Treerazer's page

Treerazer wrote:

I'll be writing down the names of all who reply to this scandalous rabble-rousing post. Also I surely would never fight on my own, right?

You can write?

That's one of the perks of having a +7 modifier to Intelligence, which is higher than most of all those PC wizards out there. Yeah. I can write.

Treerazer wrote:

I'll be writing down the names of all who reply to this scandalous rabble-rousing post. Also I surely would never fight on my own, right?

Absolutely not. I mean, if you did you'd lose, yeah? Everybody knows it; Cyth-V'sug jokes about it constantly.

** spoiler omitted **

It does. Roll initiative, lunch!

I'll be writing down the names of all who reply to this scandalous rabble-rousing post. Also I surely would never fight on my own, right?

Rysky wrote:

GGSigmar wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Tree is a demigod.

With deity stat block.

… that’s what makes him a demigod.

This is correct, the fact that Treerazer has a stat block and can be made to bleed makes them less than a full blown deity.

FOR NOW! NOT FOREVER!

SOOOOOON!

Does any particular variety of mewling mortal humanoid spawn serve as better minions for you than others, or are they equally useful, given their shared limitations?

You're all pretty much the same, although it's more fun to corrupt those of you who have the flaws of kindness and generosity and beauty.

Did you ever have to fight Zevgavizeb for control of fiendish dinosaurs?

Nope.

Would you most prefer it if someone:

1) cut a tree down and chopped it up (leaving it to rot),
2) burned a tree, or
3) somehow turned a tree undead?

All three.

Dear Treerazer.

While GMing I rolled a percentile and said that a 00 and a 0 was a zero. No one said anything.

How to a retaliate against such a brash display of respect and discretion by these players?

Eat their dice and rip up their character sheets and flip the table and burn a tree.

Going on the opposite of hate, do you still have that killer giant construct building thing?

Of course! It's more of a tree than a building though. The only useful tree is a diseased scary looking one that can step on elves and follows my commands.

Related: outside of trees and elves, what is the thing you hate next most?

I try to keep my hatred mobile beyond there, since it's important to not get too locked in and to be able to change as needed. For now, for example, it'd be questions about what I hate the next most.

(narrows eyes... grinds beak...)

Once you finish your wholly successful and inevitable annihilation of the elves of Kyonin, what's next?

Hmmmmm. River Kingdoms. They've got trees and elves there too.

Treerazer wrote:

HTD wrote:

Do you think that you might show up soon(-ish) in Starfinder?

Nope.

is that because you took over your daddy's position?

Nope.

Do you think that you might show up soon(-ish) in Starfinder?

Nope.

Treerazer wrote:

HTD wrote:

How do you feel about being featured as the big boss monster in PF2's first bestiary?

Vindicated! Note... there are NO ELVES in there. Ha.

But... but...

LOOK OUT!

THERE'S ONE ON YOUR BACK! EEEEEEW!

Doesn't work if I don't click. Which I did not.

How do you feel knowing that you beat the Tarrasque in the new bestiary?

Triumphant.

Treerazer wrote:

HTD wrote:

How do you feel about being featured as the big boss monster in PF2's first bestiary?

Vindicated! Note... there are NO ELVES in there. Ha.

What about the Drow?

Those aren't elves. They're minions.

How do you feel about being featured as the big boss monster in PF2's first bestiary?

Vindicated! Note... there are NO ELVES in there. Ha.

Dear Treerazer,

I was curious you mentioned that you had offspring. Could you name a couple of them?

Sincerely,

Most Awesome Gruumash

Never named them. That's up to them if they make it that long.

Mister Treerazer, sir!

We have a fine line in processed tree carcasses with which we shatter the sanity of mortals...

Do you have any texts you'd like to contribute to our library?

Nope. I'd rather waste a tree than re-purpose it.

If you could fight one treant-sized elf or one hundred elf-sized treants, which would you pick?

Elf-sized treants. No contest. Because killing treants makes elves sad, but killing elves doesn't really do the same sadness to treants.

Oh no you are going to awaken him.

Lord Treerazer, razer of trees, what shall you do to the fool who interrupted your slumber?

Grant them power and magic to reward them for calling me back into your fragile world.

Most Grand Lord of Destruction Treerazer,

Hate to necro this thread, but I have a question:

If you could eat any deity (or demigod), which would it be, and what would you have for sides?

Gozreh. 'Cause if I ate him maybe nature would die. For a side I'd eat the elemental lords.

I mean, wouldn't removing all the things growing out of the surface be considered shaving the area?

Nope Never doesn't make sense don't make me come over there and raze things.

It's Treerazer by the way.

I burn down and ruin forests. I don't shave them.

Converting the descendant to a minion, how fitting.

Are you mad about that one elf who escaped? Or did you leave him alive so he could tell the story?

Doesn't bother me. And yeah, him spreading the word was pretty amusing.

Hey Treerazer, what do you think about a PC who is a descendant of Verinias Soseshtian and is devoting his life to mastering arcane magic to rid Golarion of you permanently?

