I have not submitted any proposals for several months, but of the two rejected queries that the editors singled out as close but not close enough (the query I posted about the modrons was one of them), one was a South Pacific themed jungle trek, rescue mission featuring a climatic battle with dinosaurs. Go figure!!!
I think I had one fall prey to the "too similiar to Savage Tide" reason too. Preliminary Research (on page 3 of this thread?) got a "its good, but too close to something in the already in the pipeline" response from the Gatekeeper back in March.
And seeing as how it involved ships, pirates, lost cities, jungles, dinosaurs and a fiendish BBEG... I can hazard a guess now as to what it was too similiar too, lol
I just wanted to quickly say thanks to everyone for the feedback, I'm just on my way out the door to work, but I'll post some more later on today.
I have not submitted any proposals for several months, but of the two rejected queries that the editors singled out as close but not close enough (the query I posted about the modrons was one of them), one was a South Pacific themed jungle trek, rescue mission featuring a climatic battle with dinosaurs. Go figure!!!
I have found that one way to avoid the "too similar" rejection is to find some wierd monster no-one uses (like say a ravid) and do something cool with it. It's sort of a challenge. Basically you find something that the editors are indifferent to and then smack them with a killer proposal featuring one or more of them. This avoids direct monster competition (i.e. my gnoll story got in first so your's will have to wait). Obviously it is still possible to be too similar in theme, story and/or setting, but at least the editors don't smack their collective foreheads and say "Not another (insert common monster here) story!" The other nice thing about using "weird" monsters is that there is the chance that they gain some traction with the audience meaning that pool of usable/cool monsters might expand a bit beyond the what we consider "standard monster fare."
As if monsters are ever standard.
GGG
What is your success rate for getting past the Gatekeeper? How often do you submit queries/How many queries do you send in a month?
7 submitted, 2 requests for manuscripts, 2 rejected, 3 yet to be decided.
My first query in 2002 received a manuscript request. I sent a manuscript, a stack of maps, and a whole pile of illustrations (because I'm an idiot). That led to the whole "Strangest Submission Ever" fiasco (discussed on another thread).
Sometime between 2002 and 2005, I submitted a second, which was rejected.
In January 2006, James Sutter rejected my October 2005 query (kindly suggesting the concept might make a good Dragon article).
Mr. Sutter asked for a manuscript on my fourth query, submitted in January 2006. The editors are presently reviewing that manuscript. (Holding breath, crossing, fingers, toes, eyes, etc.)
I sent my last three queries out during the last 10 days. No word yet (although the prevelance of hags in my queries doesn't bode well!)
Did the editors tell you why they didn't green-light this one?
Too similar to something, I beleive is what Talion09 wrote. In my mind this sounds like a murder mystery set in a city/Sharn (which we've had three of since the creation of Eberron) combined with the something James mentioned in his editorial this month that is coming down the pipe in next year. So no, not a bad way to get rejected it means you've come one step closer to figuring out the style and content of what the editors are looking for now you just have to find an idea that hasn't been pitched recently.
Good luck next time around Talion09,
GGG
Yep, it was too similiar to something else in the works already. Perhaps the sequel to "Chimes at Midnight" which Nicholas Logue had green-lighted this meeting? If not, that means it was probably too close to something Cthulhu-inspired, and that means I have two more adventures to look forward too, so I can't complain about that ;-)
I have to say that aside from the obvious Lovecraft inspiration for this query, "Chimes" was certainly in my mind as one of the coolest non-dungeon crawl adventures I'd played/Dm'd in a while.
And I did realize it would be compared to the other detective/mystery adventures set in Sharn, which is one of the reasons why I set in Vedykar instead of Sharn, even though most of my own Eberron campaign has been based out of there. The other reasons were proximity to the Mournland for the Crash, as well as House Jorasco having the major complex there, which seemed a natural fit for the asylum.
I do have a few more mystery (and Cthulhu) inspired ideas which are going to be worked up into full queries soon, and while some of them will probably end up being Eberron because of the atmosphere, I think a few could end up being generic, if not FR. Which would probably be a good thing to try and keep them from being "too similiar" to something else in production.
The Dogs of War
1. This adventure I liked, and while I wouldn't mind playing it from either a DM's or a player's perspective, I do agree with those that said it need a little more of something "special" (for lack of a better word) to differentiate itself from any other low-level adventures that used gnolls. Gnolls being somewhat popular (I'd say almost 2nd tier iconic monsters), I'd imagine that more months than not the Gatekeeper sees proposals that involve Gnolls, so it needs a little something special to stand out.
I did think that the were-hyena was a good innovation, and that definitely would stand out for the PCs, since its something we don't see every day.
2. You estimated the adventure would take up around 8500 words. Now if you knock off 1500 words for the assorted text, that still leaves 14 encounters for the adventure, using the James Jacob's approved 500 words per encounter rule of thumb. (Zherog started a thread on estimating word counts, which James replied on, for those that haven't seen it. http://paizo.com/paizo/messageboards/dungeon/generalDiscussion/archives/est imatingWordCounts)
I feel 14 encounters is a good amount, sufficient to level up the party even if they miss a few planned encounters. But even with some gnolls having class levels, the cool were-hyena boss and the hyena pack, thats still a lot of encounters with gnolls. I know you did mention that there would be random encounters to flesh out the adventure, but I feel that maybe a sub-plot is in order, or at least some memorable one-off encounters, to spice up the adventure.
