Magister Khrysm

Vampire Schism's page

279 posts. Alias of Charles Scholz.


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I prefer blood sausage and blood pie.


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Dear Father,
Your last letter has me a little worried.
Hopefully this letter will make it to you.
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
Everything is running smoothly since a certain unmentionable someone isn't here to muck things up.
I'll try to acquire the Tanystropheus, but when I looked them up I found out they were on the protected species list.
Almost all of them have been caught and moved to a sanctuary park in order to protect them.
On the bright side, the sanctuary isn't large enough yet (not enough swampland) so capturing one in the wild shouldn't be a problem.
The only problem will be transportation.

I have expanded you property by buying the Axehandle Estate.
Old Mr. Axehandle was murdered by his nephew for the inheritance.
Although he protested his innocence, the murder knife was found in his bedroom closet.

That is all for now,

Your Daughter.


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Gotta catch mating pair of each for Father's zoo.

Capture Hippopoceros Male: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (12) + 15 = 27
Capture Hippopoceros Female: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (1) + 15 = 16
Capture Esquilax Male: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (13) + 15 = 28
Capture Esquilax Female: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (20) + 15 = 35
Capture Columbian Mammoth Male: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (1) + 15 = 16
Capture Columbian Mammoth Female: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (9) + 15 = 24


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

*Writes out a letter to Vampire Schism (in red ink this time), during a brief interval.*

Fondest greetings, daughter, I trust all is well with you and that the castle is still in one piece.

*Chuckles at this, then realises how it could be interpreted.*

Hopefully, everything really is OK. As I have not heard from you in a while.

Dear Father,

Unfortunately, not everything is OK; I'll address them individually.
Even with the Comptess's help, there is so much to do.
I really admire that you could do it all by yourself.

Quote:

I have a few important tasks for you to do, so that everything can smoothly when I return.

1. Please send me a report on the apple cart, you should remember me saying that, in a previous letter, it is not to be upset under any circumstances. I do not wish to spend more money on expensive therapy sessions because of its overly sensitive nature.

Some animal activist nuts broke into the zoo and freed many of the pets.

Luckily they weren't able to free the more dangerous as those pens had quadruple locking mechanisms.
The freed pets upset the apple cart.
It got its revenge by backtracking the pets and running over and over and over the activists while they were still working on the first quadruple lock.
It now has a contented smile on its face.
All the pets are back in their habitats and new security measures are now in place.
Including quadruple locks for all, the activists are now the security guards after their minds were wiped and the proper personalities were implanted.

Quote:
2. Go to the castle library and research all books entitled "Where's Wally". I want you to familiarize yourself with everything, as I intend to go on another fantastic journey, this time with you.

I am familiar with Sir Wallace, but it has been some time since I have read his adventure journals.

I went to the library, but they were not there; did you loan them out?

Quote:
3. Dedrick the professor is working on a project for me on the 3rd highest level of the castle. I'll explain everything when I return but, in the meantime, give him as much assistance as you can.

Sorry to say I almost attacked the Professor when I saw him wandering around since no one knew he was here until then.

Luckily he gave the pass code before I could do him harm.
After he explained his needs I hired two assistants to aid him and assigned a maid to take care of their bedrooms and to make sure they get proper food and rest.
The security troll makes sure no one enters or leaves the lab without the professor accompanying them and the security octopus does the cavity searches.

I look forward to your next missive.

Your daughter.


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Father,

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Don't let Dowager Comtesse de Malodor eat anything from my personal larder, she'll get windy.

Sorry about the delay. The letter was mislaid, so I'm afraid your warning about the Comtesse didn't arrive in time. The place looked like a tornado had gone through. Luckily you had the forethought to make sure all the expensive artwork was securely fastened or behind blast shields. Everything else has been set to right, repaired or replaced.

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
How are things at the castle? With the warmer weather on the way, certain creatures in the area begin to really come alive, I'll explain later.

No need. With the warmer weather the ground is no longer frozen and the zombies and ghouls are able to come aboveground now. I have them patrolling the properties.


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Dear Father,

Since you had never written to me before, you usually use telepathy, I did not know of your ink preference.
I went through your office and found bottles of Scarlet Red and Blood Crimson.
I figured one was for personal use and the other for professional.
I am sending 10 bottles of each overnight to the Transylvania 65000 drop.
They will probably have already arrived, since I know it takes longer for the mail to go through.

