nothing there. I tentatively opened the door. I looked down, and I beheld...a f*@#ing TOAD! It had been f*@#ing slamming its warty little body into the door, scaring the living s@#*e out of me! I moved it away, and closed the door. Fifteen minutes later, it was back. Five minutes after that, I gave up and went upstairs to bed.
You should keep it as a pet!!!
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You should keep it as a pet!!!
I would keep it in a jar with no holes in the lid. After about 3 months the "Toad Bomb" is ready for detonation.
FH
*Fake Healer does not condone the harming of toads in any manner and would like to state that the prior statement referencing the harming of a toad was made strictly to sound "cool". Fake Healer believes that all creatures have a right to live (sometimes VERY far from himself) except mosquitos which should be irradicated from the surface of the planet without any compunction. Thank you for listening and stay in school.
Did you know that sometimes hibernating toads are found encased in solid rock, and toads have been documented by 19th century scientists to live for 20 years buried in a sealed flowerpot with no food or water?
This led to the widespread belief among the commmon folk in England that toads could live forever inside stones. Scientists in the 17th century thought that toads-in-the-hole (the dish is named after them) dated from before the biblical flood.
Toads rule.
Also, speaking of toads, how awesome is this mini? (The one with the toad obviously. Not the pirate, though he's pretty cool too I guess).
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I was once walking home from the train station at about 2AM, when this old guy came up to me on the street. I figured he was going to ask for money (which I didn't have - hence the half hour walk rather than getting a cab), but instead he looked at me and asked "Are you German?"
"No," I replied, "I'm not."
"Where are you from then?" he asked.
"Here," I said, "I'm Australian."
He looked at me for a while (walking alongside me, as I hadn't stopped walking) then said "They're here you know. Are you sure you're not German?"
"Yes, I'm sure," I said, to which he replied "OK," and walked off.
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Thats awesome, its so awesome that even if it was a lie it would be awesome.I was at Busch Gardens in Tampa. There was a herd of 10 elephants there. I got up on a plastic escarpment/boulder and did the Tarzan yell. They all lifted up their trunks and started trumpeting at me. It was awesome. I never knew they would do that.
Everybody thought it was part of the show. I guess it was.
I wish there was some way to prove it, but I swear by all that's holy that it's 100% true.
It sucks, because I've done a few things in my life that are so astounding that everybody who hears the stories think they're absolute b.s.Actually, it's kinda cool too. It means I'm unbelievable. ;)
I was once walking home from the train station at about 2AM, when this old guy came up to me on the street. I figured he was going to ask for money (which I didn't have - hence the half hour walk rather than getting a cab), but instead he looked at me and asked "Are you German?"
"No," I replied, "I'm not."
"Where are you from then?" he asked.
"Here," I said, "I'm Australian."
He looked at me for a while (walking alongside me, as I hadn't stopped walking) then said "They're here you know. Are you sure you're not German?"
"Yes, I'm sure," I said, to which he replied "OK," and walked off.
Very different circumstances, but one of my painting teachers told me that my painting style is very German. And then he asked me if I were German. I didn't know that painting ability, along with color-blindness and melanin levels, is an inherited trait.
Once I was in an evening drawing class after my instructor was sick, so it wasn't my usual class. I sat near my friend that was also making up the session and she asked me how things were going. I said,"Eh, nothing much." She told me I would have to start making up interesting things to tell her for next time. So I told her that I had been mauled by a bear that day. So we got to drawing and during a break this skinny, pale guy with close cropped hair, a tucked-in shirt and a laniard around his neck came up and said,"Excuse me, but do you work at the zoo or something?"
And for a second I was like,"..."
And then he said,"I overheard that you got mauled by a bear, so do you work at the Bronx Zoo or something like that?"
I thought this guy was f---ing with me, so I played along. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, it really hurt."
And he responded with,"Wow, I can't imagine that happening. That must be really scary." So this guy was completely willing to take me at my word, despite the fact that I was in no way horrificly scarred and my head was in fact attached firmly to my neck. So, I broke down and told him I was just joking around with him. One must only exploit the gullible so far.
