Snorg Bigknife's page

"Ha! Now Snorg have big Magic! Snorg unstobbable! He follows the Worg.

Round 6, Initiative 18

Snorg swings his sword menacingly and is as surprised as anyone else when a shadowy form leaps from the blade landing near Vorka. It seems to be slowly solidifying into the form of a dog.

Using the cool special ability of my new sword to summon a dog adjacent to Vorka, preferably in what will be a flanking position for me next round when it finally fully appears.

Round 5 Initiative 18

"Snorg is da bestest hero of all of everrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Snorg continues to be heedless and idiotic and rushes at Vorka.
Power Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 141d8 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11

Round 4 Initiative 18

"Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

Power Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 41d8 + 5 ⇒ (8) + 5 = 13

F this. Snorg is the worst thing that has ever been. He is made of poop and additional values of poop. Poooooooop.

Round 3 Initiative 18

"Magic stick, bite bad frog again!"

Power Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 61d8 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11

OK, that's it. Snorg is now a humble pacifist. His next action with be to braid flowers into Vorka's hair.

Round 2 Initiative 18

"Stupid frog! Stay still!"

Power Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 231d8 + 5 ⇒ (3) + 5 = 8
Confirmation: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 81d8 + 5 ⇒ (7) + 5 = 12

Bloody dice. You can't even let me confirm can you?

Sorry, guys I was away at a CDC conference for work. Back now.

Not to be outdone by Mukluk, Snorg charges the big frog. "Bitey stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Charging power Attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 61d6 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11

I will never roll well ever.

Cure Light Potion: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9

Snorg happily leads the way swinging his new sword crazily. "Vorka gonna get bit by new stick. Snorg is da greatest of dem all!"

Thank Monster Mother for a finally good die roll. That puts my total at 11hp. I'll update my attack sequence for the new weapon. Thanks for that. It's nice to be rewarded for failure from time to time.

"Cough...hachhgggg... Spike in breathy bits... Didn't fail to die. Did die. Very successful. Monster Mother saw me. Loved me. Brought me back. Verrrrry successful."

"Pit not bite Snorg. Well, ok, pit did bite Snorg. But that not what Snorg talking about."

Str check: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (15) + 1 = 16

Once Nergul frees Snorg, he'll retrieve that neato weapon.

Snorg tries desperately to pull himself from the spikes. "But get stick made of biting... Must bite enemies with stick...

Str Check: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2

I have never in my entire life had a PC who got such consistently bad rolls. Paizo hates me.

Right you are, I think. Makes perfect sense. I am, however, still at -1 because of the 3 damage I took from the horse. Do I have a Cure Light or Cure Mod potion?

Stabilize: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6

Status: -2

I'm a little confused. How much damage did I take total? I looks like 13, which puts me into negatives anyway.

"You all ladies. This dumb. Snorg not dumb. Snorg brave.

Snorg walks down the hall looking around for the trap but trusting Monster Mother to protect him.

perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (9) - 1 = 8

Oh, yeah. He's going to die.

Snorg peers down the trapped hallway. "Someone else go first. I think it safe."

"You lucky Snorg is Mighty Chosen One of Monster Mother. It now obvious to Snorg that he couldn't hit you because Monster Mother knew you make be good monster for her Chosen One. And one hit from Snorg kills anyfing. You wait here to carry stuff. Eat whatever you want. Vorka not going to be needing it soon."

Round 2, Initiative 7

Snorg again swipes at the Worg but he is terrible at fighting. Just shameful.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 61d6 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7

Snorg not afraid of big doggy thing. More for Snorg to eat!"

Snorg attacks with his typical recklessness and typical failure rate.

initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7

Power attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 31d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

Snorg hustles down the ladder, angered by Mukluk's speedy descent. "Snorg bravest. Snorg braved the dangerous deck while you went and hid wif all da half eated dead people. Gonna cut you into strips and turn you into jerky and share with dumb canibibble goblin and we be best friends and then I kill him too." Snorg continues to mutter to himself as he climbs down and peers into the darkened hold.

Climb: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (12) - 3 = 9

Perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (19) - 1 = 18

"What down there? Long drop. I say we toss Mukluk down there so we land safely on him."

Needing little encouragement, Snorg sets to chopping away at the planks securing the trapdoor.

