We Be Goblins! (Inactive)

Game Master FuriousPhil

Ekklub turns around to see the giant spider attempting to chew on Mukluk. She sniggers.

"Spider eat stupid goblin, not eat Ekklub! But stupid goblin maybe needed later."

She glares at the spider, doing her best to cast doubt into what passes for its mind.

Using Evil Eye hex to reduce the spider's AC by 2. This lasts 5 rounds unless it makes a DC12 Will save, in which case it's 1 round.
Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22

The tall goblin spun on his heels, his bug-eyes filled with absolute terror. The dogslicer in his hand shook with obvious fear, his grip as steady as a leaf in the wind. But, despite himself, he held the weapon out in front of him in a desperate bid to defend himself.

"Maybe should let it eat him! At least then it not eat us!!!"

Ekklub, I hate to tell you this, but giant spiders are immune to mind-affecting effects, and the evil eye hex is a mind-affecting effect according to the APG.

Ekklub/Lotlegs Initiative = 22
Nergul Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15
Mukluk Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (8) + 4 = 12
Mixly Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11

The giant spider drops the cloth it snatched from Mukluk from its mandibles and attempts to entangle Mukluk in a web instead.

Ekklub uses a strange power, but the spider seems to ignore it completely.

Lotslegs Attack (Ranged/Web) 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (13) + 5 = 18

Mukluk ducks and the sticky ball of spider gunk just misses his head.

Go ahead and post in any order, I'll work out the initiative count and combat actions once everybody has posted for the round. I'll have to do the actions for Mixly as well, since I haven't heard from her and I haven't got someone to replace her yet.

Out of fear more than anything, Nergul deftly swung at the bloated arachnid. With a quick dash to the left, the goblin slashed low, trying to sever one of the spider's many legs.

Out of anger more than anything (whether Mukluk is too smart or too stupid to be afraid is left as an exercise to the DM), Mukluk brings the fancy dogslicer down on one of the huge spider's legs, trying to sever it.

Melee attack roll: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8
Melee damage: 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Something tells me I can't trip a spider... :)

Mukluk, you can attempt a trip, but the spider has a CMD of 27 vs. trip, having eight legs and all!

Nergul, you already hit with your attack roll, so a charge is only going to penalize your AC. I'll treat it like a regular attack for now.

Mukluk still seems a bit shaken and a little bit shocked by the giant spider sneaking up behind him. He swings wildly and misses.

Nergul however, comes charging forward - zig zagging around the spider's legs and sinking his blade deep into the lower part of one of its front legs. The spider rears up in pain.

Mixly pulls out a sling and hurls a rock at the spider's head.

Mixly Attack Ranged 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (16) + 5 = 21
Damage 1d3 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

It's up to you guys if you want Mixly to use the fire breath gourd, the Str 6 isn't doing her any favor on damage rolls even with the Point-Blank Shot feat. In this case, it seemed to work out OK, though.

Mixly's shot sails true, and hits the spider in one of its insect eyes. It scuttles around to face the new foe, but instead quickly focuses on the tall goblin slicing at it's legs.

Lotslegs Bite Attack vs. Nergul 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13

Nergul deftly avoids the spider's attempt to bite him.

Ekklub is up next.

Ekklub shrieks in rage as the spider ignores her. "Take that!", she shouts, hurling a sling stone at it.

"This spider even more stupid than stupid goblin" she states, looking like she wants to carry on glaring at it.

I know it's immune, but Ekklub doesn't! :)

Dripping with rancid sweat, Nergul tried his best to look intimidating. His blow was too well placed for his taste, and now he realised the spider would likely turn on him. Desperate for some way out, the poor guide did the only thing he could do. He sliced at the spider's face. Maybe he could gouge some of it's eyes and send it fleeing back into the trees.

Standard action to attack the spider once more.
Then take a 5-foot step in an effort to flank with Mukluk.

Melee Attack 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (14) + 6 = 20
Melee Damage 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Cheering at Nergul for moving into flank, Mukluk screams a war song custom made for the occasion: Spider too big! Spider fall down! Spider die now! Spider kill, kill!

With that improvised war chant, Mukluk swings his dogslicer again at the spider, his face messed up with the fury of combat.

