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You didn't make the top 32, but you made a great item! You've gotten lots of advice and critiques. Has this inspired you to revise your item? Tweak it to follow the advice you got? Fix that fatal flaw that changed it from kind of neat to really awesome?
Well I've sure been inspired.
Here's my revised item!
Bracers of Daring Exploits
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 10th
Slot wrists; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
Each of these brass or bronze bracers are decorated with seven star emblazoned shield emblems.
These bracers protect the wearer when performing perilous deeds in combat. The bracers have 7 charges that are renewed at dawn each day. Whenever the wearer is the target of an attack of an opportunity, he can use an immediate action and spend 1 or more charges from the bracers of daring exploits. For each charge spent, the wearer gains a +5 luck bonus to his AC and CMD against that attack of opportunity, as the powers of good fortune smile on the audacity of the wearer. In addition, he gains a +5 luck bonus to his CMB until the end of his next turn. Each time a charge is spent, one of the emblems on each of the bracers is covered with verdigris. The wearer gains a +1 luck bonus on saving throws versus fear effects for each pair of verdigris covered emblems on his bracers of daring exploits, to a maximum of +7 when all the emblems are covered.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, divine favor, remove fear, and shield of faith; Cost 5,000 gp
Can you post with additions underscored and deletions struck out?
No, unfortunately there is no way to do that, but you could do for deletions and bold for additions.
Bracers of Daring Exploits
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 10th
Slot wrists; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.Description
Each of these brass or bronze bracers are decorated with seven star emblazoned shield emblems.
These bracers protect the wearer when performing perilous deeds in combat. The bracers have 7 charges that are renewed at dawn each day. Whenever the wearer is the target of an attack of an opportunity, he can use an immediate action and spend 1 or more charges from the . For each charge spent, the wearer gains a +5 luck bonus to his AC and CMD against that attack of opportunity, as the powers of good fortune smile on the audacity of the wearer. In addition, he gains a +5 luck bonus to his CMB until the end of his next turn. Each time a charge is spent, one of the emblems on each of the bracers is covered with verdigris. The wearer gains a +1 luck bonus on saving throws versus fear effects for each pair of verdigris covered emblems on his , to a maximum of +7 when all the emblems are covered.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, divine favor, remove fear, shield of faith; Cost 5,000 gp
Dan, this is an awesome thread!
Now for a suggestion or two in good spirit.
There are a few points to consider on this item. I'm bracking recommendations in to the quoted item.
Notes:
- Construction requirements do not include "and" when there are multiple spells involved.
- The intent seems to be that the charges recovering at dawn removes the verdigris, but it isn't quite spelled out.
- As far as I know, magic item names are italicized all the time.
- Point of consideration is "gaming" the charge expenditure to gain a +7 luck bonus vs. fear until the next sunrise.
The luck bonus is a narrow one, but one often encountered at mid to high level play and it stacks with the most common bonus against fear effects: morale bonuses.
The Pillars Dexter
Aura moderate universal; CL 8th
Slot hands; Price 10,000 gp (one glove); Weight -.
Description
A dark silvery right-handed elbow-length workman's glove, a dexter is designed to draw on the 4 fundamental pillars that support universal arcane spellcasting: artifice, alchemy, arcane bonds, and universal school magical training.
Any dexter wearer may, when throwing alchemical weapons with his right hand (such as alchemist fire vials or thunderstones, including (un)holy water, but not poisons), add his Intelligence bonus to his primary target's initial damage, or raise the save DC by 2. His right hand is considered to have hardness 10 against damage, allowing him to handle extremely hot, acidic or other dangerous objects with it safely.
Wearers with the arcane bond class feature may bond a dexter free of cost, replacing any previous arcane bond. A bonded dexter can change its appearance to resemble any type of handwear. A bonded dexter may be worn with a glove of storing, unlike other magical gloves.
A dexter wearer can use the hand of the apprentice class feature to hurl forth alchemical weapons and vials, in addition to melee weapons.