I liked the suggestion to have a temple of Yeenogh uncovered by the earthquake, or some other threat that 2-3 encounters could be devoted to, but still be related to overal goal of reaching the mansion and retrieving the book. Or perhaps a second threat to the Gnolls (and PCs) is the Gnolls have fortified the ruins of the mansion?
And on a closing note, this adventure reminded me of the old Pools of Radiance PC game, and journeying out into the ruins of Phlan to Cadorna's mansion or the Library to retrieve tomes and land deeds. But that was one of my favorite PC games from the 80's/early 90's, so that was a good thing ;-)
***
The Eye of Divinity
I'll keep this one short:
1. I liked the adventure, but I feel it probably fell prey to the Gatekeeper because you used an Iconic Monster. I've fallen into this trap too (I have an unhealthy obsession with Aboleth, lol), and GGG commented on it as well in general. At one point on the Black Hole thread, James said they were getting 60-80 queries a month. And I'm guesing that a lot of those encounters use iconic monsters, yet I doubt Dungeon will publish more than one adventure a year that uses the same iconic monster.
2. I really liked the use of Mobs from DMG2 to get some good use out of the goblinoids without having to give them all class levels.
3. Lords of Madness. While I love this book (really, I have an unhealthy obsession with abberations, not just aboleths), I think it would of benefited the query if you would have gone more in depth into just what made Xyrimixis different from a standard beholder stat-wise.
4. Traps. I liked the idea of pressure plate traps, but I think they needed a bit more details on the type of traps, approximate number and CRs, etc. Normally I don't think this is such a big deal, but as the endgame of this adventure appears to be the cat and mouse game with Xyrimixis through the tunnels, I think they play a bigger role than usual, so they should be detailed in more depth.
Question:
Does anyone else plot out all of their encounters, even if all that detail doesn't make it into the query?
I go through and set a target number of encounters (10, 15, whatever) and then work my way through and roughly flesh out the encounters. In some of my queries this is obvious (Prelimary Research I even listed all the encounters with ELs), but I do it for all my queries, as I find it helps me.
Does anyone else do this?
I sent my last three queries out during the last 10 days. No word yet (although the prevelance of hags in my queries doesn't bode well!)
Yeah me too, from now on it's all sexy nymphs for me.
GGG
Question:
Does anyone else plot out all of their encounters, even if all that detail doesn't make it into the query? Does anyone else do this?
A wee bit. I never go into quite as much detail (thereby allowing myself some space. Nor do I list ELs or much in the way of the technical, which to me can be a bit hard on the reader (especially one who has to go through a lot of these). That said I do pick out monsters appropriate to the adventure's theme, mood, and character level remembering of course that I can always advance them as needs be. I never plot out all the ecounters just the highlights, as sometimes new encounters come to mind in the time between the query and the acceptance.
GGG
Question:
Does anyone else plot out all of their encounters, even if all that detail doesn't make it into the query?
Thanks so much for the feedback, Talion! It's appreciated.
I pretty much just try to guess how many encounters I think I'll need for an adventure, and then use the "500 rule" you mentioned earlier.
But I don't draw out maps or plan specific encounters when I do up the query; I generally start with one idea - in the case of "Eye of Divinity" the idea was to use a beholder, because I can't recall seeing one in the last two years; in the case of "Dogs of War" I started with gnolls being an interesting but slightly underused low level creature. The werehyena quickly came as an interesting boss idea, and then I worked the plot around the concept of "lots and lots of gnolls plus this boss."
Now, maybe I'm the wrong person to give advice here. I've written... Six? Seven? queries, and only one has made it past the Gatekeeper ("Dogs of War") and none have been greenlit yet.
Added them up last night. 50 or so proposals since late 2001. 8 or so went to 'the meeting'. 1 made it into print.
Hmmm. Maybe 30-40 proposals. Most of them went out last year... I've had 6 manuscripts requested, two which where later turned down (one was a backdrop which had no attached adventure - accepted back when Matthew was the Editor-in-Chief - my first acceptance, the other was an adventure that would have had a better shot had someone not thought of it first - Wolfgang! ;)
I fear not the render. And really that's the way to approach it. With no fear. I have two adventures that I have been asked to resubmit in a year or two, and have gone to the "final" meeting about 12 or so times.
I've seen print once (2005) and shall see print 2 or 3 times over the course of the next twelve months, or so I'm told. Hope you like them.
I've been slackin' since the beginning of this year working on other projects, but have a few ideas in the hopper for the next go around. One thing I and some "well known" friends of mine are working on is rather huge and audacious, but still only in the proposal stage....
TTFN,
GGG
Hmmm. Maybe 30-40 proposals. Most of them went out last year... I've had 6 manuscripts requested, two which where later turned down (one was a backdrop which had no attached adventure - accepted back when Matthew was the Editor-in-Chief - my first acceptance, the other was an adventure that would have had a better shot had someone not thought of it first - Wolfgang! ;)
. . .
I've seen print once (2005) and shall see print 2 or 3 times over the course of the next twelve months, or so I'm told. Hope you like them. GGG
That's a damn fine record, GGG! Well done!
Anyone have a sense of how long the period is between group query reviews?
Hmmm. Maybe 30-40 proposals. Most of them went out last year... I've had 6 manuscripts requested, two which where later turned down (one was a backdrop which had no attached adventure - accepted back when Matthew was the Editor-in-Chief - my first acceptance, the other was an adventure that would have had a better shot had someone not thought of it first - Wolfgang! ;)
. . .