Want to be sure I'm doing the math right here: I've got a BAB of +1, STR mod gives me +1, the dogslicer gives me +1, flank gives me +2, goblin foolhardiness (I'm assuming it's bigger than I am, since it was described as "a huge spider" earlier) gives me +1 since Nergul's not adjacent to me. Given that's correct, attack roll! Rawr!
Attack roll: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (12) + 6 = 18
Damage roll: 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Mukluk, looks OK to me.

As Nergul and Mukluk flank the giant spider and hack away at its head and body, it tenses and recoils, and decides that this meal just isn't worth this amount of trouble. It jumps into the trees so swiftly that Ekklub barely has enough time to watch it (with her evil eye, of course) scuttle through the trees to the south. It must have a lair around here somewhere...

If at least one of you can move as fast as the spider (30 ft) as a standard move, you can attempt to follow the spider back to its lair. Otherwise, a DC 10 Survival check will allow you to track it through the soggy, mossy tree branches.

Goblins have a base speed of 30ft (unusual for playable Small races), and Mukluk's chain shirt isn't slowing him down any. He's going for the kill!

Swearing and fuming more than before, Mukluk chases after the spider, charging full on with his dogslicer.

If I can charge, I'm doing so. I'm guessing I don't have flank, but charging gives the same bonus. So I'm still at +6 if I can charge, looks like.
Attack roll: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (11) + 6 = 17
Damage roll: 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

The tall goblin takes a long moment to catch his breath. Wiping away the sweat with the back of his hand, Nergul sets about the task of following the wounded spider back to it's lair.

"Nergul was the meal today? No, no no! Lotsleg will be Lotsfeast when Nergul's day is done!"

With that, he begins to look for a way to track the pesky arachnid.

Survival Check to track the spider 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (1) + 6 = 7

Ekklub sees the spider fleeing, and cackles at it. "Spider flee! Spider more stupid even than stupid!"

Though it doesn't make much sense, her shout is accompanied by another sling stone - which, hopefully, has more of an impact.

Attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15
Damage: 1d4 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2
Typed the damage wrong last time, but it was a miss anyway.

Mukluk, you technically had an attack of opportunity when the spider jumped, so I'll treat it as such - you wouldn't have been able to get within melee range without a Climb check otherwise.

As the spider leaps into the treetops, Mukluk swings his dogslicer and cuts deep into the spider's body. Ekklub launches a bullet at the spider, which seems to be moving on instinct. It falters from the hit, loses its footing, and drops from the treetops, landing belly up - presumably dead.

You can all attempt another Survival (tracking) check to find the spider's lair - you've all heard rumors in the Licktoad village that Lotslegs had a hoard of good treasure and useful stuff!

With a wicked cackle, Nergul gleefully stabs the bloated arachnid several times in the face before collapsing in a puffing heap. When he'd finally regained his composure, he stood and pondered aloud the rumors he'd heard whispered throughout the village.

"Me am wondering. Maybe should find Lotsleg's home? Maybe have plenty shinies for Ner... err... us! Yup, that's it. For us!"

Laughing weakly, Nergul slinks away from the group after his comment, quickly setting about trying to find the spider's trail.

Survival (tracking): 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (15) + 6 = 21

Mukluk will check the body to see if it has any shinies before following Nergul. Nergul wait! Spider may have shinies! Need the shinies!

Perception: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (9) + 0 = 9

If Mukluk finds anything, he will gleefully grab it. He takes anything that's not too heavy for him to carry, cutting loose anything that's tied on or the like.

Running after Nergul, he tries to assist the skilled tracker (it's entirely probable he will make things worse, but he's too full of himself to know that).

Oops! Mukluk's got a penalty to Survival. He'll do Aid Another instead.
Aid Another: Survival (tracking): 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (19) - 1 = 18

Mukluk, you don't find anything valuable on the spider's body.

However, both you and Nergul are able to track the direction the spider was going, and eventually find a large pile of deadfall tree trunks, that seem to form a rudimentary structure. There are spider webs everywhere.

As you look around outside the lair, you notice that Mixly seems to be missing. Whether she ran off or exploded herself, you really don't seem to care. You do notice that the Gourd of Dragon Breath is hanging from a cord on a broken tree limb, and a fresh sinkhole in the muck seems to be....bubbling.

As you proceed into the deadfall spider hole, you see that Lotsleg's lair is filled with the dessicated remains of dozens of bodies, some of which are goblins, but a few of which are humans.

You should definitely take a look around.

Go ahead and make some Perception checks to see what you can find.