Another day, I was walking back to the dorm with the same friend and we found a frozen salmon head just lying on the sidewalk in the snow. So, being inquisitive youngsters, we kicked it around for a while. And then we put it into a free newspaper cubby thing. I was hoping it would be found by a delivery guy that owed money to the mob and then he would get really nervous, but I can't know for sure. Ah, spontaneous surreal vandalism- you're my only true love.
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One time, I looked up in the air and saw this orange shape bobbing in the air, about 200 feet up, and it just didn't look right. So I looked some more, and it was an osprey carrying one of those giant goldfish that they have in ponds. There was an office building nearby with one of those types of ponds. I said, "wow. That osprey has hit freakin' paydirt. The fish'll just keep disappearing, and they'll keep restocking their pond, and they won't know what's going on."
One time, I looked up in the air and saw this orange shape bobbing in the air, about 200 feet up, and it just didn't look right. So I looked some more, and it was an osprey carrying one of those giant goldfish that they have in ponds. There was an office building nearby with one of those types of ponds. I said, "wow. That osprey has hit freakin' paydirt. The fish'll just keep disappearing, and they'll keep restocking their pond, and they won't know what's going on."
Don't tell me you didn't want in on some of that action.
Back when I was 17 we all went on canoe one day. while inside micks canoe rental paying. A grizzled old man looking like popeye's dad Pappy walks in beer gut pot bellied, rockin some biker shorts and the smell of Bud swirled about him, he states: "If Les paul walks in playin gitar here I'm gonna sh*t myself" and he said this three or four times before being escorted out.
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Did you know that sometimes hibernating toads are found encased in solid rock, and toads have been documented by 19th century scientists to live for 20 years buried in a sealed flowerpot with no food or water?
This led to the widespread belief among the commmon folk in England that toads could live forever inside stones. Scientists in the 17th century thought that toads-in-the-hole (the dish is named after them) dated from before the biblical flood.
QUOTE]As a Fortean Times frequent reader, I must say, I hear about these things quite frequently.
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I was once walking home from the train station at about 2AM, when this old guy came up to me on the street. I figured he was going to ask for money (which I didn't have - hence the half hour walk rather than getting a cab), but instead he looked at me and asked "Are you German?"
"No," I replied, "I'm not."
"Where are you from then?" he asked.
"Here," I said, "I'm Australian."
He looked at me for a while (walking alongside me, as I hadn't stopped walking) then said "They're here you know. Are you sure you're not German?"
"Yes, I'm sure," I said, to which he replied "OK," and walked off.
At the Boy Scout camp I work at during the summer, there was an old man who kept asking me if I was British, and just pretending to have an American accent. (for those of you who don't know, I have lived in New York and Pennsylvania for my entire life)
While bartending up in Alaska, there was this one older guy kept coming in everynight of the fishing season, he kept insisting I was a viking, everynight I had to tell him no. Finally, one evening I explained to him that I was Polish, Swedish, Indian, and Irish. He looked at me for a miinute than slapped his leg.
"Irish! Aha, I told you that you were viking, Irish proves it, you are shipwrecked viking!"
Can't argue with that logic.
Arctaris wrote:
Mr. Shiny; does the 'Mr Shiny' part of your name come from the story 'Fat Face' by someone whose name currently escapes me or is it just coincidence?Actually, I have read that story, but interestingly enough, it's a coincidence. I came up with the name a few years before. Basically, myself and my frien Alex (Dirk Gently on the boards) were trying to come up with a rather bizarre take on the traditional superhero archetype. I finally came up with a white-and-green striped wierdo called Mr. Shiny. Alex added the 'Eldritch' part because we were (and still are) into the works of H.P. Lovecraft, and the guy seemed to overuse that word.
The proposed comic book never really got off the ground, bu the name stuck, and I have been using it as my net alias ever since.
By the way, did you read 'Fat Face' in the 'Cthulhu 2000' short story collection? If so, did you like 'The Barrens'? Personally, it's one of my all-time favorite short stories.
I am actually quite new to reading Lovecraft's stories but the Cthulhu 2000 collection is high on my list. I saw the name in my copy of Malleus Monstrum and made the connection.