I've seen print once (2005) and shall see print 2 or 3 times over the course of the next twelve months, or so I'm told. Hope you like them. GGG
That's a damn fine record, GGG! Well done!
Anyone have a sense of how long the period is between group query reviews?
Well thanks Ashenvale, though there was a time when a certain were-platypus and I put out more than 20% of the proposed queries for two or three meeting periods between us (the "shotgun approach" as Dryder likes to say) so mathematically speaking I was probably due. :) Of special note, all three of my pieces are hinted at in James' editorial in 139. Those who know me can probably guess which I'm connected to.
As for when the meetings are held well that varies depending on how busy the schedule is (convention season and the holidays are both busy periods), but usually once every four or so months.
Hope that helps,
GGG
Anyone have a sense of how long the period is between group query reviews?
As for when the meetings are held well that varies depending on how busy the schedule is (convention season and the holidays are both busy periods), but usually once every four or so months.
Hope that helps,
GGG
Much obliged! Time to stop holding my breath, I guess, and get back to writing.
(I just got this great idea for hag pirates riding aboleths waving "Dinosaurs for Demogorgon!" signs. NOBODY's thought of THIS before!)
[Well thanks Ashenvale, though there was a time when a certain were-platypus and I put out more than 20% of the proposed queries for two or three meeting periods between us...
which makes me really worried about Chris' sudden disappearance from all things Paizo or submission related stuff. Damn, I sure hope he's okay and just pulled a Trampier, but I sure wish he'd let us know something.
(I just got this great idea for hag pirates riding aboleths waving "Dinosaurs for Demogorgon!" signs. NOBODY's thought of THIS before!)
That's probably a good thing. ;)
(I just got this great idea for hag pirates riding aboleths waving "Dinosaurs for Demogorgon!" signs. NOBODY's thought of THIS before!)That's probably a good thing. ;)
You think?
Only when I have to. ;) It gives me a headache. :D
Only when I have to. ;) It gives me a headache. :D
Me too, brother!
But I'm aint givin' up on that hag-pirate-dinosaur-demony thingy! Just can't figure out how to slip in that murder perpertrated by the doppleganger or rescuing the mayor's daughter.
That's easy. Have the mayor's daughter captured by a dragon. Red is probably too cliche - try green or even white for something different. After the mayor hires the PCs to rescue his daughter, he's murdered by a doppelganger who secretly replaces him.
I have to go lie down now. I feel a headache coming on.
Our D&D game yesterday inspired an adventure titled, "It's Not Delivery, It's Olladra." I'm fighting the temptation to send it to Sutter with that title. :-p
-Amber
Give in to your temptations, Amber. Life is much more interesting that way. :D
--John
That's easy. Have the mayor's daughter captured by a dragon. Red is probably too cliche - try green or even white for something different. After the mayor hires the PCs to rescue his daughter, he's murdered by a doppelganger who secretly replaces him.
I have to go lie down now. I feel a headache coming on.
No, no, no, can't do that. Green dragon's aren't on the overused list.
And they'll never get there if we don't start abusing them now!
:D
I posted this back in the Spring, but never got a response, :( (lol). I'm getting ready to get back in the swing of things and since I really liked this query, I was hoping to get some feedback so I can improve any later submissions. Thanks:
The Urban Jungle
Length: Approximately 10,000 words.
Map Requirements: Map of Skysedge Park; map depicting vertical chase from side view; and a map depicting the various components of the chase (i.e. footbridges, balconies, etc.) from a birds-eye perspective.
I would like to submit an adventure query for your consideration. "The Urban Jungle" is a D&D adventure designed for four characters of 5th level. The adventure is set in the Eberron campaign setting, specifically in the Skysedge District of Sharn. The adventure makes use of material and information from the following source books: the Eberron Campaign Setting, Sharn: City of Towers, Races of Eberron, and the Expanded Psionics Handbook.
The city of Sharn is often referred to as "The Gateway to Xen'drik," but it is also a gateway into Khorvaire. The city is abuzz with rumors of a dark elf lurking amongst the fruit trees of the Skysedge park district. The drow elf has not emerged from his hiding place or taken any hostile action, so the city has turned to Morgrave University to manage the situation. The asthmatic Professor Gareth ir'Ulassa, a self-styled "expert" on the drow of Xen'drik, is heading the university's delegation.
The adventure begins when agents of Morgrave University contact the PCs; these contacts will introduce the PCs to Professor ir'Ulassa and the three graduate students who act as his assistants. The University wishes to gain the drow's cooperation and knowledge, but Professor ir'Ulassa has no idea how to approach the dark elf. He now seeks experienced adventurers to do so on the university's behalf, and he is willing to compensate the PCs monetarily, or, preferably, by providing access to information held by the University.
The first part of the adventure focuses on role-playing. The PCs need to develop a plan of action that will satisfy the exceedingly cautious ir'Ulassa, while taking into account the separate opinions and agendas of the three rather vocal graduate students. Finally, the PCs must contend with the intrusive presence of a gnomish reporter named Hasal Hevereth Haddacher, who has wormed his way into the Professor's favor. Haddacher's involvement may prove troublesome because he is secretly an agent of the Trust, tasked with determining whether the drow elf knows anything about the gnomish theft of elemental binding magic.