Greedily skipping through the spiders apparent nest, Nergul surveyed the tree trunks with glee. "We be great clan heros when we go home. Take many wives! This greatest day of Nergul's life." Nimbly he dives into the rotted wood, eager to find the dead's treasures.

Perception check to search the nest 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (11) + 5 = 16

"murfle gurfle mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

The sudden sound gives Mukluk a start, and he raises his dogslicer and faces the general direction.

What a murfle gurfle? Where that noise come from? Stop hiding, show Mukluk!

Perception: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (12) + 0 = 12

Snurmle durmle drumba moo! Moo strurffle shushollll!

As you look through the spider lair and search some of the dessicated corpses, you find various valuable items, including the following:

24 gp
small masterwork light crossbow with 11 bolts
a single pearl (value 100 gp)
2 potions of cure moderate wounds
potion of bull's strength
potion of bear's endurance

And a package of licorice flavored taffy, well known as a remedy to take the edge off of Feel Good Headache apples and questionable choices in food consumption.

As you rifle around the bodies picking up these items, you are surprised to see and hear one of the web cocoons moving, with a muffled voice coming out of it. It seems to be goblin sized.

You can help the goblin, or leave him to rot. However, considering you might meet Vorcha the feared goblin cannibal eventually, it might be a good idea to bring this goblin along, whoever he or she is.

You can help Snorg escape by using aid another on his Escape Artist check, or you can try to slice open the webbing (it only has hp of 2, and no hardness, so if you go over that with a damage roll, you might hurt the goblin within!)

Snorg, you've been chewing away at the webbing for a while, so a successful Escape Artist check (DC 10) should allow you to escape.

Also, these are just suggestions - feel free to do what you think your characters might do in the situation - I'll try to be a little more hands-off from this point forward if you guys prefer it.

Completely ignorant of the struggling goblin, or the drowning Mixly, Nergul gleefully snatches up the crossbow. For several long moments, he cradles the device seemingly lost in it's embrace. But long, however, he is on his feet loading a bolt and aiming the weapon at the writhing cacoon. "Should Nergul shoot that? Might be baby spiders! No, no, me can't be having Lotsleg's Lotsbabies run free!!" Slowly, he cranks back the firing mechanism, awaiting the word to fire.

Escape artist: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (4) - 1 = 3

Despite the continued gnashing of teeth, Snorg can't free himself. Even, worse, he's getting tired of the taste of spider web. It tastes like something squeezed through a bug's orifice.

"moo gurbles berber geb meb oogagere"

Looking slowly back and forth between the cocoon and Nergul, Mukluk is quite confused. Shooting things is fun, but maybe is goblin who can help! But maybe is cannibal, but only have 11 shooty things for shooty bow thing! Arg, deciding hard! Mukluk will flip coin to make up mind.

Mukluk grabs one of the gold coins and flips it. Heads you shoot the head, tails you don't shoot: goblins have no tails!

I'll roll 1d2. Heads is 1, tails is 2. 1d2 ⇒ 2

He flips the coin far into the air. It tumbles round and round, and he drops it instead of catching it. When he picks it up, it comes up tails.

Don't shoot, might be goblin who can help us! Also Mukluk can kill bad goblin eat other goblin!

Nergul's face contorts with displeasure as he's told not to shoot. He'd really wanted to try out his new crossbow! Goblins didn't have face man-weapons like this! He grumbled loudly as he locked the string in place, shouldering the weapon with a strap of grimey wolf hide. "Me hope you not regret making decision. And you cutting stupid cacoon open!!"

Making his way to the bottle that Mixly left behind, Nergul made sure to grab one of the blue healy bottles before snatching up the fire breathing potion and making his way out of the nest.

Ekklub looks, angrily, at the wriggling cocoon. Maybe it's the cocoon where the spider kept its brain, and that's why she couldn't make it run away with a glare.

"Stupid spider."

She marches up and prods the cocoon, using her ratty old club as a means of keeping away of the sticky stuff.

"Speak up, we can't hear you!" she hollers.

"mow! Moo muffle miff!

escape artist : 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (20) - 1 = 19

With an enraged burst of chewing, Snorg bursts through the webbing. "Wat wrong wit you, stinkface? Me Snorg Bigknife best warrior ever. Not poop pile for funny pokin'.

Mukluk's eyes go wide at the insult.

I Mukluk! Not stinkface! You stinkface! Sit in spider webs, stinkface! And you can't be best warrior! I have Chief's dogslicer so I best warrior ever!