Your Daughter.


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Reads letter

Dear Father,
Everything is going fine here. Dowager Comtesse de Malodor has been very helpful; I didn't realize all that went into running a castle.

A certain someone who shall not be named has somehow been sneaking into the female servant's quarters again. Good thing we installed that pervert alarm. I have learned several new curse words in multiple languages from the new servants, as well as some actual curses. He is now resting at the GoatToucher home for the afflicted.

If you stop at the post office at Transylvania 65000, I had a cardboard cutout of you painted. You can use it when you take pictures on your journey. One side has a serious look, while the other has touch of a smile. You can use whichever side you like.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter


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Thank you for the title father.
I will wear it with pride.

Progress report.
The woodcrafters will be finished by noon.
All heating and air is being activated, all lights (both electric and gas) are ready for use, the water is running perfectly (cold, freezing, hot and boiling), and all electrical outlets have been rated so that multiple electrical torture devices can be used without blowing any circuit breakers.
The kitchen appliances, dining area furniture, bathroom fixtures, laundry (automatic and manual) and other sundry items are being installed today.
I decided to go with spartan easily stored bedroom furniture in case anyone wanted to decorate their room themselves (at their own expense).

Everything should be ready to move-in in the morning.
You can do the dedication first thing in the morning, then leave on your trip.


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Progress report.
The masons will be finishing the third floor today.
The woodcrafters have started work on the ceilings and trim work.

Thank you for taking care of the cat for me father.
Sorry I missed your birthday, but I know you don't like people making a big fuss about it.


Progress Report.
All the gas and heating work has finished.
The inspector has arrived and approved everything.
The insulators have started.
Everything should be insulated by tonight.

The masons will start putting up the interior walls tomorrow.

Father, I have to be elsewhere tomorrow. Would you please make sure a live cat is entombed in one of the walls. Can't neglect the good luck talisman.

Also, when the contractor said it would take 14 days, I did not take into account them having Sundays off.
Thus the new wing will not be finished until Tuesday.


I'll take the Baobhan Sith.
She will be a great guard in my vault.

Progress Report.
The electricians are finished.
The gas & heating and air crews finished the first floor and should wrap up everything tomorrow.
As soon as the building inspector gets here, the insulators will start.


I'll pass on the undead.
They have a tendency to glitch.
They keep trying to do the same task over and over again, even when said task is completed.
Since I am so busy, I don't have time to keep an eye on it.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

During my search of the forgotten levels of the crypt, I found this and this.

Because of there being so many of the latter, I will take most of them and give you one of the spares.

Thank you.

Progress Report.
The masons should finish today.
The electricians continue their work.
The gas & heating and air crews will be starting today.


Wait! Where did that come from?
That is not what I meant to say.
GRR!

Progress Report.
The roof is finished.
The masons continue on the outside.
The plumbers will finish today.
The electricians have started.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Magnificent! Tell me, what new "pet"/minion you would like to receive?

How about something in the slime family?


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Sorry Father.
There was a mix up with the delivery and I was getting it cleared up.
They delivered shingles for the roof instead of slate.
The wretch who made the mistake is learning how to do things with his off hand.

Progress report.
Framing of the roof was finished on Saturday. The slates will be installed today.
The masons are starting to block the outside.
The plumbers are also starting today.


I'll take the spider thing.

Progress report.
Second floor is finish, starting on third floor.
If weather permits, they may start on the roof.


Progress report.
First floor framed, starting on the second floor.


Thank you father.


Progress Report.
The blocking is finished.
Today they are doing the steel floor joist and walls for the first floor.


Progress report.
The foundation has been poured and they are starting on the blocking.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Excellent, I was hoping that it would start sooner but, progress is progress.

Not just any stone would do.

I had to make sure the new stone would match the old stone so it wouldn't stand out.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
And what of the extension? I was hoping to have a new servants quarters.

The contractor starts on Monday.

Should be completed in 2 weeks.


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Thanks for the pets father.
Sorry I didn't thank you earlier, but there was a leak in the lionfish tank.
I had to transfer it to the swimming pool so the repairman can drain the tank and fix it.
I put a "Keep Out" sign in an out of the way place so no one goes swimming.