Once Professor ir'Ulassa is convinced that the PCs' plan will work, he will want them to implement it at soon as possible. The PCs will need to approach the prickly dark elf and somehow get him to emerge from his hiding place. Subsequent negotiations will prove difficult. The drow elf does not understand Common, and even if the PCs are able to establish a line of communication, he will drive a hard bargain in return for any of his knowledge of Xen'drik. The negotiations should provide many opportunities for serious role-playing and problem solving.
The drow is a solitary adventurer and explorer named Xev'ik Th'ulc (fighter 1/rogue 4/sorcerer 3). Several months ago, as he explored a particularly arid region of Xen'drik, he came across a ring of boulders that served as a shrine for a local clutch of thri-kreen. Contained within the shrine was the clutch's totem, a large Siberys dragonshard that they called "The Whispering Wind.:" Xev'ik killed the totem's guardian and stole the dragonshard, earning the undying enmity of the mantis warriors. The thri-kreen relentlessly pursued him through hundreds of miles of dense, dangerous jungle, forcing him northward, towards the port city of Stormreach. Upon reaching the city, Xev'ik had little choice but to flee Xen'drik by stowing away on a ship bound for Sharn. Days later, the surviving thri-kreen, four warriors (ranger 3) led by a druid named Thelek-Tha (druid 4) were able to continue the hunt by securing their own passage across the sea.
Disastrously, during the course of the negotiations, the thri-kreen will finally catch up to their quarry and attack, leaping from a hijacked skycoach after hurling a barrage of chatkchas. The rangers will then engage in melee with their brutal gythkas, while Thelek-Tha will use her spells to summon various types of vermin allies. Though the thri-kreen focus their attack on the drow elf, they will not hesitate to attack the PCs if they interfere or attempt to defend their prey.
However, Xev'ik is not interested in extended combat. At the earliest opportunity, he will attempt to flee over the edge of the tower by casting spider climb upon himself. Any surviving thri-kreen will pursue him, using their natural jumping abilities to leap from structure to structure. PCs who follow Xev'ik and the thri-kreen find themselves in a dangerous chase through a dense, vertical network of balconies, footbridges, lifts, and residential towers. PCs need to utilize magic and skills such as Balance, Climb, Jump, Tumble, and Use Rope to navigate the precarious terrain, while engaging in combat in a treacherous 3-D environment. Xev'ik only needs to make it to a crowded causeway, two hundred feet below, in order to facilitate his escape into the depths of the lower city. For their part, the thri-kreen will not relent until the Whispering Wind is back in their possession or they are somehow neutralized.
To succeed at the adventure, the PCs will have to save Xev'ik from the thri-kreen, prevent his disappearance into the bowels of Sharn, and gain his cooperation for the University. Beyond any promised monetary reward and equipment that the PCs may capture, the NPC contacts and information that they could potentially gain by successfully completing the adventure could be invaluable. Both Professor ir'Ulassa and Xev'ik Th'ulc could serve as excellent springboards to an expedition set in Xen'drik. Involvement with the gnomish reporter Haddacher could lead to adventure for or against the shadowy machinations of the Trust, while any surviving thri-kreen could reappear as enemies, perhaps recruited by such monstrous organizations as the Daask.
I posted this back in the Spring, but never got a response, :( (lol). I'm getting ready to get back in the swing of things and since I really liked this query, I was hoping to get some feedback so I can improve any later submissions. Thanks:
The Urban Jungle
Length: Approximately 10,000 words.
Map Requirements: Map of Skysedge Park; map depicting vertical chase from side view; and a map depicting the various components of the chase (i.e. footbridges, balconies, etc.) from a birds-eye perspective.
I think the reason it might have been rejected was that it seems to be basically one scene. The characters are tasked with cornering a drow in the city park when suddenly some thri-kreen hunters attack. The right party could probably end this adventure very quickly with the right magic. I also think that your word count is a bit high. If you count hunting the drow, interferance by the NPCs (and how exactly do they interfer?), and then the chase as three seperate encounters, I'm only seeing about 3000 words (perhaps more considering you need to stat the drow, the hunters and perhaps the gnome but even then that is only another 1000-1500 words and that's even including the "psionics in your campaign" sidebar).
Your description is very good, as are the basic story elements. I just think that the initial chase should probably be longer and more complex (or at least explained that way as you seem to have included complication in the form of the gnome and students). Case in point "The Weavers" by Richard Pett is a more drawn out version of your adventure with the added edge that failure means the destruction of the entire city, as opposed to the loss of a possible information source.
Hope that helps,
GGG
|
Both of the following articles were submitted as CW. Summer's End was rejected because it's too close to something else in the works and the other article (Natural Enhancements) was rejected because Dungeon believed it would not be of much use to DMs. I'm submitting the articles to all of you to see what you think I could have done better, if you would use em, etc.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Summer’s End:
The Harvest Festival
© Jason Sonia
Word count: 1142
The harvest festival often includes town elections, a feast, and a host of ceremonies to honor the hardworking townsfolk. It may also include a series of contests and challenges. DMs who want to try to create a memorable small town experience might consider adding a harvest festival to their campaign and using some of the contests or challenges from below to bring it to life.
Alternately, if you would like to spice up a low-level adventure without adding a combat encounter, try using any of the following contests or events (with suggested challenge rating) instead.
