I recently received a rejection to a query letter I submitted back in August. I am okay with this, I am the first to admit not all of my ideas are great, and even some of the good ones are not to everyone's taste. That said, I was a little disappointed because the ideas in this query in particular were the kind of stuff I buy the magazine for.
So I was thinking that maybe it is my query technique that needs some work.
I know there are a number of people on this board that have had multiple articles picked up. I am hoping they will be generous with their counsel. I am someone who appreciates constructive criticism and would prefer to learn for the experience of others than go through every mistake and mistep on my own.
I know their have been a lot of comments on how, but to my knowledge no examples of successful queries have been posted. I actually had a couple that got positive responses - but in moving and changing computers - I have of course lost them. In any event I have a rejected query and invite critique and advice on how to improve going forward. I hope that by posting my letter below I am not violating some form of board etiquette - it is my hope that this post and responses to it will help other aspiring Dragon writers as well as myself, and maybe even make things easier on the good folks at Dragon.
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On Aug 25, 2005, at 8:18 AM, Noel, Scott (C.) wrote:
Dear Dragon,
Recently I've come up with a list of ideas I think would be fun for players and that would fit into almost any campaign. It is my understanding that the editorial staff prefers to have several ideas in a single query letter, it is my hope that the descriptions below are both concise enough to work through, provide enough detail for you to assess the ideas, and that they are interesting enough to consider for inclusion in Dragon. If you think that any of the basic concepts below would work better if adapted to specific themes on your schedule I am happy to adjust them.
1. Otherworldy Weapon Properties:
A collection of new properties for enchanted weapons. These properties could easily be adapted to a specific theme, the theme I was considering when developing the ideas was a collection of unique properties for the weapons of celestials, then as happens a few other ideas crept in. If it works better for you editorially, I could create specific weapons and then detail the properties as sidebars.
Angelcraft: A property not to weapons but their scabbards, a weapon so sheathed can be used normally but deals non-lethal subdual damage at no penalty.
Angelforge: The base damage of the weapon is doubled with no associated energy type.
Angelreach: This property increases the distance of the first and only the first range increment of missile weapons to a distance of 1000 ft. subsequent range increments incur penalties normally.
Angledance: This property adds 5' to the reach of the weapon, in addition weapons so enchanted can be used normally against targets in adjacent squares without invoking attacks of opportunity.
Evernight: A weapon property designed for assassins, creatures killed by evernight weapons are much more difficult and more expensive to return life, and their wounds much more difficult heal.
Foehammer: Weapons with this property inflict damage as if they were one size category larger.
Soulfire: These weapons damage the soul and essence as well as the flesh and inflict damage to the targets xp as well as his hit points, consumed xp is converted into additional temporary bonuses for the weapon.
Flamewright: Rather than inflicting greater damage, these weapons act as a lens to focus and amplify the power of spells with the flame descriptor as well as providing some protection for the wielder from spells with that descriptor.
Icewright: As the flamewright property but the energy type the weapons works with is cold.
Stormwright: As the flamewright property but the energy types the weapons work with are air and electricity.
2. Mystic Steeds:
Horses have evolved over millennia to be the perfect mount. It is true in fantasy fiction as well, and while there are notable exceptions to the horse as mount, in a campaign that strives for realism, exotic mounts, such as eagles, gryphons, hippogriffs, lizards, lions, present huge issues in terms of feeding, care, and stabling. This article describes horses that have been altered by magic to serve adventurers in a mystical world:
Wind Horse: A steed gifted with the power of magical flight plus limited teleport ability.
Zephyrim: More than a wind horse, these creatures are linked to the elemental plane of air. They possess incredible speed as well as the power of flight. The also possess gaseous form as a spell-like ability that applies both to themselves and their rider, additionally they can pass through to the elemental plane of air, and other realms connected to the plane of air.
Dream Walker: The horse can be ridden onto the astral plane and the rider can enter the dreams of sleeping individuals to leave messages or gather information.
Mare de la Mar: A horse that can run on land as well as on top of or in water, breathes water, can travel to the elemental plane of water.