A dexter wearer with the metamagic mastery class feature may spend a use to double the initial damage inflicted by an alchemical thrown weapon, or to double the radius affected by it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shrink item, creator must have the hand of the apprentice class feature; Cost 5,000 gp
Less dense and easier to understand now? More balanced? not trying to do too much?
==Bob Drouin
The two biggest things I've fixed here are:
- remove the mad science vibe
- make things simpler (remove the "per five HD" I was using).
ironically, my rewrite added words, so I also removed the ability to raise a target temporarily from the dead.
Motive Capacitor
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This large, bronze scarab glows faintly from within, which thrums rhythmically as if it were alive. When the motive capacitor is charged with a full five charges, this light is as bright as a torch – though it is weaker than even a candle when expended. Affixing the capacitor to a living target requires a melee touch attack, at which point it immediately activates.
If the capacitor has one or more charges, it discharges its entire store of energy into the target, granting a bonus for each charge the capacitor held. For each charge the target gains 5 temporary hit points, a +1 motive bonus on attacks, saves and skills, and the creature is treated as one level higher for the purpose of level-dependent variables. These effects last for a number of rounds equal to the number of charges spent before dissipating, at which point it detaches.
If affixed to an intelligent, living creature while empty, the capacitor attempts to drain its motive, forcing it to make a DC 16 Fortitude save each round or gain one negative level. For each negative level so bestowed, the capacitor gains one charge, until full, at which point it detaches.
A motive capacitor can be removed early, immediately ending its effects, if the target takes a standard action to do so and succeeds a DC 16 Fortitude save. Failure leaves the capacitor attached, and does 1d6 points of damage to the attached creature.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, enervation, vampiric touch; Cost 20,000 gp
Mantle of a Thousand Hands
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 4th
Slot shoulders; Price 8000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Golden thread embroiders this black satin shroud with figures resembling hands reaching for an ornate diamond shape on the garment’s back. At will, the wearer may conjure a collection of additional hands from underneath the mantle to hold and manipulate up to four objects. After one round, the hands withdraw into the mantle, dropping any items still in their possession and disappearing without a trace. They may seem to originate from any unseen or non-frisked area underneath the shroud, including the wearer’s back. These hands resemble that of their wearer’s, even possessing mundane clothing such as gloves and rings.
As a swift action, the wearer may use the mantle of a thousand hands to store or retrieve an item from her person. Alternatively, she may draw or sheathe a light weapon, but may not use the conjured hands to wield a weapon. This does not provoke an attack of opportunity.
The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to Sleight of Hand checks using the mantle of a thousand hands if observers see the wearer’s real hands performing an activity that would not raise suspicion.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, creator must have 3 ranks in the Sleight of Hand skill; Cost 4000 gp
Original Version:
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 4th
Slot shoulders; Price 3500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Golden thread embroiders this black satin shroud with figures resembling hands reaching for an ornate diamond shape on the garment’s back. At will, the wearer may conjure a collection of additional hands from underneath the mantle to perform a deftly handled task. After one round, the hands withdraw into the mantle, dropping any items still in their possession and disappearing without a trace. They may seem to originate from any unseen or non-frisked area underneath the shroud, including the wearer’s back. These hands resemble that of their wearer’s, even possessing mundane clothing such as gloves and rings.
As a swift action, the wearer may use the mantle of a thousand hands to store or retrieve an item from her person. Alternatively, she may draw or sheathe a light weapon, but may not use the conjured hands to wield a weapon. This does not provoke an attack of opportunity.