The Winter Moon Marathon (CR 1/6)
To enter The Winter Moon Marathon, a PC must possess a mock noble’s outfit and donate two gold pieces to the pot. All of the contestants are given an egg and must perform a series of athletic feats-as they are shouted out by the crowd-without breaking the egg. As the eggs break, contestants are eliminated. Feats include walking a greased balance beam (DC 17), jumping over a two-foot fence (DC 16), and climbing an unknotted rope (DC 15). Whenever a contestant fails a check, they must make a Reflex saving throw (DC 20) to avoid breaking their egg. The last contestant standing wins half the pot (the rest is donated to the town).
The Fight for the Harvest King (CR 1/6)
The Fight for the Winter King is a series of non-lethal duels between all of the contestants who enter. Each duel is performed in peasants’ clothing with a wooden shield and a wooden practice sword wrapped in heavy leather. No magical items of any kind are allowed. The goal is to defeat every combatant you face in one-on-one combat. Losers are immediately eliminated. The last two contestants fight for the title of The Harvest King. The winner is crowned King Winter and is treated with respect and honor for the entirety of the year. The second place winner is crowned The Harvest King and treated accordingly for the rest of the harvest festival.
The Bone Fire (CR 1/6)
This solemn and dangerous event is normally held at the end of the harvest festival, when all of the fires throughout the town are extinguished except the ‘Bone Fire’. Each willing participant is given a torch painted white and taken to a field where the ‘Bone Fire’ is lit. Once there they are blindfolded and released to light their torch. They must follow the heat (a survival check, DC 15) up to the fire and light their torch. A failed roll indicates the participant has traveled in the wrong direction. Roll 1d8 to determine the actual direction in which they travel (use the thrown weapon chart on pg 158 of the Player’s Handbook). For every five feet a character travels closer to the fire, reduce additional survival checks by 1. Once a participant comes within thirty feet of the fire, they must make a Fortitude saving throw (DC 15) to approach it further (but do not have to make further survival checks). Each five feet traveled closer demands an additional saving throw at a +1 (cumulative). Lighting the torch requires a participant be adjacent to the fire and succeed on a Fortitude saving throw (DC 20). Failing a saving throw at any point forces the participant back five feet. All participants suffer effects from exposure to fire and smoke (DMG pg 303-304). Those who light their torches are considered blessed for the entire year and may receive special gifts determined by the DM.
Harvest Moon Auction (CR 1/6)
This event requires each participant to place a simple gift-wrapped item (value must be less than one gp) on a table in the center of a large pit filled with mud. After all of the gifts are placed, each participant is blindfolded and spun in circles to disorient them (a Fortitude saving throw DC 20 to avoid this disorientation). Once completed, each participant is gently pushed into the shallow pit and races to the center to grab a gift. Once a participant has a gift, they must make their way back out of the pit. Walking in the pit is difficult (Balance DC 12 every 10’). Disorientated characters roll 1d8 to determine the actual direction in which they travel (use the thrown weapon chart on pg 158 of the Player’s Handbook). This event has no winner, but is fun to watch. On occasion, gifts of great value are secretly placed on the table.
The Oak and Ivy Dance (CR 1/6)
This simple druidic ceremony requires thirteen couples to participate. Each couple dresses in seasonal, handmade costumes and attempts to impress a crowd by performing difficult dance maneuvers. Each couple is judged in two categories. They are judged based on dress (a craft: weaving check) and on their performance (a performance: dance check). The best performance is determined by averaging each couple’s checks. The winners sit adjacent to the Harvest King during the harvest festival feast.
The Raising of the Vetula (CR Variable)
Considered taboo in some cultures, The Raising of the Vetula (a corn doll or scarecrow) is an ancient ceremony that is performed in the dead of night after a harvest festival. The Vetula is believed to ward off evil and this rite is performed with a seriousness demonstrating this belief. In order to “Raise the Vetula”, the town must select a single maiden (who may request a champion to act in her stead) to brave the dark of night on the evening preceding the harvest festival in an all-night vigil. This ordeal demands that the participant brave an entire, sleepless night chained to a tree (by their ankle) in a white robe with nothing more than a staff for protection. The participant must stay awake as long as they can and fight off any of the assailants that might present themselves (real or staged). This ordeal lasts from sundown to sunrise the next day. A normal character may stay awake for sixteen hours plus one hour per point of ability modifier (Constitution) without becoming sleepy. Each hour beyond this amount, characters must make a Fortitude saving throw (DC 15) to remain awake. Characters who remain awake are treated as fatigued and must continue to make saves (at a +1 cumulative) until morning.
Pushing the Oxen (CR 1/6)
This simple contest requires several participants to “push” an ox (or other animal) through a series of obstacles, each more difficult than the previous. Traditionally, a crowd gathers to watch and often shouts encouragement to the animal while belittling the animal’s handler. To participate, each contestant must make a series of three to five handle animal checks (DC 25). Next, each participant will roll 1d6 (per check) to determine the number of rounds it takes to attempt or pass an obstacle. The quickest person to push the ox successfully through three or more obstacles wins.
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Natural Enhancements:
Brilliant Flora
© Jason Sonia
Word count: 1134
Many environmental factors must be carefully described to players to create vivid and memorable outdoor encounters. DMs commonly include effects such as the weather, location, and lighting; however, the flora of many locations is often simplified or overlooked. This can diminish enjoyment for players whose characters rely on the skills Craft (Alchemy), Knowledge (Nature), and Survival. Conversely, the added description of a region’s plant life often brings an additional dimension to your gaming table. When creating or augmenting outdoor encounters, consider adding one or more of the following unique types of vegetation. You might also consider using any of the following plants as spell components or alchemical ingredients to act as the source for a future adventure hooks, treasure, or both.