Great Runner: A powerful horse capable of incredible speed (able to cover 500 miles in a single night, greater hit points, agility, and incredible jumping power.
Plane Runner: A horse that can run between the planes, improved movement, and better hit points.
Fire Stallion: Steeds from the elemental plane of fire, ability to travel between flames, flight, provides some protection from fire, can travel to the elemental plane of fire.
Forest Runner: Leaves no trace in the forest, can pass through any type of terrain unimpeded, greater movement, limited teleport ability in wilderness environments.
River Horse: Actually dragons bound into the form of horses as penance for some misdeed, these mounts are possessed of great intelligence, strength, stamina, and hit points as well as magical ability. They are however, horses for the duration of their penance and will only serves as mounts while in horse form (usually a century at least).
The article would include the price of such mounts in the marketplace as well as their appropriate level for use as special mounts.
3. Bazaar and Grill:
I have ideas for a number of venues that could add flavour and detail and be plugged into any campaign, bars and shops, inns and restaurants. Some of these places have special properties, or have natural tie ins for adventure hooks. Something venues would also have magical properties, or merchandise with unique or magical properties, a couple of examples:
Five Bearded Brothers: A restaurant run by a Dwarven family, a sort of dinner theatre where a dwarven drum quintet cooks and plays on skillets that double as drums. Sort of a Benihana grill table routine with the brothers working "in concert" to produce the houses signature dish. (Would include a menu and descriptions of dishes)
Karilien's Habidashery: Fine tailor maid elven clothing, some with special properties (self cleaning mending, responds to mood, responds to the season, or the time of day). Descriptions of extraordinary clothing for a variety of occasions as while as timings to have items made.
Krunge's Tavern: Fine orc cuisine, descriptions of the venue, tableware, manners as well as a menu and descriptions of dishes.
Other venues could include a reading room, a smoking lounge, a wine bar, an outfitters store, pawn shops, a cobblers shop, a livery/stable, a gnome and halfling restaurants, music shops, some seedy pubs, formal dining restaurants, a toy shop, coffee/tea houses, etc. all of designed to fit a world and where magic is real and all manner of vendors incorporate it into what the do.
Each venue would include one or two key NPCs.
Maybe it's presumptuous but I think a series of these venues could be a great feature.
4. Desert Spells:
I confess that I have not yet acquired Sandstorm, it is my hope that the suggestions below are not redundant. I was inspired to come up with spells that had some desert character because of my relocation to the United Arab Emirates.
Savage Sands:
This spell turns a large stretch of terrain into a mystical obstacle, disorienting the enemy as well as sapping their strength, constitution, and rate of movement, leaving them fatigued, or even exhausted.
Burning Sands:
Similar to savage sands save that the disorientation caused is more severe and creatures in the area effect take fire damage as well.
Falcon's Sight:
The caster can see clearly and in minute detail out to great distances with an unobstructed line of sight. The caster can make spot checks as if they were within 30 ft. out to distance of up to a mile, and can read scrolls and make appraise checks out to distances of up to half a mile.
Quicksand
Solid terrain becomes dust people and mounts sink into it, movement is reduced to 25%, every 5 ft of movement requires a strength check, -2 to AC, target creatures are automatically flat-footed while in the area of effect, casting spells requires a concentration check, and if creatures are in the area of effect when the spell expires or is dispelled they must dig themselves out.
Desert's Kiss
A single target is blasted with heat, resulting in dehydration damage and exhaustion.
Rage of Wind and Sand
The caster is transformed into a living sandstorm. You identify a line of travel when the spell is cast and the storm moves in that direction at a rate of 120 for the duration. With the storm growing from the point of origin out to the each of movement each round. The when the edge of the storm first impacts a creature it inflicts 3d6 thereafter creatures within the area of effect take an additional d6 each round, vision is obscured, movement is halved, and listen checks, and communication are impossible (though spells can still be cast if a successful concentration check is made). The caster reconstitutes at the center of the stormfront when the spell ends. While in storm form the caster cannot be damaged, but also cannot cast spells, or speak, though he can see.