Smash!: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 9

"Snorg not afraid of stupid door or stupid canibibble goblin," Snorg mutters as he walks over to the hatch. "How you want me open it? You want me bash it? I bash good. Sooooo strong!"

Round 2, Init 4
Snorg puts all of his considerably pathetic muscle behind a wild swipe at Buttbiter.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 131d6 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7

Round 1
Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 4
Snorg, noticing Buttbiter's...butt biting, realizes that he also has a terrible itch and spends some time relieving it before reacting to the danger posed by the dogs and drawing his "big knife".

I'll assume that his Falchion had been sheathed to allow him to climb. If he is adjacent to a dog on his turn he'll power attack it. If not, he'll go with Total Defense raising his AC to 23.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
---
HP 9/12

"Snorg clearly smartest goblin. Up here Snorg am safe an you dumb dumbs playing with wasps not safe, not smart." Snorg does a ridiculous little victory dance before remembering that he's probably not actually safe up here and turning around for a good look at his surroundings.

Perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (5) - 1 = 4

Sorry about the roll above being Acrobatics. Guess I misread. Snorg's climb modifier is -3 but a roll of 15 is still sufficient to have gotten him up there.

Snorg hoots with laughter watching the witch tumble repeatedly off the gangplank.

Snorg's speach is even less comprehensible than normal, spoken as it is around a giant mass of raw horse flesh. "Snorg is fearless and can't be feared! Snorg will lead way. Don't shoot Snorg in back scaredy snot shooty gubbin."

Acrobatics: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (15) - 1 = 14

Despite the weight of his rusty scalemail, Snorg manages to scramble up the slippery plank.

"Don't know why Nergul shoot at horse. Obvious that mighty Snorg had already killed it. Snorg is very mighty. You lucky to have him here.

Also, have horse meat now! Horse meat delicious! Best if aged in hot place for few days. Den lotsa grubs come to cook it wif. Add flavor and color to meal!" Snorg greedily collects as much as possible.

If the horse is still alive after that nasty crossbow hit and Mukluk's attack I'll do the following. If it's already dead, Snorg will just start loading his pockets with horse meat for later.

Awash in the blood streaming from the horses neck wound, Snorg again hacks at the animal.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (9) + 2 = 111d6 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 6

Sorry for the delay. I got food poisoning and I've been banged up since Wednesday. Good times.

Snorg is filled with rage by the bite which stings incredibly.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 131d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

He swings wildly at the horse.

"me gonna eat you!"

"Horse taste good! You has any?"

"Yeah, fine. Me go furst. Me am fearless. Can't fear me. No, wait. Scare me."

Snorg puffs out his laughable chest and opens the gate. "Hey! Me am Snorg Bigknife. Me has big knife. Me haves da blessin' of Monster Mother and me will cut you real bad. Wif da big knife!"

"Snorg Bigknife go find his big knife an' 'den we see about all 'dis pokin'. Stoopid big knife...where stoopid spider put you? Stoopid spider. Snorg mindin'd own business just stampin' on flowers and kickin' squirrels when stoopid spider come after me. Me da chosen of Monster Mother. Give me big power to smash up goodie goods. Spiders not good. Not never. Plus, Snorg was surprised. Not fair. Dick move. Aha! Big knife!

Snorg finds his falchion in the baldric strapped to his back where it had been the whole time. So pleased is he with himself and mad at the now slain spider, he forgets the insult leveled against him and asks, "So watchu gubbins doin' here? I know! It was all test! Monster Mother sent spider to get me and see if Snorg be coward or get mad at her. I didn't so she sent you gubbins to rescue me. You have been a tool for da divine Monster Mother. You are all tools."

"mow! Moo muffle miff!

escape artist : 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (20) - 1 = 19

With an enraged burst of chewing, Snorg bursts through the webbing. "Wat wrong wit you, stinkface? Me Snorg Bigknife best warrior ever. Not poop pile for funny pokin'.

Escape artist: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

Despite the continued gnashing of teeth, Snorg can't free himself. Even, worse, he's getting tired of the taste of spider web. It tastes like something squeezed through a bug's orifice.

"moo gurbles berber geb meb oogagere"

Snurmle durmle drumba moo! Moo strurffle shushollll!

"murfle gurfle mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"