Witherweed.
This short and scratchy weed grows in temperate plains and can be identified by the yellow and white spots that mark its leaves. It is said to enhance spells from the school of Necromancy.
Frostburst Flower.
This rare, blue-white plant flowers in cold to near arctic regions during the summer. It is believed to enhance spells with the Cold descriptor.
Aridica.
This small, orange and white flower blooms in the desert around the base of various cacti. It is frequently planted at oases and thought to enhance spells from the Luck domain.
Flameflower.
This bright red, orange, and yellow flower is a common sight in Elven forests, and is thought to have properties that enhance spells with the Fire descriptor.
Lightningwood.
A small, grayish-green plant that sprouts along the base of larger trees, often after they’ve been struck by lightning. It is commonly used when constructing wands and staves.
Creeper’s Cap.
This small, flat, and wide mushroom ranges in colors from brown to yellow. It is known to grow along the edge of temperate plains. It is edible and increases hit points gained from rest by 1 point per night.
Hagweed.
This dark gray plant grows in various regions, and it believed to be planted along the perimeter of a Hag’s domain. It is often sought as a fundamental ingredient in many poisons.
Black Stripped Willow.
This vile, black and gray tree stands about three feet high and sprouts many thorn-covered branches. It is known to be a haven for small, poisonous spiders. Its dark, yellow fruit is edible.
The Shadow Lily.
This remarkable and rare flower is easily distinguished by its black and purple petals, which magically absorb light within a one-foot radius. It is known to grow in subterranean regions and is held sacred by the Black Flame Zealots.
Mythika Grass.
This rough, wide-bladed grass is said to be extremely sharp and is commonly harvested and replanted around homes as a deterrent to wild animals. Characters whose feet are unprotected take 1 point of damage for every five feet they travel across Mythica Grass.
Boarwood.
A wild, dark brown bush sought after for its sap which is used in many poisons.
Silversheen Grass.
This grass only sprouts in Elven lands. It is commonly woven into cloth that is used to buff various precious metals, especially Mithral.
Scarwood Flower. This poisonous, black and red flower grows in temperate marshes. It is commonly used to make poisons that paralyze their victims.
Chokeweed.
This wiry, black weed is often found high in the mountains, where it clings to rocks and outcroppings. It is commonly used in poisons that induce choking and coughing.
Corpse Grass. This long, blackish-green grass is said to sprout on desecrated and unholy land, often indicating the presence of the undead.
Speckled Cap.
This multi-hued mushroom commonly sprouts underground. It is commonly used for making poisons that induce sleep and unconsciousness.
Netherwood.
This tree is easily identified by its gray and yellow markings, and can be found growing underground at the edge of bodies of black, brackish water. Its sap is said to be a delicacy to fiends. The sap is poisonous to most humanoids.
Mist Ivy.
This white and purple ivy commonly grows in cold bogs and marshes. It used to enhance spells with the Phantasm descriptor. This ivy is poisonous.
Stenchvine.
This thick, yellow vine commonly grows underground. It is used to make musk for hunting and yellow dye for printing. Although sour, it is edible.
Night’s Cap.
This large, black and purple mushroom has been known to grow to a height of nearly six feet. It is found both underground and in cold forests. It is sought after for its meaty and spicy cap.
Yellow Torii Flower.
This tiny, yellow flower is sometimes found growing close to gates that lead to other planes or locations. It can sometimes be found growing close to the homes of the Fey.
Bogwood Flower.
This palm-sized, red and purple flower grows in warm marshes and along the banks of rivers in warm to humid jungles. It is sought for its sour tasting petals. Stirges are known to frequently roost near it.
Harper’s Flower.
This large, yellow flower is identified by the blue and purple markings on the tips of its petals. It is sought after for its sweet smelling nectar, which is said to enhance spells with the Healing descriptor.
Duskweed.
This plant is commonly found on arid plains, and is sometimes used in various alchemical solutions. It is sometimes woven into carpets and mats by nomadic people. Some Orc and Goblin Druids hold it sacred.
Scragweed.
This plant is commonly found along cold, rocky outcroppings near the ocean and other large bodies of water. It is believed to be favored dish for Merfolk and Scrags.
Dream Lily.
This rare, white and pink flower has silky petals that distinguish it from many other flowers. It grows on the water, commonly in warm marshes. It is known to greatly enhance spells from the schools Illusion and Enchantment.
Violet Spores.
These small, purple pods hang heavily on the branches of their host plants. When disturbed, they fall to the ground and produce a sweet, sleep inducing dust. They are commonly sought for this property.
Impweed.
This uncommon, brown and black weed grows high in the hills of temperate to cold regions. Spellcasters who are seeking to summon their familiar commonly hunt for this, as it is believed to enhance spells with the Summoning descriptor.
Rainewood.
This tiny, frail, green-flowering bush is a common sight along the banks of rivers in warm to temperate environments. It is commonly believed to hold nectar loved by Nixies.
Hob-Hob Flower. This orange and black flower grows wild in cold to temperate forests. It is harvested by many goblin shamans who use it in tribal rites of passage. While bland and powdery in flavor, this flower is edible.
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I look forward to all of your feedback!!