Cunning of the Desert Trader
This grants the caster the ability to haggle more effectively, ზ on appraise checks for a single item being negotiated as well as Ƴ on diplomacy checks being made to buy or sell, character is able to realize a percentage discount or illicit a premium (depending on whether he is buying or selling) equal to their caster level.
Windlash
A jet of sand blasts a single target, inflicting 1d6 per level up a max of 5d6, in addition there is a chance to temporarily blind the target, and stinging during subsequent rounds means that spell casting and certain skill checks require a concentration check.
Sunstrike
Basically, really bad sunburn, target is dazed, is at -2 to dex, -10 to movement, and natural healing rate is halved for 1d4 days or until the target receives magical healing of 2nd level or higher.
Blessing of the Horselords
Horse can move at an accelerated rate, doesn't fatigue, can cross natural barriers, ride checks are made at plus ზ, and for the duration of the spell the caster possesses, mounted combat, mounted archery, and ride by attack as virtual feats.
Desert's Rest
With a full nights sleep a meal and water there is complete healing, affects multiple creatures.
5. Rogue and Bard Magic Items:
Skeleton Key: A key enchanted so that the open/close cantrip can be used at will, plus a limited number of knock spells each day.
Gateway: A key that opens a short dimension door through to the other side of a wall.
Planes Gate: A key that opens a gateway to another plane.
Rogue's Flight Key Chain: When a command word is spoken the wielder is teleported back to a pre-specified safe house.
Rogues Shield: If a spell does no damage as a result of a save, evasion, or improved evasion some of the spells energy is absorbed to become a Ý luck bonus to AC for a number of rounds equal to the casters level. Effects are cumulative to a max of Ƴ.
Spellbreaker: Grants the wearer spell resistance versus 5 specific spells (for example fireball). Only a limited number of spellbreakers can be worn at a time. Pricing depends on the level of resistance conferred.
Sealing Stone: Protects a defined area against thieves, within the area of effect, creatures cannot use, blink, dimension door, gaseous form, polymorph self, teleport, mass teleport, to enter. Additionally, knock, and passwall will not work on the protected area.
Night Tab: Single use item when thrown on the ground a darkness spell erupts.
Deep Night Tab: Single use item when thrown on the ground a deeper darkness spell erupts.
Torc of Dragon Song (Lesser): Doubles the benefits (i.e. ý to Ʋ) of the inspire courage bardic music ability increases the range from 30 ft to 60. Additionally, Ƴ to charisma based skill checks.
Torc of Dragon Song (Greater): As Torc of Dragon Song (Lesser), plus grants the lingering song feat, and the damage inflicted by sound burst, shout, great shout, and greater shout is doubled.
Story Teller's Harp: Ƴ to perform checks, and illusions add to the telling of stories (i.e. smoke shapes scenery in the tale/song – figures in tapestry act out parts). Duplicates the effects of a number of specific cantrips (mend, dancing lights, prestidigitation) if played long enough (minutes rather than rounds).
6. Lord of Spear & Shield:
A Spear and Shield Fighter PrC, inspired by the combat sequences in the movie, Troy. The class is a lightly armoured fighter who specializes in the use of two weapons with his shield as the second weapon. Principally, virtual feats that apply only to spear or shield (this specialization balances a greater total number of feat like abilities). Unique class abilities for this PrC include:
Masterstroke: As a full round action the character elects to make a single attack, for this attack the character adds up his total BAB. Thus a BAB of მ/ზ/Ƴ would yield one attack at ც. This ability can be used in conjunction with power attack.
Grace of Heroes: The character can apply the weapon finesse feat to all attacks made with spear or shield.
God's Stroke: The ability as a full round action that invokes and AOO to throw a spear an incredible distance 400' + 40' per level as a along range spell a limited number of times per day, with special bonuses to hit and damage.
7. Magic Items for Priests: Enchantments laid into items typically associated with priests and clerics.
Beads of Power: The beads explode and inflict damage only to enemy creatures (double to undead) and then reform.
