Princess Reta's page

Chronicle received.

Thank you very much for running Shifty! I know it ran a bit over and into the Gameday but I had a blast and it was fun! Who better than goblins to finally face the terror that is a level 1 NPC vs a cat :)

Ya! Licktoads will live forever!"

Oh, THERE you are Reta thinks as the rest of the Licktoads finally decide to swarm the farmstead. Still, why be bitter when there's:

"Finally" Reta launches herself on the cake and starts gorging. After several seconds of this, she finally thinks to yell at a passing goblin. "Mmm, hey Froggulp! You any more healing stick or drink? Poog need learn how to duck better."

Reta will take one more swing at the man, but stares daggers at Mogmunch. "Hey, Reta got here first! You just set Poog on fire! Save cake for me!"

attack: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 + 2 = 24 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3
confirm: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 + 2 = 14 for more: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Reta steps around Poog and next to the punching longshank. "You two mary-ing, right? Go join Mrs. Longshank then!"

dogslicer stab!: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 + 2 = 19 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 2

If that really dumb hail mary plan scrounged from going over the thread doesn't work, sorry Poog :( Reta's got nothing for healing on her own, and my backup plan was to shove cake in the hole and see if it was a coagulant.

Reta looks down at her late, somewhat lamented companion. A lass. I knew him sort of. He thought frog made him fancy. Where your god now?

Heal check: 1d20 ⇒ 12

Wait...

"Mogmunch, he not dead yet! throw away from Poog! And the cake, spare the cake!"

Realizing she does not have anything on her own that would help the situation, and not wanting to waste any cake on Poog, Reta frowns. Here eyes then light up. She knells over Poog, grabs the bottle he took from Kettlehead with the ugly elf lady on it {way back in post #85, true belieivers! - Z}and starts trying to jam it down his throat - the liquid in it that is.

So there may be like a 30% chance nothing happens, a 30% Poog stabilizies(?), and a 40% chance I just gave him alchemist's fire. If the latter...[smaller]whoops.[/smaller

Reta is faced with the most important decision of her young life.

CakedeliciousandlooksotastyandyummyandPoogsillytochargeinandprobablydeserve smackanddontknowwhat'wedding'isbutlongshanksclearlydistractedandcakerightth ereand...

But...but Licktoads four life, right? Be part of tribe means part of tribe. Even dumb Poo-ggg.

With a heavy sigh, she widely swings towards the woman (while still standing next to the cake) and stabs at her with the dogslicer.

"Hey, wedding. It just been revok-ed!"

attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4
Crit?: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19 for another1d4 ⇒ 3

Reta rushes forward as fast as her legs will carry her, getting an ominous sense of what might happen with a pig next to a cake.

Are the two longshanks armed, or did they try to punch Poog?

Reta sees Poog try to get atop the tiny piglet and ride it. The gobliness rolls her eyes at how silly the spectacle is, but stays focused.

With the gate open, she waves her hands in the air and starts hissing at the animals from the south. She even throws a rick at one of the goats before taking a looming step towards them.

Thus confident a stampede northward is imminent, she starts running back down the other side of the barn, about to make a mad rush towards the cake the moment any of the shortshanks look away towards the loosed beasts.

Reta starts towards the cake, but stops as she sees short longshanks near the cake. %&*$^. Bet they want eat it too. Still, two on one is not great number-stuff. Two fingers way better at poking eyes than one. Turning around, she notices that all the other new Licktoads are sneaking towards the barn.

Hah, they dumb. Not know cake is bestest! Wait, wait, what if they know something? What if Poog know of better food in barn. Is that it? They trying to leave Reta out of bettercake?!?

Fuming, she stalks towards the rest of the trip towards the pens. Double-timing it too them, she whispers "Hey, how about we let animals loose then have them run towards water? For no reason whatsoever, certainly no distraction?"

So, bigbigbigbigbigbigbig!!! Reta thinks to herself as her eyes fall on the giant cake. Stomach growling and new dogslicer in hand, the goblin tries to make her way as close as possible towards the dessert under cover, ready to then make a break for it to get a bite before the rest of the goblin tribe decides to eat it all up first.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (16) + 10 = 26

Reta lifts her club high. "We make raid. Blade blade blade!"

She then leans over to the nearest Licktoad. "Hey, I Licktoad now too! There blade for Reta?"

Reta smiles at the wrangler's dismissive words. Sure he still mean, but he say Licktoads! Now we Licktoads forever, with nothing ever changing that!!!

