Vladimir Zarlatzkji's page

I did add them a couple of weeks ago O.O
And anyway the loot spreadsheet is editable by all of you.

Vladimir takes out his pocket notebook and flips it open to a page filled with numbers. "You vere closed in your lab for that month, Tikkik, but ve had an unpleasant visit from some people claiming this land by hereditary right or somesuch. I had to run them through the ledgers, then ve hired Roderick before the matters escalated into a legal battle. A real nightmare, but in the end they renounced their claims. And several vital organs."

"Vould that mean that ve've faced off against the toughest ones? Or perhaps they sent disposable scouts forvard."

"Oh, this is just SO inappropriate! Are ve now facing vizards hiding in the shadovs? Cephalon vas such a great arrow sponge, if somevhat crude!"

Loot sheet updated.

With a twist of his bracers, Vladimir mends his garish clothing. "Eh, vhatever. Ruins are sort of my aesthetics anyvay, I vill have Kevin take care of that, once I can raise him. Do ve vant to ascend to Tikkik's lab?"

Hello there!
Vladimir has an exceedingly baroque taste in everything, and that's pretty much it.

I'd be good either way. I'm build to be a jack of all trades, but mainly support, so more people is always good.

The one over mine was the Matron's, then Tikkik's and finally Cephalon's.

My dungeon is currently mapped in the header as Vladimir's Floor.

"How fascinating. I may write an ode about a spirit of justice, bolstered by the souls of those slain by the evil overlords... And then, the spirit's tragic demise as it's reduced to rubbish."
Vladimir kicks a scrap of debris, searching among the remains for anything of value.

Yes, I'd be totally fine with that!

Yes, that's a bit sad, but overextending can be harsh. Don't overwork yourself!
I'm alright with looking for a new GM!

Assuming his weapon is not silver or mithral, I'm taking 39 damage and healing 5.
"Seriously, acting so high and mighty is not going to win you any friends! Especially if you wreak havoc on our home first! Are you going to defeat us all on your own?"
Taking a step back while the large gash on his chest starts closing back, Vladimir pats on a pocket and raises his hand, unleashing magic on Cephalon while beginning a monologue on how rude it is to crash a party.

Free action to take a 5' step, mnemonic vestments to use a haste scroll on Cephalon without expending it, move action to inspire courage, +2 to attack rolls, weapon damage and saves against charm and fear.

Reappearing from thin air behind the juggernaut, Vladimir strikes him with a supernaturally powerful slap imbued with necromantic energies.

Attack from invisibility, flanking: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (19) + 13 = 32
Damage: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7 and 2 negative levels

Move to move to flank, standard to attack.

Startled, Vladimir drops his accent. "Balance? What in the name of sanity do you mean? This is my HOME! My BUSINESS! Then, unscheduled vandals came here, killed ALL of my minions, including my SECRETARY, who wasn't even supposed to FIGHT, and you come and ramble about BALANCE? Vanish!"

The vampire's last word, however, is not a command as much as an invocation: he disappears from sight in a burst of magic.

I think so, yes. Explore area 3 and then go up a level?

Ah, yes, I had read it completely backwards. Thought it was low.

According to this post, the HydraShrinker should cost 3*2*2000=12000 gold pieces, 1200 Forge Points. You are free to roleplay me trying to persuade you it's a good idea.

"Ve can go together, it vould be tiresome to keep up the same disguising and scouting act for every room. Let's just hit them with all ve've got."
Ready and steady!

Whoops, yeah, me too, sorry.

Vladimir rises from the leather-bound book he was perusing, looking at Tikkik's flamboyant new additions. "Yes, vell, I vas thinking ve could shrink him. Some liberal application of free magic should help. Come here, all seven of you, ve need a vay to avoid you getting stuck again!"

The flock of bats that is Vladimir returns to his companions, before taking back his form.
"My passagevays are set so that ve can't go up a level vithout moving them, so I suggest ve go together. There may be some sort of an ambush near the entrance."

"..and tventy-six. This should be all, except the mundane stuff. I don't really need the Forge right now, I'll look around."

Switching back to the form of a cloud of bats, Vladimir flies towards the dungeon's entry.

Stealth?: 1d20 + 24 ⇒ (16) + 24 = 40
Assuming the rotating corners are set to give me passage, I'll look through the rooms 1 to 7, looking as unassuming as your everyday swarm of innocuous fruit bats.

Sorry, didn't think you were waiting on me, spreadsheet is updated now.

Sorting and annotating the items on his parchment, together with their values, Vlad absent-mindedly answers Tikkik. "Oh, yes, the cells where I keep those I take blood from. They should still have a lock. Twenty and twenty is forty times the price of Adamantine for an ounce, according to recent market fluctuations..."

I'll update the loot sheet soon.

Returning to his normal form, Vladimir pats the pockets of the various corpses around before dragging the crossbowwoman towards his rooms.

"No need for any alchemy, thank you. Do with him as you vish."

With a focused grimace and a noise like a sneeze, Vladimir splits into a cloud of bats, following after the gaseous alchemist. "Vait a bit, Cephalon, before you eat some treasure, then you can dispose of them. And please don't eat the voman."

"Matriarch, if you please, I'd like to finish her, so that I may reanimate her as my spawn. I admire her aesthetic. Meanvhile, vould you turn the rotating corner counterclockvise? That vay ve vill trap our gaseous, slow, slippery friend."