Sincerely,
Jaye "will eventually get published in Dungeon" Sonia
I'm a sucker for herbal articles like "Natural Enhancements" but I think both it and the previous article suffer from being too timid with game effects and awards. I'd suggest making the second sentence of each plant listing rules text, with the content embedded in it.
Some sample rewrites to demonstrate:
Hagweed: It grants a +2 circumstance bonus when crafting poisons that do damage to Wisdom or Dexterity.
Black Stripped Willow: Families of Tiny Monsterous Spiders (Monster Manual ppp) often nest in the tree. Attempting to pick the dark, yellow fruit causes 2d4 spiders to attack.
Scragweed: It is a delicacy among merfolk and scrags, worth 2gp per pound to merchants of these races. A stand of scragweed hold 10 to 100 (10d10) pounds of harvestable plants which stay fresh for up to a week after picking.
Likewise, the faire article seems timid. CR1/6? PCs only stay level one for a session or three in most cases, and a CR1/6 challenge is meaningless to anyone else.
The other thing I'm seeing in these articles is they leave a lot of decisions up to the DM to fill in. It is believed this herb does such and such, players have to make some number of Handle Animal checks while pushing the oxen (and how does it change the time if they fail?), a player scrambling through the mud pit blindfolded must save or be disoriented... but what is the game effect of disorientation? ...and so on. Don't leave things for the DM to fill in. Lay down the law. If the dungeon editors want to change it, they will, have no fear. At least give your version of what happens, how, in rules text. Any good DM knows they can tweak the official version (which yours will be) all they want. At least give them a starting version to work from.
But let me say that I like how clever and flavorful the ideas are.
Here's a link to one of my other rejections ... this one featured myconids.
http://www.comicsonthebrain.com/index.html/228
Both of the following articles were submitted as CW. Summer's End was rejected because it's too close to something else in the works and the other article (Natural Enhancements) was rejected because Dungeon believed it would not be of much use to DMs.
On first reading both of these struck me as interesting ideas that needed to be fleshed out more. You might want to cut back on the number of entries in favor of beefing up the descriptions and game content.
Focusing on "Natural Enhancements" in particular, it actually kind of reminded me of my brainstorming notes for "Magic Mushrooms". I started out with a dozen or so ideas for weird fungi and picked the three that seemed most interesting both to describe and for DMs to insert into their adventures (which is the point after all).
I remember getting a note like that once, from Jesse Decker I think (which tells you how long ago I got my first rejection :) ) where he said "you submitted your outline not the finished product".
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On first reading both of these struck me as interesting ideas that needed to be fleshed out more. You might want to cut back on the number of entries in favor of beefing up the descriptions and game content.
Focusing on "Natural Enhancements" in particular, it actually kind of reminded me of my brainstorming notes for "Magic Mushrooms". I started out with a dozen or so ideas for weird fungi and picked the three that seemed most interesting both to describe and for DMs to insert into their adventures (which is the point after all).
I remember getting a note like that once, from Jesse Decker I think (which tells you how long ago I got my first rejection :) ) where he said "you submitted your outline not the finished product".
Thanks for the feedback. I was a bit surpised when I read your Magic Mushroom article, too ....as I had already submitted Natural Enhancements. All I could think was "Doh ...someone's already tapping vein"! Heh. I'll definitely give future articles a much more critical look!
Meh. I wish there was a "Critique My Query /before/ it fails" option. :)
I have three-four queries I'm finishing up right now. (Out of the dozen or so I've worked on over the last year, none have quite panned out.) Hopefully some of them will make it past the Render this month.
There is -- find a writing partner, or ask for help on this thread. :)
There is -- find a writing partner, or ask for help on this thread. :)
Ditto. Both have worked for me. The people here are very helpful. I haven't found a single person that is not willing to proof a submission if asked.
*laughs* It's almost too obvious an answer, isn't it? >.<
Wait a minute. Why not? Why can't we do just what Gwydion suggests?
Okay, it's probably the three glasses of cabernet talking rather than reason or inspiration -- all three in a balloon glass that could house three goldfish comfortably -- but why not? Why not create a thread dedicated to pre-submission query feedback?
Well, first, because it would leak ideas to the public before publication, so Paizo would lose sales. But, is that a real concern? Isn't there some way to create a confidential thread? I've no idea; as Kyle Reese says in [ITALICS]The Terminator[/ITALICS], "I don't know tech stuff."
Assuming technology doesn't allow creation of a confidential thread for DM's who write adventures, is this first objection reasonable? These are just proposals being batted around. Who's going to read that? Other DMs who aren't also writers? Well, . . . great! We should welcome their input. And I can't imagine they'll spurn purchase of a magazine with adventures spun out from ideas whose inception they witnessed, or, better yet, participated in. Isn't that what movie trailers are all about? Giving you a glimpse of the glory to come? Getting you excited for the real event? The same reasoning should apply to the occasional player who might hit DUNGEON's boards. Won't what they read simply build that rare individual's excitement? Plus, final adventures often seem wholly different than the proposals that spawned them, so is there any real harm here?
The second reason not to create such a thread is that we writers will fear others are stealing our ideas. Really? Once again, that doesn't seem like a real impediment. If I've got a gem of an idea, I'll just keep it to myself. But, for the most part, I'm sure I could benefit from your input into my queries. So I'll post them. Won't our queries as a whole improve if we exchange criticism and ideas freely at the inception? And won't that, in turn, improve the magazine as a whole?