"Pssht! Of course we back. We real Licktoads. See?" Reta proudly holds up her toad towards Loptop and gives it one more extra lick.

"And we so good, we already take care of dumb not-that-pretty stranger. Set wagon on fire cause she not good trade person. Welcome given!" The goblin grins wildly for a second before remembering. "Oh, and Poog find sparkly paper. With WORDS!!!! I stop him reading it in all the excitement. Chief have any prisoners make read and see what what?"

"Words bad all way round. No wonder they taste yucky Poog." Reta chides the goblin.

Her eyes widen again as Mogmurch seems to try and read the book. "GAH! Fine, you all want to be soul no havers, go ahead. More for me. I bringing my toad back to tribe. Should bring shiny word thing to cheif: maybe he capture dumb other person, make them read it, find out what it say."

The 'chief' typo is appropriate enough to a goblin that I'm just leaving it in. Deal with it, red squiggly 'wrong spelling' line!

"Ooh, what that?" Reta says as she scoots over towards Poog. As the corner of her eye catches the envelope however, she shrieks and grabs her toad, stretching it's fat body out in front of her eyes.

"Look away Poog! You trying to take our souls away?"

As the woman flees, Reta takes the opportunity to smack her one more time.

attack: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 + 2 = 20 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

"Now you go away from here!"

"Hey, that not nice! Stick and stones may break bones, but should always be your bones, not ours!" Reta yells as she steps up and hits the lady with her own stick to prove her point.

attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Reta backs away from the angry mean 'lady' if that's what can even be called a lady

"Fine, we move back, if that how you treat customers."

Reta will have grabbed the meathook and a couple of smokesticks.

Reta bristles as Mogmurch begins talking to the lady. Why everyone but Reta have cool hat? And look at that red hair - look stupid. She have dots on face too, probably sick. Not nearly pretty as Reta.

As Mogmurch explains the humanwords, Retsa asks him "Ask her why she trade with mighty goblins and not run in fear? We Licktoads now: that means we true part bestest tribe."

"Hey, Spirit aint so tough." Reta says as she cautiously enters the tent and looks at the corpse. "He stuck there dead!"

With the utmost solemnity (not), Reta holds her way-too-fat toad up and declares to the skeleton. "Here Spirit: Reta showing how she true Licktoad." She takes a good lick of said toad. "See? you can't even licktoads yourself, Cause you got no tongue."

Reta try this again. Reta's plan can't fail: it can only be failed!

Grapple that darned cat, take 2: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3

Reta put down club and use hand this time, trying to grab at that darn cat.

Grapple check, so I think I'll get an AoO, even if it doesn't normally threaten me, yes? Even so, scratch away.

CATGRAB!: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

Reta considers trying to wrestle the dumb cat, but decides watching Poog have to duck is too much fun to not try again.

attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (9) + 2 = 11 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Ooh, even if not flanking with Poog, Reta is now flanking with Chuffy! Add 2 to the attack, if it matters.

"Stand still Poog. Not wanna hit you face this time!" Reta says as she swings her club at the cat on Poog.

Is the cat in Poog's square? If so, Are Poog and Reta 'flanking' it? I always forget in cases like that: if we are, add 2 to the below

swing at cat, not toad. oh, and not Poog either: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Reta stands still for a moment, laughing as the two cats hiss and move to attack. Poog. "Clearly cats like Zogmugot better."

But then her eyes widen. The cats attacking Poog may be funny, but what if they eat the toads? Cats like to eat toads, right? Why wouldn't they - toads are fat and probably delicious!

Reta draws her club and steps up to smash the nearest cat. "Go get own toads cats!"

attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8 for damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Reta grabs another bottle and picks up the shortbow. The weight of it feels ince in her hand. Yeah, this feel right. this make great whacking AND walking stick

The goblin also stands over Kettlehead. "So, see kettle make your brain crush, too dumb to see who real best Licktoads will be. Maybe now you take it off, you get smart 'nuff know who really big bestest!"

She then tries to pry the kettle off Kettlehead's head, calling back to Poog "Big talk from Poog. Maybe he take boot, stop him step in what he say."