The wearer gains a +2 competence bonus to Sleight of Hand checks using the mantle of a thousand hands. Observers not aware of the mantle’s usage receive a -2 penalty to their opposing Perception check. This penalty increases to -3 if the observer sees the wearer’s real hands performing an activity that would not raise suspicion.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, creator must have 1 rank in the Sleight of Hand skill; Cost 1750 gp
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Modfied
Laurel of Kurgess
Aura weak abjuration and weak transmutation; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 5,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
This shimmering crown of evergreen bay laurels perpetually gives off a refreshing aroma. Once per day, the wearer may choose to protect someone other than herself from precision damage, damage from a critical hit, a trap or damage during a surprise round by taking double as non-lethal damage. She may activate this ability as an immediate action, so long as it is done before the results of the damage roll have been revealed. Once, she chooses to take the non-lethal damage its affects end and are not available until she rests for 8 hours. Additionally, she gains a 10-foot enhancement bonus to her speed and may use the laurel as a holy symbol of any good-aligned deity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, longstrider, shield other Cost 2,500 gp
Aura moderate conjuration and weak transmutation; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 8,000 gp; Weight .5 lbs.
Description
This shimmering crown of evergreen bay laurels perpetually gives off a refreshing aroma. Twice per day, the wearer can ignore an effect that causes fatigue or reduce an effect that causes exhaustion to fatigue. Additionally, she gains a 10-foot enhancement bonus to her speed.
If a non-good character attempts to wear the laurel, the leaves immediately wither and give off a foul odor. The non-good wearer still receives the boons of the item, but she also suffers a -1 penalty to Reflex saves made to avoid traps and to Armor Class against attacks made by traps. She cannot remove these penalties except by removing the laurel and resting 8 hours.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, longstrider, restoration, creator must be good; Cost 4,000 gp
Aura Moderate Transmutation and Enchantment; CL 5th
Slot Body; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 0.5 lbs.
Description
Upon dawning this simple green vest, the wearer reduces in size as the spell reduce person and sprouts a pair of figment wings for as long as he wears the vest.
The color, shape and pattern of the wings can be altered by visualizing a new form as a free action.
As a free action 5 times per day, the wearer may think a happy thought, causing the wings to flutter and and bear him aloft as the fly spell for 1 minute.
A command word causes a vest pocket to produce a pinch of arrow-altering magical pixie dust three times per day. Once produced the dust may be drawn and sprinkled on an arrow as a free action, altering the arrow for one round. As long as the arrow is altered in this way, it does not inflict damage when it hits, only causing its new effect. The wearer may choose one of the following effects when changing an arrow this way. Unused dust loses its potency after one hour.
[/list]
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Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Dancing Lights, Charm Person, Fly, Reduce Person, Lesser Confusion, Sleep; Cost 10,000 gp
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot Body; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This ornate overcoat is dyed emerald green with vibrant pigments from the First World. Light refracts from the coat's surface as though it glistens with morning dew.
The fairy knight overcoat allows the wearer to bring the prowess and stealth of the fairy folk to bear against the big folk. The wearer may gesture as a swift action, cutting his stature in half and sprouting a pair of violently fluttering illusory wings, the description of which is the wearer's choice. The transformation complete, the wearer is suspended 3 feet off of the ground, hovering in his square. The wearer magically reduces one size category (see reduce person), and gains a supernatural fly speed of 60 feet with perfect maneuverability for up to 5 minutes per day. This is a polymorph effect. The duration of the effect need not be spent consecutively, but it must be spent in one minute intervals. The flight magic fades slowly, granting the wearer a feather fall effect for 1d6 rounds upon returning to normal size.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fly, reduce person; Cost 6,000 gp
I'm too tired to give it a real close look, but the name is 100 percent better, IMO, Archomedes. Not sure I like overcoat -- feels too modern -- but I like the imagery of fairy knight. Nice description, though I think First World should be capped.
Your item name should be lowercase in the description of the item, though.
The Pillars Dexter
Less dense and easier to understand now? More balanced? not trying to do too much?
==Bob Drouin
First the positive:
Your item is amazingly awesome and balanced. Probably top 100 at least. Did not see this item during voting.Now the constructive criticism:
On the name:
Your items name is two separate references without a noun. After consulting two dictionaries I did not find dexter either described as a glove or as a synonym for glove. After some further research and following the clue that this item effects your right hand, I determined that this is a reference to "Dexter and Sinister" of heraldry or the latin adjective for skillful and on the right side or in the right hand.
