The "spores" suggestion has been made many times in this thread and it baffles me. Neither pollen nor spores are used by any real animal. Spores grow on their own, while pollen fertilizes the other gamete on plants -- perhaps the flowers on the tree-statues, in order to produce more pollen. :)
Made it usable by all spellcasters instead of just wizards, removed the "language-dependent descriptor" condition, raised the price from 4,000gp to 6,000gp, replaced the magic mouth requirement with imbue with spell ability and made accompanying aura and CL changes, partially reworded. Quill of the Tengu Sage
A spellcaster may use the quill to conceal a spell with a single target within an ordinary text. The process of writing the text takes one hour (or the spell's casting time if longer), during which the creator makes all the decisions normally made at the time of casting. The completed text must be at least one page long and emits a magical aura of the same strength and school as the spell stored. A spell stored in this away permanently uses up a spell slot (for a prepared spellcaster) or a spell per day (for a spontaneous spellcaster) until the text is read, upon which the text becomes nonmagical. The creator chooses whether to maintain the effect each day when receiving spells. When the text is read in full, the spell is cast upon the reader at the creator's caster level. The creator is aware that the spell was triggered but does not know the nature of the target nor whether the spell had the desired effect. Any attempt to store additional magical writing in the same text triggers both the original spell and (if applicable) the new glyph or rune, destroying the text.
I know, but nothing stood out enough for my 7th and 8th. Or maybe I'm just indecisive. :)
Like the Everbloom Monk, this archetype achieves perfect River Kingdoms feel through mechanics instead of forced flavor fluff. Like the Skinchanger, this archetype provides a balanced mechanical identity for a figure that already exists in popular imagination -- an archetype! Like the Scallywag, this is a charming idea that I would love to play.
Usually the position of judging a friend against strangers is awkward, full of worry about whether you're unreasonably biased.
This thread is aggravatingly difficult to follow. :( If anyone wants more critiques primarily on language use and flavor, or are just desperate for another review, they can message me and I'll post it here.
I'm really looking forward to round 2, constraining it to the river kingdoms should breed a lot of creative ideas. My brainstorming came up with the Doombreaker oracle, the Reclamation Druid, and the Danglosa's Lure bard... hm, maybe I should finish them and check out the homebrew forum.
I'm going to attempt to ensure that no one who wants criticism walks away from the thread empty-handed, or at least make progress into the long list of people who currently fall into that category.
Nautilus Pack of Tangled Tentacles:
I encountered this item during voting and was enthralled by the flavor of a living or psuedo-living creature to replace the ubiquitous and metagamey bag of holding. It was one of the two items I saw while voting (along with Roost of Razors) that excited me enough to describe to my friends, which is high praise even coming from a measly Star Voter (on a different alias). That said, you should work to improve your presentation and language. Your first sentence – "This back pack is similar in appearance to the right half of a nautilus shell with an opening at the top." – buries the idea in an unnecessary logistics diagram. Compare that to something more evocative like "This polished spiral shell hangs from the wearer's neck by four rubbery suckers." ; the reader might be disgusted or fascinated, but either way you've drawn them in. My top advice would be to get some proofreaders who don't play tabletop games (in addition to ones who do). They're more focused on the wording than the mechanics and can help you catch inconsistencies and poor wording like using both "the right half" and "the back half" (you've just drawn and quartered the poor thing!)
Meddler's Mirror:
The idea is great: it's simple but interesting, with an added spellcasting flair to make it exciting. However, unclear mechanics and language obscure the idea and make the submission much harder to understand and much less appealing. I had to read it several times before I figured out exactly how it worked. Here's an example of a much shorter description that could have replaced everything but the spellcasting: "This eight inch hand mirror is constructed of elegantly wrought silver, with oval head and short handle. Once per day the user may bind the mirror to an object or creature reflected in its surface, displaying the target as though the mirror were following it from the same perspective for the next 24 hours. Creatures and attended objects may negate this effect with a Will save (DC 18)."
Disappearing Weapon Cord:
A very solid useful item in my opinion, and proof that a less than flashy item can make it very far in the voting. One serious problem in my book is the lack of rules for what happens to the stored weapon when the cord gets cut. You've left it completely up to the DM with no guidance, besides which a creative effect is both traditional when messing with extradimensional spaces and a good opportunity for you to demonstrate something more cinematic without altering the basic function. Also, "The stored weapon's weight is negligible." is probably unnecessary, but that's just a nitpick.
I took so long doing these that an indomitable reviewer covered all of them and got through every item on the first 2 pages, but that's fine by me. :)
unreviewed items: Page 3: obi of the ghoul hunter spellvoid mantle amulet of construct skin sea nettle submersible gloves of silent echoes gravedigger's lantern motley gum beardforge paper messenger laurel of kurgess Page 4:
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Well, I'm all warm and fuzzy inside now. Thanks, all.
Thanks for the mention, Garrete Guillotte! I made the Quill of the Tengu Sage and never saw it during voting nor thread discussion until now. Glad you liked it. :)
Good lord, am I still on the internet? This has been the most respectful public discussion of women in gaming that I've read in years. I'm sorry not to contribute much of value, but this is really making me want to spend more time on the paizo forums.
Tim the Cabin boy walks the plank. 5d4 rounds later, an enormous Tim arises from the sea to wreak revenge.
Use the other top 32 broken mirror item to turn yourself into a swarm, get sucked up by the frog statue, put the statue into some sort of stasis container where it won't open, decorate it with gold, and deliver it to the court of your enemy. To get the Trojan Frog achievement, of course.
A good choice of transplant from tales of Baba Yaga &c., but since it is a transplant, I would prefer it to be true to the original and have the comb actually transform into the illusory forest, reverting back to be picked up when the spell is over. Or go a completely different route and transform the comb into a permanent, material forest. As written, it takes an existing idea and transforms it into something that feels like an ordinary Pathfinder style item, which doesn't sound like RPG Superstar material to me. tBut "Witchwood Comb" is the perfect name. :) EDIT: To those asking what it's based on or finding examples elsewhere, this comes from a type of fairy tale that ends with the villain [e.g. the witch Baba Yaga] pursuing the hero [e.g. a young girl], who uses a variety of mundane objects given to her by her mother or a helpful animal to slow down her pursuer. One of these is a comb that sprouts into a forest; another is a handkerchief (I think) that turns into a sea. The morale suppressor is original as far as I know, though.
I'm not a fan of this item (although congratulations on reaching top 32). I have trouble visualizing a sash granting you these miscellaneous abilities (it helps you swim somehow, and is a water gun, and can suck salt out of water). The third and fourth are the most interesting but have mechanical problems: I would expect a ranged touch attack from the third, and the fourth is plagued by strange 10 ft. squares that have to be connected, support unspecified weight but don't like running people, and sink if unconnected to... the original square? any other square?
Where are people getting the 625 uses idea? A new bar of soap can affect up to 25 square feet of surface before it is expended. It can be applied in smaller amounts, to a minimum of 1 square foot per use. Thus only 25 uses maximum, correct? Anyway, I think there's a design tradeoff here that prevents you from pleasing everyone with this item. As is, it's a charming take on a simple idea, but I personally would have traded off some simplicity in favor of 'oomph'; perhaps allowing the player to expend an entire bar of soap to scrub completely through a surface. |