Sacred Holy Symbol: These holy symbols are keyed to a specific spell, when the priest casts that spell it effects are maximized.
Sacred Holy Symbol (Greater): These holy symbols are keyed to a specific spell, when the spell is cast the effects are doubled.
Crest of the Gods: Adds bonuses with regard to turning undead.
Beads of Thunder: This set of enchanted prayer beads can be used a weapon, inflicting 1d12 double damage versus undead. The price is for the beads additional weapon properties can be added as to any weapon.
Beads of Faith: This set of prayer beads responds to the wearers will and possesses the properties of both a rope of entanglement, a rope of climbing, in addition they can be used a weapon inflicting 1d8, or 1d4 plus a trip attempt that does not invoke an attack of opportunity, on a critical hit the beads can wrap around the target thereafter automatically hitting and inflicting 6 points of constriction damage.
Wheel of Faith: When this prayer wheel is spun it creates the benefits of a prayer spell (though these benefits stack with prayer.
Sacred Incense: When burned, if the character prays/meditates in the presence of the incense for at least an hour he gains a ý luck bonus to all attack rolls and saving throws that day.
Bead of Truth: If a lie is told while the character holds the bead the bead cracks and darkens.
8. Mystic Prosthetics: Replacements parts for limbs lost during a career of adventuring.
Hand of Mythrayle: This hand confers a number of spell-like abilities to act as a mystical hand for the one who wears it, Spell Resistance, Dispel Magic, Mage Hand (at will) maximum weight 20 lbs., Open/Close (at will), Prestidigitation (at will), Unseen Servant (at will), and Forcewave.
Hand of Kanrashule: This prosthetic was originally created to serve the wounded prince Kanrashule. Kanrashule was great fighter reknowned for his strength and skill with a longsword. The replacement limb created for him was designed to enhance those attributes. When wielding a longsword the hand confers, ý strength bonus (to hit and damage – not in relation to encumbrance), ƶ on checks to oppose being disarmed, weapon focus, greater weapon focus, weapon specialization, and greater weapon specialization, and improved critical (all specific to longsword).
Hand of Ar: This hand enhances summoning spells, creatures summoned by a character wearing this hand, gain ý hit points per die, gain a ý bonus to their AC, Ý to attack and damage rolls, and ზ to their movement.
Hand of Ural: The wearer can touch a spot and perceive information about recent or dramatic events that occurred there, this provides a ზ to survival checks to track.
Arm of Cantil: This arm can become ethereal in parts allowing the wielder to reach through solid objects, additionally any weapon held has both the bright energy and the ghost touch properties.
Eye of Jayek'Nor: Grants lowlight vision, Ƴ to spot and search checks and grants a Ƴ on survival checks to track.
Eye of Al Tayhre: Allows the wearer to detect evil, detect magic, detect lie (3 times per day), and grants a ზ on sense motive checks.
Eye of Sahle: Grants arcane sight as a special ability, plus allows the wearer to make a check to determine and individual character level, and their current health (percentage of hit points).
9. There are a number of cities (or portions of cities) if space doesn't allow that I would like to write up and
describe including, key NPC's:
i. City of Brass (City on the Elemental Plane of Fire) or another fiery metropolis
ii. Throne of the West Wind (City on the Elemental Plane of Air)
iii. Isle of Endless Waves (City on the Elemental Plane of Water)
iv. The Halls of Karadin (City on the Elemental Plane of Earth)
v. City of Light (University/Arcane Citadel/and Supporting Community – College Town)
These offerings cold easily include a creature or PrC specific to the venue.
Thank you for taking the time to review this query, I hope you find some of them meet your editorial objectives.
Regards,
Scott Noel
National Sales Manager Saudi Arabia
Ford Middle East
I just took a quick read through your posting and I'll give my 0.02, for what it's worth. Keep in mind, there's no guarantee that what has worked for me in the past will work for you. But, to put things in perspective, if you count revisions it took me 20 rejections to make my first sale to Dragon, and I probably had to pitch close to a hundred article ideas just to get that many greenlights.