When I read "The Pillars Dexter" I think "One or more pillars described as/or of dexter"
When you refer to your item as "the dexter" it further raises my hackles with each instance. Which is sad because I really want to like your item for its awesome factor in design and mechanics.
Overall, the first couple sentences of your entry seems like a bad place to define new terms and concepts. I think voters would respond better to something they can relate to.
On mechanics:
It seems too good for 8th level bomb focused alchemists. It also seems mostly geared toward just one school of wizardry, which makes it good for item books, but less attractive in superstar.
I'm too tired to give it a real close look, but the name is 100 percent better, IMO, Archomedes. Not sure I like overcoat -- feels too modern -- but I like the imagery of fairy knight. Nice description, though I think First World should be capped.
Your item name should be lowercase in the description of the item, though.
Thanks for the quick critique, gave me time to edit it. Agree on capping the First World as a proper place name, and evocative descriptions and concepts are certainly superstar, I felt inadequate half way through earning my Star Voter badge with "simple green vest." The word overcoat has it's origins in the 18th century. Thought about including how it was a "nobleman's overcoat" but I didn't know if that was being too verbose.
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Beardforge
The Beardforge brightened my mood every time it showed up, so I voted for it a lot is what I'm saying. I like this, I think I would like a blacksmith's hammer "Beardforger" more.
Mechanically I would not advise basing uses per day on the user. Creates balance issues. I think I would prefer ironbeard at will. Less wonky, seems to fit for the price point, though every martial and his mother will want one at a certain level.
I am strangely at peace with that imagery.
Laurel of Kurgess
I still don't know who Kurgess is, but a verdant laurel as a holy symbol of a good deity seems awesome.
Constructive Criticism: I would have kept the original bit about the rotting on an evil character's head, maybe have it grant a permanent negative level that vanishes when the laurel is removed like a holy sword.
Mechanically it could benefit from some rewording. "A cleric of a good aligned deity may use the laurel as a holy symbol." should stand on its own.
Without the whole "wilts if you are evil" think I start to wonder who Kurgess is, and that bothers me. I also wonder if the theme is tied together well between the self-sacrifice, the speed and the laurels. However, I'm not motivated to look this up, and would probably have down voted this version for having a weak thematic tie. I would have the word Kurguss hyperlink to here http://www.pathfinderwiki.com/wiki/kurgess. That way if a voter's hackles are raised, they can assuage they doubts and indulge their curiosity.
Bracers of Daring Exploits
As it is, anyone who isn't a halfling is going to want one or two of these as soon as they have 10-5K to spend, and I'm not sure getting +5 bonus 7 times per day seems unfair to me as a GM. It certainly wouldn't seem fair to me attached to a high level BBEG as a player.
Mantle of a Thousand Hands
Constructive Criticism: Carrying capacity of the hands is not listed, doesn't explicitly say that the hands may be used to preform slight of hand skill checks. In fact, beyond drawing things quickly, no abilities of the hands are listed. Can they preform any action the wearer's normal hands could perform except attack, why can't they attack? Did you mean to say they do not grant additional offhand attacks? I think that is what you meant, but it isn't what you wrote. If they can hold weapons and can do anything a hand could do, I would assume they could load a pistol or hand crossbow and fire it from concealment, just not as an additional offhand attack or when wielding a two handed weapon. That seems about balanced.
As is the hands provide too little benefit. Do the hands drawing items or weapons as swift action transfer those items to the wearer's normal hands as a part of that action? If not how long does it take to shift a weapon from one of the cloak hands to a primary hand that can make an attack with it?
I think some further revision is in order.
Beguiling Bauble:
Constructive criticism: Took too long for me to understand how this one works mechanically, and the payoff seems to take too long to achieve. It seems like a plot devices or a skill/will save challenge I would present to my players on the fly if I wanted a memorable encounter with a mesmerizing NPC. PCs would then proceed to pawn this thing off immediately if not sooner. Have you done any playtesting of this item? You might want to set up a playtest with some friends and see how it works and how often you have to explain how it works. Simple explanations trump complex ones when a simple one will do.
