and artistic revolution, with brightly colored hats
and unwholesome revelry airing on the PBS
children's programming block. You never saw anything
this obscene! screamed the narrator while carnal
beasts cavorted with the sixth, final remote.
Of course, he had forgotten the time
when he'd collected the remotes already. This
introduced a temporal paradox, wherein alternate versions
of comedy legend Joe Piscopo were able
to rid the universe of the dreaded
laser cats. Those feline fiends had been
created by a nuclear apocalypse, and they
we able to turn themselves into pure
adorablonium, a very rare element used to
murder multiple people in a short matter
by turning them inside out. Joe unleashed
a plethora of squamous horrors to try
to enter them in the Republican primaries.
The primary debates grew more and more
civil and intelligent as the Lovecraftian monstrosities
rewrote the laws of reality to suit
the Amazing Circle Jerk Gang, always hiding
from underground comic artists and concerned parents
inside Rupert Murdoch's floating fortress. It had
to jail those who disagreed with it
in Jell-O molds composed of sentient bacteria
with hands of cheese. Unfortunately, the fortress
was built on a rapidly melting glacier
which was itself on top of a(n)
equally rapidly expanding bureaucracy, intent on slowing
the earth's spin. This nefarious plan would
set the whole world's time zone to
a massively multiplayer online game's server time.
Specifically, Freedumb Server on City of Heroes,
an infamous video game, known for intricate
mandalas created using illegal drugs, such as
caffeine. This plot was foiled when several
superheroes and supervillains escaped from the game,
and decided to start their own sitcom.
The series, called Masks and
Martians, was a truly enormous
effort to conceal the truth
about the O.J. Simpson murders:
shapeshifter from the Fifth Dimension, who planned
to host the popular cooking show, Hell's
Sous Chef, hosted by literal demon Chef
Benjamin Franklin, whose demon cooking skills were
a big hit with the ladies. He
had a recipe for Andouille Sausage Gumbo
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