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While bartending up in Alaska, there was this one older guy kept coming in everynight of the fishing season, he kept insisting I was a viking, everynight I had to tell him no. Finally, one evening I explained to him that I was Polish, Swedish, Indian, and Irish. He looked at me for a miinute than slapped his leg.
"Irish! Aha, I told you that you were viking, Irish proves it, you are shipwrecked viking!"
Can't argue with that logic.
My advice: practice up on ALL your viking skills. I'm sorry, I've just seen too many movies where some crazy old dude comes in and lays some cryptic s*%! on folk, and then whaddya know it happens.
You're going to viking world, I tells ya!!! ;)
You're going to viking world, I tells ya!!! ;)
I second that notion. :D
So, I have four cats. One of which is mine, a funky little tortiseshell named Chou Chou (shoo shoo, or little cabbage in French), is the great huntress of the backyard. Two others aren't slouches, either, but just big fluffy boy cats that like to lay in the sun. The other one isn't worth mentioning becuase she's insane and lives under the porch.
Anywho, I walked downstairs this morning and stepped in something sticky on my way to the kitchen. I looked down and behold! A lovely gift of decapitated blackbird that bled to death in my dining room! Great! We can't get the blood out of the wood floor.
I bet it was Chou, though my Da says it was one of the boys, Tux, cause one of his legs is hurt. That bird must of put up a big fight if it hurt Tux.
One of our cats does that. She kills mice and then eats all of them except for the heads which she leaves staring up at you on the floor in placs that you're likley to step in the early morning.
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See I do just the opposite, I eat cats and leave their heads in strategic locations throughout the house. Different strokes I guess.
FH
* Fake Healer does not condone the eating of felines and leaving their craniums lying about unsupervised. Cats are a living creature that has a right to exist on the planet in a chemically or surgically altered manner just like the rest of us. No cats were harmed during the typing of this post (at least not by Fake Healer).
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32
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One of our cats does that. She kills mice and then eats all of them except for the heads which she leaves staring up at you on the floor in placs that you're likley to step in the early morning.
I had a cat who did something like this. She didn't eat them, though. She would messily disembowel them all over the welcome mat at the front door. It was, well, very UNwelcoming to walk up to a house with scattered mouse guts all over the entryway.
They really love us, don't they?
Yes they do. Theres no expression of love like hearing the sound of my cat retching, again (he has stomach issues).
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Yes they do. Theres no expression of love like hearing the sound of my cat retching, again (he has stomach issues).
Every friggin' morning I have to clean up a pile of cat vomit, partially chewed food and hair in my laundry room (I put them in there at night, 2 twin sister cats). Nice way to start the day. Next time you wonder why a post of mine is a bit moody it is probably that 4 paper towels wasn't sufficiently absorbant to prevent "soak through".
Friggin' cats.FH
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Bella Sara Charter Superscriber
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Damn, I deleted my post and for once, it was my fault, not Paizo's. It's a toad related rant.
For his birthday, I got my son an abridged child-friendly copy of the Wind in the Willows. For those unfamiliar with this book, it's about a bunch of anthromorphic animals, primarily a Rat, Mole, Badger, and Toad.
On the cover of this book is a picture of the Rat and the Mole sitting on a river bank. Rowing a boat in the river bank is a green skinned amphibian with a yellow throat and two large circles where you would expect to find ears. The amphibian lacks any sort of warts, speckles, or other traints associated with a toad. The amphibian is in fact, a bullfrog.
The character's name is Toad. Every other picture in the book shows him as a Toad. The scene depicted on the cover is about Toad. There is no bullfrog in the entire book. Look, I'm no herpitologist (are they amphibians or reptiles?), but being unable to distinguish a bullfrog from a toad is like not being able to tell a duck from a pigeon. How stupid were the following people: (a) the author, (b) the publisher, (c) me for getting irritated?
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Damn, I deleted my post and for once, it was my fault, not Paizo's. It's a toad related rant.