Reta moves up and slings a stone at the slightly less on-fire lackey. "Hey dumface. He at least have kettle. You got nothing on head. What make you think you tough enough to beat rock?"

attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 19 for damage: 1d3 ⇒ 3

Reta lifts her toad in front of her face in response to Chuffy and Mogmurch, but makes sure to hold it so dumb Kettlehead doesn't see her not licking it. Lady gotta have standards

"Yeah!" Reta yells. She hugs her fat toad close. "Just cause you got awesome kettle doesn't mean you still aren't whelp like us. But we got toads now, and you don't. So we even more Licktoad than you!"

Flush with confidence, Reta slowly and subtly (for a goblin) reaches down with her non-toad-holding-hand to touch the nice thong at her belt.

Reta frowns. Poog seems too slow, not getting point. Reta back wrong goblin dog

While she still waits for the Zarongite to react, Reta tries to catch some more toads herself, to stave off boredom if nothing else.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (12) + 10 = 22
CMB: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20

"See? Reta don't need you! Reta just thought back scratch lead to back scratch. Guess not."

Reta walks to the Tadpole Bog looking around really good. Finding toad at the Bog is good, but getting one anywhere is just as good, and maybe easier. Who looks that close at toads anyway?

Finding none, though, she ends up with the rest of the four, standing at the edge of the bog.

"Hey," Reta calls out to Poog, Mogmurch and drat, what his name? start with C... "Mogmurch, Poog and Chubby. We all need toad right? But we all good at different things. I clearly best comedy ien ienne, and can find worms real good, but not yet bestest at making my pain funny. Others pain? hysterical. Reta just have one of those faces I guess."

"Guess what I saying is, why not help each other get toads? Then each go to Darkfear, each be real Licktoad, each be betterer!"

As she says this, Reta whispers to last part as she slides slowly and calmly into the water, trying not to startle the first toad she has her eye on.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (11) + 10 = 21
CMB: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (10) + 2 = 12

She snarls as the last bit of her lunge sends the toad spalshing away, then tries again.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (19) + 10 = 29
CMB: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8

"$$%&#^&%(#^"! See? Me good sneaking, less good catching. Maybe we help each other, try to lure 3 dumb toads together? We smarter than toads!"

Reta is proposing the bold suggestion of aid anothering. Shocking for a goblin. Could this be the start of something bigger? Something 3 adventures in the making? Who knows, but the princess is willing to start first!

Aid on Poog's CMB check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9

Well, Reta's heart is shockingly in the right place...

Aid on Poog's CMB check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
Aid on Poog's CMB check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
Aid on Poog's CMB: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22

There, happy hunting Poog.

When the real Licktoads disperse, Reta rubs her head, still a bit sore from the Earbiter. She thinks about going to lie down, sleep the headache off. But that's silly! Reta now Licktoad! Well, at least out of whelping cage. But that good start!

The cuts on her head give her an idea though. Maybe Kettlehead just lucky he found a kettle, but two can play that c=game. Reta thinks of herself as just as lucky, and probably way better at seeing stuff. So she takes advantage of her newfound freedom to look around for something nice and impressive, protective, or at the least decorate to put on her own head. Maybe a turtle. Their shells hard to break.

Reta grins as she sets herself to the final task. Didn't know how much being Licktoad had to do with putting stuff in mouth. I have big mouth, works good!

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (17) + 8 = 25
Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (8) + 2 = 10

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (6) + 8 = 14
Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

Reta has little trouble finding worms as she plomps her face straight into the mud, but her excitement at getting the squirming creatures causes her to start bragging...and bragging leads to her choking on the mud as she swallows it and the worms whole.

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28
Reflex: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18

With tensions high, Reta takes one more big chomp on the mud. She easily feels a squirming insect in her mouth. But what to do? Tell people about it? Or stay quiet and calm and boring and just tease the worm out right?

Reta chooses option 3: she wedges the living worm against her teeth as she spits out the mud as far as she can. Opening her mouth wide to show the worm still safe inside, she yells. "See! Reta good at finding worms and Reta good at spitting. Double Best!"

Just so I understand: we make a Perception check, then if successful a Reflex save to avoid swallowing the mud and the worm? And three failed Reflex saves mean we get too sick to go on?

What happens if we fail a Perception check? Or does failing either of the checks count as a eat-the-mud black mark?

Truly it was the pinnacle of Goblin wit :p

Brazenly, Reta plucks one of the hot stones and throws it in her mouth.

Fort: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (12) + 3 = 15
Int: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (12) - 1 = 11

"Chuffy's face looks...green!" she says proudly. It takes her larger brain a few seconds to realize that's not exactly an original insight.