Personally I don't go into as much detail as you when doing article pitches. I just offer up a one or two sentence hook and then say, "This article will...". My approach is to make a lot of pitches and only really sit down and think about the ones that the editors are actually interested in. If I spend an afternoon thinking about something they don't want I've wasted lots of imaginative energy.
On a more general note, I suspect articles themed around new powers/creatures tied to energy and alignments/planar stuff are much harder sells since:
(a) there's a good chance something like it has already been done in one of the oodles of books out there
(b) if it hasn't already been done there's a good chance someone already thought of it and then for various reason cut the idea out meaning it's not "final draft worthy"
(c) the poor editor will have to comb through all those oodles of books out there just to make sure you haven't inadvertently duplicated something that already exists
Other things to consider, if there's a relevent book out there, like "Sandstorm" for your desert spells idea (or the "Book of Exalted Deeds" for celestials), give it a quick scan before you make the pitch! Alternately, keep the pitch vague ("desert spells are kind of neat and I believe that Sandstorm has only scratched the surface") and promise to send a more detailed outline if they're interested. That way you can go out and get a copy of Sandstorm etc before you submit the outline. Let's face it, the editors aren't interested in opening up their copy to check and see if you duplicated any spells, it's your job to provide new game content.
You might also have more luck with that restaurant idea if you tried it as a "Campaign Workbook (the city)" over at Dungeon.
Finally, a few things popped into my head as I was reading over your pitches.
-a special property for scabbards? Cool idea in and of itself, why not try an article offering up special properties for items other then armor and weapons (boots, cloaks, scabbards, etc)?
-re. your stormwright ability, air isn't an energy type (I think you referenced it that way). I make mistakes like that sometimes too, but I suspect it's also a red flag to an editor that you're going to be more work then someone else.
-river horse? A dragon compelled to assume a different form as punishment? Another really, really intriguing idea. That too could potentially form the basis of an article. Monsters in new forms (magic items, domesticated animals, etc) offering up interesting new options to their "owners". You could talk about this sort of thing comes about, present a list of good monster candidates and then offer up some specific examples.
That's what came to me from a quick read. Once again, there's no guarantee that anything I said actually makes sense :)
Thanks for the advice, I will incorporate it into my next few query submissions.
I'll definately try your suggestion regarding the scabbards.
How many ideas do you usually include in a query?
i send no more than 5 ideas in a single query. i don't want to overload someone reading all of that at once. ;)
Thanks for the advice, I will incorporate it into my next few query submissions.
I'll definately try your suggestion regarding the scabbards.How many ideas do you usually include in a query?
No problem :) I almost always send in five ideas per query. But I usually send in a lot of queries over a short period of time. I call them "pitch weeks" and I tend to send in twenty to thirty ideas over a number of emails. Sometimes I theme them to a particular topic or issue. For instance, I just finished my most recent pitch week a few days ago (I do one about every four months or so). This time around the subject headers were:
-Bulscary (5 ideas for the next Halloween/October issue)
-Bulmagic (5 ideas for magical themed articles intended for the next December issue)
-Bulmahn 11, 12, 13 and 14 (a total of 20 ideas not tied to any particular issue or theme).
If I get the greenlight on four or five of those thirty ideas I'll consider it a successful pitch week.
Contributor
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I pitch between three and five articles at once. I keep the ideas short and direct until I get a green light. I try to find topics that target areas of the game where I think there are holes or a lack of detail in the core books, mostly based on stuff I or player's need in my own games. I rarely work off a theme that might get covered in a book or that is broad enough to encompass a chapter, but rather I look for little things that often get skipped over. I might have sent a few hundred, queries which in the end have landed a handful of published articles. It probably helps that I go to Gen Con and sit in the how to write for Dragon and Dungeon and WotC and everyone else who has a seminar things too, and take copious notes and try my hardest to apply them.
The editors are really good at telling people what they are looking for and oddly enough, whenever I follow their advice, I usually get greenlighted.