The three large human-looking babies had crawled around Fraz-Urb'luu’ to take up three points of a triangle, at once their faces snapped up toward the sky and their foot long, forked snake tongues stretched out like reeds in the wind; they began a deep vibrating chant (like a monk’s chant) that rose in pitch as their tongues quivered faster – red blood started to flow down from the corners of their silver eyes, like tears of homecoming – something wonderful was about to happen!
Could it be that most super secret ritual to which many have heard of from whispered corridors but many more doubt even exists and still others suppose is just some ridiculous scam created by unknown beings and for unknown purposes but spread rampantly among the uninformed in order to build expectation of an event that shall surely never even come to pass or even be understood by the free thinking world?
From on top of a hill a bugle sounds and the charge begins.
The red lady steps through the portal and into this abyssal plane, she has been sent by corporate headquarters to find and return the Denny’s waitress – she is popular with the younger crowd and missile weapons—(HQ is worried about the drop in revenues in her absence) the charge of the advance guard is meant as a distraction, it all depends upon her sweet skills now.
Abruptly, the wandering zombie with diminished math skills is teleported away due to a summons to the accounting department of some, as yet, unnamed company.
Zombie flash is much sought after in corporate offices and when you get some make sure you don't tell anyone.
Of course, it was, in fact, the zombie brains who were the "masterminds" behind the entire plot to kidnap the Denny's waitress and the ensuing chaos, all parts of the plan including their own dismemberment being factored into the complex scheme to dominate the multiverse and all associated levels of the inner and outer planes; but since they are, as everyone knows, "mindless" creatures the entire plot is woefully flawed and ultimately can only result in a single obvious conclusion - the realization of this fact leaving said zombies quite perplexed and "beside themselves".
The werewolf howled in pain causing all others gathered, with the exception of the angel, to chuckle at the smoldering spectacle.
The axe-wielding chick slammed her axe on the table, “Enough with this playing! We need to come up with a plan to increase Earnings per Share by at least four percent this year or there will be hell to pay. I mean that literally, we will have to pay our creditors in Hell! And, you know they only accept souls."
The werewolf put the smoldering end of his tail out in his glass of water as his eyes moved around the room -- he had already put a secret plan of action into motion, and had great confidence in the Red Lady’s skills (he better, he had paid generously for them).
This profound statement left the others speechless for some long moments.
Back in the Abyss, the wind roared and the sky jeered as the Red Lady studied the macabre scene before her: the tri-baby targeting spell had worked like a charm guiding her portal in on target, the charging kobold workers were indeed distracting her potential foes - but wait, why were they so few in number and what were they throwing, Oranges?, she could see the Denny’s waitress sitting on the ground, she touched her recently, fully charged amulet (which cloaked her mortal-energy traces) as she set out, she had two hours to get the girl and get back; her mind lingered on the werewolf's silky fur.
Unsure of the exact range limitations of oranges as improvised ranged weapons wielded by small humanoids, the Red Lady's first instinct was to ignore the barrage and she was therefore surprised at their effectiveness at distraction if not actual damage; a secondary and further unexpected result being a nice citrus odor over the sulfurous and carnal stench of the Abyss, not to mention the equalization of electrolytes and the full RDA of Vitamin C supplied by the now perhaps misjudged, dragonkin-claiming kobolds.
Meanwhile a wandering lawyer (it is the abyss, and if you check the wandering monster charts you will clearly see that lawyers are found at a high rate of frequency in the abyss) after speaking with the waitress, serves Fraz-Urb'luu with papers instituting a paternity action, for under abyssal putative father law, he is now the lawful father, and we all know that Abyssal Demon Princes have lots of bank.
Also, we cannot forget the aforementioned surge in sales of frozen concentrated orange juice (why do you think the kobolds were throwing oranges, if not to counterbalance this financial competition?).
(not to be confused with his amphibious cousin, the god of gigolo dire tortoises,Turtle Mac)
Was Reggie on that yatcht somewhere off the Isle of Dread - is that why the coalition had had such difficulty tracking him down?
*****
Erik Mona rolled down the window of his car, he took a last drag on his cigarette and flicked it out the window – he hated the rain!
Back on the Prime Material plane, Erik Mona rolled down the window of his car, he took a last drag on his cigarette and flicked it out the window – he hated the rain!
It was replete with a horde of rampaging wights, all of whom strangely prefered ribs over braaaaains.
Erik walked through the door to Stinky Pete’s place, he had some questions he needed answers to and knew this was to place to get information.
Dice rolled to see if the Gather Information check was successful (stand by for Diplomacy check).
Erik (having never seen Clyde so happy) reached into his jacket, several paperback books fell out which he quickly stuffed back inside, and genlty placed the glowing artifact on the table between them, “What do you make of this?”
Clyde rolled the small, rounded cube between his two meaty palms and hummed a tuneless ditty.