For his birthday, I got my son an abridged child-friendly copy of the Wind in the Willows. For those unfamiliar with this book, it's about a bunch of anthromorphic animals, primarily a Rat, Mole, Badger, and Toad.
On the cover of this book is a picture of the Rat and the Mole sitting on a river bank. Rowing a boat in the river bank is a green skinned amphibian with a yellow throat and two large circles where you would expect to find ears. The amphibian lacks any sort of warts, speckles, or other traints associated with a toad. The amphibian is in fact, a bullfrog.
The character's name is Toad. Every other picture in the book shows him as a Toad. The scene depicted on the cover is about Toad. There is no bullfrog in the entire book. Look, I'm no herpitologist (are they amphibians or reptiles?), but being unable to distinguish a bullfrog from a toad is like not being able to tell a duck from a pigeon.
Maybe it's a bullfrog named Toad...
Director of Sales
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So, I broke down and told him I was just joking around with him. One must only exploit the gullible so far.
QFT!
Back in high school, I convinced this girl that stop signs with a white border are optional. More like Yield signs. (Yeah... I couldn't believe that she bought it either!) It was so funny that I just left her with it. Thought nothing more of it.
A few weeks later a mutual friend came up and punched me in the arm, accusing me of nearly getting her killed. I asked what she meant (having, of course, no recollection of the seemingly harmless joke). She told me that she was riding in the gullible girl's car when she blew through a stop sign and nearly got in a wreck. Evidently, it went:
"WHAT THE HELL?!? Didn't you see that stop sign?!?"
"Yeah, but it was optional. It had a white border."
"What are you talking about?!?"
"Well... Cosmo said..."
"..."
"Oh. That $%#*%@&%$!!!!!"
Priceless.
On cats and gifts that they leave you...My mom stumbled through her house at zero-dark-thirty to make coffee. On her way to the sink, she gets an uncomfortable squishing sensation between her toes, but it's not completely soft. My mom looks down, and staring back up at her is a decapitated mouse head, its little beady eyes staring back at her.
Her screech of surprise woke me up out of a dead sleep. The cat looked pleased, in that fashion they do. "But Mom, I love you! I wanted to share my food with you!"
As a Fortean Times frequent reader, I must say, I hear about these things quite frequently.
Mad props to the FT. I just read that toad article the other day, that's why it's fresh in my mind.
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On cats and gifts that they leave you...My mom stumbled through her house at zero-dark-thirty to make coffee. On her way to the sink, she gets an uncomfortable squishing sensation between her toes, but it's not completely soft. My mom looks down, and staring back up at her is a decapitated mouse head, its little beady eyes staring back at her.
Her screech of surprise woke me up out of a dead sleep. The cat looked pleased, in that fashion they do. "But Mom, I love you! I wanted to share my food with you!"
My dad started feeding a stray cat that hung around the family cleaners, and it started leaving similar gifts for him on his morning paper. He'd get up to go start some cloths washing or unload something, and when he came back - BAM - there it was.
On the cover of this book is a picture of the Rat and the Mole sitting on a river bank. Rowing a boat in the river bank is a green skinned amphibian with a yellow throat and two large circles where you would expect to find ears. The amphibian lacks any sort of warts, speckles, or other traints associated with a toad. The amphibian is in fact, a bullfrog.
The character's name is Toad. Every other picture in the book shows him as a Toad. The scene depicted on the cover is about Toad. There is no bullfrog in the entire book. Look, I'm no herpitologist (are they amphibians or reptiles?), but being unable to distinguish a bullfrog from a toad is like not being able to tell a duck from a pigeon.
They just photoshopped Toady for the front cover to remove any obvious blemishes. Standard practice these days I'm afraid. Be thankful they didn't give him a spray-on tan.
Also, one of our cats is a sympathetic vomiter. If anyone in the house vomits for whatever reason, even if it's in the toilet, the cat just starts retching everywhere as soon as it hears the human doing so. We also have a hunter. During the full moon I'll sometimes wake in the morning to hear a wierd growling noise at the window outside, and when I pull back the curtain there he is perched on the window sill with a dead bird gripped in his mouth, growling at me for approval. It's cute.