Fort: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14
Int: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (8) - 1 = 7

"Kettlehead's head so thick, he forget where skin end and helmet start!"

Dumb Reta, Stupid Reta! Kettle too cool, we all wish had kettle protect us from vultures. Focus!

Fort: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22
Int: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (11) - 1 = 10

"Mogmurch cheeks too hot!"

%^*$^% Why you no funny like Luagh-lot. Whole tribe like him until chief get mad and feed him to Squealy Nord. Get funnier

Fort: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (12) + 3 = 15
Int: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (15) - 1 = 14

"Poog so jealous of Kettlehead, he try too. think grey frog is metal. Poog is dumb!"

She grins at this last one, spitting out the stone in confidence. Nailed it!

Seeing 'Chuffy''s grand display, Reta decides use her head to come up with a good way to make the real Licktoads laugh. Eventually she settles on using her head.

Reta takes out her monster beetle and puts it on the ground facing the Rusty Earbiter. "Hey BiBee, you get back here!" she yells as she exaggerates chasing the beetle closer and closer towards the device (sometimes needing to nudge the beetle gently towards it, other times correcting its path less gently.)

When BiBee finally starts crawling through the wires of the contraption, Reta crouches down and starts to move into it herself, wincing and loudly yelling as the Earbiter's hooks rip into her. "Hey, no fair! I get stuck!" She calls out through the pain, playing up how cramped her large skull is getting.

damage: 1d3 ⇒ 2

Finally popping her head out with a *RRETT* she holds up her hoarded spare ear and angles only one side of her head towards the crowd. "This supposed to come off, right?"

Reta's Beat so Happy: 1d20 - 2 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (1) - 2 + 2 + 2 = 3

"Chuffy still look like that? Maybe rest of face was thing that should have been popped!" Reta heckles.

Reta grumbles at Kettlehead's skipping of the takss, but keeps it to herself. Be quiet and wait. Full Licktoad first. Then see what else Reta can use that kettle for...

The beautiful goblin spares only the briefest of glances at the other whelplings for the moment, but the moment Loptop holds out the leash Reta rushes into action. She'll be the first goblin, and the best at animal stuff too!

Approaching the spider, leash in one hand, Reta fishes the other grubby mitt into her pocket. It emerges with a handful of wood lice, which she places before the spider. "See lotslegs? Food for you. Eat up, before they scurry away!"

Waiting until the vermin is suitably distracted by the meal or if that takes more than a few seconds, until she gets bored, Reta then rushes forwards and tries to hold the beast down, while drawing on her experience with her own bulbous head to help fit a good loop around the arachnid.

Wrangle!: 1d20 ⇒ 16
Tie!: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15

Dotting.

Reta chop and Reta bite!
Reta kill and Reta fight!
Reta make blood spill like orange!
Reta also still young and learning how to make catchy and rhyming songs!

Omelets!

Reta may dine well tonight. A pleasure playing with all of you!

Reta sees the door swing open and moves towards it, bow in hand. If the owlbear runs away, she'll dart in and check out the basement. If it doesn't right away, she will...'prod it' with a flaming arrow.

"Get big bird to crunch later!" Reta calls out to Chuffy. "That feed new tribe for eleventy weeks I bet!"

Big mean ogre who reason we're here...other lady. Big mean ogre who reason we're here...other lady.

Reta weighs her options for an eternity of goblin time (1.6 seconds). then she plucks another bead from her necklace, throws it at the lady ogre, and runs backward, drawing out her bow.

Slightly smaller boom: 3d6 ⇒ (6, 1, 2) = 9 DC 14 half

Reta sees to Ogre woman come into view and gnahses her fanged teeth. Who this woman? She think she prettier than Reta NO ONE PRETTIER THAN RETA!

Without hesitation, Reta plucks off the largest bauble from her necklace and throws it at the ugly ogre.

5d6 Fireball centered on Fiona up there. DC 14 for half
Boom!: 5d6 ⇒ (2, 2, 1, 3, 5) = 13

Reta looks at her lovely necklace longingly. "Eh, suppose could give one bead. But better make big boom! And you owe Reta a shiny jewel in it place."

Reta moves over towards Chuffy. "Wait, that the Squealy Nord? He make ti out!?!"

She fishes around in her sack and pull out her rope. [b]"Here rope if you need. But mine. I get back after. And watch you don't knock off any of the moles.

Reta will lend20 feet of rope to Chuffy