Sounds like he'll make a delicious convert to my cause once his will is broken and his flesh is transformed. Or a delicious addition to my dinner plate.

Dear Treerazer,

If you were an ice cream flavor, what flavor would you be?

This question is ridiculous. But I will alloy you to slop down into a pool of filthy moist peat or submit to sepsis-sacrifice at your nearest Treerazer altar anyway, since I'm feeling magnanimous.

Most destructive Treerazor,

I hear you want to gain power and destroy your father and the elves.

Well, see, I know a guy. He happens to be looking for a demon to enbiggen, to help destroy elves and take out your pa, you know? See where I'm going with this?

But here's the deal: to make the formula just right, he kinda needs to know more about the circumstances of your "start" as it were, ya dig?

We heard of your Pop... but how? Did you just, I'unno, "Pop" into existence from him? Did he imprison and torture you to turn you into the fine specimen of utter waste and destruction you are today (well, obviously not, you did that part, but, you know what I mean)? Or was there some unholy concoction of abyssal and elven juices that your ol' pater-jerk-face spit in (or whatever) to get you started (even if it was on accident - though, in truth, they say you're too impressive not to exist, so it could just be incidental that the jerk happens to be vaguely related to you). Or did you just use it to get more power and really are unrelated? What did you use (and prob'ly rip apart) to start yourself on your epic journey toward the impressive destructive entity you are today?

Also, were it possible, would you appreciate someone interested in strengthening your Blackaxe, only to be immediately devoured by you? I know another guy...

... if so, how was it crafted, if you know...?

These guys both wanna mention they're faithfully yours 'til you devour them and everything else.

Sounds to me like you're fishing for secret history information to use against me or to give to the elves. I'll tell you what you need to know, but only if you come, alone, unarmed and naked, into Tanglebriar and present yourself by laying face-down in a pool of pollution at sundown. I will come to whisper the information you seek into your ear before sunrise. I totally won't just wait for you to drown as you inhale polluted seepage into your lungs because you're laying face down in filth. Which is a requirement.

AKA: Please drown in filth at my doorstep, and when you rise as a corrupted undead slave, you'll realize that you don't want to know these answers anyway; you'll just want to kill elves for me. Like a good undead peat. Ha. Peat. I meant to say "pet" but I typoed. Which is funny, since you laying down in peat is kinda what I want. As long as it's soggy, filthy peat. Make sure a diseased animal died a few feet away so there's lots of nastyness there. Enjoy!

EDIT: WAIT! You said my name wrong. I don't shave forests. I DESTROY THEM. I RAZE THEM TO THE GROUND. You'll still need to submit to the peat pit, but I'll just destroy you when you rise as undead. No glorious unliving servitude for you. Just a soggy sump-grave.

Oh Most Mighty And Merciless Mauler, this far-too-small-to-make-a-satisfying-meal creature begs your indulgence...

If I were to erect a crude shrine in your honor aboard a Totally Seaworthy Vessel (okay, it's basically rotting into a swamp... somewhere. Maps involve reading, and you KNOW that's a non-starter!), how do you like your elves sacrificed? Besides "in mass quantities," I mean...

While I am furious at being awoken, your properly deferential greeting has soothed my fury for the moment.

I prefer sacrifices to be made while the elf is still living. Keep the thing alive as long as possible. Use filthy blades or diseased bones or moldy slivers of wood to flense, wound, or perform minor amputations. The extremities are a good place to start, since the point is to let gangrene set in and slowly putrefy the elf. Death should occur as long after the process begins as possible, preferably by sepsis or infection and NOT from the result of a wound being delivered. Make sure you enjoy eating the decayed flesh. Feed it to the elf if you want.

I know it's been over a year since the last question so this'd be a helluva necro, but I was wondering if you ever run into the other nascent demon lords like Izyagna or Nightripper? If so, how are they doing and what are they up to? If not, why?

Also, the best name you could come up for your weapon is Blackaxe? Really?

RARRRGH! I was enjoying a year long nap. WHO HAS AWOKEN ME?

Those other nascent demon lords are cowards who hide out in caves on the Abyss and huddle under the skirts of their demonic patrons. They are meaningless and irrelevant, and they know it. If they DO cross my paths, they'd best do it in a way that pleases me and serves me, otherwise I'll destroy them. And they know this.

I AM THE RED RAVEN!

Shensen wrote:

DOWN WITH THRUNE!!!!!

*Summons fiendish gorillas*

NOW FEEL THE WRATH OF THRUNE!!!!!!!

Thrunies.

Snort.

Cute little tykes. You try so hard! It's almost a shame you're all doomed. Almost.

Dear Mr. Treerazer,

Do you have a special demon that you like to cuddle next to, but should they fail you, you'd eat them without blinking? If so, how was your first date? Also, who paid at the end of the date?

Cuddles are for the weak. Dates are for the lonely. Paying for anything is for fools.

I am not weak, lonely, or a fool.

Do you even know what a Lashunta is?

Yes.

You'll note that I have an Intelligence score of 21. That's probably higher than yours, and you know about Lashuntas, so therefore of COURSE I know about them. Prepare for retribution.