With this, Mukluk pokes Snorg several times with the butt of the dogslicer. No funny poking, huh? You look like you're for funny poking!

"Snorg Bigknife go find his big knife an' 'den we see about all 'dis pokin'. Stoopid big knife...where stoopid spider put you? Stoopid spider. Snorg mindin'd own business just stampin' on flowers and kickin' squirrels when stoopid spider come after me. Me da chosen of Monster Mother. Give me big power to smash up goodie goods. Spiders not good. Not never. Plus, Snorg was surprised. Not fair. Dick move. Aha! Big knife!

Snorg finds his falchion in the baldric strapped to his back where it had been the whole time. So pleased is he with himself and mad at the now slain spider, he forgets the insult leveled against him and asks, "So watchu gubbins doin' here? I know! It was all test! Monster Mother sent spider to get me and see if Snorg be coward or get mad at her. I didn't so she sent you gubbins to rescue me. You have been a tool for da divine Monster Mother. You are all tools."

As you gather up all the treasure (and new companion/friend/enemy) you found in the spider's lair, you set out back along the creek that leads to the coast. Within an hour, you reach the site of the old shipwreck - it's not quite right on the coast, but close enough that you can faintly hear the sound of the tides washing up on the shoreline.

The site itself is obvious when approached - a large wrecked ship lodged in a pool of fetid swamp water. It has two dilapidated masts, and there is some strange writing on the bow which none of you seem to be able to read (either being illiterate, unwilling to admit to your comrades that you can read, or it just being in a language and script you don't recognize.)

The shipwreck is upright, held in place by the mud and sludge and and supported by thick growths of marsh gorse and other foliage. Its railings are decorated with hanging moss and bits of bone and goblin skulls. A crude fence and gate surround the ship. A thin curl of smoke wafts up from a chimney like structure that protrudes from a cabin near the ship's bow.

As you approach the wreck, you hear the unmistakable sound of barking, as well as a terrible snorting and whinnying.

The tall goblin eased the new crossbow over his shoulder, locking a bolt into place. Once again, the pallable look of fear begins to inch itself across Nergul's face as the sounds of terror reach his ears. Is home to crazy goblin-biter, Vorka! And she have... pets. Me am not going first." He glances over at the newcomer to the group, You not even susposed to be here! You not big clan hero, so you go first. No one notice if you not come back."

"Yeah, fine. Me go furst. Me am fearless. Can't fear me. No, wait. Scare me."

Snorg puffs out his laughable chest and opens the gate. "Hey! Me am Snorg Bigknife. Me has big knife. Me haves da blessin' of Monster Mother and me will cut you real bad. Wif da big knife!"

Ekklub watches, silently and disapprovingly, at Snorg's antics. Eventually, she is stung to comment:

"Snorg Bigknife has big mouth too. Snorg Bigknife find horse and swallow it, perhaps."

"Horse taste good! You has any?"

Mukluk will stand about a dozen feet or so behind Snorg, ready to charge anyone he recognizes as an enemy as soon as they're visible. Come out, come out, come meet Mr. Dogslicer! Dogslicer for dogging and slicing! Wait, no. Just slicing! Slicing doggings. Yes.

I'll do the attack roll now to save some time. I have no idea what's coming, but Mukluk wouldn't be Mukluk if he turned down the opportunity to get the jump on whatever comes out. If I've got the space it'll be a proper charge attack. Here's the bonuses I get on the attack: BAB of +1, STR mod of +1, the dogslicer gives me +1, charge gives me +2. If whatever comes out is bigger and I get there before Snorg, goblin foolhardiness gives me +1. I have no idea what I'm going to see so I'll leave that out—but I want to list it so I don't forget. If it is indeed a horse, the dogslicer's bane quality comes into play which boosts my bonus to +7.
Attack Roll: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (12) + 5 = 17
Damage Roll: 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4

Sorry about the delay, as I posted in the discussion thread, I've had some trouble accessing Paizo's site for some technical reason for the last 2-3 days.

As Snorg walks into the muck filled "yard" surrounding the wrecked ship, a bedraggled, dirty and foul-tempered horse comes trotting around from the other side of the wreck. It immediately charges toward Snorg.