Motive Capacitor
I hated the "per 5 hit die thing" but thought that motive raising the dead was phenomenal.
That said I don't like it as a scarab. Maybe a clockwork scarab. A scarab would make more sense if it still raised the dead though.
I did some research into motive, and found motive power. Motive makes little sense by itself. "Drains motive power" and "bonus do to a surge in motive power" read better to me. Also, maybe the staggered condition should be applied for 1 round on a successful save, to represent the motive power being temporarily reduced by the attack, if I understand what you mean by motive power. Admittedly, I am not sure that I do understand, not fully, tell me if I'm close?
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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Archomedes,
I loved making this a good aligned item, but it seemed a lot of my feedback was that it was not wanting a good aligned. I think I would make a change to the wording as well, but since Cleric's aren't the only users of holy symbols, I would have said "A worshipper of a good aligned deity..."
I was wondering if people would know who Kurgess is, outside of his terrible favored weapon, I think he's one of the coolest Gods in the game. But you're right adding the link would have showed how all of this tied together in a pretty pink bow :D.
Archomedes; You're bang on that I'm using "Motive" to represent "Life Force", . And I'm really glad you had liked the raising dead power, it was a pain to cut it, but - well - I needed the words. Clearly, I need to figure out some other way to save word count rather than cutting the power. *mutter mutter*
I do appreciate the feedback, thanks! I might make a third pass of the item here in the near future.
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Made it usable by all spellcasters instead of just wizards, removed the "language-dependent descriptor" condition, raised the price from 4,000gp to 6,000gp, replaced the magic mouth requirement with imbue with spell ability and made accompanying aura and CL changes, partially reworded.
Quill of the Tengu Sage
Aura moderate evocation and divination; CL 7th
Slot none Price 6,000 gp; Weight –
Description
This long, black feather is capped with a silver pen nib in the shape of a bird's tongue. In the hands of a writer who does not know its purpose, its ink writhes across the page, altering the handwriting and sometimes the meaning of the writer. Someone trained in Linguistics may take advantage of this to forge a document in a language they cannot read.
A spellcaster may use the quill to conceal a spell with a single target within an ordinary text. The process of writing the text takes one hour (or the spell's casting time if longer), during which the creator makes all the decisions normally made at the time of casting. The completed text must be at least one page long and emits a magical aura of the same strength and school as the spell stored.
A spell stored in this away permanently uses up a spell slot (for a prepared spellcaster) or a spell per day (for a spontaneous spellcaster) until the text is read, upon which the text becomes nonmagical. The creator chooses whether to maintain the effect each day when receiving spells.
When the text is read in full, the spell is cast upon the reader at the creator's caster level. The creator is aware that the spell was triggered but does not know the nature of the target nor whether the spell had the desired effect.
Any attempt to store additional magical writing in the same text triggers both the original spell and (if applicable) the new glyph or rune, destroying the text.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with spell ability, tongues; Cost 3,000 gp
Critique of Quill of the Tengu Sage
Its an item that makes items, I'm less than enthused.
It can be used an unlimited number of times, capped only by how many spell slots you are willing to keep invested.
It makes writing weird in a way that allows you to make documents you can't read.
This would make a neat archetype, or even a base class, but I'm not sure it works as an item.
I don't understand the relationship between Tengu Sages and the ability to make pages of text that can finger of death or bull's strength you.
Wouldn't a Tengu Sage use a brush?
Thanks for the critique.
1) The original version limited it to spells with the [language-dependent] descriptor, which is more related to language-loving tengu and more balanced. I was told repeatedly that the item was "too niche" so I experimented with this change to see if it would be better received. Considering balance implications especially, I still prefer the original limitation (and I would knock the price back down to 4,000 gp or thereabouts).
2) Since tengu have feathers, it makes a lot more sense to me that they would use quills. And I like the ambiguity -- is this a quill used by a tengu sage, or plucked from a tengu sage?
3) The limitation by spell slots was actually the feature I was complimented on most, since it balances the item with the very straightforward currency exchange of 1 spell slot = 1 spell.