Dear Mr. Treeraiser:

Have you ever been to Castrovel, to devour any Elves?
If so, could you describe the difference in flavor?

On another note... what do you think about the Lashunta?

No. Not yet.

Lashunta are delicious.

1)Is going to the Worldwound like going to Disneyland if you're a demon?

2)Speaking of which, what's your opinion of Deskari and the whole "giant rift to the abyss" business model? It's surely gaining a lot of capital and popularity amongst the demon hosts, but I'm sure being in a giant supernaturally corrupt forest has its perks too..
3)Finally, what's the end goal once you've completely taken Kyonin and eaten all the elves? Expand into Razmiran? Buy real estate on The Isle of Terror? Start trade relations with Galt?
Thanks!

1) No. What's Disneyland? Sounds like a good place to conquer and destroy and savage for resources.

2) Deskari is a pansy. He's doing it in a way that gets all the wrong attention at the wrong time. He needs to learn subtlety.

3) I'm sure I don't share that information with worm-faced people. Nice try though.

Treerazer wrote:

Voyd211 wrote:

Where have you been?

Also, how come you don't grant the Scalykind domain?

Been here and there.

And because scalykind is for dragons and nagas and other pansies.

But you look like a dragon... hmm.

What is your opinion on Rovagug?

Dragons, if anything, look like me. I look better than them.

Rovagug got what he deserved. I'm not afraid of him.

But if they do nothing, you'd die permanently?

*takes notes*

That doesn't make sense. Expect retribution soon.

I WAKEN!

...Treerazor...

Grrrrrr...

Are you worried about death, being bound to Golarion and all?

Nope. I'm too awesome to die. And if I do, I've got plenty of minions who know they'd better be using magic to bring me back to life. One of the nice benefits... probably the ONLY benefit... of being exiled to this backwater clot of dirt you all call home is that I can be brought back from death a LOT easier.

Not that I'll ever need that.

You bastard! You killed my mother! I swear if its the last thing I do, I will put you down! After I become Mythic in a few months, you will pay. Are you scared?

Nope. If you rush, you can see your mother's face. I've got it on display down in the rumpus room. Might eat it soon though. It pickled up nicely and looks delicious.

Where have you been?

Also, how come you don't grant the Scalykind domain?

Been here and there.

And because scalykind is for dragons and nagas and other pansies.

Dear treerazer,

I'm thinking of making an adventure with you as the end boss. I was wondering where I should have this game and I was hoping you could give me some tips. Where do you live and do you have any plans in motion at the moment. I would like the game to take place in kyonin so you can eat plenty of elves and kill trees, is your home anywhere near there?
Sincerely, cdkc

I live in Tanglebriar, and I"ve got plenty of plans in motion. Tanglebriar is right there in Kyonin, and I'm already eating plenty of elves.

Greetings, Treerazer.

I come here representing my interdimensional merchant house.

I was wondering if perhaps you would prefer to sample some our wares for possible future purchase.

Would something such as this lower end model be to your liking?

Or, perhaps you would prefer to check out our high end model

I am intrigued. How do those tools work against Asmodeus lackeys, I wonder?

Treerazer wrote:

FormerFiend wrote:

Dear Pustulent Blot on the Multiverse(AKA Treerazer),

A colleague of mine is of the opinion that your head would make a fine trophy to present to our lord Asmodeus. I feel that he would be insulted by such an insignificant offering. I'm curious as to your "thoughts", such as they are, on the matter.

You and your friend probably taste vile, but I'd consume your flesh and bones and soul just to spite you so it doesn't matter what you taste like.

See, I told my colleague that it would be better to bring you bound and chained before Asmodeus to act as the new court fool of Nessus.

Thank you for convincing him.

My guess: Your silly little devil pal Asmodeus put the thought of trying to defeat me in your head so that I'll kill you and your souls will slide on down into Hell for him to fool around with. Joke's on him when I don't let you die!

Mwa ha ha!

Dear Pustulent Blot on the Multiverse(AKA Treerazer),

A colleague of mine is of the opinion that your head would make a fine trophy to present to our lord Asmodeus. I feel that he would be insulted by such an insignificant offering. I'm curious as to your "thoughts", such as they are, on the matter.

You and your friend probably taste vile, but I'd consume your flesh and bones and soul just to spite you so it doesn't matter what you taste like.

So I was wondering what do your demons do for fun between assaults on the elves?

Also...I was lead to believe that uncontroled demons on the material plane would just run around doing whatever they want to do...so how do you keep your troops in line? Haver any gone AWOL?

Whatever they do for fun is up to them. I don't really care if they have fun or not.

Some of them have gone away, yeah. If I find them they die. I'm good at finding them.

So... elven wine. Made with real elves. Ever tried it? If so, how was it?

Too fruity.

We haven't heard from you in a while Mr. Treerazer! What have you been up to recently...aside from, um, razing trees?

Eatin' elves. Growin' a big hezrou in the tarn. Knocking down things what need knocking down. Same old.