I'm sure I'm missing the point here. And I'd love to keep typing and sort it all out, but my wine glass is unaccountably and unacceptably empty.
Well, Paizo HAS asked us not to post pre-submission queries here.
But...if it was a private forum...where only registered members could read and post...say perhaps a Yahoo group...
*meditates*
I know I would be interested in some pre-submission proofreading and criticism from these boards.
I was a bit surpised when I read your Magic Mushroom article, too ....as I had already submitted Natural Enhancements. All I could think was "Doh ...someone's already tapping vein"! Heh.
There was a time a few years back when it seemed like every time I got an interesting idea I would find an article using that theme in the next issue. It's an odd thing but I suspect it happens all the time.
Well, Paizo HAS asked us not to post pre-submission queries here.
But...if it was a private forum...where only registered members could read and post...say perhaps a Yahoo group...
*meditates*
Oohmm...
Unfortunately that's about the only contribution I could make to either meditation or setting something like that up (I know even less tech than some others I could mention :) ). However, if anyone with the skills creates a forum like that I believe it would prove helpful for a lot of people.
Well, Paizo HAS asked us not to post pre-submission queries here.
But...if it was a private forum...where only registered members could read and post...say perhaps a Yahoo group...
*meditates*
Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
-Brain.
Well, Paizo HAS asked us not to post pre-submission queries here.
But...if it was a private forum...where only registered members could read and post...say perhaps a Yahoo group...
*meditates*
Oohmm...
Unfortunately that's about the only contribution I could make to either meditation or setting something like that up (I know even less tech than some others I could mention :) ). However, if anyone with the skills creates a forum like that I believe it would prove helpful for a lot of people.
On some level it is true, we (would-be contributors) are all in competition with one another for very few magazine slots. And I'll admit to not sharing all of my kewlest ideas -even ones that get the axe - cause there is always 3rd party publishers who might pick one up - like I found out this morning.
Go me!
GGG
I'll admit to not sharing all of my kewlest ideas -even ones that get the axe - cause there is always 3rd party publishers who might pick one up - like I found out this morning.
Go me!
GGG
Congratulations, GGG. If we might inquire as to the third party publisher?
Congratulations, GGG. If we might inquire as to the third party publisher?I'll admit to not sharing all of my kewlest ideas -even ones that get the axe - cause there is always 3rd party publishers who might pick one up - like I found out this morning.
Go me!
GGG
You might....
;)
But I can't say yet,
GGG
PS Thanks for the congrats, but there are no beans to be spilt yet.
No suggestions for how I could have improved my offering? (The Oak Under the Earth, near the bottom of page 6.) Anybody? Anybody? Buhler?
The Oak Under the Earth
My first comment is regarding the format of the query. It would seem that you just put a series of encounters together. Visually it's broken up into several small parts (much like the elf of your adventure). I would suggest sticking to a more narrative form of query. Take out the mention of EL's and stick to highlighting the cool things (bad guys, interesting traps, environment, various skill uses, etc.)
Secondly, that first encounter: 11 purple worms. It just seems like too much. So many monsters of that size would really slow combat to a crawl (no pun intended). I suggest advancing the worms so that you only have three to deal with.
Perhaps the folk at Paizo did not appreciate some of the more gruesome aspects such as the bone chandelier with the still beating heart.
I can make more comments a bit later...
The Oak Under the EarthMy first comment is regarding the format of the query. It would seem that you just put a series of encounters together. Visually it's broken up into several small parts (much like the elf of your adventure). I would suggest sticking to a more narrative form of query. Take out the mention of EL's and stick to highlighting the cool things (bad guys, interesting traps, environment, various skill uses, etc.)
Secondly, that first encounter: 11 purple worms. It just seems like too much. So many monsters of that size would really slow combat to a crawl (no pun intended). I suggest advancing the worms so that you only have three to deal with.
Perhaps the folk at Paizo did not appreciate some of the more gruesome aspects such as the bone chandelier with the still beating heart.
I can make more comments a bit later...
I agree. It took me a double take to see the fact that the adventure was sort of taking place inside one of the characters (or at least near his vital organs). Having eleven purple worms in a maze sounds tough to pull off without it being a huge maze (something that is sometimes frowned upon). Speaking as the guy who submitted an adventure that involved a gnome who raped dryads and then turned their trees into furniture, I don't think the Dungeoneers did not appreciate where you were going, but there might have been some concern about breeching the PG13 barrier given the gruesome description. Apparently mine was thought to be cool, but a bit beyond the pale - so I guess I'm stuck writing funny.
On the whole though I think Timault Azal-Darkwarren is right, I think the proposal needs some reorganization. The opening I think in particular needs to be clearer (especially to me, a guy who recognized maybe one name out of the bunch - the guy who doesn't show up). I am not the biggest fan of opening blurbs in proposals unless it really does inform the flavor of the adventure. And while yours bespeaks of a background of betrayal, betrayal is something the PCs won't really have to deal with directly.
Hope that helps,
GGG
GGG, thanks for the feedback on "The Urban Jungle". I think you are right about how the adventure as written sounds like one extended scene, though obviously it was more stretched out in my mind. The word count estimate came from the stat blocks, all the non-core material I was using, and my rather complicated notes regarding the 3-D chase. Well, back to the drawing board (I luckily have 3 adventures in the hopper, which I hope to submit soon).