4) I don't share your objection to items that make (specific) items, or items that "make writing weird", but I understand the desire to keep things simple.
5) Interesting idea to make this an archetype or class. Given the hugely varied reactions I got (from Epic Meepo's personal top 16 to GM_S.'s "lower-middling", and almost every review giving me a new critique), you're probably correct that this is too ambitious to be a widely appealing wondrous item.
It's funny how some items "meh" at first and "wow" later - and the reverse as well.
Thanks for the critique.
There are only 4 wizard spells I could find with the language dependent descriptor. Suggestion, Mass Suggestion, Geas, and Lasser Geas So, yeah, too niche.
The quill would make more sense tied to clerics/oracles or if it depended on the compulsion descriptor instead. The mind-affecting descriptor expands things further, to include necromancy and illusion. Affecting the mind with magic concealed within text makes sense and is probably superstar.
A lot of other spells working that way doesn't make as much thematic sense.
I agree, the mind-affecting descriptor is a better fit – thanks! (And yes, the original wizard limitation was awful.)
I'm too tired to give it a real close look, but the name is 100 percent better, IMO, Archomedes. Not sure I like overcoat -- feels too modern -- but I like the imagery of fairy knight.
How about "Fairy Knight Surcoat"?
That would work for me, Clay.
I'm too tired to give it a real close look, but the name is 100 percent better, IMO, Archomedes. Not sure I like overcoat -- feels too modern -- but I like the imagery of fairy knight.How about "Fairy Knight Surcoat"?
That is the perfect word. No wonder you're in the top 16. I knew that there was a word for an outer garment worn over armor, but I wasn't sure what it was.
Thanks for your critique on Mantle of a Thousand Hands, Archomedes. I'll make some further revisions
My original items was the Orb of Aggravation. Here is what it has become:
Harpy Egg
Aura strong transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 750 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A Harpy Egg appears to be an iron ingot the size and shape of a goose egg, criss-crossed with grooves in no apparent pattern. When thrown at an enemy within fifty feet, requiring a successful ranged touch attack, the egg separates at the seams to reshape itself into a rough-cast harpy figurine the size of a human fist. It then flies around the target, striking sensitive areas, pulling down sword belts, or spitting iron filings in eyes. For five rounds, beginning the round it was thrown, it executes the Dirty Trick combat maneuver against the creature it was targeted against with a CMB of +10, bestowing one of these conditions (roll 1d6):
1-blinded
2-dazzled
3-deafened
4-entangled
5-shaken
6-sickened
The condition persists for one round plus one round for each 5 points the CMB roll exceeded the enemy's CMD, and may be removed with a move action. The harpy does not provoke attacks of opportunity, but may be attacked. It has an AC of 16, a hardness of 10 and 5 hit points. After the fifth round, the Harpy Egg crumbles into dust.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, telekinesis; Cost 375 gp
I wrote a blog post about this here:
A Tale of Two Items, or Why I'm Not A Superstar
The random effect is still there, but the price increased a bit, the CMB lowered and it requires a ranged touch attack to deliver. I suppose "spamming" is still a possibility, but by the time an adventuring party is able to dump that amount of resources into multiple of these for a single enemy, the CMDs of the enemies should make the issue somewhat moot. Thoughts?
My initial reaction is I like it a lot more, Randall. Making it a harpy adds some much needed color.
I think it's probably still a little undercosted, but I can understand not wanting to make a consumable TOO much. Even so, it's basically giving you an extra combatant for a combat so probably should be a touch more expensive.
Other thing I noticed is when using your item's name in the description, it should be lowercase and italicized.
Jacob, thank you for the feedback. I still think it's well below the bar set by the Whip Feather Token, since that really is like another combatant, lasts longer and can be directed. The conditions you can apply via Dirty Trick are hindering, but with every one you can attack anyway with penalties. The damage + grapple + hour duration + directing of the whip I really feel is a lot more than this does. I guess I would ask if people think the whip is undercosted... and the answer to that very well may be yes.