Blessing of Fervor for an extra attack. Performance still up.
Slam: 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (15) + 12 = 27
Damage: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6 and two negative levels, if it hits

Second slam: 1d20 + 12 ⇒ (6) + 12 = 18
Damage: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 4

"HEY! Don't you ignore me! Is that how you repay my offer of eternal life? Vell, more like eternal undeath."
Scowling, Vladimir punches the crossbowwoman.
Slam attack: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (10) + 11 = 21
Damage: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9 and 2 negative levels, if it hits.

Assuming non-silvered arrows
The only arrow that manages to strike Vladimir's flesh leaves a small flesh wound that closes almost instantly, and the vampire finally manages to let out a rich, echoing laugh. Removing the hat of disguise with a flourish and a bow, he resumes his usual aspect.
"I vould like to thank you for falling into my trap so easily, all of you. It had been a long time since I could perform in front of an audience. You there, vith the crossbow, surrender and submit to my vill if you vish not to be destroyed."
After making his offer, Vladimir steps forth, performing a monologue on how courage, friendship and bravery will bring to an incredibly gory death.

Move to move, another move to start inspire courage. You folks get +2 to saves against charm and fear, and to attacks and weapon damage rolls.

I messed up the wording a bit, I mean that I'm casting Grease when they get in the room. I don't want another Corridor Incident XD

Channeling his will not to erupt in an evil chuckle, Vladimir follows the party a step behind, savoring the moment the adventurers will realize the trick.

Readied action: as soon as the party gets in sight of Cephalon, I'm casting an enlarged (through blessing of fervor) grease underneath them.

^ Perhaps this was supposed to be in the Gameplay thread? ^_^

I'm ready at the back of the party.

Yeah, it stops anything that mentally controls people, including charm and compulsion. I'll just go for Fear again.

Agree with Tikkik. Too bad they got protected from evil, I wanted to start the party with a confusion.

I thought we were setting up the ambush in the main room, but we never actually decided. It might be nice to lock the rotating corners wafter the adventurers come in, to cut their retreat, but that would require several turns from the Matriarch.

"Beler" picks the glaive with a smile, giving the thumbs-up to the fighter.

"No, thanks, they didn't have the courage to fight me face to face. Blasted vampire knocked me out with some sort of sleeping spell. Are we going?"

Sorry if I'm taking up time.

"Alright then, cast away. And can someone lend me a spare weapon?"

Humility is for people with less than 24 Charisma

"Beler" opens his arms, feigning ignorance.
"Uhm, I don't know about their magics and whatsnot, I just overheard them speaking of some ritual of sorts taking up their time. I don't know the details."
"But I know one thing, and that's I've spent a fortune for my hammer and armor, and by the Gods I'm going to take them back! Let's go loud and go together, or go quiet with a small thing, but I'm not going to sit here for much longer, I'm taking my weapons and smashing them on those hydra heads until they stand still for the last time!"

If you want another Bluff: 1d20 + 28 ⇒ (10) + 28 = 38

Yes, it's totally reasonable, we'll just wing it a bit. I just hope the other three prepared for an ambush.

What's the policy on "table talk"? Because I've just thought of a plan of sorts, but it would need some positioning, some coordinated action and possibly a modicum of preparation.

"Beler" scans the room, taking in any detail about the six enemies in the room.
"They... they let me go, something about sending a message, and having us know what we were to expect. They killed the others, and... oh gods, they even stripped me of my weapons! It was terrible!"
"I believe that they mean to launch a surprise attack at us, this place is full of traps and hidden passages. And I'm not sure that we could take them in straight combat, they are strange and powerful creatures."
"But I believe that we could get the drop on them! From what I've heard while they thought I was knocked out, the two largest ones were severely wounded and had to retire to a secluded place to heal: a small, stealthy vanguard party could get the drop on the two weakest ones, a four-armed whatsitcalled and a charming, dashing, good-looking vampire. But it's risky, we can't go all together or we risk them getting alerted, and I'm not sure we could win a straight fight."

Bluff: 1d20 + 27 ⇒ (17) + 27 = 44

"Bah! Disruptive barbarians, without even the courtesy of being here, ready to be slaughtered."
Vladimir heads towards the tear pool. Poor Lyudmilla has likely been killed again.

Scouting the tear pool, keeping the disguise.

If Vladimir is disquieted, he doesn't show it. "Thank you, my dear, but I only claimed the dead Nethys follower. You can do with them as you see fit."

He then breaks off in a run, pretending to flee towards the torture chamber.

I agree, let's not indulge in senseless torture.

Dominated by Vladimir, probably ending up as undead.

Nah, I have standards and a strictly limited amount of undead HD I can keep under my control, I'll only reanimate those who seem appropriate. And I owe the Matriarch a small village's worth of souls anyway. I could, however, set up the worst possible theatrical play ever.

We should wake up the warpriest and fighter. Before that, however...

Before suppressing his domination on the two victims, Vladimir checks that they are properly bound and chained, and the warpriest's sacred symbol is taken away. He then dons his newly acquired hat of disguise and sets it to mimic the fighter's appearance.
"So, I vill scout... No, have to mimic their accent, or lack thereof. I will scout ahead to the torture chamber, pretend I escaped and lure them here, where we will ambush them. I will try to spin them a false tale as well. If they spot me, I'll be running like a madman out of that hallway. So try to set up a trap while I'm out. And perhaps, Cephalon, we could make up some item to temporarily shrink you, so that you don't get stuck in the hallways like earlier."

Next on Pimp My Dragon...