Stomp (horse) Initiative 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 2 = 14
Ekklub Initiative 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13
Snorg Initiative 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7
Mukluk Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18
Nergul Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 = 20

Stomp (Attack, Charge vs. Snorg) 1d20 ⇒ 19
Damage (Snorg) 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

The terrain is a shallow bog as per p. 427 of the Core Rulebook (speed is halved, Acrobatics DC increase by 2)

"Horse!" Ekklub shouts, pointing unnecessarily. "Horse go away!"

She glares at the animal, trying to shatter its tiny mind.

Using Evil Eye, because that's what Ekklub does and because it'll actually work here. The horse takes a -2 penalty on AC for 5 rounds unless it makes a DC12 will save, in which case the penalty lasts for one round only.

Seeing his chance before anyone managed to close in to melee, Nergul let loose his notched bolt. With any luck, he could slow the frightening beast down.

Ranged Attack 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (12) + 7 = 19

Light Crossbow Damage 1d6 ⇒ 4

Going to use the roll I made above, with the charge and all. It's in character for Mukluk and he might get another round of benefit from Goblin Foolhardiness depending upon how fast Snorg is and how direct his approach is.

Seeing and hearing the horse, Mukluk charges directly at it. He raises his dogslicer, screaming a war chant.

Horse too tall
Make you fall
Mukluk jump and slice
Mukluk duck and dice!

As he closes, Mukluk leaps and tries to embed the blade in the horse's stomach or chest.

The horse charges forward and chomps at Snorg. Snorg, too busy boasting to be fully guarded against the charging beast, feels grimy horse teeth sink into his arm.

Nergul's bolt strikes the horse in the rear flank, infuriating it further.

Mukluk charges forward and sinks his dogslicer into the horse's legs, which both reflexively kick out at him.

Stomp (Attack (Hooves) vs. Mukluk) 1d20 - 2 ⇒ (12) - 2 = 101d20 - 2 ⇒ (3) - 2 = 1

Ekklub stares at the horse with her big beady red eyes nearly bulging out of her head.

Stomp (Will Save vs. Evil Eye) 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (10) + 1 = 11

The horse snorts in fear at the weird hex placed on it.

Snorg has an action, then Nergul is up again. Go ahead and post in any order.

Sorry for the delay. I got food poisoning and I've been banged up since Wednesday. Good times.

Snorg is filled with rage by the bite which stings incredibly.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 131d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

He swings wildly at the horse.

"me gonna eat you!"

Seeing the horse dance in fear, Ekklub carries on pulling faces at it. "Now stupid horse not bite as hard!"

Another Evil Eye hex, this one affecting attack rolls: -2 to all of them, lasting 5 rounds or 1 on a save.

Snorg's attack strikes the horse in the neck. It's clearly panicking and trying to get away from these horrible things hacking at it at this point.

Stomp (Will Save vs. Evil Eye) 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5

Taking deadly aim, Nergul swiftly reloads his weapon and fires into the fleeing animal. "Nergul spit, Nergul spill, all your guts me belly will be filled."

Reload my crossbow and fire at the horse as it flees

Ranged Attack 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (18) + 7 = 25
Crossbow Damage 1d6 ⇒ 6

If the horse is still alive after that nasty crossbow hit and Mukluk's attack I'll do the following. If it's already dead, Snorg will just start loading his pockets with horse meat for later.

Awash in the blood streaming from the horses neck wound, Snorg again hacks at the animal.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (9) + 2 = 111d6 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 6

Nergul's bolt strikes something vital. The horse falls to the ground and lets out a final snort.

Looking around the penned in area, a steep, vine-choked gangplank with a mossy handrail descends sharply from the ship's bow to the muddy ground below. One handrail seems to be encrusted with a large ball of dried mud.

The gangplank is very steep and requires a DC 10 Climb check to ascend.

"Don't know why Nergul shoot at horse. Obvious that mighty Snorg had already killed it. Snorg is very mighty. You lucky to have him here.

Also, have horse meat now! Horse meat delicious! Best if aged in hot place for few days. Den lotsa grubs come to cook it wif. Add flavor and color to meal!" Snorg greedily collects as much as possible.

"Yes, eat horse meat. Big Mucky like plaguey horse-meat."

It turns out that one of the few things more disturbing than Ekklub glowering is Ekklub happy.

Reloading his crossbow, Nergul points the weapon dangerously at the others, but rather absentmindedly. "You dumb-dumb knife gobbies up plank. Me am covering you from here with mighty pink-skin weapon!"

With that, Nergul took careful aim at the plank, eyeing it cautiously.