Brings a box of curlers.
Here you go father.


Better not let my dumber half know about it.
She'll want to name it Liono.


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Hiss!

Good thing I have GoatToucher SPF1000 Sun Screen(TM)


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Should have used some GoatToucher Blood Preservative(TM).


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Alright, alright, as you wish daughter. I'll be quiet.

Talking to Orange Hulk, not you Father.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Be careful daughter, he is also called Solar Hulk because he is strengthened by the sun.

Is he fighting on your orders? - NO!

Is is fighting to protect you and yours? - NO!
Is he fighting for his own pleasure? - YES!
Therefore, be Quiet!


Quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.


Make sure it is a type of fir or spruce tree.
No other type is acceptable.


I have been keeping an eye on things.
Almost everything is on schedule.
The only thing we still need is a 40 foot tree for the front hall, but since I have to keep watch over the minions I have not been able to look for one.


Orange Hulk wrote:

You really pale, you need more sun, get strong like me!

*Tries to gently tussle Vampire Schism's hair, but is a bit rough.*

I like my paleness.

Throws Orange Hulk across room for daring to touch me.


Not everything is photo synthetic.


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I said the castle, not the inhabitants!
Starts knocking a few heads together.


Yes you are.
So why aren't you killing the vermin like you are suppose to be doing?


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Sorry about that.
I do hope you and your pet will forgive the minions for stealing her.
Good help is hard to find.


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Inspects the moat monsters Group A brings back.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Too young, come back in 100 years.
Yes.
...
Why do you have a fish in a bowl?
Listens
So, a sea monster that swims around as a fish until someone takes the time to catch it, taking it out of the water.
Only then does it get angry and grows in size and attacks people.
What kind of lazy ass moat monster is that?
REJECTED
Just for that, you five get to dig the moat expansion.
Try not to get eaten while you are doing it.


Group D - The left side start exterminating the bad vermin. (Shows them pictures of what to eliminate.)

The right side go to Castle Heydrich and start decorating it for Christmas.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

Excellent management skills, daughter, I just have two questions:

1. What about the vermin? I think that should be dealt with quickly.

2. Who are going to get to deal with all the lights, tinsel and other Christmas paraphernalia?

1 - Do you want more or less vermin?

2 - I thought the Christmas elves were taking care of that.


Group A - The moat around the castle needs to be more deadly, some new moat monsters should do it.
Group B - The mansion needs more cobwebs. Go capture a dozen large spiders in the Black Forest and bring them back.
Group C - Too many people have been successfully navigating the Hedge Maze unscathed, put in more traps.
Group D - You will be held in reserve.


Then who have I been talking to?


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
The South Wing of the Mortis Mansion is completely empty (make use of the lower levels too).

When did the Mortis family cousins move out?

They were still 'living' there when you sent me on that last inter-dimensional mission.

I'll put the more unruly minions in the lower levels.


I'll try, but we are running low on rooms.
Even with 8 minions to a room, I may have to start doubling up our guests.


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Daughter, have you finished with the buffet yet?

Blast! Wrong alias

Yes father.

For appetizers I have:
Pig’s Blood Cakes
Blodplättar

For Soup, I have:
Pig’s Blood Curd Soup
Tiết Canh
Papas De Sarrabulho

For the entrée I have:
Blood Sausages
Jadoh Snam
Arroz de Cabidela
Coq au Vin
Sangre Encebollada
Dinuguan

To Drink, I have:
Blood Milk
Snake’s blood wine

For dessert I have:
Black Pudding
Pig Blood Ice Cream
Sanguinaccio Dolce


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:


The Saltsucker was a gift from my wife (wife number 48 to be exact)

starts mental calculating

I don't think you mentioned that one before.
So far I only know of 20 (scattered numbers, not the first 20).


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annoyed glare
You did this on purpose.
First, all your showers use saltwater.
Now the Saltsucker.


Finally got out of there.
Here is my report.

Give Count Heydrich a salty report.

Now I need to take a mind bleach shower.


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FATHER!
Are you trying to drive me INSANE?

Talking mice, talking ducks, talking whatevers!
Not to mention an annoying kid waving a giant key around.
ARGH!

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